You can always tell when a wild animal has been held in captivity for too long. They possess this glazed over look in their eyes—it’s unmistakable. The same can be said for those who have been single for an unbearably long period of time. Now I’m not talking about a couple of months either. Let’s just say this person hasn’t had a real date since Bobby Brown could actually afford his child support payments.

I currently reside in Atlanta, and according to the women here, I’ve literally stumbled upon a utopian society for single men. As far as they’re concerned, Atlanta is the land of milk and honey, where men roam freely while pining women throw rose petals at their feet.