The walls were closing in on me last night as I diligently worked to finish my relationship manifesto (trust me people; this will be a must-read when it arrives in bookstores.) So with no desire to spend the rest of my night battling severe bouts of claustrophobia, I headed out at 2 a.m. to meet a friend who was still out partying with a few of her girlfriends. As I pulled up to the club, I noticed two things before making it inside. My first observation was a huge influx of beautiful women still making their way into the club. This was followed by the realization that an even larger contingent of men—who either wouldn’t or couldn’t pay to get in—were all standing outside trying to hit on any and everything in heels.

That’s right. They were using the old “baby, I can’t pay to get in, but I’m going to use that $20 to take you to Waffle House later” line … works every time. But there was one exchange in particular that I had to share with you, as it still has me scratching my head. It went down like this:

(Fly Disclaimer: The following dialogue is a verbatim exchange. If I’m exaggerating at all, may I wake up tomorrow morning with Bobby Brown’s bottom lip.)

Him: “Hey girl, you know you in trouble right?”

Her: “Why am I in trouble?”

Him: “Cuz you ain’t brought yo fine ass over here to talk to me. Come here right now and holla at a nigga.”

Her: **blank stare**

A couple of things came to mind as this scene unfolded before me. The first, of course being, “stop staring at him … he knows he looks like a complete jackass, so there’s no sense in adding insult to his moral injury.” But as I avoided eye contact by looking up into the clear night sky, a shuddering thought overcame me ….

Maybe he isn’t embarrassed.
Maybe he thinks that’s how he’s supposed to approach women.

If that’s the case, then I have my work cut out for me. I mean, there has to be some way to counteract such illogical approaches like this, right? God I hope so.

Well, as I work to construct a course syllabus aimed at rehabilitating the black sheep of my gender, let me first start by giving them—and anyone else that’s interested—some food for thought. So wash this down with some water, and refrain from any physical activities for at least 45 minutes while it digests.

Fly Food For Thought: Women appreciate masculinity in a man … they just don’t want it to spill into the way you address them (In other words, she doesn’t want you talking to her like she’s a dude.) So dial back the aggression on the approach. There will be other opportunities to show just how manly you are.