In my line of work, I’ve been fortunate to meet so many amazing people … some famous, others infamous, and then there are those who I consider to be the true stars because of their pure hearts and beautiful spirits. But no matter the type of person, I’m always fascinated when I meet women who seemingly have it together, but for one reason or another just can’t figure it out when it comes to matters of the heart.

Many times, their love failures aren’t directly linked to any incorrect behavior or thought pattern on their part. Life just gets the best of them.

But then there are times—and it happens more often than they may care to admit—that the only thing standing in a way of their present happiness is their past.

What do I mean by that?

Well, I’ve seen my fair share of instances where the past mistakes of men have crippled women, in effect rendering them incapable of opening themselves up to the possibility of love.

A great articulation of this point comes in the form of Lil Wayne’s song “How to Love.” And since this may be the ONLY time we can learn about love from Weezy, I figured it’d be best to promptly capitalize on this moment.

Class is now in session, and will be led by our guest professor Lil Wayne. Pay close attention to these timely love lessons.

Lesson 1- The Past is a Cruel Muthaf*cka.

The Lyrics: “You had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever, now you’re in the corner trying to put it together.”

The Fly Analysis:

Along with our pursuit of love comes the chance that things may not work out. It’s a risk that we all take when we open our hearts up to another person. But the subsequent hurt that may or may not happen pales in comparison to the euphoric highs that can be achieved when loving the right person.

That fact alone is why I’ve never understood the self-imposed timeouts that so many women take. (“now you’re in the corner trying to put it together”) When it comes to love, we all rise, we all fall, we all smile, and we all cry … it’s just a part of the journey.

With that being said, you should never remove yourself from the game. Because once you do, you effectively eliminate any chance at meeting the one person that could change your life forever.

Lesson 2- The Past Can Make You Paranoid

The Lyrics: “When you were just a youngin’ your looks were so precious, but now you’re grown up so fly it’s like a blessing. But you can’t have a man look at you for five seconds without you being insecure. You never credit yourself, so when you got older, it seems like it came back ten times over. Now you’re sitting here, in this damn corner, looking through all your thoughts and looking over your shoulder.”

The Fly Analysis:

I’m actually sitting here making a mental list of all of the “paranoid” women that I know. Now, I understand the negative connotation associated with a word like paranoid, so let me quickly explain.

I was once the victim of a pickpocketer. The moment that I realized what happened, I instantly became hyper-vigilant to the point of being paranoid. Every person that came close to me, I instantly assumed the worse. Kid … little old lady … didn’t matter. They were all up to something as far as I was concerned.

I soon realized that this type of behavior was unhealthy. I also realized that my behavior mirrored that of women who immediately assumed that a man was up to no good just because they got hurt in the past.

Just as I had to discover after being robbed, you must also realize that you can’t be paranoid when you meet men. While a healthy dose of common sense does come in handy, you can’t live your life paralyzed by the fear of what MAY happen … that’s the worst possible existence.

Lesson 3- When it comes to relationships, stereotypes are useless.

The Lyrics: “I admire poppin’ bottles and pimpin’ just as much as you admire bartending and stripping.”

The Fly Analysis: Let me know if this sounds familiar: “All men are__________(insert negative saying)______” … “All they want is ___________(insert more negativity—preferably something sexual)_______”

Perhaps the greatest challenge of any man in the dating world is overcoming the stereotypes heaped on him by centuries of hurt, scarred women. And while there are certainly men who deserve the labels thrust upon them, there are many of us who don’t.

So as we get to know each other, I expect you to look at me in the same way that you would expect me to look at you … as a blank canvas. I won’t label you with the some of the negative female stereotypes that you despise, and in return, I would appreciate it if you returned the favor. A new relationship doesn’t stand a chance if you decide otherwise.

Lesson 4- Self-belief is the most powerful belief of them all.

The Lyrics: “See I just want you to know that you deserve the best, you’re beautiful. And I want you to know, you’re far from the usual.”

The Fly Analysis:

I’m not going to belabor this point. The simple fact is that I think you’re beautiful. And yes, if you’re reading these words, then I’m talking to you.

I’m sure you’ve heard countless times that you can’t love someone else until you first love yourself. And while that’s certainly true, I need you to first know that you’re both beautiful and incredibly special.

Why?

Because when I look you in your eyes, and say those very words, I need you to know that it’s true. I need you to believe them more than I do. If you don’t, then you’ll always have doubts about the validity of our relationship, and the integrity of my words.

If those two things are in question, then we’ll never have a chance.

**The Fly Conclusion- There are lessons to be learned with everything in life … even songs by Lil Wayne. I hope you take these lessons, and apply them accordingly. Who knows; it may draw you that much closer to learning “how to love.”

Click below to listen to Lil Wayne’s “How to Love” … the subject of today’s Fly Guy Love Lessons.

There are certain aspects of today’s hip-hop and R&B songs that I absolutely detest. Primarily, it’s the part that encourages men to refrain from engaging in acts of chivalry. Instead of opening a door, we’d much rather shut the club down. Or instead of looking our woman in the eyes and saying “you’re beautiful,” we’d rather look at her backside and say “damn shawty that ass is fat.”

Now I’m a young guy, but my soul has always connected with the older school of thought. It was an age where the prevailing wisdom was that men were supposed to conduct themselves as gentlemen and treat their women like queens. Sadly, you only see that treatment manifested occasionally today, both in real life and in the art that we support.

That’s why I was blown away with the first single from hit maker Bruno Mars (Billionaire, F*ck You, Nothin’ On You). The song “Just the Way You Are,” speaks to a lost language of love that more men need to re-acquaint themselves with. In it, he lets his woman know in the most heartfelt terms that he loves her just the way she is. In a day and age where video girls and photoshop continue to distort the perception of beauty, that’s the one thing that a woman desperately needs to hear from the man in her life … I love you just the way you are. That’s a timely breath of fresh air for a music industry in dire need of more sincere expressions of real love.

As I spent some time with the lyrics, I began to think about the women in my life who may occasionally doubt their own beauty and worth. So I decided to write them a letter. As a man, I would advise you to do the same. You don’t necessarily have to write a letter, but you should go out of your way to ensure they know that they’re appreciated and loved; whether it’s your wife, girlfriend, mother or sister.

The following is my effort to practice what I preach.

Good Morning,

Love always,
Your biggest fan

Check out the lyrics and video for Bruno Mars “Just the Way Your Are” below.

The Lyrics

Oh her eyes, her eyes
Make the stars look like they’re not shining
Her hair, her hair
Falls perfectly without her trying

She’s so beautiful
And I tell her every day

Yeah I know, I know
When I compliment her
She won’t believe me
And its so, it’s so
Sad to think she don’t see what I see

But every time she asks me “do I look okay”
I say

When I see your face
There’s not a thing that I would change
Cause you’re amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,

The Video

I can’t get enough of old school love songs from the 90’s—well, old school for me that is. I’m sure there’s some of you that claim the Temptations as your old school, while others may consider B2K as throwback. No matter your preference, this new fly feature will pit two songs against each other in a weekly showdown. First up: SWV faces off against The Deele. Take a listen, and vote below.

Fly Note: If you’d like to submit a song for consideration, just let me know.

SWV- “You’re Always On My Mind

The Deele- “Two Occassions”


__________________________________

The Fly Poll

Sometimes it gets hard … no scratch that, sometimes it becomes downright impossible to remember all that’s great about love. Whether that’s due to a personal situation that you’re dealing with, or the stress from other areas in your life, love can often become a frustrating exercise that you’d rather do without.

I know that I’ve been there on countless occasions.

Today’s piece is dedicated to those people who still find themselves in that place. If I’m talking to you, then please take a listen to the following list of love songs that were submitted by some of my friends on Twitter. Use their playlist as a roadmap back to that time in your life when love still served as a cornerstone to all that you believed in. Enjoy.

You Make Me Feel Brand New- The Stylistics (Twitter.com/reeciecups)

Ribbon in the Sky- Stevie Wonder (Twitter.com/Cali_B)

Run To You- Whitney Houston (Twitter.com/SunshineElise)



Hurry Up This Way Again- Stylistics (Twitter.com/MissCocoaLuv)



Don’t Take It Personal- Jermaine Jackson (Twitter.com/M320_Consulting)

You- Jesse Powell (Twitter.com/karamelkutee23)

Aimewitue- Musiq (Twitter.com/destineybleu)

By now, you’ve either seen or heard about the 52nd edition of the Grammy Awards. Don’t worry though, this piece isn’t designed to relive any of those moments as I’m sure you’ve had your fill. Instead, I wanted to focus on the song that won the award for “Best Female Pop Vocal.”

The song was Beyonce’s “Halo,” and I have to admit that I’ve gained a newfound appreciation for it. I’ve always thought the song was nice, but it wasn’t until Grammy night that I actually soaked in the lyrics.

Here’s my take…

I’m sure we’ve all experienced moments in life where the past has forced us to emotionally block out the rest of the world out. Whether it was a disappointing breakup or a tragic loss, our mind was made up that we were never going to risk being hurt again.

For a while at least, the attempts to keep that wall up were successful, until something … someone happens. Before we know it, that wall has come crashing down, and our life has suddenly been recharged and reinvigorated by the possibility of new love. To me, that’s what “Halo” is about … embracing that moment when Mr. or Mrs. Right comes along—the moment when we finally let our guard down to experience love in its purest form. It’s out there for us; it’s just a matter of both you and I deciding that we’re open to experiencing it.

For my money, “Halo” is a beautiful song with a beautiful love perspective … it deserves to be featured today.

Happy Tuesday.

Fly Lyrics:
Remember those walls I built
Well, baby they’re tumbling down
And they didn’t even put up a fight
They didn’t even make up a sound

I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now

It’s like I’ve been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin’
It’s the risk that I’m takin’
I ain’t never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I’m looking now
I’m surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you’re my saving grace

You’re everything I need and more
It’s written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won’t fade away

Ok, let me lay out the scenario for you. The love of your life has just been presented the career opportunity of a lifetime. The only problem is that it’s in another city … on the other side of the globe. Now ordinarily, you’d support their dreams and ambitions, but this is a tough pill to swallow. Instead of just coming out and saying, “I don’t want you to go,” you’ve decided to subtly send messages that the love between you is too important to walk away from. On the night before they’re set to leave, you decide to play a song to poignantly express just how much they mean to you. The only problem is you just can’t decide on the song. You’re stuck between Musiq Soulchild’s “So Beautiful” and Alicia Keys’ “If I Aint Got You.” You consider both songs to be great selections, but you can only choose one. After looking over the lyrics of both, you take a deep sigh and make a decision. Which one did you choose? Vote below, and explain why.

The Fly Options

Alicia Keys “If I Ain’t Got You”

Fly Lyrics:
Some people want it all
But I don’t want nothing at all
If it ain’t you baby
If I ain’t got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain’t got you,

Musiq Soulchild “So Beautiful’

Fly Lyrics:

It just feels so right
I don’t wanna waste no time
If I had to choose I know
I’m gon’ always choose to be with you

Girl don’t you know you’re so beautiful
I wanna give all my love to you, girl
Not just tonight but the rest of your life
I wanna be always here by your side

So what’s it gonna be? Cast your vote on our Fly Poll

Never let life consume you to the point where you fail to seize any and every opportunity to express thankfulness and appreciation for the special people in your life. So in honor of the Thanksgiving holiday that just passed, I thought I’d pull out some of the songs currently on my playlist that accurately say “thank you and I love you.”

Bless the Broken Road (Acoustic)- Rascal Flatts

Fly Lyrics
“Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you”

Fly Interpretation
My life’s journey has been far from perfect … this much I know. But I also know that my path was necessary as it prepared me for my current life with you. So even though it may not have felt good at the time, I’m thankful for every trial, every heartbreak, and every misunderstanding. Without them, who knows where I would be? And who knows if I would have ever found you?

So I’m thankful for the uncomfortable moments of my past … and I’m thankful for you.

Today- PJ Morton

Fly Lyrics
“Don’t need a Valentine’s Day to tell you how much I love you
Don’t need an anniversary to show you how much I care
Don’t need a holiday to tell you how I feel
All I need is today.”

Fly Interpretation
I won’t focus all of my time or energy on manmade holidays to express how much I love you. While I know those moments mean a lot to you, I never want to let a day pass without taking the time to show you exactly how much you mean to me. In fact, let me just say it now … I love you. Now and forever.

Time After Time- Boyz II Men

Fly Lyrics
“If you’re lost you can look, and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you, I’ll be waiting
Time after time”

Fly Interpretation
I’ll never leave you … and I’ll never stop loving or appreciating you. No matter where life may take us, I want you to always know that I’ll always be here for you. I know that things haven’t always worked out in the way that we might have liked them to, but that’ll still never change one simple fact:

You mean everything to me … and I’ll continue to prove that to you. Time after time.

Lucky- Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat

Fly Lyrics
“I’m lucky I’m in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again”

Fly Interpretation
There aren’t many people who get the opportunity to fall in love with the one that their soul was made for. With that understanding in mind, I sincerely appreciate how fortunate I am to be one of those select few. Not only are you my best friend, but you are the love of my life … thank you for being you.

I love you … but of course, you already know this. What you might not know is that I often struggle to discover new ways to express how much I care. I’d normally just buy you something, but that feels too superficial and predictable for the moment. And I wish I could sing to you, but you said my vocals remind you of Keyshia Cole and Ciara’s performances at the BET Awards.

I’m stuck…

Well I was stuck. But then I realized that I didn’t have to be fancy just to say I love you. All I needed was my iPod, and your open mind and heart. Just hear me out.

Always and Forever

The Fly Lyrics:
Why I behold you
Why do I want you
Always and forever
Always and forever

Cause girl you got it
And I’m gonna keep it
Oh you got me trippin’ on you
So that’s why I want you
Always and forever

My Expression: I’m not sure how this happened. Especially considering how I was so against being in a relationship when we first met. But there was just something about you. I wasn’t supposed to fall, but I did any way … and I’m a better man because of it.

________________________

Favorite Girl

The Fly Lyrics:
Girl no more playing games
I’m done with other dames
I figure what’s the use, there’s really no excuse
Many good qualities, I can’t think of one complaint
That’s why you’re number one
And all the others ain’t

My expression: Nothing compares to you—nothing. You’re the reason my heart is filled with a song of love and hope each morning. When I look at you, I see my most precious blessing … my favorite girl.

________________________

Wonderful

The Fly Lyrics:
Drama burning up my mind
She’s a spot in the shade
Thirsty for her all the time
She’s my cold lemonade

If there was a way that I could put it, make it
So that you could understand
That I’m only half a man without her
Gonna give my all, my heart, my mind, my soul, take it
Ain’t no other word that can describe it
Baby you are … Wonderful

My Expression: What else could I possibly say to convey this emotion in a more meaningful way? I won’t even try … you’re wonderful. Period.

________________________

The Fly Conclusion: It’s interesting how we work so hard to discover new ways to express love, when we already have everything that we need. All it takes is a little creativity. I mean let’s be honest here; who knew that an old Marques Houston album could express love in a manner more poignant than an expensive gift?

I certainly didn’t.

Now don’t take this as me saying that women don’t enjoy gifts … because they do. But sometimes, simple expressions like this mean so much more than you spending money. So before you go out trying to break the bank just to say I love you, look around and see how you can express yourself with what you already have.

That thought and effort will stay with her longer than any expensive dinner ever could. (The dinner will literally be flushed and forgotten within 24-48 hours.)

Am I lying?

If time possesses the ability to heal all wounds, then it should also be capable of giving me the perspective I need to move on in the aftermath of you and I. There’s so many ways that I could mentally spin what happened between us just so I can sleep at night … but I won’t. Truth is, I need to feel every one of these emotions, because I know I fucked up … I mean, I know I did. And I’m sure that even you could reflect back on our time together, and find areas that you could have improved upon as well…

But that’s not why I’m writing this.

I’m writing this to say that our time apart has opened my eyes to a new level clarity. For the first time I clearly see you for who you are. You’re an incredibly beautiful woman—probably the most beautiful woman that I have ever known or will ever know.

Sadly, that beauty is meant to be enjoyed by someone else … someone that can fully appreciate you; someone that can love you freely; and someone that can love you as completely as you loved me.

You see, my intimate understanding of your beauty blinded me to the fact that we just weren’t meant to be. That was through no fault of our own though. God just had a different plan for our lives.

I have to accept that.

I also have to accept the fact that I can’t be selfish and prevent you from finding true love—a point that I’ve been guilty of in the past. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I will always love … and if you ever need me, I’ll be here. That’s my solemn vow.

I’ll miss you.

The Lyrics
Time will bring the real end of our trial
One day there’ll be no remnants
No trace no residual feelings within you
One day you won’t remember me

Your face will be the reason I smile
But I will not see what I can not have forever
I’ll always love you I hope u feel the same

Oh you played me dirty
Your game was so bad
You toyed with my affliction had to fill out my prescription
Found the remedy I had to set u free

Away from me
To see clearly the way that love can be when you are not with me
I had to leave, I have to live
I had to lead, I had to live

Chorus
If I can’t have you let love set you free
To fly your pretty wings around
Pretty wings your pretty wings
Your pretty wings your pretty wings around

I came wrong You were right
Transformed your love into like
Baby believe me
I’m sorry I told you lies

I turned day into night
Sleepless, I died a thousand times
I should’ve showed you, better nights, better times, better days
I miss you more and more

I’m bruised. I’m bloodied. I’m battered.

And I know that our outcome appears bleak, but I’m far from deterred. I still love you … that’s just a reality that we both have to accept. So if my words and actions no longer elicit any type of positive response from you, then maybe this song can. As simple as the lyrics may be, they were made for this moment. Feel my heartbeat through these words …. please.

Fly Question of the Day: Has there ever been a song that did a better job of articulating your feelings for someone? Let me know.

The Lyrics

Oh, what can I do girl?
So much in love girl
But your friends got you thinkin’
And it’s affecting you
What can I do girl
So in love girl
And I don’t know what to do
‘Cause I don’t wanna lose you

No what would I do without your love
Baby it’s heaven sent from above
So you don’t believe
What your friends tell you about me

I’m still the man for you
And I’m still the man that’s true
And I’m still the man who’s lucky
And I’m still in love with you
It don’t matter what your friends do
They’re just jealous of me and you
And I’ll always keep you happy
‘Cause I’m still in love with you
I’m still in love

The Video