My heart aches …

And my soul remains despondent …

The rest of me just resembles a former shell of itself—a now unfortunate collection of cursed molecules that no longer understands its place nor purpose in this universe. There was actually a time when I sincerely believed that my sole purpose in life was to love you with everything that I had within me. And I did that … I swear I did.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t enough.

So now I’m empty … left with nothing but a heart that still aches, and a watch that reminds me of happier times.

I officially hate this watch now.

It’s as if I can hear the second hand obnoxiously ticking … TICK … TICK … TICK … TICK … always ticking; always reminding me of the precious seconds that have slipped away since you were last in my arms. (2 months, 5 days and 17 hours to be exact.)

You know, my mother once told me that time heals all wounds; but neither time nor distance has proven to be an adequate remedy for this dull pain that now consumes me. This incessant suffering has led me to the realization that the only thing that’s capable of alleviating this pain is you coming back to me.

So I pray that you’re somewhere reading this; and I selfishly pray that you’re in search of a similar cure for your own case of the blues. If that be the case, then stop reading this right now, and just come see me.  I’m sure that our love can overcome whatever problems pushed us away in the first place.

But if that’s not the case … and if you’ve moved on and are now comfortably settled in a beautiful life without me, then I pray that this message self destructs—forever wiping itself from your memory.

So until the time comes when our paths either will or won’t cross again, I’ll be here … waiting on you … hopeful that my distant lover will come back home.

Today’s Heartbreak Feature: Marvin Gaye’s “Distant Lover”

Webster defines heartbreak as “great sorrow, grief, or anguish.” But in my life, I define heartbreak as the one singular event capable of bringing any man to his knees. More harmful than any cut, scrape or bruise could ever be, the damage that’s inflicted by a broken heart should never be underestimated.

So in honor of this universal kryptonite, I thought I’d give the floor to one of my favorite DJs, (DJ Lissa Monet) and let her express the sinking lows of lost love with her latest mixtape, “Love Letters & Broken Hearts.”

Enjoy her work, and make sure you support her by visiting her website, and following her on Twitter.

Listen to and download “Love Letters & Broken Hearts” with DJ Lissa Monet

Fly Download Link

During my time as The Fly Guy, I’ve been fortunate enough to learn many invaluable lessons. The most important of which is this: People don’t always want love advice. Sometimes, they just want to be left to their feelings.

This typically happens during a painful breakup. And while kind words and deeds occasionally help, there’s only so many times that a person wants to hear, “everything will be ok.”

Well today is one of those days where you can vent. So go ahead and be upset if you must, as it’s time to get those feelings out so the healing can officially begin … maybe this song will help.

“I Don’t Wanna” by Total

The Fly Lyrics:

Verse 1
I tore up the pictures
All the memories of you
Cause I don’t wanna remember
All the pain you put me through

Here I go again
Can’t get you far from out of my mind
And so many times I’ve cried
I tried to put these things behind me

Chorus
I don’t wanna think about you
I don’t even wanna spend no time around you
Every time I can’t function without you
Every time I sit I’m thinking about you

Verse 2
I keep telling myself
I don’t love you anymore
But why am I fooling myself
Cause this feeling is not too sure

Everything I do
Just brings memories of us
And I don’t wanna think about you
But I’m missing all of your love

Chorus
I don’t wanna think about you
I don’t even wanna spend no time around you
Every time, I can’t function without you
Every time I sit I’m thinking about you

Want a song featured in our Fly Lyrics section? Email me at flyguychronicles@gmail.com

“I think we should spend some time apart.”

As the words left her mouth, I could literally feel the life being sucked out of my body. Sir Isaac Newton once said that “for every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction,” … but I didn’t think he meant this. Just as she was declaring her freedom from us, I could feel myself being simultaneously locked away—confined to a torturous cell of loneliness, where I was forced to relive our past two years together.

Why did she leave me?
Why wasn’t I good enough?
Why can’t we just keep things the way that they were?

But things can’t be as they were. And from now on, I’ll be forced to live a lie with every new woman that enters my life. Now, I may eventually say “I love you” again, but a small part of me will know that it’s only a half truth. I’m forever changed by this moment … the moment that you walked away and took my heart with you.

I’ll never be the same.

At least that’s the way it feels right now…

Fly Video Feature

It seems like we’ve been talking about heartbreak an awful lot lately. That needs to stop. So for this edition of audio love, we’ll give heartbreak its proper sendoff (at least for the time being) with 10 of my favorite break up songs. Feel free to add to the list by suggesting your own favorites. Come next week, we’ll all be singing a much happier tune. Sound like a plan?

Deborah Cox Feat. R. L.- “We Can’t Be Friends”
Fly Lyrics:
To her you’re still family, and it don’t seem fair
For everyone to just go on
And I’ve tried and I can’t do it
‘Cause I’m still torn

Babyface- “Where Will You Go”
Fly Lyrics:
But soon as love appeared
You turned away
And you were so unsure and so afraid
Of feeling what I was feeling
You were scared that love
Would blow your heart away

Donell Jones –”Where I Wanna Be”
Fly Lyrics:
Never did I imagine
That you would play a major part
In a decision that’s so hard
Do I leave, do I stay, do I go?
I think about my life and what matters to me the most
Girl, the love that we share is real
But in time your heart will heal

Mary J Blige-”Not Gon’ Cry”
Fly Lyrics:
Eleven years of sacrifice
And you can leave at the drop of a dime
Swallowed my fears, stood by your side
I shoulda left your ass a thousand times

Lauryn Hill- “Ex Factor”
Fly Lyrics:
Is this just a silly game
That forces you to act this way
Forces you to scream my name
Then pretend that you can’t stay

112 feat. Faith Evans- “I Can’t Believe”
Fly Lyrics:
Hours, days and nights I sat and I prayed
Never thought that I would see this day
I didn’t think that it could hurt so bad
A broken heart was never meant for me

Ne-Yo- “So Sick”
Fly Lyrics:
I’m so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said I’m so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can’t I turn off the radio?

Brian McKnight- “One Last Cry” (Live)
Fly Lyrics:
I was here, you were there
Guess we never could agree
While the sun shines on you
I need some love to rain on me

Dru Hill- “One Good Reason”
Fly Lyrics:
So tell me what am I suppose to do
Should I stay and wait for you
My heart is slowly aching for your love
And I don’t know what to do

“I don’t want to talk about,” he said. “She’s not here anymore, and there’s nothing left to discuss.”

As he trudged out of the room, the loneliness that was painfully clouding his heart left this sense of uneasiness within the room. What did this woman do to him? And could the absence of someone really bring forth such darkness over someone who was once so full of life?

Apparently so.

What I’ve learned is this: There’s a common misconception which suggest that women are the only ones who hurt when a relationship goes south. But whether we outwardly express our feelings, or stoically endure the weight of the moment, men go through the same feelings of anguish and disappointment that women experience after losing a love. There’s really no difference.

Today, I’d like you to listen to Jamie Foxx as he describes his own painful experiences that were brought about by the loss of love.

Click below to listen to Jamie Foxx’s “Rain Man”

Disclaimer: The following topic is admittedly an emotional one. Well not as emotional as when Bobby Brown left New Edition … but emotional nonetheless. I look forward to us having a spirited discussion on a topic that has affected us all either directly or indirectly.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I thought about what you told me yesterday, and I’ve made a decision. Before I share my thoughts though, let me just say that I understand that once I say this, there’s really no way it can be undone. I am, however prepared to deal with the aftermath. So I guess I’ll just come out with it….

I’m not ready to be a dad.

I know we walked down this road together, and ultimately we both played a role in you becoming pregnant. I just wish you would have given me a say in the matter before you decided to keep it. I know it’s your body, but inside of that body is my seed. And since my feelings weren’t important to you when you made your decision, I’ve decided to do what’s best for me.

I’ll make sure that you have whatever you need financially, but I really don’t want to take on the father role right now. I’m just not ready. Hell, I’m still trying to figure out how to take care of myself. All I’ll end up doing is messing up another life if I did this right now. Maybe when I get my act together then I can come back and play catch up. But right now, I just can’t deal with all of this. I know you’ll hate me for a while, but over time, I’m sure you’ll understand where I’m coming from. I wish you well.

The Fly Questions of the Day:

Has a pregnancy or the scare of pregnancy ever torn apart your relationship? If so, what happened?

How much say should a man have when deciding if a baby should be kept?

I didn’t want things to reach this point, but you’ve forced my hand. It’s over between us. There I said. It’s not like I haven’t said this before … you just refuse to listen. So that’s why I’ve decided to take the drastic step of saying it in front of the entire world. Now there’s no longer room for debate. Do I still love you? Yes. Would I like us to continue to be friends? Of course. But this back and forth about us giving things another shot is just not a plausible possibility.

Listen, the last thing I wanted to do was go here with you. We’re both better than this. You think there’s a chance to revive our lost love. I just don’t see it. So let’s just agree to disagree and move on. Please?

The Fly Question of the Day:

Have you ever experienced an ex that just didn’t want to let go? If so, how did you handle the situation?

By contrast, have you ever been in a position where you refused to let a relationship go? Why did you keep fighting for it?

Click Below to Listen to John Legend’s “It’s Over” feat. Kanye West

There was no mistaking the words pumping out of my speakers. These were the distinctive sounds of a man experiencing a foreign emotion. Heartbreak.

“She said that she would be with me forever,” he lamented. “She said I’m in love with you. She said now baby don’t forget … that no one’s going to love you more than I do.”

She lied…

As the shuffle function on my iPod doubled back, and played the song once more, the singer’s pain sank even deeper into the recesses of my soul. The more he sang and pleaded his case for the world to hear, the more it became all too clear that this was nothing more than a songwriter’s fantasy. This would never fly in real life. Why not? Well consider the following:

Do men hurt? Yes.

And is it possible for a man to have his heart irreversibly broken? Absolutely.

But is it also possible for that same man to freely express how crushing the blow was to his psyche without any backlash or his manhood being questioned? Absolutely not.

My first experience with this fundamental lesson about manhood came when my own heart was once broken. The fact that she cheated on me was as shocking as it was crippling … and as unfair as it was embarrassing. How could she have done that to me? In her defense, she pled “guilty by reason of mental defect.” She said that she had realized long ago that she was incapable of being completely faithful to a man. And that even though I had given her everything she could possibly ever hope for in a man, something inside of her still made her want to cheat.

True story.

For the first couple of days following her admission, I was a wreck. But who wouldn’t have been? I even stayed to myself during that period, not wanting to speak to anyone, until my brother finally broke the silence.

“You straight man?”

“Yeah, I’m cool man,” I responded. “She messed me up pretty bad with this one though. So I’m just taking some time to get myself back together again.”

“Oh ok,” he replied blankly. “So…………………….we’re about to go watch the game. Are you coming?”

And that was that. Did my hurt or confusion cease simply because neither he nor any of my friends or family wanted to give me an audience for me to play the victim? Not at all. And over time, I did eventually get over it. But at that very moment, I realized the one truth that most men understand early on when it comes to us being hurt in love and relationships…

No one really wants to hear about it.

Which got me thinking, and eventually brought me to today’s topic of discussion.

The Fly Guy Question of the Day-
Can a man freely express heartbreak without the risk of being labeled soft?
Or is he expected to suck it up, and get over it faster than a woman normally would?

Let me know your thoughts.

Click To Listen To Hi-Five’s “She Said”