Dear Could Have Been,

I’m exhausted. After months of begging, pleading, compromising, bending over backwards, and over compensating, I’m officially done. It’s become abundantly clear that I’ll never be good enough for you … no correction; I’ll never be good enough for your friends.

I initially fell in love with you because I thought you were your own woman. But the more that you let your friends dictate your mood within our relationship, the more I realize that’s the furthest thing from the truth. It’s because of this unfortunate reality, that I think it’s time we went our separate ways.

……………… (sigh) …………. Damn, this sucks.

But I guess the only thing that’s left for me to say is goodbye. I’m sorry it didn’t work out.

Take care,

The One That Got Away

Look in my eyes and tell me the truth.

Can we still make this thing work? Now before you answer, I want you to place my personal feelings aside. Why? Well, I know how we can sometimes hide the truth in fear of hurting one another, and I don’t want that to be your concern today … I just need to know the truth.

So tell me this…

When you think of me, does your heart still pump as vigorously as it once did? And when you dream of one day starting a family, am I the one holding your hand in the delivery room? Or has that once beautiful picture faded over time?

I have to know…

Am I still the man for you? If not, then go ahead and rip away the Band-Aid that’s currently holding this damaged love together. I’d rather experience the sharp pain of losing you now, than to continue watching us slowly pull away from one another.

I just want to know the truth.

The Fly Discussion: Have you ever held on to a relationship because you didn’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings? Tell me about it.

So I’m sitting at dinner last night with a woman who to me was brimming with potential. She was smart, successful, driven, funny, and incredibly beautiful. She even possessed those character traits that I prefer, but aren’t necessarily deal breakers: she liked to travel, was knowledgeable about sports, and even preferred using Lever 2000 over other soap brands. (Okay, I’m kidding about the last part, but you get the message that I’m attempting to convey.) This girl seemed to have all of her bases covered. In fact, I was almost sold on her until she made a rather disturbing confession.

“My mother always told me to have an emergency man tucked away, just in case yours decides to act up.”

Silence.

While I would never openly disrespect the way she was raised, I have to say that I was none to happy about her admission. So you mean to tell me that I can bust my ass and do all that’s necessary to keep you happy, but all that I’ll get in return is the knowledge that another dude is waiting in the wings for me to slip up? Now conventional wisdom would say, “just don’t mess up and you’ll have nothing to worry about.” But that isn’t the point.

How would you like it if you showed up at work tomorrow and your boss said, “Listen Lisa, I think you’re doing a bang up job. But just in case your production drops a bit, Cecil over there is ready to take your place at a moment’s notice.”

It’s flat out disrespectful if you ask me, and it infuses an expectation within your relationship that failure is inevitable.

Needless to say, I ended things with her, and informed her that since this wasn’t a presidential election that I wouldn’t be needing a running mate. As I was driving home, I began to wonder how many other men or women were taught the same principles where the safest bet in dating is to have someone on the side … you know, just in case.

If this is you, then make yourself known. If not, then still share your opinion on this dating philosophy.

Please pray for me. In two weeks, I’ve been asked to speak to a group of young people on the art of the break up. The Fly Guy’s Official Break Up Course is something that everyone should attend at some point. I mean let’s face it, it’s better to part ways the right way, instead of allowing it to get messier than Aretha Franklin in spaghetti straps… I won’t unveil my entire presentation today, but what I will do is give you my 2 for 2 special. That’s 2 ways to properly break up with someone, and 2 ways to handle it when someone tries to break up with you.

The Break Up-ER
Breaking up is already tough enough without the proper preparation. Here are two rules you must always abide by.

No Home Court Advantage: Do yourself a favor. Don’t try to break up with someone at your house…or their house for that matter. You have way too much valuable stuff that can potentially break with the proper force. Besides, breaking up in front of a picture of you two hugged up and smiling makes matters even worse. Go somewhere public…but not too crowded…like the park or the premiere of a Harrison Ford action movie. There shouldn’t be too many people there.

No Backing Down: If you really feel compelled to end the relationship, then you can’t give in and change your mind. Flip flop relationships are more stressful than Rosie O’Donnell in skinny jeans. So before you even start the conversation, think about all of the possible rebuttals to your reasons for ending it, and make sure you have sound responses. Once you make that move, you’ve officially reached the point of no return.

The Break Up-EE
No one wants to be on the wrong end of a break up. But if you’re ever faced with that predicament, at least you’ll be prepared with these two helpful hints.

Just Let It Go: If your significant other decides they want out, then by all means let them go. Don’t fight it…agree with them. On the inside, you may be hotter than fresh grits on Al Green’s face, but there’s no need to let them see the pain. In fact, your strength and quiet resolve may do more damage to their psyche than any combination of four letter curse words ever could.

Find Someone New: After you let them go, I want you to morph into the Dennis Rodman of the dating world. Rebound. And in a hurry. There’s no need to consume your thoughts with someone that doesn’t want to be with you anymore. Find someone or something to occupy your time…I bet your ex isn’t even reading this column right now. Why? Because they’re too busy getting cozy with a new love interest. You can play that game too.