I’ll be the first one to admit this shortcoming: break ups make me uneasy. There’s just something about the giving and receiving of bad relationship news that doesn’t sit well with me. I mean, think about it; is there really another conversation that’s more uncomfortable? I can’t think of a single one.

Over the years though, I’ve learned how to successfully approach both sides of the break up. In doing so, I’ve decided to share a few quick tips to help you navigate through each aspect of a break up. Keep these pointers in your back pocket … you know, just in case the situation calls for it.

**The Break Up-ER
Breaking up is already tough, so why not approach it with the proper preparation. Here are two rules you must always abide by when breaking up with someone.

No Home Court Advantage

Do yourself a favor and avoid breaking up with someone at your house … or their house for that matter. Listen; I’ve been to your place before, and you have way too many valuables that are just begging to be thrown by a scorned lover. Outside of that danger, breaking up with someone while sitting in front of pictures from happier times just makes matters worse. My suggestion: go somewhere public—but not too crowded—like the park or the premiere of a new James Earl Jones action movie. There shouldn’t be too many people there.

No Backing Down

If you really feel compelled to end the relationship, then you can’t change your mind. To me, flip flop relationships are more stressful than the time my dad tried to wear skinny jeans (yeah, it was really bad.) So before you even start the process, think about all of their possible rebuttals to you ending it. Once you’ve figured that out, make sure you have sound responses to their arguments. After all; this is the official point of no return … there’s no sense in letting them talk you down off of the ledge.

_____________________

**The Break Up-EE
No one wants to be on the wrong end of a break up. But if you’re ever faced with this unfortunate predicament, at least you’ll now be prepared with the following suggestions.

Just Let It Go

If your significant other decides to bail on the relationship, then by all means let them go. Don’t fight it … in fact, agree with them. On the inside, you may be heartbroken, but there’s no need to visibly show the pain. In many ways, your strength and indifference may do more damage to their psyche than any combination of curse words ever could.

Find Someone/Something New

After you let it go, the next step is to move on. There’s no need to let your thoughts be consumed by a person that doesn’t want to be with you anymore. Instead, find someone or something to occupy your time. Truth be told, your ex probably isn’t even reading this column right now. Why? Because they’re too busy spending time with their new lover. It’s time you did the same.

The Fly Conclusion: Do I want to see your relationship end? Absolutely not. But break ups are about as inevitable as Republicans and Democrats disagreeing … it’s just bound to happen. In many ways, our fate is already sealed when it comes to experiencing both sides of a break up. So don’t view this as me telling you to expect the worse in your relationship. Instead, consider it me pushing you one step closer to maturely handling the situation in the event that it does occur.

“I can’t take it any more.”

That’s usually the last thought that runs through someone’s mind right before they decide to officially end a relationship. But what ultimately drives a person to this point? While each situation is unique in its own right, there are common factors that can force us all to throw in the towel. Many of those reasons are found here in my “Top Ten Reasons To End Your Relationship.”

1. Falling Out Of Love
In many ways, your relationship mirrors the career of Arsenio Hall. Both started off very promising, only to fizzle out into nothing more than unfulfilled potential. You were once so in love, but now the thrill is definitely gone. There could be countless factors that contributed to you falling out of love, but all of that is now irrelevant … it’s time to say goodbye.

2. R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

During the early stages of your relationship, the two of you were equal partners. But as time progressed, their level of respect for the relationship and your feelings declined. What’s the point of being in a relationship if they aren’t going to respect you?

I’ll let you answer that.

3. You Just Want To Be Free
We have all experienced occasional bouts of cabin fever where we just want to get out and be free. Hey, it happens to the best of us. As long as you’re open and honest about why you’re ending the relationship, then I have absolutely no problem with you making this declaration of independence.

4. Funny Money
You once said that you would never allow finances to get in the way of true love. But that was before you realized that your significant other manages money about as well as the “Real Housewives of Atlanta.” If you don’t want to spend the rest of your life being slowly killed by the stress of financial insecurity, then you may want to get out while you can.

5. No Communication
Good communication serves as the cornerstone of any successful relationship. So the fact that the two of you don’t talk to each other very much doesn’t bode well for the long term success of your union. In fact, R. Kelly probably has a better chance at being elected PTA president than you have at being truly happy in a relationship where the communication is non-existent.

6. Spiritual Direction
The importance of connecting on a spiritual level can never be undervalued. In my experience, it’s an absolute must. Now I’m sure there are many cases of people that are able to coexist in a relationship while being on completely different spiritual wavelengths … I just wouldn’t advise it.

7. Substance Abuse
It’s hard to imagine the love of your life succumbing to some form of addiction. And while your first move should always be to support them in their time of need, there’s only so much a person can take. This all reminds me of when Jermaine Jackson’s wife Hazel divorced him after 14 years of marriage. Maybe she couldn’t deal with his ongoing addiction to hair grease. Who knows? The bottom line is only you know what you can bear.

8. You’ve Been Abused
No one deserves to be abused. Whether it’s physical, mental or emotional, your significant other has no right to subject you to any form of abuse. Period.

9. Meet My Needs
Once upon a time, all of your needs were being met in this relationship. Your mind, body, and soul were all equally stimulated, and you couldn’t remember the last time you’d been so happy. Those were the days. Now it feels like Kanye West and the paparazzi have more chemistry than the two of you. That can’t be a good feeling.

10. Can’t Shake The Past
Some things from the past aren’t easy to overcome; whether it’s abandonment issues, a broken heart, or you still being hung up on a former love. Whatever the case may be, if the issue goes unresolved, then it’s sure to negatively impact your current relationship.

Sometimes it’s better to just walk away until you’re able to fully get over the past. (That’s probably why Halle Berry and I didn’t work out. I just couldn’t get over how bad the movie Catwoman was. It eventually tore us apart.)

The Fly Guy Moral:
Now that you’ve been given the facts, it’s time to ask yourself the following question: “Does any of this sound like my current situation?” If so, then it may be time to make a change.

I’d never try to break up a happy home, but if today’s column forced you to take a long, hard look at your current situation, then were you really happy to begin with?

Think about it…

I had a dream last night. In it, I possessed something that for so long had been absent from my interactions with you…Courage. I had the courage to finally walk away; the courage to express that I’m no longer happy; and the courage to tell myself that I’m better off without you.

As I lay in bed, mentally reliving the strength I displayed, I began to realize that maybe I would be better off without you. I mean let’s face it, things between us haven’t been right for quite some time. And while I constantly fight to improve things between us, you just continue to go through the motions…

I deserve better.

You know, it’s ironic that it took a dream to finally wake me up. But the fact still remains that I do deserve better; I deserve someone who is going to cherish me as much as I adore them; and someone who is willing to lay it all on the line to preserve and nurture a love that we both believe in.

Sadly, that person is no longer you.

What’s even more unfortunate is that I’ve known that for quite some time. I was just too scared to walk away…too fearful of the unknown. But not anymore. Today, I’m reclaiming my life, and more importantly my happiness. You may not see it now, but you’re gonna miss me when I’m gone.

The Fly Realization: I can’t escape the feeling that there’s someone currently reading this who’s been searching for the courage to say those very words. Listen; you don’t have to stay in a situation where you’re not appreciated. You deserve better. I really believe that…but you have to believe it first.

Click below to listen to RL’s “Miss Me When I’m Gone”

The Lyrics:
Today I wrote a letter, jotted down how I feel
And I regret to inform you I no longer can conceal
The fact that my soul hungers for something much more real
I gave you all of me, and you held back still

You’re gonna regret the way that you treated me
Realize that what you need is in me
Wish you could take it all away
But it’s too late

Chorus:
You’re gonna miss me
You’re gonna miss me
You’re gonna miss me
When I’m gone

It hurts like hell for me to walk away
But I can’t stay when you treat me the way
That you do, and I keep loving you
No matter what I do it’s never enough
But you’re gonna miss my love

You’re gonna regret the way that you treated me
Realize that what you need is in me
Wish you could take it all away
But it’s too late

Chorus

One day you’re gonna wake up and see
That everything you needed is in me
Then you’ll reminisce on all those good times
Then you’ll finally realize, that I should be in your life