By: Ryan of Smarter Wealth
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Money can make or break a relationship. In fact money is one of the major causes of divorce in the world today. Many couples will argue and fight and even get bitter at their partner over financial issues.

I have been with my girlfriend for over 2 years and we have made a consistent effort to work together when it comes to money. We have had some difficulties when it comes to money, but overall we have a healthier relationship because of the way we decided to act about money.

If you want to have a great and long lasting relationship then you need to resolve this issue of money with your partner and you need to work together to reach your financial goals. Once you begin to work together you will find more and more that money is not a problem to tear your relationship apart but it is actually a tool to help keep your relationship healthy.

Here are some important first steps you will need to take as a couple to deal with your financial issues:

1. There are More Important Things than Money
Money is not the most important thing in your life. Money, though great, will never make you truly happy. It is through relationships which we find our greatest fulfillment. No one sitting on their death bed ever says “I wish I had more money”, instead they say “I wish I had a better relationship with …” Money is not the most important thing in life and this should be true for our relationships. When money becomes a focus in the relationship you know that there is a problem. Shift your focus off money and onto more important things.

2. Sit Down and Discuss Your Goals
If you are having trouble with money in your relationship (or even if you haven’t) then it is important to sit down together (without distractions) and talk about money. Talk about the way you view money, what you want to use money for, what your financial goals are etc. Try to understand where the other person is coming from. Embrace similarities in your goals and work through the differences.

3. Honor the Other Person
In everything you do with your finances try to honor your partner. Don’t do things behind their back that you know wouldn’t honour them. For example, if me and my girlfriend want to save up for our wedding (we will be engaged shortly so this is a future example) then if I went out and spent all my money on gadgets and junk then she wouldn’t feel honored. When you become selfish with money problems will begin to rise.

4. Learn to Compromise
Learn to compromise on your goals and your visions. Don’t be so fixed on what you want that you try to destroy all of your partner’s dreams and goals about money. For example, my girlfriend wants to do property developing in the next few years. Personally, I don’t. I want to invest into my online business. But I will compromise and save money so she can do property developing which is her dream. By releasing her into her dream she will release me into mine

5. Be Generous
The life of a generous person grows larger and larger. Make a decision to be generous to each other constantly. Me and my girlfriend will always shout each other meals (shout: Aussie term for pay for someone) when we go out. We overall I end up spending the same amount on her as she does on me so it cancels itself out, but the spirit of generosity makes your partner (and yourself) feel valued in the relationship.

Now I just wanted to share with you a few ideas I personally use to use money as a tool for building my relationship with my girlfriend:

* We pay for each other at breakfast/dinner/lunch
* We buy each other flowers
* We buy each other presents
* We plan special date nights for each other each week (one week she will plan and pay for one, the next week I will and so on)
* We help each other out if we are in a tight spot (if she runs low on money one month I will lend her a couple of hundred)
* We teach each other about finances (she is always, always, always teaching me about being generous with finance, I am always teaching her to budget and save)

So stop making money a wedge in your relationship and instead unite and work together to make money work for you in building the best relationships possible.
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Nice suggestions. So here’s my Fly Question for the Day:

Has money ever caused a strain on your relationship? If so, let me know what happened, and how it was resolved.

I guess it’s time for me to get personal and share a little known fact about my life pre-Fly Guy. Well before I surrendered myself to a life of love and relationships, I wanted to a sing. Now before you say, “not another aspiring singer,” I was actually really good.

I sang in this group called S.T.A.T.U.S., and we were a Lyfe Jennings’ defeat away from winning the grand finale on “It’s Showtime At The Apollo.” What I remember most about my time in the group was our ability to sincerely pour our hearts into songs that dealt with the disappointments that love can sometimes bring.

Those memories made me want to share one of our old songs with you. In “How Could You Leave Me Now,” the situation being described is an all too familiar one.

The Setup
“I loved you with everything that I had within me. I laughed with you, cried with you, and would have given my last to you. When times got tough, who was there? Me. I was there to wipe your tears away, and comfort you until you got back on your feet.

But when the tables got turned, and I needed you, what happened? You bailed on me with no reasonable explanation. How could you have done that to me? How could you have left me? How could I have been so blind?”

My Request
After you sit with the lyrics for a minute, share with us your honest impressions of what you would do if you ever found yourself in those shoes. Who knows, maybe it’s already happened to you. If so, then share your thoughts. If not, then please still share your thoughts. I want to hear from you.

The Lyrics:
Verse 1
When I met you, you would cry to me
Getting kicked out of your house with no electricity
So I would tell you jokes by candlelight
Just to make you laugh, it was gonna be alright

We fell in love, well I fell in love
And gave you my life
But when it came to desire, and the walk through the fire
You wouldn’t sacrifice

I know you never really loved
Cuz you would have never left my side
And when I needed you, you said goodbye
And I still don’t know how…

Chorus
How could you leave me now?
When you said you loved, and you’d never let me go
How could you leave me now?
When I needed you the most

How could you leave me now?
Said you were my baby, girl do you remember that?
How could you leave me now?
When you said you had my back

Verse 2
Girl it seems, a little strange to me
When I think about, the way we used to be
I remember when we used to talk
All night long, but now it’s gone

Thought I had a friend, thought I had a mate
But then it seemed that all your friends they tried to hate
Thought our love was strong, but I was wrong
I got the hint so now I’m moving on.

I know you never really loved
Cuz you would have never left my side
And when I needed you, you said goodbye
And I still don’t know why…

[Chorus]

Bridge
Tell me how, could you walk away
When you know I needed you right next to me
Tell why, did you let me go without a fight
My friends are saying, she’s gone, move on be strong
There were girls before you met her, and they’ll be there when she’s gone away
One thing I still cannot believe … is how could you leave?

[Chorus]

Listen To “How Could You Leave Me Now”

Dear Fly Guy,

Juwann

Dear Juwann,

This email will be extremely brief. No matter how many times he apologizes, no man should ever violently put his hands on a woman. Never. There are just certain things that can never be forgiven … which is why things may never be the same between myself and Keyshia Cole following her performance at this year’s BET Awards. That was absolutely inexcusable.

In all seriousness though, I suggest you get out while you can. That shove into the wall may end up being just the tip of the iceberg. Please be safe, and keep me posted.

The Fly Guy

Life is all about signs. Signs of impending danger (Warning, Caution, Beware of Dogs); Signs of advancing age (gray hair, sagging breast, arthritis); and signs of impending life change (a late menstrual cycle, a disapproving look from your boss, or rising gas prices.)

Within this context, it’s not hard to see how our lives are littered with signs at every turn. The older you get, the easier it becomes to not only recognize, but to also responsibly react to the many signs that we encounter on a daily basis.

For some reason though, when it comes to recognizing signs that pertain to matters of the heart … well let’s just say there’s a lot to be desired. Case in point, here’s a classic text message conversation that I’m sure we’ve all been on at least one side of.

The message: Hey, what’s up? I just wanted to check up on you. Hit me back when you get a chance.

The response: I’m sorry. I got new phone and lost all of my numbers. Who is this?

Sound familiar? Now the optimist in you would force you to believe that this person really did get a new phone and “lost” your number. But that’s also the side of you that wanted to believe that O.J. was innocent, that Michael Jackson doesn’t like little boys, and that El DeBarge will one day make a successful comeback.

While your inner-optimist may prove to be right from time to time, there is still another alternative that needs to be investigated…

Maybe they just don’t want to talk to you.

Maybe they decided that staying in contact with you was not a priority… (hey, it happens.)

The Fly Guy Moral
It’s never a good move to chase after someone … especially after they’ve repeatedly shown you signs that would suggest you do otherwise. So if you continue to see warning signs like them repeatedly “losing your number,” or the sign below which comes courtesy of my good friend Aura from All That’s Fab, then maybe it’s time for you to move on and cut your losses.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
[sidebar: Yeah, she cut the guy out of the picture…which is a clearcut sign to any man that hey; maybe she just isn’t interested anymore.]

The Doc Is In
After reading this piece, if you feel that you have been stricken with Habitual-Sign-Ignorationitis (hey, it’s a real disease), then please email me at flyguychronicles@gmail.com so we can diagnose why you seem to constantly miss those painfully obvious relationship signs. If you’d rather treat it yourself, then try some Robitussin, as that might also do the trick.

So Let’s Talk About It

How well do you pick up on the signs from men/women that you are romantically involved with?

Has there ever been an occasion when somebody just couldn’t see the blatantly obvious signs that you weren’t interested in them? How did you handle the situation?

I ran across a feature today over at Sex On The Beach Magazine that is sure to generate countless stories of sex, lies, intrigue…wait. Just read the piece below, and I’ll be right back. I’m about to grab some popcorn so I can sit back and enjoy what is sure to come at the conclusion of this piece.
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Written By Goddess

This syndrome needs to be researched by psychologists world-wide and it damn sure deserves a spot in the research books because everyone has fallen victim to this at some point in their lives!!!

FuckNDuck (fuk.en.duk) n. A post sex scenario which occurs when either a man or woman disappears after sex and makes no attempts of contacting you or having future communication.

Ahhh, now you can relate…you just never knew what it was called!

This is a plague that sadly affects both the male and female species, however, women are more prone to the harsh reality of FuckNDuck.

Here’s a common scenario:

“We had such a mesmerizing and beautiful time on our first date. We went out to eat and shared GREAT conversation! It felt like this could be the perfect guy and that we shared so much in common. We were enjoying each others’ company and felt like it was too early to end the night. So I invited him to my place to watch movies and he gladly agreed. We were really into the movie, but the attraction was so steamy and strong … before you know it, one thing led to another and we were making out and on the fast track to what seemed like the BEST sex I’ve ever had!

In the aftermath, I felt kind of embarrassed about giving it up on the first date because I usually don’t do that so soon. But I was confident this guy would be different from the rest. The next day I was looking forward to my new friend calling me to say what an amazing time we had and to ask when we could do it again?! From past experiences I know that according to ‘guy time’ I may not get a follow-up ring until later that week. And then the unexpected happened … weeks flew by and I figured maybe something went wrong. I texted, phoned, and–NOTHING!!!”

Girl, ya been FuckNDucked. The quicker people become hip to the reality, the sooner they are better equipped to self-immunize or to prevent such a fiasco from happening to them. [source]
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The Fly Question:
So has this scenario ever happened to you? Have you ever been left high and dry before you even had a chance to get your clothes back on? Let me know.

The Fly Confession:
I’ve decided to take some time out of my day just to say thank you. Although we just met, the impact that you’ve had on my world cannot be understated. Each day that we have interacted has brought new possibilities and expanded my already wide horizons to even broader and brighter frontiers. For that, I thank you.

Don’t get me wrong though. This is in no way me trying to rush things, or an attempt to overwhelm you with emotions that neither you are ready to receive, nor I am ready to give. Instead this is my way of showing my gratitude for the beautiful surprise that you are.

You may not have known this, but I was THIS close to giving up on love; ready to just throw in the towel and exert the fullness of my energy towards my career. But then, out of nowhere you appeared; gently reminding me of what it’s like to have the best of both worlds in my life. Again, I thank you.

So here we are. Unsure of what God has in store for us. Whatever it may or may not be, I pray that you never forget how much I truly appreciate what you represent in my life. A pleasant … beautiful surprise.

A Fly Question:
Have you ever been pleasantly surprised by a new person entering your life? Meaning, have you ever met someone, and they turn out to far exceed your wildest expectations? Have you ever encountered a beautiful surprise? If so, tell me about it.

Featured Song:
India Arie’s “Beautiful Surprise”

The Lyrics:
It’s like yesterday
I didn’t even know your name
Now today
You’re always on my mind

I never could have predicted that I feel this way
You are beautiful surprise
Intoxicated every time I hear your voice
You’ve got me on a natural high

It’s almost like I didn’t even have a choice
You are a beautiful surprise

Whatever it is you came to teach me
I am here to learn it cause
I believe that we are written in the stars

I don’t know what the future holds
But I’m living in the moment
And I’m thankful for the man that you are, you are, you are

You are everything I ask for in my prayers
So I know my angels brought you to my life
Your energy is healing to my soul
You are a beautiful surprise

You are an inspiration to my life
You are the reason why I smile
You are a beautiful surprise

Listen to India Arie’s “Beautiful Surprise”

I looked in her eyes, and saw the endless amounts of pain and frustration that he had caused. Though she couldn’t see it through her tears, I was sent to rescue her; ultimately elevating her to a place where her heart could once again be safe.

I wanted to take care of her…
I wanted to make her happy…
I wanted to change her life…

So I took her in my arms, held her close, and promised that she’d never hurt again as long as I had breath in my body. She then lost herself in my embrace, let go, and allowed me to take my rightful place in her life.

But such an ending is oftentimes only found in carefully tailored Hollywood scripts. Which brings us to today’s Fly Question.

For the Women-
Would a guy telling you that he could change your life turn you off or on? What would it take for you to let down your guard, and give him a shot at doing just that?

For the Men-
Describe an instance when you knew without a doubt that you were the man of a particular woman’s dreams? How did she respond once you expressed this?

Today’s featured song is Lloyd’s “I Can Change Your Life.” Check it out and let me know what you think.

“There are no good men left. They’re either married, gay, or in jail.”

Sound familiar? Well if it does, then that’s because you’ve been exposed to a common relationship virus called misconception. And believe it or not, it’s infecting more and more women with each passing day.

Something has to be done…

In my experience, the only way to counteract someone’s exposure to this type of virus is to get them to understand the other factors that can contribute to their difficulty in finding Mr. Right. So for the next two weeks, I’ll describe in detail some of the various behavior patterns that can block a woman from experiencing love on a deeper level. So pay close attention, as this may help you more than a Terrence and Rocsi intervention.

1. Ms. Dependable

The Symptoms:
You are the epitome of what it means to be a great family member and friend. In fact, it’s almost scary how you always seem to be there for others. This makes it hard for loved ones to understand why you aren’t in a steady relationship, as they consider you to be a great catch.

Here’s the problem though: when you do find someone, one of two things happens. Either he falls madly in love with you, and you just don’t feel the same connection; or you fall for him, and he only wants to be your friend, ignoring you more than Mike Tyson ignored middle school … and high school for that matter. To further complicate your situation, you often have trouble letting go of past loves; even when it’s painfully obvious that it will never work.

Is this you? Ask Yourself:

Do you find it extremely difficult to let go of past relationships?

Do you sometimes think that you’ve already missed out on your one chance at true love?

Do you have trouble being physically and sexually attracted to a man that meets all of your emotional needs?

Do your friends and family come to you when they are having problems?

Do you put the needs of others before your own needs?

Here’s What You Should Do:
It’s time for you to do like the song says, and “shout, shout, let it all out.” Until you deal with the emotions from your past relationships, you’ll never be able to fully move on to something new. Oh, and while you’re at it, take a break from being the go-to person for your loved ones. That can also get in the way of your own healing process.

2. Ms. Try, Try Again

The Symptoms:
You are the life of the party. If something cool is going down, you’ll be there. For you, dating has always been about as easy as Paris Hilton on a Tuesday…or any day for that matter. Men are naturally attracted to your energy and confidence. The only thing that’s missing is your ability to have a sustained relationship. It’s not from a lack of trying though. In fact, when you do get into a relationship, you are never the one to break it off—that’s how bad you want to make the relationship work. Even if it means settling for something that doesn’t really make you happy.

Is This You? Ask Yourself:

Do you find yourself always dating people, but never truly finding a relationship that lasts?

Will you drop what you’re doing just to go out on a date?

Is it hard for you to just relax and do nothing?

Do you find yourself trying to be everything that he wants in a girlfriend?

Do you find yourself waiting for him to break up with you, even when you know that it’s not going to work?

Can you honestly say that you know what makes you happy?

Here’s What You Should Do:
As difficult as this may sound, you need to take a break from dating. Just cool out for a while, and start learning how to be comfortable in your own skin. This will help break the mindset that you have to date at a breakneck pace in order to find someone special; which is almost as bad as having a “private” on camera conversation with Jesse Jackson.
Once you’re able to break that habit, you’ll start to notice a change in the quality of the men that you date. You’ll also find that you are now more willing to be your own person, instead of a dating chameleon, i.e. someone who changes to fit the personality of the other person.

3. Ms. Globetrotter

The Symptoms:
Why is it so hard to convince you to stay in one place? Instead of enjoying the sustained love that’s provided by one person, you live a nomadic life, wandering from relationship to relationship. You have the type of personality that makes you very lovable, and men find themselves falling in love with you very easily. But no matter how well they treat you, something inside of you just doesn’t allow you to be faithful.

Is This You? Ask Yourself:

Is it hard for you to stay faithful to someone, even when you truly love them?

As soon as one relationship ends, do you jump right into the next one?

Do you feel uneasy when you aren’t in a relationship, but then when you do get into a serious one, you start to feel trapped?

Are you often down on yourself, and constantly seek reassurance from others?

Do you feel like you’re never content no matter what you do?

Here’s What You Should Do:

The first step is to learn how to love yourself. Perhaps the main factor that has caused you to become “Ms. Globetrotter,” is that you haven’t fully learned how to appreciate how wonderful you are. This in turn causes you to go out and actively seek love from as many people as possible in an effort to validate yourself.

Once you’re able to learn how to love and honor yourself, you’ll find it a lot easier to accept the fact that you are fine with or without a man. You’ll also begin to have a higher sense of self, which will stop you from returning to your old habit of sabotaging your relationships.

The Fly Conclusion:

So that concludes Part One of my “All The Good Men Aren’t Taken” series. Now it’s time for me to hear from you. Make sure you take the time to share with me your thoughts on this week’s topic. Don’t miss next week’s edition, as I reveal the rest of my list.

But I won’t let you blindly follow down that same seedy path. Today is your lucky day, as we will dissect a “Benefits Prospectus Summary,” so you can make an educated decision before completely converting to a life full of FWBs.

Once you’ve finished studying our findings, share with us your thoughts, and in what direction you are now leaning.

[Source]

Had to step out of the love advice realm for a sec to share with you today’s hotness. Fonzsworth Bentley has released a video to coincide with the launch of his new MTV special “G’s to Gents.” Gotta say, I’m digging the feel, although the song would probably sit a little better with me minus the Bentley contribution.

[Sidebar: What’s up with Andre 3000 rockin’ the custom eye patch? Don’t tell me that the next generation of rappers are going to have a “new millennium pirate swag” about them. The survey says no.]