Pop quiz: “What’s the correct way to ask a woman out on a date?”

Now the average man has been approaching women since around the tender age of 12. (for some of us, like myself and Diddy, it was much earlier than that.) This fact notwithstanding, there still appears to be a lack of understanding on the proper way to ask a woman out. So instead of idly standing by as this disturbing pattern continues, I’ve decided to share Five Helpful Tips When Asking a Woman Out on a Date.

Disclaimer: Your chances of success improve dramatically under the following conditions:

A.) She’s available (which means, you can’t go out and try this on Beyoncé or Michelle Obama.)

B.) She’s at least mildly interested in you.

C.) You’re presentable (i.e. fresh breath, washed faced, brushed hair, ironed clothes … should I continue?)

**If not, then let’s begin …

1. Get to the Point

There’s no bigger turnoff than a man who beats around the bush. If asking her out is your objective, then make that known up front. The more time you waste working up the nerve to ask her out, the more likely it becomes that she’ll say no. So keep it short, sweet, and to the point. In other words, if you’re more vague than Mitt Romney’s tax plan, then the chances of her turning you down begin to increase exponentially.

2. Don’t Pass the Buck

Avoid passing the buck at all costs. A great example of this occurs when a guy says to the woman, “I have a pretty flexible schedule. Just hit me up and let me know when you want to get together.”

Wrong move, dude.

In fact, you’d probably have a better chance convincing me that Jermaine Jackson’s hair is naturally silky, than you would at getting a woman to take you up on such a bad approach. It’s your job to take the initiative when scheduling the date. So come equipped with all of the details … let me repeat that: come with all of the details.

3. Originality Is the Key

Presenting a unique date idea is also critical when attempting to increase your odds. I mean, don’t get me wrong, the classic dinner and movie suggestions are still cool, but they do nothing to separate yourself from every other guy who has asked her out within the last hour. Whether you believe it or not, the average woman gets propositioned by at least 3-4 men on any given day — from the UPS man, to her married co-worker, to the homeless guy asking to pump her gas for spare change. With this understanding in mind, it becomes that much more important to think outside of the box, and entice her with a creative date idea.

So tell her that you want to go rock climbing … or better yet, invite her to a mud wrestling match between Rihanna and whoever else is dating Chris Brown this week. These types of date ideas let her know that really put serious thought into how you’d like to create an enjoyable atmosphere for the two of you.

4. Relax

If you’re nervous when asking her out, then she will definitely be able to tell.  So practice keeping your cool. If she says yes, then your expression should suggest that you expected that outcome all along. Even if she says no, you should still remain composed. A lack of confidence ranks right up there in turnoffs with: (a) having an extensive criminal record, (b) having more baby mamas than Diddy and Lil Wayne combined, and (c) having a perm that’s better than hers.

So take a deep breath, relax, and display a level of confidence indicative of a man who knows that he is in control of his own destiny.

5. Make Sure That She Knows It’s a Date

There’s nothing worse than going out on a “I think it is, but I’m not sure” type of date. This occurs when the man doesn’t make it clear up front why they’re getting together. That makes things uncomfortable at the end of the night when she hi-fives you, and slaps you on the booty like you’re teammates at Morgan Freeman’s “It’s OK to Date Your Granddaughter” charity basketball game  … (btw, I’m pretty sure that charity exists … at least, in his mind.)

No, we can’t let that happen to you. So make your intentions known up front to avoid banishment to the friend zone.

The Fly Conclusion:

For the Men: Now that I’ve given you the essential tips, it’s time to hear from you. What has worked for you in the past when asking a woman out? On the flip side, what were some of the things that failed worse than Joe Biden’s attempts at controlling his laughter?

For the Women: I’d also like to hear from you. Our greatest asset as men attempting to grow in our understanding of the female species is our ability to get constructive feedback from you. With that understanding in mind, how do you like to be approached? We can’t wait to hear from you.

In a perfect world, a man could openly express any of the following sentiments to his special lady without fear of break up or bodily injury:

“Baby, those late night Waffle House trips are starting to catch up with you.”

“Hey, why can’t I see the top of your underwear anymore?”

“Are you out of breath already? We’ve only gone up four stairs.”

I could keep going, but I’m sure you get the point. Sadly though, this isn’t a perfect world, so a man has to be a bit more strategic when sharing the difficult news of weight gain with his woman.

In the end, it’s a necessary evil that I wouldn’t wish on any man. But in a society where the likelihood of your girl eating french fries and loaded nachos is about as inevitable as Cee-Lo flirting with a contestant on “The Voice,” you have to be proactive in staving off those extra pounds.

So today, I’ve decided to share three rounds of ammunition to equip you in this ongoing obesity war. On the advice of my lawyer, I’ll carefully label this “3 Subtle Ways To Tell Her She’s Getting Fat.”

Fly Guy Warning: This advice may not prevent inadvertent slaps, kicks or nights sleeping on the sofa.

1. Start Your Own Workout/Weight Loss Plan

Perhaps the easiest way to get her thinking about her body is to kick your own workout plan into high gear. This can actually be a win-win for all parties involved, as you’ll not only inspire her to tighten up, but you’ll also reap the physical benefits as well.

So get her to join you in the kitchen to prepare a healthy meal together, and encourage her to join you in the gym. A large majority of women will view this as a bonding experience between the two of you, and gladly participate in “your” fitness quest.

Self -deprecation works great with this strategy, as you can drop lines like, “I need to get it together before you run off with one of those chiseled actors like Brad Pitt or Morgan Freeman. (Hey, I don’t know who women find hot nowadays.)

2.  Compliment One of Her Old Pictures

A great option is to take her on a trip down memory lane—back when her clothes were three sizes smaller, and her stomach resembled the flatlands of Nebraska, instead of the rolling hills of San Francisco.

A subtle way of doing this is by flipping through her Facebook page and leaving a comment on one of her slimmer pictures from a few years back. A note like, “Wow, you look so amazing … I almost didn’t recognize you,” will surely get her to look twice in the mirror.

Now you can’t be mean with what you say, so do your best to make it appear as though it’s just a harmless, casual comment.

If she doesn’t use Facebook, you can always flip through an old scrapbook, and leave it open to a picture where she resembles the woman of your dreams—back before Captain D’s and a slowed metabolism infiltrated her life.

3. Play Fight and Grab the Flab

Over the course of a loving relationship, there are typically plenty of opportunities to engage in romantic horseplay. A subtle way of turning her attention to this newfound fluff is to grab at her love handles while play wrestling.

If you’re really feeling bold, you can jokingly say something like, “this fight isn’t fair; you’ve got extra padding now.”

Side note: I can’t effectively predict her response to you saying something as bold as this. If you do it right though, it can be an effective tool. But if performed incorrectly, I’d advise you to brace for the start of World War III.

The Fly Outlook

The task before you is perhaps one of the trickiest relationship obstacles that you’ll ever have to face. I deem it tough for the simple fact that it’s incredibly hard on any level to get someone to take a long, hard look in the mirror.

But by turning the mirror to your loved one, you’re not only taking a proactive step in keeping the physical spark between you alive, but you’re also enhancing her health for years to come.

I was told by a loved one today, “I want to know if I’m getting fat. That’s like me having a booger in my nose, and you not telling me. If you love me, then you would tell me.”

I couldn’t agree more. So if you truly care about both her well being and the health of your relationship, then I suggest you find a loving way to help her see what her eyes may be blind to.

The key word here is to do it in love, which may mean finding a subtle way like the ones provided above.

Good Luck.

There are a lot of things that I hate in this world. Politics. Crime, Racism, VH1 Reunion shows … my life would literally and figuratively be so much better if those things were effectively eradicated. But above all of that, there is one thing that stands alone as the most heinous act that could ever happen to me or anyone else for that matter…

Being trapped in the Friend Zone (cue scary music.)

Once upon a time, you couldn’t find anything more frightening than the friend zone (well, outside of a record contract with Diddy.)  By the end of this article though, fear of entrapment will be a thing of the past. So just call me love’s Harriett Tubman, as I am about to lead you to freedom with the following 6 Steps to Escaping the Friend Zone.

1. We Can’t Be Friends … Not For Real

The first step in making your great escape starts with your mindset. Simply put, if you act like a friend, you’re going to get treated like one. Now I’m not saying that you have to totally forsake the bond you’ve forged with this person, but you do have to avoid typical “buddy” activities at all cost.

So avoid going to Bed Bath & Beyond to help her pick out bath towels. And if the guy you like wants to talk about the chicks he’s sleeping with, then address it head-on with, “I don’t think I’m the person you should be discussing this with.”

You have to remain vigilant in your efforts to protect yourself against the assault of buddy-life. My advice: pretend it’s a new Sisqo album to ensure you stay far, far away from it.

2. Shake Things Up A Bit

An easy way to find yourself in the friend zone is by being too predictable. There was a time that I even found myself in the friend zone, and I got there by always being available. The girl had me down like clockwork too: If she was bored, I was there. If she needed someone to talk to, I was there. If she got in trouble, I was there. And while I thought this would eventually win her over, I was only digging myself into a deeper hole of friendship.

What I didn’t understand was the nature of human behavior. When a person is in a relationship, they reach out to their mate. When they’re single, they reach out to family and friends. See what I’m getting at?

So here’s your new strategy. The next time this special person hits you with the “I’m bored” text, take a few minutes, and then respond with, “I wish I could hang out, but I have a date tonight.”

More on this next…

3. Pursue Other People

This may be the hardest step, but I can assure you that it’s a necessary one.  You need to start pursuing other people … today. By doing so, you end up gaining ground in the long run by triggering an emotion that I affectionately refer to as jealousy.

Let me ask you this:

Have you ever had someone constantly pursuing you, only to watch them make a sudden about face to pursue someone else? When it happened, didn’t you secretly think, “Damn, am I missing out on something good?”

Sure you have.

Jealousy is a natural emotion, and as soon as you’re able to use that to your advantage, the sooner you’ll have dirty little thoughts dancing in their head about you.

4. Let’s Get Physical

No … not that physical (I know where your mind went.) And while I’m not telling you that sex is the answer, what I am requesting is for you to break down the physical barriers between the two of you.  Simply put, (or as I call it in “Kardashian Speak”) you have to develop a pattern of touching them.

So any chance that naturally presents itself, initiate some type of physical contact. This can include kisses on the cheek, hugs, and playful wrestling. The more you do this, the more comfortable they’ll be with your touch—which gets you that much closer to accomplishing your goal.

5. Pique Their Interest

Now that the physical barrier has been broken, it’s time to add some intrigue into the equation. The first step is to start sending mixed signals about your actual feelings for them. (If you’re unclear on how to do this, pay attention to Magic Johnson’s relationship with the English language … one day he knows it, the next day, not so much.)

Mixing this type of mysterious behavior with your newfound physicality only raises more questions in their mind. For starters, they’re trying to figure out if you’re actually interested in them. This uncertainty forces them to think about you within the context of a relationship. Mission accomplished … well almost.

6. Close The Deal

We are now at the moment of truth. If you’ve followed my plan precisely, you should now be ready to close the deal. The final step in officially escaping the friend zone is making your intentions abundantly clear.  And while there’s no exact method on how to express yourself, the one ingredient that must be present is some alone time.

So once the mood is right, look them dead in their eyes, and let them know exactly how you feel—preferably in 3-5 sentences (There’s nothing worse than killing the mood by talking too much.)

The Fly Guy Moral: Before you attempt to break out of the friend zone, you need to ask yourself this final question: Am I even going to enjoy this newfound freedom?

Let’s face it; many times there’s only one thing that’s actually better than being in a relationship with someone … and that’s the fantasy of it. In the end, you may find out that it’s not all that’s cracked up to be. So before you throw away your friendship, make sure that you’re ready to accept the consequences, no matter what the outcome.

Good luck. And remember; if you get caught during your escape: we don’t know each other.

Let me be candid for a moment: while lasting love is the ultimate end goal to your relationship journey, there are a few things that you’ll have to give up the moment you decide to commit. Some concessions will be good, and others … well, let’s just say that they’ll take a little getting used to.

So without further adieu, let’s take a look at five things that a man has to give up once he commits. (Fly Note: Women feel free to take this list and apply it to your own situation.)

1. Your Lack of Accountability

Before you jumped headfirst into the deep waters of commitment, your actions often went unchecked. Whatever you wanted to do (within the confines of the law, of course), you could do it and not worry about how it was going to make another person feel.

But once you decide to commit, you instantly have another set of feelings that you have to take into consideration. So those weekend camping trips with the talent from your local strip club will now be a distant memory … that is, if you want to avoid the loss of teeth.

2. Your Personal Space

I’m a firm believer that maintaining your personal space is a must in order to preserve your relationship sanity.  By that same token though, I’m also not naïve enough to believe that you won’t have to concede some part of that space the moment you commit to someone.

The truth is, relationships are all about your ability to share your time, space and heart with another person. So yes, you’re going to have to give up some of your Friday nights, some of those Vanilla Wafers you love so much, and probably the left side of your bed.

That just comes with the territory.

3. Any Female Friends

“End of the Road” … “It’s So Hard To Say Goodbye to Yesterday” …

Take your pick from two of my favorite Boyz II Men songs as they both apply to the future state of your miscellaneous friendships with other women.

Now there may be an isolated case or two where your new love will begrudgingly allow your relationship with another woman to continue. But those are few and far between, and they usually require a notarized letter from your Congressman to let it fly.

So say goodbye to Tonya, Keisha, Stacy, and that cute little bow-legged waitress who works at Applebee’s.

4. Your Singular Identity

As soon as word gets out that you’re officially off the market, the expectation then becomes that the two of you will always be together. So brace yourself for the “where’s your girl” questions that are sure to come whenever you decide to venture out alone.

I’m sure your boys will be the main culprits when it comes to this … but that’s ok. It’s just their indirect, ball-busting way of acknowledging this new phase of your life.

5. The Unlimited Text and Email Option on Your Phone

Remember when your phone could be mistaken as your significant other?  Ahh, the good ole days … back when you texted and emailed about as often as Lindsay Lohan got arrested. That type of behavior, however, will be curbed the moment you commit.

And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. In today’s cyber age, it’s easy to become overly dependant on your devices. But thankfully, you now have a girlfriend who will gently (or not) remind you that it’s time to put the phone down.

The Fly Outlook

When I first announced that I was writing on this particular subject, my Twitter account was set ablaze by a host of women who were all sure that I was about to bash their sisterhood.

But that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Like any important decision in life, one must be aware of the changes that come along with relational commitment. As much as you might like them to, things just can’t stay the same. So before you take that step to commit, be absolutely sure that you’re ready for what comes with it.

I think I’m done for now … can the church say Amen?

First things first, I’m a fan of Beyoncé. It’s hard not to respect and appreciate the talents of someone who works as hard as she does. With that said, I was really curious to hear her new single, “Run the World (Girls).” In fact, I’m not even sure if there’s been as much fervor surrounding a release since T.I. got out of jail for the second time. (wait … maybe it was the third time he got out that I’m thinking of.)

Anyway, the song is officially out, and has the potential to be a summer club anthem. Why? Well, with the song, every woman is now armed with lyrically danceable ammunition for their widely held belief that women run the world.

Don’t believe me? Ask any woman that question, and I’m 97.2% sure that her answer will range along the lines of “umm, women run the world … you didn’t know?”

And while I don’t have the space in this column to directly address that premise, I do have a follow-up question…

“If women run the world, then who runs the relationship?”

That, my friends, is today’s million-dollar question. The answer to which I’ve decided to break down so it can forever be broken (shout out to Larenz Tate … wherever you are).

So who runs things when it comes to relationships? The easy answer is … drum roll please … men.

Now before you huff and puff, allow me to further explain this belief with 3 basic points.

Fly Point #1: Women Want A Strong Man

Regardless of what’s being said at the biweekly “We Don’t Need A Man” National Summit, the average woman is quick to admit her unquestioned desire to have a strong man in her life.

Is this an admission of weakness? Of course not. In fact, I think it’s a reflection of the opposite.

I mean, think about it…

With so many beautifully talented women spending their days as bosses—which can range from running a company, to heading a household as a single parent—the one place that a woman is more than happy to relinquish some control is with her significant other.

She doesn’t want a boss or a daddy. She simply wants a man who is both capable and competent enough to take the lead in the relationship. In all honesty, the average woman has other things to think about, and would rather not be forced to decide if the two of you are going to eat Mexican food or Captain D’s.

At the end of the day, she’d much rather sit in the passenger seat while her man responsibly drives the action.

Fly Point #2: Women Who Do Run the Relationship Are Typically Unhappy

Occasionally, I run across women whose personalities are so dominant that they can’t help but run their relationships. You know the type: naturally assertive and borderline bossy. And while outside appearances would have you believing otherwise, these women are typically unhappy.

Let’s be honest for a minute. How can one really enjoy a relationship if the majority of their days are spent secretly (and sometimes openly) questioning their significant other’s manhood?

Allow me to answer that for you … that type of relationship can’t be enjoyed.

That’s why I sincerely believe that if the right opportunity presented itself for these women, they would gladly leave their current situation for the greener pastures of a man who possessed the backbone described in Fly Point #1.

Fly Point #3: Women Decide Sex; Men Decide Marriage

It’s at this point of the conversation where I’m expecting some of you to tune me out. And that’s not because I’m saying anything particularly wrong or offensive … some people just tune you out halfway through a conversation when they don’t agree with you (hello Republicans and Democrats.)

So if you fall in that category, them I’m pretty sure you won’t read this next statement:

“When it comes to decision-making, women decide if you’ll sleep together. Men decide if you’ll get married.”

Ouch.

I sent that out as a half-joking tweet a few weeks back, but as time has passed, I’m more inclined to adopt it as my own personal belief.

Here’s the deal: Outside of isolated incidents (i.e. Jim Jones and his lady), the lions share of marriages happen when the man decides to muster up enough courage to get down on one knee and ask the big question.

Now, of course, women play a huge role in the moments leading up to that decision, but at the end of the day, the man still has to “man up” and place the ring on your finger.

So while women hold all of the cards when it comes to sex—which, by the way is a pretty big deal in itself—men hold the greatest relational trump card … that is, the card that can make the relationship permanent.

So what does this all mean?

For starters, it means that I’m going into protective custody, just in case I upset the wrong people with this piece. (And by wrong people, I mean my mother and aunts … they like to hit people.)

In all seriousness though, there’s nothing wrong with a woman letting her man lead the way in the relationship. By that same token, a man has to also recognize that he’s leading the way … not running a dictatorship.

As men, it’s an awesome responsibility to have women entrust us with the pace and overall trajectory of the relationship. It’s a job where we’ve messed up many times before, but it’s ultimately a role that I believe we’re designed for. It’s also a role that I can only hope that we begin to approach with the passion and humility that it deserves.

I could seriously keep talking about this … but I think I’d rather go get a burrito bowl from Chipotle instead.

Right now though, I’d love to hear your thoughts on the topic. Who runs relationships? Men or women … sound off.

I’ve often wondered how I got so lucky. I’m a black man living in America with two parents who are not only together, but who still possess the type of relationship where I can tangibly feel their love after all of these years.

To me, that’s big.

Not only has their bond shaped my unquestioned belief in marriage, but it has also been instrumental in my development into the man I am today.

As the years have passed and I find myself thinking about a family of my own, I look to my parents, fully understanding that while they’re far from perfect (who is?), they’ve provided a lifetime of love and lessons that will help me prepare for the eventual father/husband phase of my life.

The more I reflect on their impact, the more my mind becomes inundated with thoughts of my mom. If you were to ask her about me, I’m sure she’d say that I was the silliest person alive. By that same token though, I’m confident that she knows in her heart that she did a great job raising me to be a loving, well adjusted, man of God.

When it comes to treating women the right way, the author of my playbook is none other than her—my beautiful mother. In fact, as much as my siblings and I tease her about her old fashioned ways, I would actually consider myself to be one of the world’s most fortunate men if I could land a wife who was anything like her.

Not in actions or mannerisms (that would be creepy) … but in terms of high-level qualities, my mother is the gold standard. In short, she is:

Beautiful…
Kind…
Fair…
Loving…
Loyal…
Driven…
Accomplished…

I could actually keep going, but I think you get the point … my mother is a phenomenal woman.

So today, while some take the time to pay homage for the past and present sacrifices of their mothers, I’ve decided to take a different approach. I want to thank my mom for what will happen in the future. It’s because of her that I can now identify a great woman when I see her. And it’s also because of her teaching (along with my dad) that I know—without question—what to do with that special woman when I find her.

While it pains me that I’m out of the country and can’t deliver this to her in person, it is my hope that my message will somehow find her, and that she will know that her son thinks the world of her.

So Happy Mother’s Day mom … although I’ve given it my best shot, I’m sure these words will fall short in expressing just how much I love you.

Find me a man who has been in love, and I’ll find you one who’s made countless relationship mistakes. Now as much as I would like to profess our faultlessness in all things love related, that couldn’t be further from the truth. As men, we mess up … it’s as simple as that.

So in an effort to help the brotherhood get its collective act together, I’ve decided to highlight 5 Common Relationship Mistakes Made by Men. (Don’t worry women; your day in the hot seat is coming soon.)

1. Once you get her, you begin to slack off.

In the beginning, you were a model citizen. You were caring, attentive, and even performed the unthinkable … as in, you snuggled up and watched a “Basketball Wives” marathon. (Oh, the horror.)

By doing those things, you proved your capacity to be the perfect guy. The only problem is you haven’t kept it up. Now, the only time that you resemble a gentleman is when you remember to put the toilet seat down … and that only happens sometimes.

2. You get too serious, too fast.

strong>4. She runs the relationship.

I have yet to meet a woman who desires a man with no backbone. In fact, nothing decreases sex drive more than a man who’s incapable of standing up for himself. My grandmother always told me that a woman wants a man, not a puppy. Yet sadly, some men believe that the only way they can keep a woman around is by doubling as her pet, and agreeing with everything that she says. Big mistake buddy … big mistake.

5. The relationship is going nowhere.

Perhaps the greatest mistake that a man can make is believing that his woman is interested in being a career girlfriend. If a year passes, and no forward progress is made, you will certainly hear about it. In her eyes, your desire to keep the relationship in neutral is an even bigger mistake than Lamar Odom posing shirtless for a unisex perfume commercial.

The Fly Conclusion: Now that I’ve outlined the common relationship mistakes made by men, a choice must be made. Will you continue to be snared by these common relational pitfalls? Or will you learn from the mistakes of others, and get your act together? For your sake, and for the sake of your relationship, I pray you choose the latter.

Next week, we’ll discuss common relationship mistakes made by women … all 27 of them. (just kidding … or am I?)

So here’s the scenario: you’ve been emotionally battered, bruised, and have come to a point in your life where you just can’t seem to find a halfway decent man your age. But instead of running to the next 40-something sugar daddy, you’ve decided to employ a different dating approach by trying out someone a little younger.

Should your approach be the same as when you were dating men either the same age or older? Not exactly. In fact, here are three helpful reminders to never lose sight of.

1. Accept the Age Difference

The main obstacle that typically stands in the way of an older woman enjoying a younger man is her own insecurities. Don’t let this lead to the demise of your relationship. While there’s no surefire recipe to eradicate insecurity, you can start the process by avoiding the temptation to ask yourself the following questions: “Am I a lost cause because I can’t find someone my own age? Is this a mid-life crisis that I’m going through? Does this mean that Chris Hanson and Dateline NBC are looking for me?”

It’s actually none of the above. Once you drill that into your head, then you can finally begin to reap the benefits of dating a younger man.

2. Brace Yourself for the Hate

You’re guaranteed to find at least one person who doesn’t approve of your new relationship. While your family and friends may initially joke around about your new man picking you up for dates on his tricycle, they will ultimately follow your lead. If you present him as nothing special, then that’s how he will be treated. But if you let them know that the relationship is built on a solid foundation, then they will eventually ease up and respect your decision.

3. Don’t Talk About It

A common mistake that many women make when dating a younger man is constantly bringing up the difference in age. This does nothing to promote growth within the relationship. In fact, your man would probably rather attend an adult literacy class with Fantasia and Shaq than to be reminded daily that you’re robbing the cradle. Although the subject is bound to come up from time to time, do your best not to dwell on this subject and have peace about it.

The Fly Conclusion

Just be yourself. When you do that, then and only then will you enjoy your new life. Can we all agree on that point? Well, let the church say Amen.

I’ll be the first one to admit this shortcoming: break ups make me uneasy. There’s just something about the giving and receiving of bad relationship news that doesn’t sit well with me. I mean, think about it; is there really another conversation that’s more uncomfortable? I can’t think of a single one.

Over the years though, I’ve learned how to successfully approach both sides of the break up. In doing so, I’ve decided to share a few quick tips to help you navigate through each aspect of a break up. Keep these pointers in your back pocket … you know, just in case the situation calls for it.

**The Break Up-ER
Breaking up is already tough, so why not approach it with the proper preparation. Here are two rules you must always abide by when breaking up with someone.

No Home Court Advantage

Do yourself a favor and avoid breaking up with someone at your house … or their house for that matter. Listen; I’ve been to your place before, and you have way too many valuables that are just begging to be thrown by a scorned lover. Outside of that danger, breaking up with someone while sitting in front of pictures from happier times just makes matters worse. My suggestion: go somewhere public—but not too crowded—like the park or the premiere of a new James Earl Jones action movie. There shouldn’t be too many people there.

No Backing Down

If you really feel compelled to end the relationship, then you can’t change your mind. To me, flip flop relationships are more stressful than the time my dad tried to wear skinny jeans (yeah, it was really bad.) So before you even start the process, think about all of their possible rebuttals to you ending it. Once you’ve figured that out, make sure you have sound responses to their arguments. After all; this is the official point of no return … there’s no sense in letting them talk you down off of the ledge.

_____________________

**The Break Up-EE
No one wants to be on the wrong end of a break up. But if you’re ever faced with this unfortunate predicament, at least you’ll now be prepared with the following suggestions.

Just Let It Go

If your significant other decides to bail on the relationship, then by all means let them go. Don’t fight it … in fact, agree with them. On the inside, you may be heartbroken, but there’s no need to visibly show the pain. In many ways, your strength and indifference may do more damage to their psyche than any combination of curse words ever could.

Find Someone/Something New

After you let it go, the next step is to move on. There’s no need to let your thoughts be consumed by a person that doesn’t want to be with you anymore. Instead, find someone or something to occupy your time. Truth be told, your ex probably isn’t even reading this column right now. Why? Because they’re too busy spending time with their new lover. It’s time you did the same.

The Fly Conclusion: Do I want to see your relationship end? Absolutely not. But break ups are about as inevitable as Republicans and Democrats disagreeing … it’s just bound to happen. In many ways, our fate is already sealed when it comes to experiencing both sides of a break up. So don’t view this as me telling you to expect the worse in your relationship. Instead, consider it me pushing you one step closer to maturely handling the situation in the event that it does occur.

(Author’s note: The following piece is inspired by one of my all-time favorite people to discuss, Bobby Brown. Now that he’s engaged to Whitney Houston’s longtime friend Alicia Etheridge, I figured now was the right time to write this piece. So enjoy, and … ummm … long live the king of R&B. Sorry, I couldn’t resist.)

Discussing difficult topics has never given me any personal satisfaction. In fact, I probably enjoy it about as much as I like eating soggy Fruity Pebbles.  But, when these topics roll around, I have to keep reminding myself that it’s a necessary evil—especially when I see a recurring relationship trend that’s particularly unsettling. Like today’s topic, The Top 3 Reasons That Your Man Ran Off With Your Friend.

Now, am I really trying to pour salt on your wound by discussing this topic? Absolutely not. But I would like to explain to you why he’s now with her instead of you. Humor me if you will.

Reason #1: She wasn’t your friend to begin with.

The one thing that I’ve never really understood about some women is their need to have lots of “close friends.” I’ve seen this play out countless times over the years with women who insist on having upwards of 10 to 20 BFFs. The problem with this approach is that you should never allow that many people into your intimate circle of trust. Why? Well, it increases the likelihood that you’ll befriend a double agent, which is a woman who looks like a friend, but will double cross you the moment something benefits her over you .

I can remember a past girlfriend who had 15 “best friends” while we were together. Over the course of our relationship, at least 5 of them tried to sleep with me behind her back. Were they really her friends? Of course not. A real friend would never purposely sabotage your happiness … no matter how tempting it may be.

Reason #2:  You encouraged the bond.

“I really want you to be friends with him” … “It’s important to me that my man and my girlfriends be close” … “I really need you to spend time with him so you can tell me if you think he’s a good guy.”

Sound familiar?

There are occasions when women actually push their man into the arms of a friend by encouraging them to spend time together.  While it certainly doesn’t hurt to have a man that’s cool with your friends, you may not want to work so hard at growing their bond.

Think about it; it’s human nature to be attracted to a person that you’re constantly around. As your friend and your man increase their time together, they begin to experience the great qualities that drew you to them in the first place. In the end, their personal time spent together could potentially blow up in your face, which would end up being more tragic than the release of those unedited Jennifer Lopez studio sessions.

Reason #3: You promoted him as “Boyfriend of the Century.”

There’s nothing wrong with being proud of your man. But sometimes, women take it too far. Every day, your friends have to listen to you gush about “how wonderful he is,” and how “you’ve never experienced sex this good in your life.”

On and on you go…

Over time, your friends may start to believe the hype and get curious. After all, how many times can you really listen to how great something is before you want to try it? Take me, for instance. Did I really need to buy that Trident Layers gum? No, but I saw the commercial so much that I eventually had to try it.

The same thing applies to your man. The more you keep playing his “boyfriend of the century” commercial, the more intrigued your friends may become.

The Fly Conclusion: At the end of the day, no one wants to see their significant other run off with a close friend. It’s the type of thing that nightmares are made of.  But with that being said, this article shouldn’t be used to promote a level of distrust between you and your friends. Instead, its sole purpose is to enlighten you on the role that you can play in potentially pushing your man into the arms of a friend.

It’s an unfortunate scenario, but I’ve seen it happen more than you might believe. When it does occur, the hurt party is often quick to point the finger at the friend and the former boyfriend. Are they wrong for their actions? Sure they are, but you may have unintentionally played a role in them hooking up.

Thankfully, now you know … and knowing is half the battle.