Can I ask you a personal question? Don’t worry, your answer will be kept between you, me, and whoever else decides to read this:

Have you ever been cheated on before?

Well judging from the letters and emails that I receive daily, it sure seems that way. And while the large majority of our correspondence focuses on ways to detect infidelity, dealing with an unfaithful lover encompasses more than just being able to detect the signs of a cheater. So with that being said, let’s unveil my Nine Step Guide For Handling a Cheater.

Step 1: Check your source.
Before you begin making wild accusations, ask yourself this: Where are your suspicions coming from? Did they originate from your Grandma Ola Mae’s dream book? (”Baby, I dreamed about peas and creamed corn last night, so that must mean Bobby is cheating on you.”) If that’s your only source, then try to find more reliable information.

Step 2: Make sure it’s not you.
Could it be that your mind is playing tricks on you? If you have a history of being an overly jealous lover, then make sure you are not prematurely jumping to conclusions.

(Listen, everyone knows about the incident at church when you accused your girlfriend of being unfaithful shortly after she took communion. From what I hear, you claimed she disrespected you by eating the body and drinking the blood of another man. So sad.)

Step 3: Something’s Fishy.
You have this nauseating feeling resting at the pit of your stomach. Every bone in your body can sense the air of uncertainty surrounding your relationship. When it gets this bad, trust your instincts and find the underlying cause of your feelings.

Step 4: Seeing is believing.
It’s one thing to have a sneaking suspicion. It’s an entirely different ballgame when you actually catch your lover knee-deep in someone else. Now is the time for some decisive action.

Step 5: Take safety precautions.
If the infidelity is certain, then you have to begin thinking about your physical and mental health. In both of those areas, it’s medically unsafe to be involved with someone who’s being sexually irresponsible. After all, who wants to be stressed out while simultaneously running the risk of contracting some new strain of Sexual Ebola?

Step 6: Step out of the situation.
If you can’t give yourself unbiased advice, then step out of the situation. Think about what you told your girl Patrice when she found out about Andre’s secret love affair. In the end, you may find it easier to approach your situation by picturing someone else in it.

Step 7: Talk it out.
You have to approach your fears, and confront your significant other with the cold hard facts. Discuss your feelings, and let them know that you haven’t been this hurt since they abruptly replaced Aunt Viv on the “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.”

Step 8: Open your ears.
Simply put, you need to listen. That’s the key to step 8. Hear them out, and get their side of the story—even if you know that they are full of it.

Step 9: Decision time.
This step separates the men from the boys and the women from Rosie O’Donnell. You have to inform them of your intentions. Will you stay? Will you go? This is the time to make that known. Once that decision is made, there’s no turning back.

Any questions?

To speak directly to the Fly Guy with any questions, email him at flyguychronicles@gmail.com

So here’s the scenario. There is this guy that you’ve had your eye on for quite some time. You think he’s interested in you, but he’s yet to make any serious move. So what should you do?

Here’s my advice: take matters into your own hands. Now more than ever, women are beginning to take some serious initiative when it comes to their dating lives. When you think about it, there’s actually nothing wrong with actively pursuing Mr. Right; you just have to know the right way to do it. That’s why I’ve decided to share with you 4 Tips When Asking A Guy Out On A Date.

1. Speak your mind.

Men aren’t mind readers. And to be quite honest with you, we can be quite oblivious to the subtle hints that women like to consistently drop. So instead of assuming that he knows what you’re getting at when you tell him that he looks nice wearing earth tones, you should just come out and say that you’re interested. It will save a lot of frustration on your part…especially when he replies, “Thank you. So what’s an earth tone?”

2. Go in through the backdoor.

If you’re not brave enough to go with the all-out frontal assault, there’s another way to make your interest known. You should get a friend to casually bring it up to him by saying something like, “Hey, my friend thinks you’re kind of cute.”

I know what you’re probably thinking. “Fly Guy, that’s sounds kind of childish.” And you may be right. But ask yourself this. Do you still get excited when you flip past an old episode of The Smurfs, The Gummy Bears, The Snorkels or any other childhood cartoon that you used to love? I thought so. You see, no matter how old we get, we all still secretly hold on to some of those childhood indulgences that made love fun and innocent. So give it a shot and see where it goes.

3. Present a solid plan.

What most women fail to realize is that the same things that work on you, will more often than not work on us as well. So instead of proposing some hypothetical get together without any real details, come to the table with a solid plan. Try something like this:

“Hey, what are you doing this Friday night at 8pm? I have two tickets to the New Kids On the Block Reunion Concert, and I’d love for you to come with me.”

Easy enough right? (Okay, maybe not the concert part, but you see where I’m going with this one.) Having a well thought out plan makes it that much easier for us to say yes.

4. Don’t overdo it.

The final tip that I’ll leave with you is to avoid coming on too strong. While we appreciate a woman able to speak her mind and express her interest, there are still limits to the amount of aggressiveness that we prefer. (It’s not really fair how society has defined our roles is it?)

As men, we are encouraged to be bold and borderline arrogant when pursuing you. But as a woman, you’re not given that same freedom. In fact, when it comes to dating, women have a far tougher job than even Michael Jackson’s personal trainer…

“Listen Mike, I know you feel kind of weak, but can you at least do one push up for me?………Not even one? Well can you at least say push up, so you can get a mental work out? No…okay, we’ll try again tomorrow.”

My Michael Jackson joke aside, here’s a solution that helps establish a happy medium. Smile and use gentle tones while asking him out. This allows you to be aggressive, while still maintaining your non-threatening posture.

The Fly Question of the Day:
In your opinion, is there’s anything wrong with a woman asking a man out on a date? What are your experiences with today’s topic?

I can still remember her name…Nikki Miller. In my eyes, she was the definition of a real woman. She was my soulmate; my everything. Sadly circumstance tore us apart, as a better opportunity forced me to move away. At that point in my life, I had no idea how to maturely handle a long-distance relationship. So we broke up. Of course, I was only 7 at the time, but my mother could have at least let me call her from time to time right?

Listen; there are times when our career or our general pursuit of happiness forces us to change locations. If you’re involved with someone when this happens, then you’ll likely need a few Fly Guy tools to ensure your relationship’s survival. That’s why I’ve decided to equip you with 5 Essential Keys to Maintaining a Successful Long-Distance Relationship. If you apply these to your situation, you’ll never have to lose out on the Nikki Miller of your life.

#1: Make contact every day- This doesn’t necessarily have to be a 4-hour phone call. But still take the time to at least send an email or text message letting them know how important they are. Failing to constantly check in with your mate will leave them feeling abandoned, which undermines the whole point of even trying the relationship in the first place.

#2: Plan to see each other regularly- There’s a certain psychology behind having something to look forward to. So plan regular trips to see each other during your time apart. Those special moments will energize the relationship, giving you more resolve than the time I had to convince my grandmother that Michael and Letoya Jackson were two different people.

#3: Make the relationship a priority- I know you’ve been waiting for months to audition for the stageplay version of “Who’s the Boss” at your community theater — and I wish you luck on that. But you can’t place trivial matters before your relationship. When you’re hundreds or even thousands of mile apart, it becomes increasingly important for you to make your significant other feel as if they’re still a major part of your life. So don’t cancel a planned phone call or scheduled visit for things that you could honestly do without.

#4: Trust your partner- Nothing spells failure faster than going into a long-distance relationship with no sense of trust. If you can’t trust your mate’s ability to remain faithful while in another city, then why bother? You know, this whole notion reminds me of the time I refused to let Condoleezza Rice borrow my comb. I knew up front that I couldn’t trust her to do the right thing, so I told her no. And if you can’t commit to trusting them (or yourself) then don’t waste your time or theirs.

#5: Make plans for the future- There’s nothing worse than engaging in a long-distance relationship with no true game plan established for when you’ll actually be together again. That’s like working a job without your boss giving you a clear cut answer on when you’ll get paid. (”You’ll get your check one of these days buddy…just hang on in there.”) If it’s a year, then say it. If it’s going to be two years apart, then make that known. That way both sides will know what they’re committing to up front.

The Fly Guy Moral: As you’ve sifted through the information I’ve provided today, understand that there’s no clear cut method to approaching such an enormous commitment. No matter how the two of you plan to approach it, just know that it’s going to take a lot of work, as well as a lot of patience and flexibility. But if you really want to keep the relationship alive, then you’ll figure out a way to make it work. Good luck.

I wanted to take a break from the love and relationship talk for just one sec to share this clip with you. This is arguably one of the funniest things that I’ve seen in a while. Make sure you check out my personal favorite “Hey Ya” around the 1:45 mark.

There are but three certainties in life. Death, taxes, and John McCain’s inability to give a high five. While those three occurrences are virtually money in the bank, what you can’t always rely on is a complete understanding of love and relationships. Here’s the deal; as appealing as love may be, its intricacies are often as confusing as Al Sharpton’s insistence that man perms are cool.

A main factor contributing to this confusion is a laundry list of rules instituted by society long ago. But now it’s time to challenge those archaic principles as we examine Five Common Relationship Myths.

1. You’ll know instantly when you’ve found “the one.”

Hollywood, it seems, has glamorized the whole “love at first sight” concept. While I can’t find fault in those who do believe in such a lofty ideal, what I do take issue with is those who believe that this is the only true indicator that you’ve found true love. (“I haven’t fallen for him yet, so that must mean he’s not for me.”)

Sometimes the best love is slow to develop; initially starting as a simmer, but eventually boiling over and consuming the couple in a lifetime of emotional bliss.

2. If I’m cheated on, it means they don’t love me anymore.

There are many reasons that people cheat, but most have absolutely nothing to do with you. A common misconception is the belief that when someone cheats, it’s strictly caused by a lack of love. While that may be the case in some instances, on other occasions their issues may range from a mid-life crisis, a fear of commitment, or some other internal strife. While that doesn’t excuse their behavior, it should allow you to sleep better at night. In all actuality, they probably still “love” you. They just haven’t learned what true love requires.

3. Never go to bed angry.

There was an episode on the “Cosby Show” where Cliff and Claire decided to stay up all night to iron out their problems. When I saw that, I thought “Wow, that’s really cool.” As I grew older though, I began to realize that you don’t always say what you mean when you’re tired. As the tension mounts and the hour gets late, you may end up saying things that you’ll one day regret.

Try this method instead. Agree to get together the next day to talk after a good night’s sleep. That way you’ll both wake up refreshed and ready to address the issue at hand.

4. If they love me, they should know exactly what I want and need.

Relationship needs are in many ways similar to the way our soon to be ex-President spells his name, as both change daily. (Hey, I have to get these in while he’s still in office.) Seriously though, how can you possibly expect someone to fully understand what you’re thinking if you’re constantly evolving as a person? Placing such an unfair expectation on your significant other will ultimately leave you disappointed and thereby unfulfilled.

5. If I find the perfect person, they’ll make me feel complete.

No one can ever complete you…unless of course, you’re Lil Kim’s plastic surgeon. What a relationship can add though, is a new dimension to your life—but that’s about as far as it should go. Once you begin to love yourself and live life to the fullest, then and only then can you truly begin to appreciate what the other person brings to the table. Until then, you’ll never experience happiness in its purest form as you’ll often slip into this false reality. This “reality” causes you to believe that you are an imperfect being without the love of another person.

The Fly Guy Moral: This list only represents the tip of the iceberg, as many additional relationship rules have also been ingrained in us since birth. Some are probably right on point, while others need to be rejected from your life’s philosophy. In the end, judge each relationship principle accordingly, and if it doesn’t fit into your belief system, then let it go. You can’t be afraid to change and adapt the way you look at life, love and relationships.

Let the church say Amen.

You can always tell when a wild animal has been held in captivity for too long. They possess this glazed over look in their eyes—it’s unmistakable. The same can be said for those who have been single for an unbearably long period of time. Now I’m not talking about a couple of months either. Let’s just say this person hasn’t had a real date since Bobby Brown could actually afford his child support payments.

What’s most unfortunate in many of these cases is the person is unaware that they’ve even reached this point in their life. So to serve as an official wake up call, I’ve decided to share 5 Signs That You Have Been Single For Too Long.

#1- You’ve Become Out Of Touch
Much like Spanish, French, or even a Dikembe Mutombo press conference, dating feels like a foreign language to you. You try your best to understand and adapt to it, but when you try it just feels awkward, which makes you decide against it. Whoever told you that dating was like riding a bicycle was obviously a liar. At least that’s what you think.

#2- Desperation Sets In
This occurs when your dating standards drop to an embarrassingly low level. There once was a time when you held out for a Halle Berry or Denzel Washington-type mate. Now you’re content to settle for Bookman from “Good Times.” Not to say there’s anything wrong with dating a rotund janitor, but the fact still remains that you are now willing to settle for anyone or anything just to avoid being alone.

#3- You Start Overreacting
When desperation sets in, it’s very easy to overreact. Suddenly, you find yourself reading too deeply into the actions of others in hopes that they may in fact be interested in you. This can range from your restaurant server smiling when she asks if you’d like cheese on your Whopper, to your coworker holding the door for you while saying “have a nice day.” While these may only be random acts of kindness, you trick yourself into believing that a love connection is right around the corner.

#4- You’ve Become Bitter
Suddenly your views on dating are like listening to Lauryn Hill’s MTV Unplugged album, as both are filled with endless amounts of bitterness. Perhaps it’s the past hurt you’ve endured that’s hardened you. Whatever the case, it’s become apparent to all that you despise the idea of love. You even try to talk others out of being happy, which makes you the official poster child for the phrase “misery loves company.”

#5- You’ve Become Too Picky
The greatest indicator that you’ve been single for too long is the exact opposite of being desperate. Instead of settling for anyone, you actually find fault in everyone. In doing so, you sabotage any legitimate shot at finding happiness. Remember that one guy who was really nice, but you didn’t like him because his right ear lobe hung a bit lower than the left? Or what about the woman you shunned because you said she had unusually long elbows? The bottom line is that everyone has faults, but you can’t use them as an excuse to stop trying altogether.

The Fly Conclusion- Throughout my travels, I’ve come across some amazingly beautiful people who are single, and have been for quite some time. Many of them have deliberately chosen this path in order to focus on their own journey of self-discovery. This article was not directed towards them.

However, there are many others who lack a clear understanding of exactly why they’re alone…which kind of reminds me of how Sisqo must have felt at his album release party. But unlike Sisqo’s singing career, all is not lost for you. By addressing the signs and maintaining a positive outlook, your dating drought will eventually end. I’m sure of it.

Do you feel any pressure on your chest right now? No, I’m not talking about the effects from eating your Aunt Lisa’s day old greens. But I do believe there is this invisible force that keeps pushing you back every time you get close to being in a serious relationship. So how can we fix the problem? The first step would be to identify certain areas in your life that need to change. That’s why I’ve decided to unveil the Top 5 Things That Are Holding You Back in Relationships.

(Note: No matter what you try to tell yourself, the fact that you’re still holding out hope that Will and Jada will one day get a divorce is not the main thing that’s holding you back.)

1. Your past still haunts you.

I’m a living witness that being hurt in the past can stay with you for quite some time. In the end though, that pain can actually build character and help you become a better, stronger person. But that’s only if you turn that negative experience into something positive. There are some people who use their past disappointment as the primary reason for them to never trust again. But if you continue to let the past hold you back, you’ll find yourself like Snoop Dogg at his Soul Plane Oscar Party…alone.

2. Somebody told you that the grass was greener.

The idea that there’s something or someone out there that’s better for you can oftentimes hold you back from giving your all in a relationship. On the one hand, you should never settle for a can of spam when you can potentially have a steak. But it’s the people who already have the steak though that really bother me. Instead of just being content with having all of their needs met, they instead try to convince themselves that it’s not enough, ultimately sacrificing what they have just to find out if they were right. Basing your love life on these types of “what-ifs” will leave you more unfulfilled than the time I tried to watch that VH1 special on Paris Hilton.

3. Your self-esteem could use a boost.

I know what you’re thinking. How can your self-esteem hold you back from finding happiness in your love life? Easy. If you don’t like what you see when you look in the mirror, then certain questions will eventually begin to creep in like, “Why would they want to be with someone like me?” “Are they going to disappoint me like my last relationship?” “Will I be alone for the rest of my life, with nothing to do but eat TV dinners and watch reruns of ‘Gimme A Break’?”

Ok, maybe not the last question, but the fact still remains that a drastic dip in your self-esteem can have you avoiding relationships like Al Green running from a pot of hot grits.

4. Your friends are sabotaging you.

We’ve all heard of people that possess a crabs-in-a-barrel mentality. But I bet you never thought your friends could be capable of this type of behavior. Sometimes the main people that are holding us back are the ones that are the closest to us. I know that your girl Sheila was there for you when you were behind on your rent. And I also know that your boy Kevin had your back when your company was downsizing. But let me ask you this. Have they ever truly been happy for you when you were in a relationship? Or did they constantly find ways to poke holes into your happiness, convincing you to be alone just like them? I’m not saying that all of your friends are like this. But be aware that there may be some people in your life that don’t have your best interests at heart…sort of like Flavor Flav’s dentist. (He can’t care about Flav…I’m sorry…he can’t.)

5. You rely too much on the approval of others.

From your mother, to your coworkers, to the guy that sells you scratch-off lottery tickets at the gas station, you’ve always had a bad habit of basing your happiness on what other people think. So what if they don’t like it that you’re dating Bookman from “Goodtimes.” As long as you’re happy and you’re being loved, honored, and respected, then you shouldn’t let their opinions hold you back.

The Fly Guy Moral:

So now is the time for you to make a choice. Are you going to make some changes in your life so you can give yourself a fair shot at finding love? Or will you continue down this same path that keeps holding you back? Whatever the case may be, I hope my words have served as a wakeup call for you, and force you to take a long, hard look at the way you currently love.

Pop quiz. What’s the safest way to ensure a healthy, happy relationship? While I can’t audibly hear your response, I’m 98.7 percent sure that your answer includes suggestions like developing trust and promoting open lines of communication. (The other 1.3 percent of me doesn’t really care what you think as that side of me is currently focused on the “Diff’rent Strokes” marathon about to start on TV Land.) But my nostalgic distractions aside, the rest of me feels compelled to offer an alternative to your relationship philosophy. While I can’t disagree with the importance of your points, my personal experiences have led me to adopt three essential keys which have proven vital in any attempt to sustain a healthy relationship. They are: strength, courage and wisdom.

Strength

I was recently speaking to a group of friends, and over the course of our conversation, I began to share my three-fold approach to sustaining a healthy relationship. As I delved into the particulars, many within the group loudly objected to strength sitting at the top of my list.

“What does strength have to do with anything?” they loudly slurred while signaling the bartender to bring a fourth round of drinks. “Why aren’t you discussing the real issues that tear a relationship apart, like a lack of trust or miscommunication?”

What they didn’t understand was that a person’s individual strength plays a key role in dictating the direction of the relationship. Is a person strong enough to avoid losing their individualism for the sake of pleasing the other person? And do they possess enough strength to resist the temptations that can come from the outside world and encourage cardinal sins like infidelity?

These and other questions should be asked when assessing the level of your own strength as it pertains to your relationship.

Courage

Despite the perpetual happiness of Rebecca and Uncle Jesse on “Full House” from TGIF’s of yesteryear, adversity knocks on every couple’s door—whether it’s overcoming infidelity, ignoring the increasingly loud voice of disapproving family members, or facing financial troubles capable of sapping the life out of any couple.

When dealing with these types of adversity, couples are faced with a choice: You can either have the courage to stay the course and fight for the relationship that you believe in. Or you can do like most people, and bail at the first sign of trouble. (This could help to explain our alarming national divorce rate.)

I personally long for the days when more brave souls are willing to stand up and say, “Despite everything that we are currently going through, I love you and I’m willing to stick with it to figure things out.”

But that takes real courage … something that is sorely lacking nowadays.

Wisdom

Wisdom within the context of a relationship can have many faces. For starters, it takes a considerable amount of wisdom to understand and appreciate the undeniable fact that throughout the course of your relationship, each person is bound to grow, mature and ultimately evolve. But many people (myself included) have used the idea of growth, as a primary reason to move on to something new. (Be honest, how many of you have cited “growing apart” as the reason that you left your relationship?)

A wise man (or woman) understands that change is inevitable, that growth is necessary, and that evolution is a way of life. They also understand that in order to account for those changes, both people have to be willing to adapt as the situation calls for it. Traditional dinner and movie dates are bound to get old. Anniversary outings to the Cheesecake Factory are destined to lose their luster. And an overall stubbornness to accept the change within a person is the first step leading to a couple’s demise.

It’s a good thing that wisdom serves as a capable antidote to the relational ills prompted by an indisposition to change.

The Fly Guy Moral: With that being said, here’s the absolute bottom line. Relationships take work. And if you aren’t ready to roll up your sleeves, and exercise a little strength, courage, and wisdom, then you’ll never be able to fully realize the true potential of your relationship. Your thoughts?

From Beyonce and Jay-Z to Barack and Michelle Obama, all couples are sure to face days when their relationship isn’t chock full of rainbows, unicorns, and fairies sprinkling magical pixie dust about as they gleefully float on the wings of love. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. While the highs of love are indeed wondrous, it’s the average “ho-hum” days that truly test and define the mettle of a union.

Let’ face a reality right now: Anyone can stay dedicated during the best of times. But what about the other days … the days when you certainly love one another, but don’t necessarily feel like being in their presence? And let’s not forget the days when you become so disenchanted that you begin to reminisce on the single days of yesteryear. It usually happens on days such as these, when one of you makes a questionable statement which incites an angry response from the other person. I call these “relationship misstatements,” and today I’d like to discuss two of the more prevalent ones. Let’s tackle the men first.

Male Misstatement

“Huh?”

I’ve never been a fan of this word, but on occasion some men have the unfortunate tendency to say “huh” when faced with a question they aren’t fully prepared to promptly answer. Perhaps we as men possess some undiscovered faulty genetic flaw which causes temporary hearing loss when faced with questions like “Where have you been?” and “Where are you going?” Who knows the true cause of this troubling response. What I do know is this. No matter your level of innocence, by answering her questions in this manner, all you end up doing is raising a cloud of suspicion over you, which will in turn force her to examine your future actions more closely. (Her threat level will rise from yellow to orange.)

You may have been telling the truth. You actually could have been going to help your boy Tony resurface his driveway. But now that you’ve offered such a weak response, you’ve opened up the door to a possible decrease in the level of trust in your relationship.

Female Misstatement

“I didn’t think that needed to be said.”

For the past 10 years, I’ve embarked on a covert mission to unearth a copy of the Female Code of Conduct, or as many of my male counterparts like to label it, the FCC. (My uncle Lonnie seems to thinks that stands for ‘Freaking Crazy Chicks,’ but I won’t go there with him.) In any event, my primary reason for wanting to read this instruction manual on the female brain is to override the part of a woman that assumes all men are psychic. (I’ll wait for you to finish scrunching up your face.) The fact remains that as communicative as women tend to be, many of them leave out the important details that men really need to know. I mean sure, we don’t mind talking about what happened on “Desperate Housewives,” or how your jealous coworker Pam is out to get you. That’s all fine and dandy. But if you only spend time discussing surface issues, then how are we supposed to know that you don’t like it when we fall asleep directly after sex? Or better yet, how can you get mad at us for not being aware that you hate the way we joke around in front of your friends?

Giving us the silent treatment may speak volumes in your mind, but when it comes down to it, most men need you to spell out your frustrations in capital letters. And when you finally bring your feelings to the forefront, and we ask where this is coming from, you have officially been given notice that this answer—“I didn’t think it needed to be said”—is unacceptable.

The Fly Conclusion:

Now that I’ve tackled two of the more prevalent relationship misstatements, it’s time for me to hear from you. Share with me some of the statements and responses that tend to get under your skin when fighting to survive in a relationship.

By David DeAngelo

When most guys set out to impress a woman they do all the wrong things. Here are 10 ways you can set yourself apart from the 39 other lame guys she’s met, and I guarantee that she’s both impressed and intrigued by you.

No.10 - Be original

I don’t know many women who haven’t been taken out to dinner at least 100 times. So, be original and, when you get together, do fun things that she doesn’t get to do with anyone else. Take her on a bike ride or to the park to play Frisbee or to a tiny Italian cafe that has a fascinating story behind it. Sneak up to the top floor of the highest building in the city or take her to a playground and go on the swings. It’s doing fun things like this that will get her addicted to you — fast.

No.9 - Stay in control

Women like a man with a plan; when you call her up, don’t make her “work” by having to make any decisions. Let her know exactly what time you are picking her up, where you are taking her and what she should wear. When you get to wherever you are going, decide what you are going to do there, and where and how you are going to do it. Let her sit back and relax while you take care of the details. And later, show her where your bedroom is — and for god’s sake, take her clothes off for her. It’s the gentlemanly thing to do.

No.8 - Be chivalrous

Being chivalrous is a powerful way to let a woman know that you’re the man and she’s in good hands. Open doors for her and pull out her chair. When you’re walking down the street, make sure you always walk on the outside of the curb, and tell her why you’re doing it. Put your hand on the small of her back when walking into a restaurant or across the street. You’ll be surprised at just how much this turns her on.

No.7 - Be cool

Don’t be the type of guy that sweats the small stuff… like an unreturned phone call. Simply pretend you were too busy to even notice that she forgot to call you back. She’ll probably assume you were busy with other women — which is always a good thing.

No.6 - Be mysterious

Too many guys make the mistake of throwing their entire lives on the table when they meet a woman they are interested in. So, be different and hold some things back — especially those that people might consider impressive. People are much more impressed by the accomplishments of others when they “discover” them rather than being told about them. For instance, if she asks you what you drive and you happen to drive a nice car, tell her you ride a motor scooter. When she finds out the truth, she’ll be impressed not only with your vehicle, but also your sense of humor and modesty.

No.5 - Have a life

The one thing that all men who are really successful with women have in common is that they all have great lives of their own, and they don’t need a woman in their lives to be happy. Women find this extremely attractive. It’s easy for a woman to land a guy that “needs” her, but when she meets a guy that has a successful and happy life already, she’ll do whatever she can to convince him that she should be a part of it. So, find some things that you are passionate about, whether it be hobbies, sports or business pursuits, and make them your main priorities instead of her. Keep yourself active and well-rounded — and let her be the one to try to chase you down. She’ll love you for it.

No.4 - Be unpredictable

The single biggest mistake men make with women is being predictable. You’d think women would appreciate it if they knew exactly when you were going to call and what you were going to do when you got together, but in reality it kills the two biggest things women long for in a relationship: excitement and anticipation. So don’t always call exactly when you say you will. Invite her over to take her out to dinner, and take her straight to the bedroom instead. Invite her over to get physical, and instead take her out to dinner. Are you beginning to get the picture? Keep her guessing and you’ll have no problem keeping her around.

No.3 - Make her earn it

I’m sure you’ve heard the old saying that states that “people don’t value what they don’t have to work for.” Well, the same holds true for women and dating. If you’re putting in all of the effort in the relationship, she won’t value you or appreciate your time. So make sure she’s calling you as much if not more often then you’re calling her. Have her come over to your house and pick you up every once in a while, and ask her to help you out with small favors here and there. The more work she puts into the relationship, the more she’ll value it — and the more she’ll want to get out of it (and that includes sex).

No.2 - Make a move

After she’s proved herself to you, it’s time to be a man and make a move. Women don’t respect a man who doesn’t have the guts to go for that first kiss — or anything else — so don’t let her down. Making a move will make her feel sexy and attractive, and it will show her that you are the type of confident, powerful man she is looking for.

No.1 - Be casual

The last thing a woman wants is a guy who starts calling her 10 times a day after they’ve had a fun night out. If you start acting like you’re ready for marriage after the first date — or even the fifth — you might as well have the words “I’m desperate!” tattooed across your forehead. Instead, keep things cool. Don’t rush into anything, and let her be the one to take things to the next level. She’ll respect you more and you’ll have a far better chance of ending up in the great relationship you are looking for.

Fly Questions of the Day:

For the men: What has worked for you when trying to attract a woman? In contrast, what “strategies” have failed miserably?

For the woman: What things typically attract you to a guy? What things repel you?