For as much as I write about love and relationships, I still have so much to learn. Love is just one of those things that I’ll probably never get a full grasp on (It’s sad, but true.) So instead of being hard on myself about it, I just use sound judgment, pray for the best, and let the chips fall where they may.

As unglamorous as that may sound, that’s the totality of my understanding of love.

But if that’s the case, then what makes me the Fly Guy? I’m glad you asked. Besides my dashing good looks that have been known to drive the grandmothers at my church wild, my flyest characteristic is my ability to swallow my pride and admit my shortcomings. They are as follows:

1. I rarely wear socks.
2. I wet my pants when I was in the third grade (long story.)
3. I know the theme song to every late 80’s sitcom (I’m actually not apologizing for this one.)
4. I stole $13 dollars out of my mom’s purse when I was eleven (don’t tell her.)
5. I was so nervous that I farted loudly during my SAT exam.
6. I snore quite often.

Now I’m sure I could keep going … but over all of those flaws, my greatest shortcoming is my failure to adequately articulate what is going on in the pictures below. For the life of me, I’ve tried but I just can’t do it.

So there you have it … I’m a quitter.

I am resigned to the fact that I’ll never understand these pictures. So go ahead … bask in my failures. But as soon as you’re done, maybe you can explain to me what in the hell these people are thinking. I’d really like to know …

One of my mother’s favorite TV shows used to be Bill Cosby’s “Kids Say the Darndest Things.” I can still remember how the off-the-wall comments by the kids used to make her laugh uncontrollably. Sadly, that show is now cancelled, so my mom is resigned to watching old DVDs of Akeelah and the Bee, and Madea Goes To Applebees (or whatever Madea is doing nowadays.)

Today though, I’ll be glad to let my mother know that kids are still capable of saying some pretty crazy things, as evidenced by the following quotes from kids who were asked their thoughts on love, dating and marriage.

Truth be told, some of them seem to have a better understanding of relationships than many of us. Check out their thoughts, and enjoy.

1. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
— Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.
– Kristen, age 10

2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
— Camille, age 10

3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
— Derrick, age 8

4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don’t want any more kids.
– Lori, age 8

5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
— Lynnette, age 8

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
— Martin, age 10

6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they’re rich.
— Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.
– – Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.
– – Howard, age 8

7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
— Anita, age 9

8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?
— Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is…

9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
— Ricky, age 10

(via)

I can’t lie … over the course of my life, I’ve experienced my fair share of pregnancy scares. It didn’t matter if it was a long-time girlfriend, or the girl I met at that “A-Team” fan convention, the fear of unwanted pregnancy is still the same—regardless of my relationship with the woman.

When it comes to avoiding these types of scares, the average person would probably preach the importance of either abstinence or contraceptives … but not me. I’ve found something that may prove to be even more effective in the fight against unwanted pregnancy.

Check out the video below, and let me know if you agree with this new approach.

I’ve had my fair share of failed moments when it comes to gaining the attention and affection of a young lady. But through all of my forays into the dating waters, what I’ve never done is send a compromising camera phone picture of myself.

Not that there’s anything wrong with it, if that’s what floats your boat. But…

I just find it hard to believe that anyone could get turned on by the following camera phone failures. This is a bad look, and in my opinion, the wrong way to seduce someone.

(Source: Get Out Of The Mirror)

It’s been a while since I’ve felt compelled to write a love letter to my future wife. But as fate would have it, something happened to change my position. It’s because of these unfortunate circumstances that my hand has now been forced.

So here goes…

Dear Future Wife,

Over the years, I’ve practically seen and heard every imaginable circumstance that led to the demise of relationships. I can honestly say that after analyzing the problems of countless couples, the one thing that I’m most concerned about is us losing interest in each other physically.

Well that used to be my concern…

But after watching the following video, I actually feel more confident about our future. If there is ever a time when I felt like the physical love between us is fading, I’m simply going to watch this video, follow it’s instructions, then sit back and wait for our love life to return to normal.

If only more couples had watched this video before they divorced. Maybe then more couples would be together. Thankfully, I’ve watched it … and because of that, we’ll spend the rest of our lives together.

Love always,

Your Future Husband

The Fly Video

I’m sure you know the rundown: Love is patient … love is kind … it does not envy, nor does it boast…

I could keep going, but we all know how it ends. But the words aren’t what is important here; it’s the message … the message that love can be a pretty amazing thing when anchored by those beautiful biblical tenants.

As great as love may be though, there’s just one thing that I can’t seem to come to grips with when it comes to the big L word. What I can’t seem to fathom is how love allows some people to sit by as their significant other participates in ruinous activities. I mean, if you love someone, could you really knowingly let them do any of the following:

Engage in addictive behavior with illicit drugs…
Waste an opportunity to accomplish life-long dreams…
Buy a boxed set of “Flavor of Love” DVDs…

The last may be the greatest offense, but they all classify as what I like to call love testers. If any present themselves, it is your duty to step in and provide a clarion voice of reason for your loved one.

So with that understanding in mind, I can say with no hesitation that former NBA player Ron Harper’s wife does not love him. How could I say something like that? Well, if she really loved him, she would have stepped in and stopped him from doing the interview in the video below.

Watch the video, and ask yourself if love would have allowed this? I think not.

I love my mom … I promise I do. But every time I give her a call, she always seems to steer the conversation towards me not being married with kids. “You need you a wife,” is the main idea of all of our talks.

To be perfectly honest, there was a part of me that grew tired of this constant refrain. But then I saw a video tonight that changed my entire perspective. A close friend just sent me an email a few minutes ago, and after watching it, I’ve decided that my mom was right … It’s time for me to leave the dating game behind an settle down with the woman of my dreams.

Check out the video, and you’ll see what I mean. I really don’t think that I’m capable of being successful in a dating world where everybody’s “smanging.”

**BTW, this group is so unintentionally funny … I mean, the jokes just write themselves.

Also, I’m writing again … be very afraid.

I would never profess myself to be a mathematician, so I’ll just leave that to the experts. However, a friend recently sent me an email that made the mathematical wheels start turning in my head. Will the following post get me in trouble for posting? Perhaps … but there was no way that I was going to take the safe way out and not post this.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you … The Equation. In one man’s mind, this is E=mc2 … the ultimate equation for understanding women.

(Fly Acknowledgment: Shout to @Thatboitimi for the mathematical diligence)

Dear Future Wife,

As the words pour out of my pen, my heart simultaneously longs for the day that we can officially be together. But until that day arrives, there is something that present-day me needs to discuss with future you. While I’m sure we’ll get a chance to learn about each other’s quirks and idiosyncrasies over time, there is one thing that I’m not willing to compromise on. When it’s time for us to have children, you have to promise me that you’ll never allow our kids to smoke cigarettes like the two year-old boy in the video below. Give me that one thing, along with an occasional turkey sandwich, and I’ll love you forever.

Signed with Love,
The Fly Guy

Dear Future Wife,

I know that we haven’t met yet, but I still pray that all is well with you. While I’m sure that we’ll catch up on things when we finally do cross paths, there is one thing that I wanted to go ahead and say. If God blesses us with a son, then I ask that you give me permission to jack him up if he ever conducts himself like the young men in the following video.

Now it’s not so much that they’re fighting—although, we will teach our kids how to behave both in public and in private. No, the real issue for me happens at the 1 minute mark. So take a look at the clip, and please hear my heart when I say this … our son will NEVER do a spin then subsequent split for as long as I have breath in my body. That’s my only non-negotiable as far as our relationship goes … well, that and you cheating on me. Other than those two things, you’ll find that I’m pretty easy to get along with. So do we have a deal? I hope so, and I hope to see you soon.

The Fly Guy

The Video