So before you automatically assume that she enjoys collecting He-Man figurines just like you, it might be best to read the following guest feature first. In it, relationship writer Christina Colangelo discusses this frequent practice of dating deception. How dare you ladies??

As always, read, comment and share.

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Written by: Christina Colangelo

It’s a classic tale. Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Boy shares one of his biggest interests with Girl and is stoked when Girl reveals that she loves said interest too. Boy is happy. Cut to six months later. Girl isn’t as into the “shared” interest anymore. Boy is sad.

This scenario has happened to every guy at least once in his dating career and probably leaves him befuddled every single time. Chances are the girl has faked or “exaggerated” (girl term for faked) her interest in your hobby to pique your interest in her. And there’s even more of a chance that you were so stoked to meet a girl who was into MMA that you failed to even consider the possibility that she was trying to change herself for you. Well, open those eyes, buddy, because here’s how your obliviousness can ruin your relationship.

The passion attraction

It’s no secret that a guy is hot when he’s passionate about something. For some girls, your passion for a subject is intoxicating enough to want to know every detail about it. She’s head over heels for you and you’re head over heels for fishing, so why wouldn’t she want to throw on her galoshes, hop into your rowboat and act like worms don’t freak her out? But unlike real passions, which can last for a lifetime, borrowed passions last about 6 months. After the brand new luster wears off your relationship, she may start to think of your passion as more of a nerdy obsession and will participate in it less and less.

New interests fall by the wayside

Part of the fun of being in a new couple is sharing individual interests and discovering new ones together. Your knowledge of literature might not extend past the back of your cereal box, but if she’s an avid reader, it could push you into reading one of her favorite novels. Opposite interests drive us to make an effort to learn something new, so if you assume from the start that she loves everything you love, you’ll miss out on growing together. Things can get stale pretty quickly without the desire to experience new things.

Reinforced enthusiasm

When you’re single, you’ve got all the time in the world to devote to your own passions. You feel like spending all day watching slasher movies? Go ahead! Want to go to the batting cages for hours every weekend? More power to you! But a new relationship takes time away from those hobbies — and that’s usually a welcome thing because you like the girl and want to spend more time with her. But when she seems like the number one cheerleader for your time-consuming passion, you’ll become consumed with it at her expense. Eventually, she’ll retract all the enthusiasm, she used to have for your interest, and you’ll continue to revel in it because you assume you have her blessing to do so. Cue resentment and fights!

She’s not your buddy

When you met her she was the coolest chick ever. She was into sports, staying in on the weekends and loved throwing beers back with your buddies. Your friends loved her, and you were just stoked to be with such a laid-back chick who was totally “one of the guys.” But she’s not. No girl that you’re dating is ever really going to be “one of the guys.” She may still like sports and beer, but she probably played up her enthusiasm for them to attract. Now that your relationship is full steam ahead, she wants to be treated like your girlfriend, not your friend.

Has she lost more than her interest in your hobby?

Most guys have no clue why any girl would pretend to like something she has no actual interest in. After all, you’re not running out to go to her pottery classes. Whether it’s because most guys have more self-confidence than girls or because girls are more open to new experiences, the important thing is to be aware of is this freaky female trait and to avoid getting caught up in her exaggerated enthusiasm for your passions. Already dealing with the situation? Investigate what the loss of her interest in your interest has left in its wake. Is she still passionate about you and more comfortable with being herself and expressing all her likes and dislikes? Or has the girl transformed into a she-devil now that she thinks you’re in her talons permanently? Different passions make a relationship interesting, but a girl who begins to resent your interests is just annoying and should be tossed to the curb so she can begin her transformation into another unfortunate guy’s ideal. There’s a bright side to all this: Now you have all the time in the world to concentrate on your fantasy baseball league!

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Today’s Fly Question:
Is anybody guilty (guy or girl) of faking an interest just to get with someone? If so, tell me what happened.

I can still hear my mother and grandmother singing that song back in the day when church services seemed to last ALL DAY. The song—which I’m sure is still being sang somewhere—speaks to the beauty of silence in the midst of chaos, and how it allows you the opportunity to hear God’s voice. It’s really powerful stuff when you sit and think about it.

Unfortunately, the power of that message doesn’t always translate when you’re dealing with a relationship. There are times when silence can be the worst possible option for a man, because it allows his woman the space to interpret what he’s thinking. And trust me, that’s not necessarily a good thing.

You could be sitting there in the middle of an argument silently waiting to hear from God, and she could just be thinking that you don’t care and have given up on the relationship. In that moment, do you really think that you can look at her and say, “Naw baby, I’m just sitting here waiting to hear from God … I’ll talk as soon as I hear from him.” …. I didn’t think so.

So today, we’re going to discuss the best approach for men in situations where silence is a bad move. To assist in this exercise, I’ve decided to share an excerpt from Men’s Health on this very subject. Check it out.

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During an Argument

Why you’re quiet: You’re trying not to provoke her, which could cause even more anger and conflict.

What she thinks: “She’ll feel you don’t respect her opinion, which is worse than not caring,” says Scott Haltzman, M.D., author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men.

The fix: Say, “I care about this relationship and don’t want to say something stupid I’ll regret. Can we talk about it in half an hour?” By setting a time to revisit the discussion, she’ll know you’re not just trying to escape.

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Relaxing After Sex

Why you’re quiet: “For men, talk isn’t as significant as action is,” says Deborah Tannen, Ph.D., author of You Just Don’t Understand.

What she thinks: Your mind is wandering—or you fell asleep. “This is the time she wants to feel close and know that you feel the same,” Tannen says. “Talk is the way she expects you to show it.”

The fix: Rather than offering an offhand platitude, mention something specific you love about her. Better yet, talk about a mind-blowing moment to let her know it was worth remembering.

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When She’s Upset About Work

Why you’re quiet: “Men want to be able to fix things,” says Tannen. “When they don’t know how, they shut down.”

What she thinks: You’re uninterested in her life and would rather wait until she stops talking about it.

The fix: Don’t offer solutions, says Tannen. She knows you don’t have a quick fix, and she’s not looking for one. “Show that you’re listening,” Tannen says, like expressing shock at her boss’s actions or empathizing with a problem.

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When She Asks How She Looks

Why you’re quiet: You’re afraid of saying the wrong thing, so you keep the praise short and generic.

What she thinks: You’re not into her—at all. “When women ask this, men take it literally,” says Dr. Haltzman. “But women are also asking at an emotional level, meaning, ‘What do you think of me?’”

The fix: Quick: What do you like best about her body? Tell her how the clothing shows off that beloved feature. Dr. Haltzman says it’s not necessarily the compliment that matters; speed and sincerity are what she’s looking for.

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Meeting Her Friends

Why you’re quiet: You feel shy or awkward, because you don’t know them and wonder what they’ve heard about you.

What she thinks: You’re being inconsiderate and maybe even hostile toward her friends. A 2007 article in the journal Sex Roles found that men who speak up are considered more likable and competent.

The fix: Ahead of time, ask her for a story about her friends that’ll be fun to bring up when you meet them. “You’ll share in the moment,” Dr. Haltzman says, “and you’ll show that the two of you talk about the group in a positive way.

(Source-Men’s Health)

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The Fly Conclusion: To the men; I hope that this article has shed light on the basic idea that movie theaters have been lying to you for years … silence is not golden … especially when you’re involved in a committed relationship.

The floor is now officially open for you to agree, disagree, or to just tell me how your day is going in general. Let’s talk.

How could I call myself a true advocate of love if I didn’t pay tribute to those who thrive in the art of romantic expression? Yes, it’s time for another installment of Love Quotables, my ode to the true romantics of the world. I hope you enjoy their words as much as I do.

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“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” ~Robert Heinlein

“To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven.” ~Karen Sunde

“When love speaks, the voice of all the gods make heaven drowsy with the harmony.” ~William Shakespeare

“To love someone is to see a miracle invisible to others.” ~Francois Mauriac

“I grew up the moment I said I love you. In that moment, I understood that only a real man could love you properly.” ~The Fly Guy

“A life without love is like a year without summer.” ~Swedish Proverb

“Love is like a rumor; everyone talks about it, but no one truly knows it.” ~Anonymous

“First loves have it easy as there’s no baggage. I have far more respect for those able to make someone fall in love again.” ~The Fly Guy

“From success you get a lot of things, but not that great inside thing that love brings you.” ~Sam Goldwyn

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The Fly Request: Did you have a favorite love quotable today? If so, let me know which one, and why. If none of my selections resonated with you, then bring a new one to the table. Share with me your favorite expressions of love.

I can’t help but be amused by an article I just read on CNN. Not because the information found in it is funny … no, that’s not it. Instead, my laughs come as a result of me predicting the response the piece will get from you. In it, the writer, Dr. Louann Brizendine, discusses the makeup of a man’s brain, and why we (men) can’t help doing the things that we do … like staring at breasts and butts. Gotta love the professional opinion of a doctor.

Read, comment, share, and then let’s talk about it.

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Fly Feature written by Louann Brizendine

Although women the world over have been doing it for centuries, we can’t really blame a guy for being a guy. And this is especially true now that we know that the male and female brains have some profound differences.

Our brains are mostly alike. We are the same species, after all. But the differences can sometimes make it seem like we are worlds apart.

The “defend your turf” area — dorsal premammillary nucleus — is larger in the male brain and contains special circuits to detect territorial challenges by other males. And his amygdala, the alarm system for threats, fear and danger is also larger in men. These brain differences make men more alert than women to potential turf threats.

Meanwhile, the “I feel what you feel” part of the brain — mirror-neuron system — is larger and more active in the female brain. So women can naturally get in sync with others’ emotions by reading facial expressions, interpreting tone of voice and other nonverbal emotional cues.

Perhaps the biggest difference between the male and female brain is that men have a sexual pursuit area that is 2.5 times larger than the one in the female brain. Not only that, but beginning in their teens, they produce 200 to 250 percent more testosterone than they did during pre-adolescence.

If testosterone were beer, a 9-year-old boy would be getting the equivalent of a cup a day. But a 15-year-old would be getting the equivalent of nearly two gallons a day. This fuels their sexual engines and makes it impossible for them to stop thinking about female body parts and sex.

And so begins the ‘Man Trance’

All that testosterone drives the “Man Trance”– that glazed-eye look a man gets when he sees breasts. As a woman who was among the ranks of the early feminists, I wish I could say that men can stop themselves from entering this trance. But the truth is, they can’t. Their visual brain circuits are always on the lookout for fertile mates. Whether or not they intend to pursue a visual enticement, they have to check out the goods.

To a man, this is the most natural response in the world, so he’s dismayed by how betrayed his wife or girlfriend feels when she sees him eyeing another woman. Men look at attractive women the way we look at pretty butterflies. They catch the male brain’s attention for a second, but then they flit out of his mind. Five minutes later, while we’re still fuming, he’s deciding whether he wants ribs or chicken for dinner. He asks us, “What’s wrong?” We say, “Nothing.” He shrugs and turns on the TV. We smolder and fear that he’ll leave us for another woman.

Not surprisingly, the different objectives that men and women have in mating games put us on opposing teams — at least at first. The female brain is driven to seek security and reliability in a potential mate before she has sex. But a male brain is fueled to mate and mate again. Until, that is, he mates for life.

Despite stereotypes to the contrary, the male brain can fall in love just as hard and fast as the female brain, and maybe more so. When he meets and sets his sights on capturing “the one,” mating with her becomes his prime directive. And when he succeeds, his brain makes an indelible imprint of her. Lust and love collide and he’s hooked.

The ‘Doting Daddy Brain’

A man in hot pursuit of a mate doesn’t even remotely resemble a devoted, doting daddy. But that’s what his future holds. When his mate becomes pregnant, she’ll emit pheromones that will waft into his nostrils, stimulating his brain to make more of a hormone called prolactin. Her pheromones will also cause his testosterone production to drop by 30 percent.

These hormonal changes make him more likely to help with the baby. They also change his perceptual circuitry, increasing his ability to hear a baby cry, something many men can’t do very well before their wives are pregnant.

And a word to the wise for all the young mothers who are reluctant to let your husbands hold and care for your newborn. The more hands-on care a father gives his infant, the more his brain aligns with the role of fatherhood. So, hand over the baby.

His emotions run deep

Although men have earned the reputation for being more stoic than women, they actually have stronger emotional reactions than we do. They just don’t show it very often.

Studies of men’s faces show that the male brain’s initial emotional reaction can be stronger than the female brain’s. But within 2.5 seconds, he changes his face to hide the emotion, or even reverse it. The repeated practice of hiding his emotions gives men the classic poker face.

It’s his poker face and his analytical response to personal problems that can put him in the doghouse. She’s crying as she talks about what’s wrong with the relationship, and instead of hugging her, his mind is racing to find a way to resolve the problem as soon as possible. With practice and because of the way their brains are wired, men use their analytical brain structures, not their emotional ones, to find a solution.

They enjoy this advantage, but women often take affront to it. When you’re telling your husband your problem and he tries to solve it instead of hearing you out, you may think he’s being insensitive. But that’s not what’s going on in his brain. He’s working to solve the problem so he can relieve your pain as quickly as possible. Not because he doesn’t care or doesn’t want to listen, but because he loves you.

‘Lovable Grandpas’ and ‘Grumpy Old Men’

As men age, the male brain hormones change and the male brain and body goes into the stage of life called andropause. The king of male hormones — testosterone — goes down and the queen of female hormones — estrogen — goes up. Whether Grandpa is your kids’ hero or the grouch they hate to visit depends a lot on how he handles these hormonal changes. For example, if his testosterone levels drop to an abnormally low level, he can feel tired, irritable and even depressed. Some men in this condition seek hormone replacement therapy and others find relief in exercise, more frequent sex, and spending more time with other people.

The grandpa that kids can’t wait to see is the one who’s feeling the effects of the hormone oxytocin, often called the “cuddle hormone.” He’s fun and playful and likes to hear what his grandchildren have to say. He’s much more patient with your children than he was with you, when you were growing up. The love circuits of the mature male brain can be hijacked by his grandkids, even more than they were by his own children.

The ‘Lonely Hearts Club’

Not only is the mature male brain more receptive to closer bonds, but it’s also more sensitive to loneliness. Nobody thrives when they’re lonely, but it seems to take a major toll on older men. Sixty percent of divorces in couples over the age of 50 are initiated by women, leaving their husbands shell-shocked and devastated.

Once his wife leaves, unless he makes a point of socializing more with other people, his brain stops getting the social workout it needs to make him feel good about himself. If he becomes a loner, his social-approval circuits don’t get activated. In brain scan studies of older males researchers have found that the brain’s pleasure and reward areas, the VTA and the NAc, remain more active in men who are social. So don’t begrudge the divorcee or the new widower some socializing and seeking female companionship.

The bottom line

The human brain is the best learning machine on the planet and human beings are capable of making major changes in our lives. But there are some things that the male brain and female brain are not likely to change anytime soon. And it makes more sense to deal with these brain realities, than to argue with them or ignoring them.

The best advice I have for women is make peace with the male brain. Let men be men.

The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Louann Brizendine.

Once upon a time, I professed a zero tolerance when it came to a man hitting a woman. It didn’t matter how much she poked, prodded or provoked him to do so, I always felt like a man had a way to take control of the situation without striking the woman.

But then I saw this video.

In it, a man suffers from Tourette’s Syndrome and it causes him to hit his wife. Which begs the question: does his condition make it excusable for him to hit her? Or is this a carefully disguised way to act out his frustration on her without suffering punishment. Watch the video, and then decide for yourself.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to have my own episode of Tourette’s near this dude that owes me money…

It’s time for us as members of the male brotherhood to understand a very basic dating principle: Women are judging our every move. Don’t believe me? Just think back to a time when your significant other brought up an incident (whether good or bad) that took place in the early phases of your relationship. She probably said something like “I knew you were a good guy when this happened,” … on the flip side, she may have said, “I should have known you were no good when I saw you do this…”

Is it coming back to you now?

I thought so. It’s with this fundamental understanding in mind that Men’s Health sought to compile a comprehensive list of 10 very specific ways that women judge men. As always, read, comment and share after reading.

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Fly Feature

Below are 10 ways – in rough chronological order – a woman judges your fitness to be her proverbial daddy.

1. Did He Dress Well for the Date?

“She’s watching to see if you put some energy into your dress and grooming,” says Aline Zoldbrod, Ph.D., a psychologist and sex therapist in Boston. “If you don’t take the trouble to dress well for her now, she could see it as disrespectful.”

2. Is He Depressed?

Does he stare at my breasts? Does he have any sense of humor? If you’re a total loser, it pays for her to ascertain that on the first date, says Zoldbrod.

3. Is He Like My Ex?

Yes, we always pay for the last guy’s sins. “What women want is often based on their past negative or positive experiences,” says Carol Kauffman, Ph.D., a relationship therapist and psychology instructor at Harvard medical school. So when she talks about past boyfriends, heed well.

4. Is He Bitter About Past Relationships?

She needs full use of your closets. There’s no room for baggage.

5. Can He Talk About Himself and Listen to Me?

She’ll carry 80 percent of the conversation load. Just make sure your 20 percent is about something.

6. Is He Generous?

Women somehow see a correlation between leaving a 10 percent tip and having a propensity to drown kittens.

7. Does He Make Me Feel Understood and Appreciated?

If you can’t succinctly state her values, her politics, and her ambitions, you’re probably failing here. Ask more questions. Listen to the answers this time.

8. Is He Open to a Relationship but Not Needy?

Ace the other nine criteria here and your odds of appearing needy will edge toward nil.

9. Does He Keep Promises?

If you’re not reliable, you’re not viable, especially not for the ultimate goal of all this. . . .

10. Does He Have the Potential to be a Good Father?

“For long-term potential, she considers whether you have the values she wants in a man,” says Jean Koehler, Ph.D., president of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. If she can’t see tykes on your knee, she’s wasting her time. How you interact with your own family can be a strong indicator here.

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The Fly Conclusion: So is there any validity to the listed ways that women judge men? Is this really how women gauge our fitness to be potential mates? Let’s talk about it.

I ran across an interesting feature today which breaks down an all-too powerful tool in the increasingly technology-driven world of love and relationships. Ever heard of flirtexting or sexting? Well even if you haven’t, I’m sure that you’ve engaged in it at some point during your relationship lifetime. So check the guest feature and video below and share your perspective on the phenomenon. Do you agree or disagree with the perspective of the authors? Be sure to share your thoughts.

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Today’s Fly Feature

Did you know that what and when you text back will determine where your relationship will go? The book “Flirtexting” artfully navigates the acts of flirting and dating in tech-savvy times. This how-to handbook will coach you on the subtle art of sending short and sweet texts, with slight innuendos, to have your crush cruising for more. In this excerpt, authors Debra Goldstein and Olivia Baniuszewicz write about why sexting while in a relationship can make you fall in love all over again.

If you are reading this chapter it means that you have successfully passed through the early stages of flirtexting and into a fabulous committed relationship. A congrats is in order! Now, just because you have entered into the land of “we” does not mean that you can call up your cell phone provider and cancel your unlimited texting plan. Flirtexting is still fantastically important in an existing relationship — only now you’re able to take it one step further.

In a relationship, the fact that you both care deeply about each other is out in the open and felt equally by both parties. This commitment allows you the luxury to relax a bit more when sending texts.

You don’t have to spend as much time on your BPTs (best possible texts) and you can go ahead and throw texting timelines out the window! Whew. Flirtexting in a relationship opens the door for you to explore the other, shall we say, more risqué things you can do with text. With that, feel free to text things that only prove how into him you are by going beyond the flirtext.

Sexting
“I like texting because you can turn a girl on via text while you are on your way to her house, telling her just how you want her upon your arrival.” — Evan

When you’ve been with the same person for a while, what better way to spice up your relationship than with a fiery flirtext? One that will arouse more than just his senses (wink, wink). Yes that’s right. We’re talking about the sext-text, or sexting, and it’s a long-term dating DO! It’s sex over text, and it’s HOT!

Sexting: Descriptive sexual conversations through text with the intention of arousing the person on the receiving end.

When the mood strikes, you can reveal fantasies and sexy thoughts to him while he is out of town, at work, or even across the dinner table. There’s always time for a fantasy text!

Examples:

• While the two of you are at dinner with friends, text him that if he casually uses the word “wet” (or any funny/sexual word) in conversation at least six times before dessert comes, then you’ll do that thing he loves later.
• When you’re at dinner and he gets up to use the restroom, text him “did I mention I’m not wearing any underwear?” (even if you are). He’ll be asking for the check before you order your main course.
• If he’s on a business trip and you miss him, text “I’m all alone in this big bed of mine. What should I do?” Believe me, he’ll gladly take it from there!
• If your man plays sports and you are at this game, text “Score now and I’ll let you score with me later ;)” or “Win or lose, you’re scoring with me tonight ;).” If he checks his phone during halftime, watch as he runs faster, hits harder, and throws further during the second half. If he doesn’t get the message till after, he’ll still appreciate the flattering gesture, win or lose.

• If he asks you “Want to go to a baseball game?” respond with “Sure, but only if we can go to third base ;” OR if he says, “Basketball game tonight?” you say “Are you insinuating foul play? Love to.”

Long-distance relationships
Sexting is especially beneficial in long-distance relationships. The need for sexting heightens when you’re not around one another. It’s an excellent way to remain close, especially if there’s a time difference. If you are getting ready for bed on the East Coast and he is finishing up a meeting on the West Coast, he is still able to connect with you in your time of need. Sure, it’s not the real deal, but hey, it beats nothing at all! (Um, did we mention this is a great form of safe sex?) Texting helps make long distance more bearable by having the ability to be in constant contact.

Virgin to sexting?
Not to worry. It doesn’t hurt. Talk about that thing he did to you last night that you loved. Text what you want to do to him when you see him next or what you are dying for him to do to you. Talk about how your salad came with a really big cucumber and you thought of him. Be bold, be blunt, and be bad. Be a little selfish when you dirty text and say things that will turn you on in the meantime. Chances are if it turns you on, it’ll turn him on twice over.

Shy by nature
This is a great way for those of you on the shyer side to let your man know what you like sexually. If you are too embarrassed to tell him in person, use text and the casual and safe environment that it provides to tell him your fantasies. You’ll be surprised how much you will benefit from being open about your likes and dislikes through sexting.

Not into sexting?
Flirtexting with your man doesn’t always have to be dirty. Texts like suggesting pizza and football for a Monday night date or randomly sending “I love you” go a long way too. Long-term relationships can get mundane so you’ve constantly got to be doing little things to keep the sparks alive and the butterflies flying! Sending a random, thoughtful flirtext is a great way to show him how much you care.

Randomly text, “I love you” or “I’m crazy about you.” It’s simple, it’s quick, and it will make him smile.

Send a recent sports fact about his favorite player like, “Ole Chipper just hit his 400th home run last night, eh?”

If he’s having a rough day at the office, suggest a date night including his favorite things and tell him about it to get him through the five o’ clock whistle. “Agenda for the evening: you, me, your favorite Philly cheesesteak, a Heineken, and the Red Sox–Yankee Game. See you at 6.”

With technology these days, the sexting possibilities are endless. Imagine what you can do if your cell phone had a camera on it. Oh, but wait … it does.

Photo text
Ah, the infamous photo text. Now that most cell phones have cameras in them, sexting has been taken to a whole new level. All those scandalous things you’re texting your man can now include illustrations and pictures. WOW! The only thing better than sexting is a sex text that includes a classy, yet sexy photo starring yours truly!

Men happen to be visual creatures. Therefore, we understand the enthusiasm that guys are overcome with when it comes to the camera phone. We’re keen on taking a little off for his entertainment pleasure, but he’s going to have to be involved to see the real deal.

Whenever you are taking a racy photo text of yourself, proceed with caution. Never include your face in the photo. Even though you are in love now, what happens if something goes terribly wrong and you have a nasty breakup later? You guessed it! Hello Facebook photo tagged of you and your large breasts! May we remind you that you’re also friends with your boss? Proceed with caution.

Here are a few classy ways of using the photo text to spice up an existing relationship:

• Take a picture of you sticking your head out of the shower, showing some sexy shoulder or your smooth leg, and write “can you get me a towel?” or “bath time would be soo much more fun with you ….”
• Take a picture of your bed — or better yet, you in it — and write “room for two” or “Can you meet me here later?”
• If you bought some new lingerie and are planning on wearing it that night, take a picture of the lingerie still in the Victoria’s Secret bag and write “I bought you a present … if you’re a good boy, I’ll give it to you later.” He’ll be so excited he’s sure to be on his best behavior.
• If he tells you to take a photo of yourself and you don’t want to, take a picture of your shoulder and write, “guess what part of my sweet body this is from?”
• Send a snapshot of your lips, with a message that reads “they miss you.”
• If he’s begging for you to take a sexy picture of yourself to send him, take a picture of your friend’s cleavage and write, “Not mine, but I’m still thinking of you ;)”
• If you’re on a beach vacay and missing your man, snap a pic of you in your hot bikini and write, “wish you were here” in the sand.

Warning about using the photo text
If you are NOT in a serious relationship with a guy and you text him dirty photos of yourself, he will forward them to his friends. We can’t stress enough how you must proceed with caution when sending racy photos of yourself. So be smart, ladies, and trust us on this one.

Boys can be pigs sometimes. The last thing they are thinking about when they receive a hot photo of a new girl they are dating are her feelings. We’ve seen too many of our girlfriends get hurt because they sent nude pictures of themselves to guys they were “just dating” to find out they’ve become the screensaver on his friends’ phones. This is why we only advocate sending these kinds of texts when you are in a committed relationship. Otherwise, expect what you send to him to be forwarded to his entire soccer team.

Guys can lose their heads, and their phones sometimes, and we don’t want to see your boobs on the Internet.

Excerpted from “Flirtexting” by Debra Goldstein and Olivia Baniuszewicz. Copyright (c) 2010.

Featured Video

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

The following is a piece of much-needed ammunition for the fellas. Tired of getting sucked into tough conversations with your significant other? Well no worries, as we’ve enlisted a female spy to provide tips on how to spot and avoid those serious conversations. Take note, and make sure you pass it on to your fellow man.

As for you ladies, feel free to comment at the conclusion of the article. If it’s totally off base, then make it known. But in the event that it’s spot on, then acknowledge that we’re on to you.

Enjoy.

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Written By: Sarah Miller

We women enjoy talking—and after a lifetime of dating, you should have the flattened cilia in your ears to prove it. Once things turn serious though, you’re going to have serious conversations. The good news: You don’t have to get pulled into drawn-out discourse or end up arguing or revisiting the same exchange you thought you’d sorted out last week. Mastery is within your reach. Here are the top six questions every woman is hardwired to ask, and when she’s likely to ask them.

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“Why don’t we talk anymore?”

Be on the lookout: If there are extended, unexplained silences on her part. It may be her passive-aggressive way of saying, “I’m sick of filling these conversational holes.”

Why is this happening to me? If you don’t erupt hourly with an Old Faithful-like gusher of steaming words and opinions, she’ll imagine that the hot, subterranean stratum of your relationship has cooled.

The response: You will be tempted to refer to your stellar contribution to all the conversations above. You will think about saying, “What do you want to talk about?” Don’t. Applying male logic to female emotion is about as smart as throwing gas on a fire.

“We don’t talk anymore” is unsubtle code for “I’m starting to think you’re a bore, and I wish you’d change my mind.” So start. Ask more questions. Give longer answers. Read a book and tell her about it. You’re undoubtedly fascinating, but you have to market yourself, every day, to ensure she keeps buying.

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“Are you thinking long-term?”

(May also be stated as “Are we getting married or what, you giant a-hole?”)

Be on the lookout: If a) you’re dating a girl who is definitely the marrying kind; b) more than 2 years have passed; or c) she’s over 30.

Why is this happening to me? Because your girlfriend is annoyed at herself for having potentially wasted years of her life.

The response: She wants to know when she’s getting her damn engagement ring and, in the absence of a satisfactory answer, when you’re coming to get your stuff. Spare her your feelings on this one. If the answer isn’t weighed in carats, she’s not interested.

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“Should we move in together?”

Be on the lookout: If she’s been saying things like “God, I am so sick of walking around with my underwear in my bag.”

Why is this happening to me? In an ideal world, after too many nights of “my place or yours?” both of you would blurt out, at the very same time, “Let’s live together!” This not being an ideal world, and women being more inclined to demand momentum, it’s often her suggestion.

The responses: If you’ve been thinking the same thing, call the movers, and good luck to you. If not, tell her everything you imagine you’d enjoy about living together: waking up to her, seeing her even if you didn’t have specific plans.

This creates a favorable environment for expressing your reservations, about which you should be specific. Tell her you’ve always lived with roommates, and you want some time to live alone. Bring up pursuits—writing, meditation, compulsive masturbation (maybe not)—that require a degree of independence, but make sure you’re already involved in them. “I can’t live with you because I have to start my screenplay” is weak.

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“Tell me about your family.”

Be on the lookout: When you’ve been together long enough—3 months—that she expects a steady stream of emotional sharing. You know: Ideas. Feelings.

Why is this happening to me? She’d like to find you fascinating, maybe even deep; but she needs a good backstory to confirm this.

The response: Start with some family photos. Then, at family gatherings, share sensitive “observations” with her to show that you’re emotionally in touch with your family: “My father seems a little lost now that he’s retired.”

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“Tell me about your exes.”

Be on the lookout: When she begins relating lengthy anecdotes about her exes. She’s trying to create an atmosphere of mutual sharing, which you, my sadly pussy-whipped friend, are about to fall for.

Why is this happening to me? Because your girlfriend is obsessed. Not with your exes, or even with you, but with herself. She’s not interested in your past relationships per se; she’s interested in what they say about her.

The response: Emphasize that your sizable, but not overly indulgent, love and erotic experience has been in the company of beautiful, talented, smart women. She’ll do the logic: He’s dated women who were beautiful, talented, and smart. Therefore, I am beautiful and talented and smart!

When discussing “how things ended” in the past, present yourself as the man who has never found the right woman to love and understand him, but also the man who has never found a woman quite worthy of his best behavior. It’s all spin.

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“Where is this going?”

Be on the lookout: After you’ve had sex but before you’ve agreed not to see other people.

Why is this happening to me? Because the Man Who Is Really Interested and the Man Who Is Really Not Interested have a strange ability to behave identically. We need to know: Do you have the potential to fall in love with us?

The responses: If this is going somewhere: A slight prevarication—”I’m glad we’re talking about this, because I want you to know I am really interested in you”—should work. She needs to hear that you like her specifically, not just that you like having a little company when you’re eating and having orgasms.

If this is going nowhere: Quickly introduce that small part of her who hopes your apathy is actually masking depths of passion to the larger part of her who knows that is bullsh–.

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Fly Conclusion: Ok people. Now that it’s been put out there, let’s talk about it? Is it credible advice?

(Source)

Time to take things up a notch with the following feature by writer Terry Shropshire(@royaletee). Apparently, Terry got tired of the double standard that he witnesses on a daily basis as it pertains to interracial dating among black people. I mean let’s be honest; if I posted pictures of me with a new white girlfriend, I’m sure that I’d probably lose some of my black female readers. (not that I would base my dating life on someone else’s feelings, but the fact still remains.)

By contrast, the same response isn’t felt when a black woman dates a white man. She usually hears responses like “that’s right girl!!! … I think I’m gonna do the same thing!!”

But before I delve into this topic anymore, and end up writing the piece myself, let me turn things over to Terry. Read, comment, share.

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Written By: Terry Shropshire

It’s a sight I’ve seen time and time again. A group of black women are sitting at a table in a restaurant, a mall or a hotel. An attractive brother strides by confidently with a white woman and suddenly the temperature drops about 25 degrees.

The sistas’ conversation halt in mid-sentence. They crane their heads in his direction and eye him like a pride of lions sizing up prey. Actually, the women seem to stop breathing altogether. All their energies are channeled into trying to drill large holes into the side of his skull with their hot, hostile glares. The black man, acutely aware that the women are cursing the very air that he breathes, steals sidelong glances at the women but doesn’t dare make direct eye contact.

Black men who date white women are accused of everything short of violating the Patriot Act. They are denounced as Uncle Toms and race-traitors and have to endure social crucifixions. Case in point: when a tabloid recklessly purported that the pro-black actor/author Hill Harper was dating a white woman recently, sisters nationwide were ready to storm Hollywood with pitchforks and torches and hunt Harper like an animal. So startled was Harper that he hastily fumbled out this tweet to his fans:

“4 U guys that asked- I didn’t see TMZ, so don’t know what was said. But Nicole and I are ONLY FRIENDS!! She’s a sweetheart- But just friends!”

Yet, there seems to be much less of an uproar when prominent black women date and marry white men. In fact, in many cases, barely a syllable is uttered. Check out the list and see if you are surprised at the number and the quality of sistahs who’ve crossed the racial isle. Keep in mind that this is just a partial list.

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Actress Kerry Washington and her husband David Moscow

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Halle Berry and her baby’s daddy Gabriel Aubry

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Former Destiny’s Child member Kelly Rowland and boyfriend

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Actress Paula Patton and husband, singer Robin Thicke

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Susan Rice, President Barack Obama’s Ambassador to the United Nations, and husband.

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Venerated actor Robert DeNiro and his wife

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Houston-based rapper Paul Wall and his wife

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Rapper Eve and her boyfriend

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“Avatar” and “Star Treck” star Zoe Saldana, right, and date

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Garcelle Beauvais and her family

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“Girlfriends” actress Golden Brooks and boyfriend

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Kim Wayans of the famous Wayans family and her boyfriend

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Legendary former supermodel Iman and iconic rocker David Bowie

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Former “Girlfriends” star Keesha Sharp and her husband

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Legendary soul singer Tina Turner

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Renowned movie critic Roger Ebert and wife

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“American Idol” season 1 contestant Tamyra Gray and husband

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Fly Conclusion: So is there really a double standard? Do black men have a valid argument in the way that they are treated vs. the way black women are treated when it comes to interracial dating? Let’s hear it.

I’ve always done my best to support dope writers, and this moment is no different. Our featured writer for today has crafted a very honest response to Hollywood’s role in the stunted growth of positive, healthy relationships. Enjoy her words, and when you’re done, make sure you support the writer.
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Written by: Heather G

Society has played a huge role in our lives since the moment we were born. I can remember watching the videos back in the 80’s and admiring the gorgeous women strutting their long legs and mini skirts across the screen; so much so that I decided to pursue modeling myself. But has media ruined our perception of love and the value of a relationship… the sanctity of marriage? We have powerhouses like P. Diddy promoting sex, lust, and Ciroc, but what would happen if Diddy put the bottle down and campaigned for healthy relationships and marriage before babies? Imagine that, “P. Diddy for Partnerships and Parenting!” I know it may sound lame, but let’s face it; Diddy could sell water to a well so surely people would listen. I know some of you are thinking, “He didn’t follow that protocol himself,” but has it occurred that we could learn from his mistakes? I know what it is though… Ciroc pays and reality does not! What a shame! But MY point is this: Just because Usher ‘Reinvented Sex’ and Justin Timberlake ‘Brought Sexy Back,” it does NOT mean that this is a true vision of how life works. We are so caught up on portraying what we see on television and looking for the “perfect man or woman” (based on that perception) that we may pass up the things that truly matter like loyalty and trust. We say we want a loyal and trusting partner, but when we set out to date, we gravitate towards the total opposite of what we feel we may need. Why is that? Think about it; would it be wise to date a Terrell Owens if you needed stability? Would it be smart to date a Lil Wayne if he is blatantly telling you he wants to “F*ck every girl in the World?” Uhh, the answer is obviously N-O!

Sometimes I wish we could go back to the old school. I wish that we had more wholesome families in the forefront like our First Family, The Obamas. I wish more people took a chance on potential. I wish swag didn’t make the man, and I certainly wish that finances didn’t take precedence. But reality is, in this day and time, these things matter! This is when reasoning comes into play because finances and status should not be the ONLY criteria. Know what you want. With maturity, comes experience and with that experience comes the things you want and need. Can your potential partner fill that position? If they can’t, can they learn to? Who is going to have your back if the chips fall down?
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Did you agree with Heather G’s perspective? Or did you think she was totally off base? Share your opinion below.

Oh, and while you’re at it, make sure you visit her website by clicking here.