In yesterday’s column, we discussed the lofty ideals of love in the piece “This Is What She Wants.” Judging by your comments, I could tell that many of you felt my friend’s desires for love were overly optimistic … too perfect. Some even said that it reminded them of being 15, or experiencing puppy love.

Whether I agree or disagree with your position doesn’t matter at this point, as our discussion has taken me to an entirely new place which has inspired today’s column. For the past 24 hours, my mind has been occasionally drifting back to the first time I ever fell in love and how it made me feel.

Now I’m not talking about when I was in kindergarten and pledged my life to the most well developed five year old in the history of mankind, Cookie Johnson. (Yes, her name was really Cookie.) And I’m certainly not talking about my 7th grade year when I literally felt like I was in love with the entire clarinet section of our middle school band. That’s not it either. Instead, what I’m referring to is the kind of adult love that knocks you off your feet and makes you want to do crazy stuff like live right and have a perfect credit score.

Here’s the story of my first love…

I was a freshman in college at Emory University in Atlanta… Her name was Summer. It was the second week of school, and I decided to enroll in a swimming class just to get one of my core classes out of the way, and get an easy A in my first semester of school. On the first day of class, I remember stepping out of the pool and catching a glimpse of the most beautiful woman I had ever seen running on the track above. I swear it was the only time in my life that I had ever seen someone run in slow motion. So I just stood there in awe.

Eventually I would begin to breathe again, and we would officially meet two days later. Even though I could tell there was a mutual attraction, she was still older than me so she tried to play that “he’s like a little brother to me” role. I wasn’t having it though, and was determined to transform those strong, raw emotions that I couldn’t seem to shake into something more meaningful. Well it took a while (as in over a year) but eventually those sparks would flame up into a fire that would cast a shining glow over the entire campus for the next two years. She was my soul’s counterpoint. My best friend. My earth angel.

At the time, I thought she was my soul mate, and that love could get no better. That’s what I remember … that was my first love.

So how did it end? Well that part doesn’t matter, as today we’re only focusing on the positive side of that first love. Which brings me to a personal favor that I’d like to ask each of you…

The Fly Guy Request: Share with us the memories of your first true love. Explain why you were so sure that it was love. Don’t hold anything back. And remember, I don’t want to hear how it ended …simply how it began, and how you knew.

We’ve all read the reports which reveal that finances are one of the major contributors to today’s high divorce rate. And while most people think this merely means that the two people were constantly bickering because they were broke, that’s not always the case…

(Well it actually was the case with my Aunt Lisa and her husband Lonnie. Between her gambling habit at the weekly church bingo game, and his child support payments from the 8 kids that somehow all conspired to produce faulty positive DNA tests, they were flat broke; and hated each other because of it.)

Outside of my dysfunctional relatives, there are many whose relationships are strained or even torn apart, not by a lack of money, but by the financial lies they tell. With that in mind, I’d like you to answer the following question, regardless of your current marital status.

If a married person did each of the following, would you consider it to be—a violation of trust so serious that it is grounds for divorce, a major violation of trust between spouses but not grounds for divorce, or a minor violation of trust?

A. Lied to a spouse about how much was spent on a major purchase
B. Made a major purchase for himself or herself and hid it from their spouse
C. Had a bank account that was kept secret from the spouse
D. Had a credit card that was kept secret from the spouse
E. Failed to pay bills on time and didn’t tell their spouse about it
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By Rich Santos

Here are the rest of the reasons guys will disappear, continued from the previous post:

4. He Thinks You’re Too Serious…Which Means You Probably Are
It’s imperative that, as a relationship grows, that the feeling is mutual. Every serious relationship comes to that point where we look at ourselves, our lives, and consider taking that next step into exclusivity and beyond. If he’s not ready to do it then it’s not going to work, and he might literally be frightened off if he perceives that you’re too serious. And, you may say: “I am not serious at all about this, I don’t intend to be serious.” When I think of this, I’m reminded of the HR Sexual Harassment online class I took for work. “Even if he didn’t intend for it to be offensive, if someone is offended, then it’s sexual harassment”. So, while you may not intend to come off as “serious”, what he perceives will be fact to him. And, if you’re “too serious” for him, then you’re better off without him: it wasn’t clicking at the right time.

5. His Damned Sidekick
Guys love to have partners in crime. As long as his best buddy is still going out and getting wasted and hitting on girls, it will be very difficult for him to give this life up. In fact, they will feed off each other until finally they grow up enough to date. It’s no surprise that you will find that a lot of guys that start out as packs dissipate pretty quickly once they start dating. The crazy life gets a little old, and—hey—his buddies aren’t around as much to feed off of.

6. He’s Into One of Your Friends
People are not inclined to use other people. However, if a guy that you like happens to like one of your friends, naturally he’s going to try to get to be around her by spending time with you. This can be very misleading for you, but usually it works itself out pretty quickly. I happen to hang out with a lot of attractive males who are a lot tamer than me when first meeting girls, so it happens to me a lot. But, when in doubt, good friends always should trump possible romantic targets. Keep your friendships strong and live to fight another day.

At the end of all this, it boils down to the importance of timing. If attraction is a flammable agent, then timing is a spark that can really set it ablaze. And when you think of it this way, you can see how difficult it is for things to work out.

So, I need to find someone I’m attracted to, and then the timing needs to be right between two converging lives. And, of course, the person who wasn’t ready sometimes becomes ready later and sometimes later is too late.

My advice to you is: if you find that a once responsive guy is not responding, he most likely is doing so for one of the above reasons. It is usually fruitless to push and push and try to figure stuff out. And, anyway, if you move on with your life and find a guy who is ready for you—then you may turn out to be the one that got away for that first guy…or maybe even his new “white whale”.

Do you have a lot of experiences where a guy just disappeared after things seemed to be going well? Any other reasons you can think of that might make a guy disappear—I’m sure some of you have heard or been through some bizarre ones when they explain?

[source]

By Rich Santos

How annoying is it when someone you thought was into you suddenly disappears off the face of the earth? Even more annoying is the fact that nine times out of ten, we are not given a reason for the sudden change in behavior. I’ve listed every reason I have seen in my own life for why a guy might inexplicably stop responding:

1. He’s Chasing Someone Else(The White Whale Theory)
If you’ve just met him, who knows who else is in his life? I have definitely let a lot of girls go by while I’ve been fixated on “the ultimate girl”. It’s a fact: guys enjoy the chase. Some guys even enjoy just the chase. So that uninterested or elusive girl that he’s chasing becomes his “white whale”. If you have gone out with him a few times and things just don’t seem right, he may be chasing a girl or two on the side—and if he ever catches her that will really complicate matters.

2. He’s Very Focused…on everything but love
The years beyond college get very complicated. Suddenly responsibility falls into your lap. You’re paying rent, paying for fun, and paying for the food you eat. Plenty of guys love to go out and meet girls but, depending on the stage of their lives, they may only want to meet and date lightly. Sometimes things at work are going really well—you’re close to a promotion, or they are going really badly—you have a horrible boss, or you’re afraid you’re going to be let go. Who knows what’s going on in people’s lives when we meet them? While a meeting or date may seem amazing at one moment, it might just be a temporary thing to keep that person away from what they must focus on at that time in their lives. You might say: well, if they are going through a hard time, maybe I came along at the right time to help them out. Be careful of this—because while you may help them out of their tough times, that might be all you are to them and they will move on without you when they are in better shape.

3. You’re a friend
Girls, beware: sometimes we can’t tell when you’re interested in us. When I was in college, my best girlfriend told all my roommates that she liked me, and made them swear not to tell me. They actually kept the secret pretty well for a while. But when I finally found out, I was completely blind-sided—and I only thought of her as a friend from day one. One of my best buddies from college is notorious for ignoring the fact that a girl might like him. He’s met a lot of girls that he immediately puts into the “friend” group, and goes out with them frequently, while (at least to me) it’s fairly obvious that she’s interested in more. I have a history of losing touch with every girlfriend or girl I’ve been intimate with. It has made me very nervous to escalate things beyond friendship because past intimacy has caused girls that I could have been friends with forever to be out of my life. Guys value friendship just like girls do—and they can get nervous to take the next step.

The rest will be revealed in tomorrow’s post…

[source]

So much has been made of Keri Hilson’s emergence onto the music scene over the past year. Women appear to dig her style, while men…well let’s just say we value her many assets (thank you Lord.) To be perfectly honest with you though, I can’t really remember this much anticipation surrounding an artist since my neighborhood held candlelight vigils prayerfully awaiting the end of Vanilla Ice’s career. And while the prayers of my small town were finally answered, the arrival of Hilson’s first single “Energy” may prove to be even more beneficial than the “ice man’s” demise.

By dissecting the lyrics of Hilson’s lead single, a fundamental lesson is unearthed which had seemingly gone undiscovered by more than a few women throughout the years.

How to walk away.

In my inbox alone, I’ve received countless emails from women who find themselves trapped in dead end relationships. And similar to Hilson’s song, they too find themselves stuck with a man who literally sucks the life out of them. But that’s where the similarities end. Whereas Hilson displayed the courage to walk away from a bad situation, many women remain stuck in neutral, unable to will themselves out of the doomed relationship. Which brings us to our question of the day…

Fly Lyrics Question:

Why is it so hard for some to walk away from a bad relationship? If you’ve ever experienced this, share your story, and how you ultimately resolved it.

The Lyrics:

I wish I could rip out a page of my memory
Cuz I put to much energy in him and me
Can’t wait til I get through this phase
Cuz it’s killing me
To bad we can’t re-write our own history

Such a mystery when he’s here with me
It’s hard to believe I’m still lonely
Chances fading now, patience running out
This ain’t how it’s supposed to be

I’m having nightmares from sleeping with the enemy
How do we reverse the chemistry?
I don’t want us to be the end of me
This love is taking all of my energy
Energy, My Energy
Taking all my energy
Energy, My Energy
Taking all of (my energy)

Seems only like yesterday, not even gravity
Could keep your feet off the ground when you go to me
How can two be as one
We’ve become to divided now
There’s no use hiding from my misery
Such a mystery when he’s here with me
It’s hard to believe I’m still lonely
Chances fading now, patience running out
This ain’t how it’s supposed to be

I’m having nightmares from sleeping with the enemy (Oh, Yeah)
How do we reverse the chemistry? (We gotta re-)
I don’t want us to be the end of me
This love is taking all of my energy
Energy, My Energy
Taking all my energy (Energy)
Energy (Energy), My Energy (Energy)
Taking all of

Now I can feel a change in me
And I can’t afford a slippage
From the person I was meant to be
I’m not afraid to move alone
Not give it up but moving on
Before it gets to deep
Cause your taking all of my energy

I’m having nightmares from sleeping with the enemy
How do we reverse the chemistry?
I don’t want us to be the end of me
This love is taking all of my energy
Energy, My Energy
Taking all my energy
Energy, My Energy
Taking all of (my energy) x2
Ya killing me
Ya taking all of me
This love is taking all my energy

Dear Mom,

I remember you telling me to write down a list of my goals. “Write the vision,” is what you told me. Well I followed your instructions, and I’m proud to say that one of my goals has officially been checked off of my impossibly long list.

That’s right folks; the women at All That’s Fab have named your resident Fly Guy their “Fab Man Of The Week.” No one’s every called me Fab before, so I’ve had to hire a team of researchers to investigate exactly what that means. (I’m pretty sure it’s something good though.)

But seriously, I want to thank those cool and beautiful women over there for showing me an incredible amount of love. I truly appreciate it. So do me a favor, and visit their site to check out my feature. Not that I’m all that interesting, but I’m sure you must have some questions about the man who lurks in the shadows with his red jacket and head cocked to the side (My chiropractor actually tells me that pose will help with my posture when I’m 60.)

So follow the link to find out more about your boy. And if you’re so inclined, you can always leave them a comment telling the world how wonderful you think I am. (Don’t worry; these are all just incredibly serious jokes.)

Click here: (The Fly Guy is “Fab Man of the Week”)

By: Ryan of Smarter Wealth
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Money can make or break a relationship. In fact money is one of the major causes of divorce in the world today. Many couples will argue and fight and even get bitter at their partner over financial issues.

I have been with my girlfriend for over 2 years and we have made a consistent effort to work together when it comes to money. We have had some difficulties when it comes to money, but overall we have a healthier relationship because of the way we decided to act about money.

If you want to have a great and long lasting relationship then you need to resolve this issue of money with your partner and you need to work together to reach your financial goals. Once you begin to work together you will find more and more that money is not a problem to tear your relationship apart but it is actually a tool to help keep your relationship healthy.

Here are some important first steps you will need to take as a couple to deal with your financial issues:

1. There are More Important Things than Money
Money is not the most important thing in your life. Money, though great, will never make you truly happy. It is through relationships which we find our greatest fulfillment. No one sitting on their death bed ever says “I wish I had more money”, instead they say “I wish I had a better relationship with …” Money is not the most important thing in life and this should be true for our relationships. When money becomes a focus in the relationship you know that there is a problem. Shift your focus off money and onto more important things.

2. Sit Down and Discuss Your Goals
If you are having trouble with money in your relationship (or even if you haven’t) then it is important to sit down together (without distractions) and talk about money. Talk about the way you view money, what you want to use money for, what your financial goals are etc. Try to understand where the other person is coming from. Embrace similarities in your goals and work through the differences.

3. Honor the Other Person
In everything you do with your finances try to honor your partner. Don’t do things behind their back that you know wouldn’t honour them. For example, if me and my girlfriend want to save up for our wedding (we will be engaged shortly so this is a future example) then if I went out and spent all my money on gadgets and junk then she wouldn’t feel honored. When you become selfish with money problems will begin to rise.

4. Learn to Compromise
Learn to compromise on your goals and your visions. Don’t be so fixed on what you want that you try to destroy all of your partner’s dreams and goals about money. For example, my girlfriend wants to do property developing in the next few years. Personally, I don’t. I want to invest into my online business. But I will compromise and save money so she can do property developing which is her dream. By releasing her into her dream she will release me into mine

5. Be Generous
The life of a generous person grows larger and larger. Make a decision to be generous to each other constantly. Me and my girlfriend will always shout each other meals (shout: Aussie term for pay for someone) when we go out. We overall I end up spending the same amount on her as she does on me so it cancels itself out, but the spirit of generosity makes your partner (and yourself) feel valued in the relationship.

Now I just wanted to share with you a few ideas I personally use to use money as a tool for building my relationship with my girlfriend:

* We pay for each other at breakfast/dinner/lunch
* We buy each other flowers
* We buy each other presents
* We plan special date nights for each other each week (one week she will plan and pay for one, the next week I will and so on)
* We help each other out if we are in a tight spot (if she runs low on money one month I will lend her a couple of hundred)
* We teach each other about finances (she is always, always, always teaching me about being generous with finance, I am always teaching her to budget and save)

So stop making money a wedge in your relationship and instead unite and work together to make money work for you in building the best relationships possible.
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Nice suggestions. So here’s my Fly Question for the Day:

Has money ever caused a strain on your relationship? If so, let me know what happened, and how it was resolved.

I ran across a feature today over at Sex On The Beach Magazine that is sure to generate countless stories of sex, lies, intrigue…wait. Just read the piece below, and I’ll be right back. I’m about to grab some popcorn so I can sit back and enjoy what is sure to come at the conclusion of this piece.
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Written By Goddess

This syndrome needs to be researched by psychologists world-wide and it damn sure deserves a spot in the research books because everyone has fallen victim to this at some point in their lives!!!

FuckNDuck (fuk.en.duk) n. A post sex scenario which occurs when either a man or woman disappears after sex and makes no attempts of contacting you or having future communication.

Ahhh, now you can relate…you just never knew what it was called!

This is a plague that sadly affects both the male and female species, however, women are more prone to the harsh reality of FuckNDuck.

Here’s a common scenario:

“We had such a mesmerizing and beautiful time on our first date. We went out to eat and shared GREAT conversation! It felt like this could be the perfect guy and that we shared so much in common. We were enjoying each others’ company and felt like it was too early to end the night. So I invited him to my place to watch movies and he gladly agreed. We were really into the movie, but the attraction was so steamy and strong … before you know it, one thing led to another and we were making out and on the fast track to what seemed like the BEST sex I’ve ever had!

In the aftermath, I felt kind of embarrassed about giving it up on the first date because I usually don’t do that so soon. But I was confident this guy would be different from the rest. The next day I was looking forward to my new friend calling me to say what an amazing time we had and to ask when we could do it again?! From past experiences I know that according to ‘guy time’ I may not get a follow-up ring until later that week. And then the unexpected happened … weeks flew by and I figured maybe something went wrong. I texted, phoned, and–NOTHING!!!”

Girl, ya been FuckNDucked. The quicker people become hip to the reality, the sooner they are better equipped to self-immunize or to prevent such a fiasco from happening to them. [source]
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The Fly Question:
So has this scenario ever happened to you? Have you ever been left high and dry before you even had a chance to get your clothes back on? Let me know.

But I won’t let you blindly follow down that same seedy path. Today is your lucky day, as we will dissect a “Benefits Prospectus Summary,” so you can make an educated decision before completely converting to a life full of FWBs.

Once you’ve finished studying our findings, share with us your thoughts, and in what direction you are now leaning.

[Source]

The beautiful Gina Ravera, talented co-star of the TNT hit series “The Closer,” stopped by Fly Guy headquarters to share her views on the value of communication within a relationship. But the talking that Ravera spoke of wasn’t confined to just the flowery “I love yous” that we’re all accustomed to. Instead, Ravera tackled the tough conversations that must be had in any serious relationship (i.e. Are you HIV positive?)

So check out what Ravera had to say, and when you’re finished, make sure you catch the season premiere of “The Closer,” tonight at 9pm on TNT.

Gina Ravera on The Importance Of Talking

Check Out The Official Promo of The Closer Season 4