While I realize that it’s not as exciting as trying to figure out “where in the world is Carmen Sandiego,” you can still keep tabs on me. (Think of it as a cool consolation prize.) So follow me on twitter by clicking below:

The Fly Guy On Twitter

But I won’t let you blindly follow down that same seedy path. Today is your lucky day, as we will dissect a “Benefits Prospectus Summary,” so you can make an educated decision before completely converting to a life full of FWBs.

Once you’ve finished studying our findings, share with us your thoughts, and in what direction you are now leaning.

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I don’t dig into my own personal journal as much as I probably should, but today will be a much needed exception. I hope you guys can relate.

For a long time, I was a con artist. But it had nothing to do with me deceiving my loved ones or even preying on unsuspecting strangers. Instead, it was a classic case of me pulling the wool over my own eyes. That’s right, I was conning myself. The nature of the con was brilliant too. I had effectively convinced myself that when it came to relationships, I could do no wrong. So anytime there was trouble in paradise, it was automatically her fault.

If we were arguing, then it must have been her doing.

If the spark was gone, then she must have let herself go.

If one of us was contemplating cheating or leaving, then she obviously needed to get her act together.

And on and on it went. As for my own role, well I starred as the blameless boyfriend. And I played it to perfection. But one day, I experienced a life altering occurrence (another story for another day), which forced me to take a long, hard look in the mirror. I didn’t like what I saw. That blameless boyfriend was completely covered in scars and other unsightly blemishes.

So you mean it wasn’t ALWAYS her fault?

And are you trying to tell me that I contributed to some of the relationship problems that I had experienced in the past?

Believe me, it was a hard pill to swallow. But once I grasped the idea that we are all imperfect beings striving to coexist with another imperfect being, then the spell of the con artist (myself) was finally lifted, leaving me better equipped to navigate the choppy relationship waters of life. You see, it’s not always about who is right or wrong. Instead, it’s about who is humble enough to stand tall and admit where their own faults lie. It’s also about who is willing to meet the other person halfway, and work through the minor issues that are brought about when two DIFFERENT people try to live life as one. I learned that lesson. And I’m a better man today because of it.

My point for sharing this is that I know I’m not alone. In fact, there maybe someone reading this right now that is still allowing the con artist within to feed them this false sense of perfection. It’s time to break the spell … right here, and right now. Once you’re able to face your own shortcomings, it will allow you to not only improve yourself, but to also improve the overall health and wellness of your present and future relationships.

Are you with me?

Here’s a hypothetical question. Let’s say I met you one evening, and the chemistry between us was about as intense as Al Sharpton’s infatuation for lye relaxers. What would it take for you to come home with me? Well if I was R&B star John Legend, I’d probably use some of the lyrics in his newest single “Green Light,” which features Andre 3000 to convince you.

So in the spirit of the song, here’s our Fly Guy question of the day: Would you ever have a one night stand? And if so, under what conditions?

The emails keep pouring in with many of my male readers longing to know the answer to the following universal mystery…

“What do women like?”

And while many of my love advice colleagues will be quick to spout out a list longer than an Amy Winehouse toxicology report, my answer has always remained the same: “I don’t know.”

So why don’t I know?

It’s simple. I choose not to. Since all women have vastly different tastes and types that they prefer in a mate, I personally think it’s easier to discuss the things they don’t like. That’s why I’ve decided to reveal the 6 Types Of Men That All Women Hate. Pay close attention; and if it sounds like I’m describing you, then it may be time for you to make a change.

1. Mr. “Pity Party”

No matter how hard you try to make a woman feel sorry for you, it never improves your chances of winning her heart. Honestly, you’d probably have a better chance at convincing Britney Spears to wear underwear in public than to attract a woman by telling her how bad your life has been in the past. No one wants to be attached to someone that’s emotionally damaged…period. So while she may pay more attention to you, it’s simply because she feels sorry for you. You will never get any serious consideration to be her man.

2. Mr. “Spineless”

Can you speak up for yourself just once? Please? Listen, I understand what you’re trying to do, but it’s going to backfire on you. Here’s the strategy that you’ve been using: You want this woman to like you so badly that you agree with everything that she says. And while she may actually enjoy this for a short period of time, eventually she’ll grow tired of you not having a backbone. When this happens, I guarantee you’ll be replaced faster than a Clinton campaign manager. Here’s my advice: Man up. And if you don’t like something, say it. She’ll respect you more in the long run.

3. Mr. “Name-Dropper”

“Hey baby, did you know that Jay-Z and I are in the same Sunday School class? Yeah, he runs all of his business ideas past me first. I can introduce you if you’d like.”

And on and on it goes. For a real woman, a man that spends the majority of his time name-dropping is about as unimpressive as an O.J. Simpson alibi. So stop trying to woo her with who you know…instead, try wowing her with who you are.

4. Mr. “My Friends Come First”

Let me be the first to say that I’m a strong advocate of both men and women maintaining their friendships when in a relationship. What I do have a problem with though are men who seem to be more concerned with hanging out with their “boys” than keeping their relationship strong. Here’s something that you may not have known: Those same “friends” that you’re so concerned with, would leave you in a heartbeat for the chance to be with a good woman. So make sure you take care of your relationship first. You can always catch up with them later. There will always be a game on TV to watch, but their may not always be a good woman waiting for you when the game goes off. So when you do find one, make sure you keep her.

5. Mr. “Change My Diaper”

When she first met you, she thought she was signing up to potentially be your woman…not your mother. But some men seem to have it twisted, as their immaturity makes the woman feel like she should claim you as a dependant on her taxes. Let me get this straight: you don’t have a decent job, you don’t have any real goals, and your idea of “foreplay” is having your three friends come over to play video games with you. Yeah, that sounds appealing.

6. Mr. “Tell Me Anything”

You are such a smooth talker. There’s just one problem though. You never follow through with anything that you say…never. In fact, you would probably make a great AM radio host, because you’re “all talk, all the time.” She’ll soon grow tired of your eloquent speeches and leave you alone. When that happens, you’ll be left with nothing but the hot air from your words to keep you warm at night.

The Fly Conclusion: So now it’s time for me to hear from you. Are there other types of men that you hate? Or maybe you’ve had a bad experience with one that was mentioned above. Whatever the case may be, I’d love to hear from you. In the end, the purpose of this column is to provide my fellow man with a guide to some of the characteristics and traits to avoid at all cost. I pray that someone’s listening…

A wise man once told me, “Make sure you tell your girlfriend everything about your past to avoid any drama.” Of course, he said this shortly before she broke up with him…I didn’t get all of the details, but it was something about a strange Angela from “Who’s the Boss” fetish that he had.

So with this in mind, there are some things that you may want to keep to yourself when getting to know someone. After all, we have all been guilty of making mistakes in the past, and some of those need to be left right there…in the past. So here are Three Secrets That Aren’t Worth Telling.

1. The number of past sexual partners.

Let’s be honest with each other for a moment. No one really wants to know how many sexual partners you’ve had before them…no one. So unless, your name is Mary and you have a fondness for mangers and wise men, then keep that number to yourself. Guard it like Al Sharpton guards that last bit of “Just for Me.”

2. That you don’t have the best credit score.

Unless she has a ring on her finger, and is preparing to spend the rest of her life with you, then your credit score is none of her business. So avoid the temptation of letting her know that you ran up enough credit card debt to fund a small third world nation. Just focus hard on improving yourself right now, and by the time she does have a right to know, you would have turned the corner by then.

3. The way you cheated in the past.

This is a big one. Just because you finished 3rd in the 1989 Player of the Year Competition, doesn’t mean you have to share those sordid details with her. In fact, the last thing that she needs to know is that you were a habitual cheater. She’ll instantly think that you will be doing more of the same with her…which doesn’t necessarily promote a trusting relationship. So zip it up, and throw away the key.

The Fly Guy Moral

I am in no way asking you to be dishonest when getting to know someone. I’m simply asking you to think twice about freely sharing certain details of your life. Not everyone deserves to know the most intimate details of your past…so don’t waste that knowledge on a person that will be out of your life faster than those new year’s resolutions that you always make.