As the words left her mouth, it was almost as if I could hear a chorus of women standing behind her, ready to take up her cause. This stance is nothing new though. Ask any woman to describe what she desires in a man, and more often than not, adjectives like real and honest will somehow make their way into the conversation. And it’s not like I can even blame women for having that desire. After all, those are qualities that we should all strive to possess.

The irony of it all is that while women expect men to engage in complete honesty, the same can’t be said for how some women present themselves to men. While their words may be truthful, nothing else about them appears to be authentic in any way. From their eyes, to their hair, body and other physical attributes, some women go to great lengths to create an alternate version of themselves. It’s gotten to the point where men have to openly question if a woman is “real or not.”

But why are women doing this? Is there a belief that this is what a man wants? Or are they simply attempting to mask their own insecurities? One thing’s for certain; the more I talk to other men, the more I realize that I’m not alone in my displeasure with this alarming upward trend of “fake” women. In today’s piece, I’ve decided to analyze some of the many ways that women make themselves up, and share what men from around the country have to say about it.

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Eyelashes

“I’ll never forget the time when this girl that I was dating spent the night. Things were going well, until I woke up the next morning. I looked over and saw that her fake eyelashes had come off and were lying on her cheek. It looked like she had little creatures on her face. That was the first time that I wasn’t attracted to her. I want to wake up to the same person that I fall asleep to. She just seemed fake to me.” –Adrian, Chicago

Butt Injections

“Why are women getting butt injections? I don’t understand it. Do they think that’s what we want? Maybe if she was a stripper it would be cool, but I don’t want to be sleeping next to a woman with a fake booty. Aren’t those things flammable?” –Jared, Houston

Body Magic

“Women want a man that is physically fit, when it looks like she robbed an ice cream truck and broke into the Twinkie factory.” –Erik, Atlanta

“I remember dating this girl and thinking that she had a nice shape. It wasn’t until we decided to get physical that I learned the truth. As we undressed, she had something underneath … I think it was one of those Body Magic things. Once she took it off, I was speechless. It looked like she had been hiding a small child under there.” –Anton, Philly

Butt Pads

“A woman shouldn’t wear a butt pad unless she is a professional figure skater, and doesn’t want to hurt herself if she falls.” –Marlon, Los Angeles

Lacefront Wigs

“When I see those things, I always wonder what else isn’t real about the girl. It’s gotten so bad, that I’m almost expecting a woman to put her teeth in a cup by the bed, and unscrew her leg like on I’m Gonna Git You Sucka.” –Ty, Chicago

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The Outlook

Technically speaking, a man could blatantly lie to a woman, and she wouldn’t have the grounds to be upset … well not if she was misrepresenting herself in any of the aforementioned ways above. I mean, be honest; is either type of lie really ok? I contend no. At the end of the day, there needs to be more honesty across the board—from both men and women. If a woman wants to know the truth when she asks a guy if he’s seeing anyone else, then he should also get the truth about the color of her eyes or the size of her waste.

Simply put, if both sides began coming to the table with a more honest representation of themselves, then things might work out better for all parties involved. At least, that’s what I believe.

What are your thoughts?

Allow me to reintroduce myself. If you believe in things like birth certificates or the facts on a driver’s license, then my name is DeWayne Rogers—middle child of three, and product of a mother and father who have been “happily” married for 35 years. I put happily in quotation marks, because like any couple that has been together for that long, they’ve experienced their fair share of ups and downs.  Some days you’d swear the characters Heathcliff and Claire Huxtable were modeled after my parents. But then on other days, I seriously wondered as a child if my parents were going to make it.

Thankfully, they did.

By witnessing their ability to persevere, my own perspective on love and relationships was born. My baptism in the waters of the Rogers’ household taught me the harsh realities of love—realities that dispelled my initial belief that true love was easy.

Through the help of my parents, I learned that it was actually quite the opposite … love was far from easy. Truth be told, a far more fitting adjective for love would be “resilient.” Say it with me: RESILIENT. That would describe my parents. You see, they never believed in giving up on each other, and by doing so, they provided their children with a living, breathing example of love.

I appreciate them for that.

Unfortunately, every child isn’t privy to that type of upbringing. And you know what? It shows.

It shows by the way we treat each other.
It shows by the way we disrespect each other.
And it most certainly shows by the way we constantly give up on each other.

In my heart, I knew something had to change.

The Birth of a Fly Guy

Although I can’t remember the exact moment that I officially began to label myself as “The Fly Guy,” I can safely say that the transformation began a little more than 4 years ago. At the time, I was in search of a professional identity, and in the midst of that search, I woke up to find my love life in shambles.

The woman that I had pledged my life and my love to had stopped believing in us, and had expressed as much by “spending time” with other men. That was the first and only time that I had ever experienced a broken heart, so you can imagine what I was going through. But what’s interesting is that I never became depressed, and I never swore off love … I just couldn’t … I believed in it too much.

**I believed that when expressed properly, love was God’s most beautiful creation.
**I believed in love’s regenerative powers—that even though I was temporarily hurt, my heart would be renewed.
**I believed that we all on some level desire to share a fulfilling relationship with another person.

With those fundamental beliefs in tow, I began to write. And by sharing the outpouring of my heart, I discovered a genuine calling on my life. Today, I sincerely believe that part of my “life’s work” is to assist in the world’s rediscovery of healthy, authentic, resilient relationships.

I understand that the work is far from done. And I also understand that I’m battling with my own personal issues that sometimes get in the way of the work. But as I continue to work on me, I pray that you’ll see past my shortcomings and accept the spirit of my message.

So now that we’ve been formally reintroduced, feel free to call me whatever feels right. If Fly Guy feels good, then go for it. And if DeWayne is more your speed, then I’ll certainly respond. Just know that whatever you decide to call me, I promise to answer you and to address your needs to the best of my abilities.

I stand before you today as a man who selfishly wants us to be united by one common bond. Love.

Fin … for now.

My heart aches …

And my soul remains despondent …

The rest of me just resembles a former shell of itself—a now unfortunate collection of cursed molecules that no longer understands its place nor purpose in this universe. There was actually a time when I sincerely believed that my sole purpose in life was to love you with everything that I had within me. And I did that … I swear I did.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t enough.

So now I’m empty … left with nothing but a heart that still aches, and a watch that reminds me of happier times.

I officially hate this watch now.

It’s as if I can hear the second hand obnoxiously ticking … TICK … TICK … TICK … TICK … always ticking; always reminding me of the precious seconds that have slipped away since you were last in my arms. (2 months, 5 days and 17 hours to be exact.)

You know, my mother once told me that time heals all wounds; but neither time nor distance has proven to be an adequate remedy for this dull pain that now consumes me. This incessant suffering has led me to the realization that the only thing that’s capable of alleviating this pain is you coming back to me.

So I pray that you’re somewhere reading this; and I selfishly pray that you’re in search of a similar cure for your own case of the blues. If that be the case, then stop reading this right now, and just come see me.  I’m sure that our love can overcome whatever problems pushed us away in the first place.

But if that’s not the case … and if you’ve moved on and are now comfortably settled in a beautiful life without me, then I pray that this message self destructs—forever wiping itself from your memory.

So until the time comes when our paths either will or won’t cross again, I’ll be here … waiting on you … hopeful that my distant lover will come back home.

Today’s Heartbreak Feature: Marvin Gaye’s “Distant Lover”

You know what our main problem is when it comes to relationships? We don’t say what we really mean any more. There’s just way too much beating around the bush for my tastes. That’s why I found it refreshing to watch a video where the guy explicitly expressed what he had planned for his woman.

Say whatever you will about the video, but from now on, when I express myself to women, I’m going to make sure that I say exactly what’s on my mind … in the most respectable way of course. (My mother wouldn’t have it any other way.)

Check out the video.

I recently hung out with actor/comedian Marlon Wayans in Los Angeles, as we worked to produce a cover shoot for Rolling Out Magazine (visit here). Towards the end of our time, we got a chance to jump into my favorite topic, love and relationships. Check out Marlon as he shares his perspective on a litany of topics that range from his first date, to a man’s strategy for winning a woman’s heart. Enjoy.

It’s that time of year again—that’s right Valentine’s Day. Now for some of you, I’m sure you’re salivating at the idea of receiving a gift from that special someone. But what happens if you receive something from the wrong person? Now’s that’s a prospect that can be downright scary. It’s time we examined that possibility in the following digital short.

Valentine’s Day Gone Wrong from The Fly Guy on Vimeo.

I’ve decided to change up the approach to my Fly Poetry section today. Instead of featuring a traditional poem, I wanted to post the lyrics to a song that me to reads like beautiful poetry (Not to mention the fact that it now has a very special meaning to me.)

There are no additional words needed from me on this one … just check out the lyrics, and when you’re done, take a listen to the song for good measure.

The Fly Poetry/Lyrics

You introduce me to life that I’ve never known
When I’m by your side that’s when I feel at home
And my only intent is to make you smile
I promise…

So believe what I say when I say I’m real
Cuz there ain’t no mistaking the way I feel
Baby open your heart and accept this love
I give you…

Over the others
Over my pride
Over the faults, I have in my life

I choose you

Over the others
Over my pride
Cuz you’re the best thing, in my life

I choose you

Said I knew it was right, so I took the chance
Disregarded the challenge of the circumstance
Now your to big a part of me to let you go
I promise…

So despite the way that I make mistakes
And despite the direction this love may take
You can always be sure of me just have faith,
I got you … this much is true

Over the others, over my pride,
Over the falls I have in my life

I choose you

Over the others, over my pride
Cuz you’re the best thing, in my life

I choose you

Listen to “I Choose You” by Ryan Leslie

So last night I participated in an event called Venus vs. Mars here in Atlanta. It was a relationship panel where some of the best and brightest minds in the entertainment industry came together to duke it out in the ultimate battle of the sexes. When the dust cleared, the men had came out on top (hey, was there any doubt that this would be the outcome?)

One of the major points of the evening was brought up by Issac Hayes III, aka Ike Dirty. He contended that it’s impossible for a man to be labeled as a whore—no matter how much a woman may try to throw around that label.

Well this morning, he wrote the argument in a blog that I wanted to share with you. Read. Comment. Share. Oh, and make sure you follow him on Twitter by clicking here.

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Written By: Issac Hayes III

Boy! this one is gonna get me in trouble!

In my never ending attempt to defend men as much as we get bashed by ladies and piss you all off at the same time, I couldn’t wait to write this one. “O.K.! I’M RELOADED!” Hee… Hee…

I’ve heard women call men hoes and sluts for years. I’ve had numerous debates about this issue constantly hearing all that senseless blabber by women.

News Flash ladies, MEN CAN’T BE HOES! I know, I know. Pots, Pans, Shoes, Tomatoes being thrown at my head. Boos and hisses from the crowd of angry women reading this right now. I know. But it’s the truth. Sorry ladies. The reason why men can’t be hoes and women can is very simple. When it comes to men, SEX IS AN ACQUISITION. Men acquire sex. WOMEN GIVE SEX AWAY. Women allow sex to happen. Outside the evil tragedy of rape and molestation, every time a woman has ever had sex SHE has allowed it to happen. The ultimate final decision is YOURS, AND YOURS ALONE to have sex. Men could want sex with you all they want, but if you don’t give it the green light it just isn’t goin to happen . You allow the panties to come down past your hips and off your ankles. THAT’S YOU LETTING IT HAPPEN! Men, we’re pretty much always down for sex. But women, you guys pick your sex partners. YOU CHOOSE. So if you choose to give your sex to a bunch of different men, that makes you a HOE. If a man gets a lot of sex given to him, that makes him good at acquiring sex. We’re only allowed to have the sex that is given to us. By no means does this mean a man can’t be promiscuous. Meaning he has no discretion with whom he tries to acquire sex from. So if he’s tryin to holla at every raggedy ass chick that gives their booty away like club flyers then yeah, he’s promiscuous. But that doesn’t make him a hoe, it just makes him have bad taste in women.

Good Looks, Charisma and Money increase the number of women that wanna give their sex away to men. WHICH IS USUALLY THE TYPE OF MAN THAT GETS CALLED A HOE. Truth! Attractive, Successful, Regular Dudes with Good Looks and all around Game or of course, Singers, Rappers, Athletes and Actors. Those types of men are gettin’ sex thrown at them all the time so they are usually not with one woman but are with several. Which inspire women that want them too to call them Hoes. Sounds like hatin’ to me. What? I don’t see any ugly, busted, buck-toothed dudes gettin called hoe! See, there’s a word rather than hoe that best describes a man that has lots of sex given to him. Ya know what it is?……

It’s called a “PLAYER”. So the next time you see that cute man that has all the ladies attention and you wanna get at him too. That’s not a Hoe, That’s a Player. He’s out doin’ him. So don’t hate the PLAYER, hate the GAME. Either get on the court or stay on the sidelines. No need to hate, name call and bash him from the stands. He’s a Player. And we all know what Players do…..

Players Play. Swish!

AT THE BUZZER!!! YES!!! IKE DIRTY DOES IT AGAIN! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!

Til next time number 12, Dirty Out! Ha….

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So what are you thoughts? Vote below and make your voice heard.

“I’ve wasted so much time.”

At least that’s how I felt after watching the latest video from Los Angeles Lakers star, Ron Artest. You see, I’ve spent so many hours researching the perfect way to express my thoughts and desires to a woman, when all I had to do was follow the example set by Artest.

Go figure.

So the next time I get close to that special someone, I’ll simply pull her close, look deeply into her eyes, and say, “Girl….touch me like I’m blind.”

I couldn’t make this up even if I tried … Check it out below.

I’ve been a little under the weather the past few days, so you’ll have to excuse me if my writing feels a little “dry.” It’s not that I’ve completely lost my sense of humor, but searching for the funny in life and in love gets to be tedious when you can’t breathe out of your left nostril. But that minor inconvenience aside, this time in bed has really given me an opportunity to reflect on my life, and to discover new ways to relate my experiences back to our constant exploration of love and relationships.

Take my job as a writer for instance. I’m not sure if I’ve ever explained this to you, but the main reason that posting occasionally gets slow is due to my alternate life as an entertainment editor. Each week brings new assignments, which in turn provides new reasons for me to bounce around from city to city ……. (Now that I think about it, that’s probably why I’m sick in the first place.)

So I was in New York last week, and casually fell into an interesting conversation with an airline pilot. I began to tell her about how I practically live on airplanes, but that I’m still not entirely comfortable with the takeoff. She laughed and replied, “Well, you being uncomfortable is certainly understandable since that’s the most vulnerable part of the flight.”

Now maybe it’s the medicine that’s making me look too deeply into her words, but I think there’s something to be learned from this. Before a flight begins, there are a series of checks that must be done before the tower will clear the plane for takeoff. In the rare event that something is overlooked, disaster often occurs. Just Google “plane crashes” and I’m sure you’ll find that a large majority of those accidents happened shortly after takeoff. In the aftermath, investigators often determine that the plane was never fit for takeoff in the first place.

Now I know what you’re thinking … what in the world does that have to do with relationships?

Everything.

There are so many of us who jump into relationships that were never fit for takeoff. We’re just so anxious to be with someone, that we don’t do the proper spot checks to make sure that it’s even safe to embark on the journey. Then when the crash happens, we’re left with the same conclusion as those plane investigators: “This should have never been cleared for takeoff.”

Just look at the facts:

You already knew that he was no good.
You saw flashes of her bad attitude and selfishness on the first date.
You knew that you weren’t over your ex yet.

Should I continue?

In all honesty, we’ve probably all been guilty of occasionally ignoring the signs that were right in our face—the signs that said, “hey, you might want to keep this plane parked on the runway until the conditions get better.”

In the future, if we learn to trust air traffic control a little more—that would be our conscience—we may be able to avoid many of the same crashes that have plagued us in the past.

Make sense?

I hope so … I’m going back to bed.