Comparing A Woman’s Wants Vs. Her Needs
Jun 29th, 2010 | Author: The Fly Guy | Category: Fly Perspectives
Comments (14)
A large majority of my life has been spent working to gain a reasonably sound understanding of the opposite sex. If you noticed, I specifically used the word “reasonable” since the likelihood of me ever fully mastering the complexities of a woman is about as probable as Jermaine Jackson denouncing hair grease—especially not when women change and evolve almost as frequently as the sun rises and sets. No, I’d rather strive for a reasonable understanding, which gives me the best possible chance at successfully loving Mrs. Right when she comes along.
As I prepare for her arrival, I’ve come to understand the distinct difference between a woman’s wants and needs. The wants are typically sexy in nature—the qualities that make leading men in movies so desirable. The needs on the other hand are often more practical, and in the long run turn out to be the things that lead to sustained happiness.
In the beginning, a large majority of women forsake their needs because the wants are so appealing. (I can’t hate though, as men do the exact same thing.) But as most women mature, they begin to develop a greater appreciation for their needs over those enticing wants.
So in the spirit of this concept, I’ve decided to compare some of the typical wants and needs of a woman to see how they stack up against one another.
Her Wants Vs. Her Needs
A woman wants a man that would never be disrespected by others … A woman needs a man that would never stop respecting her.
A woman wants a man with a flawless body … A woman needs a man with an impeccable character.
A woman wants a man 6’3 or taller … A woman needs a man that stands tall in the face of adversity.
A woman wants a man that’s financially secure … A woman needs a man that’s emotionally stable.
A woman wants a man with a beautiful smile … A woman needs a man with a beautiful heart.
A woman wants a man that’s confident in his approach … A woman needs a man that’s dedicated in his delivery.
A woman wants a man with unlimited potential … A woman needs a man with unlimited drive.
A woman wants a man that people think the world of … A woman needs a man that thinks the world of her.
A woman wants a man that’s willing to die for her … A woman needs a man that’s ready to live for her.
A woman wants a man that has seen the world … A woman needs a man that sees the world in her.
A woman wants a man that fulfills her checklist … A woman needs a man willing to love her in spite of his checklist.
Today’s Fly Request: Share some of your experiences as it pertains to a woman’s wants and needs.
To the men: Has a woman ever overlooked you because she was driven by her wants instead of her needs?
To the women: Have you ever been misled by your wants? If so, explain what happened.
(3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
Loading ...Enjoy this article? If so, share it with a friend and subscribe to the Fly Guy Chronicles RSS feed.
 | PREVIOUS POST Love Quotables- Chapter 19 |
“A woman wants a man that’s financially secure … A woman needs a man that’s emotionally stable.”
Some of us *need* a man who’s financially secure. And I don’t necessarily mean a dude with six or seven figures of income or wealth, I mean a dude who has some employment options. Is he educated? Does he have a skill? Is he a saver or a spender? Does he pay his bills on time? That shows maturity, responsibility, and gives us a sense of security.
That said, I think we don’t favor our wants over our needs. We just hope that our needs come wrapped in a ‘wants’ package. Once you get some age and experience under your belt, you realize that finding a good man who is compatible with you probably won’t look like Boris Kodjoe.
I am one of the fortunate women who have a man who meets her needs and many of her wants. We will celebrate 28 years of marriage July 5 with a trip to Memphis to enjoy each others company. It isn’t easy and requires that each of us think more of the other at times when we don’t always want to. Ladies, Prince Charming doesn’t show up on a white stallion or in a white Mercedes – he shows up by loving and supporting his family in every way he can.
“To the men: Has a woman ever overlooked you because she was driven by her wants instead of her needs?”
Most of the time, yes.
Hmmmm, surprisingly my wants vs my needs in a man were one in the same. Even as a young girl my girlfriends would give me the side eye when we discussed the type of man we were going to marry and the man I described wasn’t rich or well off or popular or gorgeous as most of the girls wanted. The man I wanted/needed was beautiful in spirit, mindful of mine and his emotional stability, respectable to himself first and always respecting me. Because honestly if a man doesn’t respect himself how can he respect others.
I’ve always been a huge romantic so the man that I wanted/needed turned out to be exactly what I envisioned him to be, and although we’re still “babies” in our marriage. I find myself wanting nothing more than to engage in conversations with him that last for hours or just sit and stare at him while he stares back at me. Most of our friends think that something is wrong with us because we almost seem too perfect, but we’re not by far. I just accept and love him for who he is and he does the same.
Amen!
ANd there is not not a brother out there who HASNT been overlooked by a wants-based woman. You just have to keep moving keeping in mind there is a needs-based out there waiting on you. Also 9 times out of ten these same women will come back and apologize telling you they now realize where you were coming from.
Am I supposed to accept their apologies and act like they never rejected me initially?
Yessir!
@Bogart, It happened to me …………………..3 times, with 3 different women.
Great Post, FG!
“A woman wants a man that fulfills her checklist … A woman needs a man willing to love her in spite of his checklist.”
My favorite one! Great post.
I think initially a woman thinks she can have it all, both the left and right sides of your comparison. I believe we grow up thinking the world is ours to conquer. When we grow up we see we can’t have literally EVERYTHING. I have chosen men based on what they do rather than who they are, and at the end of the day if he doesn’t make you feel like a gem, and if you truly love yourself, you learn to cut out and properly narrow your list.
Men do the exact same thing. They do it 99.99% of the time but its only the women that get criticized for placing more importance on her wants than her needs. I’m guilty of this as well. I want someone that I am extremely attracted to and I want him to have a decent career. I feel that I can provide myself with the things I need. I want the man of my dreams. lol
@kai
What I wrote shouldn’t be viewed as criticism towards women … in fact, I even wrote “I can’t hate though, as men do the exact same thing.”
I am guilty of considering more of my wants. I will blame most of this on age(24)and as I grow I see that the needs are more important.
I look back on my life and I cant help but be happy that I haven’t made the big step of marriage yet because I feel that as i grow as a person I become more in tune to what I NEED and what God wants for me. This article is very true. I look back and none of the men I dated before are comparable to what I need now. I now see what people mean when they say “they grew apart” or had “irreconcilable differences”
Have you ever been misled by your wants? If so, explain what happened.
Now I am 20, So I am pretty young and new and hip to this game. I feel that I , in many ways, is misled by what I want because of the way I present myself. For some odd reason, I come off as a very sensual person and I come off strong because I believe in the whole cuddling, holding hands, and the works. Now I believe I know what it takes to be in a relationship and I feel like I know what I want. I want someone to respect me and that is hard to find. At times, i find myself to be so contradicting to some of the things I say because I say I want something, get it, and I confuse myself because I find myself pushing that someone away because I don’t want to get wrapped up when its something so minor. I want someone I can trust with my secrets, someone I can laugh with, and someone I can be honest and true about what is going on with me and they be able to understand and take me for me and not what I “put-on” for them to make them understand. I feel like elaborating on what I want should not be something I need to do. I just feel myself moving too fast and I feel like that is the main reason why I keep getting ending up in square one.