A Message To Scorned Women: Chill Out

May 21st, 2010 | Author: | Category: Fly Perspectives
Comments (21)

I was about 12 years-old when I first heard a phrase that has followed me well into adulthood. “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” At the time, I didn’t really know what it meant, but figured it was somehow being used to explain the actions of my then-girlfriend, who was trying to get her older brother to beat me up. (For the record, I didn’t kiss that other girl … she was just helping me get something off my lip.)

As I’ve grown older and wiser in the ways of love, I continue to encounter instances when scorned women seek to burn a path of vengeance that destroys everything in their path. The more I witness it, the more it disturbs me. Why, you may ask? Well, most of that anger is misdirected, and the scorned woman often lashes out at people who don’t deserve it.

I’ll give you an example. I was recently sent a letter, which prompted me to write this article. In it, a scorned woman hacked into the email of the guy that she was dating, only to discover that he was cheating. She then went on to expose the guy by sending a mass email that included the names, along with indecent pictures of the “other women.”

Here’s the letter, and after reading it, I’ll then discuss why I find this type of behavior unacceptable.
_________________
Hello,

So sad that so many women have to be brought together by a nasty ass man. Well here it is-if you received this email, it is because you ARE fucking N**** F*****, or more so-he is FUCKING over YOU! I have looked in his email and found every last bitch that he has fucked or been in contact with since I met him back in February. He is a filthy liar and I am here to expose him!

And not to mention there are pictures with each and every one of you dumb bitches. Good for me I have never sent him any pictures of me, because he is a dumb clumsy mofo, and I would hate for my face to be in some of the pictures that you all have sent him.

For the record I met N**** in Charlotte. He lives with his mom and always has to get a room or come to my house to fuck. Yes his dick is nice and FAT and LONG, but that is about as far as it goes. For the most part, I take his dick from the back because his ass always has me soaking wet from doing nothing when I am up under him.

Let’s see, what else….he comes off as being really nice, and acts like he is really into you. All of a sudden he is lost and not answering his phone for hours, sometimes days. And he will quickly say it died or he left it somewhere. He makes his trips out of town—to where I don’t know. Well, up until now I have put it together that it is Atl … home of the whores and the strippers.

Ladies and Gentleman (some of you I wasn’t too sure about), if you see your picture attached to this email, sorry, but imagine how I felt when I found out about all of you bitches. Oh and I hope you are engaging in safe sex. I will be the first to admit I have had unprotected sex with N**** at least four times since we met. N****, keep it GANGSTA with us homey! LYING ASS FUCK!!!
_______________________

At the conclusion of the letter, the scorned woman goes on to attach nude pictures of the other women, along with their email addresses and phone numbers. At that point, I had officially reached my tolerance level with scorned women.

Why? Because they take things too far, and show no remorse for the people they hurt along the way. There was no reason for her to embarrass those other women by posting their information. I’m sure they all thought this guy could be trusted as well … so why lash out at the people that were hurt just like you? It makes no sense.

Examples like this show why it’s always best to be slow to anger. Before you act off sheer emotion, first take a step back to logically process the information. After doing so, then consider the feelings of the innocent bystanders that may be affected by your actions. Who knows; if that one step would have been added to this situation, then things may have played out differently. But they weren’t, and the legend of the scorned woman continues to grow.

My message to the scorned women of America: chill out. There are better ways to cope with your hurt than to inflict your pain on the rest of the world. In the end, it only makes things worse.

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  • Medina

    That chick needs to get a grip forreal. That was totally unnecessary and she made a fool of herself. A message to the men: How about stop playing with women’s feelings and ish like this wouldn’t happen.

  • http://twitter.com/jaymesonjiles jaymeson jiles

    *sigh* i remember those days….LMAO! j/k

    but seriously, i think all women have had our “alex forrester” (fatal attraction) moments. “i’m not going to be IGNORED, jim!” (God i love that line). it’s when there is no balance in a woman’s life. his world becomes hers. when he cuts it off, whatever “arrangement” they can have a profound affect on a woman’s psyche – especially if the sex was hot and intense.

    side note: men, HOLD BACK, if you are not sure of the mental state of the woman…check public records before giving her all you got.

    back in open court:
    so it’s not so easy to tell a woman to “chill out.” she was definitely hurt that there was not ONE, but several indiscretions. she was lied to and betrayed repeatedly. i do not know if this woman is black or white. i guess at some level it doesn’t matter. but i know as a black woman, when are already devalued in society, the ultimate betrayal can send us over the edge. we want answers and the truth. she didn’t expect him to give her the truth. she did some digging and did not like what she saw. in the heat of her anger and rage, she did what her heart told her to do: destroy his rep, manhood, and any chances of having any relationship.

    but of course, remorse sets in and she finds herself alone, sad, and bitter. a repeat performance is likely to happen if her behavior goes unchecked. she could send a mass email and woman up and apologize and free herself. but that takes a LOT of forgiveness and a willingness to move on.

    my advice (from someone who has hacked into a VM or two in my life) is never forget who you are throughout any relationship. if you are one that is typically jealous, then maybe a relationship with yourself is all you need. but for the rest, always save some for yourself and know that who you are does not change if a man decides to betray your trust. it does not change you and it must not change you…easier said than done. but it is a must if you do not want to waste time stalking someone or having lawsuits filed (he could sue for defamation and/or mental stress). not worth it. get angry but let getting even be your ability to become indifferent…anger suggests you still have some feelings about the person. being indifferent is like saying “eh.”

    work on getting to that point. what has helped me is i refer to all my exes as “previously on the jaymeson jiles’ show..” he was an episode. grow. learn. heal. move on. open for love again.

    jj

  • Mavi

    This has happened to me recently… A scorned woman found my # in her mans phone. She called & told me dirt on him, sent pics of him with various women & suggested I get a AIDS test….sadly I’m a business contact & because of her he lost out on what couldve been a very easy $5000 a month

  • http://www.iriediva.com irie diva

    Yes she was way harsh and way wrong but ur article is a big ol generalisation. I feel slighted. I guess its fair for me then to say “men should chill out with the lies and cheating and hurting”

  • http://www.flyguychronicles.com The Fly Guy

    Irie Diva,

    Yes, it’s very fair for you to say that. Unfortunately, this article only dealt with the aftermath of being hurt. Of course, if a person’s trust was never betrayed, then there would be no reason to be scorned or for me to ever write this article.

    Sadly that’s not the case, which is why we end of having these discussions. At the end of the day, all I’m attempting to say is that when betrayal does occur, one should take a moment to think about how their actions might affect other people before they dive in headfirst.

  • Xenon

    Sadly FG, women almost always act in emotion in such situtions.
    Maturity (if you’re lucky), can save you. I always opt to
    ‘sleep’ on something when I hear/see about it and it has saved
    me so much heartache! May I suggest that this girl could have
    had so much FUN if she had thought it through? She could have met
    up with the ladies and thought of something real SAUCY and put
    him in his place with style *wicked grin*. Oh well, her loss! :D

  • http://www.ebtheceleb.com Eb

    I think there is a maturity issue involved in this type of situation. I have called the other chick back in my day but that definitely isn’t anything I would do right now. Not as a woman that is single. Maybe if I was married…LOL. This chick definitely took it waaay too far and then came off dumb as if she really didn’t care about the dude. Just be real if you didn’t care you wouldn’t have went through all the trouble.

    It’s not completely the woman’s fault though. You never know what someone will do, male or female, when they feel they are being led on. i know crazier stories from men and women than the one you stated above. At this stage in the game there should be no liars when it comes to dating. Just be real with a chick and let her know you are doing your thang. Chances are she is still going to mess with you. That way she can’t get mad and spazz on you because she knows what the deal is.

  • msbliss

    I kno when ur feelings R hurt it takes a lot on ur mental But the Bible is so rite when it said turn the other cheek! U have 2 options when ANYONE hurts u or attempts to 1) Become that person or 2) Be better than that person. In my opinion there is no in between because u might not end up a serial cheater or liar but u absorb all that wrongdoer’s energy when u 1) refuse 2 forgive & 2) Refuse to let go & let God. I notice a lot when women R hurt by a man they feel its okay 2 walk around with a chip on their shoulders & to dog all men. When it comes 2 cheating u should blame women as well because men wouldn’t be such dogs if it was rare 2 find a woman who would participate so eagerly. Its life & we’re all only humans. Stop playing victim & letting a few men steal ur joy.

  • MoneAlicia

    She took it way too far. He was obviously not about anything and based on how she handled it, she’s not too sane either. If she felt the need to hack into his email and he was being a jerk to her, they both needed to just walk away anyway.

  • DB.

    And they were only dating??

    Her foolishness is outshining what that guy did. What is the message she wants to portray? That that certain guy cheated? It’s more emphasized on her being crazy and disrespecting others (did she have to send their nude pics for the world to see??).

    What happened to the good old days? Communication is key, if you feel the need to hack someone to find out if he’s cheating or not… You obviously don’t trust him.

    Just keep it moving, burn his clothes (j/k lol) but don’t drag other along your tour-the-revenge…

  • DJ

    Laughing… it’s low down and dirty HOWEVER, someone had to put ole dude on blast. He was getting away with stealing the cookies and his hand was slapped. As for the ‘other’ women, I believe ole girl was doing them a favor. I wouldn’t go as far as to say she was justified in sending pics and numbers, etc. (for that she needs an a** whopping). Sis played and got played and even though she sounds like she’s through with dude, it’s been my experience that she’ll be right there to take his trifflin’ behind right back. She isn’t fooling anyone; the move was calcualted.

  • bogart4017

    Sure, thats the way to handle it—–ghetto behavior. This is not an R. Kelly video. Have some class about yourself and act your age.

  • Sabur7

    “Hurt people hurt people”
    Simple saying, but one of the most true I’ve heard.

  • HeadMistress

    I’ll agree she took it way too far. My Inner Hacker/Stakeout B*tch was laid to rest in my early twenties – I trust my gut implicitly – but I can certainly understand some women’s need to get that proof positive before they can accept that their man ain’t isht. I can even get with alerting the other women involved if that’s what you feel you need to do but in a RESPECTFUL WAY! Callin them dumb b*tches and sending their info to each other along with their pictures was dead wrong.

    However, (and yes I get the point of the post is about women being able to control themselves even when they’ve been hurt) men (in this case, but “people” in general) need to check their behavior and realize that the shady negative & dishonest isht they do has consequences, it affects others and it will come back to bite them – hence Mavi’s example of dude losing out on a contract worth $5k a month…is lying to get some extra p*ssy really worth all that?

  • Tired

    First and foremost let me say this woman is insane. There is absolutely no way you can or should even attempt to justify her behavior. As a mature adult, no situation warrants such behavior.

    Now, as a man, I’m so sick & tired of women (ESPECIALLY my beautiful black women) always trying to play the victim. Women cheat just as much as men if not more. They just go to greater lengths to cover it up. And at the end of the day, if someone cheats on you, SO THE HELL WHAT. Get over yourself. Unless its your spouse, suck it up, deal with it, move on and quit acting like your world is over. I’m not saying its right, but, man or woman, it happens to everyone at some point in life, whether you find out or not.

  • Nikki Nice

    OMG! I def. agree! I always tell men that I date that same thing! KEEP IT REAL WITH ME! Let me know what you’re truly looking for…let me know that you’re dating other women and that you have no intentions on just being exclusive! As long as you jeeo it real you, the MAN, will never be wrong. If you keep it real and I continue to persue you and I get hurt, it’s all on me.

  • Jane Gerard

    I just got a message from a scorned woman using the exact same words..hell hath no path as a woman scorned..didnt know either what it really meant, she is my boyfriends ex wife and out to harras me hurt me and make my life a living hell, the fact that my boyfriend left her before he got involved with me doesnt matter and she doesnt know me at all..I am aware of her now and watch we I am going..too bad she puts all this energy into hurting me instead of moving on with her life…

  • sick n tired

    Women always make the mistake of going after the other woman and throwing a hissy fit. I see it on that TV show “Cheaters” all the time. It’s misdirected anger. In most cases, the other woman is clueless. I’m all about telling the other women whether it hurts them or not. Men who lie deserve to be exposed. In my case, he had several women friends that once were sexual and bragged about how it was OK because they were his past. Little do they know that they’re friend, at one time or another, was two-faced and shared some pretty private information about them with me just to make me feel bigger and better. Am I a victim? NO. I’m a justice seeker.

  • sick n tired

    Crap. Just realized how old this thread is, so I must be distraught. Never mind.

  • Stevensonkristi

    I was lead down a rosy path of love by a narcissistic bastard..   I didn’t know he was a narcissistic bastard at the time…     No.  Not at all.  He seemed really nice, upstanding, and kind.  He chased me, pursuing a relationship with me..(read “predator”)  he was married at the time but told me he wanted to divorce his wife because he “had lost his love for  her.”  and wanted “real love”.  He “wanted to get it right and knew he could now that he had found me”  He showered me with love, attention, gifts..   I was swept off my feet.  Long story short, we had an affair, and he did indeed divorce his wife.   However…something didn’t seem right with him…but I couldn’t put my finger on it.   One day I did.  I happened to see his email to a former co-worker, reading it, I had chills.  It was sexual in nature…saying how he wanted to remove her panties with his teeth then give it to her from behind.  She had also sent him naked photos of herself.  When I asked him about it…he lied to me.  Said they never had sex,   blah, blah, blah.  Just liked teasing her by mails.  I decided then not to rush into anything with this man…just give him time to see if what he said was true.  Well….no.  He continued to lie, and cheat on me.  I left him and now he is acting like we never loved at all.  Well I guess we didn’t.   I did truly love him and thought we had a relationship…one that lasted 7 years because he constantly professed how much he loved me (he was lying to me to keep me hooked)..  because obviously he did not.  He was just using me for an ego feed and for sex.  He is the biggest asshole I have ever seen.  They say narcissists often end up alone and destitute..  he is on his way.   Good riddance McKee!   But I still am dealing with wanting to hurt him…the way he hurt me. But I won’t go for any revenge at all.  God will take care of that and in ways that I could never imagine.   I guess all I can do is warn other women.   Maybe someone else will teach him a lesson….I just hope I am there to see it cause I’ll be cheering her on the entire way.

  • ReallyReaL

    Message to you, wrong is wrong and more than half of the time whores know that the guy is in a relationship. Yes it’s wrong to hurt others, yet don’t justify the guys action by pointing fingers at the hurt innocent females. Write an article on cheating men this article wouldn’t be possible without the dog.