Living With A Dangerous SecretMar 24th, 2010 | Author: admin | Category: Fly Letters
Dear Fly Guy,
I have a situation. Here goes: I have genital herpes, and have had it for the last 13 years. I am on daily suppression medication and go to regular doctor visits. I contracted it from my live-in boyfriend via oral; he had a cold sore on his lip, performed oral on me and presto! I don’t think a lot of people realize you can get it this way, but I’ve since met another girl who has. Anyways, this guy who is a “friend with benefits” doesn’t know my status. We’ve been “seeing” each other for over 4 years now, and I never told him about my status. I was afraid that I might lose him because he is a keeper, and was ashamed that he would think that I was “dirty.”
Needless to say, we have had unprotected sex during those 4 years, more than once. I feel like crap after each time, but I just don’t know how to tell him. I don’t want to lose him. I know I’m being selfish … extremely selfish. I’ve dated 2 other guys over the years and told both of them after the fact of unprotected sex, and they were both quite understanding. One stated he was initially mad but didn’t really blame me, and understood why I didn’t tell him beforehand. My question is this: how do I, after 4 years tell this “keeper” of my status? No doubt he will be furious and will never want to speak to me again. Please help!
Dear Ms. Secret,
Do me a huge favor and refrain from having sex with this guy until you tell him the truth. You call him a friend with benefits, yet you’re denying him the most important benefit, which is the ability to make a decision with all of the facts. It’s just not fair to knowingly leave that information out—especially while you continue to have unprotected sex with him. If he’s really a keeper, then you need to start acting like it.
Listen; there are far too many people knowingly exposing others to STDs, and it’s time we all worked together to put an end to that dangerous trend … starting with you. Now that you’ve committed the act, you have to step up and face the music. If he decides that he no longer wants to be with you, then that’s his choice. But if he does leave, then you just have to live with it.
Truth is, there’s no special way to break the news to him … I just pray that you do it. And if you can’t find the words, then write him a letter. The important thing is to get it out in the open—regardless of the method. Whatever he decides, I promise you’ll feel much better once that weight is off of your shoulders. It’s time to do the right thing.
The Fly Guy
Enjoy this article? If so, share it with a friend and subscribe to the Fly Guy Chronicles RSS feed.