STDs: The Valentine Gift That No One Wanted

Feb 15th, 2010 | Author: admin | Category: Fly Perspectives
Comments (5)

I will never forget her name. It was Jai Miller*. In my mind, she was the perfect woman: beautiful, smart, funny … in short, she epitomized the prototype André 3000 so often sang about. Of course, we were only 16 at the time of our initial encounter, but that didn’t matter. In my pubescent mind, Jai was hands down the crème de la crème.

As study partners in math class, there was always this unspoken tension between us. Sadly, that tension would never be released. Why, you may ask? Well, before I ever got the chance to make my move, our resident football star convinced Jai that he was the man of her dreams. Even at that tender age, she was so sure that he would one day be her future husband. She then tried to act on that belief by offering him the purest Valentine gift she had to offer … her virginity.

I’ll never know how magical that night was for them … nor do I care to know. All I can attest to is the aftermath. A month later, the happy couple was no more, and all that Jai was left with was a broken heart and the herpes she contracted on that fateful night. For an evening that was initially meant to seal a lifelong bond between the two of them, she only walked away regret, and a life filled with prescription medications to treat her outbreaks.

But Jai’s story plays out all too often on Valentine’s Day. As a society, we tend to get so caught up in the commercialized lust of the day, only to lose sight of safety in the process. We fail to realize that one moment of weakness can lead to a lifetime of suffering.

So how can we avoid situations like this? For starters, we can work to limit our sexual partners. In doing so, we greatly decrease the likelihood of being exposed to diseases. In conjunction with the limiting of sexual partners, regular testing should also be instituted — by both parties. And finally, condom use has to become a sexual necessity, not an option.

Now I apologize if it seems like I’m preaching to the choir. That’s certainly not my intention. We’re all adults here, and have been engaging in STD prevention conversations for years — probably as early as my high school years with Jai. But just like her, the smartest people can allow emotions to block their ability to use logic. Even some of today’s biggest celebrities aren’t immune to poor sexual decision making. Just check out this list of celebs rumored to have contracted herpes.

Male Celebrities:
Bill Clinton
Derek Jeter
Brad Pitt
Michael Vick
Robin Williams
Dennis Rodman
Colin Farrell
Jason Kidd

Female Celebrities:
Janet Jackson
Mariah Carey
Sheryl Crow
Joumana Kidd
Paris Hilton
Britney Spears

In the end, I hope this all serves as a cautionary tale when embracing love on Valentine’s Day and beyond. By all means, pursue it wholeheartedly. But please, exercise caution … –dewayne rogers

*Not her real name.

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  • http://www.twitter.com/5ub5ero T B

    very good post fly guy.its discerning to see so many ppl carelessly engaging in unprotected sex, as if they are ignorant to the facts of pregnancies and std\sti’s…..its also glad to see that no matter the economic status, celebrities are also human and may have the same conditions many of us normal ppl face. i wish america would also stop being ignorant to these conditions, the stigma that has developed makes living with an std\sti worse than it has to be. if only these celebrities who have these would pour their time and money into research and awareness….wishful thinking

  • http://twitter.com/lerinm1 luv

    It is very important to be open and completely honest about your status on every level of your health with your significant other. I know someone who hid it from his girlfriend for two years and she only found out be cause she found his Valtrex bottle! Yeah the relationship is over and she has it!

    I have a question….If you were involved with a young lady and she dropped the “I have herpes” bomb on you, how would you handle it? This is before you two have engaged in any sexual activity?

  • onenmilgirl

    Ok, flyguy here goes..since we are on the topic of std’s im gonna add my two cents. I was diagnosed with herpes january 2008. Like so many people I wondered how me? I had been careful, I didn’t have several partners. What I did have was a close relationship with a friend who then became my boyfriend. I had never practiced unprotected but here I was. I decided to become knowledgeable as I was then a nursing student..now im an rn. Truth is 1 in 4 people have genital or even facial herpes..it is not only contracted by unprotected sex..in fact the virus sheds so it can be contracted by close skin to skin contact at any time, even when you don’t have an outbreak. Us, african americans have a huge number of herpes in our community. My best advice coming from someone with this experience is testing. I have told all my boyfriends since my diagnosis before sex and both were very understanding and accepting.I do it because everyone should still have a choice if they want to take that risk. But I take it as everyone has something flawed and I’ve found love regardless of my diagnosis. Great post flyguy!

  • http://www.flyguychronicles.com The Fly Guy

    I’m glad you shared, and I’m glad that you take that stance with partners…the fact that you share upfront is important. So many people don’t and that’s a problem. We should all be given a choice when it comes to things that like…unfortunately, that doesn’t always happen.

  • msbliss

    Hmmmmmm…std/sti are always going 2 be around & no one is above catching them. BUT with that said, condoms, testing, & self respect go a long way. I caught something (curable thank God) but I wore a condom Everytime & that’s the most hurtful thing about it. I never went unprotected but I was infected. I will say though 2 people, men & women, Don’t sleep with some1 w/o knowing their status! And its not all about cheating cause u can get infected by an ex & pass it on 2 ur new boo. Know each other status & show each other the results. Could you imagine how lower infection rates would be if even 85% of couples did that?