Is He Full Of It?
Feb 22nd, 2010 | Author: The Fly Guy | Category: Fly Letters
Comments (39)
**Note: This letter is lengthy.
_____________________
Dear Fly Guy,
I met a really nice guy a few months ago through a reputable dating site, and we have been emailing and conversing ever since. He works 11:30am to 8pm Mon-Fri so I call the company that he works for, and they call him to the phone. He also calls me several times throughout the day. But as soon as 8pm comes I don’t hear from him or even get a text for the rest of the night. It’s as if he literally is a ghost and disappears; it’s the same for the weekend. I talk to him all throughout the day Friday, but when 8pm hits, I don’t get a call or a text or anything from him until Monday at 11:30am sharp as soon as he gets to his job … this is like clockwork.
Now I can understand during the week maybe not speaking to me after he gets off, because we talk throughout most of the day. But on the weekends, he claims he just likes to do his own thing such as catch up on sleep, play video games, or hang out with his best friend.
I have never been to his house. He lives in NY, and says he rents a room in this house that another family lives in. I tried to send him a package one time, but he said since the family is not supposed to be renting out the space, he can’t receive mail there. He then told me to send it to his grandmother’s house. One time, he told me he was going to dinner with his sister and grandmother, but I found out that he went and met up with a girl to go see a movie.
The last straw was recently when he told me he was going to spend a weeklong vacation with his older sister. The first thing he said to me was he was leaving on the 10th and won’t be able to call me, because he doesn’t get good cell phone service up that far up in NY. I mean are you kidding me? His sister doesn’t have a landline that he could call me from?! So I did not hear from him the entire 7 days, and that really pissed me off. I understand he wanted to spend time on his vacation with his family, but we’re supposed to be dating or getting to know each other. He didn’t have the common courtesy to call me once. Fly Guy really???
No matter how tired you are on the weekends, if that is your time off, and you really like a girl, you would call her and make plans, right? I told him he treats me like a job—like he only wants to talk to me during business hours. I really have no idea what he did during the week of his vacation, but he did inform me he wouldn’t have good cell service a couple of days, and that is exactly what happened. As I’m typing this it sounds like he’s full of BS, but when I confront him on these things, he always has an answer for everything. We live in different cities, and haven’t met in person yet, so I can understand if he’s seeing other women.
Maybe he has been truthful up to this point, because if he lived with a girl he would have to know that I would eventually want to come to his house. So I’m thinking he is just dating other girls … but why be so blatant and sloppy with it? I mean does it appear that I have stupid across my forehead? I just want to figure out if he’s really been lying about his personal life … I only know where he works.
Maybe I should ask him for his home address, and suggest visiting him there just to see if he gives it to me? If not, then I’ll know he lives with a woman. I planned on meeting him face to face soon, but he’s just been acting funny. As a man, what do you think is really going on? Am I wasting my time? Should I even be mad, because I am not his girlfriend? At this point it just feels like he’s playing games with me.
Ms. S
Dear Ms. S,
Your letter was pretty long, so I’ll keep my answer simple and to the point … this guy is married. Period. And the family that he’s renting a room from is his real family. That’s all I have to say on this one. I trust that you know what your next move should be.
The Fly Guy
(3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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AMEN and ditto! Good luck girl! Don’t waste anymore of your precious time on this!
didn’t even have to finish the letter to know that all that was BS… when he gave her the story about not beinig able to receive mail bc of blah, blah, blah…. BULLSHI*T.
leave it alone.. nothing more to say.. no closure needed… move on. PERIOD
Got to agree with Fly Guy. Really? Really Really?
So married.
Like you said yourself sweetie…. As YOURE TYPING THIS, he seems so full of it. You’re instincts are right ON POINT, but for some reason you want to give him the benefit of the doubt??? NEVER doubt yourself honey… Seek to be understanding WHEN NECESSARY but protect your heart.
MARRIED OR NOT HE DOESNT CARE ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS…. now add the lies and BS plus the 99% probability that he is married and you got your walking papers! YOU’LL BE OK! and don’t use this experience as a measuring stick as this was a wayyyyyy out example!!! Good luck sweetie!
He’s just not that into her. Kick him to the curb.
OMG it’s clear as day that he is married! Leave him alone.
Perhaps you could have found a guy that was more…..AVAILABLE?
Yeah so Third, that was a bit condescending. He is married. Let this be a lesson. You have intuition for a reason so listen to it. I hope you drop him and don’t stick around for him lame excuses because he will come with some.
LOL….Sorry Bella…..I hate stupidity and ignorance, especially when it comes to relationships.
What is so hard about finding a SINGLE man or woman to be with? I used to ride with that old adage that it’s human nature to want what we can’t have, but at least for me…..I NEVER found a woman that was married/involved/just fucking/already dating someone else attractive enough to pursue. I don’t wreck homes and I certainly am not a hater.
Lol, so true Fly Guy- MARRIED!!!
This is crazy. I think my 10 year old niece would know ole boy was married. You need to really open your eyes and get a clue or life is going to be long and hard for you.
MARRIED LIKE S#%$ !!!!!
Maybe she scared him away….
Ran him off 2 his wife.!!!!!!!
Wow! Amazing that she thinks she dating a guy she has never met and wasting so much energy on him. On top of that mailing him packages??? When will women learn that if a man wants to see you or talk to you he will make time no matter what he has going on. As women we need to be more cautious with online dating….get to know the person and trust your instincts. If something seems off chances are it is!
THANK YOU!!!!
I DIG THIS ALL DAY…I HOPE SOMEONE IS LISTENING.
So obvious dude is either married or shackin with a long time lover. I wouldn’t date a man @any online site anyway because 2 me they all have some1 in their “real life”. That stuff is a easy way 4 men(&women) 2 creep. By the time I finished proof reading this letter I would have answered all my own ?’S if I were u :)
Sooooooooooooooooooooo M.A.R.R.I.E.D!!!!! Would you like that on a big BILLBOARD, perhaps somewhere where you can see it when you go to call him during “working hours”???? :-) Seriously though – let this one go honey and learn from it :)
He obviously does not have a phone outside of work.
He does have a cell phone and when I call it, it after he gets off from work or on the wknd it goes to voicemail. I’m a little embarrassed that Fly Guy posted my question, but also needed to hear what everyone’s advice was!
UPDATE!!!! I called dude on Saturday and of course it went to voicemail!!! I left him a lengthy message on it telling him that I’m over the disappearing act, I’m not stupid and I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, N he didn’t return my call for two weeks after that message I left! Seems totally guilty to me, because if not he would have called me right back etc. smh needless to say, I didn’t answer his call when it came. Still kinda sad about it, but not sure if he’s married, But it is obvious that he has someone he is dating, living with etc. either way, #ontothenextone right?
thanks everyone and fly guy
OOH so he does have a cell phone even though you’ve already figured it out ( thank goodness) of course he was playing some kind of game…good riddance to him and good luck in your next relationship.
thanks Kendra! yea, he left a voicemail talking about he heard my message and it made him upset etc (why it upset him was prolly cuz I was speakin the truth lol and he ain’t know what to do next) and why would it take TWO weeks to return my call? I figure it took him that long to come up with some elaborate story or more lies and excuses to explain his behavior and I have not called back! lol Instead of calling me back the next day it was two weeks with no word. (obviously he was tryna figure out how to continue the scheme) I’m over the BS
i have a ? for ya’ll………I was doing the thing-thing with this guy, and he asked me to turn on the light and I did, then dude starts recording us without my permiss!!! So I freeze up then I felt like Oh o.k. I’m just a jump off to him!! so i felt really disrespected, and hurt so I left. A lil background…..he and I have been “buddyS” since last July, but I have genuine feelings for him, and i told him this, but he does not “want to be in a relationship!!” so i took it for what is was worth. B/C I respect his honesty, I froZe b/c of my past sexual violations. The night all this went down(recording) he kept calling me/txing me feeling bad. I told him that i guess he just sees me as a jump off!! He’s says that this is not true…..but if it’s not true; then y would he just start recording a intimate moment between us and not even ask for my permiss and think that it’s cool? He says that i am more to him than just a jump off, he says that he values our friendship more that anything and i beleve him. can somebody help me out. I need ur advice 3rd!!!
@ Cali
You rang?
Sounds like this dude was just using you to fulfill his fantasy of gettin’ some on camera. At least he could have asked you first…..And that statement about him valuing your friendship is likely false since he decided to become a documentary filmmaker without your permission.
Give him a chance to explain himself, though. If you don’t like what he’s saying….find a man that actually cares about your feelings.
Thx 3rd….. here’s the thing though dude tried 2 explain but i was like whateva man! So he was feelin all willy nilly (and he should have been feelin that way), i told him i did not want to make him feel bad, then the next night i ask could he talk then he’s like no, but my thing is i was the 1 that was wronged, but now he’s acting all funny style. So ur comment was dead on!! Thx again. Guess ima b solo for quite a minute.. plz respond@peterson91@hotmail.com.
What I always find amazing is how a woman will put in MAD work and invest all their time to get a man that’s no good for whatever reason, yet won’t do anything close to that for a GOOD man.
let it go girl…
Seriously Third… Please stop with the “women like thugs and don’t look at the good guy”-complot theory. It’s getting old.
I like visiting the Fly Guy (although it’s been awhile that there has been a new post… or maybe I should be more patient lol) and I understand where you’re coming from (yes, I’ve read your previous comments as well)… but now I’m starting to think that your problems have more to do with your attitude towards women.
The socalled thugs (atleast some) have good tendencies/qualities (they must have something for us to be attractive towards them) and the socalled good guys usually wait too long (don’t get me wrong, I’m a kind of girl that also likes to take action and doesn’t wait for the guy to ask me out… if I’m really into him)/ are too shy/ aren’t exciting enough (exciting in the terms of spontaneous/funny etc etc… not in the sense of thuggish things). As a women it’s hard to see who is a good guy and whose a socalled thug (you can’t never know for sure just based on their appearance). Some women like thugs for being thugs… but hey, if they like it rough… then it’s on them.
Sheeeeeshhhh, my first post on The Fly Guy Chronical and it’s about my frustation on your comment. I usually like reading your comments Third of August but if I’m reading the same thing over and over and over and over and over and… (get my drift?) over again in a different post… then it starts to get irritating. Seriously… stop it! lol. What I’m saying is more a advice, don’t generalize women because some you’ve met or seen made some mistakes… Maybe you should start to expand your horizon, because it sounds like you haven’t met the good women that this world has to offer (yeahh… they do exist).
For the record, I for one do not like thugs (it’s not that hard to believe that some women don’t like thugs).
By the way, Fly Guy, I really like your site! I’ve never really commented on anything. Guess there’s always a first time for everything ;)
But as I’m commenting anyway: (on topic) @ Ms. S, I’m glad you’re over that BS!
@ DB
Without turning this into an argument, I will respectfully address your post.
You claimed that I generalize women based on my past experiences with them. Well….what else do I have to base my opinion off of? Funny how everyone I meet online says there are good women out there, yet I’m out there NOT SEEING those results stack up to what people online tell me. I’m out there getting passed up every single time by these so-called good women as we type. Sure, I could put on my rosy shades and act like things were better, but for me, they aren’t. I tried that already. I ended up looking like a fool anyway….just with pink shades on. My point is….I can’t believe something that I have yet to actually see live in action. Kind of like UFO’s.
And why do all nice guys have to be shy and passive? Why are all thugs exciting and interesting? Those sound like two generalizations of your own right there.
As far as expanding my horizons…..I’m currently living on the other side of the world in Korea. Can’t really expand them much further than that. And let me be the first to tell you….Korean women think the same of me as Black women do….They just have a harder time telling me so.
@Third
You’re right about basing your opinion on your past experiences BUT you should learn from the mistakes that has happened in the past (I’m not saying that you made a mistake, but the past should be a learning expercience). You’re saying that, although everyone online says that good women do exist, you still haven’t seen any result. Well, funny thing is that you can never tell who qualifies as a ‘good’ woman, therefore you have to get to know them (I said the same thing about men in my previous post… From the outside point of view it’s easy to assume whose a “nice” guy/women but you can’t base a thug or a nice guy by their appereance… some thug-look-a-likes might be the sweetest person you’ll ever meet and treat you with respect etc and vice versa with the nice guy). When it comes to love, people tend to put/keep their guard up.
I’ve never said that thugs are exciting, in my post I said USUALLY nice/good guys aren’t exciting enough (and NOT in the sense of thuggish behavior).
But after awhile -when you get to know each better- the nice guy turns out be more exciting and interesting IMO (I like men with drive and ambition… and 9 times out of 10 the “nice” guy has it).
BTW With expanding your horizon, I meant your point of view/a different -more positive- mindset (and no, not by putting rose shades on), not literally travel all over the world.
Stay open-minded and try not to let it get to you.
The socalled good women who already have passed you by, missed their opportunity to get with you. But if you continue to judge (maybe I’m reaching, but it seems like you’re judging) women on your previous experiences then you’re going to miss your opportunity to get with a good/nice woman.
Didn’t mean to offend you nor give you a lecture, but sometimes you sound sooooo negative.
@ DB
The only thing I’ve learned from my past failures is that maybe I might be the problem. It’s hard to learn how to win when all you have encountered is losing. (Sports analogy there.)
So if women such as yourself find men with ambition and drive attractive in the long run….here’s my next question. Why is it that guys with “long run” qualities have to get left out in the cold while Mr. I Don’t Wanna Be Shit In Life gets all the play right now? Are there not any women capable of that level of maturity beforehand?
I’m trying my hardest to be open minded about this topic, but it seems like the game is dead stacked against good men succeeding.
@ Third,
I’ll try to keep it short (because we’re getting off topic on this post) and hopefully the following makes sense:
Men in general get turned down a lot by women. But the socalled thugs/ good-for-nothing men chase after more women. The second a woman doesn’t give him glimpse, he’ll be hollering at another woman (yes, I’m exaggerating but still…). See it as statistics, let’s say the chance that a guy gets with a female is 15% (= random percentage). In a room full with 100 ladies, a thug tries to approach 30? 40? maybe even more? there is a chance that he will end up with one of them. The nice guy approaches 4 maybe 5 ladies in the same room and the chance that he will end up with one potential good woman is small compared to the thug unless he had a tight gameplan (yes, I’m exaggerating again, I know…). So the thug always seems to have somebody, because he keeps on chasing.
For the record, I’m not trying to promote nice guys to turn into players or whatever.
Thugs also have drive and ambition; they want to get rich, do this, do that, etc etc etc. So before some women discover that the “level of maturity” of that thug is different than what they’re looking, it’s too late (she might have fallen in love or gets labelled as a typical woman who will do anything for a thug but won’t look at a nice guy). So to your question if women are capable to know the level of maturity (e.g. drive and ambition) of a nice guy beforehand: Some are. Others not so much. (depending on the guy and situation ofcourse)
By the way I might be (I might? I mean… I am …lol) generalizing in this post but that’s because I don’t feel this is the right post to elaborate it > we’re getting off-topic on what FG posted. Also it’s hard to get deep on this because we can’t describe a “good/nice” guy/woman. It depends on preferences etc etc. (expect for the standard aspects like respectful etc etc etc)
Even though I’m not attracted to thugs, I’m don’t know why I’m defending this lol. You´re putting me in a defence-mode and all I wanted to say was: don’t hang on the past and don’t give up > be persistent if the situation is right.
I tried to keep it short… o well. I do find it an interesting discussion (lol… and it all started out of frustration)
@ DB
So what if good situations and chances to get over bad experiences are limited? That’s what I’m going through right now. It would be one thing if great opportunities came around often enough to take my mind off of the bad ones….But that’s not the case.
Hard to keep an open mind when real-life circumstances are preventing that. But it appears as if you at least understand where I was coming from. Most people just write me off as another angry Black man without ever actually getting to know the whole story.
HAHAHA THIS IS AS REVEALING AS DAY IN ITSELF !! AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO THINKS THIS GUY IS IN JAIL ????!!!!!!! OR IN SOME SORT OF LOCKDOWN FACILITY !!! HAHAHA NAIVE WOMAN ..THIS DUDE AINT MARRIED !..
YOU DONT NEED TO BE A ROCKET SCIENTIST TO FIGURE THIS ONE OUT !..AS SOON AS I READ THE FIRST AND LAST SENTENCES ..BAM ! IT HIT ME..DUDE IS IN THE CAN !..THINK ABOUT IT..SHE’S NEVER MET WITH HIM FACE TO FACE..PHONE CALLS MON – FRI..VERY STRICT TIMES..HAHAHA GULLIBLE WOMAN..IF I MET SOMEONE..AND I WANTED TO TALK TO HER OVER THE WEEKEND OR IN THE EVENINGS..OH I WILL !! I’LL FIND A WAY !..EXCEPT I’M IN JAIL THAT IS !!!..I THINK SOMEONE NEEDS TO GO FOR CONJUGAL VISITS !
Lmao @ you Derrick,
and you make a lot of since. i didnt even think about that. then again i dont have a lot of friends in jail so i wouldnt have even came up with that good idea. because even married men slip up and call from a block number some how or a pay phone on the way home…kickin it with the fellas ” Ay man can i borrow ya phone ill block the number so…”
hope she catches on because that made complete since… :) *Kanya Shrugg *
@Derrick !@NaturaLly JaY
LMAO! No he’s not in jail… (but maybe a half way house I never thought of that) I call him and he calls me from the company he works for, so I know for a fact he’s not in jail. I have spoken to his boss and co workers many of times BUT WAIT! when you’re in a half-way house (you ain’t allowed to have or use cell phones) so maybe once he leaves work that is why I don’t hear from him on week nights or wknds. I had a friend who could only call me when they weren’t in the halfway house soooo maybe he is just in some sort of work release program or halfway house! BUT either way, why would you want someone to think you was married with kids vs. at the halfway house! lol I gave him several times to fess up and somethin just isn’t right, though he says he’s not married and has no kids, he could be in a half-way house! DUHHH but shiiit that is nothing to hide. smh I still don’t know ya’ll really seem to be on the right track with that :)
@ Ms.S,
Lol now ya talkin. I mean maybe he doesnt want you to know that he has a bad past. Im not a guy so i cant tell you why men lead you or dont tell you whats up. i mean he could be with a family but again if he was he would still call you from some kind of pay phone but if he dont call at ALL but when he is at work then yea Half way house..some kind of Lock Down is going on….lol or we can think positive and just say hey he doesnt have a phone and he is tight on cash …. lol…Good luck.