Has Society Ruined Our Chances At Love?
Feb 18th, 2010 | Author: The Fly Guy | Category: Fly Features
Comments (8)
I’ve always done my best to support dope writers, and this moment is no different. Our featured writer for today has crafted a very honest response to Hollywood’s role in the stunted growth of positive, healthy relationships. Enjoy her words, and when you’re done, make sure you support the writer.
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Written by: Heather G
Society has played a huge role in our lives since the moment we were born. I can remember watching the videos back in the 80’s and admiring the gorgeous women strutting their long legs and mini skirts across the screen; so much so that I decided to pursue modeling myself. But has media ruined our perception of love and the value of a relationship… the sanctity of marriage? We have powerhouses like P. Diddy promoting sex, lust, and Ciroc, but what would happen if Diddy put the bottle down and campaigned for healthy relationships and marriage before babies? Imagine that, “P. Diddy for Partnerships and Parenting!” I know it may sound lame, but let’s face it; Diddy could sell water to a well so surely people would listen. I know some of you are thinking, “He didn’t follow that protocol himself,” but has it occurred that we could learn from his mistakes? I know what it is though… Ciroc pays and reality does not! What a shame! But MY point is this: Just because Usher ‘Reinvented Sex’ and Justin Timberlake ‘Brought Sexy Back,” it does NOT mean that this is a true vision of how life works. We are so caught up on portraying what we see on television and looking for the “perfect man or woman” (based on that perception) that we may pass up the things that truly matter like loyalty and trust. We say we want a loyal and trusting partner, but when we set out to date, we gravitate towards the total opposite of what we feel we may need. Why is that? Think about it; would it be wise to date a Terrell Owens if you needed stability? Would it be smart to date a Lil Wayne if he is blatantly telling you he wants to “F*ck every girl in the World?” Uhh, the answer is obviously N-O!
Sometimes I wish we could go back to the old school. I wish that we had more wholesome families in the forefront like our First Family, The Obamas. I wish more people took a chance on potential. I wish swag didn’t make the man, and I certainly wish that finances didn’t take precedence. But reality is, in this day and time, these things matter! This is when reasoning comes into play because finances and status should not be the ONLY criteria. Know what you want. With maturity, comes experience and with that experience comes the things you want and need. Can your potential partner fill that position? If they can’t, can they learn to? Who is going to have your back if the chips fall down?
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Did you agree with Heather G’s perspective? Or did you think she was totally off base? Share your opinion below.
Oh, and while you’re at it, make sure you visit her website by clicking here.
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Heather G has many good points. What goes on in larger society does affect and influence us all at the individual level. Mass media outlets, which are becoming much more integrated into every facet of modern life, constantly bombard us with unrealistic images that many of us try to imitate. But this is nothing new. We just notice it more today because there is more media.
But beyond that, I think there’s something else to consider–not everybody wants the same thing. Yes, many people chase after a love that doesn’t exist, built on the exaggerated images we see on TV and in the movies and music. But the truth is that there are some, though few, who live this lifestyle. Problems arise, however, when people are led to mislabel what it is they actually want, so they end up pursuing the wrong things.
It is just as dangerous for society to portray the fast life, multiple partners, and money-over-bitches mentality as the standard as it is to push the “wholesome family” lifestyle on everyone. The fact is that we would all be better off if we were taught to listen to ourselves and determine what’s important to us individually, instead of trying to conform to the trends of larger society.
I speak as an attractive, educated, professional black woman with no children and that’s never been married. Society says many things about what my values are, what they should be, who I tend to end up with, and who I should actually be looking for. But I’ve learned to ignore them all and be true to myself.
The bottom line is this: being true to self requires knowing yourself and acting on your personal truth. In the absence of such self affirmation, society will fill in the blanks for you. We are each responsible.
Agreed.
I agree with many of her points. Many people chase what they are conditioned to want and desire. It’s like being in high school when peer pressure was the ‘it’ thing and everyone liked the popular person because everyone thought they were cute and fine.
Fast forward 10 years and people start to branch out the latter years in college. They gravitate toward their own idea of what they like. Hopefully with maturity it continues but often times it does not. People do not want to defend their choices, they want others to accept it – if they are mature enough to admit it to begin with.
I had to check myself on that recently. We are not all after the same things in life just like every puzzle piece does not fit together. But if mainstream valued more morals and family values you best believe the rest of society would as well. I thought the first family would start to change that but I guess it is a more gradual change than a few years. Convos like this is a start!
I don’t think that society has ruined ourt perception, but the entertainment industry does contribute and influence our thoughts and actions in some ways and for some more than others. Much of what the industry puts out there is biased, distorted, & unrealistic, so the effects of that won’t be completely positive for our interactions. However, I think that our real life, day-to-day examples and socializations have a bigger impact.
Great post and excellent writing!
Definitely agree.
I’ve found myself pulling away from all the reality shows I used to spend hours watching and tivoing. None of these shows, the Kardashians, the Love series on VH1, Real Housewives, represent wholesome and healthy families. The kids are clearly victims of thier parents and then their own need for fame. The husbands are emasculated. The women are trashy.
It just doesn’t appeal to me anymore nor do I want to find myself sheepishly emulating any of these trends.
Nothing but perception and the unpopular truth spoken here. Heather G’s perception reminds me of a new female acquaintance I was interested in. The moment I saw that she “professed love” for a Lil Wayne being sent off to prison changed my whole perspective of her. It’s like the whole pursuit of decent and dignified relationships has been replaced with acquiescence to corrupted and morally bankrupting people and experiences.
I totally agree with heather g comments. I hate the world is now, its all about a certain type of guy and woman cry about them having enough good guys out here. Woman only want men for sex reallly, that’s the problem, with my mandingo I could fuck any bitch in the world except for mayb 5%, which is fucked up.
Feminists and mass media have destroyed the once-cherished institution of court ship and love.
Today, women are so hopelessly shallow and materialistic, the chances of a man finding love that amounts to anything of real substance is highly unlikely.
Dr. Morlenheim