Do Black Men Prefer Dominican Women Over American Women?
Feb 11th, 2010 | Author: The Fly Guy | Category: Fly Perspectives
Comments (115)
My recent admission that I was headed on a trip to the Dominican Republic prompted a familiar refrain among black women. “Why are you going over there?” “I read the article in Essence, so I know what you guys do over there.” “All black men want is sex, and it’s a shame they have to fly to another country to get it.” And on and on it went.
My first reaction was to throw the argument right back in their face by asking, “So why do black women go to Jamaica?” To me, the whole Dominican argument is a double standard if you’re going to run to another country and do the exact same thing. And it’s not like black women can deny it after placing it on the big screen, and turning Stella into some sort of national hero for “getting her groove back.”
But that type of back and forth argument gets old quick. So instead of engaging in it, I wanted to personally speak with the black American men on the island to get a clearer picture as to why they really traveled to the Dominican Republic. What I found was a group of men who found some basic qualities in the island women that they just weren’t getting at home. It was less about sex, and more about the mindset of the women. Below is a sampling of what they had to say.
“It’s a respect thing with me. Black women in America are so busy trying to compete with you that they have forgotten how to be wives and girlfriends. The women here in D.R. are a lot more mindful of that. They work hard to make sure that they are good to their men. I just don’t see that in American black women anymore, and when I do, they throw it in our face every five minutes.” ~Richard, engineer
“It’s simple for me; Dominican women live by a basic principle: do right by your man, because if you don’t, another woman will. I came down here on a trip with some buddies, and after I returned to New York, I broke up with my girlfriend. I was just tired of her pretending like she was really doing something in our relationship. The women down there were cooking, cleaning and doing whatever else they could to make their man happy. Meanwhile, I could count the number times on one hand that my girl had lifted a finger to clean up. That’s not me being sexist; that’s me recognizing that certain women in the world are going the extra mile to make sure their man is comfortable. As a man, if you want me to take care of certain things, then you have to do the same. Dominican women understand that.” ~ Cliff, photographer
“After working hard all day, I honestly don’t want to hear a lot of the talk that I have to hear from the black women that I deal with in the states. It’s always a conversation that I don’t really feel like having. In D.R., the women are more laid back, and they respect the sanctity of your manhood. They give you your space to be a man, and I respect that.” ~Lewis, attorney
**There’s so much that can be digested from their thoughts. So let’s not belabor the moment … Do the men have a point? Or are they just blowing smoke to justify their actions? Vote below and then join the discussion.
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Yes, black women have difficulty letting men be men. Because of the messed up power dynamic and so many women not having had fathers to show them what is man is/how to treat one, we sometimes need to be taught. That requires a patient man who values and believes in us enough to care and learn and grow together. Now, I’m not speaking of worthless “ain’t sh*t” chickenheads. But good women who are a little too “independent”, you dig?
But it seems like black men have forgotten that relationships require work, patience, and compromise. They can seem so, “Everyone else wants me, so I don’t have to take this sh*t”. And we won’t even address the whole obsession with “exotic” women, and their physical traits being more desirable than those of black women. But in general, I just get sick of hearing stuff like this. Not all black women are domineering and lazy. If you really wanted to be with one, cut the one who is loose and find another. There are good black women who respect manhood out there. I know, because I’m one.But if you choose to go pursue Dominican women, fine. Just say it’s because it’s what you WANTED to do. Not what we DROVE you to with our shortcomings. The way I see it, black women AND men have a lot of work to do to repair our relations … But so often it seems that black men forget the sacrifices/compromises that WE make to be with them, i.e. less education, sometimes more promiscuous sexual backgrounds, etc. Like/Love/Screw who you want. But don’t be a coward about it. Stand up and say, “This is what I like,” without having to justify it in our shortcomings.
I am an African-American woman and I have never been so ashamed of black men. Some of them are so incredibly stupid, it is just stunning. They will call me a gold-digger if I want to go to Mickey D’s, but fly across bodies of water to pay to have sex with women because they are light skinned and have “that good hair” all because they “let a man be a man.” Why do you need my permission, or anyone’s permission to be what you are? Who are you trying to fool? Who are you lying to? Me? Why? Of course, the biggest lies one tells are the ones they tell to themselves.
I beg to differ with a lot that has been said on this site. My man use to go to the D.R. before we met. Yes the women are beautiful and yes the sex maybe good but how much are the brothers paying for it. He’s told me how it is there. The women may treat you good but for mucho dinero. That”s how it is in the D.R. for our brothers and in Jamaica for our sisters….yes I know because I was one of those sisters. The guys in Jamaica, like the women in the Dominican Republic treat you real good and make you feel real special however you must give up the duckies. Any brother or sister that says they are not paying he is lying. Both me and my man have found each other and have gotten off that ride. He appreciates me and I do the same.
while i’ve never had the desire to date a domincan woman, i would but it wouldn’t be for the reasons noted by the men who gave their opinions. it would be because that individual and i fit well together. there are black women who cater to their men (when they deserve it) and i be their are some dominican women who aren’t as cracked up as you make it seem. i don’t think people should generalize women or men based on race. *shrug*
I can’t vote “Absolutely” nor “These guys are full of shit” because I can see where they’re coming from on certain things and on other things I can not… As an African American woman, I’ve come to the conclusion that black men (somewhere along the lines of time) have turned into pussies. I’m a huge believer in doing unto others as I’d like them to do unto me. With that being said, I don’t mind cooking, massaging, listening, giving space, etc. to keep my man happy because I too desire these things from him. Black men want the qualities of a wife WITHOUT the commitment. A black man wants his woman to cook, clean, massage and have unprotected sex with him for damn near a year before he even decides to make her his GIRLFRIEND. I hate to sound like the typical woman who “clowns” our brothers because society does enough of that but black men have really got to STEP IT UP! Look at all the athletes who have recently been getting caught up with their jumpoffs… ALL OF THEM ARE BLACK… And all of them have been ratted out by non-black women. In my opinion, black men run to the other races because they know they can have sex with their friends and take naked pictures of them to show to their friends and that non-black woman will still cook, clean, massage and have sex with him unprotected… I don’t know a lot of black women who will do that. Once again, I hate to down the brothers because society does that enough but black men have got to step it up. I’ve recently started dating outside the race and I must admit it has been a completely different experience. The men I’ve dated have been predominantly white and they are much more mature than most black men. They aren’t afraid to ask a woman they are attracted to to be their girlfriends and since they’ve all been blessed with being raised in a two-parent home, they value love and marriage and recognize the significance of raising children IN wed-lock… Unlike most black families… I hate to say these things, but it’s the truth.
i find that the last couple sentences of your post very interesting in that it explains in detail the “Plight of the black male” yet does not express a certain compassion for the situation we are dealing with. yes most black males were raised in a single family house-hold, which also leads to other behaviors you had also mention but keep in mind the tone that u decide to use when expressing these opinions. like most black families who live in the ghetto or hood, are to poor to afford certain things like weddings and college, who deal with being black in this soceity and the ripple effects, fighting that battle to “STEP UP OUR COLLECTIVE GAME” is a little bit more difficult than just saying it. just painting a picture here but alot of men are thrown out into the world expected to hold everything on his shoulders, job, house, car, just being a man and having to play the part of pillar of the family is abit more difficult to maintain than a white guy who has his college paid for by parents, doesnt have to worry about his living expenses before he gets to college, has a job line up for him after he graduates, and at the top of all this you have to understand that that white guy you are dating is reaping the rewards of a few hundred years of racism and social restructuring to put a certain racial group on top in society.
To the “sista” that said our brothers, well I hate to say this but You ain’t my sista or sister. I know that is wrong in the eyes of God but How about I say all “SISTAS” ARE PUNKS? How about I down grade you because you are black? I have black relatives. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes but time and time again WOMEN DON’T WANT TO TAKE RESPONSIBLITY FOR THEIR OWN MISTAKES. AND THAT MY “SISTA” IS REAL. Unless you are God unless you WALK ON WATER AND CAN DO MIRACLES, I DON’T THINK YOU ARE PERFECT. How about I say all women are BITCHES? I KNOW THEY ARE NOT BUT HEY HOW ABOUT IT? BUT HEY TO MANY NOT ALL WOMEN DON’T WANT THE THUG. YOU KNOW IT IS TRUE. If you jumped on the GANG BANGER, THE CRIMINAL, ETC. WHO COULD BLAMEN YOU? But know you jump on, THE BLACK, DENTIST, DOCTOR, SCHOOL TEACHER, SOCIAL WORKER, ETC AND SO FORTH. EVERYBODY AIN’T KOBE BRYANT, SNOOP DOG (THE WANNA BE THUG) RAPPPER, ACTOR ETC. SOMEBODY GOTTA BE SOMETHING ELSE. iF YOU WANT TO DATE ANOTHER CULTURE THAT IS YOUR CHOICE. WHY YOU GOTTA PUT DOWN ALL BLACK MEN? I CAN’T BE YOU , YOU CAN’T BE ME. BUT WE GOTTA PUT EACH OTHER DOWN JUST FOR THE SAKE OF IT AND GENERALIZE? THE BROTHAS ARE PUNKS. I’M A MARINE CORP VET, NOT A PUNK. MANY BLACK MEN SERVED THE COUNTRY, ARE THEY PUNKS? WHAT IF YOU HAVE A SON BY WHATEVER RACE, WILL HE BE A PUNK IN YOUR EYES OR JUST A NO GOOD NIGGA CAUSE HE IS A BOY? MAY THE MOST HIGH GOD BLESS HIM!
Hi Ree,
I am commenting based solely on your post:
You say the black man “want[s] the qualities of a wife WITHOUT the commitment”. This says to me that in your dating scenario you opened your self up to at least two men without evaluating their intentions. i say two because you would need at least this many to make somewhat valid your assertions. These relationships would have to had lasted at least 9 months to a year… again to make valid your points.
Now you say that you have been “recently…dating outside the race”. You claim that the experience is “different”. Well, I’m mystified because you seem to be in the same place… relationship-wise. Albeit you say, the white men treat you better, but by your post you are still single and unattached with no commitment from them.
Could it be that they are truly nice, but see those untoward “black woman” personality traits that turn so many black men (do-right black men) away. Is this why you still sport a nude ring finger? Just because Oprah says you should date outside does not mean you can do it successfully.
‘nuf Said 4 Now!
All who have a biblical world view will acknowledge that all people are descendants from Adam and after the flood Noah, Shem, Ham and Japheth. In the big scheme of things we are all a part of the same race which is the human race. In contemporary times what divide the descendants of Adam are race, religion, culture and socio-economic status and personal values. People within the same group often times connect with one another. People can be of different races but connect because they have the same personal values ECT.
Specifically as it relates to Domnicanas all are not prostitutes. To say that all Dominicanas are prostitutes is to say that all African American women are “Gold Diggers” that simply is not true. They are women just like other women born into a the Latin American culture that in general has a different set of values as it relates to relationships than the U.S. This amongst many other factors makes Dominicanas attractive to some Afro American men.
Finally the Dominican Republic is on the island of Hispaniola. Hispaniola was the first port of call for Christopher Columbus when he discovered the new world. After Christopher Columbus and his crew exploited the native Tiano Indians killing them through disease and war Columbus and his crew started importing African slaves to the island. Hispaniola subsequently became the portal of the slave trade to the new world. My point is that slavery existed on the island of Hispaniola more than 100 years before it came to the U.S. Therefore most Dominicanos are descendants of the West African slave trade just like Afro Americans. As a matter of fact it would be accurate to refer to most Dominicanos as Afro Latinos. With that said perhaps we have more in common with the people of the Dominican Republic than we realize…I’m just sayin…
I am so tired of this discussion but it is one that will constantly come up. Black woman are constantly and publicly berated and measured against some other ethnicity. Honestly are any black men satisfied with blk women??? These responses all just sounds like a scapegoat as to why I don’t have to address my own issues as a man and work on building stronger bonds with the woman in my life. As a young professional black woman I haven’t encountered very many men who stand on your own as men. So if he isn’t right how can we build anything together. Cooking, cleaning and all that other stuff is great but if we both work everyday shouldn’t these be shared responsibilities. A lot of men need to STOP living with the 1952 mindset. Both parties are bringing home the bacon now. It really just sounds like there is no such thing as equal in regards to male/female relationships. I want to be respected for what I bring to the table in addition to cooking and cleaning.
I agree with Corporate Barbie, it takes patience. I think black woman have shown patience and it has not been rewarded at all. I am really just ready to hear more blk men/women talking about what the other actually does right in a relationship instead of constantly dwelling in the comparison society.
i couldn’t agree with you more. well put. Thanks!
oh i agree with you one hundred percent on the whole stop living in the whole 1952 era of male female relationships. like that hole i gotta pay for all your (not you) luxuries and basic needs, the pandering and domestication( the opening of doors, the pulling out of seats) the basic training of the black male(as well as non-black) to be a good little servant to the women has to stop.
I can see both points to this story but you also have to look at the culture. Most of these women in the Dominican Republic are not pursuing careers and educational goals. They are taught the duties of a woman at a very early age which is a great thing. In the United States sometimes it gets overlooked because there are households where women have to play both man and woman which causes that mindset of young women to be more dominating. Many young women have never seen a functioning household where the man and woman play their roles. Now they are women out there who live by the independent motto but then there are women that are open to it but unfortunately they need to be taught which cause a lot of impatience in men. This so called destruction in black relationships all stems from the lack of black fathers to teach young women how to let a man be a man. I can’t understand why black men and women put each other in this box where no one is right. Like Ambitious_One says this story is old.
You say that Black women need to “let a man be a man.” What exactly does that mean and why do you need me to “let” you be what you are?
To me, that is like saying we should let a tree be a tree. Of course it is a tree. What else would it be? It doesn’t need me to “let” it be what God intended it to be. It just is.
By the way, I am an African-American female who was raised by her father (and grandmother). I have a bachelor’s and master’s degree. I know how (and do so regularly) to cook, clean, wash clothes, pick a good wine, etc and handle my business on the job as well.
And I have dropped out of the dating scene because of this kind of stupidity. Too frustrating, as I am not fond of wasting my time.
OK…First, as a black woman & an extremely loyal person I have NO PROBLEM catering to my man IN FACT it makes me come alive even more. BUT If my man is messing up I’m not going 2 bend over backwards 2 please him Nor should I when I’m not being treated right. As far as foreign women, Yes Ill say there’s truth 2 that character But let’s be honest & state the facts. Most of these women are poor and/or come from poor circumstances & a american man is their best meal ticket & chance 4 a better life. If they were in better environment like us that level of humility wouldn’t be as common. A lot of those women are very mistreated by foreign men they marry because the man has the upper advantage. If you want a good woman jus like a good man ,you have more power in the outcome than u think. I don’t believe you have 2 leave the usa 2 find that quality but I don’t judge. Its jus my personal opinion that most men that do just want some1 they can control & dominate. And what’s love got 2 do with that?
I agree with all of the reasons given by the men selected and I totally understand. I do not understand why we as African-American women are still so “loyal”, committed, and patiently longing for African-American men. Yes, they have valid reasons in some respects (but hardly able to generalize) to leave us behind and seek love in other places, but if AA women were to adopt that same stance, we would have started going elsewhere long before AA men. However, we’re still here despite regularly being told (by AA men & the “others”) that we aren’t good enough and don’t warrant any effort in being loved. All hope is not lost though, thank God. Outside of the U.S., the options for AA women are overwhelming and wonderful. Africa is a great place to start.
I am new around here, here it goes…regardless of what these three men said, which is hardly a representative sample, how awesome, considerate, and attentive are Dominican women, or Brazilian women, or other women in economically-depressed countries that have high rates of sex tourism (and HIV), such that the men only want them for 3-7 days on their vacation?! And then I, as a BW, am supposed to listen to those same BM about how to treat a man? No. Are they marrying these women, bringing them home to mama? Rarely. Any man, woman, Black or otherwise, who thinks they are doing anything other than exploiting people in these situations is fooling themselves.
[thumbs up]
No! I love Black Women. Like most men, I’ve experimented with Inter-Cultural dating and had temporary obsessions with Asian Women, Spanish Women, etc. I just think that any Man who isn’t prepared to feel the wrath of any Woman that he doesn’t do right by, whether she is Black, White, Gray, Orange, etc., isn’t deserving of that Woman in the 1st place.
FlyGuy, now I just know you corrected these men. And I am certain you chose that image for a reason. he black woman arguing and the nicely figured women are the Dominican women.
Most of this is generalizations. So, based on the way these men are thinking, what makes them feel so special when she treats you well and does all of those things for you if she will do it for any man. I am not saying all Dominican women are subservient or anything, I am going solely on the men’s responses. I have no problem doing all of these things and MORE for the right man. I will not, however, just do it because you think you are a man or because I like you. When I meet that right man, he will lack absolutely nothing in the woman’s duties because that is my job to him.
American society is different than Dominican society and the people therein adhere to their respective social norms. Some women here work longer hours, so when they come home, the last thing they want to do is cook, not because they do not appreciate their man but because they are tired. Sadly, though, I think these types of men prefer Dominican, Asian, Hispanic, etc women for physical reasons but to justify it, they blame black women. Now the black woman looks bad and is why he has to run away and into the arms of another race. Yes, some black women are argumentative and if a man seems to only find these women, I can see how he could be turned off from black women. But not all black women are like this.
My preference has always been Black women (regardless of how my posts may come off sometimes….lol).
While some men may go outside the race due to some of the reasons others have posted already, I can’t see myself abandoning what I believe in for something else just because it’s perceived to be more domestic-minded or “easier” to get.
I’m still hanging in there hoping I can find a Black woman whose standards we each can stack up to.
And besides…..At least from what I’ve seen so far….I have yet to meet any race of woman that seems to really prefer Black men of my type, anyway.
BLACK MALE AND FEMALE RELATIONSHIPS: It seems that as a race and a culture, what we do is stereotype one another. We feel that to be black we gotta be like THE ATHELET, THE ENTERTAINER ETC. Black men like ANY MAN has made mistakes that is true. BLACK WOMEN AS A WHOLE NEVER WANT TO TAKE RESPONSIBLITY FOR THEIR MISTAKES and this gets OLD! MANY BLACK WOMEN HAVE THROWN AWAY DECENT MEN BECAUSE HE WASN’T “NIGGA” ENOUGH! Being a nigga is what messed us up. We are human beings not that “UGLY WORD”. COLOR ISSUES. Many black women of darker hue, have been approached by black decent black men. BUT YOU PROBBABLY TURNED HIM DOWN BECAUSE HE WASN’T NIGGERISH ENOUGH. How many black women have baby after baby by different men? WHO TOLD YOU TO DO THAT? AN EDUCATED BLACK MAN IS CONSIDERED WHAT? BOUGIE AND WEAK. NOT EVERYMAN IS DUNKING A BALL .
As far as inter-racial dating is concerned what if a black woman has a son from another race and the child looks black LIKE TIGER WOODS. IS THAT CHILD A NIGGA? DO YOU TREAT HIM BAD BECAUSE HE IS A BOY? OR WHAT? HONESTLY WOMEN THINK OF ALL THE DESCENT MEN I SAY DESCENT BECAUSE NO ONE IS PERFECT, THAT SISTERS HAVE SCREWED OVER. WE ARE A RACE OF PEOPLE THAT THINK WHITE OR NON BLACK IS BETTER. WHEN THEY DON’T TREAT US WRONG, WE TREAT US WRONG. WE PIGEON HOLE OURSELVES. IF YOU THINK YOU BEING OF “COLOR” IS NOT AN ISSUE THEN LOOK AT HOW THEY DO OBAMA.
I think these qualities are found in individuals. Sometimes we overlook what’s right in our back yard because some of the same qualities are really obvious in those who are a bit different than we are.
I found that Latin men tend to posses more of the hunter qualities that I like than Black American men do. But it doesn’t mean that all Black American men are punks. Hell, from experience, the Brothas in Europe are a lot more assertive than here in the states. They have no problem stepping to a woman. A lot of Black men here tend to wait on women to come to them and play the man’s role and the women’s role in the relationship. Then we get penalized for being just that. You can’t give up your role and get mad because someone else picks it up. But, I won’t just diss all Black men here in the states just because of this. There are some out there who have balls! … someplace. LOL
AJOY. YOU ARE PROBBABLY THE TYPE OF WOMAN THAT GIVE MEN HELL. FIGURE EVERY MAN GOTTA BE A NIGGA RIGHT! IF EVERY MAN WAS A “NIGGA” BLACK FOLKS WOULD HAVE GOTTEN NO WHERE. What do yo know about balls when you don’t have balls! YOU SOUND LIKE A STEREOTYPICAL BLACK BITCH. WE WONDER HOW WE WERE SLAVES AND SEGREGATED AGAINST BECAUSE OF NIGGERISH PEOPLE LIKE YOU!
um you gotta understand that when american men( black and non-black) “step” to american women, we get berated, dissed, shot down, ridiculed, and just straight out embarrased. men coming from europe have it a bit easy because of 2 things. 1) the exotic factor which if we ourselves left the country we would experience it too. 2) they have experience dealing with women who are more receptive to their advances because of how they were raised and cultural upbringing. more or less i would not have a problem getting shot down constantly except for the fact that the manner in which men get rejected in our subculture is just harsh and cruel. i mean just take a look at the news during the past 4 years and you will see a trend of men commiting suicide or going on a shooting spree because they were viciously turned down by some chick who thought her shit smelled like roses or something. its pretty simple to contemplate if you look at the post topic. black men and dominican women being able to get alone because the dominican women from what ive learned from these post and my own experiences are a bit more open to advances and not as “stuck-up” or hardboiled as black women. you see, american man, non american women.
I think these qualities are found in individuals. Sometimes we overlook what’s right in our back yard because some of the same qualities are really obvious in those who are a bit different than we are. Some of these men sound like they simply don’t want to be giving of themselves in the relationship.
I found that Latin men tend to posses more of the hunter qualities that I like than Black American men do. But it doesn’t mean that all Black American men are punks. Hell, from experience, the Brothas in Europe are a lot more assertive than here in the states. They have no problem stepping to a woman. A lot of Black men here tend to wait on women to come to them and play the man’s role and the women’s role in the relationship. Then we get penalized for doing just that. You can’t give up your role and get mad because someone else picks it up. But, I won’t just diss all Black men here in the states just because of this.
Plus, I am sure there are plenty of Dominican women who don’t like the stereotype.
that hunter gather instinct your talking about is called Machismo, a socialogical term. if you know anything about spanish culture, you would realized that it has alot to do about being alive, bright, exciting, and full of life. the machismo persona is a sexual representation of that mentality as the spanish male relates to women. this hunter gatherer instinct your mentioning i believe your using out of context to what it really means, which is to hunt game(animals), and gather food to ultimately provide for his or her family.
you have to realize that spanish men are a bit more aggressive(actually not more aggressive but they go about it differently) then black men is because like i said in other post, their advances are more accepted by their own women. were as black men have evolved to the point were they dont want to bother with you because of how they might percieve you to be, the fear of rejection and the degrees of embarrassment they might feel, and the roles by which we as men have to follow in order to just be with you( being the provider, following the social mores associated with interacting with women, ect) yes, i am generalizing but mathematically speaking, if 70% percent of african american women are single or unmarried and the male population is what lets say for every 10 women you have 7 available men, thats crazy math. and take into consideration that out of those 7 men 2 are in jail and 2( or 1 maybe) are gay, what do you have? 3 men for every 10 women avialable on the market.
so out of that group of 3, you alienate 1 of those men who is trying to “step” to you, what do you expect? of course the men are gonna go else were to get their rocks. and its probably that one brother who has a future or who has great potential but you turned him down because he aint this or that or what not. everytime you go to a club or go out with your friends(girls night out) and you get “stepped” to or hollard at, think about this post. those men were probably available (atleast sexually) and you just walked away because you either were to stuck up to answere back in kind or were to afraid to aswere back because a) you have this redicules fantasy that men have to speak in this certain magical tone to break your defences, enrapture you, and hynotize you into believing he is the one for you, and b) most of you women are so stupid to beleive that this perfect man( denzel looks, obama status, will smith money) will somehow take his rich and all powerful as to the same broke as bar, club, or lounge, your poor ass is going to. but hey, thats the breakdown to me.
Fly guy i was raised by a haitian mother , who is a devought christian. Every chore or rule i had she gave me was to prepare me for marriage. When i was in Highschool she gave me a curfew to train me to not be out all hours of the night so when i get married i wouldn’t stay out late. If she cooked we had to wait to eat till my step father came home. I read the bible and prepared myself how to be the perfect wife. I totally agree with you american women sometimes dosen’t know how to act cause it sucks because black “independent” women give a bad wrap to the women like me and time after time curve me for the typical looking latin chick and i feel weird cause i’m light skin with light brown eyes and curly hair and i suddenly feel how the dark skin sistas feel..until i tell a guy i’m haitian and italian and then all of sudden their eyes light up cause i’m not a black american girl smh
Fly guy i was raised by a haitian mother , who is a devought christian. Every chore or rule i had she gave me was to prepare me for marriage. When i was in Highschool she gave me a curfew to train me to not be out all hours of the night so when i get married i wouldn’t stay out late. If she cooked we had to wait to eat till my step father came home. I read the bible and prepared myself how to be the perfect wife. I totally agree with you american women sometimes dosen’t know how to act cause it sucks because black “independent” women give a bad wrap to the women like me and guys curve me for the typical looking latin chick and i feel weird cause i’m light skin with light brown eyes and curly hair and i suddenly feel how the dark skin sistas feel..until i tell a guy i’m haitian and italian and then all of sudden their eyes light up cause i’m not a black american girl smh
If a person wants to date a person it is what it is…no need to explain, complain or ask permission or for understanding – just do it. A secure person especially a man knows his own mind and knows that what he wants is what he wants and goes after it, no explanation needed or given and that that is enough. These men need to own up to their own truths from start to finish and stop seeking or needing validation or approval from others or society at large.
As far as the foreign women -men such as these who are making excuses are easy to play – just make them feel manly and they are hooked. The women though they appear submissive are actually leading them around by the nose all for some attention. Anyone can be nice and accommodating for a short term like a vacation – the real test of character is how a person handles the day to day reality. A relationship is not all sunshine and roses or feeling good it’s being there for the good, bad and in between.
OMG. As a Dominican woman, those stereotypes make me sick to my stomach. Sounds more about wanting to control a woman than have a partner who is an equal. Yes, “culturally” Dominican girls are raised to see no evil, hear no evil, and worship the man. Thus Dominican men are notorious for being unfaithful (despite the good woman at home), being verbally and physically abusive, and yes, choosing women who “know their place”. In exchange, the HIV levels are extremely high, the affects of abuse transcend generations, and women struggle to find a sense of self, and are often prisoners, rather than wives. It’s disgusting, and I hate that this is how “we” are viewed, as submission, complacent, pieces of ass who can cook. Disgusting. I wouldn’ cry for a man who travels anywhere in search of this type of woman. He is a douchbag who lacks confidence and respect for women. And that is coming straight from the keyboard of a proud Dominican woman.
Reading this is disgusting to say the least. Seeing, an ENGINEER, PHOTOGRAPHER, and an ATTOURNEY, describe a servant as there ideal women is sad. Choosing a women who can cook and clean and knows when to give you space. As a latino the only time I want a women like that is when me and the wife don’t want to do anything and decide to EMPLOY some one to do “the job”. As a man I’m less concerned with a woman who cooks and cleans well, as I can do that on my own.
Kudos to you Mateo! I loved your response.
It’s called being LATINA. Some men know where it”s at and others don’t.
[...] happened upon a website the other day with a post titled “Do Black Men Prefer Dominican…”, after reading it I found myself at a lost for words in all honesty. I’m not [...]
I get tired of people trying to justify their obsession with other race’s sexuality by saying the black man is this ….and the black woman is that…., as a black man I have dated out of my race not because i was mad at the BEAUTIFUL BALCK WOMAN , but because i could not find one in my area but Inever said that i hate black women I just say that there is none in my cirlcle so i dated because of loneliness and a desire to be loved by someone , and that should be the goal of everyone not to sexually conqure another race , at this time my current girlfriend is from mexico and i fell in love with her when she talked about the beauty , and courage of the black woman , and how she basically worshipped my mother .
Wow thats whats up, thanks for sharing your story..: )
Dominicans are black…
No kidding? Whoda thunk? SMH….
There’s a lot of stereotype going on here. I am a Dominican Woman and yes we do care and we try to please our men and we give them their space but that doesn’t mean African American women or other women don’t do the same. On the other hand, there are many dominican women like me who pursue a career and finish college and also find time to take care of their family. In every community there’s great individuals who care to make a difference and other’s who don’t even try. Please stop the stereotypes!!!!
I am going to keep this short, mainly because I’m dealing with a situation that is related to this subject. I admit I could not read the whole thing due to the feeling of salt being rubbed in a very fresh wound. My problem is that Black men seem to be extremely enamored with the woman’s race. its not that she knows how to be a girlfriend or a wife. Honestly if that was the attraction, there are a lot of black women out there that have the various qualities mentioned in the quotes. The general scenario is that black men lay down their lives for dominican women and give black girls (with girlfriend values) the run around or they get played to the left or just plain played. The only variable between a ‘good’ Dominican woman and a ‘good’ Black woman is their race. So please do not try to justify obvious (albeit uncouth and slightly racist) preferences withe seemingly logical arguments. I guess I lied about keeping this short. I wrote this because I’ve been told I’m not good enough because I’m not West Indian, Dominican, or White by three black men….yes I am mad….partly for my own selfish reasons, but because black men are equating a woman’s worth not by her actions but by her race at first glance. Last semester my teacher was talking about Freud treating only rich White women and your stereo typical black boy who was only in school to play ball and never said any thing perked up and yelled ,”YEAH, THAT’S WHAT I’M TLKING ABOUT’. SMH.
oh yea, I’m 23, work full time, attend college full- time as animal science, so I can go to vet school, as well working on getting licensed as a Vet Tech, I am Black , Irish, Italian, Shoshone Indian and Brazilian. I am proud of each one of my heritages but for all intensive purposes I identify black. I will not blame Dominican women or any other race for ‘stealing’ Black men. It is unfair to stereo type a woman’s worth based on race as Dr. Vieira said,but it is the Black men who are doing most of it…..as wrong as it is for a Black man to say a woman is not worth adoration if she is Black. Is it not equally as wrong for the same man to say Dominican women are worthy of their love because of their race? It lessens both women as individuals who should both be loved for their values.
Those who told you that you weren’t good enough simply for being a Black American woman display the most silly and disgusting hatred of themselves. It is NOT about you. It is about THEM and their self-hate and stupidity.
oh i agree with you 100% about the whole men judging womens worth based on race but that still does not account for the fact that those gentlemen who stated the comments have not given any warning signs as to any difficulties dealing with these women from other races based on their opinions or judgements of them. plus on the flip side you do realize we as humans generalize and judge people all the time.
whether it be bums on the train or that white guy in the corporate suit you see on the bus, you have already made a judgement about these people such as how much money they make, where they live, their educational acheivements, ect. we make judgements and generalizations to protect ourselves and to avoid trouble. the idea is basically this: ive dealt with such and such women before and got this result. ive done this and this yet still ive gotten the same result. when i venture out and dealt with these other types of women, ive gotten this and this result(better more favorable result.) the concept is akin to buying a certain deoderant and using it constantly and it does not work. then going out and buying a new brand and seeing a whole new result. then from that experience you determine that any product made by the previoues brand is not worth buying.
its funny cause as i type this now, a week ago i was privey to a situation that occurred as i was leaving class. as i headed to the train station (on 34th street on the f line), i saw a nice young pair of AA girls walking by me. and as i began entering the train station, a gentlemen who was handing out flyers said” how you doing miss” real polite like with a country accent. now this girl just ignores him and he goes ” damn miss, really?” now this girl spins around with such intensity and says” shut the fuck up!” then she proceeds to curse him out and ending with ” didn’t think i would say shut the fuck up did you? niggas like you keep making my taxes go. you need to get a fucking job!” now im like wow, where the hell did that come from? it was uncalled for and just plan disrespectful.
i bring this story up because i have ALOT of stories like this where ive either walked into the middle of one or have been there during the begining where an AA girl is popping off at the mouth with no regard to who she is talking to and an amount of energy and anger that is above and beyond the level of response you would give such a situation. when you compare dealing with that all the time to whats on the other side of the fence, i think most guys or whoever would come to the same conclusion those other fellows advocated before.
Yes, Cronos it is pure human nature for people to judge by what we see….I can be very shallow…I will own that…but I don’t think hey that ugly person or fat person wont be a good person because their ugly/fat IMO…..as well as those two AA women….they were females…possibly gutter trollops who had their heads stuck so far up there ass that they could not see how ignorant they were being plus how many steps they were taking AA’s back(sorry I’m black not AA….there is a difference for me but that is another discussion)…..and yes I am aware that not all black men think Dominican women are the best ting god made….I am only discussing the ones who do(in-case anyones wondering)…….i grew up in a two parent house hold, where my mother is the bread winner….my father did a lot as well do not get me wrong he was a retired policeman by the time i was born….which was 4years after they were married….after 12hr work days she still cooks and cleans…..they have their ruff spots but the push through them…i know i am lucky to have this strong example to instill me…i know that….because of my home i know how to support my black man irregardless of his short comings or situation…..but as of late this is not good enough…so i have now worked a 12hr day and i must leave so now i am going home to my dog who loves me for who i am good and bad….not a man who will do the same….damn thats pitiful lol…good night
Response to Cronos:
By your logic, should I conclude that all Black American men are dogs because I ran into one or two Black American men are dogs?
And the whole irony of it is that my generally laid back, easy-going demeanor has earned me the label of not being a “real” Black woman by men who extol these same traits in foreign women. Go figure.
you know whats funny is pretty much the other half of this debate or discussion coming from the men who are having this problem are basically saying what i theorized. i mean if a man is a dog, treat him like one. with respect but like a dog. if he smashes one chick then goes to another and another, then be smart enought to know he is only good for one thing. dont be an ass about it, disrespectful or rude, just use that person or persons for what they do best then move on. dont try to change them for the better unless your absolutely sure they are worth trying to change. other than that, stop hoping that a dog can turn into prince charming.
hoping your not trying to oversimplify my statement but in a way yes. granted the parameters of your judgement are based around the fact that all or most of your subsequent relationships with black men/or Men of any race or such have been bad then by logic, i would figure you would steer clear of those types of men. just like if you know a friend who dates deadbeats, broke brothers, wifebeaters, ect, would steer clear of such men when standing face to face with the warning signs flashing her in the face.
just the same if i have certain characteristics or traits that i want to avoid in a women such as golddigging, being bitchy, hood-rat asethetics(the coloring of the hair making one look like an anime character) i would try avoiding women of that nature. is there a certain warning sign telling when im dealing with this type of women? yes and it so happens to be that they are black(some times spanish). yes i do realize that not all black women are like that and that women from other races can and are like that but it is more likely that to be when im dealing with an AA Girls or women(for me atleast).
I understand the brothers claim of going to another country and finding a wife. True there are some black women here in america who do those chores,etc but those are few and far betwwen. The men i know and that goes for me do not want a diva, sapphira or jezebel type of a woman from any race or culture. It seems that is accepted in black america and it stinks to high heaven. The black culture has lost its mind on both sides(male/female). Folks need to go back to the bible and follow
Christ not some mega church with these pimps in the pulpit who demonize men & uplift the women. Trust me most black(godly or good) are sick of that from these churches & women. It is no surprise that they are looking at south america, central america, canada, & the carribbean to find a wife. I do did not say sex thing or girlfriend. Only a handful of black men will venture out of the country, most brothers will deal with sisters here & that is ok. Each man must weigh what is feasible to him with regards to a wife. I wish those brothers well on dealing with sisters here in America.
hahahahaha, its sad because it all comes down to dealing with sistas in the U.S. not coming to terms, relating to, or communicating with, its DEALING WITH SISTAS IN THE U.S. hahahaha. to me it just sounds bad. unless you wanna use another choice of words?
You are so right about following the bible. These bw don’t know how to be women and aren’t taught. They’re taught to be a loud mouthed bitch, and to come against their men, which is why most bw don’t have a man.
JWA that is an extremely crude generalization
I’ll keep it simple sistas are sexy and the attitude can be appealing, but…As Brasileras e Dominicanas sao belezas. Sao os melhor! We’re talking in every color , shape, and combination there of. Just stunning! African blood lines are present in all but some based on culture, style, and genetic pool pairings has an appeal that is undeniable. Simple as that! That being said my finance is a Brasilera, claro que sim!
Valeo!
Dude. Exoticism is an international thing. I have plenty of black, white, etc. female friends who are 100% U.S. American who go to Brasil and get MADDD play. Because in Brasil, they’re the exotic ones. It’s not that Brazilians are more beautiful than anyone else, it’s that you probably don’t have many mixed beauties beyond black-and-white halfies where you live (and grew up) so to you it’s a big deal. Send a black American woman to Spain or Argentina. The men there will say the same thing about them that you do about Brazilians. (I know from personal experience.)
And don’t forget about Brazil high rate of plastic surgery in certain regions. If that’s what you’re into, cool. But recognize that it’s not a “more beautiful” thing, it’s the exotic aspect.
Good subject guys, but unfortunately, the real issue still remains in the foggy conversations and reasonings that I have read in this post. Bottom line: Black men have and continue to look for approval and legitimacy in their lives. We constanly have to proove ourselves, no matter how capable we are (Even President Obama goes through this and he’s the POTUS). Racism, bigotry, blatant bias, not to mention DWB&WWB(driving while black, walking while black) is usually the norm.
On top of that, the incarceration industry has ensured that plenty of money is made by keeping brothers in jail. Nobody escapes this..even smart, financially secure educated black men like myself.( Look what happened to an Ivy League Professor getting arrested in his own home).
Historically, the one thing that kept a brotha going was his woman. She was the queen and he was treated as the king of his castle and for once during the day, his woman was home to take care of him and his castle and make everything okay. Of course, that was back in the 50′s when opportunities for black women were either a teacher, nurse, or homemaker.
There has been a significant change and all western women are more educated and empowered to be more independent. Many white women earned their education and started careers but chose to become the homemaker and “Soccer Mom” .
Black women today are overwhelmingly preferred for hiring over black men and the powers that be prefer it that way because of the great fear that black men would take over the corporate world or God forbid, advance into Wall Street in great numbers. So essentially, you are left with large numbers of black men who don’t feel validated and sometimes powerless, so they seek the woman who will cook, clean, become a mother and give him the space he needs to be loyal and maybe go out and responsibly get a little from time to time. Many black women have a problem with that kind of relationship and will drop a hard working, intelligent brotha who spends time with his kids and treats his woman good all because he wanted to express his independence from time to time. For men, many times, sex is not attached to intimacy as oppossed to women who give sex in exchange for a relationship and often seek attachment after the act. Dominican women are more accommodating and as long as you are stepping up and being the man of the house and hadling your business, she will stand by you and support you and even let you have a little independence from time to time because she knows that after all is said and done, you are coming home to her.( Many change that tune really fast once they have the green card in hand and gain American citizenship. Many have left their man standing with bags in hand as soon as they arrived at the nearest stateside airport).
So I will give these brothas going to the DR to find a wife a lot of respect because at least they are smart enough to find a woman compatible with the lifestyle they prefer and respectfully stay away from the American sista’s who disagree with this kind of relationship and “aint havin it”
i think as the culture begins to change and the people who have adopted it and who grew up in it have to a certain extent changed to the point where these individuals have begun to adopt new values and ideas about what it means to be a man or women and in our case Black men and black women.
some of us have evolved beyond the stereo types that are so often forced upon us by either outside influences or our own peers. and as this occurs, this new breed of people and mentality begins to clash with the old vangaurds of the culture(i.e. chris rocks says it best, “i love black people, but i hate niggas”) not to say that the issue is about black people and “niggas” but the gender roles and race roles that AA People slip into when interacting with their own kind. to me this is what causes the friction between the sexes.
[...] (http://www.flyguychronicles.com/2010/02/do-black-men-prefer-dominican-women-over-their-own/) [...]
The bottom line is black women ruined the Black American household because they demanded authority over their men as opposed to being their partners.
Rather than allowing intelligent, established, authentic black men love them, respect them, nurse them, care for them, and support them, black women were not satisfied because Euro-American influences convinced them to fight for rights at home. Unfortunately, they listened to devils as opposed to joining forces with the black man they claimed to love and ended up destroying the fabric of the black family.
Now, black women are chasing white, Latino, and Asian men and claim no good black men exist. Or, they go a step further and echo what we see on television; black men are either in prison, unemployed, cheaters, or under-educated. What a crock of crap.
In fact, black women tolerate more crap from white men and take it because they have an addiction and it starts with the misinformation they allow into their ears, the chemicals they put in their hair, and ends with the bleaching products they purchase in record numbers to spread across their skin to look more like them.
So, if the black man tires of being pushed in different directions, and gives up on interpreting your increasingly confusing behavior because Euro-influences leave you feeling ugly and insecure, why should the black man waste his time playing along in your sandbox?
The real problem is black women have allowed everything around them, other than the man that truly loved them, influence their thinking and behavior. When I see a black woman, I immediately think “there is my sister and I would defend her honor any day of the week if she is authentic.” When I see a black woman with fake hair extensions, blonde, wearing colored contacts, and chemically treated from head to toe with bleaching products, I think “what a disaster and look at the self-hate.”
You don’t need Oprah to tell you how to have a happy home. She isn’t married and her lifestyle is not your lifestyle. You don’t need Tyra Banks, celebrities, recording artists, models, or even the pastor telling you what’s good for you. You don’t need the Euro-centric media telling you dark skin is ugly or Beyonce’s hair is what you need to feel good about yourself. All you need is a a solid education, an honorable black husband, a clear conscience, and faith in God to protect you and your family from the devil.
And should a problem arise, be diplomatic and turn to your black man to work it out. The neighborhood, girlfriends, and family members are not your advisors. Be mature about the situations you face and I can guarantee you, the only trip to the Dominican Public or anywhere else will be one with you on vacation.
Please stay natural and may God bless you sis’.
Your Big Brother!
I agree with “Rocko” wholeheartedly. The problem all along has been the “Influencers.” Little do black women know is that these “influencers” have ensured that black men are given the revolving door in our prisons so they can not be home to help mentor and raise the children they help bring into this world, given substandard education in our schools to result in low college enrollment rates, biologically ensure that more black women are born than black men to interrupt the mating scheme.
And now these “influencers” have ensured that with the change of the American economy switching from a manual/industrial enviroment to a computer technological workplace, black men are overlooked for jobs or don’t have enough education to compete in those jobs.
The “influencers” have told them that black men are not compatible or intimidated by black women nowadays and now is the time for black women to take a “dip in the snow.” So black women have asked everyone and been influenced and advised by all except the black man himself.
As a result, I know many black men who were able to feel needed and loved by a Dominican woman and it inspired one that I know to work hard and even find way’s to step up to be a better provider and father to the kids.
That individual even went back to college and law school and is now a corporate lawyer because his Dominican wife didn’t look down on him but made him “feel” like a man empowered to have ambition and go after goals and dreams. She encouraged him to go after his dream and she stood by him all the way. He proudly tells everyone that it was his beautiful Dominican senorita that has made him the man he is today. These women have the ability to make a man feel like a man and they don’t stop being beautiful and attractive once they get a ring on their finger. They realize that if you want to keep a good man, you have to be willing to put in some work instead of getting lazy and feeling like you no longer have to stay attractive to your man (thats why many older Dominican women are just as beautiful as young Dominican girls)
That’s another reason we seek Dominican women because they give us everything we miss at home. Maybe black women should make Dominican senorita’s their advisers instead of listening to the folks who have a strategic interest to destroy the black family. And oh..by the way..Dominican blood has a large percent of African blood in it so it’s not like we are dating women who are totally not of color.
I know this is a black-American centered website, but I would just like to put it out there that exoticism of other “races” is a man thing. And, many times, even a woman thing. The only exception is usually among some racists and the extremely conservative (more for religious and cultural than racial reasons). My white liberal friends are all enamored with non-whites. Liberal blacks do the same. Indians, Asians, Latinos, Africans, Caribs, you name it.
So far I’ve been to Spain, Portugal, Argentina, Uruguay, Taiwan, and Thailand which all have little-to-no black population. I was MOBBED. Men dropped what they were doing to run after me and ask me on dates, some even asked to take pictures of and with me, I caused two car accidents, the list goes on and on. I’m definitely an attractive woman, but I’m not THAT fine! (hahaha) Proof: never happened in Puerto Rico, Jamaica, or any Carib islands I’ve been to. It was the “exotic” aspect. So, it’s just…what it is. No need to dog out black women and say it’s because they don’t do x, y, and z. Or pit them against Dominican women.
(Weird. I’ve never heard this before.)
I definitely understand the underlying issue within the statements, however men who accuse black women of being too dominant fail to assess whether or not they are bringing to the table a situation that she would feel comfortable relaxing in. Trust me, every woman would LOOOOOVE to be in a secure situation where they don’t have to worry about how the bills are going to get paid, everyone’s gonna get to where they need to go, everyone’s gonna get what they need, and make sure she doesn’t end up up the creek without a paddle (think: post-divorce finances), etc. Problem is, these days PERIOD (for woman of any sort) that doesn’t necessarily exist. With divorce rates so high, women can’t just worry about how to cook, clean, and serve. Because post-divorce, those skills will not pay above minimum wage. And that goes for all women. Especially in the US. I actually have a number of friends (of different races, nationalities, and socioeconomic levels) who are presently on their career grind for that specific reason. They saw the hell their “cook, clean, and serve” housewife mommas went through and want better for themselves. Because having no financial standing leaves the woman vulnerable to becoming prisoner to a lot of b.s.
I find that most men that complain about black women being too dominant are usually the ones that want to come to them with a bunch of b.s. (instability, infidelity, baby momma drama, lack of ambition, etc.) because a man truly on his game would match up or surpass and there would be no question of who’s the stronger/dominant partner. Because we women all want princes. We grew up on Disney movies and graduated to romantic dramas and comedies. We have believed in them for a very long time…but then we have to date “real” “men.” And then things change. (But we still hold out. So, men, start being princes. And it’ll get better. Might take some work, but it really will. Trust.)
you might be mistaken in assuming that the whole cooking,cleaning, baby watching is the actual issue( well maybe it is for some guys,lol) but i think the real issue is that when dealing with black women in the U.S. (A.A Women) it has something to do with attitude and behavior, and for me what you can bring to the table. Now the whole atttitude and behavior thing has to do with maybe the back talk, the rudeness, bouisie demeaner, coupled with that fact that when dating women are not seen as having to bring anything to the table(job, house, car,ect.)
so the basic roles of both sexes is a little off balance as far as the responsibilities go(paying for the date, having the car, having the crib, paying the rent completely on both sides, paying for all the extra expenses, and pretty much anything that has to do with money and complete support). now for most guys who possess those financial pillars it wouldnt be much of a problem to just step into those roles described above but to also “deal with” the typical attitude and behavior of A.A. Women compound the stress of the situation and relationship.
think about this, in a typical relationship, the man has to ” insert statement in parathesis from above here”. from my experiences, the women brings nothing to the relationship except looks and ideals(which isnt half bad,lol) but in order to have a relationship that can turn into a financially stable marriage, both sides have to bring something to the table FINANCIALLY. with the financial situation dealt with and a relationship built between 2 mature people, the man would not have go out and do his dirt with other women because since everything is taken cared of, the women is happy and therefore more aggreable in interactions. but since most of the financial burden falls on the man and he is forced to step into the role of complete caregiver and breadwinner for the family, alot of stress adds on to the mans frustration, leading him to search for women he can just smash and do his dirt with out the obligation of paying for this or that( a financial obligation). understanding this coupled with again the mainstream A.A. women culture and behavior is not inducive of fostering relationships between the sexes. Communication is only possible between equals, and in relationships of the sexes, men and women are not equal, period.
2 random points i would like to bring up, 1) while i was applying for college a few months ago, standing in a line waiting for my ID, A Chick with her mom was talking about a guy they knew. the young girl was telling her mom that they guy was really cool and all but he asked her to borrow a 20. the mom went bugged eye and was like you better drop that sucker. you want a man to take care of you, a baller. dont deal with men like that.
2) back in the day during the 1300 and 1400s , fathers hating having daughters because when they tried to marry off the daughter, it was customery for the family of the bride to give the groom a dowery of nearly the entire family fortune. because once he married her, he was responsible for everything, all her expenses, housing, ect. she didnt have to worry about a thing. alot of these customs have been carried over into our culture now. guess which parts have survived,lol.
oooOOOooo…I think I assumed the target audience of this site were black American professionals so I didn’t factor women with no job, house, car, etc. into the mix (I assumed all women addressed had that.). As sense of “entitlement” is definitely a problem that you find on both ends. Tryfling men who want the perfect wife and tryfling women who want the perfect husband. And that’s in all cultural/racial/socioeconomic groups.
In terms of the girl at the college, her mom’s attitude might not necessarily be “you gotta have a baller, shot-caller, brawler (?).” There is something to be said for someone who knows how to work and take care of their finances. I worked three different gigs (biochem lab, GED Tutoring, and after school classroom assistant) while in college so that I would not have to ask my parents for money and, when I lost my job in 2008, I managed to secure $1000 by working promotion gigs that following Wed-Sun. I was also able to pay all bills in cash for the next two months while I looked for work (i.e. no debt collection). I have no credit card debt and almost half of my income goes to savings, retirement, and investments. The only devil is that daggon’ Sallie Mae. (Shake of the fist!) Given that, I have a certain value in an adult person’s ability to be secure financially. This is mostly because a number of people I know who have a lot of debt have nice expansive wardrobes, laid out pads, fancy electronic toys, etc. In this job economy, I’ve had a lot of friends who have gone into debt because of their refusal to (1) curb their spending or (2) work a small gig to make ends meet. I would like a mate who shares my money views and work ethic. I think I’d be very frustrated if I were to go hard in a pressing time and be paired with someone that doesn’t have the same attitude. Aren’t the top two reasons for divorce sex and money? I have, at least, a sure way to eliminate one of those problems.
Since we don’t know what that guy wanted the money for, we can’t make judgment on him, but the above could explain the mom’s look. Rather than “he ain’t a baller because he needs it,” the mother could have been thinking more along the lines of “why does he need if from YOU?” Which is a valid point. Has he not heard of work?
In terms of the shout out to the 1300s and such, I think that idea carry over definitely remains. Notice that men get paid more than their female counterparts for the same exact job? It’s not just an act of sexism or discrimination as it is usually one-sidedly portrayed. I suspect that built in the system is the assumption that males are the head of a household. On the other hand, women aren’t given what would be their version of consideration which would be to work shorter days and be home to cook, clean, and do all those other domestic things. These days, maternity leave is barely a month in most places. Even in the military, it’s only six weeks! So…she tosses her husband the rubber gloves and heads to the kitchen.
(Note: this does not apply to women with no job who do nothing around the house. That’s tryfling. And husband slavery versus a partnership. So they get no love.)
(This comment is @cronos)
i agree with you on the whole both sexes being tryflying on both sides when it comes to the relationship( but being a man i seem to see only the part of me picking up the bill on all accounts, LOL.)
with the situation with the young lady and the gentlemen friend, to me is something a bit in the ways of friendship. if im your friend (and forget for a moment about the differences of the sexes) and we are tight, and you asked me for a few bucks(20, 30, ect), i wouldnt have a problem with it. add into the mix that we are dating and think about it. if my girl asked me for some money, im “socially obligated” to give it to her or hense i would be frowned upon as a cheap scate or loser.
flipping the script for a moment, if i asked my girl for some money for whatever reason, she might give it to me but the underlining thought running around in her head or the social perception would be and i quote from you, ” Has he not heard of work?”. i would assume this means “go out and get a damn job!” mind you that in both instances the man is the supporter and provider, not someone who shares equally in the relationship “expenses”. the relationship is not, “we lean on each other to make it together.” its really , ” you can lean on me all you want but when i need help, i have to just make it on my own!” the women, in my experiences, have always saved their money for themselves( even when they had a good job and could support themselves), with out fully sharing the burden of finances, period.
also the comment stated above im not quote sure how to interpret it. i mean the man asked her to borrow a few bucks and she related it to her mom. the mom basically stated it is not socially “accepted” to give men money. plus she told her to only deal with a certain type of man(ballar, and i kid you not, she actually said that word). the women knows the guys well and speaks highly of him(they are friends, however you want to put that), and you basically state why dont you have a job and why are you asking me for it? ok well maybe i lost my job recently and cant make the bills. maybe that 20 or 30 will give me gas for the car or train fair to get to the next interveiw for that brand spanking new job im gonna get. maybe i didnt loose my job but had to spend everything on rent and bills and so i dont have money for food for the next week or 2. ect, ect.
im pretty sure if you asked around, some people will give you a positive politically correct answer about what they think about this exact situation about the young lady and the gentlemen friend. but in the back of our minds and our social programming those social roles and what is expected of both is far uneven and will continue to play out and manifest until we sit and truelly discuss “true” equality” of the sexes. until then hakim will sow his wild oats while shakima rotates her head and snaps her fingers at him for not putting up 20 for a new manicure,lol.
Ok as a black men (29). Why do SOME black women care if some black guy’s date women from other races, I mean so, who cares, it’s their life to live. Black women get way to mad about that, why? I date black, white, asia, latina, because that’s what I want to do. My sister who is also black have a mixed race child and I have no problem with that but she still gets mad when she see’s a black man dating outside of his race, why? My thing is if I can’t find a good black women to date, I’ll look else where, and if their’s a black women out their that can’t find a good black guy, by all means date outside your race, be open to all things that can make you happy. And yes my first option would be a black women because that what I prefer, it’s my life. So to my black women, stop complaining and start dating all races of people, don’t be close minded.
Read the post again. In this case, it’s the fact that the reason sited for dating Dominicans is because black women are bad for x,y, and z reasons. If that sentiment was left out, there would be less upset black women. I think the repeated use of the “black women are bad” argument, coupled with the regarding one’s mate as your “white/asian/latina/etc. mate” makes in an issue. Because the race issue is created and, hence, made an issue. Instead of the person just being your “mate.”
Also, many people are mixing socioeconomic level and race as causes for certain attitudes. The poverty outside the United States…cannot even be compared to that here. Women in developing countries (especially those only surrounded by other poor countries) face a coupling of less liberties with even less opportunities. There are no “rags to riches” stories without the availability of a big break. Or even a small break to work up from. To some it just looks like they “work hard to make sure that they are good to their men” but there’s a lot more going on.
To WldFlwrChld,,,,,, you said ( regarding one’s mate as your “white/asian/latina/etc. mate” makes it an issue.) WHY??? I mean, look don’t get me wrong, I love love love my strong, beautiful black women, but it’s 2010 baby, lets move on and not worry about some black guy you don’t know love life. And to me I think women of other races do to same thing. So look, you have insecure men in ALL races, trust me, I know a lot of men from other races “white, latino, haitian” and their just as much as dogs as AA men are. All I’m saying is as black people let’s stop the silly back and forth, and start appreciating each other.
@tae
Woah! You directed your post at me but your response seems to be for someone else cuz you’re griping out of the lines of my post. You asked why SOME black women get upset. So I answered. WHY regarding your romantic partner as your “white/asian/latina/etc. mate” makes it an issue is because there are MILLIONS of other qualifying adjectives. Is she conservative? Religious? From a rural area? Tight knit with her family? These are all factors that play a greater role in a woman’s being like or unlike the “ideal” women described above than simply a woman’s racial makeup.
Translation: if the world had it all together, this subject wouldn’t exist. It’d be as weird as debating over dating women with long vs. short eyelashes. Do you think there’s something in a woman’s eyelash length that makes her a good or bad woman? Exactly.
I agree with the fact that it’s 2010 and we need to move on. But we need to move on beyond just not worrying about some strangers interracial love. What my post was saying is that we need to move past this whole “interracial issue” period. Two people together should just be two people together. I think that the only relevance someone’s race/ethnicity/nationality should serve should be if you want some recipes, are interested in different customs (music, religion, social structure, etc), or are interested in world history/politics/literature/language/etc. But to use it to divide and create ranking systems (as is done in this original post)…that’s crazy nonsense.
So…please chill and actually READ what I type instead of going off on some totally unfounded rant to some mentality that pissed you off waaaaay before you even wrote what I typed. (I’m Guyanese. One branch of my maternal family is Afro/black-Caribbean and the other Indo-Caribbean, so I have NOTHING against interracial coupling. That’s how I got here. Also, note that I mentioned previously I’ve dated non-blacks so…your response to me makes ZERO sense. I know what year it is.)
Also, you’re making up even more things to beef about, I never said anything about AA black men being dogs. That’s allllllll you. (Or maybe that mentality that you were angry at before even reading my post.) What I said is that this whole “race hang up” is an American thing. Which it is. American blacks and whites are the most stressed out by this unnecessary “issue.” Go check out blogs of other communities and see how many of them spend half as much time rehashing interracial dating over and over again.
Having dated men from a number of backgrounds, I agree that no racial group deserves the award for “group with most upstanding men.” Same goes for women. Which is what I have been saying. Which is the exact OPPOSITE of the attitudes of the three “men” “quoted” in this post.
@tae: I think you went wrong on your assumption that I’m the angry black woman who’s beefing. Actually, I’m coming from the perspective of the “non-American” or “not-too-American” black girl with the “good hair.” I had a heated debate with an ex-boyfriend when he told me that me having an Arabic last name and “not being American” was a “bonus” because of the same ideas expressed above: black American women have this, that, and the other mentality. But once we started talking, he started to see it as a socio-economic issue as opposed to an American vs. not issue. Which is what this all really is. I grew up in a pretty shaking-and-moving suburb of Chicago and none of my friends from high school fall into this “tryflin with no job, car, house, blah blah blah” category. But the chicks my mom taught who grew up in the projects with young mothers and little security. Yes, a few. We all know family cycles are hard to break. Which is awesome when the parents are good and on their grind. And detrimental when they are not.
To all my beautiful black women, I’m sorry for all of these self-hating negros negative comments, i’m not innocent. We as black people, some of us are brainwashed. The hole freaking world want to look like black women like sun tanning for darker skin, lip injections for full lips, booty injections for big booty, boob job for bigger tits but noooooo blacks are suppose to be ugly?????? Black women are under attack, and I just hope, that some of my Real brothas can stand up and define there honor. Again as a black man I’m sorry,
P.S. And stop reading crap like this. Black women have been the backbone of our race for far to long, it’s time for real black men to stand the f*&k up, stop going to jail and open up a darn book. We owe it to our beautiful black queens. And yes I love a little sassiest in my black women, very sexy. Only real man can handle it.
I AM So in love with Tae right now :)….. it really feels good to be appreciated and that what is lacking on both ends. being pissed off reading some of the comments and its like common now. I can not speak for evey women but im sure some can relate to what i am saying. You want to leave just because a lady is getting on your nerves you want to go to someone who may just say “Yes dear and never mind” when YOU can simply say “Baby its been a very long day not trying to be disrepectful but can i just hug you and get a kiss and be left alone right now we can talk later” communication and save and it can kill a relationship. i can take that then to be in a long relationship and you leave because you dont want to even discuss whats wrong to fix it later. all bad boo. Really
speaking to different Women we have all types of reasons they act they way they do. i know men have been hurt to, but not as much….from my experense ive dated where my dude at the time would break up with me to be with someone else and then get back with me. 3 times i stayed faithful honest and by his side threw whatever and never questioned just been there and i got tired of being hurt. do i leave my black men no i love em stay and be me with them. i am a women that believe if i wont another will and you best believe you wont another man will for me. i have and will cooked for my man, cleaned and massaged while watching you play the game believe me i love sports so thats not a problem. i like to consider myself a very great lady to whomever i am dating but after being left by sooooooo many men ( father included) i still Have love for them. i work 2 jobs and a hustle and still Make time for whomever i am dating if you put in the time i will…. there is no excuse and i believe that there is nothing a woman wont do for her man in love, but we have to feel safe and secure with you. know that we arent being played at the end of the day you running tellin everything to the next man that aint koo. My ex even told me i go out my way to much for a man and that is something i shouldnt as a women do. So now i am confused ? do i go out my way ? do i play coo while you deal with a slut, hoe , and even bitch ? i mean someone answer that riddle for me because i am real and im still single. getting hurt by my black men and still loving you(BM)… i just dont get it ?? i may just venture off my damn self.
Everyone is going to be mad that your own race goes to venture off and when you get done wrong so many times you can see in other races how they can possibly treat you and become curious. i do now even but i love my men. Men Communitcate and Women lets listen sqash the bull because believe it or not everyonen gives it…..lol even from different race its just a matter of time when you see it… :) Kisses to all GOODMEN and go find a hole to crawl in to the Perpetrators.
also alot of this post and the sentiments shared in it go further than just black men not getting along with black women. alot of it i believe has to do with equality of the sexes. and to me, the sexes are not equal. it is quite evident in the laws we are governed by the social mores and taboos we take in upon ourselves to follow. we are not equal.
Im a latin female. My parents are both Dominican and I was born here in New York. Its true that in the Dominican culture women are taught at an early age to care for their man and to give them the “respect they deserve” but these women are not “easy” as some have described. They too voice their oppinions and can be very independent. They are just not as demanding. As long as a man is taking care of his duties financially, emotionally, physically etc. they will treat them right. So although it may not seem like it in others eyes, it is a give and take relationship 50/50. Over the years this manner of thinking has evolved in all cultures. I feel as well as many others that if i can do for myself why bother with the drama that sometimes comes in a relationship unless your looking for love. Men despite of the race need to acknowledge that women don’t take s*** from men no more and are independent. They have to bring something worthwhile to the relationship and Im pretty sure they will find that their women will go all out for them.
I think “Latin Swaggerific 102″ kind of hit the nail on the head when she explains in so many words that as long as a man is doing his job, the Dominican woman will stand by her man. I think there are a lot of brothers out there who would still date black women if they found the right one.
I think the black culture is missing out on a great opportunity right now by ignoring a bad situation (the economy) and not making a positive thing out of it…let me briefly explain:
The day’s of prosperous living under the Clinton Administration where many women were overwhelmingly empowered with the momentum of a strong economy, increased educational opportunities and independence to live without a man have now passed. These same black women are now elbowing each other to get on dating sites, going to clubs, and even hanging out at gas stations trying to “snatch” the same black men they were bitching and rolling their eyes and neck to 15 years ago.
George Bush and his bank buddies made them think they were independent women by giving them overblown home mortgages and easy car financing. “I can do this all by myself” became their motto and many of them even turned to dating women. Most of the black women who were single mothers were so busy trying to be independent until they have produced many young girls who are totally disrespectful, rude, selfish and have no class at all…so the next generation of black women will be even worse than what we brothers already have to put up with now.
To be totally fair…black men are to blame for a lot of this by letting a small few of the elite class force Rap music and bad movies that totally direspect our women and treat them like a piece of meat.
The Great Steve Harvey recently stated that Black people are the only race in the world that produce music to totally disrespect our women which I am so ashamed to admit..but it’s true.
There is an old saying that, “If you treat people like they are _____and____, they will start to act like they are ______and ____”…You can fill in the blanks with B***** and H*** when it comes to our black culture.
Now is the time during these hard times to turn that around….start handling our business as black men, start going to college instead of prison, re-dedicate ourselves to respecting our black women and apply the “Reverse Psychology” that brings them back to reality and off that high horse many of them have been riding over the last 15 years. This will take time and a lot of patience which I don’t have a lot left nowaday’s…so I will leave the above advice for the younger brothers…In the meantime..I will continue to enjoy my beautiful, smart, and tactful Dominican sisters until their government gets smart on what us “Gringo” brothers are doing and seal the border so we can’t marry any more of their women:)…
Each culture’s approach to romantic relationships has its strengths and weaknesses. From my discussions and experience with people of various backgrounds, no culture has a winning approach to ensure a happy dating or marriage. No countries produce perfect women or men.
The mindset of “Dominican women are better then black American women” reminds me of the attitudes of those people who convert between religions. I’ve seen Christian to Muslim, Muslim to Christian, Jew to Christian, Christian to Jew, Hindu to Christian…you get the point. ANYWHOO, a trend that I notice is that converts tend to be very hard on the shortcomings of the religious order in which they were born and raised, but less critical of their new belief system. The funny thing is, most people from each group complain of the same things: gossip and nosiness, hypocrisy, and accepted conclusions whose parts don’t add up. Members who remain in their birth religion are more or less critical depending on how freely expressive they are trained to be. Same goes here. Most people I meet who make it a point to not date within their race but date people of X decent, totally turn a blind eye to the shortcomings of X people while putting the spotlight on the faults of their own people. It might be human nature. The desire to validate the blind faith that there is that perfect person, place, or thing, perhaps.
Wildflower, Although I do agree that we men can be a bit slow…lol..but I think many would concur that we have long realized that there is no such thing as the perfect woman nor do we look at relationships in a “conversion” perspective. I think the issue at hand is “COMPATIBILITY”..which is why men of all colors and backgrounds find the Dominican woman a suitable mate.
Keep in mind that white men are also very vocal about their dissatisfaction for white women( ala..marriages to Asian women and Latino women). There are Dominican women who are not marriage material who are materialistic, use their beauty to manipulate and have downright short tempers..to infer or think that men see Dominican women as perfect is a false claim.
The fact of the matter is the Dominican culture puts a strong emphasis on family and the role of the wife and husband often validated by the Catholic culture(which needs improvement here at home) and the economy of that area provides an enviroment where partnerships and teamwork is needed for survival. Although in many cases the reason for this can many times be attributed to economic conditions, it developes a very compatible woman for a man who is responsible,loyal, loving, caring, a good provider and willing to treat the woman who will let him take the lead and support his ambitions like the true queen that she is. Many black women I meet feel they no longer need to take on that role because of the “I can do this all by myself” mentality. Yes..A Dominican woman who comes to the states can fall victim to the same mentality, but more likely to stay more grounded for the sake of a happy marriage/relationship.
Many women will look at black men as turning their back on black women, but I applaud any educated
man who have the versatility and appreciation for all cultures brave enough to travel the world in search of the compatible soul mate.
So, we’ve had the back-and-forth, now to making this conversation productive:
What are the solutions to undoing this schism? I’m not saying that all black American men have to date black American women or vice versa, but I think we should definitely get rid of the “anti-black American woman (and men on other sites)” sentiment. It’s weird that people who grow up together as friends, neighbors, classmates, siblings, cousins, play cousins, and crushes become adults and then don’t like or respect each other. Because when we’re kids, it seems to be all good. That needs to be fixed. A few ideas:
1. One of the commonly cited problems is black women turning independence into an “I can do it on my own” in-your-face mean mantra. Get rid of that. Individualism is driving the world into the ground. We are all connected. And whatever you’re doing on your own, you’d be doubling, tripling, etc. if you had a partner working cooperatively with you. That’s just….math.
2. Obvi that a number of black women (and women of all races, actually) are currently doing better professionally, financially, etc. than their male counterparts. It seems to me that there is a greater gap between the sexes within the black American community. What doesn’t seem to be adding up is the fact that a number of these successful women become mothers and raise sons, so there should be some positive correlation with the increase in the average success level of the black American male. So…share your strategies with your sons and daughters. Or maybe that generation hasn’t become adults yet. A ver.
3. Black men- actually, people period- stop saying that black women are less than x, y, or z. It’s just mean. That should be reason enough.
4. All women love to be loved. And most women I know would love to be with a man who cares for them, takes care of the kids when her energy’s spent…etc. Fact is: a number of them have negative experiences which shapes the “I can do it by myself” mentality. It’s Darwinism. Organisms that stayed deep in the water never developed lungs to breath air. Most women who lack that “ICDIBM” mentality (that the men on this post seem to hate so much) do so because they grow up in a social climate that doesn’t require that adaptation. Proof this is a likely link: “ICDIBM Syndrome” seems to be gaining momentum among American women of all races as the divorce rates climb higher and higher across the board and many women find themselves having to do it on their own once their marriage ends.
Long story short: black American men should strive to create an environment that says, “We’re in this together, for real.” Men must recognize their role in producing that. As do women (see #1).
I just Googled and I can’t find any blogs by Dominican women proclaiming black American men to be superior male beings because they’re so loyal and wonderful (but yet I see a lot of sites written by black American men which touches on so many issues we don’t have time to get into right now), so… there’s room for improvement. We all know the negative statistics (not stereotypes, facts put to numbers) about black American men. So lets put those fingers away.
ALSO, recognize the difference between cultural issues and socioeconomic issues as well as the unique conditions of blacks in the United States. I grew up in a pretty well-to-do suburb of Chicago and there’s a huuuuge difference in the mentalities of the men and women there (many of which who grew up in two-parent homes to married parents with professional and financial stability as well as supportive extended families and strong ties with their religious organizations which reemphasize the importance of community) and the kids my mother taught at a high school in a more disadvantaged area where the parents were more likely to be uninvolved, single and without support from their co-parent, barely older than the kids, unstable financially and professionally, etc. So this “way” perceived as the “black woman’s way” is not that at all because ALL black women don’t act that way. 90% of the moms I grew up with were like Michelle Obama or Claire Huxtable than this nonsense you guys are throwing on me. And the fathers were awesome, too. Cliffs, Rodney Petes. They weren’t perfect people or marriages, but definitely wouldn’t inspire this hateful nonsense I’ve been reading. The shape of black American society is changing. We’re becoming more knowledgeable and able in the [corrupt] system we’re living in, secure, educated, etc. and it annoys me that everyone seems to be ignoring this shift and continue to stamp us with the negative. That’s like portraying every white person in the States as slave masters who rape black women, hate all black people and force them to work in bad conditions for free. There’s a spectrum. If they’re given some good, then give us some, too! And I don’t mean just here, I’m saying in general!
Also, note that there is a difference between being poor in a country where the middle and upper classes look like you and when they don’t. That difference is huuuuuuuge! People always neglect to recognize that US is the only colony in which the former slaves weren’t eventually left to govern and begin defining themselves. And turn to just concluding that it’s just a black American thing. I know the DR has its share of race issues, but not sure if they have had such pivotal institutionalized as movements in the US such as the WWII GI Bill conspiracy or the Pigford farmers cases.
So…everybody chill out and give black American people a break. We’ve got enough white supremacists dogging us out on the Internet (especially since Obama won. We’re REALLY takin over now! hahaha). How about we lift each other UP, instead. That’s more productive.
Alex2000 I see that you have spent aot of time analyzing the “Dominican Sista” but I have to say that of all the comments/disputes on this topic, you keep a neutral approach. Ultimately beauty is left to the eye of the beholder. Us women as well as the men have to rebuild our collapsed philosphies on hookin up.
NyCityMama your soo right about the Dominican man. Many, not all are players which is why Dominican women tend to look out of their race. Lets keep in mind that men will be men and it does happen in all other races, just differently. The Dominican man has been spoiled by the dedicated ways of the Dominican women that they feel that what we do is a must(latin ego).These men very rarely believe in giving to a realtionship like helping around the house, raising children(other than discipline), and showing a loving layed back side of them. Dont misunderstand me now, there has been some change in the younger Dominican males but only in a few. Overall I must say that these are my views and I dont expect approval from others. This is intended for others who may have experienced these type of issues.
This totally shows my “grass is greener”/”turn a blind eye to your new religion” argument. LatinSwagg says many Dominican men are players and that’s why Dominican women date outside of their race (i.e. black American men for this topic). Black American women say many black American men are players. So the Dominican woman does fine with the black American players? You think suddenly these black American men stop being players when they meet Dominican women? Or only non-players go after these women? Of course not! It’s perspective and expectations. The new religion rose-colored glasses.
Soo..LatinSwaggerific 102..based on your observation, I’m wondering if you feel that American men (black or white Gringo’s) bring more to the table when it comes to dating or marrying a Dominican woman since you agree with NYCityMama?
Damn…I’m so happy that the majority of the Dominican sista’s I have met don’t act like NYCityMama. Seems like she is touched with a bit of “Stolhomme Syndrome” and have caught the black sista fever) . Whenever I travel to the DR, I know a lot of those sista’s who were raised to hear no evil and see no evil and put up with the abuse, but at least they are strong enough and have the self confidence to know that maybe there is something better for them out there even if it means leaving the country to marry a foreign man(Granted he is indeed a sincere and responsible man with trustful intentions). Sounds like she prefers to have a Dominican woman just stay and be sentenced to a life of unhappiness and brutal hell. :(
Yes.. you are correct in saying beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, which is why I don’t understand the resentment and nasty comments on this post about men who simply find Dominican women compatible with their dreams and goals( We are actually a small minority because many men have been burned by Dominican sista’s who were gold diggers and wanted a Green card ). I know personally that that is not true and many of them would prefer to just have a good man marry and stay with them in the DR). I myself personally would never just want a piece of a** to cook and clean for me..actually my last relationship with a DR sista was more of a partnership (which lasted 10 years) and a situation whereby she was the “anchor” and provided the love and motivation that encouraged me to work hard to be the best man that I could be for her. The mutual respect and open communication still exist to this day.
It’s funny how caucasion men have been dating outside their race for generations and you never hear a lot of flak from caucasion women, but if a black man decides to travel outside the country to find compatibility and true love ( Lets not forget…Over 89% of black men STILL date and marry black women) All hell breaks loose and we are accused of turning our backs on our women and other insane and paranoid delusions.
Alex 2000. It is true that men have been burnt by golddiggers(any race) but women to have been burnt by these macho insensitive men. I have had the chance to see both worlds(in and out of the race) Out of the race has given me a better outcome and allowed me to be independent and at the same time a good women to my man(although he takes total advantage) lol. But its hard to understand the values across other cultures and can make the relationship shaky at times.
Latin Swaggerific 102. Finally, a woman who is making sense and talking about the Real Issues on this post…lol. Despite what many people have written on this post to assume that some of us black men are dissing our black American sista’s is way out of line. Hell..my Mom is a black American woman and I have sisters who show their strength, intelligence and beauty everyday. So to just put “ALL” black women in the same pot is totally ignorant for anyone who think that that is what black men are doing on this post (Or at least I’m speaking for myself). Not all black women act the way myself and many have described and we should all know by now that the MEDIA play a big part in hiding the truth that we have a whole lot of Bill Cosby Hustables, Michelle Obama women who are very successful. intelligent and don’t have the SWAS (Sista with an Attitude Syndrome).
You can go to the ATL, and I can identify thousands of nice available black American sista’s.
I just happen to be more attracted to my Dominican Sista’s and it has nothing to do with the exotic itch. I have dated Asian, African, Brazilian and a mixed woman from Nigeria.
I travel a lot so I have been blessed with the opportunity to see and experience different cultures.
And from all of my experience with this subject, there is a lot to be said about the Dominican woman and the culture itself. The Dominican people are genuine. They are a very” Proud “people and manage to keep a smile on their face and will not hesitate to greet you no matter how hard times may be. Family is very important and any man that has actually been with a Dominican woman like I have will know very quickly that “She” is actually the anchor and the boss of that house, so for those guys who think dating a Dominican queen is a way to have power over someone..you better think again…
So when you take into account their pride,happy upbeat personality and love of music (I also play in a samba band and love meringue), why is it so wrong for a Black man to desire a Dominican woman if indeed she is the right woman for him? All races have their disagreement among the sexes and I think the media sometimes give the perception that a great rift is among black men and women. If all of that is true, then why do 89% of all black men still marry black women? And oh..by the way..50% of ALL races of marriage in America ends in divorce. So both men and women are at fault with shortcomings. I believe that “To each his own” and I just happen to be one black American male who find a Dominican woman compatible for more deeper reasons.
There is no reason for numbered solutions on getting black men and black women together unless one is racist or a bigot and believe that a person should only date and marry their own race or only people in their own country (Which would be very sad for those Dominican women who have found true love outside of their country). I think the solution is to respect any man or woman who is willing to give constructive criticism and be honest enough to honestly explain his or her preference for the opposite sex without being labeled a trader to his or her race.
@Alex: I agree that people who think everyone should only date within their race/nationality are bigots. And I also think that anyone who got that from my post must be illiterate. Or dyslexic. Try reading again. (I’m Guyanese and 1/2 my maternal family is Afro-Guyanese and the other side Indo-Guyanese so I have no interracial dating issues.) The idea is not that black American women and men should date and marry only each other; the point I’m making is that there should not be such a conflict between groups of people that there are blog posts titled “Do Black Men Prefer Dominican Women Over American Women?” followed by why black American women aren’t as great as someone else. If the title of the post was “Are Dominican Women Awesome?” The answer would be “Yes!” Most women are awesome no matter where they’re from. But once you put that comparison in there- no matter how much you say love your mother- you imply “because black women are bad or not good enough in x,y, or z ways.” Your comment “You can go to the ATL, and I can identify thousands of nice available black American sista’s.” is probably the first positive thing that you’ve said about black American women. But then you continue on with why you prefer Dominican women which messes you up:
“The Dominican people are genuine. They are a very” Proud “people and manage to keep a smile on their face and will not hesitate to greet you no matter how hard times may be. Family is very important and any man that has actually been with a Dominican woman like I have will know very quickly that ‘She’ is actually the anchor and the boss of that house…”
Writing this after you state that you prefer Dominican women over black women IMPLIES that black women lack these qualities or aren’t as good. That’s the definition of preference. I know many black women and men who possess these same qualities, so that’s why I don’t get where you’re coming from. The subject of the post is Dominican vs. black American women. I’ve dated many people of different races and while there are aspects of every culture that appeal to me, I never think to write a post starting with, “This is better than with a black American man because….” As I said, my family’s diverse, so I don’t have those hang-ups.
Are Dominican women awesome? Yes! Are black women awesome? Yes! You don’t see your hang-up because you don’t want to. Your insistence of “Dominican women! Dominican women! Dominican women!” is just proof of your ignorance. Did you marry the first Dominican woman you dated? If so, then you have too small of a sample size to judge and if you didn’t, then not every Dominican woman is oh-so-compatible with you. If you had the correct perspective, your answer would be, “My girlfriend/wife is Dominican, but that has nothing to do with Dominican women being better or worse than black American women. I just met her and she’s awesome. And she happens to be Dominican. And I love her. The end.” That has been my attitude towards my boyfriends, whatever their background.
“50% of ALL races of marriage in America ends in divorce. So both men and women are at fault with shortcomings” I KNOW! Learn to read, yo! That’s what I said.
Lists are helpful. It’s not about dating and it’s not just about black American people. There are ways to better relations between blacks and whites in the workplace in the US, Israelis and Palestinians in the Middle East, the haves and have-nots in many of our big cities. Open your mind and see the problem. It’s not your Dominican girlfriend; it’s your mentality that she’s better than a black woman. And it’s not me that said it, look at the top of the page.
@Wildflowerchild…You did a lot of writing but no clear points that make any sense. First of all, the title of this post is:DO BLACK MEN PREFER DOMINICAN WOMEN OVER AMERICAN WOMEN with the key word being PREFER. It’s a thing called Websters and it’s even online nowaday’s so maybe you should check the definition out. PREFER simply means to like better or best. Guys have posted reasons why and if the shoe fits…well you know the rest of the story.
There are folks like you who apply dysfunctional reasoning that infers that if a black man likes a Dominican sista that he is inferring that black American sista’s are all bad . So with that twisted thinking, it’s easy to attack someone for being honest. candid and direct in why they prefer someone or something(which in this case, it’s Dominican women). So on that note, maybe YOU need to look at the post and read over ALL of my postings and what I have said. If you can read clearly without prejudice, you can see that I have not blatantly dogged out black women…I even posted earlier that black men are to blame for a lot of the relationship problems..but I’ll let you read it..no need to repeat myself .
Try to follow me on this: I love black women. Many are beautiful and intelligent. Many have way’s and demeanors that I am dissatisfied with. I know many who are good people. But I am human and live in a country free to choose who I date and marry so I PREFER DOMINICAN sista’s and find them compatible.
So what part of what I am trying to explain that you dont understand? or do you even understand the concept of freedom of choice? And yes..the x,y,z, listing is for folks who are intelligent enough to take constructive criticism..not folks like you who want to assume that it’s an attack on a certain gender.
For example: No human is perfect..so I strive to be the best that I can be. But as a black man, we have been labelled by “Some” black women and the Media as : Lazy, Can’t keep a job, untrustful, criminals, drug dealers, purse snatchers, absent fathers, dope smokers, cheap and cheaters to our women. I don’t take that as an assault on black men by black women because I can dispel that as a myth for Many black men…and for those that it does apply to..”If the shoot fits, wear it” and i hope that anyone with those characteristics try to fix their life and be a better black man.
So any black women that is reading this post and read some of the things that you perceive as pitting American sista’s against Dominican sista’s will know instantly that if the criticism does not apply to her or the crowd of girls that she rolls with, then she’s more than likely smart enough to assume that the black men on this post didn’t just make this $hi* up and that there are some black women who fit the bill…just not her and her crew. So sweetie…no need to defend or create that which is not there . I like some Toyota’s (even though some of them have bad break pedals), but I PREFER to own a Mercedes (even though I also realize they don’t make the perfect car..but damn near close to it ):) because it’s more compatible with my wants and needs. And DON’T TRIP…I Aint comparing no woman to a car ..I’ll leave that to Art Kelley..lol…just trying to let you see that no man or women should be afraid to defend their preference no matter what race of partner they prefer, especially when true love and happiness is concerned…Tchau
I want to invite you to be a part of a support group on Facebook. It is called American and Hispanic Latino couples. We need more Black males to give us their experiences on being with Dominican Women. Here is the address.
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=104100832536
I was married to a sister, who like me was born and raised in Harlem. I worked hard doing two jobs for many years to afford a good life for me and my family. This was done a cost. I was rarely home and she worked full time as well. Our quality time was nonexistent. Not long ago I stopped working so hard and began to enjoy the fruits of my labor. By this time she already found someone new. We were together for more than 20 years before she decided to “stick a fork in it”. Without throwing mud, I can say that it was both our faults.
That being said, I than had the freedom of traveling around the world in search of something new, not because I didn’t like our Black sisters, but I wanted to see what else was out there. In my travels, I found I was receptive to the stunning women in Africa, Brazil and, the Dominican Republic. Anyone of these countries can be an American Black man’s paradise. But the Dominican Republic had its advantages being only a commuter trip away (3 hours from NYC)
In the Dominican Republic78% of Dominicans are mixed. I found women in all shades, from very light to very dark, but with a different attitude. To sum it up, the Latin side teaches these women to be family oriented and supportive of the men. I was receptive to this new feeling, something that I had always wished for.
My search for the one for me went deep into the Dominican country side. Although a majority of the people live in poverty, life there is sample and in no way as portentous as life in America. I’ve heard many horror stories from many people I chatted with on the matter and there are some bad apples. My suggestion to brothers looking to hitch up is always protect yourself and your money. If you are from the streets, you will know when someone is trying to play you.
I believe that “American life” has divided many Black families. There is no one gender fault. (This is a whole other topic.) However, I found a woman there who has provided nothing but joy. I married her. She has helped to make my life simpler and happier.
@Remyman..Brother, I feel you on that one and wish you and your new partner the best of luck. I have been very fortunate to have the opportunity to retire in a year at a middle age and have sold my home and purchased a nice modest home by the beach in a family-centered community in the U.S. My new Dominican queen whom I met 2 years ago was able to come to the U.S. shortly on a tourist visa and she loves the area and is very excited about starting a family. No long work hours for me(although I will start a modest business) and she prefers to stay at home and raise a family.
I am by no means a rich man and can offer mainly my love, loyalty, respect, open communication and friendship to this special woman in my life. She understands that totally and she even refused to go to dinner one night at a 4-star restaurant while visiting and suggested we order a pizza instead and take a walk along the beach afterward.
She has never been attracted to what kind of car I drive or what kind of money I spend on her for a date and she prefers gifts made by hand and handwritten letters because she knows it comes from the heart…..just naturally interested and feeling ME for ME. She works in a clothing shop in the DR and knows how to handmake and design womens wear and she dresses like a million bucks and takes care of her weight and appearance at all times unlike a lot of sista’s who will “Let it all Go” as soon as they get the ring on the finger and the marriage license in hand.
So I look forward to living on the beach, raising kids and not having a time consuming job take away quality time to the family and my Dominican queen.
The fact that she prefers to stay home and let me handle the business side is a plus also..keeps her from being poisioned by some women that think a job and career is alway’s the key to independence (when in fact, playing in the “Rat Race” of long hour jobs, coming home tired with menstrual cramps and a headache or mad because your boss or co-workers pissed you off can in many times prevent a woman from having a quality relationship and finding true happiness with a man…even worse if she comes with a ready-made family and have to give what little attention and patience she has left to those kids after a long day…therefore many of my American brotha’s get NO LOVE and then sista’s wonder why some brotha’s cheat.
I do realize that nowaday’s many sista’s have no choice but to work(after irresponsibly having 4 kids with 4 different Baby Daddy’s which she had no intention of marrying in the first place and many won’t even demand court ordered child support..go figure…). But I have found out that there are brotha’s like me who are responsible, loving, caring and will stand by their woman all the way as long as I know she is supportive of me. And oh..by the way..I do believe in the same concept that families have when I lived in Germany..being that a wife at home raising kids is REAL WORK requiring some kind of compensation.
A husband who is not weekly or monthly providing for her financial endeavors (whether it’s money to shop, a weekly spa visit. save for a rainy day, money for education ,travel etc.) is alway’s in order even if she refuses . The partnership is utterly so important (I can change diapers, cook, clean, and realize that even housewifes need a break many times)..but unfortunately, guys like me are not in big demand by the mordern-day American sista..good thing I have alway’s had a Preference for Dominican sista’s anyway…Take care
I was reading your comments on the fly guy forum. You stated that you were involved with a Dominican woman. I am African American and my husband is Mexican. They cater to their women too, in a way that American Black males do not. I want to invite you to be a part of a support group on Facebook. It is called American and Hispanic Latino couples. We need more Black males to give us their experiences on being with Dominican Women. Here is the address.
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=104100832536
Alex 2000 and Remyman.You have summed up this whole dispute(as it seems)with genuine words that I believe come from the heart. Just treat your ladies(my hermanas)right. I wish the best for both of you and a long prosperous relationship filled with love.
Whoever said that Dominican women are nice to men if you give them “mucho dinero” is completely wrong. Here we go again with the stereotypes. There’s good and bad people everywhere. I’m Dominican and I don’t treat my man right because of money. I got my own money. So please if you are all going to comment on this topic stop stereotyping dominicans, african americans or whoever. Everyone is unique and not everybody in DR is as poor as to sell their soul just for a few bucks.
wow, new story for you guys. i got this new math class im about to start on fridays. so like im going in for the first day and its a nice little miz of different types of people it and what not. but there is this fat ghetto fabulous chick in the class looking at me as soon as i sit down. in my head im like, “oh boy, here we go again. i wonder whats going to happen in the next couple of weeks?” now this chick looks like she put mad work into how she looks but i can tell she is like one step away from the hood(i know, thats so not nice, judgemental, nasty, or whatever words or phrases you wanna use.)
so the class starts and the teacher gives us some problems to work on for a few minutes. so after that we start to go over what we did and like she seemed to have a few problems with the questions. so like this south african girl who was sitting in front of her like turns back and helpfully explains the solution to her(all nice like) the chick just gets real defensive like, “oh dont get it twisted, i dont need your help, why you assuming i need help?” just as soon as the girl turned back to help her. she straight up flipped out. im beginning to notice a sad trend,lol.
I notice this sort of thing all the time in younger BW. I don’t understand it. If anything that you relay about that exchange is true, it seemed completely unnecessary for the sister to react in such a manner.
I am a Black American woman who is single, never married, no children and have furthered my education to a Master’s degree level. I don’t mind saying that I am not hard to look at either. I have been told that I have a “delightful” personality, so I don’t carry an “attitude.”
I had taken a 5-year break from dating fand recently tried again. I dated 2 Black American men. I am sorry to say that it is more of the same BS that drove me from dating in the first place, meaning that I have been stood up by both men with no explanation and no further contact with either one of them.
I cannot help but wonder if these men are somewhere extolling the virtues of Brasilian women or Dominican women while saying how Black American women have bad attitudes.
SMH…
Guys, I think we all have to understand that “The Revolution will not be telivised”, but only the perception and manipulation by the powers that be to control and make us think things are true.
This black woman with an attitude stuff all started as we laughed and watched the characters “Florence” on “The Jeffersons”, Aunt Esther on “Sanford and Son”, Shrley on “What’s Happening”, or Willona on “Good Times”…not to include the daytime Soap Opera commercials that alway’s included some black ole lady with an attitude talkin about how clean your floors could be if you use a certain product.
These women that the black community couldn’t wait to watch on the next episode were bossy, manipulating and inflexible on attitudes and emotions at all times.
Viewers who were not of color and never associated with people of color often watched these shows and it gave the perception that “ALL” black women were this way and they had no associations (other than having to work on the job with some blacks) with people of color to verify whether or not the BWWAA (Black Woman with an attitude) was a myth, generalization, or just plain false. As both black and white Americans watched these shows on T.V., it became ingrained in everyones psyche that that behavior was in fact typical of a black woman (Even blacks who knew different drank the Cool-Aid).
Then along comes the epidemic of teenage pregnancies in overwhelming numbers by young black women in the late 80″s and throughout the 90′s. (havent checked the numbers lately but i hope this rate has decreased over the years). Many young black pregnant teens found a cruel world unsympathetic to black pregnant teens. Many Politicians quickly fought to reduce welfare rolls and hand-out programs. As a coping mechanism, the black woman reached out for what she had been seeing all along on T.V. that even had mothers emulating these characters with a hard outter shell and tough.
Now black men have almost 2 generations of Aunt Esthers, Florence, and Shirley’s to deal with….
Hopefully, there will be a day when some of these black women realizes that it’s O.K. to be a woman with class, style, and flexibility.
Western society has taught us that it’s alway’s the man that has to bear the cross and settle for whatever a woman throws his way because it’s a womans job to be happy and a man’s job to do what it takes to make that happen. Well, I have tired of that myth a long time ago and will never apologize for travelling and searching for a woman that actually makes me content and happy..despite the fact that many want to make that look as if it’s a bad thing if a man goes out to seek someone that actually makes them happy..no matter the race, creed, citizenship or anything else. It will take more T.V. shows to change our psyche and enlighten us to the fact that there are a lot of great sisters out there but unfortunately I never found any that had not drank the Cool-Aid and they are more materialistic than ever nowaday’s..I hear that black women are making their partners pay out 500 to 1000 dollars for weaves now…glad i don’t have that problem with my Dominican queen who loves the natural and curly look and she even does her own nails:)
Well, if you are happy with the person you are with, who can argue? However, I would contend that this issue is way deeper than characters (or caricatures) on television or the wearing or not wearing of hair weaves, extensions, etc. Although I personally do not wear weaves (not knocking anyone who does), I do have a penchant for getting manicures, pedicures and facials. . I have NEVER asked a boyfriend to pay for these services. I have been told that I have a “delightful” personality and I have a good sense of humor, which I like to share. I tend to be low-key, no drama and I like making my man feel good about himself and to feel good to be in my presence. So why am I getting stood up for dates?
hahaha, i just had this thought after reading your post Casey. maybe im only seeing or perceiving these bad incidents because i might be actually looking for them or have been to influenced by past situations. i might be missing out on all the good and nice BBBEW that are floating around in the city!? maybe, maybe not. sort of an NLP Thing. mental reframing: not putting to much importance on a given event or situation. hahahahahah maybe she was just having a really bad day, but then again that seems to be happenening a hell of a lot with certain types of women( And men).
i wonder if any of these conversations that are posted on these blogs find there way to the general populous to contemplate in some way? like we can talk about the injustice of this and the unfareness of that until we are all blue in the face but it wont do jack if we dont bring something like this to the fore front in african american relations. damn,hahahahahahaha, its so bad we have to learn how to relate to ourselves hahahaha!?!?
Hmm..I have noticed that black men seem to be the guys I attract the most, and I’m Dominican, but to be honest, I am just not attracted to black men at all. And I’ve noticed many black men seem to be disrespectful if I walk by saying inappropriate things, but I never respond. So it may be true that it’s just for physicality many times, and is why I tend to not be attracted to black men for relationship purposes. Friendship wise, I don’t care..I befriend anyone who has similar interests to me. Also, I just prefer to date within my culture even though I am an American born Dominican. I don’t want to lose touch with my roots.
um the saying inappropriate things to you when you pass by is understandable once you take what they say in context to the situation. from what i learned from the “brothas” is that when a guy(either regular joe smo or d block hakim) decides to approach a girl or women for some reason( gee, i wonder why that could be?) and puts his best foot forward, they get straight up ignored or actually disrespected in some fashion. it has happened to me plenty of times and im actually one of the good ones( educated, moderatly attractive, no prison record, ect). this trend began to create another one when the guys start to realize that no matter how nice or polite a man can be, for some reason the ladies wont respond.
now i took a little break from chasing after women who wont give me the time of day and did a little of social experimenting and came to realize there are a number of mitigating factors why women wont respond to men courting them on the street in public. a few basic well know reasons are 1) looks, and that falls into 2 deeper categories, physical looks and then appearance. they may have a boy friend, which is plausible to a certain extent( meaning that as last i checked, i think 70 percent of black women are single and the ratio to black men and women is a little uneven). the other reasons that i have concluded is that one, women are more apprehensive of dealing with people in public than anyone else. they are operating from a position of disadvantage because of any number of reason and theories. this makes it harder for them to be open to the advances of strangers. second, they might have problems dealing with people, period. hense the stuck up attitudes and such.this has cause a change in how men of color( black men and spanish) approach women. ive heard it been said that its better to get some type of reaction than no reaction at all. and if your skilled enough, you can turn that anger and bitter attitude and direct it and change it into something positive. stir the emotions, change them, then direct them any way you want. still this isnt an excuse for what happens, only an explaination.
I was born and raised in The Bahamas and I can tell you alot about sleeping with tourist but not for money,my wife and i were friends for six years before we were engage to be married without even sharing a kiss she is an african american woman,with all of the issues that comes with that and extra stress and controll issues that comes with climbing the cooperate ladder as an african american woman.,I myself was raised by a single motheron crack in the hood , with seven other kids , this was no excuse for me or any of my siblings to follow in her footsteps, but to learn from her mistakes .,
i have dated three dominican ladies and two jamacian ladies and a few african american ladies, and a few others from differant places i came to one conclusion , if the relationship is base on filling the void in our heart with things and other people , we will always craving and feel that emptiness,and feel that loniness my wife and i have know eachother for 16 years and have been married for 10 years ,do we argue fuss and fight hell yeah ,but thats not an excuse for me to go sleep with anyone because I may have gotten my feelings or my manhood hurt , I,m a black man I,m 6’7″ I,m educated and I DON,T sleep around.
I’m sorry Black Women but most of you are abrasive.I met my Dominican wife in January 2008 while I was in the Dominican Republic for my friends wedding.He was marrying his Dominican Lady of 3 years.We were married a year later and guess what?No problems out of her.Dominican women work with you and not against you.She and most Dominicanas just want a decent man that cares for them and doesn’t constantly cheat.We will be living in Puerto Plata in less than a year when I retire.She has no problem cooking and cleaning and chilling instead of illing.Black Women are so lazy in this country.I gave up on them about 8 years ago and I’m glad.These Napzillas wonder why 70% of them are single.
[...] Do Black Men Prefer Dominican Women Over American Women? – The Fly … [...]
just had a good conversation with some strangers i see off and on and they pretty much tell a similar story to what we are discussing now. this one guys basically spelled it out by saying it has something to do with upbringing, the whole independent attitude flaunted by women now a days, and the lust for power. since women(black) dont need men anymore as apposed to other cultures who try to build relationships around wanting a family, todays black women will go after whatever only to see what she can get out of it.
“Men are taught to apologize for their weaknesses, women for their strengths.” (Lois Wyse)
So all those men in the article and those who left one-sided comments, owe me an apology for being too weak to handle a strong woman with goals.Don’t worry, I forgive you. “Men forget but never forgive. Women forgive but never forget.” (Unknown) So run on to where you feel you can do what you want when you want. Have fun, since life is just one big game to you. I don’t think even Dominican women will tolerate you too long either once she realizes what many of you are truly about. ( Food, sex, and video games!!) For those gentlemen who work for a living, play games occasionally, get great affection and loving and enjoy a hot meal from a woman who sees your value and you her’s, thank you and this comment is not intended for you, because you understand that you have to earn a woman’s respect and trust, then there is nothing she won’t do for you.(MOST OF US)
I read the article with the opinions from the guys who compared woman to woman. I believe all people have a competitive nature of some sort. I do not agree that we as black women try to compete with men, I do believe that many of us are very accomplished and very confident to the point where; we don’t allow meritocracy in our lives at all. Why should I apologize for that? I believe many men, ( I won’t say all ) have become too lazy to work towards being deserving of a strong, confident, hardworking woman who has values that she won’t break. Many men are very self absorbed and competitive themselves by nature. It’s either their way, or you’re considered some nagging woman with issues or baggage. Don’t get me wrong, many women do have baggage they haven’t addressed but so do many men. There is room for growth in lots of people. Men love to eat, screw, play video games and if he’s not doing much else and get’s called out on it, sure he’s going to bounce. Why would he want to be reminded of the fact that you’re no dummy? It’s a sad day when a man starts looking for ways to get something for nothing, and that’s all this is; an excuse to not have to listen to the thoughts and views of a woman; but to just have the freedom to hop in bed and do what you won’t with no real connection at all.
“You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him discover it in himself.” Galileo Galilei
No matter how hard a woman tries, she will never be able to master the craft of getting a man to truly understand the concept behind being a good, strong, loyal, patient and loving man. He has to decide that’s who “HE” wants to be. Until then, he’ll run around playing what ever game he feels he can win. If you start telling him what the rules are, sorry he’s gone. He prefers a game he can win, not one which requires effort and has rules.
WORD!!!!!
first, i would have to complement you on your usage of quotes. very well said(if not truly said at all,lol)
second, im sorry but coming from a very masoganistic and narcistic point of view, of course a women would create or come up with such a quote to place herself and others of her ilk on a pedastal of some sort. yes, of course men are weak, what dimension are you from? you mean emotionally weak? um we dont break down at work and cry like children to get our way when something goes wrong, or open up like little sissies to everyone and spout our problems to every tom dick and harry who will listen to us complain and moan. give or take the worst of us and the best of us from both our world and you’ll actually see who is weaker in whatever respects you wanna bring up.
next, its always trying to force the guy to be the way you want him to be instead of excepting him the way he is. we as men except you the way you are, nagging and all, just so we can get between the thighs. granted that its not the most noble of intentions but it shows how simple we are as creatures. give us what we need and you get what you want. simple damn bloody equation. why not try playing those video games with that guy and see why he finds it so fun to play? when you take note of a basic relationship between a couple, do you hear anything about the guy saying ” i wish you would stop playing video games!’ or ” get a job u damn bum!” ? no you dont because we give you room to do you and we play that role of caretaker and provider. so if your this independent women type who is so successful and all that, why dont you pull a ‘BROTHA” up to your level. help him get that job, finish his college education, start that business, ect. since you got education, the good paying job, and in some cases your own business, become that provider and foundation of the house hold and carry a brother until he is able to walk and be on the same level with you.
everytime i bring these issues up, no body answeres. its just the same thing over and over again. the man dont work, smokes weed, eats and sleeps all day. but thats what women want to do which is why they look out for and hunt for men who are educated, have good jobs, and are rich. yet you dont want to give up those social “perks” and cultural rules of ettiqute we readily permit you to have. key word, ‘PERMIT” by social rules and also laws put into place by men to protect you from the worst of us. everything you do and everything you are is protected by a thin veil of illusion that women keep forgetting can be taken away at anytime because truth be told, women are the weaker sex. you can quote any statistic or demographic you want on the subject by you exist in the state your in because men allow it. go to some third world country or a few of those arabic countries were the women cant wear certain types of clothing or must wear clothing that makes them in some cases not even human and tell me men have to do this and that to accommadate you. or go to some west african countries were women are bloody raped pretty much every single day and tell me its not fare that men can do this and that. this issue is far more deeper than most people will ever realize but are to ethically and philosophically immature to face such and issue.
All who have a biblical world view will acknowledge that all people are descendants from Adam and after the flood Noah, Shem, Ham and Japheth. In the big scheme of things we are all a part of the same race which is the human race. In contemporary times what divide the descendants of Adam are race, religion, culture and socio-economic status and personal values. People within the same group often times connect with one another. People can be of different races but connect because they have the same personal values ECT.
Specifically as it relates to Domnicanas all are not prostitutes. To say that all Dominicanas are prostitutes is to say that all African American women are “Gold Diggers” that simply is not true. They are women just like other women born into a the Latin American culture that in general has a different set of values as it relates to relationships than the U.S. This amongst many other factors makes Dominicanas attractive to some Afro American men.
Finally the Dominican Republic is on the island of Hispaniola. Hispaniola was the first port of call for Christopher Columbus when he discovered the new world. After Christopher Columbus and his crew exploited the native Tiano Indians killing them through disease and war Columbus and his crew started importing African slaves to the island. Hispaniola subsequently became the portal of the slave trade to the new world. My point is that slavery existed on the island of Hispaniola more than 100 years before it came to the U.S. Therefore most Dominicanos are descendants of the West African slave trade just like Afro Americans. As a matter of fact it would be accurate to refer to most Dominicanos as Afro Latinos. With that said perhaps we have more in common with the people of the Dominican Republic than we realize…I’m just sayin…
um i know this is probably for another discussion but i believe if we all did decend from adam then who were those other tribes of people that cain ran into when he was caste away from his family? please respectfully keep biblical examples out of this debate( or atleast the ones that dont make any sense.)
Mr. Cronos, I apologize if I offended you with the biblical reference. Unfortunately you missed the point; which was that all humans have in common the link to the first man whatever you want to call him. The thought continued with the introduction of slavery to the island of Hispanola which is now the Dominican Republic. Approximately 150 years later African slaves were introduced to the U.S. Both groups of slaves intergrated with their European slave masters producing a varity of skin colors from deep chocolate to vanilla. This is one of the reasons that Dominicans have features that are similar to Afro Americans. My point was that Afro Americans and a significant number of Dominicans have fundamentaly the same geneology as Afro Americans. In essence figurativley speaking we are cousins. The rest of the relevance to the conversation should be obvious…
@ Dane…Great observation when looking at the past history of Dominican history. Unfortunately, many Dominicans are unaware of the reality that occurred due to past leaders who went to great efforts to erase all African affiliation and base the pecking order they practiced over the years which has alway’s been based on the color of your skin. You can have brothers of different skin color, but the lighter skinned brother closer to being white will have more opportunity to go to a better school or get employment…kind of like the way it used to be in the U.S. before we became more enlightened.
Truth is…these are our sisters and brothers who just happen to live about a 3plus hour plane ride from Miami Florida. American sista’s could learn a lot from Dominican sista’s and trust me…economics is the ONLY reason for the perception that Dominican women are easy or prostitutes.
These women are smart, beautiful, full of life and ambitious just like any other woman.
From personal experience, I find that these women “embrace” fully the satisfaction of being a woman and all the wonderful attributes inherent in that role. They come from the islands close to the sea whereby anyone with experience living in such an area, there will alway’s be a peaceful, calm, “No Drama” vibe in a persons personality. This makes for clear concentration of providing and focusing on true love of your man and prioritizing your man, children, and family first before riches, cars, and material things.
My friends who date American sista’s now tell me it’s to the point whereby these sista’s want the house, car, career, and if they could..they would even walk around with a strap-on all day just to feel manly..basically almost to the point to where there is no room for a brotha to even prove that he can be the right man for them..really sad.
Mr. Cunningham, no offense taken. your repose’ was a much better response.
Gracias, hay no problema.
Wow! I guess you just have to say be careful out theyr’e boys. You do know you are playing with fire i hope. Hiv, aids and all kinds of diseases run rampid out there. This i know from a first hand source. Of course, money speaks loudly so she may not be so willing to give you her real personal info. You could argue here that the same thing could happen to you here, but when it’s alll said and done we really do have more resources available. A pretty face, and a servant for a week is not really worth a lifetime of pain. I’m speaking to you youmg gents, and not so young gents with wives and girlfriends and families to consider or to anyone who values their lives more. Think first there are many young black women who know how to take care of her man, clean house, take care of their families, go to work and pay her bills without having to spread her legs to do so. So if that’s all its about than by all means do what you have to because spreading your legs does not take much brain power and hey if that’s all you want then my young sisters may not be what your looking for anyhow! And please respect a sister when you decide you need a person on your level and get yourselves checked out before you begin a relationship back here with the sisters.
@ tinkerbell511…..How dare you disrespect my people like that? why are you saying Dominican people have aids and other STD’s as if African Americans and many other people around the world don’t? Give your God Damn opinion without insulting and disrespecting others and stick to the point. If a black guy wants to be with a dominican woman for whatever reason then so be it…..we are free to do whatever we want to do……IDIOTA
Ms Tinkerbell511 your post implies that most Dominicanas are promiscuous therefore vulnerable to HIV. I believe the stats will illustrate there is more HIV in the US per capita. More importantly a person could conclude after reading your post that the motivation for traveling to the DR is easy sex. True sex is available in the DR however DR is also a country that is predominatley Roman Cathlolic with many who take their faith seriously. To presume Dominicanas are promiscuous is like presuming that Afro American men are thugs. There is a President in the US that prooves that wrong just like there are many Dominicanas that walk in virtue and faith.
I’m a Dominican woman who is dating a black man. First, I have a job, I own a house, and I love my black man. Second, I think black women should have more sex with their men. Black women when you talk to your men please do the sweet talking, and make love to them, and I promise they wont go my country. One more thing not all dominican women are light skin with good hair, and for all those haters I’m not living my black man sex is amazing.
Do you think black people smell like fermented purple onions?