The Black Woman Dating Double Standard

Totally depends on where you live. In my hometown you’re just as likely to see white man/black woman couples as you are black. man/white female couples and the response is about the same, whether positive or negative.

No, black men give me just as much shade. Ignorance knows no race or gender. I say do you and the hell with everyone else. I’m a black woman who loves people who are respectful, honest, giving, intelligent, etc. Race nor your opinion matters to me. If you are not in my life or contributing to my well being, you can kick rocks.

side note: just read twitter. I have never encountered so many crude, rude, pathetic, overly sensitive, homophobic, racist, sorry excuse for men in one place in my life. Just because you think it, does not mean you should tweet it. A woman loves the way you carry yourself. Not on topic, but this mess been annoying me. If you changed those flawed, malignant character traits, your sorry behind may be able to log off and actually find someone instead of belittling, degrading those who do and being sexist toward women who would not want you if you were the last man on earth. endeth rant.

Used to matter, but who cares or mind anymore? People are people, date who you want. Get in where you fit in.

Black women who still get upset need to get a grip.

At of those women, are international. Only in America does racial issues like this matter. Only in America does race win over cultural backgrounds. I personally love all men or every flavor, and I have gotten the craziest stares from Black Men while out of dates. I had one man sit next to me, and try to clown my date all night. I mean it goes both ways.

Alot of people who can’t see that sometimes you can’t help falling in love walk down one track and they are single-minded. Can’t see anything past their nose. It annoys me I get called an Oreo everyday not even for dating outside my race but because I would rather read a book on the history of some unknown person who actually made a change, then sit in the night club, or get drunk all the time. Some blacks don’t know any better, and what they don’t know they just accept that they know it.

Every race has it’s issues and the more and more you look into it its issues that any human can have, and while I’m not niave to what has happened in the past, the black struggle isn’t the only struggle. There are genocides going on until this day on alot of other races, ruthless people seeking havoc and pain on people everyday. So once people realize that, they will becoming enlighted and realize that everybody has had a struggle.

Okay I won’t say this is the only place that cares about race, but we are the ones that worry the most, alot of family lives abroad and alot of us are mixed race. I can go somewhere out of the states, and mention that I’m West Indian, end of story. I mentioned to a friend here, and he goes “Your still black, yours still a nigger, don’t try to sugarcoat it” …needless to say, I never called back again because I’m way to proud to call myself West Indian American because I do know where my family traces back to, even what parts of Africa they were brought from during the slave trade.

Yes. There is a double standard when it comes to black men and women dating outside of our race.
Here’s my reasoning why it seems to not be okay when a black man steps out.

We are all aware that there is a really wide margin of eligible african american men for us to choose from
(the MAJORITY are as we know fall into many classifications that make them available to us: examples..incarcerated, gay, “not ready to be committed” etc.) This is nothing new.. the few that do not fall into the cateogories are “commodities. So as a woman, when i see one with a woman outside of our race.. its like “dang… there goes another one that is added to the list.!” What’s most frustrating is that there are sooo many GOOD black women that WANT to be with a black man. So what I don’t understand is why the need to go outside looking….?
So as an african american woman who wants to date a black man, but whose choices are slimming by the day…. what are we supposed to do, continue being with the black men who downgrade us.. continue dating the “dogs” that aren’t worth a crap, all for the sake of “staying within our race”? OR step outside and try dating another race…..

so thats why its okay for women to try out other races bc our choices are slim to none! but you men have a plethora of good black women to choose from.

Ok, I live in Canada, and I am a Black woman that has been in an interracial relationship for the past 6.5 years with a white man. I don’t know how it goes in the United States, but here, we go through it. It’s actually quite common to see Black men with White women here and vice versa!

When Black men see me with my boyfriend it’s as though he doesn’t exist! They will approach me with him by my side, holding my hand, as though he isn’t there. We could be at a club, shopping, grocery store, with the kids – doesn’t seem to matter where.

I have nothing against black men, If I had met the same man and the coloor of his skin was different, wouldn’t matter to me! It’s truly about what’s inside. I grew up in A family where just as many white women wwre brought hom over the holidays to “meet the family” as black women were (by uncles and cousins)! And my family is so ‘blended’ I take my nephews out and people look at me as thoguh I must have kidnapped someone’s child!

The world is constantly chaging, but I edon’t think this particular issue will ever go away!

Funny you wrote this because I was just discussing this on Tuesday with someone after reading your piece on Black men going to Brazil. I am seeing a mixed race guy(Korean/Black) and I keep getting the stare down from most brothers. So much so that a male friend of mine who saw me with my man called me later to talk about it. I get statements like does my man know what to do with that body( not to blow my own horn I am blest in all aspects and have a nice body) . It is so annoying and I feel bad because I used to be one of those ladies who will give a black guy the look as well. The shoe sure doesn’t feel right on the other side. Point is love/lust/affection comes in all shades and sizes. I honestly can say that I have had my own share of black men and unfortunately a few bad eggs have ruined it for me. So I decided to expan my horizon and am pleased.

I see your point because I too faced that problem. I am young, career driven and successful which is an almost turn off to guys my age except they plan on smooching off you. I will rather date someone with similar background but it is difficult to find a black guy who is of or higher social/educational class. Frankly most of them are already with white women so why not join the old boys club and play like the men.

The numbers might be different, but the responses to interracial couples of any pair are the same.

Although there seems to be a new trend of heated responses, disappointment, and even unwarranted berating when an AA states a preference for men/women of African descent only. It’s even more crazy when the opposer is of African descent. If there can be respect for someone else’s desire for intteracial love, why can’t there be respect for the opposite especially if there’s no malice, bigotry, ignorant theories, etc behind it?

@Jamaica. Your point has not come across despite the use of what some may consider big words. Sometimes less is really more.

Thanks for the advice, Carol. You could’ve done less by ignoring my comment and just respond to the ones that you understand.

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Jamaica, no offence but I didn’t understand your comment either, can you repeat it in a different way mainly because I am interested in what you have to say.

Now I don’t feel bad because the whole point of having a comment section on a blog is to share opinions and ideas. So if others are not reading your opinion then the comment section is futile

Three words…. LOVE IS BLIND!! who cares about your color/race…as long as the two have honesty, and trust!! LOVE is a universal language…let’s get over color ALREADY!!!

what is your opinion…..Third_of_august?!?!

@ Dez
No problem and thank you for being polite about it.

I was trying to say that I don’t have a problem with interracial couples. However, I prefer Black men only. If I make a comment about my preference, many people (esp. Black people) act as if I’m saying something horrible or weird. My question: if interracial love has to be accepted & respected, why does there seem to be an increasing problem with someone preferring non-interracial relationships?
Sorry if that was too long. Hopefully I make sense.

@ Jamaica…You make complete sense.

I thought this article was about the double standards placed on black women versus non-black women. That would be a great article as well.

Perhaps the double standard stems from men like Polow the Don, Kanye West, and Yung Berg, that demean black women in order to justify their dating prejudices…oops, I mean “preferences”. However, its seen that white men celebrate a black womens beauty, hence the “you go girl”, she is finally being treated with respect. Its not true in all cases but that’s how these relationships are seen in the black community.

There are so many images, misconceptions and so much mis-communication that make black love difficult to obtain. By all means, date who you wish but don’t let the false negativity about the black race be a reason.

@Jamacia: there is nothing wrong with having a preference and choosing to only date black men. Nice to know you have so much love for your brothers. But, I think what’s being debated here is why WE as black people get so upset over dating outside our race. Personally, I don’t care who black women date, just date a nice dude…

I hate to say it, but many black women just made bad choices when dating. Thugs were getting all the love……..for a long time! Just sayin…

@DeeDee: what do you mean by “dating prejudices”

My preference has always been Black women.

But I swear when I first got stationed in Korea about nine months ago, I had Black women pop out the woodworks warning me against “coming home with a Korean woman on my arm”. You would think these Sisters were actually interested in being with a Brotha in the long run, but that is and was hardly the case.

I think Black women (no disrespect intended here) don’t seem to give a crap who a Brotha is dating until it’s discovered that he’s NOT dating a Black woman. Which is doubly ironic in my case given that I have NEVER dated or even approached ANYONE but Black women my whole life……and that 99.999999 percent of the women trying to check me on who I date never approached ME trying to actually keep me out of the clutches of other races of women, since who I’m POTENTIALLY dating is that important to these Sisters who aren’t interested in me, anyway.

LOL @ their sheer ignorance.

Perhaps the reason Black men are treated the way as suggested in the article is because of how they collectively handle their business. On one hand BM feel it is fine for them to date out and has always been but they collectively do not extend that same courtesy to Black women. It is noteworthy that there is no mention as to how poorly Black men treat black women who date out.

The black women who react negatively to black men dating out are more likely reacting to the hypocritical double standard and the lack of respect for individual self determination on the part of Black women shown by Black men. This ‘double standard’ that Black women are being accused of having is merely Black men’s long standing disrespectful double standard and selfish, self serving, self righteous behavior coming back to bit them. They are reaping the seeds they sowed. Fair is fair and what is good for the goose is good for the gander and Black women – who care about what Black men do are saying you cannot have your cake and eat it too – hence the backlash.

There are some Black women that are living their lives without giving Black men and what they do a second though and those women focus on their lives and their happiness and move on.

Thanks Jamaica

personally as a black woman I don’t care, it could be because I’ve dated White men *shrugs*. I’ve always been attraced to the personality as opposed to the colour. My preference is however black men.
In Canada there are some people who still point this out… And I find I comical. I am use to seeing a black man with a White woman. However more and more black women are stepping out with White men. I think there is a double standard because it doesn’t SEEM to happen very often. And I say seem. That and black women are know to be a little more loyal relationship wise to their black counterpart. Who someoe else loves is none of my business, but black women who have “given up” on their black man need to stop blaming the whole race for the few bad apples they have managed to attract. If you like a White dude(s) then do it for the love. Not for his credit, money, kids with good hair or big house… Because that’s a bad look.

As a young Black Woman who’s engaged to a young Black Man, can I just say that I’m TIRED, no SICK and TIRED, of hearing black men say “Black Women hate to see Black Men date another race”. You are not Chris Rock, so STOP IT. WHO you’re dating is not the issue, it’s the attitude behind it that matters . . . What we DO hate is Black Men who choose to date outside their race b/c they believe other women are better (prettier, smarter, more womanly, better credit, WHATEVA!) than Black Women, now that will get you the side eye with the quickness. I KNOW not all Black Men who are dating outside their race think this way, btw, in fact most probably don’t. But the unwillingness to make eye contact, as fly guy stated earlier, can give a very bad impression. Black Men, try this: Acknowledge the sistas when you’re out with your other. I’m not saying check them out. But be brave enough to confront those dirty looks (if you get any) with a smile. Black Women, we have to flip the script as well. Even if you KNOW that dude has lost his MIND and thinks Black Women unworthy of him *side eye* shoot him a friendly look as well. That way all the bitter Black Woman talk is cut short AND who knows . . . your smile may just convert a brotha LOL, j/k kinda

@ Meech….I was refering to the comments by the above rappers when they were asked about their preferance for white or “light enough” women.

I don’t think that there really is a double standard. I think Black women are just more vocal (and we ARE a lil more emotional…..just a little) when they see a black man with a white woman. We’ll just tell you what’s on our mind or show you with our actions quicker then men would.

How can we lump all black men and say they’re only reaping what they sew…’They’ who? All men aren’t the same we know that right? I feel that as long as your feelings aren’t due to some conscious or subconscious prejudice or bigotry then date who you want to.

I’m a black woman whose preference is any man who loves me, wants the best for me and wants to work with me to our shared goals. I’ll reciprocate the same to him. Whoever and whatever race he may be.

i’m a black woman w/a white husband i cannot tell you how untrue i found this article. i get just as many head rolls and never have i heard another black woman say “alright girl” or even come close to agreeing with our union enough to consider dating a white man. i won’t even repeat the comments i’ve received from black men.

what i mostly get from SOME (because i won’t join in the gross generalizing that’s going on in some of these opinions) ignorant black women and men is surpressed laughter and crude comments speculating on everything from the size of his genitals to his credit rating. it’s tired and so is all this judgment. i agree with all who realize that what is most important is love. i’ve loved black men before, it just happens that the man i’ve come to love the most to marry has lighter skin.

In short, yes, there is a double standard when in comes to interracial dating. I think that from a majority of women’s perspectives, a Black man dates outside of his race for the way the non-AA female LOOKS. Men are focused on the physical. He justifies it by saying all black women are loud, wont let a man be a man, do not want to cook, etc. In my opinion, a lot of the guys that say this are suffering from media’s portrayal of what is beautiful…if he doesn’t have a woman that looks like a “video girl” she is fugly.

Women, on the other hand, thrive on emotions and having them fulfilled. As a result, after failed attempts at relationships with Black men, she feels a non-AA male will have a desire to connect with her emotionally, and will be willing to do things the previous Black man wouldn’t.

Both still get looked at strangely but for different reasons. I have heard guys say things like “white/asian boy cant handle that.” If she is with him, obviously he is…at least enough for her.

OH MY GOODNESS FINALLY THERE IS SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS MY STANCE ON THIS SUBJECT…IT IS NOT ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP IT IS THE REASON FOR IT…I PERSONALLY SMILE AT BLACK MEN WITH WHITE WOMEN I DONT WANT TO BE BITTER BUT DONT TRY TO MAKE IT SEEM AS THOUGH WOMEN WHO ARENT BLACK ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN WHO ARE.

I am a BLACK WOMAN and i have NO PROBLEM with BLACK MEN dating WHITE WOMEN or women of another race. I AM NOT INSECURE. Love is blind and we are all human. Get a grip on the stupid stuff! NOT ALL BLACK WOMEN ARE BITTER ABOUT THIS! MATTER OF FACT MOST BLACK WOMEN I KNOW DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT DATING OUTSIDE THEIR RACE NO MATTER HOW MUCH BLACK MEN LET THEM DOWN ( I AM NOT ONE OF THEM I HAVE DATED WHITE BEFORE *KANYE SHRUG*

I hear and see all of the stuff that all of you are saying , but the factor should be, is there any love in the relationship? Right now am doing a paper in college on interacial dating and marriage , and the more and more i read see and study ( by getting into these chat forums) not one person said that i met this person and fell in love right away , but let us stop this the blackman ain’t no good cause he’s…..and the blackwoman ain’t no good cause she’s……..I fell in love with my current girlfreind cause of the way she worshipped my mother before that we were just Hi and Bye friends. there are a lot of great black women and men. but just cause we have found someone that is out of our race is no need to downgrade our own ,I can truly say that I have never said that I hate or will never date a black woman , when my mother and my father asked me why I have never dated a black woman I just said that there is none in my cirlcle , so went on a dating service to find one and it did work for a while like all relationships , but to this day we still talk and maintain a good friendship ( who knows ,maybe it will work out eventually , but not now. due to us both being in relationships ) ……..COME ON PEOPLE LET’S CUT THE CRAP !!!!!!!

Lol @ *Kanya Shrug *

double standard is right but it goes both ways. like someone else said it depends on where ur from and a lot of the times, even where ur at. but i’ve noticed on several black blogs that a LOT of black women call other black or black mixed women sellouts if they date white men. There are a lot more black women, it seems, that are now against interracial relationships whether the black person is a man or a woman. I agree that black men catch more flack though but really it’s all about the environment you’re in and it’s definitely circumstantial. so this is obviously from ONE man’s perspective. I am totally for interracial & intercultural relationships and marriage. I’m in one. (both my husband and I are of mixed heritage backgrounds & light-complected) the way we look though, we rarely get the side eye because it’s obvious we have some black in our blood; however assumptions do still get made because of our complexions. This world & humans way of thinking/interacting is getting old & ridiculous. But God will handle it, believe that. Let go & Let God. Peace & blessings to all.

I’m not even gonna sweat it that much anymore…..

Looking at those pics, most of them were of Black women and their non-Black BOYFRIENDS…..they aren’t married, so their relationship holds even LESS weight in my eyes.

And like I really give a crap about who some celebrity dates? Show me something that applies to us regular, common folks.

To Third_of_August:

All of those pictures were of black women and their non-black boyfriends/husbands/dates. The author was trying to make a point. Typically, one dates a person before they get married so you insinuating something (“less weight”) just because they aren’t married YET is too much.

As for the double standard, I’d have to say that it depends on where you are and what you’re doing with this person. In my experience, I get dogged out by black men for even being seen walking down the street with a white dude. My ex (white) and I used to walk to class together and, it never failed, there would always be a black man getting in my face saying he can’t possibly please me – just totally disrespecting the man I’m HOLDING HANDS with and probably snuggling up to. That was his first time dating out and frankly, he was a weenie, so he didn’t know what to do. Finally I asked him about it and he said it was cool, I needed to handle my thang with my people. ….. >.>

Needless to say, growing up I’ve seen a vast amount of male family members or friends date non-black girls and get daps from their friends, but when their sister or someone they know takes a non-black man out (especially white) that’s when all of a sudden they become ultra sensitive to the needs of the community.
I’ve never gotten a “You go girl!” from any of my black friends or family members. Usually, dating out comes with snickers, rude remarks and unwarranted come-ons in front of your partner. And yes, he’s gotten them from white women too who wouldn’t be remotely interested in him had he been alone.

Laquishia:

Given that this is Hollywood we’re talking about…..who really cares about what celebrity is dating whom?

With the high turnover rate of Hollywood relationships, I’d almost bet that half of the people in those pictures have broken up or divorced in the 3+ weeks since Fly Guy posted this article.

My point is this…..I don’t base my opinions on IR relationships off of what a few Black celebrities (none of whom I know personally or will likely ever have a shot at) are doing. Give me some hard evidence in the form of everyday NORMAL women and I might buy this argument.

I’ve never dated, approached, or even asked for a phone number from a woman that wasn’t Black….and ZERO non-Black women have approached me in my lifetime. Yet when my people found out I was being stationed in Korea, who’s the first people warning me against messing with Korean women? The SISTERS…..those same Sisters that gave a Brotha NO PLAY while I was in the States. Ironic, ain’t it? Seems like nobody gives a damn who I was with until the possibility arose that it could be a woman that’s NOT Black. (And for the record, I’ve been in Korea 10 months and I haven’t messed with ANY Korean women. They apparently dislike Black men just as much as the majority of Black women do.)

3rd of August , Just wait , i was in japan for 4 days to visit a friend , and the area that her and her husband were in it was like i was a rock star .

@ newguy

You were in Japan for four days…..I’ve been in Korea for 10 months. If you got the rock star treatment, then I should have buildings and bridges named after me by now.

And you can’t be a rock star if everyone likes country music.

um actually love is not blind, if it was we wouldnt be posting right now,lol.

um they are(all those attributes you just stated), individually perhaps.

i think for those examples shared with us earlier on, it had something to do with class and occupation. in white hollywood, there seems to be an over abundance of black females of high value and not alot of black males of higher value in the industry. you have what, forest whitaker(dont know how to spell his name), denzel washington(the holy grail of women), Don cheddle, that guy who played in red belt and………thats all i can think of. mind you if you got like out of a hundred people(representing holiwood) like 8 black males acting and 20 black females acting and everyone else is white, what else do you expect to happen? more interaction with the other race leads to blah blah blah, you get the picture.

This aricle is complete lies and garbage!
we all know which gender snickers…stares..makes snide remarks..attacks and in some cases even resorts to murder upon seeing ir couples opposite of them..just ask the WM/BW couple that were attacked by 10-12 black male thugs in Buffalo new york or the BW-WM married couple that were killed in their home in San Diego! BM are vicious and downright dangerous when they see a BW with a White male..BW don’t go around attacking BM /WW couples. Stop the lying..it’s pathetic!

Maybe ‘back in the day’ people cared. I really don’t think it’s that big of an issue anymore. Is this something black men want to hold on to, that black women scorn them at the sight of them being with a white women? Really, who cares anymore? Is this a insecurity of the black man himself?

First of all I’d like to add that there are no where near as many high profile black actresses etc. that even come close to the number of black actors, athletes, news casters, singers etc. that primarily date and marry white (or other nationalities). I primarily date out of my race and a lot of times receive the same “bullet hole to the head” stares from brothers as they claim we give to them. The typical “how could you” look that I’ve also mastered in ignoring as well as they do. Based on the amount of black men who are homosexual, refuse to date or marry black women, are incarcerated, strung out on drugs, killed, or simply players with no long-term interest in any relationship…………….do we really have a choice? The growing phenomena of black women dating out of their race is the social response to “simply tired of wasting time waiting.” I dont have a problem with black men dating white women or who ever else they prefer, but……. I do have a problem with those who continue to use us as their excuse to ostracize and alienate in their relationship choice because they have a internal problems with who and what they are and feel that walking hand-in-hand with a white woman becomes an instant status symbol and feather in their hat as though black women dont qualify. Unfortunately (especially in the good ole state of California) there are way too many sisters well into their 40′s & 50′s with and without children who have never been married and never will be because they choose to exclusively date black men who have and never will respect or take them serious beyond physical and/or for selfish reasons. These same men are parading their hybrid kids up and down public shopping malls for the world to see, while their black children are being ignored and unacknowledged. Sorry Terry……….I dont agree with your vice versa theory of black and white dating. There’s huge difference between dating out of your race because personally you have an inferiority complex and have convinced yourself that a white woman (or any other race other than black is the better choice) than not having a choice at all after weighing your options and what sometimes is the better decision based on what you’re looking for and how you want to be treated in a relationship. I’m also tired of white women passing me with their black significant other as though I’m immediately seen as a challenge or threat to her relationship especially when the majority of the time she’s with someone I wouldnt be seen in public with in the first place. So save your sob story….. you guys do the same to us as well and more than likely on your way home to a white girl after doing so.

Gina , am not sorry that yo feel that way . I t seems that if a bm dates out of race they say that he has an iferior complex , but if a bw dates out of her race then its cause has no choice, I get so tired of bw’s saying that there problems are due to the bm’s insecurity, not willing to commit ,strung out on drug, DL., or some other sort of non sense. I have a deep love for the BW and I have strayed out of my race , althought here in the bayarea there have been WW and AW that have been very agressive in wanting to get me out on a date . i am in my upper 40′s and i take very good care of myself ( no dugs , have a great job ,support myself , in persuit of my B.A. ) , but when i even try to step to a BW they act like I am the enemy, I was going to lunch on a bright sunny day , and there were a couple of black girls in front of the Caf’e that i was going into , and I heard one of them say ” yeah , they don’t date us no more ….like him !” and they pointed at me eventhough there were a couple of other BM in front of me , and it hurt me and still to here all these negative comments from BW as well as BM about each other is just showing that we are splitting up the race . It is okay to meet someone on the other side , but it is no use to put down the opposite sex because of that , but i tell you the more and more that i hear of BW using us as an exscuse to date someone of another race is just plain (&*^*^&%^ , and when i hear of BM’s doing it i feel that they are just as inviting as the BW, and sometimes i have a distain hate for her and him cause of it. Although my current GF is of hispanic descent i still have deep love for the BW cause of my mother , sisters, neices, aunts, and cousins. For those of you that date out , and then have nothign but negative postings then the problem is not the situation , but the problem is you. I’m just tired of the negative bullshit

Dear NewGuy – My comment(s) were in no way seeking any type of apologies (or not) for the current “date outside your race” scenario I’m referring to. The inferior complex that most people (black, white, hispanic, asian, etc.) reference is why black men have a high and long standing history above and beyond black women as far as seeming to be obsessed with dating out of their race. Unfortunately does not necessarily stem in whole but definitely in part due to the stigma you’ve been born with and unfortunately have accepted as to who and what you are historically in view of the world. For some reason you seem to have convinced yourselves that somehow this is diffused when dating out of your race. Unlike black women, this goes back hundreds and hundreds of years with the black mans pursue of white women. You have died and have been murdered for the sake of dating her, you were lynched for the sake of simply looking at her, you have been drug behind automobiles to your death based on your infinite obsession of her, which exemplifies a dedication most of you wouldn’t commit to doing to one of your own female family members if challenged with that decision (havent seen you in the news for that one). Dont respond to my comments with unfounded tit for tats when what I’ve written has not only been statistically proven but is true. The number of black women dating out of their race has only recently increased by leaps and bounds and it is because they’ve finally not only woke up but have broaden their horizons. You dating who ever you prefer does not substantiate or validate the need for your claiming to be tired, it is what it is so stop looking for lame excuses as to why things are where they are today. You’re a long-term statistic amongst black minority men for doing so and I’m also tired of other races asking me what seems to be your problem (i.e. majority not raising their children (Obama spoke to this before you start disputing again; lack of respect and commitment to black women as husbands; and irresponsible when it comes to taking ownership of being head of household forcing and astronomical and embarassing amount of black women to be both the father and the mother to children you dont want to claim, although this statistic seems to lessen when the children are mixed). I’ll also include the fact that other black men are also stating “I dont blame you gals for moving on to other races based on the lack of what is offered to you within your own and what we put you through.” Dating white or hispanic men is not because I dont have a choice, its because I do. The race of white/hispanic women “aggressively perusing” you is insignificant….. you chose who you’re dating because thats who you personally decided to be with. Are you saying a black women needs to aggressively pursue you? Get over yourself. There’s plenty fish in the sea and thank God of all colors. Also there was no need to share your personal bio and the fact that you’re pursuing a BA degree in your 40′s does not authorize bragging rights. Black women are the enemy because you personally choose to see them as that like most black men looking for that same, lame and typical alibi as to why they need to date else where. If you’re proud of dating women who are not black, then no strangers in public should have the effect they did on you to feed bad. This has nothing to do with negative BS………….. in today’s world of black women it called getting over it, moving on and getting in where you fit in……being rejected by black men has played out. Believe me, most of us could care less about who you date… were not interested in your white or Hispanic woman, only her brother.

Dude…………..you’re in la la land. The only person you need to worry about worshiping your mother is you not some hispanic woman who based on some initial meeting alone automatically became your woman. How old were you again?

Dear NewGuy – My comment(s) were in no way seeking any type of apologies (or not) for the current “date outside your race” scenario I’m referring to. The inferior complex that most people (black, white, hispanic, asian, etc.) reference is why black men have a high and long standing history above and beyond black women as far as seeming to be obsessed with dating out of their race. Unfortunately does not necessarily stem in whole but definitely in part due to the stigma you’ve been born with and unfortunately have accepted as to who and what you are historically in view of the world. For some reason you seem to have convinced yourselves that somehow this is diffused when dating out of your race. Unlike black women, this goes back hundreds and hundreds of years with the black mans pursue of white women. You have died and have been murdered for the sake of dating her, you were lynched for the sake of simply looking at her, you have been drug behind automobiles to your death based on your infinite obsession of her, which exemplifies a dedication most of you wouldn’t commit to doing to one of your own female family members if challenged with that decision (havent seen you in the news for that one). Dont respond to my comments with unfounded tit for tats when what I’ve written has not only been statistically proven but is true. The number of black women dating out of their race has only recently increased by leaps and bounds and it is because they’ve finally not only woke up but have broaden their horizons. You dating who ever you prefer does not substantiate or validate the need for your claiming to be tired, it is what it is so stop looking for lame excuses as to why things are where they are today. You’re a long-term statistic amongst black minority men for doing so and I’m also tired of other races asking me what seems to be your problem (i.e. majority not raising their children (Obama spoke to this before you start disputing again; lack of respect and commitment to black women as husbands; and irresponsible when it comes to taking ownership of being head of household forcing and astronomical and embarassing amount of black women to be both the father and the mother to children you dont want to claim, although this statistic seems to lessen when the children are mixed). I’ll also include the fact that other black men are also stating “I dont blame you gals for moving on to other races based on the lack of what is offered to you within your own and what we put you through.” Dating white or hispanic men is not because I dont have a choice, its because I do. The race of white/hispanic women “aggressively perusing” you is insignificant….. you chose who you’re dating because thats who you personally decided to be with. Are you saying a black women needs to aggressively pursue you? Get over yourself. There’s plenty fish in the sea and thank God of all colors. Also there was no need to share your personal bio and the fact that you’re pursuing a BA degree in your 40’s does not authorize bragging rights. Black women are the enemy because you personally choose to see them as that like most black men looking for that same, lame and typical alibi as to why they need to date else where. If you’re proud of dating women who are not black, then no strangers in public should have the effect they did on you to feed bad. This has nothing to do with negative BS………….. in today’s world of black women it called getting over it, moving on and getting in where you fit in……being rejected by black men has played out. Believe me, most of us could care less about who you date… were not interested in your white or Hispanic woman, only her brother.

Amen! And those same hypocrites have or are dating out of their race but let us do it and all hell breaks lose. Personally I think its out of jealousy when they see us with “other” men who treat us like queens, love and adore us and put us on public display, something most of them cant or havent stood up to doing themselves then wanna start hating when someone does the job for them. I have black female friends who are currently in relationships with black men and what they put up with to keep or maintain those relationship is an inhumane joke.

Honey please. White and hispanic women give black women dating their men looks that could instantly send you to your grave. Fortunately for them, typically their men dont have an inferiority or social problem dating their own women in the first place.

Kudos – be proud to be an oreo. Never nothing wrong with being an intelligent cookie.

Both of you seem and sound too bright to narrow your options down to only to black men. I’m not saying all black men are bad, but I will say that the ones that seem to be on the same wave length as far as looking for a compatible black partner and a life long commitment, seem to be back east or down south as far as the differences in family structure and cultural values. Instead of focusing on these attributes and whats important to us as a culture, black men (especially in CA) have convinced themselves they are a commodity among women and who has time for the long term ego trip? (I’ll pass) Just like Mr NewGuy said “white and hispanic women aggressively peruse him.” Sounds like a winner you’d take home to mom, huh?

Funny there are black men at my job who have walked passed me for years, do not speak, immediately look the other way to avoid eye contact, etc etc etc…… but let me be escorted to the cafeteria with a white male coworker and I immediately have their attention or side looks. The same goof balls who havent asked me to join them for a cup of free coffee. What gives?

Date whoever you want! Who gives a damn!?

Glad you’ve learned to graciously ignore on behalf of what works for you. I dont make it a point to look at or stare at black men dating white (or whatever) women or vice versa. My only concern is what works for me in a relationship and over the years learned who I can identify more closely with more as far as what I want in a relationship.

angry bw that does not know her history , …..i hit a nerve !!! hahahaha

old enough to see that you’re in lala land JUST ANOTHER ANGRY BLACKWOMAN WHO CAN’T SEE WHAT THE REAL PROBLEM IS !!!! AGAIN I SAY IT …HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Mr. 40 year old man still trying to get a college education…………… go read a book.

GINA DOES !

I already have a B.A. in commercial development , so what do you have ? and i am not saying that bw have to agressively pursue me am not that vain , what you should do is re read what i said and not be so angry . the statement that was made was to show you that most of us do not even step to non black women they step to us as non blackmen step to you , so what should we do? maybe the men at your job just don’t find you attractive and that is why your angry , you want a bm but they don’t want you ..

being in my 40′s and in pursuit of another degree is the and letting people know about it is the same thing that bw have been doing for years so now when a bm does it , it comes off as braggin rights ?….what gives, change your name from gina to double standard and confused …….hahahahahah !!!!

I have men of all races and age groups pursuing and approaching me on a daily basis whether I’m at work or not. Since I’m not interested in you or your personal life and the fact that you’re now totally off subject why dont you do me and this blog a favor and disappear. I find you annoying and not interested in anything else you have to say. Get a life and stop clogging up my inbox with your elementary school age attempts at a non-stop dialogue.

Yeah Sara !!!!! you love people that are respectful and if they can’t get a grip …then its rocks they should kick ..like you i get the same remarks , but when i see a non-bm with a bw, I ask you why should i get mad ( just using this as a example) most of here are here due to some type in interracial connection …….@%#$ those idiots with the rude comments, its you that you have to please …i do

ha ha ha ha ha ….gina !!!….ha ha ha ha i did strike a nerve ….ha ha ha ha

http;//thefreshexpress.com/2010/06/you-can’t-find-a-good-black-man-if-youre-not-a-good-black-woman

I am a BF engaged to a WM, aged 31 & 32. I have also experienced crazy stares from both men and women, both black and white. Some black men ignore me and treat me as though I’m not a likeable person, yet they go out of their way to associate with other women who barely offer meaningful conversation. Some black women who are jealous will pry and ask personal questions about our sex life and all of a sudden develop an interest in our marriage and future family plans but wouldn’t dare offer me the same information, not that I would care to know anyhow. Some white women will look at me like I’m the scum of the Earth and wonder what it is about me that is so special. I just smile and think “Everything…”

And for those who claim IR daters search for the opposite race, well that’s just plain BS. At least for me. I didn’t go in search for any WHITE man, although in the past I have gone in search of BLACK men. At my age, level of education, and financial status, I was in search of a great loving, responsible, to be held accountable for his actions selfishly intended or not, financially stable, emotional, willing man. He is that! Open minded, unselfish non-hating people respect that, and we respect other couples the same, IR or not.

I also accept that not everyone will like it. That’s ok too. So what! Everyone is entitled to their opinion. I don’t expect people to understand what they have not experienced. I respect people’s desire to preserve their heritage, red hair and blue eyes and all, because that’s what matters to them. Not dwindling IQ levels (in ratio comparison to non-whites) because of their limited gene pool selection due to integration phobias – but that’s ok too.

Congratulations to you and yours. A thorough understanding of who you are and what you want in a relationship is the key and will be the success to your marriage. Sounds like your fiance has a “could care less” attitude with the general public and their attempts with demeaning stares, but I’m impressed with your continued confidence of not only finding and but also blessed with what you wanted and also deserved in a loving, caring man.

It seems in this day and age where more and more black women are willing and open to the experience of dating outside of their race, the ratio of them finding fulfilling relationships that lead into marriage has also greatly increased the numbers where they are no longer single or wasting the majority of their lives waiting for a black man to take them serious or make them feel worthy of matrimony. Good luck, God bless and many, blissful and wonderful years of love and happiness to you and the man of your dreams. You go girl!!!

@biasP–love your man because he loves you back! F*ck the haters. We only go around once, life is way too short to waste worrying about if your partner is lighter or darker than you. As long as he makes you happy, DO YOUR THING SISTER!

As a Black man, as long as you’re treated with respect, love and care, I don’t give a damn who dates who. Neither should anyone else.

@Gina – Thank you for your kind words. And you are right, he could care less about who thinks what and why when it comes to our relationship. All he and I both care about is being happy and healthy!

In regard to dating within our own race, I wish that BM and BW would be more honest with one other – PERIOD. If you are a BW and share your negative experiences with BM, then you must be bashing them, or you somehow become responsible for your poor choice in men. And of course it goes the other way…if you are a BM and share your negative experiences with BW, then people say that you have betrayed BW and act as if there is no truth to the things that you are speaking. The problem with us is acceptance and accountability. Instead of working toward resolving our issues, we are busy trying to convince everyone else that they are stereotypes and dismiss them as someone else’s justifications of why they chose to date outside their race. Black people – we know each other better than anyone! If we cannot be real to oneself, who will be? The biggest issue I had with handsome BM was infidelity. It didn’t matter if they were lower-middle, middle, or upper-middle class, college educated or not – they were almost always unfaithful. Anytime there were issues to be worked thru, I was always reminded that there was a prettier, sexier, or simply ‘easier’ woman who could fill my shoes. When you love someone, it’s a terrible thing to be in constant competition with another. Once you start dealing with that, it becomes easier to factor in other things, like income differences. Then that’s where resent and regret enter the equation. The games that we played……

I always tell people this and there are LOTS of different conclusions drawn. To me, it is what it is.

Even in the face of the most attractive, heart-stopping woman, my fiance never makes me feel like there is someone more beautiful than myself. He has shown me a whole different level of respect, in a romantic kind of way. Not to mention, it wasn’t long after we’d started dating that he proposed to me. He wanted me (and the world) to see that he loved someone special. None of my past relatonships have fostered that. Some people will easily become defensive after reading this and will offer every excuse as to why this may be. But as I mentioned in my eyes, it is what it is, and I am taking it at face value.

@Meech – thanks brother, it feels good to not be torn down because I love someone and am loved in return! I realize that most people who have issues with IR dating incorporate it as some kind of personal rejection. But none of us can afford to let someone else’s jealousies and insecurities spoil our happiness.

You’re welcome. You & I both know there are “good” BM out there. I work with them, have been friends with them over the years and respect who and what they are as husbands, fathers and providers. Unfortunately this is not the the overall norm for our men. Black women are looking for the same thing every other race of women are looking for in a man……….. honesty, integrity, respect, family-oriented, a spouse, best friend, confidant, love, and role model (to name a few and not necessarily in that order).

Back in the day I solely dated BM and like yourself tested the water within the socio-economic realm of what was out there and was even married once to a BM. Unfortunately I wasted many years before realizing what I wanted in a relationship was not necessarily readily available in the majority of the BM I dated and witnessing how BW were being mistreated by BM when their quest for a monogamous relationship was totally ignored and/or taken for granted. The statistics of single BW being the highest minority population never being married (with or without children) speaks volumes by itself.

I also agree w you and can personally count on one hand (not using all fingers) the # of BM I know who have not cheated on their girlfriends and/or wives. When it comes to taking care of their children, unconditionally loving and caring for their so-called significant others, and not having a problem being head of household, our men are seriously lacking behind time and responsibility and unfortunately the proof is in the pudding. This is not a gossip column against BM……….I’ve had way too many white and other races approach me with the same analogy and personally asking me “what seems to be their problem when it comes to BW and taking care of their children?”

I have also heard from BM that “we” (BW) are who they have personal issues with and dont meet their expectations or personal gratification as women. My response to that is…. Based on the ever increasing stats in BW committing to and marrying within interracial relationships, obviously white men (and others) dont have a problem with us and are convinced we deserve to be wives, not miscellaneous bed partners.
I have a large # of BW friends who solely date BM and in their later years of life, still are not married and will go to their graves never knowing what it was like to be a bride walking down the aisle for the first time. Very unfortunate and a big price to pay for not (as my mother says) broadening your horizons.

I say “Love who loves you” and thats all there is to it. If BM arent ready, then I dont have a problem with Pedro, Nadim, Tim or Yee Sim stepping to the plate and being the man who wants to love and cherish me for the rest of my life (and likewise)..

Congratulations again on your engagement and I know your wedding will be as beautiful as your relationship. BW and WM relationships are becoming the new “cream of the crop” and I say “YES!!!!”

Ciao

I don’t know if the perception of black men in the US is the same as the preception we in Africa have of our men. Our men tend to be two, three, four timers who do not possess a romantic bone in their bodies.

Flowers? Chocolate? Not much of that takes place. Most men believe they have done you a great service by paying your bride price and taking care of them financially.

So we tend to wonder if white men are perhaps more interesting, more emtional, more thoughtful… I have many friends who wouldn’t mind trying it out and I wouldn’t either.

I suppose until the perception of the black man in society begins to change, he’s doomed to this double standard…

I’m a 60+ white male, musician and musical director of a popular Black singing group in the 70s. I am also a member of the Baha’I Faith –a religion in which interracial marriage is encouraged and considered blessed. The mother of my three children is Black. You can believe I have seen every side of this issue. I would like you to consider a few things which I have observed in my lifetime:
a) Things look different from a global viewpoint. Americans look just a little foolish to the rest of the world with their preoccupation with race. Some countries whose citizens are obviously mixed — or “Black” from our American racist standards—don’t even consider themselves Black—it’s just not an issue. (If you bring it up, they will say: “Oh. I hadn’t even considered it.”) Conversely, my daughter (mixed) went to Ghana and was labeled as “white” by people right off the street. (She called me up laughing: “Dad! O my God! I’m white! It’s horrible! What do I do?”)
b) The racial climate is changing in the US. A few times—but only a few— when dating my ex-wife, I had to chase off some crazy bm following us down the street, singing about how he was good enough to be her old man. But other than that, we were members of this wonderful, loving and supportive community and we just never experienced all this racism that in some cases made the relationships difficult or impossible. Back in the day, the only reason to ever see a Black woman and a white man together on TV or in the movies was a story line about interracial relationships. Now, I see mixed relationship frequently and it’s not even mentioned. When I see that, I feel so encouraged about the future of the world. The woman is in the movie because she is attractive, and or talented —that’s all. Back in the day, she wouldn’t have gotten credit for that, either.
c) We didn’t create racism but we should dedicate ourselves to clearing this mess up. I know it is hard to let drama slide, but think about it: if people just stopped talking about this stuff, and let people fall in love with whoever they want to, if we all just stopped commenting on it and deciding for them if it is OK or not, if they are “right” or “wrong”, racism would just disappear.

isnt that the truth!

black men do it to themselves

they bash bw when they date out
they bash bw for almost anything
which is why people enjoy seeing bw happy and people could care less for bm’s preference (if you can call it that) once they get rich or educated
bm put it on themselves with their uncle tom jigaboo self hating comments!

done

thank you!

its not that bm date out(who gives a shit?)

its about them putting our names into it just cause they get some unnatractive leftover from another race or some golddigger who will drop him once he exposes his true colors

perhaps thats why bm do it…cause they know noone gives a shit so they use bw as their scapegoats to gain attention of their self hate

funny how wm getting sista dymes!