The Top 5 Reasons To Admit You Cheated
Jan 15th, 2010 | Author: The Fly Guy | Category: The Chronicles
Comments (10)
Here’s the scenario:
You woke up this morning lying next to someone other than your significant other. Now your first thoughts were probably somewhere along the lines of: “F@*K!!!! … What am I doing here??? And how did my underwear get stuck in the ceiling fan???” (Hey, it happens.)
Once you pulled them down and started getting dressed, the magnitude of the moment began to set in. You’ve just betrayed the love of your life, and are now faced with two choices. You could always take the “easy” way out, and carry your dirty secret to the grave. Or you could venture down the road less traveled—the one that leads to an admission of guilt.
As expected, I can already hear a loud contingent of readers who believe the latter choice is borderline lunacy. But before you haul me off in a straightjacket, hear me out. In my experience, there are 5 very compelling reasons to admit you cheated. Let’s examine them together.
1. Paranoia will drive you crazy.
I’ve never understood how fugitives mentally survive on the run. They’re always looking over their shoulder, covering their tracks, and expecting freedom to be snatched away at any moment … It’s an exhausting existence.
That same type of fear and paranoia can apply to the conscience of a cheater. The energy required to maintain a web of deception is rarely worth the gray hair and stress that it triggers. So why even bother? Why not confess now so you can sleep later?
2. You cheated with an unstable person.
Here’s an interesting fact: 32.7% of all single people are mentally unstable. Of that number, 92.5% of them enjoy sleeping with people in relationships, only to turn around and systematically attempt to destroy their lives.
Ok, I made that entire section up, but you have to admit that it did sound compelling. Here’s the bottom line. The world is filled with crazy people, and as fate would have it, the cheater often winds up in the bed with them. So before they get all Fatal Attraction on you, it’s best to clear the air with your loved one before the stalking and harassment begins. (Trust me; it can and will happen.)
3. You envision a long term future between the two of you.
For many, trust and transparency are the key components when laying the foundation for a lifelong relationship. If that same philosophy holds true for you, then you have to confess. Why? Because it’s impossible to build a successful relationship on a bed of lies … just ask any Bad Boy recording artist. So if you really see this person in your future, then let the truth set you free.
4. They deserve to know the truth.
When you look into their eyes, what do you see? You probably see a reflection of yourself. But is that you in your current state? No; it’s the person that they think you are … loving … attentive … FAITHFUL. Yeah, it’s hard to live with yourself when your loved one views you as a saint, when you’re really a sinner. They have a right to know who you really are.
5. They should hear it from you first.
The only thing that’s worse than your confession is them hearing it from someone else. It just makes an already bad situation worse. It kind of reminds me of how I felt when I had to read on TMZ that Halle Berry was pregnant by some curly-haired Sears catalog model. The truth would have hurt regardless, but I would have respected her more if she told me herself. Your significant other deserves a higher level of courtesy than Halle afforded me.
The Fly Conclusion: Let’s be very clear: I just laid out 5 compelling reasons to admit you cheated. But that confession doesn’t guarantee that you’ll be forgiven. Hey, that’s the risk you take when you decide to betray someone’s trust. But regardless of their decision, take comfort in the fact that you took ownership for your actions and accepted the punishment that came with it. To me, that’s a sign of real growth.
Next week, we’ll explore the Top 5 Reasons Not to Admit You Cheated … after all, there’s two sides to every story.
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This was a really well-written piece. Great read for a Monday morning.
Sorry Fly Guy, I’m going to have to disagree… I wouldn’t want my significant other to tell me he cheated. My rule is, ‘Don’t Get Caught’ nor ‘Bring home a parting gift’. I would be paranoid that he is still cheating. I would become emotionally unstable (short term), especially if I envisioned a long term future with him. Thus don’t tell me, forever do things to make it up to me and NEVER do it again…. Cause habitual habits always come to the light.
@TxMadeGyrl,
I hear where you’re coming from, and perhaps next week’s list is more up your alley. But I have to warn you that your philosophy can potentially backfire. By granting your significant other the space to cheat as long as they “Don’t Get Caught” nor “Bring home a parting gift,” you’re essentially laying the groundwork for both of those things to happen.
What you’re essentially saying is that you’d rather be “happy” in something that isn’t real, versus you demanding to be respected in the same way that you respect him. No amount of “doing things to make it up” will make it ok as long as you’re living a lie. Why not let him come clean, and then have him do things to make it up? At least then you would know the true source of his actions towards you, instead of you walking in a fog thinking “oh my man is really being considerate today.” That’s a false reality, and should never serve as the foundation for a lasting relationship.
Last thought. If you are going to be paranoid that he is going to cheat again, then leave. You always have that option.
Great reasons. I’m tempted to add #6 You Plan on Sleeping With Your SO. If you didn’t get tested after your transgression and slept with you SO, then you’ve put him or her at risk. But I guess if you truly cared, you wouldn’t have cheated, right?
Fly Guy, I see your POV and can totally agree. Speaking for myself only (because I know myself well enough), I would not want to know.
I would never grant my significant other any amount of room to cheat. We are together because we agreed to be loyal to one another. However, if he decides to come clean, he is now a cheater and a liar. Something I can not tolerate. [Hate to pull the G card on you.] GOD knows me well enough to know it will be the deal breaker. My signifcant other telling me of his rump in the sheets, I feel is GOD way of telling me your Prince is coming… This guy was for just that moment in life.
Furthermore, one thing I have learned in life nothing is ever what it seems. So, if his guilt of cheating turns into us taking a weekend getaway to Mall of America and a lifetime of bliss, I’m with it!
I can’t wait to read the next week’s list!!
Boy did u hit it on the head. I always tell my ex he should just have come clean & saved all the additional drama. I have learned that most men won’t confess if they genuinely love you. It sounded backwards to me when Steve harvey said that in his book But its very true. However, when your in a situation where every1 around you knows & he’s still denying it Honesty is still the best policy. Once I caught wind of it & decided to stick with him until I knew it for myself everything changed. I was always suspicious & would bring the girls name up just to get a reaction out of him. He finally told me it was true like a month ago after breaking down in tears about how she called him out the blue saying she wanted a dna test. I’m a very strong woman & even though it hurt like hell I stuck by him out of support. He was so distraught he turned to heavy alcohol & cocaine to deal with the bad situation he had got himself caught up in. I was hurt but relieved he finally told the truth after so many agonizing months. I no longer wanted a life with him but I have stuck by him as a main form of support Not just for him but for his previous children who I kept reminding him needed him around cause he was contemplating suicide. It turned out to be his child & despite stepping up to do the right thing He is still very tired & depressed. He tells me all the time how he hates looking @the child sometimes cause he sees me & how he’s having a hard time getting over how he betrayed me. I forgive him but its not been easy trying to move forward. I am childless & young & can move on easier than he can. However he has to live with the fact the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with he screwed over. I know it didn’t happen on purpose & I believe him when he said he used condom BUT when your doing wrong SHIT will happen esp if u chose to be drunk & high. I feel worser for him & the girl cause she’s married & her husband is still gonna stay with her BUT my ex is the one who lost & he knows it. He’s a great person But u reap what u sow & u can’t mistreat some people & try to swept it under the rug.
Hey FG,
This is my first time posting a comment. But I would like to say I enjoyed your article today (which I usually do) and having been in a relationship where I made the mistake of cheating, I think you’re right. It was hell living with the guilt AND my SO found out. I believe that if I had come clean, things would be different now. We are no longer together (and I don’t blame him), but the entire experience has made me a better person. I honestly believe that I was more affected by the cheating than he was…..it’s something when you’re dealing with trying to gain someone’s forgiveness as well as forgiving yourself. Here it is over a year later and I’m still struggling with forgiving myself! I’ve definitely learned a lesson that will carry me through my next relationship when that happens (haven’t been interested much in dating again.)
Those are all interesting reasons to admit to cheating, but the truth is that I think the #1 reason most people admit is to assuage their own guilt. Oh they may wrap it up in pretty packaging, but the bottom line is that a lot of the times telling someone you cheated if you still want to be with them and there’s little chance they would have found out on their own is just mean. It makes you, the cheater, feel better, but it’s devastating to your SO. And to your relationship.
I say if you’re gonna cheat, be smart about whom you cheat with, as TxMadeGyrl said “don’t bring home a parting gift”, and keep your effing mouth shut.
If I found out a woman I’m with was cheating on me…..I wouldn’t really care what the reason is behind it……she and I are done regardless. Relationship/marriage/whatever is OVER and DONE WITH. Checkmate, game set match. And there will be no second chances or “Baby, I’m sorry, I’ll do better next time”s either.
i agree in this 5 reasons! well tiger woods admitted that he cheat and he is now in the process of changing.
check this out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBB4×8GYxsU