Should I Keep The Baby?
Dec 16th, 2009 | Author: The Fly Guy | Category: Fly Letters
Comments (20)
Hi Fly Guy,
I’m currently pregnant and the father of the child is my ex-boyfriend. I’ve since moved on, and my new boyfriend says he doesn’t care about me being pregnant by another man. My new man actually wants to take care of the child, while my ex wants me to have an abortion. What should I do?
Searching for Answers
Dear Searching for Answers,
At no point in your letter did I hear you express what you wanted to do. You went through great lengths to describe the positions of both your current man and your ex—so I’m clear on where they stand. I didn’t, however, get a clear picture as to your wishes. To me, that’s the only real opinion that matters here. While it’s noble of your current love interest to volunteer his fatherly services, your decision can’t be based on that (your history with him isn’t long enough to rely on that.)
So instead of worrying about the opinions of your past and present, you need to look in your heart and determine if you’re prepared to go down this road alone, if need be. The answer to that singular question is the only one that matters … at least to me.
Please keep me posted on what you decide. You are officially and permanently in my prayers. I sincerely mean that.
The Fly Guy
(3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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While i do agree with FG’s advice, i would say for you to keep the child. Here’s why…
Although the pregnancy may not have been planned, there are no such things as mistakes when it comes to God’s ultimate plan for our lives. He ALLOWED you to get pregnant for a reason. Of course we may not know or be able to see what that reason is anytime soon.. trust that there is a reason.
You do not know where God wants to take your life with that child.. Neither do you don’t know what He wants to use that child for… i know it sounds very deep but it is truth. (what if our current president’s mother had aborted him due to her adverse circumstance).
Instead of seeking out the opinions of anyone else (none of whom matter), ask the One who has all the answers.
You are officially in my prayers also, bc this is a really hard decision to make.
You’re correct that God has a reason for everything that happens, but it’s unfair and wrong for you to assume that it’s his will for the child to be birthed. Your example “(what if our current president’s mother had aborted him due to her adverse circumstance).” doesn’t support your argument either, because had his mom done that, there would BE somebody else, and his plan would have been just that, and we’d be in a different today. Sometimes we go through things in life to grow within ourselves and make choices later in life with respect to our past. Simply, it’s wrong to push the ideas you have for yourself on others, because we are all individuals with different plans. My comment to the letter would be: Whatever you decide to do will impact your life tremendously. It’s your decision to make and only you know what the correct choice for your life is. I believe deep down you already know what you wanna do, as women we normally do, and even though your looking for someone to confirm your choice all you’ll find is more confusion and people pushing their own opinions on you. Pray and trust everything will turn out okay. I’ll be praying for you.
Well, regarding my comment about our Presidents mother’s decision to not have an abortion.. that was meant to be taken from a mothers point of view. My point in using that as an example was to convey the fact that we do not know what God’s plan is for that child’s life. No doubt, if she hadn’t continued the pregnancy, God would have used someone else. But God gave HER the opportunity to be used to bring forth someone great!
I just want her to know that nothing happens by accident. Children are blessings from God. Not everyone gets the opportunity to receive a blessing such as this. It may not look like that given her circumstances, but that child is a gift.
since she is in this situation, she has to trust God that if she follows through with what He has allowed to happen then He will be with her in her walk and bless her through it.
If she decides not to keep her baby, then of course He will continue to be with her if she seeks Him, but her life will just be on a directed to a different path.
Of course, this is all “my opinion” , but as a woman who has experienced both, keeping one child and aborting another, i can say that in the grand scheme of things, continuing my pregnancy and becoming a mother is easier than living with the regret of not knowing… having all the thoughts of “what ifs?” becomes unbearable at times.
Firgure out what is is you really want to do, and if your ready to take on the responsibility of raising a child. Although your current boyfried says he will take care of the child, if he decides to leave you have no legal action to make him stay or continue to provide for the child. This is something you must also take into consideration. Whatever you decide make sure its what YOU want and not what someone else wants you to do. Good Luck…
Please, please, please pray before you make any decision. When God answers, you feel it in your spirit and in your heart. Life is so precious. And yet at the same time you are making this decision you are probably so scared and maybe feeling alone. Am I making the right decision? No one can make the decision but you. Just pray baby girl and feel the spirit within yourself. I pray for you. No matter what decision you make God is always with you. For some reason God always loves us inspite of our own selves.
As Fly guy says the ultimate decision is YOURS and this is for you alone to make. You will be the one waking up at night to take care of the baby, make modifications to your lifestyle to raise a child. I am Catholic and my faith prohibits abortion and it is not a choice. I have always wondered my decision should I get pregnant by wetlock. Do I throw away my religion and face reality that I will have to have an abortion. Pray about your decision as you will have to leave with this for the rest of your life. Goodluck either way.
I cannot fathom how difficult a decision this is to make. Seek God’s guidance first and foremost. Secondly, in agreement with FlyGuy, you have to do what is best for you. You cannot rely on the words of a guy who has never been in this situation with you before, people change their minds all of the time. And any ill feelings you have towards your ex, should you have them, should not be taken into consideration regarding the baby. You must realize there will be consequences of any decision. Should you abort the pregnancy, you will possibly live with nightmares of that decision. If you keep the child, you will have to sacrifice a lot of your time and have to grow up quickly.
I will not state my opinions about abortions because ultimately this is not about me. This is a decision to be made between you and our Heavenly Father. Forget about making your ex or your new man happy, do not even consider them.
I have no problem saying if I felt the need to I would abort. Its my body and my life Not any1 else. Whatever choice you make Put it in your head and heart you will deal with the consequence and not complain. People will tell you what you should do all day long but your the one who will go through all the emotions and bad days. And I agree with that person who said if obama wasn’t born it would be some1 else. That’s a weak defense and I’m sure a lot of jews wished hitler was aborted but then if Not him some1 else coulda done that. Yes children R a blessing but I’ma be real we wouldn’t have a lot of problems if so many unplanned kids weren’t walking around. Our planet is dying from overpopulation right now.don’t twist my words, I’m not saying let’s stop havin kids That is insane. But let’s get some responiability and stop jus havin kids out the water and can’t take of them and then want to blame every1 else for our poor judgments. Ur bf said he would step up Good for him But u can’t hold him to that when times R tough and the father has made it clear he wants nothing to do with it and if he feels that way I wouldn’t push it on him just cause its his baby cause he didn’t want a part in it. If u each the child,get married, make sure ur bf legeally adopts him If he won’t do that then he isn’t really steppin up and I would defintely consider abortion. Much luv sweetie!
dang…. the example of Obama’s mother WAS NOT A DEFENSE, BUT AN EXAMPLE!…. of how God can use an UNPLANNED PREGNANCY TO TURN INTO SOMETHING GREAT.
the following comment is not directed to the person who wrote the letter but to us as a whole.. We need to take responsibility for our actions from the beginning. I hate that so many women use abortion as a “fix it”… they reason with themselves that they aren’t ready to be parents yet so “hey, i’ll just get rid of it” or “i’m not ready to be with this person so, i’ll just have an abortion” Abortion is a choice BUT what about the CHOICES we make in having unprotected sex, or not taking other precautions to avoid pregnancy altogether? Now, unless a woman is raped and gets pregnant then thats different bc she was robbed of her freedom to CHOOSE.. but when we knowingly have sex without contraceptives and then not want to accept the outcomes…. then we (both men and women) become selfish cowards when abortion is an option. Yes i am referring to myself as well. Its time for ppl to stop sugarcoating what abortion really is in order to pacify peoples feelings.
I have to semi-agree with the previous post…..if women would quit laying down with dudes that simply aren’t worth a crap, then a lot of unplanned pregnancies would and could be avoided.
This can’t possibly be that difficult…..or maybe I’m making too much sense again.
i agree…but they’ll never learn
How do u figure obama wasn’t a planned pregnancy?? God used that for a thing?? So I guess when he allowed manson, stalin, and hitler into the world he was using that for a …bad…thing? OK.
To the pregnant woman: Well, obviously this isn’t going to be an easy decision. At least for me it wouldn’t. And it’s a bit hard to advise you without knowing more about the situation i.e. what your economic situation is like, what social supports you have available to you, your current emotional state, etc…. So that being said, I agree with Fly Guy and think you really need to look within yourself for the answer to this because I don’t know who else would better be able to tell you what’s the best decision for you. I can only tell you what I would do. I would keep the child but what’s right for me or someone else may not necessarily be right for you.
Wish you the best and will be praying for you.
Everyone’s relationship w/God is different. I am a CHRISTIAN and I know if I were to get pregnant tomorrow according to Christian values I SHOULD NOT have an abortion. However, I sinned to get pregnant as I am not married. So…. I would have an abortion. But that is my personal choice.
Young Lady decide how you want to live your life. What is your futuristic vision, an honest vision of yourself. There are no guarantees in life when it comes to a mate choosing to stay with you and/or marrying you and taking care of his child. You have to decide if you can walk this road alone and what explanations you will give to your child if he/she asks “Where is my daddy??” Yes children are a BLESSING but some blessings come w/ a burden to bear before you see the fruits of the labor.
P.S. No matter what you choose use this as a lesson and practice birth control so you’ll never have to make a decision like this again.
Love, EbonyLolita ;)
Damn thats a really tough situation. Personally, the woman is probably better off with her new man and keeping the child, even if the father of her child doesn’t wanna man up and take responsibility.
It happened to me and now over two years later I am overjoyed daily with my son and disgusted with his father. Understand this has nothing to do with the sorry brother that doesn’t want to be a part of their child’s life and you will be ok. You have to rely on God and trust God has a path. Look at Obama now! This is your journey! This didn’t happen TO you, it happend FOR you! You have to grow some thick skin and every day you wonder what if you made a different choice – look at that child and trust you made the right one. The road ain’t always easy but, it’s worth every drop of sweat and tear and sleepless night you will have. You can do it and feel blessed God did choose you and trust He will turn it around for good! It may not come to fruition today, tomorrow or even ten years from now, but it will!
yawn yawn yawn!! this “God” mess kills me…wtf, after i read the 1st comment i just knew everyone elses comment would be about the same shit, so i didnt bother reading them… blahhhh@ all that
anyway i do agree with FG that only her decision matters..she apparently isnt thinking long term about this. being that she mentioned a new bf…he shouldnt have any say so at all lol hes too new
These are questions that should have been considered before the baby became an issue. Your baby didn’t ask to be created, if you didn’t want to become a parent hen keep your legs closed, although you have a new boyfriend, still keep your legs closed. Of course you being pregnant doesn’t bother him, if your sexually active he can’t get you pregnant because your already their, he has no fear of knocking you up. He has no fear of financial responsibility to you so naturally to him it’s not biggie. Perhaps once you do have your baby your current boyfriend may stick around but don’t be surprised if he leaves you for another or for another pregnant girl. Your main focus now should be on preparing for the birth of this baby and hopefully your child will be your first priority and not your boyfriend. Hope you also finish school in the event that you had not, or plan to attend college if you did. You need to work hard to put yourself in a position so that you can be a good provider for this unborn child, if the father doesn’t want to be actively involved don’t worry just go through child support he will be forced to be financially involved.
Anyone who does have the best interest of your child or you at heart need to be cut out of your life even if it’s family. You need to hold fast to your faith and pray and you will get through this situation. Be careful of people making comments about if women laying with dudes that aren’t worth a crap ( some times you don’t see what a person is about until it’s too late, you can see what they want you to see just as you can know a person for 20 years and still not know them.
It takes two to tangle so know that you are not at fault, you are not alone but you will get through it
Peace & Blessings
(i know i’m super late on this post, but below are my thoughts)
do you want to be tied to this EX for the rest of your life? do you want to rely on some new guy who’s offering his services when they’re not really needed right now? are you pro-choice or pro-life? when do you feel a baby is “living” at conception or at the point when it can survive for itself?
other questions i have, are you the girl that “needs” to be in a relationship? how far along are you in your pregnancy, that you have a new boyfriend and are carrying the old one’s baby? that doesn’t make sense to me… did i miss something?