Confused By A Change In His Behavior
Dec 15th, 2009 | Author: The Fly Guy | Category: Fly Letters
Comments (6)
Dear Fly Guy,
Okay so, there’s this guy that I had a crush on for over a decade. We always stayed in contact though both of us were in separate relationships. Once we were single, we decided to become more than” friends,” but without a “title.” At first, it was a long distance thing, as we didn’t want to rush things. But we agreed once we were both in the same place that we would make things official. He was so sweet; hitting me up all day, calling to profess his love, etc. After about a year, he lost his job, and moved to where I am. That’s when things changed. Now he won’t say I love you back, he doesn’t cuddle anymore, and we don’t speak nearly as much as we used to. We don’t go even out (and he’s working now again.)
Does this mean it’s over? I’m not sure how to take this. While we don’t live together, we spend every night together; I sleep over, and have tons of stuff over there. He doesn’t seem to mind me being there, but I’m still so confused. I feel like he’s giving me mixed signals, and I’m debating whether or not to leave. Also, his ex has met his mother and they were only dating a few months, while we’ve been doing this for a few years now and I have yet to meet her. What are your thoughts?
Ms. Confused
Dear Ms. Confused,
You just said a mouthful, but every single one of those words points to a guy who’s no longer mentally or emotionally invested in the relationship. A simple solution would be for you to just move on. But since you’ve invested so much time and energy into the relationship, I would suggest you take this small piece of advice before making a final decision. Tonight, you should sit down with him, and have an honest discussion about your unhappiness with his change in behavior. If you can’t form the words, or fear they won’t come out right, then share your feelings in a letter. Sometimes, it’s as simple as expressing your unhappiness for the other person to see the error in their ways.
Other times though, it’s not as simple. If he still refuses to recommit to you and to the relationship, then your next step should become crystal clear … say goodbye. I hope this helps.
The Fly Guy
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Its crazy that she sent this question in. Im going through a simlar situation. Part of me has known to leave it alone but i put alot of myseld into “us”. But so did he. In the end, hearing it from some else really just………lol
Its time to utter those four words that men all around the world hate to hear:
“We need to talk”
I completely agree with Fly Guy. You should have a talk with him to see whats really going on with him. Something has changed and you deserve to know why. Maybe you should put some distance between the two of you especially if you spend every night together. Going from a long distance relationship into being with someone every night can be a challenge. Have the talk and give the relationship some space. Have a girls night out and let hime have a night out with the guys.
Baby u need steve harvey’s book asap! I think it is every womans relationship Bible!! I thinks he has moved on But maybe he jus keeps you around until he finds the One or some1 who has the potential to be. You haven’t met his mother? Big Red Flag he isn’t serious about you.
This topic reminds me of that song by Tamia…goes like this “does he love me?/ lost interest?/ is he cheating?” forgot the song title.
Have you ever heard of the saying ..” Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”
Sounds like he was only attracted to you sexually, also keep in mind initially you both were in a relationship, many men or males love the challenge or the chase. Your always more attractive when your not available, belong to someone else or hard to get. Once he got you you were no longer interesting to him, he is comfortable with you but not in a relationship kind of way, you messed that up because you had no standards or boundaries and that may have also had an affect on if he respects you or not. If he were to find someone that he was really interested in he would sit you down and have a talk, it is just a matter of time before he dumps you, you may have been the rebound girl for him
Close your legs and keep em tight ~ Make em work for it the right way ` If he wanted you bad enough he would have given you the ring
Peace & Blessings