3 Tips For Dealing With Domestic Disputes

As I sat here getting my daily fill of SportsCenter, the stream of last night’s highlights was interrupted by a breaking news alert: Bengals wide receiver Chris Henry has passed away at age 26.

Damn…

I had to hop on the internet to seek some confirmation. The Associated Press confirmed as much:

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — Charlotte-Mecklenburg police say Cincinnati Bengals receiver Chris Henry has died, one day after suffering serious injuries upon falling out of the back of a pickup truck in what authorities describe as a domestic dispute with his fiancé. Police say Henry died at 6:36 a.m. Thursday. Henry was 26.

Sad…

Death is never an easy subject to deal with—especially when you don’t see it coming. And while his family, friends and teammates cope with the tragedy of this loss, I feel compelled to address the elephant in the room…

This tragedy was caused by a domestic dispute.

I’m sure his fiancé is currently experiencing her lowest point, faced with the realization that the final moments of Henry’s life were spent in a heated argument with her –that’s just a tough pill for anyone to swallow.

But instead of dwelling on the particulars of this tragedy (we need to respect the family’s grieving process), I thought it would be an excellent opportunity for us to examine 3 tips for dealing with your own bouts with domestic disputes. After all, disagreements between couples happen every day, so we might as well be equipped with the tools to properly address them.

The following three suggestions may help.

1. Let cooler heads prevail.

Certain arguments should be tabled for a time when clearer heads can prevail. In the heat of the moment, we often say and do things that are regrettable, which in the end just complicates matters. I’m sure we’ve all been in a fight where we said something that only made things worse (Lord knows, I have.)

And who knows … maybe that’s what Henry’s fiancé was doing. Maybe she was trying to leave the scene so they could discuss their situation following a brief cooling period. We don’t know, and may never know what transpired between them.

As a general rule of thumb though, a good suggestion would be to call a timeout when things get explosive. That way, you both can gain a better perspective on the situation.

2. Really Listen To Each Other.

If the situation needs to be immediately addressed, then at the very least make sure you’re actively listening to the other side. Take the initiative to lead a mature discussion where you work out your differences as adults. Oftentimes, it only takes one person to step up and be the “mature one,” before the other party follows suit.

Besides, by actively listening, you stand a better chance at gaining the insight needed to determine exactly where your wires got crossed.

3. Hold on to what matters most.

In the heat of an argument, we tend to forget what we’re fighting for. That’s what happens in disagreements—they have a habit of morphing into an intense battle of “I want to win the argument,” versus the more noble position that says, “I sincerely want to solve this problem so we can become a better couple.”

So if preserving the relationship is your sincere desire, then you have to keep your need to make things work at the forefront. That alone can cause a dramatic shift in how you tackle the situation.

The Fly (But Sad) Closing

I’ve been meaning to write this piece for quite some time. It just saddens me that a situation like this had to arise before I actually did it. While my heart goes out to the Henry family, I can’t ignore the life lessons that are readily at our grasps as a result of this tragedy.

So if you never remember anything else that I say, then please remember this:

Life is short … Love is precious … And petty arguments often rob us of what matters most –and that’s the opportunity to share both the blessings of life and love with the people that matter the most.

Make sense?