Taking Love For Granted

Welcome back …I was having withdrawal issues lol …This is a very excellent article – the major reason why so many relationships suffer, because no one wants to put an effort into maintaining it once the chase is over. or better yet we reach a comfort zone……have a blessed one !!!

So glad to see you’re back! ((HUGS))

Ill always be back fly guy! That’s what I love about you is the fact you keep it %100 & grow along with US instead of just throwing out advice. That notion alone encourages me. And yes u made a very valuable point about what happens when you neglect love in your life. My current love life is proof. My bf & I of almost 2 yrs are in a very deep situation rite now. A few months ago it was told to me by a ex friend he was cheating on me with a co worker. He was my first love & I never wanted to believe he would do that after so much we went through & how deep the love was. Fast forward to last week & he not only broke down crying admitting his crime but told me this girl called him 2 mons ago wanting a dna test for a child she has the past august. she claimed @first it was her husband’s but now she isn’t sure. If I wasn’t in a better place spiritually I would be in handcuffs but since my journey of enlightment I’ve dealt with it a lot better I think most women would. I kno he is genuinely sorry & he struggled a lot of guilt & regret to the point he thinks of suicide. I still love him & care so deeply I’m tryin to stick by him & lend all the support I can but its hard sometimes cause I still have to deal with my hurt feelings. If the test is negative I am willing to move forward with him & built our love higher but if its true I’m leaving him & I doubt I’ll ever consider a reunion. I can’t stay with him & see this child who was suppose to never be here to begin with. Its hard cause he feels so bad about he did to me & I have points of deep anger but we feel like we understand each others pain so much. I just pray if I have to leave him ill be okay & live a happy life & not be bitter or carry deep hate for men. He loves me very very deeply but knows he has to pay for his mistakes. I’m glad he’s being mature but @the same time I want it to be negative so both our lives will have one less layer of pain. Any positive feedback I welcome BUT human love is what I prefer right about now.

Aww flyguy, I never post but I love this site. It is so refreshing, to msbliss, I went thru a similar situation 2 years ago with my ex..we had been friends for years and took the venture to more, needless to say he made the mistake of sleeping with another woman and getting her pregnant. This was devastating to me since I, probably like yourself wanted a future with him. It took some time for me to let the resentment go and im sure it will take you. But if you love him, and really think he is sincere try to work it out whatever the outcome. Me and him parted ways back then and guess what he is back in my life now two years later and im happier than ever.I think sometimes we go through things and we live and learn. But this is life and we deal with challenges, you have to do what’s best for you.

I am new to your site, but happy that you notice the problem and is going to work on it. I appreciate having the time to read your blog. Look forward to reading, learning and applying what you write.

FG-
Been a reader for a minute now and glad to see you back! Love your perspective on things and as one commenter previously stated, how you keep things 100% This topic is so relevant because I think many of us fail to communicate effectively (and continually) which leads to taking that special someone for granted. I’ve been there, done that, and trying to learn from those mistakes to avoid a repeat. As the saying goes, when you do the same thing over again but expect a different outcome, that’s insanity…
Anyhoo, keep up the great work!

@ONENMILGYRL. I can’t tell u how much that helped me I felt like crying! I feel so alone & I prayed some1 would relate to me. U are truly happy? U can be around the child & be okay? We don’t kno if its his or not yet & she was known as a hoe But if its his I could never stay with him but then out of pure love I’ve done many things I said I wouldn’t. I just hate the feeling of betrayal but alas none are perfect But not to toot my own horn I don’t do terrible things to people. I never made a mistake THAT big! I can forgive but it still hurts me. It hurts even worse cause I kno he loves me. How did yall reunite & what was his excuse? U are a brave & phenomenal woman to come from that & go back to love. I hope that can be me someday

@msbliss, its a loooong journey. Trust me it never started off easy, I had a lot of resentment as im sure you are feeling now. Just remember you are never the first to go through anything. We all go through different journeys in life. We spent 18 months apart..no calls, text, emails anything. But every so often I felt myself missing him, remember all the 100 other reasons I loved him and weighing the pro’s and con’s. It just so happened my older sister’s husband had a child on her during the years they were together. She forgave him..in time, and im happy 2 say they have been married 2 years..together for 12 and just welcomed my beautiful niece to their family. She includes his other son and they make it work. People make mistakes and well you have to do what u feel is right, regardless of what ur family or friends might say..I wish you all the best and yes, im very happy..I feel as though I got a lost love back.

@ONENMILGIRL…the hard part for me is outside people @work well really just one person who feeds off our situation & conspires with “the girl” to just try & shake me. I told my bf I pray its not his baby cause she will come with a lot of drama. When she comes to the job to see co workers she doesn’t say anything directly to Me but the co worker who tries to take shots @me will come back & tell me what she says after she leaves. I have always played it cool & don’t feed into it & I realize how immature both of them are & how unhappy they must be to engage in such negative behavior. I’m currently looking for two new jobs. once I get out this environment I kno I will do ten times better cause as long as I’m there I’m just being harshly judged & ridiculed behind my back. Its sad cause I once called this girl FRIEND. She told me he was cheating BUT she also told every1 that didn’t know ,which hurt like hell. When the girl comes by work she laughs,grins,& prob. Talk about me with her & tries to bring her baby close where I could see it. She claims she hates her but how can u dislike some1 u act so cool with like that??? She,like the girl, is very childish,evil minded,& obviously has poor self esteem to be such low class women. They look @me like I’m stupid & being led by him. Far from true! I’m his best friend,after all he did I’m the one advicing him & trying to comfort him & help us get through this whether we stay 2gether or not. I FEEL bad for THEM who have no idea what unconditional love is & are spiritually dead inside. My self esteem is good because I forgive & love without a cause Just because it helps me & others. If only people like them could see that the world would be a better place.

@msbliss, yes u will always have people ready to judge you and what you have… like I said this can be a test for the both of you. He made a mistake and as much as you are dealing with it, trust im sure he is too..he has to remember that now due to his actions he may have to take on a responsibility he probably wasn’t expecting, even harder with a girl like you described. Just have faith you can get through this, what works for one soul isn’t always the destiny of another. I can’t promise you that it will last but I can tell you if you truly, deeply love him than go with your heart. If you ever wanna chat else where my email is onenmilgyrl@yahoo..take care!

wow.. after reading some of the comments posted. i am left speechless… what is this world coming to when we will allow another person to completely disregard us, our feelings, and our love for them and then still even CONSIDER keeping them in our lives all for the sake of “love” ? REALLY? Is being with another person that crucial? Now, by no means am i passing judgement on anyone for the decision to “love unconditionally”, but i believe that one must love THEMSELVES unconditionally before extending that same to another. If someone blatanly makes a decision to take you or your love for them for granted, then they’ve forfeited the PRIVILEGE to be loved by you. THAT’S how special love is… that it has to be EARNED and MAINTAINED!…Now i could be completely wrong, but if we will allow someone to cause us such hurt and still keep them in our hearts, giving them the same privileges to access our hearts, then WHAT WOULD KEEP THEM FROM REPEATING THEIR ACTIONS… if there are no consequences then NOTHING changes……
I’m just saying…

@amia550, noone said anything about not respecting ourselves. In the eyes of god no sin is worse than another, if you are without sin, than please cast the first stone. I am merely speaking off my experience..I don’t know msbliss relationship to say this is a one time occurence. But I do know plenty of women who have gone through our experience and are very, very happy in their relationship today. If we continously go through life expecting a fairy tale you may wind up empty, if I remember vows come with the phrase” through good & BAD”. I can personally say my bf who I did take almost 2 years apart from, is not the same man I left. He has grown and matured and is a wonderful father most importantly. Sometimes we all must go through certain situations to grow. Like I told msbliss, what one soul does isn’t always going to work for another. I just know that this works for me and I am more happy than ever..god bless

I am very glad that you have found happiness in your relationship through all that you’ve experienced with him. And you are very right about the vows which speak of loving and staying committed through better or worse. But what we fail to realize sometimes is that those vows are designed for us when we enter into a MARRIAGE.
I didn’t imply that you or the other young lady didn’t respect yourselves. All I’m saying is the unconditional love we as women give is so special and deep that it has to be deserved, and if a man can go as far as disregarding that love for SEX, then his actions deemonstrates how HE “appreciates” and “respects” you.
God does heal all wounds and forgives our sins against each other and against HIM. BUT He also gives us WISDOM to protect ourselves from going through Unnecessary experiences. Now if we do choose to go down a path that reeks of destruction, God CAN always turn it around, but why would anyone want to make life and love harder on themselves than it has to be. Alot of times hurt can be AVOIDED if we see the problems for what they are and GO IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION, which goes back to what the Fly Guy is implying in this post.

@AMIA550…I have very good self esteem & YES I forgive wholehearted. Its a difference between feeling the emotions vs becoming it. Yes I was hurt but you know how can you throw God in your comment & then act like love is something you give & take based on the actions of others? But that is how most of the world reacts so I’m not surprised by your statement. I could never picture jesus havin that mentality,thank God. And no its not even about havin a man you have Completely missed the whole point of what we’re talking about & if u haven’t walked in my shoes I really don’t care how you view my situation. I AM a better more caring, more spiritual, more advanced mentally person because of my “unnessary experiences”. Baby I’m thankful to have any experience that teaches & molds me to a higher understanding. My god flows through people who can forgive others for murdering their family members. Honey I can’t give this type of love if I didn’t love myself that’s what u don’t understand. If some1 wants to fight me, hurt me by all means do it cause guess what when I get back up ima still give come with that same love. I don’t kno about you but I live to be the person that is missing in peoples lives. And I constantly reap the blessings of that Every Day. If a mother who lost her baby can sit next to the man who took that childs life & talk to them on that common human level that is missing in this world HOW CAN I, who isn’t going through shit compared to that,NOT FORGIVE my man for something men in the bible & behind the pulpit have done for EVER!? I never said I plan to stay with him but if I do either way like ONENMIL said ima be totally happier. If you can’t walk through the fire 2gether then you aint got no damn relationship, you just chasing a image you made up for yourself. And yes he is VERY much dealing with the consequences of what he did. In more than ways I care to discuss right now. No doubt he is suffering & YES it breaks my heart to see him go through this cause he isn’t a bad man & he made a mistake mostly all men make @some point in their life. Baby it aint about keeping no man it is so MUCH BIGGER than that. This is about dealing with life in general. Thanks for your input though & GOD bless

People come into your life for a reason, season or a lifetime. I wanted to give a positive outlook to msbliss because I am certain everyone is reminding her of the situation, it is always easy to pass judgement from the outside looking in. Even my friends who by the way encouraged me to leave him now are in awe of how we came back together. My bestfriend looked me in the eye and told me she wasn’t surprised, not because she disapproved but because she knew how much he meant to me. As far as with the vows, yes that’s an oath made before god and I feel as though a relationship is a good measure of how a marriage can go. To say that every man is a repetitive cheater is like saying noone can change. I am blessed to say god brought him back in my life because there was a time we did not speak. He is a good man who made one mistake, and had to deal with it.how funny how most women in america are willing to forgive chris brown for beating rhianna to a pulp but we can’t forgive our own men for acting out of the flesh. Men and women cheat for different reasons, men usually cheat for the physical satisfaction while we women are longing for something we are missing at home. Do I recommend every woman to stay with a man who cheated? Heck no, some men aren’t worth it. Just like some women cheat and aren’t worth a good man. But if he is “proving” himself afterwards why wouldn’t u give him some benefit to “re-earn” ur love? My man calls me before he does anything, has cried in my eyes about it, takes care of the 2 most important women in his life next to me: his mom & daughter and his soul desire is to keep me happy from now on. I know of women who men don’t cheat but don’t appreciate them, could care less about making them feel like a queen, don’t take care of their kids or have a job and they stay with him. If I had to choose id pick my one time cheater who through god in our relationship adores me, can be a provider and makes me feel complete . It does take a special woman to stand by a man during a difficult situation such as this. Im sure his family & friends are disappointed and his guilt is eating him up so why fight fire with fire. Like I said msbliss, only you truly know if staying is beneficial for you. We all have to make our OWN choices in life and live with the consequences.

@flyguy, once again thank you for having this wonderful outlet. I love places such as these because different people from all walks of life can come together and discuss different topics. Thank you and keep up the great job.

well thank you for supporting my vision. I really appreciate it. I need to read up and catch up on what you guys were talking about. I feel like I missed out on a good conversation.

Totally agree…I think some people are just in it for the chase and then want more thrills so they disappear to go finding another person to chase…just like a junkie looking for the next high…solid strong loving relationship can’t really grow like that.

well good for you babe. : ) Glad to hear that you are happy, loving, spiritual, forgiving…… and all that other stuff you said.