Rapid Fire Love- Nov. 24

I try to explain the B word thing to my younger sisters & cousins & they don’t seem to get it… thanks for posting that because i am sure going to let them read it…

yeah, it’s pretty ridiculous. I hear it all the time now.

Why do men lie so much about what they have? I think they fantasize so much they actually believe their own lies. And why do men feel it is necessary to flash a wad of money? Keep it up and I just may snatch it out of your hands.

you’ve been dealing with a lot of that lately?

men are very needed creatures & they show it in many ways that they do not like being alone; but why the need to be with many different people?

& I personally hate the B word…it is something that I do not use and totally dislike it when someone calls me one.

When it comes to saying B*tch, I only seem to use it around my gay friends… the term is just used so loosely

Yes unfortunately.

I don’t understand why men expect for you to take them serious when everytime you see them they are with a different girl. I also don’t understand why if men don’t want to be alone then why have so many women, and play with their emotions?

ur so right fly guys

heres my rapid fire:
why do certain guys pass up good girls that they know they can be happy with because they feel that they arent good enough for such a girl…so then they turn to the too jealous, too needy, too materialistic, too demanding, too meticulous, and too “air-headish girls ?

Good list Fly Guy.

My rapid fire

Why does a woman think a man is afraid of commitment when it may be he just doesn’t want to commit to you?
Why can’t men and women in general be accountable for their own actions versus pointing the finger at the opposite gender?

@ qwerty

Because if a man tried flashing his personality or some other inner quality which cannot have an amount placed upon it at the average woman….he’d likely get no response from her.

Here’s some more Rapid Fire:

1. Why do women ignore good men until it’s convenient for them to enter his life? And why does this usually not occur unless she’s been with her share of bad men and is now pretty much used product?

2. What happened to the old days—Boy and girl meet, they like each other, they go out and get to know each other, and the story develops from there? Why all the unnecessary bullshit these days?

3. One of the greatest examples of Black love came from the TV show ‘Good Times’. Florida Evans was definitely NOT a looker, and James Evans was neither rich nor what most women would consider handsome. Yet they managed to work it out better than most of Black America has been doing since then. Maybe some of us need to take that as a hint as far as what we look for in the opposite sex.

4. Why do gay dudes seem to get more play from women than straight guys?

I totally agree with your second point Blaze. On both sides, men and women have a tough time accepting responsibility for their actions. It’s so easy to point the blame at others.

you thirdofaugust didn’t get my point. Why flash the money first? Why not flash the personality first.

By the way I am not average.

gay dudes get more play because they are more honest and not full of bull-ish

Just adding my two cents to the qwerty and thirdofaugust conversation.
If we are to believe what Steve Harvey writes about men…men are driven by what they do and how much they make. So he may not think of it as “flashing a wad of money” but rather that he is showing he is successful. Some men, yes, use it to lure a female but a wittier woman will see through it (likely she will have learned through experience.) So if it happens to you often, maybe you can ask insightful questions to see if he thinks that’s all he has to impress you. To the second issue, thirdofaugust, I would advise any man to still “flash his personality” first. Because if she does not like your true personality, she likely will never like you. So you can save your money! (The economic situation is awful!)

1. Because it would not make sense to lead someone on when it’s not convenient. And stop looking at is as if she is a used product. You really wont understand or appreciate a woman. Think of it as going through life experiences and maybe you can understand why she has a hard time with men.

2. Because society has taught men that courtship is no longer necessary. As a result, many women have stopped expecting it or requesting it. Now it’s more of gaining the upper-hand by dissing someone before they can diss you. (Guy: I’m not going to keep taking her out so she can’t golddig on me. Girl: After we have sex, I am not calling him so he wont have a chance to use me.)

3. Looks have nothing to do with it. Jada Pinkett and Will Smith are a beautiful couple and they SEEM to be making it work.

4. Because gay men understand women emotionally more than men do. They understand why we need to get that statement necklace to go with the bubble dress we just bought. They are honest and vocal (Girl: Does this dress look good on me? Straight man: Uhh…yeah you’re straight. Gay dude: Girl, you look good from the neck to the knees but mami you need to change those shoes.)

@ qwerty

I’m not sure if you knew this or not, but rarely does a man find a woman that accepts his personality first, regardless of how great it is. Most of the time, there’s got to be SOMETHING material (money, looks, clothes, etc.) that draws her to him first. Then, if the man’s personality is good enough, he might have a shot.

But conversely, if a man is lacking in the outer areas, he’ll likely never get a chance to show that great personality of his. I’m currently living this one right now.

Just speaking from personal experience.

@ Qwerty and Bella

So what you’re saying is that gay dudes are better able to help y’all out with shopping and fashion tips?

Seriously….I sometimes wonder if some women would just be better off dealing with WOMEN….You can’t expect the majority of straight men to really be that knowledgeable about women’s fashion.

And Qwerty….if you’re dealing with a good enough man, he’s honest and not full of crap. I know I never have a problem being honest. (Yet, once again, a quality that women say they want is getting me nothing.)

Maybe some women need to wake up and quit trying to get Boardwalk-type qualities out of Baltic Avenue-quality men. A lot of the positive attributes women SAY they want are nullified by the fact that they continuously seek out men that will never possess those qualities.

@ Bella

1. What else is it, then? Because some of those ‘life experiences’ that lead to hurt feelings could have been avoided if women chose better men from jump. All that glitters isn’t gold. Sometimes the best people for us aren’t going to come packaged exactly the way we want them to be.

2. I don’t know what losers y’all ladies have been dealing with, but courtship is still a prerequisite for ANY healthy male-female relationship, And why are men not being courteous and practicing chivalrous anymore? Because women have communicated to men that chivalry is not worth it by choosing men that AREN’T chivalrous and ignoring the gentlemen that still practice courtship.

3. Looks do have something to do with it. We just discussed how women wish a man would show his personality more up front. (Although I’ll believe that when I start getting more positive attention for my personality. LOL)

4. One more comment on this whole gay dude thing: It’s sad if women are sacrificing sexuality in a man over compliments on their dresses and shoes. Why not just take some time and TEACH the man you’re interested in a few things about womens’ clothes, especially since if the relationship’s going well enough, he might want to buy you a nice outfit sooner or later, anyway?

I know I NEVER found ANYTHING attractive about lesbians…..I like my women like I like my alcohol….STRAIGHT. I got enough homeboys. LOL

I don’t know where you are meeting women. I knew you said you were in the military. But I think you need a better approach to women. If you would probably be yourself you might meet a better class of people. But don’t try to over impress a person – just be yourself. In other words just be yourself if you shy you shy, if you funny you funny – just don’t send our a wrong impression and try to back track and change yourself.

@ qwerty

I’m actually not really meeting women anywhere at the moment. I have a lot of things working against me at the moment. I’m 25 with the mindset of a 35 year old man. I’m in the military. I’m overseas. And I’ve been through a lot of garbage despite my overall limited experience with relationships.

But I’m definitely not afraid to be myself. However, one has to wonder what’s going on when the opposite sex isn’t looking for the things that entail ‘myself’.

Third, I know this is an A and B conversation but I’m gonna C if I can add something. LOL It seems like you attract shallow women. You mention that you are speaking from personal experience when you say “if a man is lacking in the outer areas” he will never get a chance. Perhaps you send off a vibe that you have this insecurity and women do not want to be with an insecure man.

What you have to realize is that everyone will have someone that finds them attractive the way they are and everyone will have someone that can’t see past their outer flaws. You should probably look at yourself and constantly tell yourself how attractive you are despite certain flaws. For example, Halle Berry might be extremely beautiful to most but to one man, he may not be able to look past her back acne. (no idea if she has it)

Yes. That is pretty much what I am saying. A woman will deal with a gay guy simply for the friendship. We can speak to them about the things women like to talk about without the hormonal issues with our female girlfriends. And exactly what I’m saying…I do not expect a straight man to be knowledgeable about fashion. I would not mind including my man on fashion but I don’t expect him to be all that interested. I have no desire to change a man into a girlfriend…otherwise, I’d find another man! Most women have no desire to be physical or intimate with a gay man and I certainly would not view one as a protector which is important to me.

Majority of women try to exercise patience when dealing with a guy they are really into. So in her desire for things to work out, she may deal with a guy who to others see as obviously not a good catch. So in the “package” that we get, even though it may not be what we want it to be, we try to work with it. Point #2 pretty much reiterates my point and you’re right that courtship is a requirement. Think about it, seriously. Have you always chosen the best women?

I have never found anything attractive about a gay man except for a friendship.
LOL Why do men rarely invite their woman to watch sports games and would rather watch with their buddies? Because they don’t want to spend the game explaining all the plays! Get my point?

lol @ bella about Halle’s back acne. But I agree I think 3rd of august does have some type of insecurities that he his vibing off. When I was overseas I knew I was prettiest thing walking in my combat boots. Now I am the prettiest thing walking in steel toe boots. It’s all in how you project yourself. And 3rd of august I am walking with a smile always. So baby put a smile on and walk with great confidence (it’ll show you got some swagger). Take care of yourself overseas. It ain’t easy but it always gets better. I pray you make it home safely.

@ Bella

I was never the guy that really cared how attractive he was on the outside (although I never let that keep me from making sure I have my A game on whenever I step out the door)….but maybe I should give that a try. Although I must add that I’ve never received much compliments on my looks from women my age, though.

@ qwerty

I hope things get better. Like in sports….a team can’t lose EVERY game forever. Eventually something’s got to add up and they start winning.

@ Bella

The impression I get when I see a bunch of gay (or otherwise ‘questionable’) dudes getting play from women is that women want gay dudes…..because, honestly, y’all ladies can get the same level of friendship from a straight man if you put your mind and a little effort into it. I think y’all go the gay dude route because it doesn’t require a lot of effort on your behalf.

Again, I as a man feed off of the decisions I see women make. For example….women choosing thugs and otherwise bad/no good guys over good men? I’m going to start thinking that’s what they really want. (Actually, I’ve BEEN thinking that since that’s what women have BEEN doing for decades, now.)

As far as courtship and choosing women…..The circumstances and the process which I go through to select a woman has never actually allowed me to determine how good she was since we usually just end up dating and that’s it.

And I would love to find a woman that I actually could watch football with. Hell, I’ll explain a few basics of the game if need be. It’s called spending quality time together….something I have never really been able to experience yet in my life. . Just don’t sit there commenting on how cool the Tennesse Titans’ jerseys look or how muscular Terrell Owens is….lol

Ummmm….(gonna give my 2cents on one thing)
From my experience – men o get really lonely but don’t say anything about it. They then act on it irrationally w/o thinking it out first.

Lonely men is an epidemic that I never recognized years ago. The ‘B’ word is used in different ways and should be left up to the user. If you don’t like it then that’s how you feel so don’t use it. You is not ‘them’.

Im so sorry F.G., but I beg to differ men are just as needy, jealous, materilistic, and meticulous as most women. I find that men just can not handle being with a independent, self assured, WOMAN. And women regard some men as dogs b/c they keep being “dogged” out by Punk Azz Boys, frontin like they are men!!!!

@ CaliLuv

There’s a difference between being ‘independent’ and simply not knowing how to be humble about how well you’re doing in life.

I find that a lot of women throw the ‘independent’ title around too damn much for my liking. Okay, we see you and we hear you loud and clear….you can pay your own bills on time, you have a job, and you have a car and a house/apartment…..Whoop-de-doo…That’s the same stuff most NORMALLY FUNCTIONING ADULTS have going on for themselves. If y’all want a gold star for being AVERAGE, then I can FedEx you one. LOL

Where the water becomes murky is when women use the fact that they can take care of themselves to make it sound like they ‘don’t need a man’ for anything. Well…..GREAT! You can be by yourself all the rest of your life with that mentality. Because I as a man want a woman that can not only take care of herself….but one that knows how to STFU and be humble about it, too. Running off at the mouth isn’t always an indication of strength. Some women feel like they have to go advertising their so-called independence all over the place, and in reality they’re just letting men know that they think men are only good for paying their bills and such. Those are the women I run from…..quick-fast.

I really have to agree with you on that Third_of_August…that is a concise observation you have going on there. The overall summation is a thought that most women do not understand or care to understand (guilty as charged myself, sometimes). But from a womans point of view we normally only point these things out as to NOT be classified or categorized as the gold-diggers that are cleverly disguising themselves nowadays as real women. With that said I give you a gold star for articulation, but Im gonna fight you about that “STFU and be humble about it” comment, LOL…play nice and try to see it from our perspective.

@ BK

Hey…..thanks for understanding where I was coming from.

As far as independent women go….let’s analyze the following often-used quote from women:

“I don’t need a man, I can pay/buy/take care of _______ myself.”

Okay. those two clauses are COMPLETELY independent of each other (they have nothing to do with each other)—-but women use them together so blatantly that it leads me to thinking that they think men are only good for paying their bills and pampering them.

Can we say—–’Golddigger?’ lol

@ BK

Oh….and I don’t play nice anymore. Not sure if you got the email, but nice guys finish last. In fact….they finish two spots after that guy that finished last. lol

I see where you’re coming from. At the end of the day all we can go, all we can really draw from is what we see from the opposite sex. But I honestly do not believe any of the women you see around gay dudes WANT them. Some guys I have come across and want to have strong friendships with suddenly end it once I let them know I have no sexual interests. So that is difficult for me to believe because I have yet to see it.

That’s what you date for, right? To see how good she is. If not, you should use it to do so instead of aimlessly pursuing or spending time with the wrong woman.

And unfortunately, that may be exactly what you hear watching a game with a woman. Like seriously, when I think of titan, I think this brute being…so why the baby blue?

@ Bella

Those guys that said they wanted friendship obviously weren’t 100 percent honest with you if they bailed like that. That’s the best answer I have for that comment.

I date to try and get to know a woman on a more personal level. Usually, I’ve found out the basics before I even ask her on a date. (And even then, I have to have reason to believe that the relationship’s got some potential to develop as well.)

And as far as the Titans’ colors go…the baby blue is carried over from back in the day when the franchise used to be the Houston Oilers—back in the Warren Moon days….lol. In fact, during their first two seasons in Tennessee (1997 and 1998), the team was actually named the Tennessee Oilers, but they changed the name for obvious reasons. (The ‘oil’ is still in Houston, not Tennessee. LOL)

i understand where the bitch comment comes from, but at the same time, everything must be taken in context. A stranger may think I’m disrespecting my friend when I call her a bitch, but neither of us think that. Does that make it disrespectful? I think not. My friends and I engage in sarcastic humor more often than not and insults are just part of that. If a man cannot wrap his head around that, then I wouldn’t want to be with him.

And putting all of that aside, I don’t think men should speak to their women like their girlfriends do. It is just two different aspects of our identities that we show with different people, and I believe they should be somewhat seperate.

Ohh I loved this!!
*I disagree with changing the perception that all men are dogs. I mean it may take some work that some men are not cut out for hence the cycle continues. But let me tell you, if you put some loving on a women for REAL… she won’t think that way always.
*I fell trap to that bitch thing. However… my friends and I usually don’t SAY it verbally in conversation to each other. It’s more a AIM, BBM kind of thing. “Bitch” is a touchy word and context is key. You ever seen a friend use it the other way on her friend— watch how quick shit pops off. LMAO… you’ll gain instant understanding. I have friends who let their man say “that’s my bitch” (cringe). That is terrible. I find it disgusting. I can’t even elaborate more— its not cool.
*My downfall, I’m too strong-minded. LOL… I guess. So it’s not the air head thing… some men can’t take a women who knows more than them when they’re used to being right. Can’t lie though, thats a helluva ego booster. “You can’t handle my opinions?” *brushes off shoulders” “Cool…”

all and all i loved this.