Understanding What It Takes To Love

Oct 15th, 2009 | Author: admin | Category: Fly Perspectives
Comments (10)

“Love is built on two pillars that best define what it is. Those are patience and kindness. All other characteristics of love are extensions of these two attributes.”

Deep right? At least, that’s what I thought.

As I read those words, I exhaled a bit. Why? Well, patience and kindness have always rested at the core of who I am as a human being, and who I strive to be as a man. So in my mind, it served as an affirmation that I was on the right track. But as soon as I tried to savor that personal epiphany, my mind was instantly flooded with a stream of sobering communal realities…

“For every person that practices patience, isn’t there at least 5 who don’t? And what about kindness … doesn’t there seem to be this belief that kindness equates to weakness, and that’s why most people try to avoid it?”

Thud. That was the sound of my high crashing back down to a world filled with unhappy, unloved people.

So is that what’s wrong with us?

Can our inability to experience lasting love really be traced back to a deficiency in patience and kindness?

There just seemed to be so many questions and not enough answers … which is why I need your help. For as much as I provide you insight on love and relationship, I learn just as much from you through our constant dialogue as a Fly community.

So do me a favor: give me your thoughts, not only on the opening quote, but also on my thoughts that followed.

I’m looking forward to hearing from you.

_____________________________________

Note: This picture has nothing to do with the piece. I just hope my siblings look at me with the same type of pride when they read my work…

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  • Bahama

    At first I completely agreed with patience, kindness tho? Not so much. Some people really take advantage of that trait. Then I thought about it and looked it up and one of the synonyms made me change my mind. Thoughtfulness….. If more people were thoughtful…I can’t even imagine what the world be like let alone having a loving lasting relationship. I would agree more with that than kindness for me to truly accept the quote.

    To answer your question…yes.

  • chocolate

    I have always believed that it was trust, honesty, and faith (I know that’s three, but I have always looked at it that way), but we are living in a different time. I think that this new generation is just so fast, they don’t have the time to be patient anymore; and with a lot of people out there (both men and women) the worst you treat me the more I want to be with you. Its simple Patience is a birth defect and nice guys (both men and women) finish last.

  • msbliss

    Patience, kindness, & forgiveness are Not signs of weakness its very much the opposite. My soul is more at peace & my heart so much stronger when I love people who don’t show it 2 me. Hurt people,hurt people & I’m not hurting so I don’t hurt people. Yes a lot of people do horrible things its either out of mental defect or unconsciousness BUT unconsciousness is about denial of the Now. I accept every moment as it happens & once its over,it no longer exist so Yes I can still feel hurt but it doesn’t have time to linger & mess with my inner being.

  • http://www.reinasong.com Reina

    I’m not sure that patience & kindness would’ve been the pillars I chose, but then again, I don’t have any better substitutes. Kindness, I have in abundance. Patience, on the other hand, eh…it’s somewhere deep inside. I wish I understood love. I wish I could verbalize what makes love succeed, but alas, I have yet to succeed at it.

  • Glamagirl

    Hello Fly Guy and others. I have been a lurker…boooo..lol for a while. I wanted to just put what 1 Corithians 13 (Christian Bible) says about love here: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

    I have patience when it comes to the person that I care deeply for and kindness is naturally instilled in me. I am content with doing kind things for others because I enjoy being that way. I hope that all of us can someday honestly practice and adapt these ways to develop lasting relationships one day.

  • http://whatsheneedsfromyou.wordpress.com Ken Kendall

    Dude, all I can say is only a fly guy would take the time to talk about important issues such as these.

    I think without patience there is no hope for any relationship. So on that one I agree without hesitation. As for kindness, I only have my perspective. I went through a divorce about three years ago after a very difficult 19 year marriage. When a relative asked me what I would value above all else in a wife, when remarrying, I said emphatically, “KINDNESS.”

    I value that trait above all others. It is not weakness. It is only through strength that you can truly be kind when it is much easier and very acceptable in our culture to be a jerk.

    Thanks for the great posts you do. I am so glad I found your blog.

    I have seen many of your readers check my blog out as well, thank you all. I hope you will keep coming.

    http://whatsheneedsfromyou.wordpress.com

    Thanks,

  • http://whatsheneedsfromyou.wordpress.com Ken Kendall

    Amen. That is my goal in loving my wife everyday. These are true love. And we know that the greatest of all is love.

    http://whatsheneedsfromyou.wordpress.com

  • CocoaSweetCream

    At first I agred with @Bahama about kindness being a weakness but if two people are equally kind to one another than there leaves no room for one person to take advantage of the other. I think thats what most people fail to realize when getting into a relationship. Sometimes we spend so much time trying not to be taken advantage of or playing the fool that we’re not focused enough on just showering that other person with kindness which in turns shows love….okay Im stepping off my soap box now lol

  • Ms Yvonne Henderson

    TO LOVE AND BE LOVED TWO PEOPLE HAVE TO FIRST GET AN UNDERSTANDING OF EACH OTHERS FEELINGS. GO SLOW BE PATIENT, FOOLS RUSH IN.

  • bks_boss_bytch

    Finally, someone who speaks my language about this generation moving at lighten fast speed but have no clue as to the direction they are headed. We surely are living in a different time. I always say these young minded females (and that means 18-40ish) make it hard for a strong woman who isnt going to put up with just any kind of treatment just for the sake of saying I have a man. Im sure men experience this as well…just not as often as we do. There are way more mature women ready to love correctly then there are men ready to be loved (jmo) *Im jst saying* ….LOL