I Don’t Want A Man With Bad Credit
Oct 6th, 2009 | Author: The Fly Guy | Category: Fly Letters
Comments (13)
Dear Fly Guy,
I have a serious problem. I thought I found Mr. Right, but recently discovered he has bad credit!!! I don’t want to seem materialistic, but having good credit is a big deal to me. I can’t see myself settling down with a man who’s going to be irresponsible with his finances. What should I do? Do you think I should go ahead and break it off, or am I overreacting? Help!
Carla
Dear Carla,
You have every right to be concerned about your significant other’s credit score—particularly if the two of you are considering marriage. But before you hastily kick him to the curb, I’d like to leave you with some food for thought:
“A person’s past is never a clear cut indicator of who they are now, nor who they will be in the future.”
Having a poor credit score is not a death sentence. All it takes is time, effort and discipline to turn the corner and to experience better days in that arena. So instead of making a big deal about his past mistakes, what you should be focused on are his current actions. Is he actively working to improve that area of his life? Or is he all talk with no actionable evidence to suggest that this is something that he’s really trying to correct? If your answer is the former, then I think it would be unwise for you to leave him based on his current credit score. However, if his actions are more in line with the latter, then the alarms in your head have every right to be ringing as loudly as they are. Whatever you decide, I would advise you to mull it over with both your head and your heart first, as these decisions are never cut and dry. I hope this helps.
The Fly Guy
(2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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I say stay if he is currently fixing it. As hard as times R now I’m in the process of paying off credit cards & I have learned SO much about how important this is. I’m 22 now but at the time lik 2 yrs ago lol I was young & not clear how credit cards work BUT I’m a pro now! Lol. I couldn’t blame a man for being concerned But lik fly guy said as long as ur not married & have a agreement 2 work out those bills Let the Love Roll On! But also Be supportive & constant encouragement won’t hurt either. Ima bout 2 pay my first card off! Hallaluja!! Lol
I understand your point BUT as long as he is trying & you have the agreement he is to improve on it don’t let it block ur love. Give him extra encouargment & support cause it is a trying thing 2 deal with BUT like fly guy said with hard work it can be repaired & even higher than be4!
If the relationship is getting serious, his credit score is definitely something to be worried about. I’m not sure if it’s worth breaking up over, but if he isn’t making strides to correct it and instead is just hoping it magically corrects itself, I say exit stage left. I wouldn’t consider it in my best interest to remain me with someone else who felt no need to correct something that will be with him for the rest of his life.
On the contrary, I believe a person’s past behavior is a VERY clear indicator of how they will operate in the future.
We have a difference of opinion then. The past can provide clues, but it is not a definitive guide to how a person will behave in the future. If that were the case, then there would be no point in trying to grow and better yourself as a person.
Many of us have past habits and behaviors that we’ve been fortunate enough to grow out of. For me, it was wanting to be with a lot of women. In the same way that I was able to grow out of that, I believe a person can mature with their finances as well.
The greatest indicator of future behavior is past behavior.
Theres this one guy I was dating and was not wanting to be with me because I’m in debt. What I don’t understand is why he’s making me seem like the bad guy. My debt is for a student loan. His debt, back child support and taxes he didn’t pay from years ago. I’m paying on my student loan. He’s paying on his back child support but its more than what I owe.
Some of these comments bout a person’s past are killin me. Don’t let us find out about some of the jacked u thigs you did in college, or whateveroherseleto youhave in your closet.People change. I know I have. So don’t be so quck to judge a person just on their past. If it were you in their shoes, I’m sure you wouldn’t wanted that same type of harsh judgement
So happy 2 have u back fly guy
Communication is key! Talk to the guy,find out where his head is.
What is he doing about eliminating the debt? If he’s being reponsible
& trying to get things back in order stay. Also, find out what caused the debt.
Was there an accident or illness that lead to him being unemployed for a period of time?
Talk to him and be honest. People make mistakes, lear from them, grow & never
Repeat them all the time.
Its so good to have you back Fly Guy!
I definitely wouldn’t end the relationship just because of bad credit, at least not yet. First all do you know the circumstances of which his debt was acquired…medical bills, layoff’s, student loans…etc. You also have to take in account how old he was when he started to make poor financial choices. For instance, I know so many people, myself included who went and got credit cards in college and used them unwisely. I’d say allow him to try to rectify the situation without backing off because of it. Bad credit is not the end all…you made have to pay a little bit more from stuff but that doesn’t mean that he hasn’t learned from the past and it doesn’t mean that he can’t give you what you want. I’ve done things in my PAST that I’ve truly left behind, I’d hate to think that someone would pass me by without FIRST giving me the benefit of the doubt. You may have GOOD credit, but that doesn’t mean that you haven’t done anything in your past that you wouldn’t want to be judge for. Think on it.
I don’t know about the people on here anymore. I strongly disagree with what most of these people are saying but the only one who expresses their views where i can disagree agreeably is Reina. Some of the others—all i can do is shake my head and weep for the future.
I think the woman has every right to be concerned about a guy’s finances. If he’s currently making active strides in improving that area of his life then I agree with FG that you should take that into consideration. If he is not taking steps to correct that situation then you should take that into consideration also. People make mistakes, but the key is if they learn AND make changes so that it doesn’t happen again.