Her Behavior Is Unacceptable

Oct 8th, 2009 | Author: admin | Category: Fly Letters
Comments (15)

willsheactright

Dear Fly Guy,

I have a problem which may or may not be common. On the inside, I’m a sweet, give-until-I-have-no-more, take care of you, type of person. Yet when I meet guys and spend time with them, I put up this mean, bitchy, cynical front. This is my wall to avoid getting hurt. I also figure if you can get past the ‘bitch’ in me then you deserve to experience the wonderful person that I am on the inside. I only do this because I need him to display some type of commitment before I show my commitment (i.e. revealing the inner me). Needless to say, this isn’t working. I just don’t see why I should be that giving, sweet individual, which I feel is a privilege to witness (hope that doesn’t sound too narcissistic), and they haven’t proven themselves worthy. Am I approaching this situation wrong? I am oh so confused. Thank you for your time and consideration in this matter.

Brittany

What’s Up Brittany,

In my opinion, you’re absolutely approaching this the wrong way. People shouldn’t have to earn the opportunity to see you be a nice, pleasant person. If that’s who you really are, then that’s who you should be … regardless of the situation. The other qualities that you described—those of being a caring, giving person—are the ones that can be earned over time. But displaying common courtesy should be a given … not just with potential suitors, but with everyone.

My advice to you is to stop operating in extremes. Just because he hasn’t earned your confidence doesn’t give you the license to automatically jump to bitch mode. No guy with good sense is going to stick around and get to know a mean, cynical bitch (your words, not mine.) If he does, then that’s a poor reflection of who he is and what he values.

So give my approach a shot. I’m a firm believer that you’ll get a lot further in life (and in relationships) by being nice. Besides, its not like your current approach is working anyway, so you might as well give my theory a try. Before I close this out, I want you to do me this one final favor … smile. There’s nothing more unattractive than a woman who frowns all the time. Trust me.

The Fly Guy

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  • Brandon B.

    I hope that other women are reading this. There are a lot of women out here that act like this. Nobody wants to jump through hoops and hurdles for someone that acts like this. That’s ridiculous. Good advice.

  • http://www.from32b.wordpress.com Denisha

    Great advice. Her wall of defense was bringing her down and limiting her relationships. Clearly she knew it wasn’t working but prb needed confirmation.

  • Teas

    Well said Flyguy! She needs a balance…NO ONE wants to deal with a person like that., doesn’t matter what sex you are. It’s like having to take alot of exams from a school, you’re not even sure you want to attend yet….

  • http://www.flaglerhill.com Blaze

    Definitely a defense mechanism to hide some insecurities she may have deep inside.

  • msbliss

    I share these same problems so I feel %100! But I’ve been dealing with this since high school cause guys never gave me a chance & if they did I always felt it was for the wrong reason So I built up that same wall 2 avoid deeping my already low self esteem. Thank God for spiritual enlightenment! I started to realize its for my Own benefit 2 be pleasant to Everyone. You have 2 get over rejection & realize either they like u or they don’t. Not ur lost or problem.Infact its a blessing. But I can say from experience “If they don’t like you atleast have them respect you”! I promise it will help your love life. Like steve said “ACT like a LADY, but THINK like a MAN”

  • bogart4017

    well said flyguy.

  • Medina

    I agree with being a nice person but also nice people tend to get s***ted on. Maybe Im generalizing when I say that men SEEM to respect “bitches” more. I’ve seen it time and again. The “bitches” I know seem to get everything they want and nice girls?? Not so much…

  • Derek

    Proper point. I’ve witnessed that through other individuals and its so accurate. Im just heated do to women saying where are the good men, but when one is present and has common sense, he gets shited on.

  • Tamika P.

    very good…no one in their right mind wants to deal with that…too much headache before you even know if it’s worth it

  • Medina

    @ Derek, I understand what you’re saying but let me add this. It’s not that women dont like good men. We LOVE good men! Unfortunately, alot of good men tend to also be pretty boring, which doesn’t do much for attraction. I think women generally like a guy who’s nice with a slight edge (confidence). Notice it’s usually the a**hole guys who have the most confidence AND women.

  • Erica

    I AGREE W/MEDINA VINSON ON THAT ONE ! WELL SAID GIRL!

  • Derek

    @medina. True indeed

  • Medina

    Thanks guys :)

  • http://urbanfrugalchic.com Cynthia

    Great Advice!

  • Dashaun

    I do not agree. The reason why women can’t allegedly find good men .Is not about being boring . They often overlook good men in favor of ass#$#$#### .They get they opinions form society magazines and books and other crap instead of getting to know what a good man is. Many of them do not know! Boring please ! I’m bored with unintelligent women who are always right and couldn’t pick a good man if their lives depended upon it. Hey here’s an idea ! Look a partner and be a partner ! Be a friend ! be a good woman ! hey give the guy that adores you a chance ! You can be wrong about men.about attraction and about most things that you’ve been taught. Be able to contribute more than a open mouth and open legs ! Game recognizes game !