6 Signs She's Thinking of Cheating

Aug 7th, 2009 | Author: | Category: Fly Features
Comments (14)

I found an interesting female perspective detailing six reasons that your woman may be on the verge of cheating. It’s worth the read, and hey, since a woman wrote it, it’s that much more pleasurable … (I like it when they reveal inside trade secrets.) So enjoy the read, and give feedback at the end. Happy reading…

Written by: Laura Ongaro

First, let me defend the sisterhood by saying, many, many women don’t cheat. Especially when we’re in happy relationships. If we’re really into a guy, we’re loyal-from-first-kiss. Faithfulness is hardwired into our female circuitry, like our need to cuddle and to buy shoes.

Now, the unfortunate exception: Some do. Okay, a lot do: The incidence of extramarital intercourse for women is 25 percent, and the estimate of single women who’ve cheated is even higher. And if a woman is going to cheat, there are surprisingly specific times when she’s likely to do it.

Pay attention, because even if you’re sure your woman would never stray, the urge may pop up at one of these times. Then put our advice to work, because the follow-through doesn’t have to happen.

She’s Turning 25 or 30 or 35 or . . .

Decade and half-decade birthdays trigger navel-gazing-figuratively, and perhaps literally. A woman asks herself, “What have I been doing for the past 5 years?”

“She’ll think deeply about her love life and its direction, and if it’s not going the way she planned, she might jump at the chance to correct it with an affair,” says Don-David Lusterman, Ph.D., a psychologist and the author of Infidelity: A Survival Guide.

The incidence of birthday cheating triples in women who report being in unhappy relationships, according to a survey by infidelity.com.

The plan: Be there.
There are 2 nights when every straight woman wants a man in her bed: New Year’s Eve and her birthday. Leave her solo and you’re giving her permission—and reason—to cheat. And remember, birthday sex is about the birthday girl. Presents are good, too. Especially jewelry.

She’s Been Promoted

Women like to have projects and goals. When she reaches a milestone-say, in her career—she may start to think, Now what? says Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D., author of Can We Forgive Adultery? Staying Not Straying. For her next challenge, she may focus on another big part of her life—say, her relationship. Riding the high of her work success, she’ll feel that goals are achievable, and she’ll be motivated to get the rest of her life on track.

Also, women with fat salaries are more likely to cheat. A University of Washington study found that people who earned $75,000 or more per year were 1.5 times more likely to have had extramarital sex than those earning less than $30,000.

The plan: Brag about your woman’s promotion.
“Most guys make the mistake of not doing enough to celebrate their girlfriends’ accomplishments,” says Scott Haltzman, M.D., a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry and human behavior at Brown University. “When she sees you honoring her, she’ll feel as valued by you as she does at work.”

Translation: She won’t look for that emotion elsewhere—like in the marketing veep’s bed.

She’s Moving in with You

Yes, it was probably her idea. But now that you’re together 24-7 and sharing every detail of your lives, there’s not as great a need to keep the conversation flowing every minute.

“She could subconsciously interpret this as meaning that you think she’s boring,” says Stuart Fischoff, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at California State University at Los Angeles. “If there’s someone else around who finds her attractive and intriguing-and shows it-she might go for him instead.” (A menshealth.com survey found that 41 percent of women who’ve cheated did it with a coworker.)

And again, with the whole goal thing-now that you’ve moved in together, she’ll be thinking about the next step, such as engagement or marriage.

“Face it, most women want marriage, and they want to have children,” says Susan Heitler, Ph.D., author of The Power of Two. “If you’re withholding either or both, you’re inviting the risk of her turning to someone else who can make that commitment and give her children.”

The plan: Make it clear that you’re thinking of living together as a starting point.
Talk about the future. Talk about her in your future.

She Thinks You’ve Cheated

Revenge affairs are common. Women have them in an attempt to restore self-esteem and feel desirable again.

“It comes down to human nature,” Heitler says. “She’ll want to get even.” She won’t necessarily go out looking to hook up, but when she’s tempted, the fact that you’ve done it may weaken her self-control.

The plan: If you are cheating or have cheated before, confess and apologize.
A survey conducted by Peggy Vaughan, author of The Monogamy Myth, showed that 86 percent of couples who discussed one partner’s affair were still married, compared with 59 percent of couples who barely talked about it.

If you’re not cheating, you have one paranoid woman on your hands. She probably has low self-confidence. Your job: Compliment her, sincerely, specifically, and often.

“You can make her feel better about herself so she won’t become vulnerable to these unfounded suspicions,” Fischoff says.

She’s Not Getting Enough

Oxytocin, a hormone that plays a central role in our urge to bond, spikes to levels three to five times higher than usual just before orgasm. The hormone is more intense in females than in males, so women develop a stronger sense of bonding through sex.

“If the two of you are not having as much sex as you used to, she might interpret this as a sign that you don’t find her attractive and that you don’t love her,” Fischoff says. “She may seek someone outside the relationship to validate that she’s still sexually attractive.”

A so-so sex life could also mean you have unresolved problems between you. Research conducted by Shirley Glass, Ph.D., author of Not Just Friends, found that 79 percent of cheating women cited dissatisfaction in the marriage as the cause.

The plan: Have more sex.
If she’s the one who doesn’t want sex, investigate why. Fix it. Get naked.

She’s Ready to Bolt

One more reason a woman might cheat: She wants to dump you. Infidelity can break up couples, so she might cheat on purpose as an easy out.

David Buss, a Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin and the author of The Evolution of Desire, asked 100 men and women which tactic they would use to get out of a bad relationship. One of the most common answers: Start an affair.

The plan: She sucks—let her go.
You’re free!


Bookmark and Share       Email     Subscribe

Enjoy this article? If so, share it with a friend and subscribe to the Fly Guy Chronicles RSS feed.

  • http://undressingher.com undressingHER

    yea, well I can agree with most of this. Thankfully, I’m not committed to anyone, so they can’t “cheat” on me.

  • Teas

    she pretty much got it down pack. In addition, is a woman that has a “man mentality” (and there are ALOT out there) they just want to do them before they get done in. Sounds crazy but it happens.

  • http://areyouagoodcatch.blogspot.com areyouagoodcatch

    All these might be true… I however think most women cheat because of two basic things, lack of attention and bad sex.

  • http://www.twitter.com/luvleatl Luvleatl

    Okay I personally have never cheated but I do agree with the things that she wrote!!!
    Also “Are You a Good Catch” hit it right on the head!!! Those two reasons alone will make you think really hard about cheating!!!

  • http://milly-o.blogspot.com/ Milly

    This is so true!

  • Purple Rain-8

    I agree that these things might lead to a woman cheating. But what’s common in all of these is the lack of attention from her man (like areyouagoodcatch said). A woman wants to feel sheltered, comforted, and wanted. And men often get comfortable and stop doing the special things they used to. So I women seeks else where to obtain the feels she wants. My mom always said “what he want do someone else will”!

  • Dalesa222

    I agree with the blog, I have never cheated both I have thought about it numerous times, men must now that as women we need to feel cherished and loved and when that is not done we will find someone who will do your job.

  • Dalesa222

    sorry about the typo it was I have never cheated but I have thought about it numerous times, men must

  • Lila

    Oh right on the target! I’ve only ever cheated when the GUY cheated first. AND cheating really is kind of like breaking up isn’t it? Cause the thought of being with the other guy just crosses your mind, even though you don’t take him seriously and you’re basically still in love your boyfriend. It did happen when we moved in together but not because i wanted marriage and babies. It was more because HE cheated on me, and i didn’t do anything wrong! Once you’ve actually BEEN cheated on is when you become receptive to the whole idea. Sorry if this sounds mean but i just wanted to say that. I feel like a freakin’ concentration camp survivor is what i feel like!! Because after you get cheated on multiple times it’s like you have some bitterness in you that stays there years after it even happened, maybe even the rest of your life.

  • ExoticMulatta25

    OMG, this article should be sent to every guys email. Everything on this article is so precise.. I feel as though my life was just described in a few short paragraphs. I have NEVER been faithul before getting married and I am now ion the verge of being unfaithful because ” I AM NOT GETTING ENOUGH” . I am very sexual and like being kissed and touched but for some reason my husband is always rejecting me. I am a very attractive, smart, confident, sexy woman and I would think a man wants all that in a woman but apparently mines doesnt! I have tried to explain to my husband my needs for more sensuality and he just blows me off. I have even told him if this continues I would cheat and he ignores it as if I wont do it. I am pretty much fed up and feel like I shouldnt be dealing with lack of sex at my ripe age of 25. Thx, I love the article.

  • Merri_D

    This article just gave me life! Everything she said is so true!! Those milestone birthdays really does something to us!! Good Job Laura!!

  • Love

    I have been cheated on several times. I personally have not cheated EVER and i can not imagine myself cheating on someone because I know how much pain it causes.
    I am currently engaged with a guy I have been with for over 3 years and have liked for over 5 years. However, he cheated on me for 6 months and finally confessed. I forgave him but our relationship has never been the same ever since… I don’t know what I should do part of me loves him but the other is afraid to trust him…..

  • Lost Soul

    A little to late for me. Being wrapped up in my own advancement at work, I failed to throw a party for my wife’s 5 year anniversary of opening her own business which was thriving. The guy who owns our building did however and she invited all the tenants from the other businesses in the building. She was really swamped the following week at work, or so I was told, so to make it up I decided to bring dinner to her at work and help out with what I could. Using my key, I walked in to her office to my very own surprise, her on all fours and her landlord pounding away drenched in sweat. The most disheartening thing was she told him: “no, dont stop, keep going..we are already caught and this feels to good”  My next stop was that same building the next morning. A lawyers office was in the same building. I never did solve my other dilemma of whether or not to tell his wife.  

  • https://twitter.com/testy_tenderoni testyt

    This is a great article and I agree with it 100%. I also agree with the previous comments every guy should read this because it may save their relationship