5 Keys To Asking A Woman Out

Aug 3rd, 2009 | Author: admin | Category: Featured, The Chronicles
Comments (22)

Pop quiz: “What’s the correct way to ask a woman out on a date?”

Now the average man has been approaching women since around age 12 (and some of us much earlier), but there still seems to be a lack of clear understanding on the proper way to ask a woman out. So instead of idly standing by as this disturbing pattern continues, I’ve decided to share 5 Essential Keys To Asking A Woman Out.

Disclaimer: Your chances of success improve dramatically under the following conditions.

a.) She’s available.

b.) She’s at least mildly interested in you.

c.) You’re presentable (fresh breath, washed faced, brushed hair, ironed clothes … should I continue?)

**If not, then let’s begin…


1. Get To The Point

There’s no bigger turnoff than a man who beats around the bush. If asking her out is your objective, then make that known up front. The more time you waste working up the nerve to ask her out, the more likely it becomes that she’ll say no. So keep it short, sweet, and to the point.

2. Don’t Pass The Buck.

Avoid passing the buck at all costs. A great example of this occurs when a guy says to the woman, “I have a pretty flexible schedule. Just hit me up and let me know when you want to get together.”

Wrong move.

In fact, you’d probably have a better chance convincing me that Jermaine Jackson’s hair is naturally silky, than you would at getting a woman to call you with such a bad approach. It’s your job to take the initiative when scheduling the date. So come equipped with the who, what, when, where and why.

3. Originality Is The Key.

Presenting a unique date idea is critical. The typical dinner and movie suggestions are cool, but do nothing to separate yourself from the rest of the pack. Honestly speaking, the average woman gets asked out by at least 3-4 men on any given day—from the UPS man, to her married coworker, to the guy that sells bootleg DVDs in the parking lot—so understand that she gets her fair share of offers. That’s why it’s important that you think outside of the box, and entice her with a creative date idea.

4. Relax

If you’re nervous when asking her out, she can tell. So practice keeping your cool. If she says yes, then your expression should suggest that you expected that outcome all along. Even if she says no, you should still remain composed.

My suggestion: Watch plenty of Barack Obama footage, since he’s the new spokesperson for all things cool.

5. Make Sure That She Knows It’s A Date.

There’s nothing worse than going out on a “I think it is, but I’m not sure” type of date. This occurs when the man doesn’t make it clear up front why they’re getting together. That makes things uncomfortable at the end of the night when she hi-fives him, and suggests they should become great buddies.

We can’t let that happen to you.

So make your intentions known up front to avoid banishment to the friend zone.

The Fly Conclusion:

For the Men: Now that I’ve given you the essential tips, it’s time to hear from you. What has worked for you in the past when asking a woman out? On the flip side, what were some of the things that failed worse than Beyonce’s attempts at dramatic acting? Let me know.

For the Women: I’d also like to hear from you. Our greatest asset as men attempting to grow in our understanding of the female species is our ability to get constructive feedback from you. With that understanding in mind, how do you like to be approached?

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  • http://www.newsblogrc.com News Blog RC

    Nice post… i think breaking the ice with a girl is the hardest part…..having a sense of humour definitely helps…..

  • http://www.flyguychronicles.com The Fly Guy

    I agree with you. There’s nothing like making a woman laugh.

  • http://reinasong.com REINA

    I’m in complete agreement with #1. Just state your intentions upfront and clearly. I hate feeling like a guy is switching up on me.

    Boo to FG for snitching about #2 & #5. Those are my escape hatches.

  • http://chicknamedvick.blogspot.com chicknamedvick

    I like a man to be direct and to the point about it. I have gone out with a guy whom I thought was just a friend to find out have way through our ‘hang out’ that it’s actually a date. That is terribly uncomfortable.

    I love cool date ideas. Though most find it nerdy and boring but, museum date! lol. bowling, walk around the lake on a nice, arcade, just something other than the classic dinner and a movie.

  • http://facebook.com/PennyTheGameMaster Third_of_August

    Good post, FG.

    I have a question….let’s be realistic here….how many women actually would ACCEPT and be positively receptive to a guy walking up to her and asking her out on a date? From my experience, the direct approach actually doesn’t work that well, even though most women will say that’s what they want. (Another one of those infamous ‘Women say one thing and do another’ moments.)

    These days, it almost seems like a guy HAS to come at a woman sideways (in the sense that ‘direct’ doesn’t work that well) in order to succeed….maybe us straightforward types are ‘too boring’ and don’t have enough ‘game’ or something. SMH

  • GoodGuyGettingGreater

    In regards to #1, im with 3rd of august. I don’t believe many women are inviting to the “get to the point” approach, although most aren’t afraid to tell you that’s exactly what they want. It’s a bit misleading & a problem for me, seeing as how i refuse to beat around the bush @ all, even if it means not being able to make a connection @ all.

    Also, in regards to #3, i think a lot of guys have creativity hang ups when it comes to choosing a dating activity, because for one as miss chicknamedvick stated while i also think a museum date would be a nice date, i believe most would think it nerdy/boring. To me the key is keeping it normal, but at the same time adding a twist. Instead of taking her to a regular movie theatre with the commercial new releases, try taking her to a drive-up (yes they still exist & are seemingly much more romantic) that plays all the classic. If you just make it different, but interesting at the same time I think a real woman would at least appreciate the hard work and thought that you put into it.

  • http://www.from32b.wordpress.com Denisha

    A guy was direct with my but he shared more information about his self too because he knew I’d ask. You can’t just walk you and say, “can I take you out on a date?” Um, hello. What’s your name? Stats? Hobbies? Can we talk a bit first so I don’t feel like I’m going out with a complete stranger although it’s partly true. Knowing something breaks the ice and can form some similarities to talk about.

    I like museums but it’s not for everyone. I love the drive-in idea as well because who doesn’t like classic movies. I just don’t like movies for a 1st date….I wanna get to know you and talk. Yes, the dreaded “t” word.

  • http://facebook.com/PennyTheGameMaster Third_of_August

    @Denisha

    Of course we aren’t just walking up to women we don’t even know and asking them out….I think the whole idea of asking a woman out assumes the premise that the man and the women are, at the bare minimum, aware of each others’ existence.

    And I agree that dinner and a movie is THE ABSOLUTE WORST idea for a first date…..and not that great an idea for even the 300th date. The first date is all about conversation and getting to know one another, two things made extremely difficult by having to either sit in a quiet movie theater or trying to converse with food in your mouth.

    Personally speaking, I don’t ask a woman out until I’ve done my homework….I like to get to know a woman as much as possible before making that move….because as soon as a man asks a woman out on a date, that pretty much implies to the woman that he’s at least somewhat interested in her. Not to mention I’ve gotten to know things about some of those women that saved myself from having to ask a TON of otherwise not-worth-it women out on dates this way. LOL

  • http://www.from32b.wordpress.com Denisha

    @Third_of_August

    I’m sure you aren’t speaking for every man when you said, “Of course we aren’t just walking up to women we don’t even know and asking them out” because the word “we” would indicate there was a meeting held and you all agree to do this same action which I know is not true. I have had guys walk up to me and ask me out without knowing me which is fine as long as we get to know something about each other while standing there before I say “yes”.

    If some men, like you, desire to do their homework first before confirming a date then it’s only respectful that I’m allowed to pull out my notepad and write some things down too. Or, we can just go out and hope for the best lol

  • http://milly-o.blogspot.com/ Milly

    These were some great tips F.G, If a guy used these tactics to ask me out and the chemistry was there, I would definitetly say yes. Its actually when they come at me sideways that I lose interest before its even gained.

    I also agree with some what with Denisha’s comment, its always a good thing to strike up conversation 1st, afterall we do live in a world where most rational women are cautious, so randomnly walking up to a girl and asking her out without strinking up conversation 1st will usually get you a no because that creates an akward moment and honestly she doesnt know if your crazy or a serial killer, so within those first few minutes strike up conversation and depending on how thats goes you should be able to tell whether or not the chemistry is there, and if it is there go for it and ask her out.

  • http://facebook.com/PennyTheGameMaster Third_of_August

    @ Denisha

    Just ‘going out and hoping for the best’ only works sometimes….lol

    I can be in a woman’s vicinity for about 15 minutes getting to know her and decide if she’s worth asking out on a date either at that point or sometime in the near future (or not at all….lol)

  • http://www.from32b.wordpress.com Denisha

    @Third_of_August

    Well, that means this homework session you mentioned earlier need only be about 15 minutes long lol

  • NaturaLly Jay

    FLY GUY,
    everything was on point but i must say I really like # 3 most originality is everthing. How you approach and talk carry yourself with confidence is really everything. Not saying that you should know off the bat that you can get this woman but just that your not afraid of whats about to happen wheither its rejection or its a date at the end.

  • Nina Milanis

    @Third_of_August
    I love your comments.

  • http://www.straitpinkie.com/pinkies-up/pinkies-up-pointless-job-edition/ Pinkies Up!!! Pointless Job Edition

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  • http://facebook.com/PennyTheGameMaster Third_of_August

    Thank you, Nina.

  • http://facebook.com/PennyTheGameMaster Third_of_August

    @ Naturally

    Getting to the point where you don’t care about being rejected is the tough part of dating, particularly for men (as we are naturally the ones that do the majority of the approaching).

    I am STILL working on getting to that level myself. I can say that success does breed confidence, though….A guy that has even moderate success is more likely to be more relaxed and easygoing when approaching woman than a guy that is always getting turned down for whatever reason.

  • NaturaLly Jay

    @ Third,

    I love the comment and it puts alot into perspective.
    And you know Its Been said before that there are plenty of fishes in the sea. Just be patient and you will catch one. I mean i’ve gotten older and wiser and i dont cry over men at all or trip on what their decisions may be. I get over it some faster then others but im done. There are Far to many men in the world for me to loose my mind on this one. and only One will reconize my potiential. And Sometimes you have to think that way. Just learn as you go its a whole part of evolution just adapt.

  • http://undressingher.com undressingHER

    I don’t think I’ve ever asked a woman out in my life. I don’t even date, I meet up, hook up, and leave with 99% of the girls I meet. For the other 1%, it’s not about me taking them out, it’s that I want to go out….and I ask them if they want to go with me. It doesn’t matter or not if they say yes because I’m going regardless, if they say no, I’ll just find another woman to go with.

    I definitely don’t plan, as I don’t clock in, so it is really up to the woman. But I let women know, when I call, that’s when I’m ready. Not 5 hours from now, not Friday, today….as the whole reason I’m calling is because I’m free. I might be in Texas or something by the time the girl is ready……..with another girl.

  • http://avalleyofhearts.blogspot.com Ms T

    I am loving ths blog.

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  • http://facebook.com/PennyTheGameMaster Third_of_August

    @ Naturally

    Yeah…rejection sucks. Take it from me….I know.

    Anyhow…these days, I no longer care about the whole rejection thing. Either someone’s interested in you or they’re not. My new thing these days is simply NOT TELLING a particular woman I’m interested in her, at least not right off jump….I’d rather just kick it with her and let my actions show her how I feel.

    But yet and still……The difficult part has been finding women I can actually approach….lol

  • Juliet

    This is a really great post and I agree 100%. I have just graduated and decided I will start dating now I am back in London as it’s all about meeting people. I have always been into creative guys as even though I went to a very conservative buisness focused university I care more than how much money a guy has. I went on a date this week and the guy made three big mistakes: 1. He called me and then said I should call him when I wanted to go out…and I literally said ‘you must be kidding me’…2. We went to the movies and he wanted to watch a film he wanted because the film I wanted was too ‘girly’ but he did eventually give in..so he set himself up for a fall with that fake macho comment…3. He didn’t make me laugh once!! :( At the end he said ‘I hope I didn’t bore you too much..’ so even though I was nice and chilled he could tell I wasn’t having a ball…I guess it’s because he is 21 though an we are all learning..

    I love this blog btw as you’re trying to incorporate the needs of both men and women!