I know you directed your question at FG, but I’ll take a shot at it….(In case nobody noticed, I am quite long-winded when it comes to relationships…LOL)

The best way to ‘meet your security needs’, as you put it, without coming across as a gold digger is to simply learn how to like men for more than their wallets. Once you get to that point, it won’t matter how much money he’s making…..as long as you’re not dating a total broke-ass and you’re taking care of yourself, I don’t think you should have to worry about much after that.

And I also think a lot of women are struggling with finding good men because y’all watched too much Oprah (how can you take man advice from someone who’s basically never had one?) and WAAAAAAY too much BET and now y’all have set the bar so ridiculously high that a lot of otherwise ‘good’ Brothas simply can’t stack up. Some of y’all ladies really want Superman, and y’all ain’t nowhere close to being Lois Lane yourselves. (Not that Superman actually exists.)

s.diddy & Third_of_August unfortunately are on the money Too many times we women say one thing and act another when looking for a man or dating. I am still trying to change that. Some days I win (like when I am dating a guy purely on his heart – yeah right!LOl – oh and did I mention that he has a big a$$ house? LMAO) and on others I don’t. But seriously – I am not dating simply because I keep doing that – being an unconscious gold-digger. Maybe a strong word, but the attitude is similar. And that right there is what we (women) need to change & stop saying “there are no good black men”.

But to digress a bit FG – how do I meet the need for security in my relationship without wanting a guy who has lotsa money, a degree and a good car? Because honestly, its kinda hard to love someone who cannot have my back when things get rough. Mind you – I can guarantee I have his back

“The thing that black men have thing that they could get any woman they want.”

“This is about balck men they either gay,in jail,or married.”

With all due respect….

If THOSE weren’t THE D-1 most RIDICULOUS two statements I could ever hear a Black woman say….and back-to-back, no less…..

First off….what is that one thing all men have that can get them any woman they want? If your answer begins with the letter ‘D’ and rhymes with ‘stick’, then that is a SERIOUS PROBLEM! We as a people have GOT to think better than that! The fact that you potentially think that a man is good as long as he’s got the male appendage is something I’d expect to hear the average GUY my age say. Hell, I’ve got one of those, and trust me when I say, women are NOT chomping at the bit to get with me just because of that!

And as far as all Black men being gay, in jail, or married…..Well….I think about 8-15 percent (tops!) of Black men are in jail. That leaves a STRONG NINETY PERCENT or so NOT IN JAIL.

And as far as Black men getting married….? Don’t we see and hear every day about how Black people AREN’T married? Let me go grab a statistic, so I can be factual here….According to the Census Bureau in 2004…..30.1 percent of Black men are currently married. That leaves a STRONG SEVENTY PERCENT or so of Black men that aren’t married….

And as far as the homos go…..that is something women need to learn how to sniff out on their own since there are so many out there that like to be secretive about it and what not. I still wonder how some gay dudes get more play from straight women (most of whom will lament about how ‘all Black men are gay’ not much unlike you just did) than us straight guys do.

Not really sure if i’m allowed to do this but here’s a link to a young woman that addressed the same thing in her v-blog the other day
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CY0ptwrR_zI

Thanks for your comments…..I wish we as a people would quit making dating and relationships so complicated with all our personal hangups we have about everything. I’m done criticizing women and the bad choices in men some of them make. If you play in garbage, don’t get mad when you come out smelling like trash.

@All

And there is no problem with a woman approaching a man, AS LONG AS IT’S DONE RESPECTFULLY AND TASTEFULLY…..ESPECIALLY in the case of the two ladies that sent this letter in….If they aren’t meeting quality men, maybe it’s time they got proactive and started putting themselves in situations where they can meet quality men…and it probably ain’t popping off at the club, the bar, the mall, or at the McDonald’s across the street from campus on Friday nights, either. (Sorry, that was me going back to my Howard days…LOL)

If you don’t like what you’re getting in life, you gotta do something to change it.

Any mature man won’t be intimidated by a woman approaching him. (Unless you’re coming at him with that infamous Destiny’s Child ‘I’m independent and I can pay my own bills’ bull-dookie….LOL)

Hell, I personally would appreciate it every once in a while. I can’t speak for other men, but I know I like to feel what it’s like to have a woman interested in me without having to don the gasoline draws and jump through the hoops-o-fire every time I approach one of y’all.

I have said my peace

Besides, if I was a millionaire back when I was in college…why the heck would I be in college?

And I agree with S. Diddy on this whole ‘where are the good black men’ stuff a lot of Black women ask on a daily basis. Before joining the military, I, too, was a college student, and let me tell you…..what women SAY they want and what women ACTUALLY GO AFTER are TWO DIFFERENT THINGS.

Sure, most women say they want a good man, but they often go after the ‘finest’ Brotha with the flyest car and the freshest clothes and then HOPE they are getting a man that also knows how to treat women and a man that knows what being a man is all about at the same time INSTEAD of getting to know a man for his personality first. But I guess that’s too difficult for some people to do….not everyone is willing to take a chance on a truly good man just because he doesn’t start for the football team or because he’s not the most popular guy on campus.

Once we move past these high school games some people like to play, maybe things will start looking up for relationships in general.

As long as I’m alive and single, the statement “There aren’t any good Black men out there” is FALSE. Point blank.