She Said Another Man’s Name
Jul 13th, 2009 | Author: The Fly Guy | Category: Fly Letters
Comments (16)
Fly Guy,
I need your advice on something. I was in the bed with my girl the other night, and I swear she said another man’s name in her sleep. I tried to tell myself that I was just tripping, but she did it again last night. I’m not sure if I should confront her about it, but I need to do something before I lose it. I just want to know once and for all if she’s cheating on me. Do you think she is?
Jamal
What’s Up Jamal,
In the words of the great Negro rights activist Florida Evans, “Damn, Damn, Damn James.” Having your woman say another man’s name while sleeping is unfortunate to say the least … but if properly addressed, it’s something that can definitely be overcome. Here’s my take.
You asked if she was cheating. In all honestly, there’s no way to know for sure. What I do know is that on some level, she’s emotionally invested in another man. Now it could be completely innocent, but that connection has definitely seeped into her subconscious.
Before you assume the worst, I would first tell her what you heard, and ask for an explanation. Once you hear her out, it’s up to that little voice in your head to decipher between what’s real and what’s not. At the end of the day, I’d prefer you trust your instincts over becoming a super sleuth to catch her in the act. That type of behavior has no place in a healthy relationship.
So breathe, and approach this with a clear head. You’ll need to be calm, and rational to deal with this appropriately. Keep me posted on the outcome.
The Fly Guy
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Jamal… you better wake up and open your eyes. Don’t let good azz have you fooled. She called another man’s name… and not yours. That tells you that YOU are not the one on her mind or hitting it right.
I say let her go!
There’s not much to think about here.
Relationship over.
Point blank.
I wouldn’t even bother with the details as far as asking her whose name she’s saying and such. Just break it off and keep it moving.
I agree with FG on this one. I don’t think it’s necessarily over. I’ve called my woman one of my female coworkers before. I had never done anything with her, but I guess something in me had that girl on the brain. So you never know. Jamal might need to step up to the plate and catch it before she goes over to the darkside.
What part of “in her sleep” do the other commenters not understand? She has no control over her dreams. This isn’t in any way indicative of cheating or any wrongdoing at all. Sheesh.
Wow, lots of hypocrisy here! Men, you fantasize about fucking other women ALL THE TIME while being intimate with your partner – which, considering you do this consciously, is way worse. What you do, you do on purpose, with intent – unlike this woman, who ACCIDENTALLY said something IN HER SLEEP. Time to get off your high horses, gents – after all, turnabout is fair play ;)
Listen to the Fly Guy on this one…don’t allow negative comments others may post to influence your decision. Always approach situations with a clear head…once you start feeding into the negativity all rational thoughts disappear.
I’ve talked in my sleep many of times. Guys in the past have always asked me what the hell I was dreaming about cuz sometimes they’d wake up thinking I was talking to them. Talking in your sleep isn’t always sparked by some deep, Meaningful shit that a lot of people would think you’re invested in. Half the time I don’t remember what my dreams are in the morning. If she said another mans name, it DOES NOT mean she’s automatically hiding a secret lover. For all you know the name could be off a late night show she stays watching, a family member, friend, it could even be a girl with a guy sounding name for all u know (ie. Bobby, Alex…). Often times I’ll dream of somebody but they’ll be named differently in my dream. Dreams are not always accurate ways of telling you what’s going on in a relationship ESPECIALLY if all you’re basing her faithfulness off of her saying a name in her sleep. I would suggest you talk to her just to give yourself peace of mind, and as FG suggeste decipher between what’s real and what’s not.
I agree with fly guy. Ask questions first…don’t be so quick to cut it off.
@ All
The fact that she might have some other dude on her mind is suspect enough for me.
And I’m I’m not a hypocrite by any means. I’ve never cheated on any woman I was involved with. I don’t fantasize about women….Window shopping is not my thing. I’m that rare breed of man that is actually faithful to exactly one woman at a time….so if I feel like I’m not getting the same in return from her….we have issues.
And besides….this is his GIRL he’s wondering about….not his WIFE.
Much easier to just let this one go and focus his energy on finding a woman that can say HIS name in her sleep. lol
I talk in my sleep…ever since I was a kid. I did say another guy’s name in my sleep once. My then bf was furious – said I had to be cheating but I wasn’t. I happen to say the name of a coworker – who happened to be a pain in the @ss. But then bf swore up and down that I cheated.
So ask her up front if she is cheating – if she say no, then believe her and let it be.
Dont be ridiculous folks. Take it from someone who has been talking and walking in his sleep for 34 yrs or more. Much of what you say has nothing to do with whats going on or what you want to go on in your life. Asking someone about a name spoken outloud is a waste of time. Even if you woke me as soon as i spoke the name (it has happened) the dream and the memory of the dream goes away immediatly so i can’t help you on a name. You ever dream about someone you never met in your life but in the dream he or she has a name? Case closed. Don’t nag somebody about subconcious imaginations. Act your age and stop being so insecure.
dang ya’ll…… we don’t even know who this other man is! it could be her dad… uncle… brother! heck, she could have been dreaming about a future son or something. you never ASSUME anything because you can end up making an ASS out of yourself (sounds like where you might be headed).. AND if you do ask her.. she might not know what the heck you’re talking about… how many of your dreams do you remember when you wake up?? Get some self-esteem and leave that mess alone!
and if you think she’s cheating, this CAN’T be the only thing to make you suspect that.. there has to be more to the situation… address that before asking about some imaginary man you think she’s consumed with.
Hmmm, interesting! I wish we could hear what Jamal thinks..Like a few of the people who have commented – I speak, sometimes move & even scream and sing in my dreams. Not cool I know, but I don’t have much control over it. Sometimes I don’t even speak coherently – so it comes out as gibberish!lol. I NEVER have any recollection or memory of sorts after – ever! But I accept it, its just one of those things some dude will either love me enough to understand that it happens or he wont. End of subject! :)
Hi , thanks for works..