Comments on: Is Narcissism Keeping You Single? (Guest Feature)

By: xenonmnm

xenonmnm — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 08:47:51 +0000

I soooo am in ‘amia’s’ corner, lol! Written eloquently. We need to love someone regardless of potential, because thats where the problems stems from. Thinking you’ll be set in a few years when his/her job steps up a notch. Or getting the coveted Saab convertible when s/he makes Partner in 3yrs. We gotta love them unconditionally from ‘get go’ – and boy is that hard!

For me the killer is not putting myself first. My mom did that – put others first. Her partner her kids, siblings and it had its side effects. Don’t get me wrong, what she did was AWESOME but when doing that she planted her hopes in those people. And when some member of the family is not making it like she hoped & sacrificed for – we hear – how she gave up everything for us, so we could be better people & instead what have we done?? Wasted her time & energy & she is disappointed that her efforts were not fruitful.

Its all so grey isn’t it? Thank God for The Word, I just hand it over to God when it scrambles my brain.

By: amia

amia — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 20:49:03 +0000

wow..this is a good one. 1st I want to comment on the “seeing the potential” topic. I have a huge hang up on that.. because all potential is is just that.. potential. Every single one of us has the potential to do anything…but if a person chooses not to push themselves to accomplish goals to become more, then what good is that potential? If you date someone, you should be willing to accept them and love them even if they never accomplished another thing.. love them for where they are, not where they COULD be or who they COULD become, and when or IF they use their potential to grow, GREAT, thats more to love.
Regarding this generation as being narcissistic; I would agree 100%, BUT is there anythihng wrong with that? The truth is if you don’t put yourself first in this “game” called life, you will get left in the dust.. of course it is necessary to enjoy the ride as you live it, but you have to put YOU first until you commit to a marriage which is when you and your mate become a team to tackle the world together.

By: areyouagoodcatch

areyouagoodcatch — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 16:38:52 +0000

My husband and I were having a conversation the other day about this. People have forgotten that relationships take the effort of both persons involved. I consider myself a very independent woman, but that does stop me from working WITH my husband to build the successful relationship that we have. I

If you are all about doing you, then do that. If you are look to do you and build a relationship at the same time, then there has to be a balance. Everyone has a part to play in a relationship. No one said it has to be the stereo typical role, but you need to figure out your prospective roles.

I fear that the twentysomethings will not figure it out when they get older, because it is typical to see mostly women in their 40s and 50s that still haven’t. They are hung-up on the standers of twentysomethings. How often do you see women that you think should be beyond that still competing with the twentysomethings? There is nothing wrong with enjoying life at any age, but being confident does mean that you are better than others or too good for anyone. It just means that you are comfortable in your own skin. There is a very thin line between confidence and arrogance.

By: Nicki=Maxwell Fan

Nicki=Maxwell Fan — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 02:11:11 +0000

I somewhat agree with this article……………………………………………

By: Third_of_August

Third_of_August — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 21:50:57 +0000

@ FG

Excellent concept. If only I could actually see it being applied in real life. LOL

It seems like nobody is willing to work together to build any kind of relationship from the ground up these days….I swear it feels like I have to already be a millionaire with all my ducks in line to even have a shot at meeting decent women these days.

By: Denisha

Denisha — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 19:22:23 +0000

I agree with seeing the potential as well. As long as he is marketable and a go-getter then I can make things work. I was told to view marriage as a buiness merger. You don’t take on troubled assets and you dang sure don’t allow your own stock to drop in the meantime.

I was married and found that compromise was eventually our demise. One partner was willing to compromise while another was not. Dating now is superficial at times because everyone is in a rat race to get somewhere close to Bill Gates never thinking about life while on that journey.

I’d say it’s good to be about loving you, getting what you deserve or is worth but apply some humility and realism in there somewhere. This is life not a movie. As a lot of status’ say on Facebook…its complicated lol

By: Mapping the City

Mapping the City — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 18:43:21 +0000

Agree!

By: lischonurmind

lischonurmind — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 18:02:25 +0000

I agree with The_Pretty_Truth. You need to see the potential in someone and work together to build a life together. I think that is the only way it will really last. You both have to be apart of the process

By: The_Pretty_Truth

The_Pretty_Truth — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 17:13:48 +0000

I could go on and on and on. But what I will say is this…my elders saw the potential in their mate and worked with them and they built a life TOGETHER. It seems now-a-days if a person is not “ready made” they are not an ideal candidate.

By: rhneed

rhneed — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 17:06:28 +0000

I totally agree with this article. After the baby boomer generation women began to seek something more than just the husband and kids. Divorce rates went up and the marriage age increased because women were trying to in a sense “find themselves.” Women became more career oriented and somehow the idea of husband and kids didn not fit into that lifestyle. In todays generation it seems that if you do not come to the table with at least two degrees or a stable well paying job then you don’t fit the bill. To me it is all about self gratification and the whole what have you done for me lately attitude that our generation is so stuck on. It seems as if we can not be happy without a mate that does not have it all regardless of how happy they make you feel.