Do Women Need To Step Their Game Up?
Jul 22nd, 2009 | Author: The Fly Guy | Category: Fly Perspectives
Comments (18)
I had an interesting conversation with one of my boys yesterday. But instead of translating his sentiments, I figured I’d just give you the unfiltered version of what he said.
“Women get on my nerves. They’re always out here trying to say there aren’t enough good men out here. Then they want to turn around and tell me how much of a good woman they are, and how they need to figure out where the good men are at. I’m tired of hearing this. There are plenty of good men out here. The problem is these women have fooled themselves into believing they are good women … they aren’t. If they really were a good woman, they would have been scooped up by now. That’s just the bottom line. There aren’t as many good women out here as they would have you believe.”
So what are your thoughts? Is there really a lack of good men, or do women need to step up their game and be better women? Vote below, and then make your voice heard.
I can already tell this is going to get heated …
Speaking of good women, this has always been one of my favorite.
(2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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I may catch hell for saying this…but I AGREE with you boy! I just had this conversation with a friend yesterday. It takes a lot to be honest with ourselves and I personally had to check myself on all of the “there are no good men” rants. Once I figured out my own insecurities, laid out a real plan for my own life (and put the plan into action) I found myself surrounded by good men! We attract what we put out and if you find yourself attracting garbage all the time then it may be time for a long (painful LOL) look in the mirror. I am finally in a healthy relationship with a wonderful man, and can honestly say that if I hadn’t got my ish together first – our relationship would not work. It’s so hard to really sit down and lay out all of the personal issues, but once you do and you find out the origin of your issues it’s easy to make the necessary changes.
I wish I could put this in bigger letters. I would say that 90% of the women who do all of that yappng aren’t good women … period. Glad your boy had the balls to say what I was thinking.
I agree with Ms. Lesley and your friend minus the part about there not being as many good women as believed. He also should realize that that same mirror applies to men who also delude themselves into believe they qualify as a “good man.”
Having standards are great, but if you keep catching duds, you obviously need to refine what you’re looking for (or try some new bait). Date outside of your perfect male archetype. Stop lingering in grey areas. Open your mouth. Be unafraid to demand more. Recognize that you’re deserving of it. BE deserving of it. And if he won’t provide it to you, then step. WALK AWAY. Better men exist. This, I guarantee.
However…
If you just CANNOT find a good man, then, it’s 99.9% probable that you’re just not a good woman. (And vice versa.)
I agree with ya boy!!! There are soooo many women out here with low self esteem its sad! They think there are no good men out there but the reality is they are no good. I see so many women out here with good jobs, good credit, nice cars but they keep dealing with ain’t shit niggas!!!! They stay with them because that what they were taught growing up. if you were raised in a household and your momma put up with a lot of shit from a no good man then chances are you will do the same. good men are out there they are hard to find but they are there. if these women would stop listening to their female friends who have fucked up relationships and and listen to their hearts they will be alot better off.
I agree 100%, women need to step out side themselves and take a look at what the men are seeing. A lot of women have self-esteem issues and don’t even realize it. No wonder men think we are all crazy. It’s sad, but I think it’s a cycle that needs to be broken. Mothers need to do a better job figuring out their own issues, so they can teach their daughters to be better women.
One person’s definition of a “good” man may be completely different from the next person. If you continue to get the “wrong man” then you need to ask yourself “what kind of vibe am I giving off to attract the wrong men”?!? There are Good Men out there so maybe we as ladies do need to “step our game up” to attract the Right one.
I’m not one to say that “there are no good men” out here. There are. Tried and true… I disagree with his statement that if “they were a good woman, they’d be scooped up by now.” I would hope he’s directing this towards the women who complain that this world is now void of “good” men. I’m single and happy. Living life. Approached by so-called good men everyday… And I do consider myself to be a good woman. The time for me will come when I am ready to open up. So I agree with Ms. lesley when she says that you attract what you put out. Put yourself in the right atmosphere. Switch it up some. Who’s to define a “good” woman anyway? Is she the one you consider to be the wifey type, but cheats on you without your knowledge of it? Or is she the “good” woman that the Bible talks about? Clarity please…
What is the definition of a good man or women… We each have our own definition and its based on what we require/ need/have tolerance for…. in a relationship……In order to figure out whats a good man or woman one should know what qualities they require…. For me I have problem with men that smokes.. If I meet someone that indulges in this type of behavior to me thats not a good man… because he is not taking care of hisself so he can live a long life…why should I hook up with him or give him the time of day….His life span could be shortened because of this, and all sorts of health issues may crop up later on down the right…. Where on the other hand some women dont see this problem as an issue…..so good or bad is dependent on what the individual person want or need..
I agree with Nina Milanis. I think your friend just has it twisted a little. There are women who can’t find good men, that is a fact. Sometimes, there are other factors that determine why they are single, such as kids, or bad credit…which does not subtract from a woman’s ability of being whatever definition of good. Then there are good men who are likewise single. Not having a mate does not make you less of quality. Nor does complaining. It’s difficult experimenting with the dating world. It’s so easy to dig on the surface and find crap. To repeatedly do that as many do is frustrating and may even lead to complaining. Maybe the individual should be real with themselves and figure out what it is their looking for and be honest about that. If it’s a dog that they are looking for, then don’t be upset when u can’t tame him/her.with that said, both should step their game up!
For the most part I agree however, it’s goes back to what others have stated…what do you define as good? Everyone has different criterias on what they consider good..with that being said we as women, especially black women, knows what it’s like to be educated and “doing it for ourselves” and to find black man on the same level,it’s hard (that’s without the drama). Our men need to stop using these rappers, sport figures, etc as role models and go back to what family and communities responsibilities are. We as women need to allow men to be men and stop taking om their roles and feel like we are men ourselves. If a woman or man feels they are good quality there is no need to complain, there’s a person out there for you, just give it time.
It’s time for us to STOP LOOKING for a good man/woman and BE READY for that good one when they come along.
So maybe we(men & women) should get our *ish together then and only then will we find the ONE for us.
I dont agree with what ole boy is saying at all. He is basically doing reverse racism. He’s doing exactly what he’s complaining about. Placing all women in a particular category because of the type of women thus far he has encountered; which is the wrong thing to do. Again, what is he bringing to the table? Its not about one side people, its a relationship. There has to be give and take from both parties who WANT a strong, healthy union.
@S. Didddy,
I totally missed that but you are absolutely right! He is doing exactly what he is saying the women he is dealing with are doing. Is it just safe to say birds of a feather flock together and for the sake of FGC, men and women both need to step their game up? I think so…
I will try not to draw this out. I’ve heard what everyone had to say and I think most people try to read to deeply into this subject. I have to disagree with what your homey said. Their is an abundance of good women, however at the same time there are alot of good men too. I think the way some women determine wheter a man is good or not is often flawwed. Truthfully most men are going to f up. We are sexual predators (if you will) and we make mistakes. So ladies try this, instead of judging wheter a man is good or not by his mistakes, try judging wheter he’s a good man based off what he learns from his mistakes. Now don’t get me wrong am I saying if a guy cheats on you( or whatever the case may be) after only being with him a month should try to work things. No way,
But honestly ladies you know wheter a man is worth the trouble within the first month or two of being with him. So to wrap it up, ladies if you know that you have a brotha that is trying to be good to you try to work with him PLEASE( but not at the expense of your own happiness). Just something to think about.
Agree. I was reading too deeply. S. Diddy, you’re right. He is doing the exact same thing.
We as people need to work on ourselves. It goes both ways. Women and men aren’t good or bad, it could just be that these people work for someone, just not for you. I agree that women need to work on themselves. Like any situation in life we have to look in the mirror to fix any problem. A lot of men need to work on themselves as well. Its an individual thing not a male or female thing.
I guess I can agree with what S.D. was saying. The whole reverse racism thing threw me for a minute. What I think my man was saying is that he’s just tired of that saying. Men are trying to be better but first we have to get opportunity. Women can no longer complain about there being no good men. What are you bringing to the table to make this work? Men are simple. If you tell us what you want that’s what we’ll give you. If you start out letting us treat you bad then that’s what we’re going to continue to do. Demand respect from the start and if you can’t get it move on. Also be reasonable in your expectations. By no means settle for BS though.