Did I Mean Anything To Him?

Jul 25th, 2009 | Author: | Category: Fly Letters
Comments (7)

Hi Fly Guy,

I need some insight. I’m just coming out of a 2 ½ year relationship with my high school sweetheart. I broke up with him at the beginning of my sophomore year after a summer of living together. I felt like I needed to focus more on my studies and experience college as a single woman. He wasn’t happy about my decision, but he understood and accepted it.

We were only an hour away from each other so we still kept in contact. In the back of my mind, I had every intention of getting back with him. And he had the same intention (his words not mine). But around winter break things started to go downhill. I caught him in so many lies it was ridiculous—he was pathological even.

I eventually realized I couldn’t take the drama anymore (mainly the lies) and cut all ties with him. It’s been six months since I’ve seen or spoken to him, and I just recently found out that he has a special person in his life. Not sure if she’s his girlfriend, but she’s special.

I know this because they’re already dropping the L word. He talks to her like he used to talk to me. And he does with her all the things he used to do with me. I don’t know how long they’ve been together, but it couldn’t have been long—unless he cheated on me, which wouldn’t be a surprise. I just wanted to know, did I ever mean anything to him?

Maybe I’m a bit naïve, but this is how I feel. He was my first love, my first everything. I not only lost a boyfriend, but I lost a great friend. Of course, I expected him to move on but not right into another serious relationship.

I feel like I was just a girl at that particular time in his life. And all the lies just made me feel like everything was fake in our relationship. So did I mean anything to him? Please forgive me if I seem a little young minded and clueless, but shit, I am! This is my first heartache. Help a sista out!

Dazed and Confused

Dear Dazed and Confused,

I see you had a lot to get off your chest. Now that you’ve laid out the back story, my main advice to you is focus on the entire scope of your relationship. You laid out several reasons that detailed why you no longer wanted to be with him. But as soon as you saw him with another woman, all you could think about were the positives. In all likelihood, his new love interest is experiencing the same things that made you walk away. Certain flaws—like lying—don’t correct themselves overnight.

Look; it’s human nature to reflect on a past love after discovering they’ve moved on—especially if they do it before you. I can remember finding out that an ex had a new boyfriend shortly after we broke up, and it had me messed up for weeks. I’m sure I asked myself every single question that you’re currently asking yourself. In the end, I had to remind myself that we broke up for a reason, and that I was better off without that added stress in my life. Now it’s time for you to do the same.

The Fly Guy

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  • onenmilgirl

    That’s so true, some people come into your life for a season while others come for a lifetime. Consider it a blessing in disguise, looks can be deceiving and like fly guy said some flaws don’t erase overnight. Focus your attention on your newfound freedom and enjoy yourself!

  • http://facebook.com/PennyTheGameMaster Third_of_August

    If YOU broke up with HIM…..why would you expect him to think highly of you later on down the line?

    I know I’ve NEVER had much positive to say or think about ANY woman that ever broke up with or otherwise wasn’t interested in me.

    I’d focus on moving on.

  • xenon

    Miss D & C

    I hate to piss on your parade & youre probably looking for something to make you feel better – but I believe in telling the truth.

    Its obviously hurting that he has moved on and you have a lot of questions, but you also need to examine your behaviour towards him.

    If youre not sure about a relationship or what you want, you have to think things through before you make decisions. I know someone might say ‘I am not in your situation’ blah blah blah, but I have been there and I know that mistake. Telling him you want to experience uni (thats what we call it here) life as a single chick when you hadn’t even tried it in the first place aint exactly ‘very good’. Lol. Im trying to be polite here. Next time, try going through college with the dude and then if it doesn’t work out – try it solo. But then again some of these things you never know until its too late. So heish..

    On another note, what you feel is very valid. You’re hurt and he appears to have moved on very quickly! I say, stay fly and keep your head up in those studies. Thank God that hearts do heal and that one day you will look back and understand everything without the pain.

  • anonymous coward

    I’d say most likely, yes, you did mean something to him. I for one look back on all past relationships and still think back and wish i could get back with my old girlfriends and do things better — and thats more than one of them. And thats something that never really does leave us. It sits in our minds forever. You meant a lot to him….i guarantee it.

  • jackal

    This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Does no one take responsibility for their own actions, anymore?

    Dear females, please understand this: when you break up with a guy because you want to “have some experience being single,” guys will not interpret this as “I still love you and am passive-aggressively testing you by telling you to leave me alone.” We will interpret it instead as the far more rational; “I no longer want to be in a relationship with you.” If you say you want to be single but possibly get back together, that’s even worse. That’s saying “I want to explore all my other options, but I want to keep you tucked away as a Plan B in case I can’t find anything better and have to settle, so don’t you explore your other options until I say it’s okay.” If a man asked this of a woman, it would be considered morally offensive. So why would it ever be okay the other way round?

    This guy moved on because he was told to. You know, when he got broken up with. If anything, moving on so quickly is probably a sign that he did really love you, and you broke his heart by…you know…breaking up with him? Is this point not clear?

  • https://www.triond.com/users/Stephen+J.+Ardent Steven J.Ardent

    A classic case of wanting to eat your cake and have it too. She dumped him so she could feel free to do as she pleased, thinking that after she had her fun she would return to him, probably because he was a catch, stable, but boring, marriage material. It would certainly be clear to me as a guy if a woman was doing this to me. Looks like the guy did pretty much what any guy would do – treat anything he says to her with the same lack of commitment that she showed in her relationship with him. From the male perspective she treated him dishonestly, like a toy one puts on the shelf for later. She got treated dishonestly in return.

  • Jonathan

    Just my opinion, but this relationship looks dysfunctional from the get-go. The fact that Dazed and Confused feels like her boyfriend would suffocate her academic pursuits or her individuality means that she should have just severed the relationship. However, she wanted to continue it, and made a power play to set the relationship on her terms alone: when it begins, when it ends, who is more important, and who chooses whom. When her ex didn’t play to the rules that she set, she felt cheated. I’d be surprised if this relationship allowed either partner to grow together or as individuals, so it’s probably for the best for both of them that it didn’t work out.