The 9 Step Guide For Handling A Cheater
Jul 13th, 2009 | Author: The Fly Guy | Category: Featured, The Chronicles
Comments (175)
Can I ask you a personal question? Don’t worry, your answer will be kept between you, me, and whoever else decides to read this:
Have you ever been cheated on before?
Well judging from the letters and emails that I receive daily, it sure seems that way. And while the large majority of our correspondence focuses on ways to detect infidelity, dealing with an unfaithful lover encompasses more than just being able to detect the signs of a cheater. So with that being said, let’s unveil my Nine Step Guide For Handling a Cheater.
Step 1: Check your source.
Before you begin making wild accusations, ask yourself this: Where are your suspicions coming from? Did they originate from your Grandma Ola Mae’s dream book? (“Baby, I dreamed about peas and creamed corn last night, so that must mean Bobby is cheating on you.”) If that’s your only source, then try to find more reliable information.
Step 2: Make sure it’s not you.
Could it be that your mind is playing tricks on you? If you have a history of being an overly jealous lover, then make sure you are not prematurely jumping to conclusions.
(Listen, everyone knows about the incident at church when you accused your girlfriend of being unfaithful shortly after she took communion. From what I hear, you claimed she disrespected you by eating the body and drinking the blood of another man. So sad.)
Step 3: Something’s Fishy.
You have this nauseating feeling resting at the pit of your stomach. Every bone in your body can sense the air of uncertainty surrounding your relationship. When it gets this bad, trust your instincts and find the underlying cause of your feelings.
Step 4: Seeing is believing.
It’s one thing to have a sneaking suspicion. It’s an entirely different ballgame when you actually catch your lover knee-deep in someone else. Now is the time for some decisive action.
Step 5: Take safety precautions.
If the infidelity is certain, then you have to begin thinking about your physical and mental health. In both of those areas, it’s medically unsafe to be involved with someone who’s being sexually irresponsible. After all, who wants to be stressed out while simultaneously running the risk of contracting some new strain of Sexual Ebola?
Step 6: Step out of the situation.
If you can’t give yourself unbiased advice, then step out of the situation. Think about what you told your girl Patrice when she found out about Andre’s secret love affair. In the end, you may find it easier to approach your situation by picturing someone else in it.
Step 7: Talk it out.
You have to approach your fears, and confront your significant other with the cold hard facts. Discuss your feelings, and let them know that you haven’t been this hurt since they abruptly replaced Aunt Viv on the “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.”
Step 8: Open your ears.
Simply put, you need to listen. That’s the key to step 8. Hear them out, and get their side of the story—even if you know that they are full of it.
Step 9: Decision time.
This step separates the men from the boys and the women from Rosie O’Donnell. You have to inform them of your intentions. Will you stay? Will you go? This is the time to make that known. Once that decision is made, there’s no turning back.
Any questions?
To speak directly to the Fly Guy with any questions, email him at flyguychronicles@gmail.com
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Whew, this is a really touchy subject. Personally, I’m more of the “you eff w/ me, I owes you NOTHING, not even the chance to lie about what I caught you doing.” Plus, if you’re the one catching the other person, chances are you are more attached to the relationship. This would make you more susceptible to the head games cheaters try to play to displace blame, avoid the cosequences, et al. (and XY coalition, I want you to specifically notice that I made these statements gender neutral, so no b*tchin’ about how I’m slamming men for being trifling or the only ones that cheat).
Good morning J Thought
I’m good with Steps 1-6 & 9. I don’t give into insecurity much, and I trust my instincts greatly. If I suspect you’re cheating, I’m not going to ask you. Why? You’ll just lie & make adjustments to your behaviour. I’ll just pay more attention and step outside the situation as it was suggested. Lies come too easily to the tongue, and when you’re hurt, you’ll believe anything to erase the pain. I rather just throw up the deuce and plot his demise.
And I’m still upset about Aunt Viv.
@ blaze:
Top of the morning to you!
Reina not the deuces
@ Reina:
I’m upset about Aunt Viv. And replacing the oldest daughter on Damon Wayans last sitcom. Both times a beautiful dark skinned black woman was replaced with a less “black” looking replacement. I know it’s not that serious in the big scheme of things, but it bothers me when the only acceptable image of black beauty is that which most closely approximates whiteness.
And I agree with how you would handle the cheating situation. I don’t know about plotting a demise though. I have a temper, and go for the jugular, so if I’d get vengence, I’d likely end up behind bars. And I’m too cute to go to jail. I’d rather just get a rebound dude to get me thru the rough patch and never let that fool who cheated know that I ever cared about him.
“You eff w/me, I owes you NOTHING…” That’s funny, I love it! I’m in a siuation now that this kat wants to come back to me (6 years later), do I really want more of the lies, the bulls$it, infidelity, babymamas, bastard children? Real talk, I still love him, but I don’t need that in my life. We all get cheated on at one point in time. It’s one of those life lessons, I say keep it moving.
@ Blaze
Yes, the deuces. If I was from Corleone family, I’d leave the head from the girl he cheated with in his bed.
@ JustA
Yeah, I stopped watching The Wayans after that, and I liked the show. I don’t think the color issue was the same with Fresh Prince. Didn’t she want to stay home with the baby? I don’t know.
As for his demise, the threat of jail should deter me, but I hate being lied to. Having him think he got away with it makes me lose sleep. The loss of me is a severe punishment. I just can’t swallow the lies. Sighs. I’m working on my temper.
@Warrior
Do you think people can change and grow after 6 years? Maybe he missed you, learned from his mistakes and has become a better man.
@Reina & J Thought
You two came out this morning swinging early…
@ Warrior Princess:
Ha! I had to learn the hard way about being cheated on, and haveing to “keep it moving.” I carried a torch for someone for a long time, but I had to learn that love often is not reciprocated, and that it’s a treasure best suited for someone who wants and deserves it.
@ Reina:
The first Aunt Viv was forced out, I think.
I hate being lied to as well, but I’ve learned that you can’t really ever get that person back. As much as it PAINS me to just walk away, I think that that best accomplishes what I’m trying to convey – that the worst thing that could have happened to him was losing me.
And I’ve found that taping picture of the offender to a punching bag at the gym helps to quell murderous tendencies.
Being cheated on is a hard thing to deal with but what some people (women especially) do is punish the next guy for the last guy’s mess up..
@ blaze:
Did you not read “the infidelity, baby mamas…” Maybe she could forgive cheating, but dude has multiple baby mamas and children. That’s a lot of baggage for anyone to swallow.
And it is a touchy subject, so I expect this post to blow up
J Thought
lol…So I giess you’re just speaking on everyones behalf today huh?
@JAT
Oh my gosh get out of my mind lmao.
Good morning all!
I am the consummate Big-sis-knows best… LOL
@ Blaze/JustA
It must be that Latina part of me that refuses to just let it go. I always feel better once he’s hurting, too.
@reina
I am the same way at times. You want that person to hurt like they have hurt you.
@JAT
Hmmmm place the pic on a punching bag, brilliant!
Reina
I feel you. I think the worst is having suspicions but not having actual concrete evidence to proove that your SO has been cheating. Women are more subtle when they cheat than men…we get sloppy with it.
@ Blaze
Maybe it is our subtlety or it’s just the fact that men refuse to believe a woman would creep on him. Men have trouble doubting their irresistibility.
@ Nisha
It’s my ego. It’s not the act of cheating, just that you cheated on ME. You lied to ME. Such audacity cannot be allowed to slide without my reinforcing my greatness by all means necessary. He will rue the day.
@ Reina:
Girl, trust and believe I have a serious temper and have (I’m embarassed to admit) done things to make a SO suffer at the end of the relationship. But, after all was said and done, I still loved him, it still hurt, he still didn’t want me, and nothing was going to change that. His discomfort was not even close to the level of mine because I wanted his heart to hurt, and harassing him wasn’t going to accomplish that.
@ Nisha:
It works wonders! Just be prepared for a few funny looks from dudes at the gym, and at least one a-hole to say something like “dang girl, it couldn’t have been that bad.” I found a curt “eff off” gets rid of them quickly.
LOL and Reina’s ‘he will rue the day’ Cosign.
@ Blaze do you think that I should give him a chance to show me that he’s changed? I mean I honestly don’t feel like I should invest anymore of my time especially after 6 years. I know I’m a different person, I’m sure he is too, not necessarily for the better. I think he’s just going through the “shoulda, coulda, woulda’s” not to mention that child support is probably whooping his butt – LOL. I believe that people can change, but his credit ran out a long time ago – LOL.
@ JAT EXACTLY! I forgave the cheating, but I’ve got enough stress – LOL
Thanks guys! This is great stuff! ;)
@JAT/Reina
too funny!
@WP
believe that people can change, but his credit ran out a long time ago – LOL.
**LOVE THAT!
@Warrior
I agree..I just had to get a rise out of you since you lurk 99% of the time…lol.
@Ladies
On the real have any of you ever cheated on any of your men….seriously? If so what made you do it?
@ Blaze – ROTFLMAO! You caught me! I can proudly say that I’ve never cheated. Maybe I should have.
@ Blaze
Nah. I’m too lazy to cheat, and to paraphrase a quote I’ve heard, “Lying is recognizing the superiority of the other person.” I have ego issues.
Have you?
@JustA
I heard that the original daughter on the Wayans–her mother didn’t like some of the future story lines and that was why she was pulled out.
And I think an argument can be made, one of the key reasons why I didn’t consider theater as a major, that the second daughter looked similar to the other kids on the show (color/hair etc) than the first daughter on the Wayans. Unfortunately often in show business it depends more on how one fits into the “family” than their skills. Now this argument is not to say that it was right.
Morning all!
@blaze
*raises hand* I did (not my proudest moment)! I should have ended things but I didn’t. I cheated because I was shut down when I tried to be the supportive girlfriend, I was not getting enough attention and there was someone who became my friend and then things changed.
fin.
Ok an even better question is “who” could make me cheat? Let’s see. Djimon Hansou, Eric Benet’”Real” from real Chance of Love. I know I’ve got issues – LOL. Who would make you cheat in a heartbeat?
I’M HERE!
whew…ya’ll I’m late today! gotta catch up
@Blaze
yeah i cheated…which is why i have no tolerance for it now. i know what goes thru a cheater’s mind and whats behingd their actions so…yeah
@Reina
In response to you #19 post I completely agree with you. As men we know most women will get approached by various men on the regular and the opportunity to cheat is easily open for you. That causes some insecurity on our part, especially if we’re not taking care of home like we should be.
Real? WTF? Now your credibility is questionable..lol.
@WP
REAL???? girl….whew chile…I’m dead at that one!
@ blaze:
Yes, to varying degrees. I have only cheated one time where I actually physically strayed, and my SO was emotionally abusive, so I justified my actions by the fact that ol’ boy deserved it. Other times I started “affairs of the heart” where I would begin communicating with another person to get my emotional needs met. I would hold off on doing more than just talking until I had formally ended my failing relationship.
@ Blaze
Answer my question in #28.
@ blue:
I guess. But the son didn’t really look like the sisters. It’s okay for a black man to be darker, but not women. But, lemme stop. I have a tendency to be color struck, which is weird considering my family is mostly a bunch of lite-brights.
@WP
Real? oh now. That hair is too silky for me.
@JAT
im mad you call ur fam ‘lite-brites’ cuz thats how i refer to the fairer skinned of our culture too…lmao…
but me and some of my Navy friends formed a coalition dubbed the DSNA (dark-skinned nig*as of America) and I am Big Sister Sexual Chocolate.
all those interested in joining, please send me your dues…
@ Nishadiva – I know, pray for me y’all – LMAO!
@ Nisha:
I’m with you on that. I will never date a man whose hair is more laid than mine. Can’t have his roller set outshining my press and curl. Plus I’m not a fan of long hair on men. Give me a tight fade anyday.
Although, a dude with well kept dreads might get a second look. But they have to be professionally maintained, not the twigs and sticks these Florida boys want to call dreads.
@ Chelsea:
I got that term from an earlier post of yours! According to us we are all medium to dark. But up north we can get away with it. Also, I friended you on myspace last night… and Fabie too.
Reina
Yes I have cheated before trying to be greedy. Obviously there’s nothing I can say to justify my cheating but to say I was being greedy…had nothing to do with the woman I was with.
@JAT
oh ok…glad I could be influential! lmao…
and yeah you friended me…you almost got erased cuz of that fake azz pic you have as ur default until i saw the Tallahassee part…consider urself lucky and imma need you to upload some real pic immediately.
that is all
@Blaze
smh…greedy huh? a damn shame…
Mornin everyone.
I’ve been lurking and now I’m putting my 2 cents in.
@ Warrior
the multiple baby mama’s struck a nerve for me. One baby mother is enough. My BF has a baby mother from hell who happens to look like a mud duck and I’d like to burn her and spread the ashes over the sea.
@ Blaze what do you consider cheating? Then, I’ll answer the question.
@JAT
*clears throat*
what about me? I’m on myspace.
I have dated a guy with locks (he is the guy I cheated with oh the shame). But SILKY HAIR IS A NO! I refuse to date a man who gets his hair curled
@Chelz
First off good morning..Hope all is well with you.
A shame? Yes, but im just trying to be honest. It was just sitting on a platter handed to me. Doesnt make it right but we’re being candid right?
@Nean
IMO opinion…cheating is engaging in relations with another woman/man while in a exclusive relationship
O and Warrior,
I re-tried an EX and he did change, but he added on some extra things that got him fired again! So, I say don’t, but it’s possible he could be a better man. It’s just one of those situations…
Nean! Burn her and spread her ashes? Get in the corner!
@ Blaze
Ok. I think that’s the main difference b/w men & women. Men cheat due to greed, and women do it due to neglect or something missing at home. I know this isn’t the case for all so don’t jump on me for generalizing, but from stories I’ve been told, it applies.
@ nisha:
Girl, I don’t have your info! I’m myspace.com/blessed118. I don’t have any pics, but you have to excuse that. I’m also on Facebook, but I’ll email that contact through Myspace cause I don’t want my info all over.
And me and my man should not use the same beauty products. Although the guy I am dating is growing dreads, and he needs an education in caring for longer hair. He’s biracial (black and puerto rican) so the stuff his friend uses doesn’t exactly cut it for his texture.
@ Blaze,
Ok, then yes I’ve cheated and this was one of the TRUTH questions @ our ladies nite and I answered NO, Nisha I know I am in direct violation. But, Nikky was there and I can’t reveal somethings to her lol. But, it wasn’t P!
Women are better cheaters than men. ANYDAY. Hands down!
I just had to throw that in there….
ROTFLMAO @ aneanAriel. ” A mud duck” PRICELESS! LOL
Good Morning Peeps!
My memory is too bad to cheat. I WILL get caught…so why bother.
Reina I would have to agree on that one as far as why women cheat.
@ reina:
I’m with you on that.
It’s funny to me though that sometimes women cannot read the emotional distress signals a man sends up (most notably silence) and men can go looking for the missing emotional stuff elsewhere. but getting them to talk is like trying to take white off rice.
lmao@Miss treating everyone like her Meatball Head!
@Blaze
morning to you too…i am on cloud nine as my move date gets closer and closer…handed to you on a platter? really? explain…
@Nean
sounds like you need to join the club with me and Reina for the Vengeance (sp) club….you’d fair well with us…very well!
@JAT
black-arican huh? get it gurl!
@ Miss
Yes, burn her! She is the most manipulative bitch I’ve ever known, and she’s threatened me several times, so yes I would like to physically harm her.
Baby Mama drama can be stressfull and put a damper on a relationship, but if the person is worth it then it can work.
Hey Moe and Miss!
@ Moe:
I have have a weird memory. I can recall some odd little thing that you said a year ago, but will not remember what I told you five minutes ago.
@ Chelz
Where do I sign for this club? Why did you two create this club? I’m sure it’s a good reason.
Hi Miss!
@ JustA
Noticing the signals is one thing, but as you stated, getting men to talk about is frustrating. Thankfully, I’m persistent, and I nag. You’re going to talk to me.
@ JustA
Exactly! I’ll forget most of the things I say, but I won’t forget what a guy tells me. I’m too observant and things just stick with me as Moe is well-aware of.
@JAT
You sound like me. I can remember stuff that happened when I was 4-5 yrs. old…but if you ask me about something that happened a couple of days ago…
@Nean
no worried…you’re in! Reina and I were dubbed the ones ‘Most Likely to do a Jazmine Sullivan on a Ni**a’ in our Fly Guy Yearbook, and since you called ol girl a ‘mud duck’ and threatened bodily harm in a creative manner, you fit the description.
Reina breaks into ppl’s apartments using Monolo’s and credit cards, and I spray paint cars and flatten tires with the best of them.
Reina has a memory like an elephant holding a tape recorder!
@Moeski
did you finish writing that essay about Reina yet?
lmao @ breaks in ppl’s apts with Monolo’s! They have to be old and outdated cause she can’t be using the fresh ones.
Wow, that is pure comedy.
I love you guys. Make my day go so smooth.
Hello my fellow Estrogen Coalition members!
Janean he bakes so I know he is worth it, lol. I just can’t deal with that sort of drama. If the mother of your child is that bitter and angry toward you moving on then i’m going to step out of the picture I don’t fair well with that type of situation. I would have already spread those ashes, lol.
@nean
No you good honey.
Are JAT and I the only ones in the coalition that don’t destroy property and break into peoples homes?
@Chelz
I had to scrap the essay…too much information. I’m on page 36 of my thesis though.
and Tubbs come back!!!!
lmao@Moe…damn 36 pages? holy smokes
@Miss
vandalize something! you’ll feel better! i promise….
@ Chelsea
Shhh! You’re going to alert my parole officer.
@ Miss
I did NOT destroy property. I opened the door forcefully and trespassed on private property. Misdemeanors at best.
@ Nean
I didn’t go over with the intention of opening the door with my foot, but he wasn’t home which he was supposed to be. And I had a question that required an immediate answer.
Nope. I will just do the color purple ’till you do right by me’ thing and keep it pushing.
@ Moe
A thesis? Hilarious.
Well, I’ve never cheated. But recently my guy of three years cheated on me. His wasn’t physical but it was emotional. I think I went through ALL of the 9 steps over and over and over again over the last 2 months. But if your significant other isn’t receptive to anything you’re saying (even with hard core facts presented) it becomes a worse situation. Thats all… i guess.
Reina, breaking and entering…did you dress up as a ninja?
A ninja in Manolos…now that’s HOT! LOL
Where is my bff fab!
@ Miss
No…just entering. And no, I didn’t! I told you “opening the door with my foot” was not my original intent.
@Chelz
Explain on a platter…? To be blunt some women throw it at some men without us having to put in too much work…The chemistry is there and we both take advantage of the situation. Remember my low hanging fruit analogy? Thats what Im sayin..
@Reina
sorry..you need an alias or something
@Miss
curse him? works for me!
@DJ K Woods
sorry to hear that…we’re here for ya!
@Blaze
really? ugh…so you actually go after women who throw the coochie at you without work as opposed to bein satisfied with the woman you have at home?
ok…i guess. if it works for you..by all means….
@Chelz
LOl..You’re twisting my words…Do this..call 6′4 since he plays hoops and ask him if would rather take a wide open lay up or take a contested 3 pt jump shot?
@Blaze
i wont ask him that…we’ve already had a discussion similar to loose females offering sex while you have an SO. He admitted to being weak of the flesh.
and how am i twisting your words? isnt that what happened?
@ Nisha
Fab has a paper to finish. She may not post until it’s complete.
@reina
I was worried. Thank you mamas.
@Chelz
I think you missed my ealier post. Cheating had nothing to do with the main jawn, it was about being greedy..it wasn’t an either or situation…it was just some extracuricular activity..ya dig?
I’m here! I’m here! Taking a mental break from this paper
Chelsea you and this guy are discussing sex already? I’m putting a question mark next to your name in the celibacy database.
@fab
Just wanted to make sure you were ok :)
*eats cookies while blaze and chelz try and get on the same page*
Lmao
@Miss
no we were discussing general relationship stuff…cheating, committment, habits, etc. We’ve talked about how I feel about sex and he’s cool with it. He respects it and there’s no pressure.
so erase the question mark!
@Blaze
right…you were greedy so you slept with someone else soley cuz it was easy. Got it!
@Nisha
gimme a cookie!
@Ms Miss
LOL..Exactly..let me flip the script on Chelz…If he is already weak in the flesh to cheat, how is he planning on waiting a significant amount of time for you while you’re in the middle of your celibacy phase..?
@chelz
Gimme got shot by may I have…lmao
*hands chelz a cookie*
that was too funny.
hey nishaaaaaaaaaaa!
Thanks, bff!
On topic: My ears are open but no story usually comes out. Most men are not willing to discuss their cheating ways, that is the bottom line. It might stem from shame. The common answer (if you decide to stay with a cheater and you’re trying to find out why it happned is) is “why you bringing up the past? why do you have to bring her into this? you said you forgave me so why we talking about this?”
@Blaze
we were discussing the past. Not the present. If he does decide to sleep with someone else during this time where we’re supposed to be a couple then thats on him…i’ll chunk him the deuces and go back to being a man hater. Simple. That doesnt have anything to do with me.
And also I’m a firm believer that a cheater is gonna cheat. So it wouldnt matter if I was screwing his brains out 3 times a day or playing “coochie keep-away”…if another chick is what he wants, another chick he shall have!
Isnt that what YOU did, Blaze?
@Chelz
Ok cool…glad we’re on the same page.
Question:
Do all of you ask a potential SO if he ever cheated before in a relationship?
@ blaze:
In your opinion, when does cheating have to do with a SO? If she lets herself go? isn’t supportive? Do you wake up and realize that your only compatibility is between the sheets? Is there a trial period where you give her time to correct the situation?
@ Moe, and1, preston, FG, other male lurkers:
feel free to answer
@Blaze
yes i always ask
@Chelz
Has any guy ever admitted to cheating in the past? If so, did you still pursue him?
@J Thought
I can’t answer for all of XY but me personally it was usually due to me being greedy.
@JAT
I can’t speak from personal experience, but based on stories I’ve heard, there were a variety of reasons. But normally it wasn’t just one thing in particular. It was a combination of things over an extended period of time.
@ Blaze
Yes, I ask.
@JAT
‘I can’t speak from personal experience’
I say this because I was around 20 at the time when I did it, and my SO was literally on the other side of the world.
I did it when I was 21 or 20 I think.
@JAT — I cheated a lot when I was younger and every time it had little or nothing to do with the female and had everything to do with me. Machismo and insecurity mostly… Post 24 or so…absolutely no cheating.
@Blaze
yeah i’ve had some guys admit that they’ve cheated…and depending on how long ago prior it was or the circumstances, I may have overlooked it. But I also have to remember that I’ve cheated before, so I can’t cast any stones. I just try to stand back and observe…
Thanks for the responses fellas!
lol @ JAT
Please ignore previous post. Imma get it together
*brain is all fried right now*
I’d like to ask that same question back to the ladies. if you’ve cheated, why did it happen? The reason I see the most often is when a woman feels she’s been “wronged” in some way–so then the cheating feels justified to a degree.
“remember how i kept asking you to spend some quality time with me?? some quality fuckin time?? well…somebody else got yo time” –Martin Lawrence
Good question Preston
@ Preston:
That’s pretty much it for me. If I have been neglected emotionally over an extended period of time, then that’s when I get the urge to stray. It takes a lot, however, for me to want to go outside the relationship physically, because (and this is not right nor fair) there are a lot dudes that will placate you emotionally while they wait patiently in hopes that you will someday get the goodies.
# 144: “someday give up the goodies.”
dang, #114. Blaze, your typos are contagious
@Preston
women come up with all kinds of reasons as to why they cheat…bottom line is cuz you WANTED TO! thats why ppl cheat…cuz they see something that looks better than what they have (or dont have) currently and they take it. Simple as that.
I dont buy those excuses women make. ‘Oh i was feeling lonely…he never spends time with me…”
**yeah chick, you were home alone and HORNY! so when that sexy ass dude that lives next door came over to borrow some sugar, you jumped all over it!
even though you guys tease me bout the Goose, i know for a fact i dont have sex just cuz im inebriated. i do it cuz I want to. the alcohol just makes it easier to deal with.
@ Chelsea:
By the time I would consider having sex w/ someone else, I don’t need to make excuse because I will get downright ignant with a dude. “Don’t even worry bout coming over after you leave the club, cuz I won’t be home.” There are no excuses, and usually the relationship is over, and I don’t do that good-bye sex because it’s effin pointless.
*Chewing Gum*
@ Preston,
My reason for cheating was because I felt neglected and PS2 at that time was getting more feels than me, soooo I had a bang session with someone else.
@ Preston
I’ve never cheated before, but I’ll answer nonetheless. If & when I’ve had thoughts, it’s because I wasn’t getting what I need from him. I didn’t cheat, though. I just leftl Let me quote my fav R&B artist of the moment: Ne-Yo. (Shut up Fab!)
“In the time it would take you to learn from your mistakes
In the time it would take to dial the phone
In the time it would take you to realize her greatness she’ll be gone
She’s moved on to someone who takes the time”
f
Reina
First deuces and now you’re spittin lyrics….Today wouldn’t be the day to disagree with you…lol
Reina,
Dammit, you know me too well *not saying anything else*
You had me bust out laughing out REALLY loud, ill have you know!! LOL
LOL @ Blaze
You can disagree with me. I’m having no murderous inclinations today.
@ Fab
Yes, yes I do.
Hey Pres,
I have not cheated but i’d say that ultimately, it would be by choice. I’d do it to show the other person how it feels to be cheated on (if he did that to me). My approach with everything is to put myself in somebody else’s shoes and think about how they might feel. Cheating would be the ultimate reversal! Of course, everything would end after that because it would be pointless to stay together. My feelings for you must be dead for me to physically/emotionally go there.
Nah Reina Im good. I see that you’re on fire today. Plus I dont need for Chelz or J Thought to get their second wind for the day. I need to recruit some additional XY cats for this piece.
@Blaze
i dont NEED no second wind…I can go all day baby!
You guys have been going…had to spend the last ten minutes catching up!
@ blaze:
I’ve been very nice today.
J Thought
Always do you…You keep it gully
Gully? Really? Ok…havent heard that one in a WHILE…
Chelz
I had to bring it back, it was the only way to describe J Thought. She’s done tried to slice me up several times…
if you call her gully then what do you refer to me as? we’ve gone head to head many a day, boy….
Chelz..your name says it all. What more can I say..
lmao…yeah that about sums it up!
Would NeNe be better?..lol
naw…im good with what i got…love NeNe to bits…but Chelsea is the ISH!
Ok I know i’m REALLY behind, had to run up to the school.
So Chelsea that is some heavy stuff to discuss. If you believe that once a cheater always a cheater knowing that he has cheated in the past why are you dating him?
Blaze in regards to your question it isn’t a question i’ve ever asked and don’t know how to really pose the question. I’m not sure if I will get an answer i’m not ready for and then always been searching for something that isn’t there. I think that it may be a question that should be locked up in the same closet as the how many sexual partners you’ve had question.
Preston, anytime that I ever cheated it would happen when I felt that I wasn’t getting enough attention most of the time. Many times it wouldn’t be full blown sex at all but just spending time with a person that was affectionate, had the same interests, cared what I had to say, wasn’t too busy to spend time with me etc.
@Ms Miss
I agree with you. I never ask someone I’m trying to date that question because its hard for me to answer that honestly. Even though it was in the past they would be skeptical moving forward with me.
@Miss
because he was honest about it. I asked. he answered. all i can do now is watch and see
so you don’t believe once a cheater always a cheater?
i believe that if you WANT to cheat, you WILL…no matter what your SO says or does.
Question: How you do you avoid temptation?
@Blaze
Easy…don’t put yourself in the position where cheating is an option. Don’t allow yourself to be alone with that person in an intimate setting.
exactly what Moe said. in my case would be cheating on myself. that is why i’m never alone or in a position to have sex.
Avoid temptation? Why would I want to do that?
;)
I agree with Moe & Miss. Don’t allow yourself to be pulled into a situation where you’ll be tested.
I agree with being in a position of not being alone with that person but as Reina says, what about avoiding emotional cheating? Thats where it all starts..thats the challenging part
@Blaze
You can avoid it by not doing it. If you’re that hooked on talking to woman other than your SO…then it’s time to man up and end the relationship. It’s one thing to be alone with someone and resist the temptation. But if you can’t fight the urge to call another woman to spill your guts about what’s going on in your life…then you need to re-evaluate how important your SO really is.
I am a firm believer in the “free will” thing. You have free will and YOU make the CHOICE to either give into something or say nah I’m good. Dont put yourself in that situation but, if you happen to land there for some reason there is ALWAYS an EXIT!
@blaze
When it comes to physical cheating it is def. when past experience comes in for those that have cheated in the past. People know the situations…no need to test oneself.
Moe
What I’m trying to say has nothing to with talking or even engaging in conversations. Im talking about just the thought of sexual opportunities, which can be just as wrong. Also Im just generalizing….
@ Moe
I agree. I’m much more susceptible to emotional cheating than physical. And if it does happen, it becomes necessary to end the relationship.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh get me out of work please!
Sorry, that was inappropriate…
@Blaze
Okay. I think everyone fantasizes from time to time. I guess it depends on how much time you spend thinking about these opportunities. I don’t think a fleeting thought would be considered emotional cheating (I’m sure the EC will correct me if I’m wrong), but if you let it consume you…then yeah..you’re crossing the line.
@Reina
I think resentment for your SO will build over time if you continue to say with him/her when you’re forced to go to someone else to get what you need.
*stay not say
@ Moe
More than likely but I wouldn’t remain with him
*on a sidenote*
Rudolf comes on tonight!
@Moeski
smh….ur daughter is grown. you have no excuse to be watchin that foolish. Youa grown azz man..
That is all
@Chelz
Whateva! I watched Shrek and the Grinch Monday, I’m watching Rudolf tonight, and Charlie Brown next Monday.
That is all.
lmao…do you wear your jammies with the footies in them too?
I got TWO pair! Now!!
Transformers….and the Smurfs.
why am i convinced that you’re telling the truth? hmmm…wow….lmao
Anyone still in here?
I wish I didn’t work 3rd shift. I would have loved to be in this chat yesterday.
Good morning to whomever is lurking…
aint nobody lurking…i was just waiting for someone else to open up the floor first….
13 days until I move!!!!!!!!!!!!
yay for Chelsea!!!
Morning Chelz and Just…
I was lurking lol.
@ Chelz is the boo helping you move?
J Thought you disappeared on us yesterday. U good this morning?
Whats up Chelz?
Morning all!!!
Morning all!
Hey nish!
@Nean
I dont think he can help…he lives almost an hr away, and I’m moving over like a two week period. I get my keys on the 17th, but I wont be living there until New Year’s probably
@all
wassup party ppl!
@fab
HEY BFF!!!!
Girl did you get that paper done?