Feeling Trapped In My Marriage

Dear Fly Guy

I’m sick of my husband. He has mental issues, and I’m tired of appeasing him just to keep him calm. He doesn’t know how to act in public; we can’t even have normal conversations; he has a bad temper; and we have separate bedrooms, because he is such a slob. We also have a twelve-year-old daughter together, who probably doesn’t know what it means to have a healthy adult relationship. I want to leave him so bad, but have no money … what should I do???

Lia

Dear Lia,

Before I provide my thoughts on your unfortunate situation, I’d like to first suggest that the two of you seek out a professional mediator to discuss your marital issues in a safe, open environment. If this proves unsuccessful, then your next step seems fairly clear.

While I’ve never been an open advocate for divorce, I’m also not a fan of someone pridefully staying in a failed situation after all possible remedies have been exhausted. So please seek help first (I can’t stress that enough), and if that doesn’t work, then you need to leave. Hopefully, there’s a family member or friend willing to help out while you get back on your feet.

As far as your daughter is concerned, it’s your responsibility to teach her about healthy relationships … even if you don’t personally have one. My father wasn’t always the most expressive husband growing up, but my mom used those opportunities to pull me aside and teach me valuable lessons on what a woman needs from her mate. I still carry those lessons with me today, and I believe that you can have that same type of lasting influence on your daughter. Don’t let your situation interfere with her development and understanding of what it means to be a healthy, happy adult. I hope this helps, and I’ll continue to pray for you and your situation. Take care.

The Fly Guy