Don’t Holler … Just Talk To Her
Jun 9th, 2009 | Author: The Fly Guy | Category: Fly Features
Comments (10)
The walls were closing in on me last night as I diligently worked to finish my relationship manifesto (trust me people; this will be a must-read when it arrives in bookstores.) So with no desire to spend the rest of my night battling severe bouts of claustrophobia, I headed out at 2 a.m. to meet a friend who was still out partying with a few of her girlfriends. As I pulled up to the club, I noticed two things before making it inside. My first observation was a huge influx of beautiful women still making their way into the club. This was followed by the realization that an even larger contingent of men—who either wouldn’t or couldn’t pay to get in—were all standing outside trying to hit on any and everything in heels.
That’s right. They were using the old “baby, I can’t pay to get in, but I’m going to use that $20 to take you to Waffle House later” line … works every time. But there was one exchange in particular that I had to share with you, as it still has me scratching my head. It went down like this:
(Fly Disclaimer: The following dialogue is a verbatim exchange. If I’m exaggerating at all, may I wake up tomorrow morning with Bobby Brown’s bottom lip.)
Him: “Hey girl, you know you in trouble right?”
Her: “Why am I in trouble?”
Him: “Cuz you ain’t brought yo fine ass over here to talk to me. Come here right now and holla at a nigga.”
Her: **blank stare**
A couple of things came to mind as this scene unfolded before me. The first, of course being, “stop staring at him … he knows he looks like a complete jackass, so there’s no sense in adding insult to his moral injury.” But as I avoided eye contact by looking up into the clear night sky, a shuddering thought overcame me ….
Maybe he isn’t embarrassed.
Maybe he thinks that’s how he’s supposed to approach women.
If that’s the case, then I have my work cut out for me. I mean, there has to be some way to counteract such illogical approaches like this, right? God I hope so.
Well, as I work to construct a course syllabus aimed at rehabilitating the black sheep of my gender, let me first start by giving them—and anyone else that’s interested—some food for thought. So wash this down with some water, and refrain from any physical activities for at least 45 minutes while it digests.
Fly Food For Thought: Women appreciate masculinity in a man … they just don’t want it to spill into the way you address them (In other words, she doesn’t want you talking to her like she’s a dude.) So dial back the aggression on the approach. There will be other opportunities to show just how manly you are.
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Truer words have never been spoken before.
how do you post this facebook?
http://www.facebook.com/share.php?src=bm&v=4&i=1220449642&u=about%3Ablank&t=
That may work
I can’t wait to buy the book!
Amen.
Great advice for the men because there are way too many of them out there who think its appropriate to approach a woman in that manner.
I agree…I think my moms would kill me if I ever approached a woman like that.
Ironic thing is, it seems like the polite, gentleman’s approach doesn’t work that well, either. At least not from my experiences. LOL
PREACH!!!!!!!!!
What happened to “Hi how are you, My name is *INSERT NAME*?”
I AM SO TIRED of men(or should I say boys) hollering,whistling, and talking about “hey lil mama!” or “hey shorty” or this one “hey bay bay!” UGH!!!!!!!!!!!
I do not respond at all and keep it moving. It has gotten to the point where I downplay my looks, and where all black and hats. Just to avoid getting “holla” at.
Good article and you raised a good point in the end about the measured doses of masculinity you give off. Your example is on one end approach spectrum and Nicki’s suggestion, in my opinion, is on the other end. The “Hi how are you, my name is” approach and that will get just about as many blank stares as ole boy’s words.
Its the same look you give when you go eat at an ethnic restaurant that you’ve never had before and you order a meal with chicken (who can mess up chicken right) and when they put the plate down it smells like chicken, might even taste like chicken, but you see no part of the chicken that in all your years of eating chicken you recognize…THAT is the look you get. They look at you like “I can see you’re a man but you are just so…so…polite…something must be wrong with him”.
This post was definitely needed! You are so right about other ways to show women how manly men are. That is such a turn off to me when a guy throws out lines like that. Hot mess! Can’t wait to read the book!