Uncommitted Love- Guest Feature

May 16th, 2009 | Author: admin | Category: Fly Features
Comments (4)

I wanted to share the following guest feature, as it speaks to a raw emotion that many of us have experienced … It’s the feeling of not knowing where you stand with someone. Once you’ve decided to invest your heart, time and energy into another person, you feel it’s only right that they return the favor. But it doesn’t always turn out that way, does it? Sometimes we give our all to them, only to discover they still aren’t ready to commit in the same way we’ve committed to them. Our guest writer deals with this reality head-on with an emotional letter to her uncommitted lover. Read the following, then answer my Fly Discussion Question below.


Uncommitted
By: K. Stokes

I can’t say that I love you entirely and I don’t know if I’d ever be able to. It’s almost as if I have this unconscious guard up, because I’m too afraid of fully letting go of my inhibitions and just love you. Maybe I fear that you’ll feel as though I’m just like everyone else. Or maybe I’m afraid that you won’t fully reciprocate my love – either way, my fears make me incapable of being wholly immersed in you.

People have been constantly telling me, “Don’t take him too seriously,” “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket,” and my absolute favorite, “You’re nothing more than a side bitch.” Despite all the largely irreverent, undesired commentary, we’ve managed to remain consistent, yet still uncommitted. So many people have so much to say that it scares me, but I continue to endure the negativity and remain loyal to you. No one sees you for the man I see in you. No one sees the supportive rock that you have continuously been for me.

Yet I still fail to understand why you cannot be with me.

It’s almost as if we’ve hit a point of stagnation and I can’t help but feel that you’re becoming comfortable with our “relationship,” or lack thereof. It’s really starting to make me question, is there something wrong with me?

I honestly don’t think you see it – the potential of what we could have. Your perception of me is jaded by the disloyalty of those who have come before me. I try my hardest to show you I have no malicious intentions – my only intent is to grow to love you.

I desperately need to know in which direction we’re headed. Elucidate things for me – better yet, for us. I don’t want to hear the pragmatic responses that are solely meant to appease me for the moment. I want to know the truth, so I can weigh-out my options – is it worth it for me to stay or if I should just completely walk away. Please, tell me if the problem lies within me or you, and if we’ll be able to fix it. I’m willing to make the necessary changes to make this work, I just need to know if you’re willing to meet me half-way. However, if you continue to remain indecisive or feel that I’m not worth the effort, allow me to walk away to find true happiness with someone who genuinely wants to love me – and you can feel free to remain comfortably uncommitted to someone other than me.

You can follow K. Stokes on twitter here

Fly Discussion Question- Have you ever given your all, only to find yourself in relationship limbo? Tell me about it.

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  • Nikki Breeze

    Gave my all to someone for 3 yrs…i can so relate to this letter…on how she feels…in the begiing youre cool with no commitment…only because its them so you just go along with it hoping things will change…and when they dont you start to wonder is it me? is something wrong with me? is that the reason why he wont commit…and you fear asking him because you fear the unknown response…but she os right…we all deserve to give our love and everything we have to someone who is willing to reciprocate WITH commitment.

  • NELL

    MY GOD, I JUST MY ??? OF 4 YRS THIS YESTERDAY. IT WAS HIS B-DAY AND I WAS RELUNTANT TO MENTION HOW I WAS FEELING NOT WANTING TO PUT A DAMPER ON HIS DAY. BUT THIS LETTER SPEAKS VOLUMES. HIS REPLY IS: HE WANTS THE SAME AS ME HE’S JUST AFRAID IF HE MESSES UP HE’LL LOSE ME FOREVER. SOUNDS G E N E R I C TO ME BUT I’M COPYIN, PASTIN AND EMAILIN THIS LETTER

  • Swexy

    This post has truly truly touched my heart and soul. It’s a feeling that is rather difficult to explain- when a man that you care for so deeply is just not that into you. As a woman I tried and I tried and I guess I tried too much when I received the infamous text informing- I can’t do this anymore. So, he broke my heart and walked away from a friendship because he said I cared too much. I guess I was just someone who he thought was cool, smart, and pretty but only when he needed me to uplift him mentally as well as talk him through his trials and tribulations. But, the minute I spoke about a possible us or what I needed in a friend he would shut me down. I felt so horrible and so weak after he decided to end the friendship because I gave up so much of me to make sure he was okay. To me he was a king a wonderful wonderful disciplined man. But, just how wonderful was he? To be so quick to knock the same woman down who was always there to pick him up?! I know he was scared and highly paranoid due to another failed relationship, which had and has his mind more times than not. Why is it that I had to pay for her mistakes?! Sadly enough I blame me more because I let him into my space and I thought the world of him. I really wanted to love him sooooo much, however he just didn’t want me to. Yes, there may have been someone else or maybe I wasn’t light enough for him but whatever it was it left me hurt and so very confused. My self-esteem has always been fairly high, however when he walked away he took all of my self-esteem with him. It’s been a month plus now and I’m still getting over losing his friendship, but I know I’ll be okay. My sincerest hope is that I can move forward freely without reservations of caring and loving again. I don’t want the next man to have to pay for the negative and selfish actions of another man.

  • Jamell

    Okay where do I begin with this? For starters, I feel that it is unfair for a man to pursue a woman, start dating and when she starts liking him and wanting something serious he wants to disregard it or hurt the woman by walking away from the situation. A man should be honest with a woman from the get go in his intentions and what he wants before anyone get emotionally invested in the situation. This is where the communication barrier breaks down. I know we’ve all been hurt in the past but why cause more pain to someone because you don’t want what she wants? The biggest problem is men want to have their cake and eat it too and weigh out options. If they want to do that, then let the woman know so she knows the deal. I think what happens is people get hurt and they think they’ve resolved their own personal issues and delve into a new situation just to feel wanted and then realize they’re not ready for something serious. If a man is not happy with himself, he can’t be happy with a woman. Women shouldn’t have to wait and see what a man wants to do. It should never get down to ultimatums, its either one way or the other, not maybe or halfway…its 100% of 0%, nothin in between that. remember that in your aspirations to find true love.