I Think I Hate My Husband

Terry I think that you should talk to your husband about how you feel. I can understand wanting to keep your family together however remaining unhappy in your marriage is not going to be beneficial to your children. Kids pick up on that stuff no matter how much you try to hide it.

First and foremost, try to communicate with your husband on these issues. Also, don’t ever bad mouth or talk negatively of him in front of your 4 year old. Kids are very astute.

My mother left my father when I was 1 year old. She picked up and left while he was working and she never looked back. It wasn’t easy but it was what was necessary. I grew up seeing my father on weekends and holidays, and overall, I had a pretty happy childhood.

Your children will adjust, and so can you. Any kind of change can be scary. However, don’t let fear keep you in a bad situation.

Talk to him! If he doesn’t open up, do what you have to do to be happy.

I’m really curious as to why you got married in the first place. What were the things that drew you to him? What did you like about him when you guys were dating? What illusions did you have about marriage that, once the ink on the marriage license was dry, got destroyed by reality? Relationships change after marriage, but there had to be SOMETHING about this other person that made you want to pledge til death do you part.

I don’t know if you guys do this, but maybe you need to have a mandatory date night. Or you can both pick up a mutual hobby and talk about that. From what’s posted here, there doesn’t seem to be any sort of abuse, so there is hope that you guys can work it out. I would suggest talking to your husband, being very clear that you are committed to the marriage, and then marital counseling.

First make your mind up and be honest with yourself as to what the type of marriage and life you wantlive. Staying for the kids will just make you even more miserable and resentful towards your husband and your distant actions will make him be resentful towards you. Children should grow up witnessing love and unity not love that is divided.You owe it to yourself to be happy and allow your children to be happy and your husband as well. Think to yourself first about it your intentions,things you want to change in your marriage, and if you really can find a resolution to it if your spouse is open minded enough to take part of some changes (you can’t do it alone) THEN after you went over it with yourself discuss it with your husband and go from there.

I really think you should be open and honest with your husband, but with all of the frustrations of being married, being a mother, being so many other things to so many other people. . . Maybe you should get a babysitter and look into marriage counseling. It just seems that your husband is probably frustrated as well which is why he hasn’t come to you about your attitude. . .it could possibly be mutual. I definitely advocate getting a counselor to mediate and give you guys the balanced opinions of someone from the outside to help you channel back to what got you guys together in the first place. Worst case scenario, you guys don’t make it but you’ve had the arbitration to separate with dignity and civility.

Although divorce hurts, a peaceful and amicable split is better for all parties involved (including your children). You never know, you guys just may be able to give you marriage a new start. Good luck to you, and please don’t be afraid of change. The stagnancy is to be feared, your frustrations coupled with yours husbands with have far more dangerous affects on you, him, and your children.

I would reccomend taking to him and a little marriage counseling never hurts.

Good luck and stay blessed!

As important as your happiness is, the most important thing is the children involved. No matter what happens, you are who you are. If you leave, you’ll have to start over. If you stay and don’t work on the relationship, you’ll be miserable but you’ll adjust. However, what happens in this relatioinship will help define the foundation of the character of your children. As a parent, your job is to raise them to be happy, positive, stable minded, self-sufficient adults. Seeing your parents in an unhealthy relationship will affect your ability to build healthy relationships.

Clearly after 5 years you and your husband have grown and changed. The key is being honest with each other and continuing to do what’s in the best interest of the both of you. To make decisions and compromises that will keep both of you happy. A relationship requires constant maintenance. Express what you do and don’t like. Respect what your better half does and doesn’t like. As a person who thinks “for better or for worse” means just that, if you make a constant effort to make the worse better, things will be fine.

If talking isn’t so easy at first try journaling and reading what the other wants or even counseling.

I pray that God repairs your marriage and restores the happiness that you once had.

I suggest marriage counseling…U guys need a non-biased ear to hear both sides and come to a conclusion about what needs to happen ya’lls marriage.

I agree with the comments about marriage counseling first and foremost. The ability to articulate and communicate your true inner insecurities directly to him may be difficult.

Have you tried counseling. I don’t think you should just pack up and leave until all options have been explored. Even then I think you should talk to him before you leave. I think its kind of harsh to pack and leave while he is at work.

Counceling is a very good idea but do realize there are some people who don’t want others in their business, or they just don’t want to be forced to hear someone else tell them they are wrong. You might want to try writting each other or e-mailing each other. Never know, it might help.

I used to BE Terry.

I was so unhappy in my marriage, afraid to be a single parent, trying not to be a statistic, trying to keep it together for the babies… you name it.

If she’s tried talking to him, getting marriage counseling and scheduling counseling for herself, and still feels there’s nothing to salvage, then she needs to end the marriage.

We often think that our kids need a two-parent home, but what they really need is two parents who are happy. Sometimes that means that the parents need to not be together.

Ensure you talk to your husband about your feelings. Don’t hold it in, let him know the issues affecting you. Listen to what he has to say because he may be having some issues of his own. Get some marriage counselling, this will help you both determine whther this marriage is working for both of you or if it’s best if you separate.

Give it time. All your issues will be not be resolved in a day. Ensure that you give it a chance to work, make every effort to make it work. Don’t give up on what you have built. HTH. Good Luck.

I HATE MY HUSBAND!!!!!! He is a control freak and I keep him around only for the kids I do not love him anymore and everything he does makes me sick….WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING !!!!!!!

I agree with the lady who said that if u ain’t happy leave and that did sound so easy. it’d not because i haven’t been happy for a long time and i am still looking for the get-away-car to leave.

I hate my husband so much. I hate him, I hate him, I hate him. I wish I could get away and never see him or deal with him again. I hate him. I hate him

mind me asking why do you hate hime so much?

What did he do that was so bad or the last straw..or what even built this “Hate”?
I mean is he aware of how you feel? if he doesn’t then you need to put yourself in his shoes and see how you would feel to wake up one day and your loved one not there? and to your mind everything was ok. how would you react? i mean really is it fair that you would just tapp out ?WHy did you marry him in the first place and lasted so long now?

your not givinng much meaning as to why you want to leave. it just sounds like your quiting just because. Just “I hate him” dont do to much. Think of the conversation:

“Baby im going to leave.”
“Ok honey when will you be back and where are you going?”
“away from you and for good”
“Why?”
“Because I hate you !”
“No really ?Why ?”
“Just because i hate YOU!”
“Well is it something i can work on ? something i did in the past? is it the way i fold clothes are something i dont get it i thought everything was ok i work i help out with the kids im there for you when you need me, im on call and will come anywhere at anytime if you asked me to i dont get it !?”
“I JUST HATE YOU”

Wow doesnt really help and that s*$& sucks !

or Are you doing this for pleasure to see how many women would love to be in your shoes right now in the point of their life?

It sound like your hubby has check out of your relationship. That doesn’t mean that there isn’t hope, it just mean that you have to find out why. Maybe he is overwhelm by the responsibilities and don’t know how to deal with it. Communication is the key… you must have been able to speak to him at one point, unless you wouldn’t have thought he was worth keeping.
Think about how you use to communicate when things were great, try re-creating that. But the important thing is to find out why he has shut down. Seeing a counselor is a great idea, because it just seems there is so much more going on. If all else fails, you have to think about what is best for you and your children. Kids are very smart and they don’t miss much, so if your 4yr haven’t seen the tension between you two already, I can guarantee it won’t be long and it will affect the kids too.

Good luck

Hate is a very strong word… if you hate your husband, that means you have lost all respect for him. Being with him for the sake of the kids, can’t be a good thing, not you or the kids.

my husband hates that i love my son so much and can’t handle the fact he gets less attention. He speaks to me like i’m his “hausfrau”, i am expected to work a good job, do all laundry, all chores when he gets home he expects me not to be angry when he wants to go drinking with his friends or random blokes he meets in the pub. i would never have married this man if i had known and i am staying with him for my sons sake. i hate this!

I know what you feel. I have felt like this many times. The worst part is that I keep this to myself this is the first time I comment on how I feel. No one knows how horrible he makes me feel. I have felt like crying to strangers because I feel so helpless. I never thought I would be the stupid girl to stick around yes my excuse my kids.

I know if I came home and my wife left with the kids I would be pissed. I don’t care how miserable you are- you don’t take a man’s kids away from him, unless he’s being abusive or something. Maybe something’s wrong with you and you aren’t able to be happy regardless of the situation. Life isn’t happy all the time.

People don’t just hate their husbands. The most likely reason is because they don’t LISTEN. I work and come home, make dinner, clean, wash clothes and make sure the kids do their school work and have everything they need. Tomorrow I am going to the DMV to register my husband’s car. Do you think he appreciates any of it? Hell no! He wants to know why I’m not more affectionate when he comes home and hugs me from behind while I’m doing the dishes. Grab a towel and then maybe I’ll be more affectionate! Treat my family as good as I’m expected to treat yours, we’ll be closer to being even. I’m tired of giving and giving and giving and never receiving. I don’t want words, I want actions! Sad thing is, I’ve told my husband all of this, but like I said before….he doesn’t LISTEN!!!!

You are right, men don’t listen. but women are blind.

Women should get tubal ligations. Take care of the children you have but don’t bring more into the family. Don’t rely on bBirth control because it’s faulty. Making it permanent is not a sin, it’s a right.

It is a rare husband whose mother has taught him “how” to make his wife happy. Maybe you can teach him but more than likely you will need the help of other christian women. And most likely they need help also.

My best advice for now, Don’t forget to pray and read your scriptures. Have hope. Just don’t keep repeating the same mistakes. ( I am speaking from experience lol.)
There is a God in heaven but he does expect us to have common sense. Write your goals down on paper. Talk to God every day. Remember he loves you. He loves your children. He loves the guys and wants them to do what’s right but he will not force them. And if that guy takes a swing at you, you had better jump out of the way because “you”, dear one, have to be the one to take actions to protect yourself .
Your husband doesn’t love you, he loves himself. He probably thought marrying you would make himself happy and then he didn’t realize that it takes work to keep a wife happy.

One last piece of advice. Don’t do the guilt trip thing. It doesn’t hurt them. It hurts you. So love yourself and good luck.

I been with my husband for 10 years, married for 3 years, we had 3 boys, ages 8,5 and 2. I don’t love him anymore. He is emotionally and physically abusive. He disrespects me in front of our children. I been his back bone for 10 years. I never left his side. He’s cheated countless amounts of time, now I’m just finally tired of it all. We are both only 28 years old and I know its a big responsibility. But I really need a way out. I just don’t know how because I’m not financially able. That is my only reason for staying. If I had the money I would’ve left yesterday….I want out sooo bad.

I have been with my husband for 4 years now we have 2 daughter together and i have never been happy because he was a controling a possesive man jeaoulosy. I met someone else over the internet 2 months ago and we were about to meet each other when my husband found out after that he makes everything posible to have me back i was so resent with him and he wins i stop talking to the other guy and he was the perfect man like for a week after that he started ignoring me and all the old vicious cycle its slowly coming back i feel so bad for giving him another chance i dont know how to gbet out of thi relationship i feel hurt and sad because i really tough we will be happy but it wasnt the case i have tried look for jobs but its been hard for the lack of babysitting and because i have never work before im sctuck here forever or until someone came and save me.

I hate my husband so much. Know why? He is the most annoyed person that I’ve ever met in my whole life. He likes to argue and preach and won’t leave me alone if I’m mad or upset. He follows me everywhere I go from bedroom to bathroom to bitch me. Such a nagger! I cant believe he’s a guy that talks too much. It’s just too much blah blah blah…cant stand it anymore. I want to go away and just walkout from his life but I’m so hurt because we have two young children. Btw he is a good provider. He also bitches his Mom and poor Mom she’s 82 yrs old and it drives her crazy. He has a sick mind maybe too much stress from work and he wouldnt accept it. He thinks he is always right. and he has a bad childhood. that’s why he’s acting this way???

Tired, I just left my verbally and emotionally abusive husband of 6 years. I applied for section 8 housing, got on food stamps and medicaid, and we are starting over. It is the best decision I ever made, and there IS help out there. Take advantage of what the governemnt can offer. Seek out help from your county’s Advocates. Once you are outside our husband’s home, you are condsidered on your own, and you can get government help. Just to get back on your feet, ya know!

@Ms. Avon Wow! He must have been a nagger before you two got married. A guy told me that men don’t do a good job at hiding their true colors from day one. It was simple but true advice.

So I feeling all of you ladies except. I think that I may be going through depression or maybe I am bipolar. I hate my marriage not really my husband just my marriage. I got married because I just wanted to be married. We have absolutely NOTHING in common but I listened to that stupid saying that opposites attract…yeah they may atract but if you have nothing in common the attraction will weaken. I see him sometimes and think “WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS I THINKiNG..I CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER.”
Well he didn’t finish highschool and is a Janitor…I am a Professional in hte healthcare industry. I currently told hm that I wanted to get a Masters and he was against it because of money yet he took out a $9,000 high interest loan when I was pregnant with my son. I support him in everything..I even told him that I would take the GED for him so that he could try to get a better job. I just told him about a new job with the state that would add an extra 10,000 to my yearly salary and he oesn’t want me to apply because I will have to travel 5 percent of the time wher now I just work from home exclusively. I feel that he wants to control me by stopping any advancement possible. HE has been telling me how he wants a nother baby but doesn’t help with the one we have now. Refuses to watch him half the time and the bad part is that he begged me for a child. I am 5 years younger than him and just feel that I can do better. He comes home from work and goes straight into his man room. I bare;ly see him, unless he wants sex. We just went out to eat as a family for the fist time, last weekend and my son is 22 months. So SAD. Ask me when is the last time we went out on a date…well about 18 months ago. “WHY DID I GET MARRIED?” HELP ME

My husband and I have been together for 15 years, married for 4 (I have been with him since I was 15)
We just recently had a little girl who is 10 months and built a new home together 2 years ago. My marriage in my words “SUCKS” he is always talking about how much he contributes around the house (money wise) of course my income has decreased I am on Maternity benefits, when he does this it makes me feel useless, I have an awesome job to return to and make good money, but the thing is, our mortgage is close to $400,00. The home was built by him, the way he wanted it, he didn’t even give the chance to look at other property’s, it had to be brand new. So I went along with it and to be honest I can not afford all the little extras. Everything in this marriage just seems to be what he wants, call me a baby, but that is the way it is, snowmobiles, riding lawnmowers, Quads, he has it all, but that’s because he says he pays for it and works hard. Since I have had my daughter in 2009 I have been home with her 24/7 I love her to death, but I feel as though I need some me time, my husband has been going north bound approx every other weekend, to help his father with his cottage, and to do some recreational activities and I am home with our child. Coming up in March is my 30th birthday, for the past few years I have mentioned how much I would love a party, I know he is not planning anything for me and feel very crushed, when we got engaged It was because I gave him the altimatum, I always have to ask him to do nice things for me, he never just has the thoughfulness to do it for me. I am sick and tired of everything in this relationship being about him for once I want it to be about me, I feel as though I am an extraordinary wife, mother and friend. I just want to be appreciated. Because of his lack of affection and thoutfullness, I have become extremely unhappy and in the process of seeking seperation.

I can top all the stories about men who don’t listen. For my 40th BD, (which was Christmas eve), my husband got me a pair of driving gloves and an air freshener for my jeep. No joke. On top of that, he comes home and sleeps until 7, when I”M the one getting the kids to bed. He smokes way to much, he smells like an ashtray. We have tried counseling twice, tried talking, but he won’t LISTEN. It’s easy to say “well why’d you get married in the first place”. These things don’t happen over night. I’ve tried talking to him. In his words, I’m nagging. Well maybe I am, but if he’d finish one of the 50 projects he’s started around the house, and wouldn’t sleep so much, there would be nothing to NAG about. I truly cannot stand the man. I am so on the verge of filing for divorce. I’ve spoken to a lawyer and took some financial steps. I am just so worried for my kids. Again, it’s easy to say, they’ll be fine. I’m sure they will, eventually…But what about in the meantime???

I have been with my husband for thirteen years and married eight years. We have two children 12 and 6. He has been verbally, emotionally, abusive and possessive over me. He said he would get counseling and change for the sake of keeping his family together. It never happen. I thought about leaving him for years but was scared to start all over again. When I started my career I became more independent. One day I went out with my coworkers and had a good time until I came home to a nightmare from hell. He hit me and cuss me out for going out. I decided to leave that summer to another state to see if would be better if we just seperate. He thinks I’m not permanently working and need his help. I never told him I found a job. After a few months of living in another state with my kids it when I realize I was more happy than ever. I went from 104lbs at 5’7 to a 145lbs. I haven’t been this happy in a long time. I am finally fiing for divorce at his request. I never knew it was gonna end this peacefully. It was a plan God help me to put together. Thank you Lord

I feel the same way about my husband. He just never listens to me and never takes the time to spend with me to try fix anything. He is alway’s in such a rush, and anytime I try to talk to him it end’s in a fight, I just can’t take it anymore. But like the other girl’s have said, I am very scared of starting out again alone with the kids, especially as we have been together for so so long and we have built a life together. My husband is very childish and never listens to me, it just drives me crazy. He will shout and swear at me when he is frustrated and I hate that. I have how fast he drives with me and the kids in the car. My husband doesn’t slow down around the corners and he just speeds everywhere, it makes me nervous and stressed and when I ask him to slow down he get’s angry, he may even suddenly break at times just to piss me off. He will even slow down to a snales pace and say “is that slow enough for you?” he just has no respect for anything I ask of him. In the end he just wants me to drive, and I really feel like crying because when I do, he will then purposely berade me and tell me I’m driveing too fast, when actually I’m drivening just under the speed limit, knowere near as fast as he drive. Also his response to me asking for him to just drive a little slower is “I’m not drivieng like a granny!” , He just doesn’t understand, and I think that I am loosing all love I had for him. He tell’s me constantly that he loves me, and so on, but it really makes me angry to hear him say that, because if he meant it he would talk thing’s through with me so we can come to a comprimise and just work thing’s out, but he is too stuburn, pigheaded and just down right immature, although he is 33!. Marriage is suppose to be about the both of us, and if he has to slow down in the car slightly so I feel more comfortable then why is that too much to ask? I even have nightmares about him slideing of the edge of a clift or bridge, but he doesn’t care, he just say’s I’m a nag. He will start yelling at me, so then I have to raise my voice so he can hear me and then all the sudden I’m the one yelling and it’s all my fault. I also hate it when my husband fights with me in front of the kids or get’s me so upset deliberatly then walks away from me smileing!? what the?. How am I suppose to handle all this? he also swear’s at me when he is mad and I just can’t take any kind of name calling whatsoeva. I havw tlaked abotu this with him several tiems and he promised me he wodul try not to swear anymore, but yeh as you guessed, no change. I deserve so much better, but what can I do? anyone got any magic potion?

I am 17 and married to a 25 year old. we have a 2month old daughter. i hate my husband. i want to leave but i’ mtoo attached to do so. when w emet he ha djust left prison and we starte dout doing a lots of drugs and such. weve been together for about a year and i want out. he thinks he doe sso much just cause he works. i take care of the baby and the house and get no credit. hes an alcoholic and constantly looks at porn. he never takes me out or buys me anything. like seriously. he does enough to keep me alive and thats it. i mso unhappy and just want to go back and never meet him but i cant. what do i do?..

Dear Unhappily Wed,
When I read your post, I was shocked to learn you are only 17, My god girl, you have your entire life ahead of you. You are so young to be so unhappy. About 4 years ago my sister left her husband of 10 years, he was also and still is very additicted to drugs. She has two children with this man, and at the time she fled, she thought it was the worst thing in the world and she didn’t know how she was going to survive. She never worked because her ex didn’t want her too, he was the main provider with control over everything. Like I said that was 4 years ago. She moved closer to home where her family lives, got a full time job and met a new man, she now has a full time job providing for her and her family, and has a new son who is now going to be two. She is soo happy that she left and wonder’s why she didn’t do this sooner. Her ex husband is still addicted to drugs moving from place to place and has nothing to do with his children. I often remind her of where she might be today if she didn’t leave. I guess the point I am trying to make is that you are so young, now is the time to get out. In the future you will look back and thank god that you made that decision. By reading your post it sounds like your husband needs some major counselling, for drug and alchol additction, if he’s not willing to do this for you and his child than he’s not worth the work for. Get out while you can before it’s too late. Hopefully you have supportive family and friends, because these are the ppl to lean on at this time. I hope you make the right decisions, if not for yourself do it for your child. Children are sponges and it sounds as if this is not the proper environment to be raising a little one. Again you are soooo young and have so much life to look forward too. Good Luck in your future endeavors.

My husband is from Mexico & has been here in the U.S. for 16yrs. I married him six years ago & loved him deeply. We have two children now ages one & three. My love towards him has practicaly went away. I must say that he is the most excellent loving father who would do anything for his children. However, about three years ago I started resenting him when we started to argue daily about everthing under the sun! I think one of the biggest issues is that he speaks english very poorly. Yes, when i married him he was not able to speak english very well but I assumed eventually he would learn! He says that his english is fine & that everyone else can understand him but that is not true cause I have to be the translator for other people. Anyway, its really taking a toll on our ability to communicate with one another. At times it can be quiet commical but I am not able to have “adult level” conversations with him. He also has high anxiety & stresses & complains about everything. He decides to ‘opt out’ on any family activities such as picknics, cookouts, parks, etc. saying that he has too much to do. When he does come he wants to know how long were going to stay before we even get there & sets a time limit such as an hour & a half tops. I always feel rushed by his stress and nerves. One of the other things is that I feel a little embarrased by him. I know its terrible that I feel this way but I have to remind him on a daily bases to bathe, and brush his teeth. He refuses to cut his hair and often looks like a cave man. LOL. Me, on the other hand, im the extreme opposite. I take pride in taking care of myself & looking good. I frequently get commits from both men & women asking me how we ever ended up together with him being so unattractive & me attractive. When I ask him if he brushed his teeth today or put deoderant on he just gets offended & says im being a bitch & that I treat him badly. Of couse the list goes on & on & we have frequent conversation about the way we behave towards each other but my negative feeling about our marraige keep growing stronger & stronger. People tell me that once you hit that 5 yr. mark in your marraige that those lovey dovey feelings go away. So my question is am I just being a bitch & feeling that I should leave my husband or should I stay & push past those feelings by putting my ‘big girl’ panties on & tough it out & take it for what it is?

@sarah Hernandez:
babygirl! i have been there before(the language thing):
1. the language thing is a problem. you knew that very early in the relationship because there was an errand he said he would do for you and did not, a scheduled date that only one of you showed up for, the endless benefit of the doubt that develops into annoyance that is denied before it can develop into anger and hurt- which it trully is. Forget about talking at an intimate level and being understood. you have to underestimate their “level of intelligence” because regardless of their education, the delivery is flawed!LOL.
2. the attractiveness thing: this is precisely the case where you learnt to like what you have and not have what you like.
Such is love: a decision. recommit yourself to him daily, hourly. its still there in the moments!

Learn Spanish. Es muy similar a ingles y puedes aprender rapidamente. (It’s very similar to English and you can learn very quickly.)

I married my husband who is 12 years older than I am, more out of pity and guilt, than anything else. He was my boyfriend for several years before we got married. I’ve always been financially independent and I would consider my career to be much more stable than his. I even pay for the mortgage of the house we’re living in, which I bought before we got married. He doesn’t help me out with any house work or remodel payments. He also makes very decent money but he does not want to spend for his kids or me. Siince our mortgage is quite big, I had to tell him that he should pay for our children’s schooling–otherwise, I’m better off having somebody just rent out a room in our house. In addition to that he could be verbally abusive and very unreasonable especially if it pertains to his family. He is still very attached to his family who is actually living in a house that he bought when he was single ( mortgage in that house is about 60% less than the house we’re living in). One time, he asked me for divorce just because I told him to leave early if they are going to visit his parents. He is selfish and I do not think he respects me nor my family. He argues or yell at me in front of my parents but he act really nice when we are in front of his family or if he needs help from me– he’s not the fast one when it comes to technicalities or technology. I am trying real hard to look for a second livelihood like business on the side since I want to separate from him when the kids are a bit older. He has told me before that if we divorce, he will not provide the kids (ages 1 and 3) with any financial support and they could just stay with me. I do not think marriage counseling would work out since I have discussed it with him before and he got really mad and told me that there is nothing wrong with him nor our relationship.

I also hate my husband….i have known him since i was 18yrs old now im 33yrs and we have three daughters 13,11,4 got married 2 yrs ago because we got saved and he really wanted to..omg what did i do?? i really despise him because he doesn’t keep a job,he always on my kids about dumb things, i don’t have fun with him because he’s boring and he doesn’t like anything…yeah i know what your thinking…dumb. im always happy when im home with my kids but when he gets there darkness comes..i feel so alive when he’s not around i am a very outgoing person and love to have fun…we r so different i want to move and get a house where i could go home and have peace..i love to have my house clean and organized and all he does is make a mess and doesn’t care…i really want to have a good life and i feel i can’t with him. i feel so down here….i have a job going strong for 9yrs @ a finance but lately i have been so sad i miss because i don’t want to go and i know depression is getting me..i don’t want to lose my job but i feel so stress @ home i can’t focus…pls i need advice

I have been married since 2008, and I know i love my husband because i havent killed him yet, (lol) but i am very unhappy. i feel he is extremely controlling, and he is also extremely sensitive. he constantly thinks that everything i say is an attack against him, and i have no clue what he is talking about! i am a pot smoker. im not a stupid stoner, but i enjoy a good toke. he has repressed me with treating me like a disease until i gave in. its been like 2 months since i smoked. i am really resenting him. if i dont do what he wants, the consequences are unrealistically heavy. not just with pot. with everything in our lives. thats not the half of our trouble though. he expecs me to do everything, while he hasnt had a job in over a year. he comes up with money through his odd jobs, but its not anywhere close to enough. while i have to do the same, and do the laundry, dishes and everything else home invovled. he treats me like he cant even stand to look at me, and when i ask him whats wrong or approach it any other way, he says im nuts, its all in my head, its me. so not only is he a jerk, he tried to make it seem like im losing my mind! well, i AM losing my mind. lately my resentment has grown so much stronger, i cringe when he walks into the room. i think i might hate him. i certainly dont entertain thoughts of merder, but i really cant fight these feelings. i cant stand to even talk to him right now. and before every1 says tell him how you really feel, i have. i am a realist. i am known for bieng very open and blunt. i have tried it that way, tried sugar coating, strokng his stupid ego, ive given in totally, and given full resistance. nothing. i feel like he is regressing. he wasnt like this a yr ago….any suggestions before i totally bail?

ummm, thats murder* not merder haha

and sorry, forgot to mention, im sure this will factor in to your advice…im 23 and my husband is 36. and before anyone thinks it, im not a gold digger! we are both broke! haha

you need to end that relationship! duh its not the end of the world your young beautiful life has so much to offer for you than that loser! just as they say for men it has plenty fish in the sea. Women it have plenty snakes in the grass1 start over enjoy b4 relationships have friends years or know the person good b4 getting together!!!!!!!make something good for your self! i wish i was in your shoes to get thiis advice now!

My husband and I have been together for a little over three years, we have a beautiful 5 month old baby girl. He works and I am a stay at home mom. I feel very blessed to be able to raise my baby without daycare and such. The problem is my husband and I never agree about ANYTHING…when we were dating it started as friendly debating and such. Now it just annoys me. Everything is a fight, usually that ends in yelling and cursing, sometimes in front of the baby. That kills me. I don’t think I’m very much in love with him and if he said he was leaving tomorrow and not coming home I wouldn’t really be that sad. Mostly relieved that I wouldn’t have to fight about stupid crap anymore! I don’t want to leave him but I don’t want our little girl to realize mommy and daddy don’t get along. How can I learn to deal with him and be happy too?

I hate my husband. He is the worst husband in the entire world. He is unemployed, an alcoholic, and very mean to me. When I married him 8 years ago he was super sweet. Something happened and he turned mean. He insults me constantly, puts me down, and turns everything into a fight. We have a 5 month old baby who is the light of my life and if it weren’t for the baby I would get a divorce immediately. There is no “talking” to this man… he is unable to communicate. I try to talk to him about our relationship and I approach it in a very sweet, gentle way and choose my words very carefully… but no matter what, he reacts in an angry and hostile way, becomes totally defensive, disagreeable and oppositional. He turns everything around so that everything is my fault and I am a horrible monster, even though I work, pay all the bills, do all the housework,and most of the childcare, while he lies around watching TV, then he goes to the bar and drinks beer all night, every night. If I ask him to do one little thing like do the dishes he gets pissed off and calls me a nag. There is no saving this marriage, he is never going to change, he is a completely un-evolved, irresponsible, immature boy who can’t get or keep a job. He provides me with absolutely nothing…. no money, no love, no affection, no companionship, no household help. NOTHING. See? THE WORST HUSBAND IN THE WORLD! Now why don’t I leave him? Thats what I want more than anything in the entire world… I know our horrible relationship is damaging for our child and that if we split up, it would actually be healthier for our child. But the problem is, he is unable to support himself financially, and he cannot function independently in the world. He relies on me for absolutely everything, like a child. He has not one penny. He has been unemployed for 2 years… never looks for work… has no skills…. gets fired from every job. If I kicked him out, he would basically be homeless. Normally I wouldn’t care, I would just kick him out and never see him again and let him fend for himself. The problem is I don’t want my son’s father to be homeless. There would be no way for us to share custody… how would my husband take the baby for the weekend, if he lives on the street? This is my horrendous problem. I can’t see a way out, and I am miserable, and I am terrified for the well-being of my precious, amazing, beautiful baby. Somebody help me.

He will not be homeless………..if he doesn’t have you (mommy) to take care of him. He will have to learn to take care of himself. It might be different if he did anything to balance the responsibilities or made some contribution, but from what you say he doesn’t.

He sounds like he would sell his parential rights in a minute, but then he might need this “nest pushing out” momentum to make something of himself, at any rate you cannont be responsible for an immature, and irresponsible jerks decisions. Nor should your kids, and he will make your kids responsible to him and for him against you when they get older.

This man needs a “caretaker” not a wife. You owe it to yourself and children to stop “enabling” his taking total advantage of you. IT WILL NOT GET BETTER but worse as time goes on and he can get away with this “teenage” lifestyle. Do you want your own children turned against you, as I feel he is just the type to manipulate anyone and everyone in order to support his lazy ways. I know, I have seen them in action. Think long and hard, as him being homeless is your least concern right now. I think he will have to have a home for them to visit…….otherwise not your problem. Document everything, you have done and his behavior……only with documentation can you hope to keep your kids from HAVING to visit him in some alley. Good luck

Hi I am 20 and married to my husband for 1 year and I totally dislike the man. When I met him he lied to me about his whole persona and I knew it!! Dumb right and I stayed with him. We wanted to get married so we set a date and then I found out I was pregnant. I was still in High School and I got married. I ended up graduating early which im proud about but I missed a lot of stuff like prom and walking the stage and clubbing….cutting down to the subject. He gets in these spouts on how I never give up anything for him and that I am the one always at fault. I don’t work because HE doesn’t want me to because I am taking away his “duties as a father and husband” but yet when he gets mad at me he tells me to get a damn job. I am taking care of our son who is 10 months old and he is my whole world. I don’t get any assistance with taking care of him from his father thats for sure. He has gone through 7 jobs since we have been together and we have been together for 3 years. He never let me handle expenses because ” I don’t know how since I never had a job!” but thats bull. Come to find out he has pocketed money for our car payment to eat out and spend bill money on clothes for himself!! He always puts his parents before me and our son for example: We got a big snow storm and got snowed in our house.. couldn’t even open the door!! I called him the next day (he worked night shift at the time) and asked him where he was and he was shoveling snow at his parents house and said he wanted to make sure they were ok!! They are in there early 40′s!! please!! I was so mad and when I told him that we should come first he shrugged me off and asked why i didn’t get my a** out there and shovel it myself……um da can’t open the door. He is now on his 8th job and we live with guess who his parents!!!! Who I dislike also. They try and raise my son like he is theirs. I want out of this relationship so bad, but he wont let me leave he said he would call the police for kidnapping, he isn’t physically abusive but how do I compete with that? I don’t love him anymore, I can’t stand it when he touches me, all he asks for is sex and then complains all the time to his whole family that I never give him any! I don’t want to have any connection to him anymore. His family also makes me want to move as far away as possible so I never have to deal with them again. I thought that he would change but I can see that he won’t. I don’t know what to do he is manipulative and negative in every way possible!!! Help!!! I need some words of advice!

Dear Laughing eyes, I want to thank you for your advise. Since posting my comment I have decided to do some ‘soul searching’ within myself. I do my best to try & see all the wonderful things my husband does & try to overlook the things I do not like about him. It is starting to get easier but at times it can be very difficult. But i am up for the challenge and my new goal is to overcome these negative feelings toward my husband & love & charish him for who he is flaws & all.

Hey notsurewhattodo,
For a long time, my man was like that also. He wanted to be the provider, but if we got behind he’d yell at me about getting a job. He and I didn’t want to day care our kids, so I stayed home w/them while he worked and gambled away a ton of money. Now, I have had it! I lived for 13 years like you, exactly the same threats and all. Now, I am almost finished w/college (which he never wanted me to go to ofcourse), and he finally couldn’t stand it anymore and he left me! I am so relieved. Make a decision on what you want to do (like nursing? get a job somewhere that’ll pay for your tuition or get financial aid by calling a college that you want to attend), and just get yourself educated and do it!
You know, while he is at work, and the baby is napping, you can be on-line taking on-line college courses. There are many credible universities that have full on-line programs, some half and half. Check them out. He never has to know. You can have your mail go to someplace else, a friends etc…
Make sure that you also get advice from a few lawyers…take advantage of free consults.
Don’t let your life pass you by w/his threats. They are signs of his own issues within his mind…seriously, he sounds bi polar.