I Think I Hate My Husband

Mar 24th, 2009 | Author: | Category: Fly Letters
Comments (99)

Hey Fly Guy,

Thank you for the advice you recently gave me about my marriage. You really helped me through some dark days. The reason that I’m writing you again is because I was hoping I could get some feedback from your readers about my situation (minus the more personal issues I was telling you about.) They always give the best comments, and I could really use the pick me up. You’re the best Fly Guy. Please don’t stop what you’re doing.

(Here is a portion of the letter sent to me…)

Dear Fly Guy,

I am so frustrated. I have been married for 5 years. My husband and I have a 4 year old with another one on the way. Even though motherhood makes me happy, I am so miserable with him. If it weren’t for us having a family together, I honestly don’t think my husband and I would have anything to talk about. I’ve tried everything that I can think of, but I’m not even sure that he loves or even likes me anymore. Every day when he leaves for work, I’m so tempted to just pack up and leave. I never do it though, because I’m scared of starting over and being a single parent. Can you help me Fly Guy? I really need it.

Terry

The Fly Request:
So what are your thoughts? Terry has already heard from me, and now she wants to hear from you.

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  • http://chicknamedvick.blogspot.com Mogli

    Terry I think that you should talk to your husband about how you feel. I can understand wanting to keep your family together however remaining unhappy in your marriage is not going to be beneficial to your children. Kids pick up on that stuff no matter how much you try to hide it.

  • tonya622

    First and foremost, try to communicate with your husband on these issues. Also, don’t ever bad mouth or talk negatively of him in front of your 4 year old. Kids are very astute.

    My mother left my father when I was 1 year old. She picked up and left while he was working and she never looked back. It wasn’t easy but it was what was necessary. I grew up seeing my father on weekends and holidays, and overall, I had a pretty happy childhood.

    Your children will adjust, and so can you. Any kind of change can be scary. However, don’t let fear keep you in a bad situation.

  • http://www.ridegroupllc.com Demetrius Pinder

    Talk to him! If he doesn’t open up, do what you have to do to be happy.

  • Just A Thought

    I’m really curious as to why you got married in the first place. What were the things that drew you to him? What did you like about him when you guys were dating? What illusions did you have about marriage that, once the ink on the marriage license was dry, got destroyed by reality? Relationships change after marriage, but there had to be SOMETHING about this other person that made you want to pledge til death do you part.

    I don’t know if you guys do this, but maybe you need to have a mandatory date night. Or you can both pick up a mutual hobby and talk about that. From what’s posted here, there doesn’t seem to be any sort of abuse, so there is hope that you guys can work it out. I would suggest talking to your husband, being very clear that you are committed to the marriage, and then marital counseling.

  • Lamico aka LL

    First make your mind up and be honest with yourself as to what the type of marriage and life you wantlive. Staying for the kids will just make you even more miserable and resentful towards your husband and your distant actions will make him be resentful towards you. Children should grow up witnessing love and unity not love that is divided.You owe it to yourself to be happy and allow your children to be happy and your husband as well. Think to yourself first about it your intentions,things you want to change in your marriage, and if you really can find a resolution to it if your spouse is open minded enough to take part of some changes (you can’t do it alone) THEN after you went over it with yourself discuss it with your husband and go from there.

  • Ms. J

    I really think you should be open and honest with your husband, but with all of the frustrations of being married, being a mother, being so many other things to so many other people. . . Maybe you should get a babysitter and look into marriage counseling. It just seems that your husband is probably frustrated as well which is why he hasn’t come to you about your attitude. . .it could possibly be mutual. I definitely advocate getting a counselor to mediate and give you guys the balanced opinions of someone from the outside to help you channel back to what got you guys together in the first place. Worst case scenario, you guys don’t make it but you’ve had the arbitration to separate with dignity and civility.

    Although divorce hurts, a peaceful and amicable split is better for all parties involved (including your children). You never know, you guys just may be able to give you marriage a new start. Good luck to you, and please don’t be afraid of change. The stagnancy is to be feared, your frustrations coupled with yours husbands with have far more dangerous affects on you, him, and your children.

  • http://milly-o.blogspot.com/ Milly

    I would reccomend taking to him and a little marriage counseling never hurts.

    Good luck and stay blessed!

  • eclecticism

    As important as your happiness is, the most important thing is the children involved. No matter what happens, you are who you are. If you leave, you’ll have to start over. If you stay and don’t work on the relationship, you’ll be miserable but you’ll adjust. However, what happens in this relatioinship will help define the foundation of the character of your children. As a parent, your job is to raise them to be happy, positive, stable minded, self-sufficient adults. Seeing your parents in an unhealthy relationship will affect your ability to build healthy relationships.

    Clearly after 5 years you and your husband have grown and changed. The key is being honest with each other and continuing to do what’s in the best interest of the both of you. To make decisions and compromises that will keep both of you happy. A relationship requires constant maintenance. Express what you do and don’t like. Respect what your better half does and doesn’t like. As a person who thinks “for better or for worse” means just that, if you make a constant effort to make the worse better, things will be fine.

    If talking isn’t so easy at first try journaling and reading what the other wants or even counseling.

    I pray that God repairs your marriage and restores the happiness that you once had.

  • what?

    I suggest marriage counseling…U guys need a non-biased ear to hear both sides and come to a conclusion about what needs to happen ya’lls marriage.

  • http://www.flaglerhill.com blaze

    I agree with the comments about marriage counseling first and foremost. The ability to articulate and communicate your true inner insecurities directly to him may be difficult.

  • http://sleep-is-the-cousin-of-death.blogspot.com/ Tunde

    Have you tried counseling. I don’t think you should just pack up and leave until all options have been explored. Even then I think you should talk to him before you leave. I think its kind of harsh to pack and leave while he is at work.

  • misscoco

    Counceling is a very good idea but do realize there are some people who don’t want others in their business, or they just don’t want to be forced to hear someone else tell them they are wrong. You might want to try writting each other or e-mailing each other. Never know, it might help.

  • http://www.thejadednyer.net The Jaded NYer

    I used to BE Terry.

    I was so unhappy in my marriage, afraid to be a single parent, trying not to be a statistic, trying to keep it together for the babies… you name it.

    If she’s tried talking to him, getting marriage counseling and scheduling counseling for herself, and still feels there’s nothing to salvage, then she needs to end the marriage.

    We often think that our kids need a two-parent home, but what they really need is two parents who are happy. Sometimes that means that the parents need to not be together.

  • http://tsagrednerp.blogspot.com tsagrednerp

    Ensure you talk to your husband about your feelings. Don’t hold it in, let him know the issues affecting you. Listen to what he has to say because he may be having some issues of his own. Get some marriage counselling, this will help you both determine whther this marriage is working for both of you or if it’s best if you separate.

    Give it time. All your issues will be not be resolved in a day. Ensure that you give it a chance to work, make every effort to make it work. Don’t give up on what you have built. HTH. Good Luck.

  • Holii

    I HATE MY HUSBAND!!!!!! He is a control freak and I keep him around only for the kids I do not love him anymore and everything he does makes me sick….WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING !!!!!!!

  • Lonely A

    I agree with the lady who said that if u ain’t happy leave and that did sound so easy. it’d not because i haven’t been happy for a long time and i am still looking for the get-away-car to leave.

  • me

    I hate my husband so much. I hate him, I hate him, I hate him. I wish I could get away and never see him or deal with him again. I hate him. I hate him

  • NaturaLly Jay

    mind me asking why do you hate hime so much?

    What did he do that was so bad or the last straw..or what even built this “Hate”?
    I mean is he aware of how you feel? if he doesn’t then you need to put yourself in his shoes and see how you would feel to wake up one day and your loved one not there? and to your mind everything was ok. how would you react? i mean really is it fair that you would just tapp out ?WHy did you marry him in the first place and lasted so long now?

    your not givinng much meaning as to why you want to leave. it just sounds like your quiting just because. Just “I hate him” dont do to much. Think of the conversation:

    “Baby im going to leave.”
    “Ok honey when will you be back and where are you going?”
    “away from you and for good”
    “Why?”
    “Because I hate you !”
    “No really ?Why ?”
    “Just because i hate YOU!”
    “Well is it something i can work on ? something i did in the past? is it the way i fold clothes are something i dont get it i thought everything was ok i work i help out with the kids im there for you when you need me, im on call and will come anywhere at anytime if you asked me to i dont get it !?”
    “I JUST HATE YOU”

    Wow doesnt really help and that s*$& sucks !

    or Are you doing this for pleasure to see how many women would love to be in your shoes right now in the point of their life?

  • http://areyouagoodcatch.blogspot.com areyouagoodcatch

    It sound like your hubby has check out of your relationship. That doesn’t mean that there isn’t hope, it just mean that you have to find out why. Maybe he is overwhelm by the responsibilities and don’t know how to deal with it. Communication is the key… you must have been able to speak to him at one point, unless you wouldn’t have thought he was worth keeping.
    Think about how you use to communicate when things were great, try re-creating that. But the important thing is to find out why he has shut down. Seeing a counselor is a great idea, because it just seems there is so much more going on. If all else fails, you have to think about what is best for you and your children. Kids are very smart and they don’t miss much, so if your 4yr haven’t seen the tension between you two already, I can guarantee it won’t be long and it will affect the kids too.

    Good luck

  • http://areyouagoodcatch.blogspot.com areyouagoodcatch

    Hate is a very strong word… if you hate your husband, that means you have lost all respect for him. Being with him for the sake of the kids, can’t be a good thing, not you or the kids.

  • nicki

    my husband hates that i love my son so much and can’t handle the fact he gets less attention. He speaks to me like i’m his “hausfrau”, i am expected to work a good job, do all laundry, all chores when he gets home he expects me not to be angry when he wants to go drinking with his friends or random blokes he meets in the pub. i would never have married this man if i had known and i am staying with him for my sons sake. i hate this!

  • aj

    I know what you feel. I have felt like this many times. The worst part is that I keep this to myself this is the first time I comment on how I feel. No one knows how horrible he makes me feel. I have felt like crying to strangers because I feel so helpless. I never thought I would be the stupid girl to stick around yes my excuse my kids.

  • Anon

    I know if I came home and my wife left with the kids I would be pissed. I don’t care how miserable you are- you don’t take a man’s kids away from him, unless he’s being abusive or something. Maybe something’s wrong with you and you aren’t able to be happy regardless of the situation. Life isn’t happy all the time.

  • Stacy

    People don’t just hate their husbands. The most likely reason is because they don’t LISTEN. I work and come home, make dinner, clean, wash clothes and make sure the kids do their school work and have everything they need. Tomorrow I am going to the DMV to register my husband’s car. Do you think he appreciates any of it? Hell no! He wants to know why I’m not more affectionate when he comes home and hugs me from behind while I’m doing the dishes. Grab a towel and then maybe I’ll be more affectionate! Treat my family as good as I’m expected to treat yours, we’ll be closer to being even. I’m tired of giving and giving and giving and never receiving. I don’t want words, I want actions! Sad thing is, I’ve told my husband all of this, but like I said before….he doesn’t LISTEN!!!!

  • themisses

    You are right, men don’t listen. but women are blind.

    Women should get tubal ligations. Take care of the children you have but don’t bring more into the family. Don’t rely on bBirth control because it’s faulty. Making it permanent is not a sin, it’s a right.

    It is a rare husband whose mother has taught him “how” to make his wife happy. Maybe you can teach him but more than likely you will need the help of other christian women. And most likely they need help also.

    My best advice for now, Don’t forget to pray and read your scriptures. Have hope. Just don’t keep repeating the same mistakes. ( I am speaking from experience lol.)
    There is a God in heaven but he does expect us to have common sense. Write your goals down on paper. Talk to God every day. Remember he loves you. He loves your children. He loves the guys and wants them to do what’s right but he will not force them. And if that guy takes a swing at you, you had better jump out of the way because “you”, dear one, have to be the one to take actions to protect yourself .
    Your husband doesn’t love you, he loves himself. He probably thought marrying you would make himself happy and then he didn’t realize that it takes work to keep a wife happy.

    One last piece of advice. Don’t do the guilt trip thing. It doesn’t hurt them. It hurts you. So love yourself and good luck.

  • Ms.Tired

    I been with my husband for 10 years, married for 3 years, we had 3 boys, ages 8,5 and 2. I don’t love him anymore. He is emotionally and physically abusive. He disrespects me in front of our children. I been his back bone for 10 years. I never left his side. He’s cheated countless amounts of time, now I’m just finally tired of it all. We are both only 28 years old and I know its a big responsibility. But I really need a way out. I just don’t know how because I’m not financially able. That is my only reason for staying. If I had the money I would’ve left yesterday….I want out sooo bad.

  • Magali

    I have been with my husband for 4 years now we have 2 daughter together and i have never been happy because he was a controling a possesive man jeaoulosy. I met someone else over the internet 2 months ago and we were about to meet each other when my husband found out after that he makes everything posible to have me back i was so resent with him and he wins i stop talking to the other guy and he was the perfect man like for a week after that he started ignoring me and all the old vicious cycle its slowly coming back i feel so bad for giving him another chance i dont know how to gbet out of thi relationship i feel hurt and sad because i really tough we will be happy but it wasnt the case i have tried look for jobs but its been hard for the lack of babysitting and because i have never work before im sctuck here forever or until someone came and save me.

  • Ms. Avon

    I hate my husband so much. Know why? He is the most annoyed person that I’ve ever met in my whole life. He likes to argue and preach and won’t leave me alone if I’m mad or upset. He follows me everywhere I go from bedroom to bathroom to bitch me. Such a nagger! I cant believe he’s a guy that talks too much. It’s just too much blah blah blah…cant stand it anymore. I want to go away and just walkout from his life but I’m so hurt because we have two young children. Btw he is a good provider. He also bitches his Mom and poor Mom she’s 82 yrs old and it drives her crazy. He has a sick mind maybe too much stress from work and he wouldnt accept it. He thinks he is always right. and he has a bad childhood. that’s why he’s acting this way???

  • kblar

    Tired, I just left my verbally and emotionally abusive husband of 6 years. I applied for section 8 housing, got on food stamps and medicaid, and we are starting over. It is the best decision I ever made, and there IS help out there. Take advantage of what the governemnt can offer. Seek out help from your county’s Advocates. Once you are outside our husband’s home, you are condsidered on your own, and you can get government help. Just to get back on your feet, ya know!

  • http://www.from32b.wordpress.com Denisha

    @Ms. Avon Wow! He must have been a nagger before you two got married. A guy told me that men don’t do a good job at hiding their true colors from day one. It was simple but true advice.

  • MS. OMG

    So I feeling all of you ladies except. I think that I may be going through depression or maybe I am bipolar. I hate my marriage not really my husband just my marriage. I got married because I just wanted to be married. We have absolutely NOTHING in common but I listened to that stupid saying that opposites attract…yeah they may atract but if you have nothing in common the attraction will weaken. I see him sometimes and think “WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS I THINKiNG..I CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER.”
    Well he didn’t finish highschool and is a Janitor…I am a Professional in hte healthcare industry. I currently told hm that I wanted to get a Masters and he was against it because of money yet he took out a $9,000 high interest loan when I was pregnant with my son. I support him in everything..I even told him that I would take the GED for him so that he could try to get a better job. I just told him about a new job with the state that would add an extra 10,000 to my yearly salary and he oesn’t want me to apply because I will have to travel 5 percent of the time wher now I just work from home exclusively. I feel that he wants to control me by stopping any advancement possible. HE has been telling me how he wants a nother baby but doesn’t help with the one we have now. Refuses to watch him half the time and the bad part is that he begged me for a child. I am 5 years younger than him and just feel that I can do better. He comes home from work and goes straight into his man room. I bare;ly see him, unless he wants sex. We just went out to eat as a family for the fist time, last weekend and my son is 22 months. So SAD. Ask me when is the last time we went out on a date…well about 18 months ago. “WHY DID I GET MARRIED?” HELP ME

  • Stephanie Silva

    My husband and I have been together for 15 years, married for 4 (I have been with him since I was 15)
    We just recently had a little girl who is 10 months and built a new home together 2 years ago. My marriage in my words “SUCKS” he is always talking about how much he contributes around the house (money wise) of course my income has decreased I am on Maternity benefits, when he does this it makes me feel useless, I have an awesome job to return to and make good money, but the thing is, our mortgage is close to $400,00. The home was built by him, the way he wanted it, he didn’t even give the chance to look at other property’s, it had to be brand new. So I went along with it and to be honest I can not afford all the little extras. Everything in this marriage just seems to be what he wants, call me a baby, but that is the way it is, snowmobiles, riding lawnmowers, Quads, he has it all, but that’s because he says he pays for it and works hard. Since I have had my daughter in 2009 I have been home with her 24/7 I love her to death, but I feel as though I need some me time, my husband has been going north bound approx every other weekend, to help his father with his cottage, and to do some recreational activities and I am home with our child. Coming up in March is my 30th birthday, for the past few years I have mentioned how much I would love a party, I know he is not planning anything for me and feel very crushed, when we got engaged It was because I gave him the altimatum, I always have to ask him to do nice things for me, he never just has the thoughfulness to do it for me. I am sick and tired of everything in this relationship being about him for once I want it to be about me, I feel as though I am an extraordinary wife, mother and friend. I just want to be appreciated. Because of his lack of affection and thoutfullness, I have become extremely unhappy and in the process of seeking seperation.

  • Jennifer

    I can top all the stories about men who don’t listen. For my 40th BD, (which was Christmas eve), my husband got me a pair of driving gloves and an air freshener for my jeep. No joke. On top of that, he comes home and sleeps until 7, when I”M the one getting the kids to bed. He smokes way to much, he smells like an ashtray. We have tried counseling twice, tried talking, but he won’t LISTEN. It’s easy to say “well why’d you get married in the first place”. These things don’t happen over night. I’ve tried talking to him. In his words, I’m nagging. Well maybe I am, but if he’d finish one of the 50 projects he’s started around the house, and wouldn’t sleep so much, there would be nothing to NAG about. I truly cannot stand the man. I am so on the verge of filing for divorce. I’ve spoken to a lawyer and took some financial steps. I am just so worried for my kids. Again, it’s easy to say, they’ll be fine. I’m sure they will, eventually…But what about in the meantime???

  • Happy2bfree

    I have been with my husband for thirteen years and married eight years. We have two children 12 and 6. He has been verbally, emotionally, abusive and possessive over me. He said he would get counseling and change for the sake of keeping his family together. It never happen. I thought about leaving him for years but was scared to start all over again. When I started my career I became more independent. One day I went out with my coworkers and had a good time until I came home to a nightmare from hell. He hit me and cuss me out for going out. I decided to leave that summer to another state to see if would be better if we just seperate. He thinks I’m not permanently working and need his help. I never told him I found a job. After a few months of living in another state with my kids it when I realize I was more happy than ever. I went from 104lbs at 5’7 to a 145lbs. I haven’t been this happy in a long time. I am finally fiing for divorce at his request. I never knew it was gonna end this peacefully. It was a plan God help me to put together. Thank you Lord

  • wifeandmother

    I feel the same way about my husband. He just never listens to me and never takes the time to spend with me to try fix anything. He is alway’s in such a rush, and anytime I try to talk to him it end’s in a fight, I just can’t take it anymore. But like the other girl’s have said, I am very scared of starting out again alone with the kids, especially as we have been together for so so long and we have built a life together. My husband is very childish and never listens to me, it just drives me crazy. He will shout and swear at me when he is frustrated and I hate that. I have how fast he drives with me and the kids in the car. My husband doesn’t slow down around the corners and he just speeds everywhere, it makes me nervous and stressed and when I ask him to slow down he get’s angry, he may even suddenly break at times just to piss me off. He will even slow down to a snales pace and say “is that slow enough for you?” he just has no respect for anything I ask of him. In the end he just wants me to drive, and I really feel like crying because when I do, he will then purposely berade me and tell me I’m driveing too fast, when actually I’m drivening just under the speed limit, knowere near as fast as he drive. Also his response to me asking for him to just drive a little slower is “I’m not drivieng like a granny!” , He just doesn’t understand, and I think that I am loosing all love I had for him. He tell’s me constantly that he loves me, and so on, but it really makes me angry to hear him say that, because if he meant it he would talk thing’s through with me so we can come to a comprimise and just work thing’s out, but he is too stuburn, pigheaded and just down right immature, although he is 33!. Marriage is suppose to be about the both of us, and if he has to slow down in the car slightly so I feel more comfortable then why is that too much to ask? I even have nightmares about him slideing of the edge of a clift or bridge, but he doesn’t care, he just say’s I’m a nag. He will start yelling at me, so then I have to raise my voice so he can hear me and then all the sudden I’m the one yelling and it’s all my fault. I also hate it when my husband fights with me in front of the kids or get’s me so upset deliberatly then walks away from me smileing!? what the?. How am I suppose to handle all this? he also swear’s at me when he is mad and I just can’t take any kind of name calling whatsoeva. I havw tlaked abotu this with him several tiems and he promised me he wodul try not to swear anymore, but yeh as you guessed, no change. I deserve so much better, but what can I do? anyone got any magic potion?

  • unhappilywed

    I am 17 and married to a 25 year old. we have a 2month old daughter. i hate my husband. i want to leave but i’ mtoo attached to do so. when w emet he ha djust left prison and we starte dout doing a lots of drugs and such. weve been together for about a year and i want out. he thinks he doe sso much just cause he works. i take care of the baby and the house and get no credit. hes an alcoholic and constantly looks at porn. he never takes me out or buys me anything. like seriously. he does enough to keep me alive and thats it. i mso unhappy and just want to go back and never meet him but i cant. what do i do?..

  • Stephanie Silva

    Dear Unhappily Wed,
    When I read your post, I was shocked to learn you are only 17, My god girl, you have your entire life ahead of you. You are so young to be so unhappy. About 4 years ago my sister left her husband of 10 years, he was also and still is very additicted to drugs. She has two children with this man, and at the time she fled, she thought it was the worst thing in the world and she didn’t know how she was going to survive. She never worked because her ex didn’t want her too, he was the main provider with control over everything. Like I said that was 4 years ago. She moved closer to home where her family lives, got a full time job and met a new man, she now has a full time job providing for her and her family, and has a new son who is now going to be two. She is soo happy that she left and wonder’s why she didn’t do this sooner. Her ex husband is still addicted to drugs moving from place to place and has nothing to do with his children. I often remind her of where she might be today if she didn’t leave. I guess the point I am trying to make is that you are so young, now is the time to get out. In the future you will look back and thank god that you made that decision. By reading your post it sounds like your husband needs some major counselling, for drug and alchol additction, if he’s not willing to do this for you and his child than he’s not worth the work for. Get out while you can before it’s too late. Hopefully you have supportive family and friends, because these are the ppl to lean on at this time. I hope you make the right decisions, if not for yourself do it for your child. Children are sponges and it sounds as if this is not the proper environment to be raising a little one. Again you are soooo young and have so much life to look forward too. Good Luck in your future endeavors.

  • Sarah Hernandez

    My husband is from Mexico & has been here in the U.S. for 16yrs. I married him six years ago & loved him deeply. We have two children now ages one & three. My love towards him has practicaly went away. I must say that he is the most excellent loving father who would do anything for his children. However, about three years ago I started resenting him when we started to argue daily about everthing under the sun! I think one of the biggest issues is that he speaks english very poorly. Yes, when i married him he was not able to speak english very well but I assumed eventually he would learn! He says that his english is fine & that everyone else can understand him but that is not true cause I have to be the translator for other people. Anyway, its really taking a toll on our ability to communicate with one another. At times it can be quiet commical but I am not able to have “adult level” conversations with him. He also has high anxiety & stresses & complains about everything. He decides to ‘opt out’ on any family activities such as picknics, cookouts, parks, etc. saying that he has too much to do. When he does come he wants to know how long were going to stay before we even get there & sets a time limit such as an hour & a half tops. I always feel rushed by his stress and nerves. One of the other things is that I feel a little embarrased by him. I know its terrible that I feel this way but I have to remind him on a daily bases to bathe, and brush his teeth. He refuses to cut his hair and often looks like a cave man. LOL. Me, on the other hand, im the extreme opposite. I take pride in taking care of myself & looking good. I frequently get commits from both men & women asking me how we ever ended up together with him being so unattractive & me attractive. When I ask him if he brushed his teeth today or put deoderant on he just gets offended & says im being a bitch & that I treat him badly. Of couse the list goes on & on & we have frequent conversation about the way we behave towards each other but my negative feeling about our marraige keep growing stronger & stronger. People tell me that once you hit that 5 yr. mark in your marraige that those lovey dovey feelings go away. So my question is am I just being a bitch & feeling that I should leave my husband or should I stay & push past those feelings by putting my ‘big girl’ panties on & tough it out & take it for what it is?

  • LaughingEyes

    @sarah Hernandez:
    babygirl! i have been there before(the language thing):
    1. the language thing is a problem. you knew that very early in the relationship because there was an errand he said he would do for you and did not, a scheduled date that only one of you showed up for, the endless benefit of the doubt that develops into annoyance that is denied before it can develop into anger and hurt- which it trully is. Forget about talking at an intimate level and being understood. you have to underestimate their “level of intelligence” because regardless of their education, the delivery is flawed!LOL.
    2. the attractiveness thing: this is precisely the case where you learnt to like what you have and not have what you like.
    Such is love: a decision. recommit yourself to him daily, hourly. its still there in the moments!

  • Adriii

    Learn Spanish. Es muy similar a ingles y puedes aprender rapidamente. (It’s very similar to English and you can learn very quickly.)

  • Chip

    I married my husband who is 12 years older than I am, more out of pity and guilt, than anything else. He was my boyfriend for several years before we got married. I’ve always been financially independent and I would consider my career to be much more stable than his. I even pay for the mortgage of the house we’re living in, which I bought before we got married. He doesn’t help me out with any house work or remodel payments. He also makes very decent money but he does not want to spend for his kids or me. Siince our mortgage is quite big, I had to tell him that he should pay for our children’s schooling–otherwise, I’m better off having somebody just rent out a room in our house. In addition to that he could be verbally abusive and very unreasonable especially if it pertains to his family. He is still very attached to his family who is actually living in a house that he bought when he was single ( mortgage in that house is about 60% less than the house we’re living in). One time, he asked me for divorce just because I told him to leave early if they are going to visit his parents. He is selfish and I do not think he respects me nor my family. He argues or yell at me in front of my parents but he act really nice when we are in front of his family or if he needs help from me– he’s not the fast one when it comes to technicalities or technology. I am trying real hard to look for a second livelihood like business on the side since I want to separate from him when the kids are a bit older. He has told me before that if we divorce, he will not provide the kids (ages 1 and 3) with any financial support and they could just stay with me. I do not think marriage counseling would work out since I have discussed it with him before and he got really mad and told me that there is nothing wrong with him nor our relationship.

  • corinna gonza;ez

    I also hate my husband….i have known him since i was 18yrs old now im 33yrs and we have three daughters 13,11,4 got married 2 yrs ago because we got saved and he really wanted to..omg what did i do?? i really despise him because he doesn’t keep a job,he always on my kids about dumb things, i don’t have fun with him because he’s boring and he doesn’t like anything…yeah i know what your thinking…dumb. im always happy when im home with my kids but when he gets there darkness comes..i feel so alive when he’s not around i am a very outgoing person and love to have fun…we r so different i want to move and get a house where i could go home and have peace..i love to have my house clean and organized and all he does is make a mess and doesn’t care…i really want to have a good life and i feel i can’t with him. i feel so down here….i have a job going strong for 9yrs @ a finance but lately i have been so sad i miss because i don’t want to go and i know depression is getting me..i don’t want to lose my job but i feel so stress @ home i can’t focus…pls i need advice

  • Jaime

    I have been married since 2008, and I know i love my husband because i havent killed him yet, (lol) but i am very unhappy. i feel he is extremely controlling, and he is also extremely sensitive. he constantly thinks that everything i say is an attack against him, and i have no clue what he is talking about! i am a pot smoker. im not a stupid stoner, but i enjoy a good toke. he has repressed me with treating me like a disease until i gave in. its been like 2 months since i smoked. i am really resenting him. if i dont do what he wants, the consequences are unrealistically heavy. not just with pot. with everything in our lives. thats not the half of our trouble though. he expecs me to do everything, while he hasnt had a job in over a year. he comes up with money through his odd jobs, but its not anywhere close to enough. while i have to do the same, and do the laundry, dishes and everything else home invovled. he treats me like he cant even stand to look at me, and when i ask him whats wrong or approach it any other way, he says im nuts, its all in my head, its me. so not only is he a jerk, he tried to make it seem like im losing my mind! well, i AM losing my mind. lately my resentment has grown so much stronger, i cringe when he walks into the room. i think i might hate him. i certainly dont entertain thoughts of merder, but i really cant fight these feelings. i cant stand to even talk to him right now. and before every1 says tell him how you really feel, i have. i am a realist. i am known for bieng very open and blunt. i have tried it that way, tried sugar coating, strokng his stupid ego, ive given in totally, and given full resistance. nothing. i feel like he is regressing. he wasnt like this a yr ago….any suggestions before i totally bail?

  • Jaime

    ummm, thats murder* not merder haha

  • Jaime

    and sorry, forgot to mention, im sure this will factor in to your advice…im 23 and my husband is 36. and before anyone thinks it, im not a gold digger! we are both broke! haha

  • Kim

    you need to end that relationship! duh its not the end of the world your young beautiful life has so much to offer for you than that loser! just as they say for men it has plenty fish in the sea. Women it have plenty snakes in the grass1 start over enjoy b4 relationships have friends years or know the person good b4 getting together!!!!!!!make something good for your self! i wish i was in your shoes to get thiis advice now!

  • Allison

    My husband and I have been together for a little over three years, we have a beautiful 5 month old baby girl. He works and I am a stay at home mom. I feel very blessed to be able to raise my baby without daycare and such. The problem is my husband and I never agree about ANYTHING…when we were dating it started as friendly debating and such. Now it just annoys me. Everything is a fight, usually that ends in yelling and cursing, sometimes in front of the baby. That kills me. I don’t think I’m very much in love with him and if he said he was leaving tomorrow and not coming home I wouldn’t really be that sad. Mostly relieved that I wouldn’t have to fight about stupid crap anymore! I don’t want to leave him but I don’t want our little girl to realize mommy and daddy don’t get along. How can I learn to deal with him and be happy too?

  • shinymama

    I hate my husband. He is the worst husband in the entire world. He is unemployed, an alcoholic, and very mean to me. When I married him 8 years ago he was super sweet. Something happened and he turned mean. He insults me constantly, puts me down, and turns everything into a fight. We have a 5 month old baby who is the light of my life and if it weren’t for the baby I would get a divorce immediately. There is no “talking” to this man… he is unable to communicate. I try to talk to him about our relationship and I approach it in a very sweet, gentle way and choose my words very carefully… but no matter what, he reacts in an angry and hostile way, becomes totally defensive, disagreeable and oppositional. He turns everything around so that everything is my fault and I am a horrible monster, even though I work, pay all the bills, do all the housework,and most of the childcare, while he lies around watching TV, then he goes to the bar and drinks beer all night, every night. If I ask him to do one little thing like do the dishes he gets pissed off and calls me a nag. There is no saving this marriage, he is never going to change, he is a completely un-evolved, irresponsible, immature boy who can’t get or keep a job. He provides me with absolutely nothing…. no money, no love, no affection, no companionship, no household help. NOTHING. See? THE WORST HUSBAND IN THE WORLD! Now why don’t I leave him? Thats what I want more than anything in the entire world… I know our horrible relationship is damaging for our child and that if we split up, it would actually be healthier for our child. But the problem is, he is unable to support himself financially, and he cannot function independently in the world. He relies on me for absolutely everything, like a child. He has not one penny. He has been unemployed for 2 years… never looks for work… has no skills…. gets fired from every job. If I kicked him out, he would basically be homeless. Normally I wouldn’t care, I would just kick him out and never see him again and let him fend for himself. The problem is I don’t want my son’s father to be homeless. There would be no way for us to share custody… how would my husband take the baby for the weekend, if he lives on the street? This is my horrendous problem. I can’t see a way out, and I am miserable, and I am terrified for the well-being of my precious, amazing, beautiful baby. Somebody help me.

  • Mitzy

    He will not be homeless………..if he doesn’t have you (mommy) to take care of him. He will have to learn to take care of himself. It might be different if he did anything to balance the responsibilities or made some contribution, but from what you say he doesn’t.

    He sounds like he would sell his parential rights in a minute, but then he might need this “nest pushing out” momentum to make something of himself, at any rate you cannont be responsible for an immature, and irresponsible jerks decisions. Nor should your kids, and he will make your kids responsible to him and for him against you when they get older.

    This man needs a “caretaker” not a wife. You owe it to yourself and children to stop “enabling” his taking total advantage of you. IT WILL NOT GET BETTER but worse as time goes on and he can get away with this “teenage” lifestyle. Do you want your own children turned against you, as I feel he is just the type to manipulate anyone and everyone in order to support his lazy ways. I know, I have seen them in action. Think long and hard, as him being homeless is your least concern right now. I think he will have to have a home for them to visit…….otherwise not your problem. Document everything, you have done and his behavior……only with documentation can you hope to keep your kids from HAVING to visit him in some alley. Good luck

  • notsurewhattodo

    Hi I am 20 and married to my husband for 1 year and I totally dislike the man. When I met him he lied to me about his whole persona and I knew it!! Dumb right and I stayed with him. We wanted to get married so we set a date and then I found out I was pregnant. I was still in High School and I got married. I ended up graduating early which im proud about but I missed a lot of stuff like prom and walking the stage and clubbing….cutting down to the subject. He gets in these spouts on how I never give up anything for him and that I am the one always at fault. I don’t work because HE doesn’t want me to because I am taking away his “duties as a father and husband” but yet when he gets mad at me he tells me to get a damn job. I am taking care of our son who is 10 months old and he is my whole world. I don’t get any assistance with taking care of him from his father thats for sure. He has gone through 7 jobs since we have been together and we have been together for 3 years. He never let me handle expenses because ” I don’t know how since I never had a job!” but thats bull. Come to find out he has pocketed money for our car payment to eat out and spend bill money on clothes for himself!! He always puts his parents before me and our son for example: We got a big snow storm and got snowed in our house.. couldn’t even open the door!! I called him the next day (he worked night shift at the time) and asked him where he was and he was shoveling snow at his parents house and said he wanted to make sure they were ok!! They are in there early 40′s!! please!! I was so mad and when I told him that we should come first he shrugged me off and asked why i didn’t get my a** out there and shovel it myself……um da can’t open the door. He is now on his 8th job and we live with guess who his parents!!!! Who I dislike also. They try and raise my son like he is theirs. I want out of this relationship so bad, but he wont let me leave he said he would call the police for kidnapping, he isn’t physically abusive but how do I compete with that? I don’t love him anymore, I can’t stand it when he touches me, all he asks for is sex and then complains all the time to his whole family that I never give him any! I don’t want to have any connection to him anymore. His family also makes me want to move as far away as possible so I never have to deal with them again. I thought that he would change but I can see that he won’t. I don’t know what to do he is manipulative and negative in every way possible!!! Help!!! I need some words of advice!

  • Sarah Hernandez

    Dear Laughing eyes, I want to thank you for your advise. Since posting my comment I have decided to do some ‘soul searching’ within myself. I do my best to try & see all the wonderful things my husband does & try to overlook the things I do not like about him. It is starting to get easier but at times it can be very difficult. But i am up for the challenge and my new goal is to overcome these negative feelings toward my husband & love & charish him for who he is flaws & all.

  • Mia

    Hey notsurewhattodo,
    For a long time, my man was like that also. He wanted to be the provider, but if we got behind he’d yell at me about getting a job. He and I didn’t want to day care our kids, so I stayed home w/them while he worked and gambled away a ton of money. Now, I have had it! I lived for 13 years like you, exactly the same threats and all. Now, I am almost finished w/college (which he never wanted me to go to ofcourse), and he finally couldn’t stand it anymore and he left me! I am so relieved. Make a decision on what you want to do (like nursing? get a job somewhere that’ll pay for your tuition or get financial aid by calling a college that you want to attend), and just get yourself educated and do it!
    You know, while he is at work, and the baby is napping, you can be on-line taking on-line college courses. There are many credible universities that have full on-line programs, some half and half. Check them out. He never has to know. You can have your mail go to someplace else, a friends etc…
    Make sure that you also get advice from a few lawyers…take advantage of free consults.
    Don’t let your life pass you by w/his threats. They are signs of his own issues within his mind…seriously, he sounds bi polar.

  • Alone

    Alone
    I dont hate him completely but at times he is the most unfavourable guy i want to see,we have been married since 3.5 years and have a 2 year old daughter,i stay at home all the time because we decided not to send our daughter to a daycare but now he contantly blames me that i sit at home all the time and do nothing,every night he says you will sleep all day tomorrow but i have to wake-up early in the morning for job and when i talk to him about sending our child to day care he totally refuse it.we live in U.S but our families lives in other country last year when i went to visit my parents he and his family didt allow me to saty at my parents house,he never called me there not even once,but he send me e-mails that i better saty in his house.I dont have any friends here and i feel like my marriage is a disaster,i tried to talk to him a lot of times but he always refuse to talk because he is always too tired,i so want to go on vacation with him because since we got married we never go anywhere together but he totally refused…i dont want to leave him please tell me something so that i can make him love me.

  • Sandrea

    Wow are we All married to the same man or is this batch just messed up

  • KIM

    I think every wife/mother feels that way somtimes but you have to think long term. Our children really need us to be there for them as a parental unit. However, i don’t think people should stay together just for the sake of the children because we, as couples, show them how love really works. I just know that my mother must have wanted to leave my father several times (although she never showed it). But marriage is a commitment that cannot be taken lightly when there are children involved. Just remember that you will have good days and bad days and it’s hard when the kids are little, but things will hopefully get better!

  • kim

    Men get frustrated when they are not able to provide in the way they want to. And they need to vent – somtimes they will yell. You typically take out your frustrations on the ones who are closest to you…i.e., your spouse.

    Try to calm the situation down and ask him why he is feeling this way. Is he frustrated with the way his life is going and that he is unable to make the money he needs to provide for his family? Many men are taught by their fathers that this is their “job” and they feel like a failure if unable to do so. They realize they can’t do it alone and will voice their concerns to the spouse by yelling at them for not working, but when calming down…sometimes the amount you pay for daycare expense does not justify a woman taking on a full time job. It’s a give-and-take situation and most men are jealous of the fact that the woman is able to stay at home, yet they would not have the patience to care for a child 24-7. Being a home maker is the hardest job in the world. I only believe a man has the right to complain if the woman is not keeping the house clean. If they are not keeping up with the house, it’s sheer laziness.

  • WORRIEDBODY

    IM AN ABUSIVE HUSBAND,THAT NEVER RELIZED IT IM NOW DEALING WITH COPD/ASTHUMA AND MY WIFE OF 25YEARS DONT LOVE ME OR CARE FOR ME!
    SHE FEELS IM LIKE A STRANGER ON THE STREET AND DOESNT WANT ME IN HER LIFE! I HAVE TO LEAVE MY HOUSE AND COLLEDGE KIDS
    IM TRULY SORRY FOR WHAT I DONE! WHAT DO I DO OR HOW CAN I GET HER BACK!
    SHE SAYS SHE LOST THE LOVE FOREVE!

  • SEXY4U

     i hate my fucking husband. He is just a Manipulative, selfish controlling bastard. He humilliates me and compares me always with his exes all the time. I HATE HIM

  • messnyc

    sounds exactly like my life I have an 18 month old and am from Europe my husband has been abusive and apart from daily phone calls to my mother I feel so alone, the house is usually spotless but recently I’ve lost motivation and have been doing the minimum, I think I’m depressed and I dont believe in wasting time being sad, I just need a break, a decent nights sleep, coffee with a sympathetic ear, I have no one here – my husband didn’t work from aug 2008 – may 2011 and I paid the bills, he also went to school, he is 15 years older than me – now he’s working 6 days in a managers job and resents being so tired saying im lazy, picking on problems that dont really exist like saying the toilet is filthy when it’s not. I was his boss when I met him and the pregnancy wasn’t planned but I thank God everyday for my son. I mean I never presented myself as a domestic type I’m not, but I try and take good care of my son, hes clean, well fed and we do fun activities everyday outside of the house.My husband’s mother is a good housewife, a traditional hardworker Spanish woman – she is very smart but worked as a cleaner due to lack of English – my parents worked as navy/teacher and invested lots in my education, we come from very different places but that shouldn’t matter. He forgets the years of finacial support I provided every piece of furrniture and toy was purchased by me, his suits for his job I bought, I wrote his resumes and cover letters and arranged interviews pretending to be him via email, it was a lot of work sifting through job postings nightly. He’s quick to forget and cornered me holding the baby’s high chair over my head tonight after thowing a plastic bowl at my head from a distance – all because I replied tohis complaints about how useless I am and didn’t shut the fuck up as commanded. We don’t have sex because I need to loose 40lbs and he’s not interested – can’t blame him though, I’ve got to get myself back to how I was. It’s just a big mess and I have my second greencard renewal app coming up so feel forced tp stay at least until thats secured, as my son has a US passport so it’s vital I remain legal resident. I feel it’s such a mess and the bad things I said, they’re just the tip of the iceburg.

  • messnyc

    Well Im married to a daily weed smoker and  after 2.5 years unemployed he now has a job because I made his resume, cover letter and wrote to all the job listings for him, whilst he wasn’t working he spent a year smoking weed followed by 18 months at school on a course I found for him, he is 44 I am 28. I provided everything financially for us and our son whilst he was out of work – and I provided a nice lifestyle flat screen tv, new washing machine, beautiful baby gear etc. Because of the weed his moods are exaggerated and he can’t handle the stresses of everyday life like normal people, a small problem really stresses him out and he explodes over nothing  the only time he’s calm and happy is alone smoking. As someone that knows what it’s like to live with a smoker all I can say is that as a mother you have no right to smoke marijuana on a regular basis, that is not good parenting and means you’re functioning on a sub-optimal intellectual level, and your motivation levels are lowered which is the last thing you need since you’re both unemployed. Now if you had jobs and money coming in, if you must smoking once a week, at a party, whenn the baby is with a sitter is acceptable  in the same way two glasses of wine are…but you shouldn’t be smoking a lot, just like you shouldn’t drink daily or get wasted regularly.  I’m sure your husband has his flaws, he’s not working for one but before you criticize him you got to give up the weed, a mother wanting to smoke weed regularly is a bum and a bad mother – FACT. My husband is so absent minded because of daily smoking for years he misplaces/looses things so much, overlooks things so much – eg he leaves safe unlocked at work, takes my keys, has been known to leave gas on, I wouldn’t be happy leaving my son home with him while I worked  because he’d be too tempted to have a cheeky smoke and is arrogant enough to believe he’s fully in control regardless. There is no room for errors with mischievous toddlers involved- you have to watch them at all time.

  • messnyc

    sounds like my relationship – how are things now?

  • messnyc

    I’m married to a Dominicano, how do you not speak Spanish marrying a Mexican that doesn’t speak English well? I know some wonderful Mexicans and have worked with a lot over the years but when it comes to a relationship it’s a very machismo culture, Spanish general is, same with Dominicans possibly even more so with Mexicans – woman cook clean and take care of kids, man provide and if it’s not like that an explosion occurs, I experience this is my marriage. Good Luck.

  • messnyc

    my husband does the same but he doesn’t drive but he j walks with the stroller all the time, it gets me so worried and pissed, he yanked my wrist and punched me in the back in public once over it. I have nightmares about my son and him getting into an accident whenver theyre out for a short walk because he’s so stupid about road safety and bullsih. He doesn’t even have a drivers licence where as Ive had one since age 17 and I think that makes him feel inferior and gives him more reason to ignore my pleas to take care. We are married to loosers.

  • messnyc

    how are things now, I’m in a similar marriage was my husbands boss when I met him, supported our family through 3 years of his unemployment sent him to school, got him his current job, support him heavily with in – I have to be all in his business, I even pack his bag in the morning. I am a SAHM for now and all I get is abuse from him verbal and at times it has been physical. No dates no birthday gifts no conversations even, when hes not working he wants to smoke, be alone, be high, and withdraw no conversations permitted before or after weed or ever. Meanwhile I don’t drink smoke or do drugs, I had my fun before becoming a mom and am always fully alert 24/7 watching our son, I never escape by being out of it… I wouldn;t want to but I would like kudos for what Ive done for him and do, and a break.

  • amc

    wow, that sounds EXACTLY like my situation! im still looking for a way out. i have no job, same reasons as you and i have no money so i cant just leave. i dunno what to even do. :(

  • Kleolark

    Why are you telling at us in caps?

  • Kleolark

    stay at a shelter.  The female support in a shelter will be better than the abuse at home.  For you and your children.

  • Kleolark

    amen

  • Lexchick2010

    This is my life! Even down to the hugging from behind while I clean up. Are you sure your husband was not a twin separated at birth? 

  • Chewbacca

    Hmmm. I got here from a “I hate my life page”… Well I am a straight man. I can speak for a few. Sometimes when we go to work, we pay the bills, and do all this it usually means we are paying the bills so you have food in your stomach, a roof over your head, and clean clothes on your body. I don’t understand what happened to the understanding that men, like myself and physical lovers. If we can show you in form that we care, we are showing love. We typically don’t cheat on our women, we may lust for a woman and think about doing it with her. But we know we got our one and only there to support us. Are you a stay at home mom? Male: MIND: You getta lounge around all day, and put your measly disablity check into the pile. Or ss. whats with the man bash. Hate us that much go get a woman. See how long that lasts.

  • ChewBacca… Again

    Try getting a job. Tell him its not the fuckin 18th century. I think thats how I have been a little in my life, I go through jobs like their candy, all because, and I don’t notice but, I have a problem with telling people the truth. If  they are an asshole I tell them. I feel like flipping the world the bird. I was a bit manipulative in our relationship, I was concentrating only on her, and not really myself. Or I would put my wants before my needs. Now I am having a shit storm trying to get a job. I had one for about 8 months got medical leave wanted to come back and they said no. My job was great, they didnt even report my taxes to the IRS. Which means they stole my money. I am 20 years old. In a dead end life. I have the most beautiful girl in my life. But I cant seem to get my life straight. I am so lost in this world. You cant make it on a 7.25 and hour job. You cant even pay for college with it. It actually sounds like you should get a job. Live there. let them be free baby sitters. Get a better job than his. This is matt. From knoxville TN saying hope is out there. And may the force be with you. Nerdom out!

  • Han solo/Chewy

    3rd reply…long shot over a year ago but a little piece of advice… We “men”… We are very visual lovers, does he do manual labor? That deserves quality time. I know what you mean listen to me and you will receive. See we are difficult. Not only are we 2% retarded were also 97% deaf. We hear words and phrases like. Sex now, are you horny baby, and the infamous…”Im so wet” besides that I just think that you don’t hate him. you hate how he is, and what he doesn’t do. Maybe he prematurly ejaculates.. who nos. just face him and tell him. That affection doesn’t come with a ring. You have to work for it. Around the house, with the kids, be a dad. And most of all help me. thats what Id say if i had a vagina and a husband but i dont.. Hail to the V….

  • Chewbacka

    He had something happen to him. He saw the world on fire, and gave up hope. Wheres the hope if the world is fucking itself over? Im a bitter sweet person. I am nice and naughty. I think that he was mistreated by someone. That he wants something he can never have. Or screwed up his past and is depressed. Just have a down to earth conversation with him. Be sure to have 911 already to go punch in the cell phone. Dont press send untill he hits you.

  • Chewbacca

    We would do the things we say… But we are just lazy. Give him a chance. Say Its you getting your life on track. Or Me winning the court case over who gets the kids. Now sit down. Have a man to man. Its when you suck up your pride and tell them whats really on your mind. Again. you should schedule the counseling.

  • Matthew09009

    Be happy you have a roof over your head that you dont live in a Holiday inn. Also kjdfj;l.. yea he should be more thoughtful. I remember everything mine wants. I am going to give it to her even if it takes a while. Imprint that you want your anniversary to be special. Do something. I know if we get married. I just want to make her happy.I wish she knew how much I love her. I make her her favorite muffins, cook all the time, I write her little notes so when I am away she might find them and think of me. I always find myself wanting the best for her. Till i give up on myself. I get too indulged in making her life simple that mine is so difficult to live. I think that if he isn’t beating you then your fine. At least he isn’t an abuser. It changes when you go the next step. Honestly the love for you has stay the same. The cares for your shoes you buy when he isnt looking all the little things you take for granted add up. Its money that helps us live comfortable. Money does buy happiness. Its bullshit to say it doesnt’ It buys food so you dont starve. It buys heat so you dont freezze , it buys condoms, so you dont have another accident like me. :) Your life is good you just dont realize it. 7/31/2011 Mathius Mastin Knoxville, TN

  • Han Solo

    Religion is always out there it helps some. Some it doesn’t.

    Honestly.

    God doesn’t intervene.

    We do it ourselves.

    Like when we are terminally ill and suddenly pull through.

    Our bodies have a function to rid it of all impurities. But its hard to access unless you have a connection with your loved ones…        

    Crazy talk to a christian.

  • Master Jedi Yoda

    Show her you really care. Show her that you can change, show your kids love, dont get angry as bad at them, but dont spoil them. Show her that you can be that man again. Make her a muffin or a treat that she loves. Or out of the blue. Offer her in hand tickets to her dream spot one extra ticket in there. IDC if your the poorest man on earth get a loan. And give her tickets to her dream spot. and tell her I promised you this trip along time ago. Theres and extra ticket if you want to take someone else. Enough for her and your your children. Suck it up. You fucked it up. Show her that you still care. Stop drinking. Get off the coke. And give her a trip, to where she always wanted to go but you didnt hold your promise. Life is mysterious. I swear to god though, If you hurt a woman, someone will hurt you. Just realize that life is too short. You could die tomorrow make the best out of it. I have saved 2000 up just for 2 round trip tickets to Italy. And a hotel for 1200 bucks it aint cheap. But dont be a pittyful asshole its why you fucked up once. I am  a guy . I know how to wooh a woman. but buy her cheap shit wont do it. If you feel like you do not deserve her… THEN YOU DONT

  • Darth Vader

    I stopped at the house being spot less. I feel a connection to you. I don’t know you but if you have loving parents go to them if your not married. Take that child back to europe and forget his ass. Grow him up in a good home. You dont want to have a kid with previous mental/pshyciatric problems it sucks growing up being so detached. Get away.Wanna know something fucked up?

    Know how women always say ” I thought if i got pregnant he it would make our relationship better!”

    Instead I kept thinking about getting her pregnant. I want to be a father, but I know I am not ready.

    Wish more guys would be better to women.

    Women can make your life so much better with a little love and affection.

    I think that we (men) need to show women who we really are.

    I am not a lazy asshole.

    I am a good lover, a friend, a listener, and I want to spend every second of my life that I can with my woman.

    My european woman.

    BTW.. you dont need to lose wieght Im sure your beautiful the way you are.

    You dont even need make up..

  • Luke Skywalker

    Honestly, I would sign my child over to protective care, realizing that I am a unfit parent. She/he would grow up know that dad got killed because he pull out his chrome .45, talked some shit, and wound up dead… damn thats a good song. Seriously. Pull your life together. Drop his ass. Get a real man. NOT FOR SEX. I am a man. of 20 yrs of age. I dont want sex, i want love, i want to know that She cares for me. It means the most to me.

  • Millenium Falcon

    If you base your hate because he is an agressive driver thats fuckin dumb. Prepare to jump into FTL chewy. blarrrrg, … Don’t tell him to slow down when you see a trooper. Let his ass pay for a ticket or two.

  • Paramedic

    He is stupid. I have my GED. bout to enroll in college. I dont care if im in debt till Im 30. At least when im 31-death Ill have a good life. I am enrolling in nursing/ Emergency Trauma Care.

  • A Real Knight in Shining Armor

    Last message. I am all the starwars names posted on this site.

    I wish I listened, I wish I did everything I could to have a better life.

    Thats the words etched into his mind. Go to him and let him know its okay, that his depression doesn’t have to last. We can be happy. Tell him money is better than no money…

  • Keemijoe

    my husband is an anal neat freak FANATIC , i am the total opposite , i knew it was bad But i didnt know how bad , we just bought a house together and he cleans it from top to bottom everyday , even  after a hards day working overtime … the problem is my son and I find it hard to live in this perfectly cleaned home with out looking as if someone lives there , right now he is not speaking to us because the dishes were not put away and I left an envelope on the recyling stuff .. WHAT !!!!  he hasnt spoken to us in 3 days smh …  Im so tired of him im so tired of this .. I want out , but cant leave , we have propertys we own together it would be such a mess , I dont know what to do ! 

  • Victoria

    That is fabulous that you are so young and want something real. I’ve noticed the trend with young people lately and they are all about sex, sex, sex.

  • Victoria

    I laughed when I read driving gloves and air freshener because mine once bought me electric scissors for Christmas. They were not the expensive ones either “as seen on TV” and took batteries!

    I told him after the first year or two of being married that he can buy me something inexpensive and I would go out and shop for myself for birthday and Christmas from then on. Otherwise he would spend $200 on something totally inappropiate or irrelevent for me. I get a kick out of his little gifts though.

  • Loreto42pinas

    Thanks for being fair Kim.. I try but even self help books on improving relationship/marriage are starting to annoy me. See, I am a almost a full time mom with 2 wonderful teenagers who brings home as much as my husband does( we both make $40/hour) but I do all the physical/domestic work( my kids does their own laundry and pretty okay in tidying the house but I don’t expect them to do much since they are both in pretty challenging classes). I also do the kissing and touching, my husband does not believe in the benefit of touching, he said he does not need them. He doesn’t talk much but he can play golf all summer and watches sports the rest of the year. On my days off st times , he will come to do errands with me but will go home and be in front of the tv the rest of the day. One Sunday , we had the football game from noon to 10pm, he will kiss me goodnight and that’s it. He will approach me for sex when he is horny, there’s not even any cuddling or talking before and after. And btw, we have seperate account, he pays for the house ,  car insurance,heat and airconditioning . I ,pay for kids school needs, grocery, mobile and home phone bills, tv and internet, kids clothes and take care of my own car. I also fix any internet problems at home( I am not na IT, but i had to learn because he will not take the time to learn ).Ohh I also pay for our health and dental insurance….and not to brag, I am pretty good looking esp for a 43. So tell me , am i having too much cognitive distortion causing me to dislike him ? Should I keep thinking about the word fair and redefine it? 

  • Gh Stanford

    I am a psychologist that works with couples. There are two main needs that each spouse has in a marriage, and disregard for those needs is experienced as betrayal. The first need is to be taken care of, so that you believe your well-being is as important to your spouse as his or hers. The second need is to be shown that you are valued, expressed in a way that has personal meaning for you. This husband is probably not meeting these needs, either because he does not have the maturity and loving kindness or because he doesn’t understand them and know how to meet them. It is possible that the same is true of the wife. These needs must be met for a mutually satisfying marriage. Both husband and wife need to examine their relationship in light of these needs, and meet them more consciously and fully.

  • Seattlecoe

    I hate my fucking husband too.   

  • Peggy

    Terry,
    First, I feel your pain and I too wish I could leave but as a wise person said to me; with children in the picture you will never be fully rid of him. Unless the situation is abusive try to make it work. Talk to him openly and tell him you would like to work on getting back to liking each other again. Tell him you feel that your relationship is broken.It is very easy to go from partners to parents and forget to remember that there is marriage that needs attention too. He may have no idea how unhappy you are.

  • Poisonedtaco

    Your son is your whole world? I’m bringing another piece of shit male into this world in July and I really hope the piece of crap dies before I deliver. No man is a good man. Kill all the males! We don’t need them.

  • Poisonedtaco

    You’re a statistic no matter what you do….

  • Tfusco

    I hate mine too he spoils his son and his son is 18 and no job

  • dying inside

     I am begining to hate my husband, at first it was his anger, cuz it was scary, not its is drinking and drug issues and behaviors, kills me 

  • sad

    I just posted wrong,was so upset, i meant to say he has drugs and drinking AND anger issues, he’s making me hate it!!!

  • dying inside

    my husband is killing me…. makes my heart ache, he just took my kids iPod and threw it out into the dark rainy night, only because she failed to bring it to him by 9:20 pm.  What an ass!!  Tonight is the first time I felt forced to say “I HATE YOU” to him… now, maybe I am hating us!

  • Santos199rn

    Your son will only become a good person if you raise him to be one! Please don’t take your frustrations out on him.

  • dying inside

    Thank god mine might actually be listening this time.  He slowed way down on drinking and not smoking that crap anymore, so he says.  He even bought a book on anger control, thank god!!!  I don’t want to hate him!  I am reading the proper care and feeding of husbands.  I pray all gets better for everyone, its not healthy to stay in that crappy sort of environment.  

  • Klongjatta

    It is comforting to see I am not the only one feeling neglected by my husband and wanting to leave.  At the same time it is sad that happiness is so hard to find.  My husband is from Africa and has been here for 10 years, we’ve only been married for a year and a half.  You would think we would still be in the honeymoon phase but this ended once he came to live with me.  The first year we were apart and visited each other once a month for a week at a time until the time came that we could live together.  He moved here and the problems began.  He is mean, controlling, inconsiderate, low sex drive, bad communicator, cheap, wants me to change but he isn’t willing to change for me and so many more things.

    I used to be able to talk to him about anything.  Now it’s a problem for him to listen.  Sex used to be so great, now I have to beg for sex because he’s lost alot of his stamina, I have even reverted to buying sex toys and using when he isn’t here so that I don’t complain to him about sex, he cannot drive and I have to take him everywhere.  I can’t even go on vacation because I have to be here to drop off/pick him up.  WHen I ask him to take off with me, work is too important.  

    Everything is too important.  Work, politics, news, soccer, games on his phone — it’s all more important than me.  When I complain then I am being difficult, rude, disrespectful, too needy, difficult to live with.  For example, I dropped him off at the barber shop, I asked him to see if it would be a long wait.  After a few minutes he didn’t come out so I text him and said how long is the wait because I am going to run an errand.  He never responded so I left.  Well, I timed it perfectly because he was just walking out the door.  So I asked him if he got my message to let me know how long.  He got enraged and said he couldn’t answer the phone because it was in his pocket and that he couldn’t check it.  I said that’s fine but you told me you would let me know.  He got furious and said I am difficult to live with and that he couldn’t be the man I wanted and that he would change.  I said it’s just being courteous to someone and he said very harsh things after that.   We arrived home and he went straight into the bedroom and hours later still hasn’t spoken to me.

    I am just tired.  I am tired of staying because I don’t want a divorce, I am tired of staying because it will upset my two daughters who have become very close to him, tired of staying for the sake of being embarrased.   It’s just ridiculous that a man behaves like he does and flies off for no reason.  As much as I don’t want to be alone I also don’t want to be unhappy either. Something has to give, will it be our relationship or will it be the way we save it.  Just frustrated and feeling alone and neglected.  I am starved for communication, affection, attention, love, a smile, kindness.  

  • anonymous

    Oh my God, I’m so glad to tell everyone the real thing that happen to me…My name is JOAN. If i refuse to share this testimony it means i am selfish to my self and to people i love so much whom might have similar problems, March 16th about something 7:23pm after taken our dinner my husband got crazy started calling a lady name Melisa I love you, i was so mad and started crying like a baby…then my husband left home then for the idiot called Melisa, and never return back home then i believed when he understand his self he will surly come back to apology, but instead he left me So i complained to my friend she told me she was having such problems in her marriage until she was introduce to DR agbadi who specializes in bringing back broken homes and broken marriages DR agbadi cast a spell for me in May 4th surprisingly my husband came home May 6th apologizing that i should forgive him that it will never happen again, i was so glad and gave the thanks to DR agbadi who save my marriage, if you are having similar problem you can contact him and His email address is (dragbadilaguspelltemple@gmail.com) you can still save your marriage if u really love your husband.
    Thanks joan