I Want To Date A Friend of My Ex

Man it’s a lose lose situation. If anything the ex will for sure hate. Questions of what this chick got that I don’t have will just eat her up insides. Circle of friends will be compromised so on and so fourth… at the end of the day they’ll make it seem like you’re trying to smash anything with 2 legs and brest

I wouldnt recommend dating your friend’s ex, I personally think its tasteless, tacky and f*d up.

They’re about millions of other people out there available for you to date, why would you possibly compromise your friendship for a piece of a$$???

I guess to each his own

Whaddup people,

This is a good one. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. I guess it just depends on how close they were. I also think it depends why you broke up. If it was your fault, then I think that all of your S/O’s people are off limits. But if they f*cked up, then you have a right to live your life however you see fit. They had there chance, and they blew it. They can’t be mad at you …only themselves.

@Milly,

why is it so tasteless. I personally don’t think you can help who you like. I would do it.

Depends on how close their friendship was, and how deep your relationship was with the ex girl. Usually I’d say “off-limits”, but sometimes you can’t fight fate. I dated someone who a friend dated before… but we weren’t good friends (ended up having a falling out because she was a triflin, backstabbing mess). I was friends with him (he was actually my ex-bf’s cousin) and was there to pick up the pieces when she screwed him over. My ex-bf didn’t give a damn that we were “talking” because he was off doing his own thing… and that just goes to show how insignificant my relationship was with him (the ex) anyway, despite having dated for over a year.

It never worked out with the cousin, to no one’s fault, really. It just wasn’t meant to be. We remained friends for a long time after that, through new relationships and all, but even the friendship faded when our lives just went in different directions.

I agree with what was already said about it all depends on the closeness and the length of the relationship and the how close your ex SO was with her friend.

On the real though friends of ex’s can be trifling as they try to holla on the side or after the fact behind their girls back (Doesnt make it right..just sayin)…might be because they heard something or because some women talk or tell too much. Most of the time it’s not worth it but like Big Mike said “Don’t check the pimp, check the Ho”….

I would tell them good luck with that and write them both off, nothing can be built if it was built on betrayal by your friend and an ex. Know matter how you see it nobody really likes to know and witness that. Your ex girl with your homeboy or your ex man with your home girl. Unless you really were not friends from the start. It will make me question both people really.

@ Mz. Chief

I think its tasteless because if thats your “friend” and I dont use that word lightly because I’m very close to all of my friends,and we discuss our relationships, as far as the good and the issues and seek out advice from each other.

Now with that said, how can you look at the friend you were giving advice to about the man she was dating and then turn around and date him yourself??

I just personally wouldnt do it but like I said to each his own and every situation is different

@ lyricalluv
I would do the same too

I wouldn’t date one of my friend’s exes b/c I would already have too much inside information about him and I can’t imagine being attracted to someone my friend has had.

However, I would date a friend of an ex for vengeful purposes. That may be the only reason why I would venture down that trail. Any other reason would give me thoughts of both of them comparing notes about me.

@Blaze
lmao@ “Don’t check the pimp, check the ho”

So with that said who needs to be checked in this case if you were close to both people? Me personally I would check homegirl because as women there are somethings you just do not do, because SOME men will only go so far if you allow them to go.

@milly and LL,

what if they weren’t best friends. What if they were just associates that occasionally hung out. Does that rule still apply in your opinion?

I agree with what you’re saying if it’s my best friend’s ex. But if it’s some chick that I’m just cool with, then I don’t see the problem.

TUBBS!!!

Uh yeah…can’t nobody tell me who I can and can’t date…friend, brother, daddy…u canlt help who you become attracted to…as long as its not a vendetta or something ur doing to personally attack a friend/ex, then do what u do!

@ Mz. Chief
If we were associates that associate from time to time and I don’t have a close relationship with her and don’t have to really bump into them together and put us all in a awkward position. Thats different BY ALL MEANS HAVE AT IT. Hell….we all grown here, if ex man or homegirl was feeling the s/o after we had broken up then obviously they were feeling them while we were together. They gonna do what they want to do anyway, some men and women just do not have any stipulations and will cross boundaries.Whether you know about it or not.

@Mz Chief – that’s what I’m saying… if it’s just some chick then have at it. Though I would agree with Reina that a close friend I wouldn’t even be attracted to because I know too much. Plus I personally would hold that person off limits out of respect for my friend.

@ Mz Chief

I would go for it in that case, cuz to me that would be different, if thats not your friend than thats not your friend and you dont owe her anything

Fly Guy, It is so wrong to date a friends ex. I don’t care if you live in the hood and say “When you from here everybody, dates everybody” that is so damn weak. I went to a party last yr and started talking to this guy who I thought was cool, Come to find out one of my friends had there eye on dude, but she could not remember if that was the guy she saw a yr prior at a party. I kept going on with duke and never looked back. me and dude didn’t work buit she was a confidant for the whole crap. I think if you know this is your friends ex then do not cross the line, but if you do not know then take the chance.

@ sugarlips

Definitely. Respect for my friend would keep any desires in check.

Let me ask this to the group..

Who has ever met someone, made a connection and then later found out they were friends with one your ex’s but never knew about you..?

TUBBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wouldn’t do it knowingly, especially if they are still close friends. Not worth ruining a friendship.

Blaze that has happened to me. As soon as I found out I stopped talking to him but my friend was still upset with me as if I had done it on purpose. It was the beginning of the end.

@ blaze
its happened to me

I had met a guy and started talking to him and we really clicked or so I thought and then later on my step sister met him a few days later(not through me) and she decided to keep dating him anyway…a week later she got dumped by him for another broad.

@ Blaze
I did !!! and it ended out horrible. Even though she was away in another state at school, we lost touch so I didn’t know she was dating the guy we both had a crush on during high school. He never even mentioned dating her after we all graduated, until we all ran into each other when went to the homecoming game and she went crazy when she saw us together. It wasn’t intentional, but it hurt me just the same that she felt like I betrayed her in a sense even though we lost touch a year prior.

I am actually going through a similar situation right now. My best friend of almost four years had a crush on a guy while we were in school (two years ago). They went to dinner but nothing ever came out of it.

Now two years later, I run into the guy while I’m out (we all live in different cities now). Me and the guy talked and exchange numbers to keep in contact. Honestly I did not think twice about it because I thought of him as a homeboy like, “hey what’s up? I haven’t seen you in so long.”

Anyways, to my surprise he calls me the next day. We ended up having a great conversation and from then on we began to talk everyday. When our conversations began to become more frequent I called my best friend to tell her. She laughed and thought it was really funny and said that she did not care if we conversated or whatever because he and her never had anything going on. They just went to dinner. I’m like cool! The very next day she calls me and says,

“you must like him, I feel some type of way about this, you tried to keep this from me, etc.”

I’m like whoaaa no! I didn’t try to keep anything from you! I was upfront and told you what was going on.

To make a long story short, me and the guy have become really close and something may or may not come out of it. I don’t know what to do because my best friend has not mentioned anything about it since she called me to say how she felt. We talk everyday and it has not come up. It’s almost like nothing ever happened. I’m torn on whether I should bring this up to her again or just leave it alone. I don’t want to open a can of worms…

@Kendra
IMO you should bring it up again just to clear the air especially if you’re diggin this dude and want to take it to another level. Find out what her issues are, settle them and you wont have to worry about going behind her back and wondering what she’s thinking…sounds like she’s straight hatin’ to be honest because she couldn’t get any rhythym with dude.

@ Kendra do not go there. You can lose your friend for a a guy that you are still trying to feel out. That is a move that can even reck some friendships to come.

am i misreading the question? does it say the ex of a friend or the friend of an ex? the responses are confusing me. my answer depends on the question…

@ blaze she may not be hating, if a friend tones down whats really taking place because they know its wrong then they should leave it alone. I think her friend found out how serious it was, that is something you should tell from the door. You should NEVER hold back details. A person only holds back details when they know for a fact what they are doing is wrong.

Never ever…..

I understand that this can be a tricky situation, but it isn’t always as clear cut as some of you have laid it out to be. If your friend and the guy in question broke up many moons ago and you and the dude develop some kind of close connection, you shouldn’t have to feel bad about it or feel that it’s wrong to pursue a relationship with the guy JUST BECAUSE he used to date your friend. Whatever happened between the dude and your friend is irrelevant to your life and other people’s feelings shouldn’t hinder your chances at happiness. It may sound cold, but that’s just the way it is.

You’re not shady for dating your friend’s ex: obviously the bond she had with the guy went off-balance at some point in time and it wasn’t meant to last, point blank. You can’t help who you have feelings for. Of course, the best thing to do in this situation is to tell your friend up front that you have feelings for their ex, no tip-toeing around the subject, just tell her straight up. What kind of friend would you be if you couldn’t discuss things genuinely with a good friend? And what kind of friend would she be if she were to forbid you to explore a relationship that shows promise?

I’ve done. It depends on the relationship you had with your ex. We didn’t end so well so I didn’t really give a shit what he thought. I just left it up to the friend to decide if they wanted to go there.

@ Blaze
I am going to talk to her about it. I think about the situation everyday! She and I are really close and it has never been like me to keep and anything from her. It feels weird not to tell her how happy I am or what’s going on with me and the guy. I know that if I bring it up again, she may be mad for a while but she will eventually get over it and be happy for me. In the end, we both want to see each other happy!
Now I have to disagree with the “she’s hatin” part. That is totally not her style and we do not have that type of friendship. When something good happens to either one of us, we are genuinely excited about it. I think that all of this just caught her off guard. Never in our wildest dreams did we think that I’d end up talking to this guy. It was so RANDOM how we crossed paths and hit it off.

@ Purple Morning
I would hope that something like this would not ruin me and my best friend’s friendship. There was never ANY contact between he and her after the date. (No touching, no kissing, barely even two phone conversations.) If any of that were the case, the guy would be off limits—I would not even go there. I think that plays a major role in why he and I have continued talking. That and the fact that they were NEVER in a relationship, and IT WAS JUST A DATE plus all of that was over two years ago.
I haven’t held anything back from her because nothing has happened between me and the guy besides conversation. I mean feelings are there, but we haven’t acted on them.

@TaurusLady
I could not agree with you more! Your comment is exactly what I’ve been thinking. If the shoe was on the other foot (and I have thought about this) I would be happy for her and tell her to have at it. Unfortunately everyone does not think the same  I love my best friend to death and I would never want to hurt her. When I talk to her about it again, if it gets to the point where it would ruin our friendship…I will stop talking to dude. I mean he and I have a connection and spark for sure but I’d never want to lose my best friend over it. Me and they guy have developed feelings for each other so it would be really hard to stop talking. I guess all I can really do now is pray that she see’s things the way we see it when I bring it up to her again…

Ladies , I thought it was a no no to mess with your friend’s left overs?

I wouldn’t intentionally go after an Ex’s friend, but sometimes things happen and it could turn out to be a lasting and wonderful relationship. There are too many different situations to say a straight “Yes” or “No” answer.

It just depends…

Luckily none of my Ex’s friends have been appealing.

How many of you lost a friend by deciding to date one of their ex’s?

I have been in quite a few situations where my ex’s friends have tried to come at me. I personally can not see myself dating and ex’s friend. I never want two close people to be able to compare situations. At the same time, I have had one or two females to go behind my back and get with ex’s. But then their character made me not so surprised. Truth be told, with the exception of my most recent relationship, I truly do not care if any of my associates date my exes. If they know what I know…..they’d keep it moving. LOL

Hmmmm, guess everyone is getting their party on early!

Thankfully, this is some drama that I’ve never been tempted by, so I would have to say that no, I would not date the friend of an ex, and only in an exceptional case where all the cirsumstances were agreeable would I ever consider it (the relationship was short, never got past a certain stage, didn’t end badly, the two aren’t best buds, and it was a while ago that the ex and I dated).

Just thought I would drop by…guess no one is around. Happy Weekend!

sounds like an episode of real housewives of orange county. her dad married her mum’s best friend. smh

then again, will i do it, or have i done it (shrugs) it depends.

did they date 15 years ago? was it serious? how long did they date? how does the ex feel. etc

Well this happened to me last year- i fell for a guy who went out with one of my close friends ( 5 years ago). She is now married and has kids, but i still had a problem with it cause i remeber she was very upset when he broke up with her! I fought it but i couldnt help falling for him, he charmed me and we clicked. I told my friend and at first she said she was fine with it , then retracted saying she was uncomfotable with it, but just cause he wasnt the right guy for her, didnt mean that he couldnt be the one for me. It was only after me and this guy broke up did she finally admit that she had been jealous ( even though she was married)- but we’re cool now and are actally able to talk about how he was a selfish douchebag, so on a whole i wouldnt say that our friendship was adversly affected, but i still would not recommnend it because it is not worth messing up a good friendship over a man unless you are certain that he could be the one!

I’m personally against dating an ex’s friend, I’ve had this happen in my close circle of friends and this nearly tore us completely apart. It was was hurtful on so many levels because to me it felt like if my girl would betray our other friend, she’d surely snake me. On the other hand I guess it depends on how the people involved view friendship and how serious that relationship actually was, if a woman dated a man briefly she MIGHT not mind if TWENTY years later her friend dated him,but she MAY also care…it’s VERY STICKY, CIRCUMSTANTIAL SITUATION and my advice would be to AVOID IT AT ALL COSTS… lol