A Prisoner Of My Dating Flaws
Feb 17th, 2009 | Author: The Fly Guy | Category: Fly Perspectives
Comments (46)
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Four relationships down the drain, and somehow it was always their fault—at least that’s what I kept telling myself. It wasn’t until I bumped into an ex a couple of days ago, that my false reality came crashing down.
“I kind of miss you,” she said, as we embraced for the first time in over a year.
“Yeah, it’s good to see you too,” I confessed.
The conversation remained light until she felt compelled to revisit the past.
“I really could have married you,” she shared, while letting out a deep sigh. “But you never wanted to compromise. Everything always had to be your way. I just didn’t want to live my life that way.”
Wow … and here I blamed our demise on her not wanting to better herself.
Was there any truth to what she was saying?
Am I more flawed than what I’m currently admitting? I really need to think on this one …
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I know that I’m a huge faker of emotions…angry at things because as an SO I’m SUPPOSED to be angry…becoming insecure and suspicious as soon as we bestow titles on one another…putting unfair expectations on him…being selfish with my time but demanding his….I lie and I cheat and I keep secrets…and I always propheticise the end of a relationship before I can even start it.
Whew….such honesty. *patting self on back*
yeah Chelsea,
that was a huge dose of honesty. Do you ever see yourself addressing any of that?
I remain indecisive for long lengths of time. Too timid to make a choice due to fear that an immediate revelation would make me wish that I’d taken the other pill instead. I’m also too indifferent at times. It takes awhile to provoke a response from me. Apparently, men like feeling desired. Who knew?
Similar to Reina, my biggest problem is that I always express an indifferent attitude…a take or leave it type view. Not sure if its a defense mechanism or something that keeps a potential SO at a certain distance
My biggiest flaw is being too independent and I want things when I want them.I’m aware that it makes some men fell less than a man. EXAMPLE: The last guy I attempted to date,got made at me because I opted into hiring movers to move me into my apartment than ask him and his friends, he took offense to it. But I wanted things done when I wanted it done and wanted to be sure that it was going to be done and he was a newbie so I wasn’t to keen to putting him into labor like that so early and if it didn’t work out he will say I used him to help me move.
I’m too agressive, I want to have what I want exactly when I want it, another term could be spoiled:) I have accepted this about myself.
I love this topic!
I think I am a combo of being too nonchalant and a bit too “social”.
I have been called unemotional too many times to count. Sorry but I am just not the crying, let’s hold hands while we watch tv type of girl. Some dudes are not satisfied unless I am calling them every 5 mins and we have made up pets names for each other like baby, honey, and/or pookie. Honestly, I am not exactly sure what it is.
In addition, my “social” activities with my male friends causes friction and uneasiness. I go to the club, out to eat, sporting events, the studio, etc. with my nuckkas. Some guys get jealous or suspicious of the closeness I have with a few of my male friends. If I am still in the “getting to know you stage” then I don’t feel the need to cut down my activities. But, if it starts moving into a relationship, then I tone my activities down to a minimum. I can see where it can cause problems but do I end my friendships for every guy I date? Am I being naive to think that this is okay?
.
Hi everyone!!
Hola senorita Reina!
Flaws? where do i start? I’m too quiet. I dont express myself enough. I dont show that I care. I’m too indecisive. Probably not agressive enough.
sigh
I echo Lamico!
@ Fab
Quiet? Surely you jest.
OMG, Chelsea that was hillarious! Did that feel like confession?
Reina,
Unfortunately, I dont. It takes me a while to open up to men. I observe ;)
@Yoyo
Have you ever crossed the line with any of those homeboys you kick it with?
@Fabie
HEY CHICA !!!! How have you been? Nothing wrong with being observant , you weed them out quicker that way. lol
That is such a technical question b/c “crossing the line” has different meanings for everyone. My boundaries may not be the same as yours.
On that note, I see that there is no “gracious” way to bow out of the question so I will have to say yes, there has been ONE occasion. However, in my defense, it was 8 years ago, both if us were single, and neither one of us were sober.
Is it wrong for us to still be friends?
@Yoyo
Girl it is A-OKAY. You are a grown ass woman, capable of making decisions.Nothing wrong with having friends, that you crossline with,if you both are mature enough to handle all consequences when you open Pandora’s box.
*looking closely* LL? Is that you? Where have you been?
I think I’m just to shy…I dont express my emotions when I’m upset about certain situations until it gets to the boiling point, and it at that point its basically over
@YoYo
I think we’ve all crossed the line before ..meaning sex was involved..to be candid. I’ve done it several times and to this day those are some of my closest homegirls and we were mature enough to move past it. But the problem comes in when the current SO ask one by one if I ever slept with any of my homgirls…
I say my biggest flaws in relationships is not speaking up when I feel something is wrong. Also, I have a bad knack of not communicating with my s.o. Reason being on my lack of communication skills, because I feel that if I tell someone a tidbit about me, that someday it would be used against me out of spite or revenge against me. Still gotta work on the talking. LOL.
@Fabie Yeah its me. Been working like crazy and trying to play catch up on here.
@ Blaze
“But the problem comes in when the current SO ask one by one if I ever slept with any of my homgirls”
SO WHAT DO YOU TELL THE S/0??? No thats just my homegirl’s THATS IT.lmao Nobody really wants to know if you “kicked it” with the homie counter parts.
@LL
In all honesty thats a question I always have to wrestle with. Do you ask that question about each one of of your SO homegirls?
forgive me, but what in the world is an S/O?
Significant other, boyfriend, girlfriend, something serious than a jumpoff or bust down
I am going to assume that it doesn’t mean Sexual Offender, lol. I kid, I kid.
Neway, I’ve been asked and I have always said no. I guess I;m a liar but I feel like some things are better left unsaid.
@Blaze
Do you tell the truth?
@ Blaze
Heck no , I’m going to throw that question in a little box and throw into the ocean of the “unknown and don’t want to know’s”. I’m struggling with a male friend now we cross the boundaries a few times I will never ever tell a S/O about because male egos are a force to be reckoned with YOU KNOW THAT BLAZE.
@YoYo
On the real I’ve denied everything about 95% of time when that question is asked just to keep peace. Thats a hard one to get around….but my homegirls was there before her and will be after her so I don’t trip.
@LL
Yeah we do have ego’s..I try not to ask that question unless some dudes come off a lil too friendly with my SO..we need to know.. i can;t be smiling in his face knowing he busted my SO down…not a good look.
@ Blaze
What if you are really digging the girl and you happen to ask the question late in the relationship? You find out that she did “cross the line” with one of her friends. Is she a goner?
@Blaze
Can’t be smiling and giving the head nod to the enemy.Some men now just trifflin they play it off so good and smile behind your freakin back. While saying Yeah I was smashing her before you and will after you too. The infamous ( you got man? Oh you do? Well I can be your friend) We all know what that means
@ ll
ROFL
@Yoyo
You know how they do. Lol
@what
Confession…testimony…all that. Now that I’m in a place where a relationship/commitment gives me the heebie jeebies, I can freely observe myself and be real. I am a horrible person to be in a relationship with. Sad…but true.
@FG
Address the issues? Eh…that’s a difficult thing. Maybe I should stop doing a lot of things that are morally wrong for a woman with an SO to do, but then again I’m human and if I was with the right guy I would feel no need to be insecure, suspicious or seek out other company right? **reaching and I know it**
@YoYo
If it’s late in the relationship then I might fight through it, but if this dude was constantly around on the regular than I might have some issues. I would show my SO some respect and have limited interactions with a homegirl I’ve crossed the line with or even a former jumpoff.
@LL
Some men can be disrespectful..they always want something they can’t have…Some cats like the challenge of a chase of getting someone else’s lady….To me it’s too many ladies in this area to chase after another dudes lady..entirely too many
@Chelz and all the EC
Sup…On the real you really should get rent that flick “Diary of Tired Black Man”….My homegirl saw it yesterday and it had her thinking real hard. It not a female bashing joint like the title presents it to be.
Hey y’all
@Blaze
I’m well aware that I’m flawed and I know for a fact that I can frustrate the hell out of a man.
I think that’s good enough, don’t u?
@Chelz
Its not even about pointing out flaws…we all have those.
@Blaze
So…what’s the point again?
OMG…I can relate to this post FORREAL!
Similar situation happened recently…I’m VERY INDECISIVE!!!
maybe it’s because I’m a Capricorn/Aquarius…
My problem is that I am too nonchalant. I always expect the man to do all the work, while I sit back and bask in all the attention and effort. By this point you would think I would have identified my problem and then taking steps to improving it, but this is not the case. I identified it and I am hoping there is a man who compliments me well enough to adjust to it.
No one is perfect.
Accept me flaws and all…
Well, I am a Taurus, which means that I tend to be a little bossy (just a little!), high-maintenance and opinionated. I know that two of these characteristics caused major clashes with a former significant other because he was rather indecisive and a bit of a people-pleaser. I don’t sugar-coat the truth, yet I am tactful: still there are some guys out there who can’t handle being told the truth.
I know that I am late on this one but. I think its a combo of things for me…
I’m to independent and I have a bad habit of not trusting you off the jump… I’ve been a single mother for so long that it has become so easy for me to just do it on my own… I dont have a problem with falling back but you have to bring it to my attention then Ill fall back. Then because of past relationships I dont trust anyone. I dont even give you enough to hang yourself. I might not tell you what Im thinking but just trust that I dont trust you. I always think that men are so predictable. Even though more than half the time Im right about it. I still shouldn’t expect it. Someone is going to fool me one day…
I do know a guy I was talking to has told me I act like I have no flaws. Since his comment I am taken the time to understand what I am weak in. Hey, blaze.
Whats good with you Purple..