Struggling With Relationship Resolutions

I will admit that I always tell myself that I am going to settle down with one woman. And then when I get into it, I realize that I could never be faithful to her. I’m probably just trying to fit squares into circle pegs just trying to prove to myself that I can be faithful. I need to stop doing that.

@Tubbs

You’re just a man-whore. Accept it and be proud!

Whats good ppl?

lol. Nope, I’m not a man whore. I’m not claiming that one. So what about you? There’s nothing that you’ve tried to change over the years, but failed?

@ Tubbs:

Either you haven’t met the right one, or you really just will never be faithful. Are you a serial monogamist like ol’ boy from “The Best Man?” Just wondering…

@ Chelsea”

Hey girl. Happy New Year!

That goes for everybody else too (change girls to guys for appropriate posters).

I’m not a serial monogamist. Just waiting on the right one. I think we’ve all been guilty of trying to make something work just because. That’s what I was doing.

LOL..ok ok TUbbs…whore is a strong word. ‘Anatomical sampler’ may describe you a tad bit better…

anyway…I’ve tried to change lots of stuff…but you don’t change unless you really want to and I was trying to adjust myself cuz other ppl said I was flawed…not a good enough reason so therefore I failed.

anatomical sampler…sounds like something at Joe’s Crab Shack, LOL

Damn, people were telling you that you were flawed. That’s tough.

@ Tubbs:

Don’t act like men don’t “suggest” changes for women all the time. If you like prissy girls with big breasts that dress like hookers, then why in the heck did you come in my face for? Every single SO I’ve had has said voluntarily pointed out something about me that they wanted me to change. Not to mention the random negros that walk up to you and offer BS comments.

Hello ppls!
This is not a relationship resolution per se but recognizing my worth is one that doesnt change.

@Tubbs

Yeah they were…so to fix them I went and got a tattoo on my foot that says ‘Flawless’! I am what I am and who I am. Plenty of ppl love it and never push me to change….for those who don’t….suck it.

The End.

@ Fab

How you gon’ post our joint resolution but not include me?! I feel unloved and invisible and uncared for and inconsequential and other “uns” & “ins.”

Reina,
Well, somebody was lurking
bwahahahaha

@ Fab

Sometimes I question our friendship. Just can’t trust those Haitians.

Reina,
Now why would you go and question our friendship? You know i love you, chica!
And no, you shouldnt trust not even one of them…very sneaky ppl!

dang Reina! hope your morning hasn’t been as salty as your comment ;-P

@ fab:

Hey there.

I’m really not a New Year Resolution maker. I think we should strive to be better relationship wise, emotionally and just in general. Not sure why Jan 1st arouse’s people to start making these changes.

@ Fab

*mumbles* loveyoutoo

@ Just A

LOL I’m not salty. I’ve had rum already today. My morning was GREAT! Yours?

Regarding the article, I really can’t think of a relationship resolution I’ve made ever. I occastionally that I’ll try to be more tolerant, but it never works out.

Chelz
Whats good with you? Been a minute

@ Reina:

My morning was the typical 9-5 morning, but it wasn’t bad. Rum? I’m jealous! And being more tolerant depends on what you’re being tolerant about. There are just some things that are non-negotiable…

@ blaze:

Hey stranger

@ everyone:

Are we serious about the Miami film fest? I know blaze already has his hotel room, but my girls up here are acting funny, so I may not go…

@ Just

It’s a holiday here, and alcohol gets involved really early.

As for non-negotiable items, those always remain that way: intelligence, ability to communicate, shoe size, etc.

Shoe size? LOL, I know what you mean about that. Although, statistically speaking, finger width (of the middle and ring fingers) is a better indicator of girth. I used to watch a lot of discovery channel.

Whats good with you J Thought…Happy New Year. I hope you enjoyed your time off from school and work.

Regarding the Black Film Festival I’m def still going. U should still roll..you can kick it with my homegirls that are coming in from DC and Chi.

Reina,
all i get is a mumble?!!
Wait, shoe size? Please tell about that one!

Hey Just,
Happy New Year! How did you celebrate?

@ blaze:

Lemme think on it. DOn’t want to be down there with strangers….

And I only had four days off from work, and I am so sick of school that I don’t want to go back. But I’m too close to finishing not to…

@fabie:

Happy New Year? I didn’t do anything for New Year besides be lazy and watch tv. That weekend a friend came from out of town, so it was pretty chill.

J Thought
I understand….still a lot of time in between, just let me know.

@Everyone
Here’s my first real question of the year. Is it possible to have too many deal breakers in a relationship and should those be discussed upfront rather than half way through the dating process?

@ Fab/Just

The myth is that a man’s shoe size can be a determinant of the other appendage. I’ve heard about the width of the middle finger, too. But I spent last week in South America and the myth there goes with the size of the thumb. Who knows?

@ Reina:

The middle finger thing has scientific evidence backing it up here in the good ol’ USA.

@ blaze:

I think certain deal breakers that should be discussed upfront. Like, not being married, or not being a Christian, not having a job, or whatever. I think some things you should investigate to see if you can deal with it. I have a personal hatred for video games, but I will not cut a dude loose if he plays them. Lives, breaths, eats, and sleeps them, yes. But not a couple of hours a week. Basically, I believe that fundamental things about a person should be discussed upfront, and then the rest you need to get to know them to see if it passes your threshold to tolerate it.

Mine’s would be to be celibate and it never lasted as long as I said it would. This year I am going to stop lying to myself about that but I will say that I stopped settling for casual sex (a long time ago) so that is the middle ground for me.

@FG, my pic doesn’t come up anymore

@ blaze, yes there are too many deal breakers and they should be discussed upfront (but not to scare the person) so that there is no misunderstanding.

holy crap Blaze! I WAS LOOKING FOR YOU FOR THE LONGEST!!!

where the hell you been? I was tryna get my ‘baller status New Years South Beach’ weekend and your ass was NOWHERE to be found…

explain yourself IMMEDIATELY!

LOL..My bad pimp. Happy New Year. Hope all is well with you. U were straight missing the last few weeks of the year..I was in Chi for the last week or so and wasn’t online at all..He was spinning at numerous spots that night. Whats up with the Black Film Festival?

I been so super overloaded here at work its not even funny. I work in foreclosures and Florida is like the capital of losing homes at the moment, so our office is a mad house.

anywho…me and my girls were tryin to find some VIP action in Mia, but we ended up doin it big anyway.

Black film fest? Aren’t YOU supposed to be assisting? **side eye**

Bet…I got you.

I see 6’4 still holding it down. Did you give him the official title yet?

Yeah he’s the boyfriend. No goodies yet…still celibate (HA!) but he’s bout to moved to the single line if he don’t start putting in some damn effort.

hence the reason I require a pay stub before I give you my number. Broke boyfriend is NOT fun!

Not sure if this is selfish or not but my resolution is to put myself first. I want to be happy first, if not, I’m no good for any man. I am a “giver” and I tend to want to please him which sometimes mean putting my feelings aside to make him happy. This year I want to be happy first…..

Steve Harvey has a book coming out that your cousin may benefit from. Act like a lady, think like a man.

Her resolution was dead from the start because she did not address the core issue of why she doesn’t believe she deserves what she really wants. Until she figures out why she fears being alone, the cycle will continue.

oh and I refuse to do resolutions. I work on change all year so that I am not pressured to go with the new years flow.

So… I wanna hear more about this finger correlation thing… LOL

My resolution is always to lose weight. And I always do. Problem is, 1/2 way through the year I gain it back. This year will be different though (*snicker*) really, it will

I don’t make relationship resolutions, or at least I haven’t in the past. This year, tho, I did promise not to be so mean if a dude approaches me… does that count?

@ songbird:

the width/thickness of a man’s middle finger is an indication of the width/thickness of his “tool”

J Thought
Whats up? Did you honestly believe that? Did you read Supeheads book when she said even though Shaq was 7’5 it didn’t mean anything and you know that cat has big hands..

Dont sleep on 5’11 1/2 brothers…

Wow ….I missed the reunion yesterday HEY PEEPS !!! shoutouts: REINA,TUBBS,CHELSEA,BLAZE,FAB, SONGBIRD, AND J.A.T.
HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!

Whats good Lyrical…Happy New Yr.

@Blaze

bwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!

would you just HAPPEN to be 5’11 1/2 blaze? Is that why you warning us to ‘not sleep’?

Good morning Chelz
Yeah thats my height…was hoping to crack the 6′ft mark but came a little short..

So you still holding out on 6’4…?
Didn’t he tighten you up with a a nice xmas gift or something to get to the Heisman?

Hi All!!!! I attempted twice to get into this blog yesterday and kept getting kicked off (Big Brother Watching, lol).

@ FG
I can’t say that I ever set any relationship resolutions, never gave it much thought. But now I’m curious why I made resolutions about other stuff and not men.

@ Reina, JAT @ Songbird
I have to agree with Blaze on this one, all of those are myths. And IMOP created by women as entertainment. Height, shoe size and finger size means….nothing. It’s been my experience that those individuals who women “sleep on” based on the sizing of various characteristics are the gents who possess…a third leg.

@ Blaze
I have been contemplating this situation myself, I figure that people don’t get the necessary information exchanged before getting involved and it leads to failed expectations, misunderstandings and break ups. I’m guilty of it myself because I don’t ask certain questions for fear that it may be taken as though I’m in a rush to get married or something. However certain things should be known before you bother wasting your time with a person (i.e. do you want kids, do you believe in marriage, what are you hoping for from your involvement with me, etc) after a certain age at least. But I still kind of feel like doing that makes you emotionally slutty. So I’m unsure at what point these things should be discussed if you want to ensure that your feelings aren’t involved before you get answers that could potentially end the relationship.

@ Everyone
When is the best time to ask the questions I listed above?

@ blaze:

It’s based on finger thickness, not hand size.

And it has been my experience that 5’11″+ to 6′and some change are the ones that are packing. Which works for me because while they may not tower over me, they are taller than me in stilettos

@ devoted:

I think you should ask the general info questions (do you want to get married, do you want kids, how did you imagine your family to look at at 30, 40, etc) in the beginning. You need to know if that person is headed in the same general direction so you know what you are dealing with. I think you should have the “what are you expectations of me” conversation throughout the relationship. I’ve head it twice w/ this guy that I’m dating, and we aren’t even serious (no title, nothing physical). Where you are on the relationship continuum will determine how deep that conversation is.

^^ excuse the typos, but y’all are smart enough to get what I’m saying

Lmao @ Third Leg.

@ JAT
Whew!! That’s a load off my chest hearing that it’s ok to ask those questions in the beginning. I will be implementing that ASAP…thanks.

@Devoted & J Thought
Some women do ask a good number of questions upfront beyond the basic kids, morals and value type inquiries. I had a recent convo with a young lady recently and she hit me with…where do you see yourself in 10 yrs, describe your most defining moment, what is your biggest regret…These first intial conversations are starting to get more like interviews but I can’t be mad at that. To get a quality woman, we need to be ready to answer those type of questions…with proper responses at that.

@ Janean Ariel
It’s the truth and I’m ALL woman and woman enough to say, be careful what you wish for…because it just might injure you. ROTFLMAO!!!

@ Blaze
“To get a quality woman, we need to be ready to answer those type of questions…with proper responses at that.”

That is very inisightful sir and I never looked at it in that way before.

@Blaze

HE’S the one holding out on me…I been wanting to jump his bones, but he says he wants to wait…

and HELL NO he ain’t get no me no gift for Xmas. He’s a BROKE COLLEGE STUDENT and it’s becoming an issue. I haven’t seen him since before Xmas, and he only live 40 mins away cuz he claims he can’t afford gas to come see me and blah blah blah…UGH!

@Devoted

‘It’s the truth and I’m ALL woman and woman enough to say, be careful what you wish for…because it just might injure you. ROTFLMAO!!!’

**on a respirator**

Good Morning People!

@ Lyrical

Hi Lady! How was the New Year’s?

@ Devoted

I do believe those questions should happen in the beginning before a deeper connection forms. It will help stave off many disappointments down the line and keep one from creating a false persona in one’s mind.

@ Chelsea:

Dude needs to be reeducated. The youngin I date is a broke college student, and the only reason we didn’t exchange gifts for Christmas is because I told him I’d rather get a gift for my Bday. I also told him he can basically hang it up if I don’t get anything for my bday, and by anything I mean something that I want. And homie is tripping on the rest.

@ blaze/devoted:

Men definitely need to have their life together, and have a vision for where they want to go. On the flip side, women need to have that ready as well. No good man worth his salt wants to wife up a chick with no life goals. That’s the ultimate prize, so we need to be prepared to be what we say we want to be.

@Devoted
No problem…
Let me ask this question

Wheres the fine line between being persistent versus sweating a woman?

I had this young lady I dated for a month or two…cool but she said we didnt work out because I wasn’t persistent enough. As men we have to stick to our rules and never give a woman too much too soon…do you all agree?

@Chelz
You must have not asked the right financial questions upfront..like uh….do you work..? do you have income? Next time you might want to think about that..lol

@Blaze

I knew he wasn’t working but he manages to do everything else he wants to do except for when it comes to me. And excuse me, but I brought up the fact that he was a Broke College Kid when I first mentioned him to this forum and EVERYONE said to still give him a chance.

He’s not giving me any sex (or even attempting), I haven’t seen him in weeks and he can’t contribute. I see a break up in our VERY near future if he doesn’t get it together.

@ blaze:

Men need to sweat us like a rubber suit in Jamaica in July. Nah, but seriously, I think it you need to show adequate attention/effort. You don’t have to be a bugaboo, but you need to find out what her (reasonable) expectations are and acto accordingly. Hopefully, the next one will mention it if there’s a problem. This one probably found someone better… HA! J/K

@ Chelz:

Don’t break up over not getting any. We want to encourage the men who will actually wait for it.

@JAT

did you read the whole thing?

‘He’s not giving me any sex (or even attempting), I haven’t seen him in weeks and he can’t contribute’

It’s not just cuz of no sex…its no effort on his part.

Chelz
Forget financial questions..you might want to ask some entirely different set of questions if he isn’t even trying to touch or frisk you….and he’s a college cat?

@J Thouhgt
lol….She probably did find someone better…she married the cat. He prolly sweated the ish out her…not my style so he deserves her.

@Blaze

he’s not really trying anything. He’s not a virgin by a long shot but he’s made this promise to himself or whatever. I respect it and I know he respects me but the fact that we don’t have sex AND he’s jobless AND he makes excuses for why he can’t drive the 50 some odd miles to see me (or take the commuter train or anything) is taking it’s toll on me

Damn….do you think he’s getting it elsdwhere…somewhere locally? Sounds like he might be getting cut soon..

@Blaze

do i think he’s cheating? I don’t honestly but it is a little strange that a 20 yaer old with a girlfriend as sexy as I am is not tryna get the Heisman…mind boggling really. And even if he WAS cheating, he would STILL be wanting to have sex with me. I refuse to think I have no appeal.

He will be getting cut…SOON!

oh and for my Fly Guy fam…

the ex-fiance has been emailing and calling. This negro has been ghost since July and NOW he’s talkin bout some ‘happy new year…can we talk?’ type mess…6 months after he ended our engagement he wants to TALK?

WTF?!?!?!

@Chelz
I dont want to say that he’s cheating…just not with you..lol. On the real, didnt you begin the relationship saying you didnt want to take it there because you were celibate?

@ Chelsea

It must be something about the holiday that drags up men we’ve deleted from our lives. For the past few weeks, I keep getting texts from an ex asking if we can try again. I’ve ignored all. Are you considering talking to him?

Reina
Happy New Year Chica.

How’s the new beau doing? Is he still holding it down?

@Blaze

Again…I dont mind that we’re not sleeping together. But with all the other faults and slacking he’s doing, I can’t even tell that I’m IN a relationship at all. THAT’S my problem! And regardless of how celibate he wants to be, the man has seen me in lacy boyshorts and a bra…and STILL nothing. He’s gay. That’s all there is to it. But he keeps talkin about marriage and havin kids with me so I’m conflicted…

@Reina

I really am curious to see what he has to say. I always wondered what I would do/say if I had the opportunity to talk to his bi**ch azz again, but now that it’s here, it’s not as appealing as it once was. I guess I’ve grown a lot in 6 months, unbelievably.

@ blaze

Happy New Year! What new beau? I’m as single as single can be. What’s up with your love life?

“He’s gay. That’s all there is to it.”

LMAO! I almost choked on my gum.

@ Chelsea

Of course you’ve grown! Your nonchalance about it just speaks to his inconsequential value in your life. That’s something to drink about!

@Reina

but i feel really weird cuz 6 months ago, I was picking brides maid dresses and looking at houses and thinkin of baby names…then that all disappeared and I threw out all his pictures/letters and stuff and got ANNOYED when I saw his email address in my inbox the other day…

but a drink DOES sound good right about now…

and he has to be gay, cuz you guys have seen the curves I possess…any man that doesn’t make a move after seeing me in THAT has got to be swinging for the other team. No ifs, ands or buts about it!

@ Chelsea

LOL I have seen your curves, girl! Something may be off about the guy. In today’s world, DL brothers aren’t a rarity, but before jumping to that conclusion, have you asked him? Is he celibate? If you’ve said this before, I apologize b/c I don’t remember.

As for you ex, have you ever given him a good tongue-lashing? That makes me feel better.

@Reina

I’ve asked him if he’s attracted to me and if he WANTS to sleep with me and he said yes to both, but that he has just made a decision to wait til marriage. Fine…still, a sista can’t help but take an ego blow for that one. He does like to touch and hold me tho…so all is not lost.

And the ex says he’s gonna call me later tonight, so I plan on letting the words fly, trust me!

Chelz
He does sound suspect as hell. Is he a deep religious type guy? In regards to your ex you should play it cool…dont even let that cat know your upset..then he’ll know he still gets to you.

@Reina
My #1 slot is wide open but I have some prospects i’m about to explore. What’s your game plan for ’09?

@ Chelsea

Well, if he’s waiting until marriage, that’s not a reflection on you. You know you’re devastating, and if he manages to resist such potent temptation, that speaks to his strength & discipline. Both of which are good things for a relationship. But that broke thing…

Do let me know how the convo tonight transpires.

@ Blaze

Regarding relationships in 2009, I have no game plan. I want an exceptional one, the kind that will endure, with a man that deems me worthy of commitment. Until he reveals himself, I’ll keep going through the motions. I’m 28. He shouldn’t be too far down the line.

I do wish you luck in your explorations, though.

Reina
I’m sure you’ll be fine. Once the weather breaks things will start to happen.

I’ll be sure to keep you up to speed on my progress….

@ Blaze

Thanks, sir, for the optimism. In the meantime, I’m going to start looking at this FWB thing again. Maybe I’ve ignored its benefits for far too long.

@Blaze

lmao@’suspect as hell’

He was brought up in a very religious home. His parents are both deacons in the church, so I know that accounts for a lot.

@Reina

Devastating? Damn girl…did I ever tell you that you’re my Bestest Friend Ever? I’m really hoping he just is a man of his word….but the ‘broke’ thing is KILLING me!

And I’m going to force myself to be calm and listen tonight. FORCE is the key word…hmph…

anyway…hows the new year goin?

*ahem* Hello ppls!!

@ Chels

The New Year is going well. It started off great, dipped a bit when I had my heart obliterated in my chest cavity, but I’ve recovered from that humility and I’m good again. How’s the new place working out?

Hi Fabie!

HI FAB!!!!!!!!!!

@Reina

wait…obliterated heart? What happened? I’ve been swamped at work so i haven’t been able to check on ppl like i should but i need info! who do i have to assault with a stiletto?

And the new place is GREAT…I’m hardly ever there tho and furniture shopping is not something I enjoy. My mom has decided to take over with decor, so…yeah.

Reeeeeeeeinnnnnnna!
Chelz!! You dont enjoy furniture shopping or decorating?? i could do that all day!

@Fab

no i do not…i hate all that stuff…furniture shopping, decorating, grocery shopping…ugh…I hated planning my wedding too…WAAAAAAAAAAAAYY too much to think about and too many details. I’m womanly and feminine but thats where I draw the line…

LOL @ Chelsea

You’re willing to assualt someone for me? Girl, what do you want for a housewarming gift? LOL Anyway, to condense it into one sentence, I wanted someone who didn’t want me back. At least, not in the fashion I wished to be wanted.

@Reina

poor baby…HATE when that happens. Is everything as good as it can be now? And hell yeah….assault and battery, B&E, vandalism, (mild) kidnapping, etc…whatever it takes…

Housewarming gift? Hmmm…no idea. Told you I was bad with this stuff…

@ Chelsea

Eh, it’s okay. I’m a big girl. I’m sure that karmically, I probably deserved it. That just means the universe & I are now squared away.

Yeah, I suck at domesticity, too. I want to re-design/re-decorate my condo this spring/summer, and I will definitely be hiring someone.

@Reina

‘That just means the universe & I are now squared away.’

I agree!

I’ll cook and clean and all that, but that shopping for boring crap is not my cup of tea. Now tell me to shop for some shoes/clothing or anything else? I’m there! Speaking of which I look FAB for a New Years Party…I have to find somewhere to scan a pic and put it in my avi so you can see my devastating-ness in action!

@ Chels

I’ll clean, order in/make reservations, do laundry. That’s about the gist of it for me.

What’d you wear on New Year’s?

This fly ass black strapless Marciano dress and heels…oh my goodness I looked AMAZING!

I also got really tipsy and had so much fun!