Long Distance Anxiety
Jan 7th, 2009 | Author: The Fly Guy | Category: Fly Letters
Comments (5)
Hi Fly Guy!
I am new to your website, but I want to say that the few topics I have read have been very interesting. I agree with you on so many levels, and also realize that having insight about relationships and dating from a man (outside of my current relationship) is key for me!
My background very quickly… I’ve been dating my current boyfriend for approximately 6 months. We have known one another for 2 years and recently began dating. We spent the summer in the same city and he soon left for school. So the majority of the relationship has been long distance and it’s weighing heavy on me. I’m very happy with him, but I think that long distance relationships are just hard for me. We see one another about every 1.5 months and when we are together it’s cool. We have a great time and the chemistry is still there. I just need some coping skills for staying in this relationship. It’s crazy; I fear getting hurt so I want to run, but I know in order to love I have to let go of my fears. Please help!!!
Thanks,
Keisha
Dear Keisha,
I’m glad you enjoy the site. In regards to your question, there’s no easy way to cure long distance anxiety. There are however, practical steps that you can take to make the process easier. For starters, the two of you have to have some form of contact every day. Now this doesn’t have to be a long phone conversation, but some form of sincere contact each day goes a long way in these types of relationships. Secondly, there needs to be a set date in place for the next time that you’ll see each other. Having goals and milestones in place makes the time go by faster as you steadily work towards something together.
And finally, there has to be an end in sight. The two of you can’t be engaged in an perpetual long distance relationship. You need to decide up front how long you will live in different cities. Without that in mind, your anxiety level will spike to unbearable levels, as you eventually begin to question why you’re even in the relationship (Side note: Knowing when the end would come was probably the only way that I was able to finish Terrance Howard’s album. If it weren’t that, who knows how far I would have made it. The same applies to you.)
With those three tools in hand, your anxiety should decrease decidedly. Now that’s not to say that your journey will get any easier, as long distance relationships are just typically difficult. But these practices will at least make the journey that much more enjoyable. I hope this helps.
The Fly Guy
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very true…i was in a long distance relationship for 2 years…it was hard..we lived 4.5 hours away and we made it work…either he would come to see me or vise versa…we would even meet halfway…needless to say i moved to houston…and we were good for a while…are we together no…are we still friends yes…but we realized that neither one of us was really ready for a long term commitment..
what am i trying to say…fly guy is right, communication is key…have some type of plan, and make sure you know how each one of you really feels BEFORE you or him makes that move…
Great advice FG. I am currently in a long distance relationship and have been for 4 years now. We make time everyday to talk on the phone and we see each other every other weekend. Long distance love is not for everyone. It works for us because it’s genuine, also, the love and respect we share for each other is mutual. I can only say to anyone thinking about being in a long distance relationship to take time and make sure it’s what you want.
My beau will be going over seas in the coming months for a year to teach and I am terrified. This man is soo wonderful and I really hate the thought that I may lose him because of this temporary separation. I’m more than willing to give it a try because I love him, but I’m unsure if expecting success is wise. I also have a problem with the fact that everytime I find a man whom I really care a lot about and could potentially see a future with they are always leaving to go somewhere else. This has happened to me 3 times before, wth!
Devote-
Would you ever consider leaving with him for the year?
@ blaze:
Seriously? His life plans didn’t involve her, so I mean should she really just uproot and dude is not talking marriage? (Or maybe he is, I dunno).
It just seems to me that women are more likely to cancel everything and just follow a man somewhere on the slightest possibility that they will be together (and yes, I did alter my plans to fit a man’s). I’m not saying that a woman shouldn’t compromise to be with the person they want to be with, but I think as a gender, we are too quick to follow behind some dude who would not do the same for us.
@ devoted:
My comment to blaze is not in any way a suggestion or a response to your situation, but more the fact of 3 women I know who are making big changes to their plans for men – none of whom have made any serious steps toward marriage.