Is She Playing Me?

Jan 14th, 2009 | Author: | Category: Fly Letters
Comments (21)

Dear Fly Guy,

I’ve been reading your articles and they have all been very helpful. I do have a question for you though. Should I find it suspicious if the woman I am dating is never available on the weekends, and is constantly making plans without me? I mean let’s say I ask, “Hey what are you doing this weekend?” and she says “Oh I made some plans with my friends.” So then I say, “Alright, let’s do something the next weekend.” Once again she says, “Oh I made plans for that weekend too.” My question to you is why would she be making so many plans without me? Is she avoiding hanging out with me? Thanks for any help you can provide.

Rob

Dear Rob,

There’s no easy way to say this, so I guess I should just come out right out with it … You are not in a relationship with that woman. From the looks of things, it doesn’t appear that she has any real interest in the two of you actually being a couple. Listen; a person that never pursues quality time with their significant other is either (a) not interested, (b) seeing someone else, or (c) Shaquille O’Neal … which is strangely a combination of both a and b. Whatever the actual reason behind her actions, the fact still remains that you need to move on … immediately. So from this point forward, don’t even think about asking her out. Your time and energy are best spent on someone willing to equally invest in the advancement of the relationship. I hope that helps.

The Fly Guy

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  • blaze

    This applies to women as well..If you’re only being asked out for coffee on a Tuesday morning or a Wed night after 11pm…then he’s either not into you or your a 4th stringer (since you all like sports analogies).

  • Just A Thought

    @ blaze:

    Weren’t you the one who introduced the concept of a roster?

    In response to the question, yeah, you aren’t really in a relationship. Or, she could be just super extra careful about moving too fast, because one good Sat. night date and her clothes might just fall off. That’s not likely, but it could happen…

  • blaze

    @J Thought
    Most definitely…but after time you need to scale back and let the best woman win. Dating shouldn’t be a competition but used only as a process of elimination.

  • Just A Thought

    I wish it were so simple for me. If I were very honest about it, I should have never dated ANYONE. Not that they were all bad guys or losers, or whatever, but (in keeping with your sports analogy) it’s like the top ten athletes on my wish list were already drafted, and I’m trying to figure out which of the remaining people on the board will be good enough.

  • blaze

    J Thought
    “If I were very honest about it, I should have never dated ANYONE”

    Like you said before J its probably the area you are currently living in and feel as if you have few to choose from. Plus you’re still young (when is your b-day again…18th?). Based on your discussions you have too much personality to be thinking like you are..IMO

  • Just A Thought

    @ blaze:

    What? Blaze is being nice and not picking a fight? (faints)… (and then gets back up). Thanks homie. And my BDay is the 18th. Thank you for saying that I’m young, cuz I surely do not feel it being surrounded by these fetuses on campus. I’m probably older than you…

  • gjoseph

    When you date someone, the most important things to pay attention to are his/her nonverbal cues. People can say whatever they want to make you believe something is there when it really isn’t, but their actions hardly ever lie. I’ve learned this the hard way, like everyone else and even been on the other side of the fence a few times.

    If he/she is interested in you, then he/she WILL make time to be with you or at least call. I don’t care who you are — No one on the planet is too busy to pick up a phone and call someone.

  • blaze

    @J Thought
    You know I can be a lil light hearted when needed but its hard at times when I have to battle the entire EC.

    My point with dating multiple people at one time will help you maintain an indifferent attitude versus getting strung out over one in the initial phase.

  • Just A Thought

    @ blaze:

    You can handle us, we’re kittens :-)

    I like the rush of being in-like with a person. If I’m dating more than one at a time, I will never connect with any of them because I will not pay any one of them too much mind. I”m notorious for getting numbers and never calling, because if there wasn’t something about you that drew me to you initially, then chances are you are just a potential dinner date, coffee date, etc. and nothing more. Plus, you keep forgetting I have ADD. Tried to get that handled, but doctor’s in my city are NEVER accepting new patients. LOL

  • blaze

    J Thought
    See what Im saying….women like the “rush” of “being in-like”….Is that the equivalent of putting the full court press on a man…trapping in the corners, cutting off all baselines until you get a turnover?….j/k

  • rhneed

    Yeah this chick is not into you. I have done that before to a guy ( I know thats horrible) only because I either wanted to hang out with other people or I just did not like him and he kept being too persistant. The only way I knew to get through to him was to not spend time with him or always be too busy. Such a tangle web we weave when we lie and deceive.

  • Just A Thought

    @ blaze:

    Ha! Nah, being in like is like … wait, I will come up with a good sports analogy … it’s like a good volley in a raquet (sp?) ball game where you just react, the shots are falling, and both people are giving as good as they get, but are so caught up in it that they don’t have time to reflect on it until there’s a pause in the game. Match isn’t over, but someone getting the point makes you both have to restrategize.

    What you described is stalkerish behavior.

  • blaze

    J Thought
    ok…good one. Not to flip it but sometimes you don’t get that pause.. you lose the point and then it’s game over. No need to restrategize….But on the real games/dating are about making the right adjustments midway and playing on the strengths of the two people involved. I try to have my potential SO look at is if we’re a team…so we try to do whats best for the “team” and not as a battle between the two genders.

  • http://myspace.com/misschelsea724 *Miss Chelsea*

    Morning ppl…

    yeah…i wouldn’t call this a relationship where the two of them never spend time together. Guess she’s just not that into him.

    I’m loving JAT/Blaze’s convo…sports references put all things in perspective man…

  • blaze

    Whats up Chelz

    Sometimes thats the only way to make your point without coming off as if your attacking the other gender. In regards to the article..you know when your coming off the bench, starting or only getting to play at the end of blowouts…right…lol? It all makes sense

  • http://myspace.com/misschelsea724 *Miss Chelsea*

    lol..yeah it does. I shoulda made this connection a LONG time ago

  • Just A Thought

    Hey Chelsea!

  • http://myspace.com/misschelsea724 *Miss Chelsea*

    Hey J Thought girl! What you know good? (lmao…old ppl say that. I think its hilarious)

  • CapriceClassic

    I think the Fly Guy is right on point with this one. If you’re only dating the chick and she isn’t putting in the effort to build an exclusive relationship, it’s lopsided on his part, and he should move on.

  • http://www.flyguychronicles.com/2009/01/this-is-love-that-i-feel/ NubianJ

    Yeah but some people will give you all the right signs and then get skizo on you. Man you never know what could be going on so I say never play games.

  • http://wandaphullworld.wordpress.com/ Wanda

    Rob sorry but Fly Guy is right..You are in a realtionship wit her, but she is not in a relationship with you. Women who are interested in men sit by the phone and wait for him to make plans and spend time with him. When we are into a guy, we cant wait to see him and sometimes hate to leave him so sorry hon she is not interested in you the way you are in her, not saying that she dont like you and prob see you as a cool friend and a hang out buddy from time to time but thats about it. To be honest with you, try and remember back when you met her, what was it that made her show interest in you in the first place, and if its something superficial, monetary or you probably had something she was benefiting from and if she’s already gotten that out the way..sorry friend that was that :)

    Mush love hon, find someone new…