Got ya. A guy I dated had a majority of female friends, all of them failed romantic pursuits, and he talked with them about emotional matters that he would never talk to his good friends from HS about. And he had the nerve to say that I was jealous over nothing, when I knew for a fact he was taking our business to the streets and crying on these broads shoulders?

I had a male best friend for a while, but he never got out of the friend zone. We fell out, partly due to that reason. Oh well.

J Thought
It is hard determining who truly is your homegirl versus one with a hidden agenda hoping we will eventually date if she catches me at the right moment.

In regards to women with male best friends…it is disturbing bacause dudes hate alot and the moment you slip up and she goes to him for coaching…its over or it will onlu get worst. Its all about those hidden agendas.

as a woman, like you said, these same principles can be applied to your significant other having a female best friend. my s.o tries to sugarcoat it sometimes, but i know, 50-95% of his female friends are ex’s and/or failed romantic attempts. it bothered the hell out of me first, “why would you wanna still be cool with someone you couldn’t be with in a relationship?”- then i took a look @ myself, ALL and i mean ALL of my male friends either tried & failed to bed me, or eventually hope that happens. i mean even our mutual friend has a fond interest of me but out of respect (in his words), he kept it friends, so i grew up mentally in that area and realized their ‘friends”, as long as they respect our relationship (which for female friends HAS TO BE A FU*KIN HARD THING TO DO) and understand the past is just that, I’M COOL. the gray areas in my “insecure” moments i have sometimes make me wonder, but at the end of the day, you have to somehow know and understand that your number 1 or in the running to be…do your part, but keep a watch out for green eyes. i’ve realized too early lately that some friends become extremely jealous and envious of their friends who are in relationships.

Good Morning All, I have been lurking for a while and gthought that this was the perfect topic for me to join in on. I have a male best friend. He has given me the best relationship advice. He is a good uncle to my son and I an aunt to his daughter. We have even dated each others friends. There isnt anything going on or ever happened between me and him. We started in the friend zone and thats where we have been every since. What’s wrong with that????

There is no such thing as a male/female completely platonic relationship. Either you have dated once before, or one of the parties involved would jump at the chance to turn it into something else if the opportunity presented itself. I know this from experience.

@ Tedeja/blaze:

It is important the a friend of the opposite sex of your SO respect the relationship. My biggest issue was that some of those “friends” did not, and he failed to even give ear to my concerns. I know I can be very jealous and insecure from time to time, but I don’t air a grievance unless it is a on-going issue.

And it is true that a lot of people stay friends after they break up, stopped effin;, or tried to connect & didn’t. But since I am only friends (really acquaintances) with 1 guy that I’ve dated (maybe this number would have been higher had I dated more), I don’t expect my SO to have a closet full of ghosts of p*ssy past that he’s “friends” with.

@Aura
That is crazy. We have never been anything other than friends. There has never been a moment that I saw him in an other light. Im sure he feels the same way.

I come at this topic from two different angles. 1) I am a dude with a bunch of female friends (some are women that I used to date) 2) My lady has close male friends 3) I’m a dude and I know how dudes act/think.

I am not in the habit of taking me and my ladies business to the streets. But sometimes you have to get that opposite sex perspective. I think it’s important that those female friends (or any friend) hear the positive in the relationship. You can’t let the only thing they ever hear about your woman is something negative. There has to be balance.

I don’t care about my woman having male friends, generally speaking. I do think it’s necessary that those male friends know that I am in the picture. And if my woman should need to seek advice from those male friends, I trust that she is giving them a balanced picture; some good along with the bad.

Dudes will do you DIRTY! I feel like on some level those male friends are sitting back plotting, waiting for their chance to catch the woman vulnerable.

The key is to appear unaffected by this male friend. If you start bytching, complaining, questioning you’re gonna put your woman in a position of feeling like she has to choose. And if that friend has been around longer than you, chances are you’ll be the one that gets shown the door!

What up Red

Good Morning! I agree with everyone on this subject. My “best friend” is a guy and we did date a while ago and it failed. We are pretty open with each other when it come to relationships but like blaze said he occasionally hates on the person I’m dating. I also know that if I say that I wanted something more he would take it. The guy that I date now has many female friends and it just made me uncomfortable. Once I got to the bottom of things I found out these “friends” were all women who he has dated in the past. I just don’t think it is possible to maintain a relationship and a host of female friends. Naya you are very lucky to have that male point of view around you. I wish it was possible for all.

Wait- so in #5 you’re basically removing the friend from the picture? Or at the very least diminishing his/her role in your girl/man’s life?

That’s cold-blooded… so the other person is out one good friend just ’cause some ppl don’t believe hetero men and women can’t just be friends.

sadness…

@ Red:

I feel you on presenting a balanced picture, but that is not in most people’s nature.

It’s very funny how the women feel that women friends are sitting back, plotting and waiting to get their shot, and the men on here feel the same way about male friends. yet most people are playing nice and saying the PC thing about not having a problem with their SO having friends of the opposite sex. I’m not going to lie, I don’t like that situation one little bit, especially because of my experience with it. However, I would swallow my discomfort @ my SO having women friends if I had evidence that the boundaries were being respected by all parties. But let something jump off, and I may catch a case… nah, but I damn sure would think about it.

@Everyone

WHat about being cool with an ex girlfriend/boyfriend? A lot of women say ish is cool….I disagree…ties need to be cut. People use their ex’s as safety nets…when the new guy fucs up, she’s calling that cat because he’s “familiar” and he’s easily accessible..Also you’re always being compared.

Blaze:

You are cool with exes. Do I smell a hypocrite?

And people compare regardless. “Ol girl doesn’t cook as well as my ex… He doesn’t like to take me dancing like my last boyfriend did… She’s aight, but soandso gave some bomb ’special attention’ (a la Bernie Mac). People compare anyway, having an ex around just makes it worse.

@Blaze, what it do!
I don’t agree with you entirely. I will admit that I have a few names/numbers in my phone that I can “run to” if things don’t work out between my lady and I. However, I only consider them to be jump-offs. My true female friends, we wouldn’t go there, again.

@JAT
I feel you, everyone doesn’t have the same mindset as I do. But my thinking is, in order to get PROPER feedback, I want to present the whole picture. You can’t realistically give me feedback if you are only hearing one side of the situation. Even when I tell the negative, I tell MY dirt too.

@ Red:

You are truly enlightened. I would be able to do that now, but not so much a couple of years ago.

@JAT
We are all Works in Progress. Some get to where we need to be sooner/later than others. It took me getting a divorce to start seeing the light. I’m still working on it.

@J Thought
Im not completely a hyporcrite….Im cordial with my ex’s if we speak but all in all the ties are cut. Plus they’re all married so they can’t be considered “safety nets” and I dont disuss any of my current situations with them.

Are you cool with any of your ex’s?

Only one, a former SO-turned-FWB. We’re cool, but it’s not like I talk to him more than once or twice a year. Other than that it’s holiday/bday text messages. Everyone else? No. LIke I said, once we’re done, you cease to exist. I haven’t always been as stedfast in enforcing that policy, but for the most part, when I cut you off I cut you off.

Hmmm…I have one super duper close homeboy that knows everything about me. He even knows my ’sex number’…something NO ONE else on earth (besides me) knows…its THAT serious. But he was really really interested in my in H.S. and tried to date/bed me so I guess the theory is true. But i have a lot of guy friends. But I’m sure I could sleep with each and every one of them if I expressed the interest. Hmmm….interesting

i’ve had three male BFF’s in my life that weren’t gay.

#1 I really liked. And he liked me as well and eventually our attraction and fear of ruining our great friendship and jealousy of each others SO’s ended that friendship.

#2 we were really great friends for years. my boyfriends would tell me that he had motives, his girlfriends would get jealous of me but I thought our friendship was completly innocent. Then he professed his love for me. Didn’t end well.

#3 We have been friends since I was 15. He was trying to date me but after finding out he had a girlfriend that ended that. Nothing has ever happened between us and it never will. We are like family.

Now as a woman I am a little leary of a man with too many female friends. That just screams ‘fuck buddy’ to me. If I can see that it is a real friendship and I can actually meet and her see then fine. But if you are always keeping her in the dark and crap then I will need to take a rain check.

the only ex I am currently civil with is Z’s dad and that is the only reason. and I still want to light his ass on fire.

@ miss:

I cosign on being leery of a man w/ too many female friends (or the opposite). And I’m also leery of a man that easily makes friends w/ women, but dudes get the stiff arm because he says “I don’t really know dude”. Kneegrow, you don’t really know that broad either, so wuit playing games.

‘Kneegrow’

**dead**

lmao…I think I don’t like when a guy has like 100 female ‘friends’ to every 2 male homeboys…just don’t sit right. How are you making all these female friends?

I have lots of guy friends but they don’t outnumber females and I also spend most of my time with my girlfriends…outings, trips, etc. The guys I am close to don’t get all my time and attention.

@Blaze

How come ALL of ur exes are married….and you not? Oh wait…I forgot you live in Chocolate City. Scratch that question.

You still get a **raised eyebrow/side-eye** combo cuz after you, all these chicks are like “Phuck this…I’m OUT the game. Put a ring on it homie!’ Very very suspect IMO….

@Blaze
Tell me Chels didn’t just go there…LOL @ out the game.

@ Chelsea:

Girl please. A straight man in any metro area won’t get married until he is sick of being the oldest dude in the club, or he has sowed his wild oats for a long, long time. Yeah, a man has to find the right one, but best believe his “right one” vision is a little skewed when there are so many out there for the picking.

@Red

Oh I went there. I…WENT…there! lol…

@JAT

You right, hence the reason I retracted my question. Lmao@oldest dude in the club (Why did Moeski pop into my mind when I read that? “Come on over here, Honey Dip, and let me change ya life!”

ROTFLMAO! Like Jerome (from Martin series)…”Its Jerome the PLAYA, from the HIMALAYAS!”

I crack myself up!

@Chels
I’m in Atl, but DC is home. That comment aside, I still got love for ya. ;)

@JAT
When we get tired of being the old man @ the club, we just start going to lounges and bars! lol There’s a lot of validity in what you said.

@ Red:

LOL, yeah, you are right. So you are the old(er) pimp in ATL talking bout “you can get whatever you like.” Like blaze, you must be rotten because living in DC and ATL spoils black men horribly.

@JAT
If I was out there like that, it would be REAL easy to be spoiled by ATL’s phinest. But I’m rolling with just one now. She does a great job spoiling me and keeping my mind off what’s out there in them skreets.

Moe Guns and Blaze up in the club wearing their FUBU and Lugg Bootz trying to catch some young tenders…

@ Miss:

Ha! You almost made me spit my Aquafina out on my monitor.

Plus, blaze strikes me more as the dude up in the open mic poetry spot, then the lounge afterwards, in his button down and dockers slacks, trying to be an elevated brother… hahahaha

Moe is that dude that would come up to you in Lowes or the auto parts store, trying to be all handy and whatnot

lmao@Moe Guns! FUBU and Lugg bootz? STOP THE MADNESS!

@Red

Glad you still got love for a pimp. Its hard out here in these ’skreets’ as you call them.

And may I ask (since ur the only XYer up in here with a steady lady) what keeps u happy in ur relationship. No R-ratedness tho, plz. I AM eating lunch at the moment

@EC
Well damn…A brother steps away for a brief meeting and I see all this foolishness out here. I see the gloves are completely back on…EC is in rare form..lol

@Chelz
Im good because I never had any SO’s renege on any marriage plans. Hate to do all that planning and nothing happens…next time dont be so anxious…It’ll only be some time when your bitter again and back on that celibavy tip..

@J Thought
I do like open mic spots and lounges but I can get on any level…older or young tenders sans lugg boots and dockers…lol..U got me confused with those S. Florida cars u and Chelz be dealing with.

@Ms Miss
Your my girl so Im going to let you slide because your one my favorite of the EC’s

She satisfies me on just about every level. I’m talking something deeper than the physical, we connect, we bond, we share. I’m a lil older now. I’ve done all my wildin’ out. My needs aren’t the same as they were 10 yrs ago…hell even 5 yrs ago.

For Blaze and Moe, they may not be ready. Or the right one hasn’t come along for them. Who knows.

@Blaze

lol@Boondocks reference

Boy, please. I KNOW you not makin fun of the ‘Fiance that Never Was’ up in this bish!

‘next time dont be so anxious…It’ll only be some time when your bitter again and back on that celibacy tip..’

Don’t make me hurt you…

@Red

Moe is 154 years old! That kneegrow (thanks JAT) is bout to run out of woman to mate with in a minute!

As for Blaze…I’m pretty sure he resembles a troll or Fraggle of some sort so he may not HAVE any real options…just my opinion tho…

HA!

LOL@Chelz

Red please ask Chelz to post her pic in a um… two peice get up again….Talkin about Fraggle in this piece… Fake Buffy lol

rotflmao@Fake Buffy

Why you hatin? You ain’t complain when the two-piece pic was posted! Now you wanna kick all that big ish all AFTER the fact, right?

I tell you, ya’ll ninjas KILL me! Miss me with that, boy!

You knew better…

@ blaze:

FYI - I don’t mess w/ South Florida dudes. Or ATL dudes for that matter. I can do without the headaches, thank you very much.

And I said dockers. You lucky I didn’t say dickies. You know you rock the matching orange pants and top with your Chi Bears Air force ones! LOL

@ Chelsea:

Dang, you didn’t have to go at Moe like that. Usually he’s the first one to make peace w/ the EC when blaze and and1 get out of pocket.

Plus, men never run out of options to mate. There is always someone ready to take up a crusty old man, especially if he has paper. Personally, I don’t do the geriatrics. Too bad they stalk my arse in the club though.

What you mean ‘knew better’?

LOL@J Thought
Ok…Cause I can really seeing you wearing that Erykah Badu natural wig with some fight the power medallions around your neck yelling no power, no justice at an anti-male rally

@JAT

but Moeski-nator IS 154 y/o! I love him to death, but the man worries me. He’s raised a daughter and is at the height (?) of his career and he doesn’t have a wife or even a potential! Instead he’s out there slanging the dack like he’s gettin community service hrs for the ish! SUSPECT!

My afro is all natural. And more like Angela Davis. But that’s still no comparison to your incense burning, Keith Sweat CD playing, lemme set the mood right with some el-cheapo Chardonnay cuz the ladies like it self. Ashy kneecaps peeking from underneath that silky robe Jin-Na sold you at the flea market and said it was a smoking jacket.

I’m putting in a request for the 2piece pic! lol

^^ was at blaze

And @ Chelsea:

Well, since, if my info is correct, I am halfway between your age and Moe’s, I will not comment on that. And I told you, a lot of people are getting married later, especially men. And, he probably was all scarred after his baby mama and him didn’t work out. You know how men make every woman pay for the one time the get their heart broken.

LOL…Alright J Thought…you’re reaching. I just hope your afro pick is the one with the fist on the handle..j/k

‘But that’s still no comparison to your incense burning, Keith Sweat CD playing, lemme set the mood right with some el-cheapo Chardonnay cuz the ladies like it self. Ashy kneecaps peeking from underneath that silky robe Jin-Na sold you at the flea market and said it was a smoking jacket.’

Girl, I be needing a respirator every day cuz of you! And Moe’s azz always has ALL the answers but yet…no evidence that he livin his own life right.

@Red

Lol…don’t let Blaze mislead you. There is no ‘donk’ being shown in the bikini pic in question. And I don’t think I’ll be posting it.

That is all

In Moes defense you all need to hold your comments since he’s not here to defend himself….that ish isn’t cool.

@Red
Not that type of donk but there’s a donk

@ blaze:

You better be glad I don’t know you well enough to really sling some mud.

And I want one of those afro pics! The authentic one, though, not the cheap version in the beauty supply store. My hair has to be worked into an afro, and I need quality tools.

@Blaze

What type of ‘donk’ ar you referring to then?

And Moeski is my buddy. We not talkin bad about him. Just stating facts.

@JAT

you natural? My mom went natural about 2 years ago and she loves it! I’m a tad bit hesistant tho…but I envy women who are natural and gorgeous.

@ Chelz:

You can’t judge everything by what people say. Some people could be lying, others could just refrain from putting their business out in the streets. And not being married is not necessarily an indication that someone isn’t living their life right. I’d rather someone not get married than to get married to the wrong person, or be the wrong person for someone else.

J Thought
Dont get it twisted I like afros and natuarals..Some can be sexy as hell..

@ Chelz:

Yup, all natural, going on 3 years now (been natural most of my life, but I had a few years when I experimented with a relaxer). I have my moments when I get sick of it, because finding the right products for your hair is a pain in the butt.

@ blaze:

I’m working on mine. It looks way better pinned up because then you get some sexy tendrils here and there. But when it’s all down, it’s too long to be a short style, and too short to pull of that holly robinson-peete look.

@JAT

i’m not judging him…just wondering what he’s waiting for. I, at this point, don’t really believe in marriage. Or seriously dating anyone for that matter, but others believe in it. For those that do, I wonder what issues are stopping them from attaining the goal they desire. That’s all

Chelz
Thats easier said than done. Im sure we all could’ve popped the question, been married, divorced with 3 kids….would that remove us from being suspect?

@Chelz
I’ll gv you my personal email addy, so you can fwd the Donkness my way. lol

@JAT
I like a Natural Woman. Keep doing what your doing.

@Blaze

YOUR azz will ALWAYS be suspect, so do whatever you want. And I asked you what ‘donk’ you were referring to. Answer me!

@Red

I’m tellin you, you lettin Blaze give you the wrong impression of the pic.

@Chels
Let’s clear up any “misconfusings”. Send me the pic.

*** sits eating her yogurt as Chelsea and blaze goes back and forth. Also wonders if she’s suspect because she actually went ring shopping with a dude, but is still unmarried…****

And she was in the middle of plannning process., dress picked out, euurrything….talkin about suspect?

@Red
I’m tryna tell ya…you’ll be a pedophile if you look at that pic…

@JAT

hmmm…everybody is suspect. Don’t take offense. This is just Chelsea’s Opinion. No need to question yourself cuz of some mess I say…lol

@ Blaze:

want to make it clear I was talking about myself in my last post. *** goes back to eating yogurt***

@Blaze

I’m also only 20…and we didn’t get married cuz HIS suspect azz decided to drop off the face of the Earth.

And I’m legal. Ain’t no pedophilia goin on round here!

Blaze & I go back. I’m gonna have to listen to him and leave that pic issue alone. I can’t be ending up on Dateline or some other crazy isht!

@Red

lol…whatever. I’m reading your blog. Ish is HILARIOUS and your kids are cute!

Chels, thnx for checking me out. *taking a bow* I appreciate the compliment on the kids.

you welcome…

Da hell are Preston and Reina?

@ Chelsea - It’s like I heard you call my name.

@ Everyone — what’s good folks? Oh and I agree with every word of this articles…

@ preston:

Hey u. I guess we have to invoke your name, and then you appear.

Plus, you’re on west coast time, so u always show up late.

Got any good dirt on blaze? I need fodder for the next time he gets too big for his britches…

@Preston

Its cuz you love me baby! You always appear when you know I want you most (still seducing!)

Anyway…what’s good? How’s the Cali entertainment world goin for ya in the New Year?

@JAT — Yes I’m still west coasting it, so it makes me a bit tardy. As for Blaze, sorry I have no dirt. Maybe there is none. I don’t have any :)

@Chelsea — You are a persistent seducer. Cali is cool. Still great weather and awful traffic. The entertainment biz, like the rest of the country has been almost scared into paralysis by the economy and possible actor’s strike. hopefully the one gets better and the other doesn’t happen… Personally — I’m straight tho

@Preston

You been ghost, but I am now trying to build my team and possibly groom some MVPs. It ain’t looking all that promising, but I am accepting applications, try-outs and walk-ons at the moment. Free agents and all other hopefuls welcome….so yeah, my seduction skills have to be persistant and on-point

I’m late to the BBQ, but here are my 2 cents. I have a male best friend, and nearly every guy I’ve dated became envious of our friendship. Excluding the supposed possibility of sex, I guess the fact that I run to my bf first when it came to great and bad news bothered them. My bf and I have never disrespected either of each others’ respective relationships though he does provide advice when I should cut bait. And since I’ve trusted him more than any guy I’ve dated, I tend to take heed.

@JAT — and thanks for coming by and showing us some love. personally, I think if you’re a male over the age of 15 or so…and you’re teacher wants to fuck you…and you do it. It’s a victimless crime. lol…I mean she should be fired…but Jail??? nah… lol

@ Preston:

No problem. You guys are hilarious. But that teacher should go to jail. Need to stop the fuckery that says men should start ho’ing around as soon as they can get their little peters up. This is the first step to eliminating some of the double standards in this society. Note, I personally vote for the double standard that says men should protect women be the last to go. I don’t want my dude looking at me sideways if a crazy jumps out a dark alley at us.

And, on another tip, if I come out to Cali, I presume you are showing me the town? I’m trying to figure out where I’m going to travel this year, and I’ve never been out west…

@ Reina:

Bienvenudo (is that right?)! I took a salsa class (Vegas style) last night, and it was taught almost completely in Spanish. I had fun, even if I had to wait for them to demonstrate before I could join in. My partner was pissed, but oh well.

@everyone

Hello! So late I know.

I had an issue with a female best friend once, but the relationship fizzled quickly because of other things so she really wasn’t that big of an issue I suppose…:-)

@JAT — I can give you a tour of the west side. but it would depend on when you come. between you and me, I may not be here that much longer. I grew up a NJ/NY kid. I miss home. May swap LA for NY…maybe…

@ Preston:

Booo! The year that I can travel, all my peeps and new cyber-pals are all frickin unavailable.

Guess I need to hurry up and get there. But I’m waiting to see if my homegirl wants to travel with me to either essence or Mia. need to know how much moolah I have to set aside.

@ Preston

Maybe? Since when is the move maybe?

@ Just

LOL Context clues!

@ Reina:

I know. I could tell how many times they wanted us to do something, but a turn wasn’t just a turn, they had all these names! Yes, I have lived in FL forever and I should know some Spanish, but I don’t. It did help that my partner was a good leader, so after a while he jsut started showing me.

@ Just

Well, you had arguably the most important aspect (rhythm being the other), an effective leader! Was he cute? Does he need a new best friend?

@ Reina:

No, he was not cute. And he was definitely not impressed w/ my lack of spanish skills. I was the only non-speaker in the class, and unfortuntely for me, I blended in the skin tone spectrum. There was one guy, very tall, that I might try to partner w/ next time…

@ Just

Oh, so when’s the next class?

@Just
If you come down to Cali, I may need to be on hand for that. Just so’s I know who I’m sparring with from time to time.

*cough* Since you’re afraid to put a pic up & such.

@Reina - yes it’s more than maybe. yes it’s definite. Oh and thank you for helping me move. I like it here on Front Street. Great views…

@ and1:

Scared? Ha! More like technologically deficient and not prepared to purchase a camera phone. But lemme do some digging…

@ Reina:

Next Tuesday! I’ll let you know how it goes.

@ Preston:

What’s the ETA on your move?

@JAT - less than a month. I’ll have to return to LA often for business…but yeah, it will be soon.

@Reina - SMH — Front Street…

Fly, the bottom line is that it all comes down to trust. YES, my best friend for the longest was a guy. YES…at one time we had slept together. But people get over each other and move on. Some find that they are better at being friends, than lovers and they never step over that boundary again. I am sure that it is hard for a man who is attracted to his woman to believe that other men do not want to hit it….but the bottom line is…what is a relationship if it’s not built on trust? I’d say the only time you need to worry is if she doesn’t bring him around or if she does and he can’t look you in the eyes man to man. THEN YOU WORRY!

Great post! I think their so problem to date and being hooked in love with your best friend. It would be nice because for a long time you knew each other and share thoughts. Thank you for posting. Cheers.

i think this article is interesting. seeing that i myself happen to be really good friends ( i dont know about best friends)with an ex, this article is oddly familiar.

here’s what i have to say.

First, the notion that a SO should try to replace the best friend or in my case close friend is interesting but it neglects the simple truth that SO relationships take time, and sometimes, they don’t work out(shocking, I know).

instant, overnight boyfriend to best friend status jumps are unheard of because friendships need history. this is the shit that i think drives SOs crazy the history that other people have had. not just the fact that the SO is of the opposite sex, it’s where/what theyve been through.

with respect to this, FlyGuy’s approach is right on.

the one thing that i dont agree with is the notion that men should exhibit their “willingness to step up to the plate to become all that his woman needs and desires in a man.”

i can only speak for myself when i say that sounds ultra-stifling, and archaic. no one person can embody all that someone else needs, nor should they strive for such an existence. that shit sounds horrible. real talk, if you’re not funny, you’re prolly not ever going to be funny. no point in telling lame-ass jokes, embarrassing me in public and what-not, lol.

be the dopest f*@king person you can be. and realize that as humans thats all we can do. and as lovers, love takes time. i had a life before you, i’ll hopefully have a life with you and if it doesnt work out, ill have a life after you. but like someone up there says, trust.

this post is 50% me and 50% Jack Daniels, he and I wish you all a good day. :)

see i have a theory… I believe ones you’ve crossed that line of being more that platonic friends i’m inclined to think that your significant other has a right to feel uneasy.Fair enough it was a long time ago and you are just strictly friends now but you can’t tell me that at some point the past doesn’t cross your mind, maybe once a year or once every two years, the point is you think about it and just because you know it’s strictly friendship from you, you can’t guarantee what goes on in your friends mind. And as far as i’m concerned you are friends through condition and not just friends. simple as. So when your significant other starts telling you that he doesn’t like the fact XY is always around, instead of getting on your defenses think of ways to make him feel relaxed and at ease about him.

@Deezy
Well said…especially your last paragraph

morning folks

Morning all!

Nisha & Fabie:

Aren’t you all in the DC area? I know blaze is. Anywho, I might be up that way the weekend of Jan. 31.

Morning all!

@JAT

What are you coming up to our parts for? It is too cold…save yourself and stay in FL. :-)

Hey Blue!

I know it’s cold, but sacrifices must be made. I’m thinking of applying for some jobs up there, and need to see the lay of the land. I’ve been in the DC/Baltimore area in the summer, so I need to see what winter is like.

And I live in north Florida. There was frost all over my car this morning, and it will only get up to 45 degrees tomorrow.

@JAT

The sad thing is that I would now kill for 45 degrees. :-) lol

J Thought
So you’re coming my way?…U can get all the dirt you want on me when you do..

@ blue:

I feel you. My mother is in Detroit, and she called to complain about how cold it is there. She was ungracefully giddy at hearing that I had to scrape off my car.

@ blaze:

You and I both know you aren’t giving up dirt. But you can hook a sista up with an excellent magarita.

J Thought
I really dont have any dirt but I got you on a margarita..if you’re good i’ll take u to a spot that serves a mean Mohito if you like those.

never had a mojito. Willing to try though :-)

What are your big plans for yout birthday this weekend? U need to be up here…ish is going to be bananas

Good Morning People!

Morning Reina!

Whats up Reina… How cold is it up in NY?

@ Deezy

I do agree with friendships requiring history. It’ll take an extreme amount of time and hardships for me to trust any man as much as I trust my best friend. He’s been there and guided me through much & vice versa so for any man that I’m romantically involved with to become as intrinsic to my life, it won’t be a quick journey.

Hi Blaze & Just!

I think it’s about 15 here and snowing.

its an icy and frigid 66 here…

Whats happenin brethren and sistren.

I cant say I’d ever want to REPLACE a friend. I’d rather just add to them.

@JAT
I agree with blaze. You should come up THIS weekend.

Chelsea
How’s that roster shaping up?

@blaze

Yeah, not looking forward to the bananas that will be this weekend.

Blue
Do you have people coming in from out of town?

@blaze

Yeah, not a lot but two people who have never been to the area so I can’t just send them on their merry way.

You def have to show them a good time. I have the same situation…I have 6 people from Chi who have never been here before. Are you all hanging out..?

@ and1

Am I not enough for you? Will I not sufficiently entertain?

@Reina
You sound like Gladiator. “ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED? ARE. YOU. NOT. ENTERTAINED!?!?” *throws sword down*

@ and1

I do look hot in bronze armor.

@ everyone

Who has lived with a significant other? Would you recommend it?

We will be around on Saturday. That is as far as I have gotten in the planning process…Maybe on U Street on Monday. I am not in a host place right now.

What’s up peeps?!

I have a few minutes to kill…so I thought I’d grace you with my presence. Apparently I’ve been missed. Chelsea, JAT, and Miss took it upon themselves to talk ish when I’m not around. Typical of Chelsea…but JAT & Miss too? Your stock is now about as valuable as pets.com (Google dot-com bust)…and you all are about as dirty as the sock puppet they used in the commercials.

Blue
I feel you….def need an agenda ahead of time or you’ll get lost. Half of my people are going to the Illinois Ball and the others Im sending to Love…perfect spot for out of town cats who never been to DC…

@Reina
I havent but I would recommend it, based on those who have. I think its a good idea to get a feel for what type of living arrangement you two would need and the required adjustments. That said, I’ve never bought the whole “why buy the cow…” argument so its not a factor for me.

lol @ moe. Came back throwing haymakers. I’m gonna need you to be on IM later on yo.

@and1
What’s up bruh? I’ll log on tonight.

Hi Moe!

@ and1

I haven’t either, but everyone around me has. I’m starting to feel like I’m missing a rite of passage.

@blaze

Yeah that Illinois ball is going to be sick. I should send them to Love…so they can be at seen and be seen type place. I have been and wasn’t that impressed so will pass.

What’s up Reina?! What’s good? Are you getting ready to move in with someone?

@ Moe

I’m trying to trap someone into marriage. That’s my 2009 resolution. Figured “shacking up” is where I should begin.

@Reina

Are you planning to run the playbook on him once you’ve shacked up?

1. Pretend like you enjoy cooking
2. Pretend to be a nympho
3. Pretend like you’re interested in sports

Then after the wedding…

1. Stock up on Progresso soup
2. Retire the cookie
3. And accidently break the plasma TVs during his favorite sports season

@ Moe

Damn. How do you know me so well? :-P

Mojito?? Did somebody say mojito??! Yum
Morning everybody! oops its afternoon already.
Moeski!!! where have you been??

@Moeski

See…i’ve developed a formula. A lot of you losers actually be lurking and ish…so I decided that once I talk ish about you or call you out….MAGICALLY you appear. Like a damn ELF or sumthing….

Welcome back homie!

@Blaze

the roster? eh…its coming…not too much faith in anyone reaching MVP status…but there are some good players in there…overall its a decent team.

@Reina

Call it a hunch. ;-)

Your picture is a good example of the satisfaction you would feel after you’ve secured the ring and brought complete devastation to his life. And Chelsea wonders why I’m a happy bachelor.

@Reina

TRAP a man into marriage…isn’t that usually how its goes anyway? You have to trap them…they ain’t gon WILLINGLY agree to merge assets and closet space with you just cuz you’re a good woman.

No…they must be trapped and dragged to the altar.

Chelz
Role players are always good..it takes time to find a franchise player.

@Fab

They’ve been making me earn my money. Play time is over.

@Chelz

Sometimes I’ll check out the sight when I get home. No since in posting because everyone is gone for the day anyway. But I’m slacking off for a little while today. I’m tired of sitting in them damn meetings.

@Blaze

I noticed you stepped up for me yesterday…good lookin’ out bruh!

Hi Fabie!

@ Chelz

Merge closet space? Yeah, I don’t share the closet. And I’m not going to trap him. Just club him over the head and drag him.

@ Moe

Why would a ring satisfy me?

Hit submit too quickly.

@ Moe

I’m much more concerned with what happens after the ring.

@Reina

‘I’m trying to trap someone into marriage.’

Wouldn’t a ring be the equivolent to an Oscar for your magnificent pre-wedding performance?

@Moe
No problem bruh…Im sure you would do the same for me. I stepped away for a meeting, came back, and Chelz, J Thought, & Miss had me on blast….Lugg boots and FUBU…lol..Straight foolishness

@Reina

‘I’m much more concerned with what happens after the ring.’

I know. I was responding to your goal for 2009.

@ Moe

No. A wedding/ring would like the Golden Globe. I want marriage, and an amazing one would be the Oscar. Actually, I’d prefer to call it the Pulitzer.

@Blaze

No doubt. Lugg boots and FUBU?! They can’t be serious. We may as well put on Adidas sweatsuits, shell-toes, and Gazelles.

@Moe
You know…

@blaze

I did not suggest the ‘old man in the club/bar/lounge’ attire…I think that was Miss…i did laugh tho!

@Moeski

Being that you’re 137 years old, I’m surprised you even know how to use a computer, so I’m grateful that you have the ability to check in on us err now and then

@Reina

You’re right. I have two walk-in closets in my new place full of clothes. Merging would not be possible. Strike that from the record, ma`am.

@Reina

I can respect that. I want an amazing marriage as well. Getting married just for the sake of getting married is plain dumb. I have several friends working on their second marriages now…and one who wishes he could afford to get out of his first one. I’m taking my sweet time on that one. I want to get it right the first time.

@Fake Buffy
Its all good….the gloves are back on…

@Chelz

I was working on computers when you were still swimming around in your father’s reproductive aquarium. But I’m glad you missed me anyway.

@Blaze

Ok…Fake Buffy? Just cuz of the bikini pic? I’m not following…

‘father’s reproductive aquarium’

bwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…that was a good Dome-r Simpson!

Nah Chelz….perhpas its your smile

@ Reina:

I’m am madd late (had to go to a meeting).

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT live with an SO. If you are going to make that move, do it after the wedding. Trust me.

*** going back to reading to catch up****

@ Moe

I just read that single men after the age of 37 who have never been married probably never will. Your thoughts?

Whatever Bushwick Bill…I ain’t bout to argue with you and you’re grandpappy over there.

@Reina

That doesn’t apply to me. I’ll get married one day, and it won’t take long for me to make my decision to do so. I believe I’ll “just know”. Maybe it’s a family thing, because most of my male relatives held off on marriage until their 30s & 40s.

@J Thought
Getting back to something you said yesterday …..what kind of sign is it that each of my ex’s married the guy right after me?

Now that I’ve had some time to reflect…

@ Moe:

You know you rock the zoot suits and stacy adams, in the club drinking Crown Royal trying to look cool like you did back in ‘78.

@ blaze:

Boy Bye!

@ and1:

You try getting a flight into DC this week. I started looking at the end of Sept, and it was too rich for my blood. I do accept applications for willing sponsors tho.

@Chelz

Once you graduate from high school…maybe I’ll give you my daughter’s email address so she can mentor you on how a young lady is supposed to carry herself. She can be your Big Sister. lol

@JAT

You must have been my jitterbug partner…cause you ain’t no spring chicken either. lol

@ blaze:

Actually, Chelz said that. But, they were ready, you were, they may have learned how to pick someone else who worked better for them, it could have been the eff you move (see, I am worth marrying, you coldhearted bastard). Or, you could have broken some poor girl’s heart and she put a hex on you like Good Luck Chuck (yes, I watched that movie, and yes, it was 2hrs of my life that I can never redeem).

But seriously, if you ain’t ready, you ain’t ready. Men have the luxury of being semi-retarded in that sense.

@ Moe

Ok. I don’t think I’ll just know. I truly think I’ll be the one being dragged to the altar. He’d have to knock me up to get me to commit.

@Moe

wow…that cut me deep.

**runs to bathroom to cry**

On the real the only boys you all know are the ones on your college campuses….

@ moe:

still younger than you. And I can still pass for 19. That is something your forced baldy will not allow you to do.

@J Thought
So all the rebound dudes are benefitting

@Reina

It won’t be that hard to get you to commit. But I’m sure a baby would definitely speed up the process. lol

@ blaze:

No, I know some grown men. and the ones who are ready to get married usually have married friends, or they just decided “I will be married by _____” and whomever the lucky girl is that they are dating at that time, that’s the one who gets the ring. I lived w/ a guy, and he had a schedule about when he wanted to get married & have kids, and he fastracked that plan when his two best friends got engaged.

@JAT

Until you post a “real” picture…any references to your appearance are about a worthless as that pets.com stock I mentioned earlier. lol

@ blaze:

Yup, rebound dudes benefit. But at least you can say you are a great training experience? Or you can be like Jigga and say “I don’t effin need ‘em”

@Chelz

Put some Witch Hazel on it..it’s not that deep. lol

lmao@Witch Hazel

anyway…marriage? Idk…as Blaze so happily pointed out yesterday “Im good because I never had any SO’s renege on any marriage plans. Hate to do all that planning and nothing happens…next time dont be so anxious…It’ll only be some time when your bitter again and back on that celibavy tip..”

He was right. I was so excited about being asked by someone who from the outside looked like the perfect partner that I kinda forgot to realize that I am only 20 (well 18-19 at the time) and that I would be an idiot to think that no other guy would ever think I was ‘good enough’ to call his wife. I think that’s where a lot of ppl (male and female) go wrong. If I was meant to married, I would be. If not then am I suspect? Probably but who really cares?

As long as I have a kid by the time I’m 26 then I’m fine…

@J Thought
I can never put a time table on when I get married or just settle on who im dating just to be in a fast track

@ Moe

LOL Haven’t you been told that when someone is telling you who they are, listen? Trust me when I tell you that getting me to the altar will be no easy feat.

@ Chels

Why 26?

@ Chelsea:

Marriage before baby. Marriage isn’t guaranteed, but it helps to have someone there to help. Plus, when that little crumbsnatcher gets to screaming and spitting up and acting a durn fool, it helps to actually love and be committed to the person who implanted that little clone in you.

@ blaze:

That was him. I think (hope) he’s grown in that aspect. He’s engaged now, so I would bet that he has.

*gets popcorn*
Yall are in rare form today!
Carry on…

@Reina

So my womb will still be in operating order. My mom predicts me getting married and having children very late in life. 26 is late enough!

@JAT

in a perfect world, yes. Marriage, house, picket fence, baby…blah blah blah. But I want to be a mom more than I want to be a wife.

@J Thought & Chelz
I think women get caught up with the idea of marriage than what really comes with it. I hear women giving guys unltimatums after some odd years by threatening to leave them…why does marriage have to be an end all?

@Reina

Yes, I have heard that many times. Well I’m sure your SO will have a wonderful time planting his seeds until that day comes. lol

@ Chelsea

So my womb may not be working? LOL

@ Moe

Wow…

@Blaze

you’re right. Women do. I know personally I don’t want to be with a guy for several years and have him never even consider me the person he marries.

Maybe marriage isn’t important to him. If its important to me and he doesn’t want to do it, then that means we have completely different mind sets and I need to find someone who thinks along the same lines as I do.

So, in that instance, yes, I would probably leave. Not threaten. Just observe, decide and follow through.

@Reina

You said he would have to knock you up to get you to the altar. lol

@ blaze:

Who doesn’t want to be loved so much by another person that they are willing to spend the rest of their lives with you? Yeah, it’s work, and it’s hard, but there is nothing like someone workig with you to build a life together. It’s the ultimate Bonnie and Clyde thing.

Furthermore, after a while (this length of time depends on the couple), you start to exist not as me and you but “us”. That’s when the level of effort kicks up to marriage level. If you are not willing to go that extra mile, then you should not reap the benefits. I personally don’t think marriage is an end all or be all, but I will not be just a couple forever. And, since I’ve been there done that as far as living with a dude I wasn’t married to, I am not willing to repeat that just so he can decide if I’m worth it.

@Reiana

lol…no. Yours in probably doin fine…its just a guideline I set for myself. Guideline I said. Not goal.

@ Reina:

If your womb isn’t working, then mine is nonexistent!

@ Chelsea:

I want to be a wife more than a mom. Kids are negotiable. And I can’t afford a surrogate or a nanny…

@Blaze

would you ever move in with an SO?

@J Thought
I agree with you..but if you remember this quote..

“All of these people running around here jumping, skipping, falling in love……falling in love ain’t shit. Somebody talk to me, PLEASE, about how to stay there?”

Staying in love is a job. Gotta find someone willing to put in the work, grow with you, etc. Most people who stay together for a long time have cyclical periods in their relationship. I don’t expect my man to be head over heels for me forever, but I do expect him to work to maintain what we have.

@ Just

You’re turning 27 or 28?

@ Chels

Gotcha.

Well peeps…I have to get back to the real world. It was fun. Until next…Peace!

@Chelz
Nah, I wouldn’t move in with a SO…only after we’re engaged….I came from a single family household so my situation has to be in order the right way…which is why im probably more cautious about jumping out there than the average guy. Id rather wait and do it right than have a divorce on my resume…not a good look but it happens.

@Moe
Be easy bruh

@Chelz

I used to think 27/28 for marriage but now that I am about to be 25, I am thinking more along the lines of 30+. I have too much I want to get together beforehand. I also have to give medicine the time to come up with pregnancy medication I can take as soon as I get to the hospital so I feel NO pain. lol

@Fab

hey! ready for the inauguration onslaught?

@ Moe:

Bye homie!

@ Reina:

28 on Sunday. I so thought I would have been married by now. But oh well. At least there’s shopping…

@ blue:

I’ve heard epidurals do wonders. They won’t give you anything until you dialate to 5 cm or else you’d be in labor for every & would have to get an emergency c-section.

Hey blue,
Im trying not to think about it!! Im not going anywhere starting Monday LOL
What about you?

I just talked about something close to this on my blog :) Ive never mind my man having girlfriends because i have alot of guy friends and i dont want to stop being their friend. Mature adults and mature relationships can endure things like that lol Sometimes!!!! LOL

@JAT

Yup, epidurals are cool but the waiting not really my deal. I have to wait for medicine to come up with something that I don’t have to wait for and eliminates the side effects. :-)Hmmm maybe I am just a punk.

@fab

I am not excited about it. Will be much more excited once D.C. gets back to normal but I have to leave to play host for at least a bit.

@ Just

Dammit. I think songbird is the only female that’s older than me. Boo!

@ everyone

We have to wish Preston a “Happy Belated Birthday.” His was on Sunday.

@ Reina:

Hmm, I thought I was older than you. Oh well. But unlike Chelsea (wink wink) I will not gloat.

@ Fab:

But it’s a historic event! You have to go out and at least witness the foolery that will go down.

@JAT

Gloat? I do NOT ‘gloat’…I just want to (finally) turn 21 and I’ll be happy. Do you know how frustrating it is to have everyone THINK you’re 23-29(?)and then treat you as such when you can’t even (legally) enter a casino or go to a bar and have a damn apple martini?

Lemme answer that for you…VERY!

And when they find out how old (young) you REALLY are, they wanna hit you with that ‘oh…I never woud have guessed you were only a BABY!’…..

Grrrrr…….

JAT,
N get trampled to death? oh no, ill pass
Blue,
you’re playing host? where? (if you dont mind me asking)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY Man-Whore..i mean, Prez ;)

@ Chelsea:

Yes, I went through that, even with my friends and exes who were only s few months to a year older than me.

Funny thing is, I never got carded until I turned 21.

And that whole “you’re a baby” thing will never go away, as long as there are people who are older than you. I get treated like that at work because I am the only person in my twenties, one of the few that has never been married, and I don’t have any kids. Plus I’m in school, so they all think I just came out the womb.

@Reina - thank you. i like it here on front street. nice views.

@Fabie - thanks for the birthday wishes

@JAT - thanks for the incognito birthday wishes.

@everyone — hello

@ Preston:

I hit you up on your site!

Anywho, since you’re leaving Hollywood before the end of the month, when are you going to be out that way again? I need a three week notice to plan my flight (and by when are you going to be out there, I mean when are you going to be out there on a Friday and Saturday)

@ Preston

Aww! I’d live on Front Street with you. I have a question, Mr. Swagger. How long does it take for a man to decide to commit to a female that he’s dating? How much time passes?

@Fab

Nowhere in particular. I was speaking as to playing the good host for people staying at my house.

If I were hosting a party, all my DMV fly people would be down.

@Blue
U need to host a party…

@Preston
Happy Belated! How old are you now?

@blaze

I’ll do the hosting if you do all the logistics :-)

@Blue
I got you….what do you need me to bring…drinks, food, people…?

@and1 — Thanks man. I just hit the dirty.

@Reina - Different lengths of time for different guys. Sometimes you get a girl and you IMMEDIATELY know you’ll be fine with just her. Most times it takes a little while to realize this. Couple of months for me or less and I’ll know if we’ll EVER be exclusive.

@Reina — Just my take — fellas jump in por favor

I agree Preston

@Preston

We all know from that first couple of weeks or so if its gonna work out for the long haul or not. I think where the fault lies is when ppl decide to overlook this obvious feeling and drag the ish out…

@blaze

I’ll have to get back to you on that..but def. add location to that list because I doubt people are coming out to MD.

Its all good blue….Im sure everyone will be going any many different directions…As long as my people have a good time Im good. They’re investing time and money to come here so I want to make it worthy for them and Im sure you do as well. What part of MD are u in?

@ Preston

2 months? I’ll subscribe to that.

@Reina
I agree with Pres. A couple of months…probably 3.

@blaze

PG, yeah I am def. trying to make it fun and moderately cheap because some of these parties in the area are ridiculous.

Blue
Try the lounges ( dont start Thought)…like 201 and Jin..shouldn’t be that much.

@ and1

3 months is just ridiculous. 2 months is stretching it.

Reina
What are a list of things a guy must possess for him to have an opportunity with you?

@blaze - I’m gonna take a guess at what Reina’s gonna say.

ambition, sense of humor, intelligence (especially a good vocabulary), well groomed, well hung, well read — some sense of style, and no fear of spiders.

@ Preston

Pretty damn accurate. Kudos to you, sir. Let me just add faith, an open mind, and a hard body. And oh, no fear of any insect/reptile/etc.

@ blaze:

Me start w/ you? Nah… at least not now.

@ Preston, and1, and blaze:

a couple of months to get exclusive? Hmmm, guess that’s why I’m still single, because apparently I have no clue about how you y chromosome carriers think.

@ Blaze

See 229 & 230

Ok…good luck with that..

@JAT
I thought the question had more to do with whether I see a LONG TERM future with someone. I’ll know that in about 3 months or so I think. Exclusivity wouldnt take me more than 3 dates to know.

**** wonders why when a woman lists what she’s looking for, men always say that she’s being unreasonable, unrealistic, or something to that effect. But let a dude roll out his mile long list, no one (especially not other men) says boo****

@ and1:

Gotcha.