Relationship Tug Of War

Dec 24th, 2008 | Author: admin | Category: Fly Perspectives
Comments (7)

I told her she was beautiful. She said she was having a bad hair day.

I told her she was one of the smartest people I know. She said I needed to get out more.

I told her there was no other woman for me. She said “I bet you tell all the women that.”

Note: Now normally, I would have just walked away at this point. Like most men, I easily grow tired of the constant hoops that some women make us jump through—oftentimes it’s not worth the trouble (I’m just being honest.) But she was special … so special in fact, that I decided to retool my approach.

I showered her with affection. She slowly began to let down her guard.

I listened to her problems. She began to care about mine.

I curbed my innate desire to always be “the man.” She let me lead the way.

I found a new way to show my appreciation every day. She pledged her heart to me.

There are three things that I learned from this experience:

1). Women need to learn how to get better at accepting compliments from men.

2). Men need to learn how to do more than just tell how they feel. Their actions need to do the talking.

3.) We often get more accomplished when we pull in the same direction.

Fly Question of the Day: Why do men and women engage in relationship tug of war?

Bookmark and Share       Email     Subscribe


Enjoy this article? If so, share it with a friend and subscribe to the Fly Guy Chronicles RSS feed.
PREVIOUS POST
She Said She Liked My…Crotch?
NEXT POST
7 Great Fly Guy Moments From 2008




  • http://jerseygirlbydefault.blogspot.com/ songbird

    1) There’s a few reasons women don’t take compliments easily. Could be they’re just tired of the “lines” they hear on a daily basis, and think you’re just one of the same, trying to sweet-talk to get a piece. Or, they have self-esteem issues. It took me a while to learn how to take compliments when I ended my last relationship where I never got a “you look nice today” in years.

    2) Yes, as in my #1, it’s hard for women to take it seriously when we hear that mess all the time. We need to see what you do, not just her what you say.

    3) Agreed.

  • http://www.myspace.com/205414106 REINA

    For me, it’s hard to accept a compliment because I really want to believe it, but the fear that he’s just saying what’s necessary to win me makes me skeptical. Experience breeds cynicism, and disappointments makes one less hopeful.

    However, I won’t always brush off the compliments. I’ll give him the opportunity to support them through his actions. I’m one of those women that need constant reinforcement through his words and actions.

    “I curbed my innate desire to always be “the man.” She let me lead the way.”

    How I do wish more men would embrace this.

  • http://www.myspace.com/fabielicious81 fabie

    I have to say that ive gotten much, much better at accepting compliments. But in the back of my mind, i do kinda think “is he serious? how many times has he said that?”
    2. i couldnt agreed more. Words are great but actions speak so much louder, at least to me. Of course, expressing feelings is cool but actions have to match compliment what you say.

  • Nishadiva

    I agree it is hard to really let those words sink in. You have to show and prove is my thing.

  • Just A Thought

    Yeah, I definitely had trouble taking compliments: Most of the time they were lines, and I had some work to do in the confidence dept.

    Anywho, I think men and women get in a relationship tug of war because they don’t know what it takes to really make a relationship work. It’s like you have a fuzzy idea about relationship roles, and what you want, but you don’t have a step by step guide to make it come to fruition. So, hence the battle. Eventually they’ll figure it out or just settle for what they’ve been getting.

  • http://and1grad.blogspot.com and1grad

    I try not to give a lot of compliments b/c I think they mean more when they’re given sporadically. Like mentioned earlier, there’s plenty of nonverbal ways of showing your appreciation for your SO.

    I’m not sure yet about curbing my desire to be the man. I guess it depends on what that means really. If its more about a “I’m the man so its gotta be my way” thing, I’ve never had that desire so there’s no need to curb it. But there’s probably other “I’m the man” things that I do believe in and would have a tough time curbing.

  • http://www.mamistimeout.com Jai

    I think it all goes down to baggage. People get skeptical from previous relationship experience. You definitely need to start from scratch and give the other person the benefit of the doubt. Of course that’s easier said than done. If you’ve been hurt in the past it’s going to take some time to take that wall down.