Overcoming Fear To Love

To your questions:

1) It kept me single for close to 4 years – afraid to even try to date because of fear of heartbreak and rejection. It’s also caused me to rush things with people I have dated, thinking that *I’m* the one in control when I make all the moves, and I won’t let myself get hurt… boy was I sadly mistaken.

2) New year, new me in oh so many ways. Relationship-wise, I vow to not strong-arm relationships anymore because I’ve learned that it only sabotages things, and I still get hurt in the end anyway. Need to let relationships develop organically. I will also work on my insecurities and try to not let them dictate my actions, or lack of. I am who I am, and someone doesn’t like me because of it it’s their loss, not mine and there’s nothing I can do to make someone love me.

I’m learning… I think I’ve come a long way emotionally over the years and hope to keep growing into a better, stronger, more confident woman.

Peace and love to Fly Guy and everyone here in 2009

Hey songbird!
I had allowed the past to overshadow a past dating experience.
Starting New Year, i am going to work harder to let the past stay in the past. Deal with a situation as it is and not go back to “but so-so did this to me so this one is probably doing the same thing”.

It has made me be very jaded and bitter. So, I didn’t take men seriously. But I have learned so much that I know in 2009 to not be so jaded and stop carrying bags around. Ms. Badu said it best “Bag lady, you gone miss yo bus, dragging all them bags like that…I guess nobody else told you, all you must hold onto is you”. So that’s my plan to hold on, only to me! and not what someone else did years ago.

@ Songbird I have fallen victim to these situations as well;”thinking that *I’m* the one in control when I make all the moves, and I won’t let myself get hurt” and “I will also work on my insecurities and try to not let them dictate my actions, or lack of. I am who I am, and someone doesn’t like me because of it it’s their loss, not mine and there’s nothing I can do to make someone love me”.

@ FG to answer your question, my plan is to continue doing what I have been doing for the past year and a half with my current beau with some fine tuning. This relationship can honestly be declared one of the best that I have ever been in because this man allows me to be the vulnerable woman that I always knew existed inside (I’m free to cry, display emotions and any other act that is typically equated with those of a female). So during this time that we have been dating I have tried new things such as practicing patience, communicating those things which bother me (rather than expecting him to be a mind reader and punish him when he isn’t) and letting go of the fear that because I have gripes means it’s the end of the world (yes that was a huge fear of mine). I’m going to continue to keep doing what I have been doing because it has been working. However I do need to work on the insecurities that derive from the fact that I some times wonder if/when he will cheat on me. I know that I am worthy enough for a man to be faithful to me however, when you try to be positive and continue having negative females saying the opposite sometimes the negativity prevails. I plan to work harder to not listen to that kind of talk (and realize that it more than likely stems from a woman on the verge of bitterness) and not allow those individuals to persuade their ideas on me. This is my relationship vow for 2009 and forward.

Whew, I can be long winded sometimes…can’t I. Lol

Skee-yo! Fly Guy

1. The fear of heartbreak has dramatically affected how I interact with the opposite sex. I went to a very low point in my life after a break up and because of that I am scared to love, be loved and be vulnerable. I’m very attractive so people wonder if I’m just single because I’m Halle Very crazy, but the truth is, I shy away from anything serious due to FEAR. I’m protecting my heart, but being closed off means no one can get in.

2. The steps in the new yr I’m going to take are to be more open. I think the right guy for me whenever he comes along, will make me feel comfortable enough to open up and feel those feelings again. It’s so hard because I remember how hurt I was and how it temporarily broke my self esteem and I don’t ever want to be in that place again.

wow it has been a long time since I have had a chance to comment…we have discussed my extraordinary fear of rejection…so I suppose in 2009 I could work on that. Obviously I can’t have a fear of heartbreak without getting past the rejection fear, huh? lol Happy New Year guys!

1.) OMG, yes, fear kept me paralyzed for a long time. Heartbreak from romantic love was just the final nail in the coffin, so to speak. That, plus I had a lot of insecurities that made me suspicious of anyone who showed interest/affection. Plus, I have yet to meet someone that was interested in me who hasn’t shown themselves to be a wolf in sheep’s clothing as far as my being vulnerable with them. It’s a lot of work not to get bitter when people are just sooooo trifling, and I have no one but myself to blame for choosing these jokers (acquaintances and SOs alike). Family is a whole ‘nother issue….

2. For the new year, I’ve committed to not allow people to make me angry, bitter, and resentful (no matter how many times they attempt to do so). That’s really a carry over from 2008, but it’s something that more of a lifelong thing anyway. As far as love goes, I am trying not to control everything, to be more open to people, and to be more discerning with the opposite sex.

Early 2008 I experience a divorce, thing is I am still in Iraq, so I can’t gauge how I will feel, and honestly it is one of the main things I am worried about going home. I don’t want past issues to arise in a new relationship, I also want to old off on serious relationships for awhile, but how am I going to know if I am ready to start back up? What am I going to do in the time I am putting serious commitments on hold. What if true love comes knocking at my door? What am I going to do then?

I am in the process of losing a very beautiful man because I let my past creep in and took things out on him. Any suggestions on how to win him back?

U know what they say about Kappa’s, LOL!!! And from what I’ve experienced its true!

A year ago, this song may have defined my life. Today, though I recognize it’s a great song, it just doesn’t resonate with me.

Heartbreak just made me indifferent. I tried opening my heart once, it didn’t work out, so why should I try it again? The pain of failing at a relationship in which I truly tried to give my all was scarring. Why willingly walk into that probable pain again?

Going forward, I haven’t completely shed that indifference, but I do recognize the desire for a presence in my bed. My only concern is ensuring that desire doesn’t turn into desperation. That means not settling for less than I deserve.

Forgot to say: this song comes on EVERY time i turn on the radio…coincidence? I thought not and looked up the lyrics. Yes, it does apply to me

EXCELLENT!!!

Wow…this was a wonderful topic. I’m sure everyone has been ither a victim or the culprit of loves aftermath. As humans we are genetically made to protect ourselves. When you fall and hurt yourself, usually you do something different the next time to prevent that fall. Unfortunately, love is something we all need to fall into and to experience love in its purity and entirety we HAVE to let go of the past hurts we’ve experienced from others in the past. Learn from your experinces, but don’t let them keep you from what everyone deserves…true love.

Peace & Blessings