Letting Go Of The Past

Good post. I was definitely very guilty of holding things against someone (and more than one someone) from my past.

um…”Q” I forgive you for being the selfish asshole that you once were. Now that I’ve moved on, and have a great and blessed life, I think it’s time I wished you, your kids and your two ghetto babymama’s well I hope your 7th year of undergrad is going well for you and I’m sure your goal of reaching Jay Z like status is well within reach- just hold on, keep making those beats!!!

Damn haven’t been here in awhile.
@ everyone Hi!!
Love the post, it reminds me of one of my favorite qoutes from a movie…

MYRTLE: YOU KNOW THIS MAN PUT A HURTIN’ ON YOU BABY, BUT YOU”VE GOT TO FORGIVE HIM. NO MATTER WHAT HE DONE, YOU’VE GOT TO FORGIVE HIM- NOT FOR HIM, BUT FOR YOU.

HELEN: FORGIVE HIM FOR ME?

MYRTLE: WHEN SOMEBODY HURTS YOU THEY TAKE POWER OVER YOU, IF YOU DON’T FORGIVE THEM THEN THEY KEEPS THE POWER. FORGIVE HIM BABY AND AFTER YOU FORGIVE HIM, FORGIVE YOURSELF!

-Diary of a Mad Black Woman

I remember it all the time when I want to get mad at someone who hurt me. And i tell myself that I forgive them and I forgive myself for holding on to that hurt.

@ luvin:

yeah, I have to remember to forgive myself for making the choices that allowed those things to happen. Sometimes that can be harder than forgiving the other person.

@Luvin

Thank you for that quote, I think I needed to hear that this morning!

@FG

Good Post…def. needed.

Lol@ ashley. I think I should start my own:

Thank you butthole for dumping me and blindsiding me with the fact that you were dating not only someone behind my back, but her best friend also. Thank you for closing the door to “us” (whatever that was) and for breaking my heart so that I’ll know a good man when he comes along. You’ve made it all the more easier for me to treat him like the man that you weren’t. God bless you and yours.

-T

Oh yeah, I forgive you.

Whoo! I needed that.

Here goes(clearing my throat). After a some sessions of therapy. I realize we both to blame for the horrible ending of our relationship. Dr. O, I forgive you for your one way of thinking and sincerely hope your not playing old tapes from past relationship again. If you are I hope the one day you will be able to open your heart to love to someone and not think the worst of them.

P.S.
I still think your crazy.

Goodmorning, ladies.

I was just so excited about this topic. I’ve been wanting to get it off my chest for some time now.

Not directly @ polyestaplaya, but…

Why do people say that BS i hope you will be able to love, or i hope that this doesn’t keep you from loving someone else, or any of those variations? First of all, mere utterance of those words indicates the party speaking them is the one who didn’t love the other person, and thus they are the LAST person who want to hear that from; two, you are only saying that to try to not look like a total heartless monster – you may not be, but dammit if I can see that right about now; three, if I’m crazy, that is just a way to guarantee that my right hook may take you out. I hope that lick doesn’t keep you from being able to close your jaw without a clicking noise, butthole.

Good morning polyester. That last post wasn’t personally directed at you. And who is Dr. O?

Happy Friday!

I never been emotionally scarred from a relationship, no one’s cheated on me, dumped me, beat me ” No Ike”, or anything that would cause me to have baggage. So, I can’t add anything other than.

Happy Friday and Good Post FG!

My Favorite quote from “Diary of a Mad Black Woman is

“I’m not bitter! I’m just mad as HELL!”

LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT!

Hey all!

Hey Janean. You most certainly have been lucky (or a total psychotic heartbreaker… I Kid, I KID!)

JAT

Yeah lol.

@JAT

I have flowers in both my hands put your pistols down..hahaha

But seriously she is my ex and she is a psychologist. If you have a friend(s) that is a psychologist they will tell you that anybody that is a psychologist they have issues. I LOVED me some Dr.O! I was willing to walk down the road with her and help her those issues. But she had a lot of emotional baggage from her childhood that she carried with her.

I wasn’t a monster to her she just had a hard time trust guys and wasn’t use to a guy like me.

@ polyester:

I said that wasn’t directly at you! LOL, I guess you can tell that I’ve heard those words before…

Anyway, I accept your flowers (yellow roses, me likey).

It is def. hard for women with childhood issues to trust men. What is really messed up is that the fear that they’ll be hurt again makes them push away the very love that they are longing for…

Question: JAT last comment about longing for love got me to thinking…Should we really be longing for love? I know its a feeling a lot of people share but does that makes us look desperate or incomplete. Should it just something nice to have, it happens great but not essential? Or do we really all need love and can long for it therefor seeking it?

just wondering…any thoughts?

To my very own Beelzebub:

Forgiving you is not easy, but I now recognize for me to forward that I must. I used to believe that what you took from me is something I would never again have returned, but realization has dawned that what I have given you is power over me for the past few years. And I want that power back. Though I haven’t completely forgiven you yet, the day is coming, and you will become nothing more than a footnote rather than a chapter in my life.

To Him:

I apologize for allowing my past and my fears to rule my interactions with you. I’m not going to do a total 180, but couldn’t we meet at the 90 degree mark?

@ nisha

no problem for the quote. FG inspired me to keep workin on forgiving myself.

Its so much harder to forgive oneself then to forgive another…crazy rite

@ Luvin:

I think every person is ingrafted with a healthy longing for love. If you’re lucky, your parents not only fill that place, but teach you how to keep is filled with self love, and (for those who believe) love from God. Then love is something that you always have, and it can be enhanced by interactions with others. A lot of people never get that empty place filled, and they go around their adult lives trying to fill it with other people, children, accomplishments, etc.

@ JUST

I always feel left out because my friends always have stories about how they’ve been hurt and scarred and I just can’t relate. I’m still cool with all my Ex’s. They lubb them some Nean lol.

But, seriously I just can’t relate.

@ Neesh wth you saying “Yeah” for?

I have two questions for all the ladies and lurkers:

1. How do you measure the depthness of a committment?

2. What factors do you consider while evaluating the compatibility of a SO or a possible SO in a relationship/within the dating process?

@ blaze:

That processes is currently undergoing renovations. Please try again later…

@nean

I was saying yeah to JAT’s earlier comment, my bad not at you playa.

I am cool with all my exes but there is one who I am mad at. Just for the shenanigans, not a deep scarring or nothing but I guess for not measuring up. I have high expectations.

J Thought
But what factors are important to you?

Well, well, timely post, FG!
I was just coming to terms with accepting that my behavior had contributed to most recent “break-up”…yes, i’m still in the process lol
Happy Friday everybody!
Nish and Nean are back! yay!!!! lol

@ blaze:

I really can’t answer that, because I’ve looked at what I thought was important, and none of that has resulted in a healthy sustained relationship. Like I said, the process is under contruction.

J Thought
What leads you to believe that you need to make changes versus basing it on the type of guys you choose?

@ blaze:

While there were similarities between the guys that I dated, these similarities just aren’t that great. Plus, I’m reevaluating what I want, so everything is up under the microscope.

On anther note, I just read an article about Dr. J’s illegitate daughter w/ a white female reported on espn. It’s an outside the lines piece, so of course it’s presented in a certain fashion, but I wonder am I the only person who read this piece and felt that they were glossing over the fact that the reporter was an opportunistic groupie (and probably much worse)?

J Thought
Yeah I read that article yesterday. You made a good point about her being an opportunistic house wrecker and was never criticized for her actions. I also thought it was ashame that the daughter had to reach damn near rock bottom before she decided to forgive him. He was just as wrong.

Did you read the other article about the female high school hoop player from San Fran and the relationship she had with her father before he was nurdered? That was intesting as well..

Yeah I read that. It tugged at my heart strings, especially because he was trying to do the right thing for his family and his neighborhood, and in the end he still died a violent death.

It was kind of funny how he treated her like a boy. Is that just a hood thing, for black men to treat their daughters in a masculine fashion?

I was questioning the same thing but I think it was just the environment he grew up in and how his own father was murdered. Its hard for cats that have a rough edge to show a finesse side even with dealing with their own daughters. Fortunately she used that tough love to her advantage. I might have to follow her once she starts playing for Cal.

Whats up with MJ’s new fiance though? Mike can do a lil better than that.

Fiancee is the feminine, fiance = MJ in that situation. Who cares? She’s not ugly, but a little cliche if you ask me.

I have a deep seated, near pathological hatred for all things MJ, so I could care less about anything that goes on in his life. And no, I’m not a basketball nor Piston fan, so it’s not that. Something about the man just rubs me the wrong way.

How is it cliche? A brother choosing a cuban?

Most Cubans consider themselves white, especially if they aren’t anywhere near caramel. But the whole black athlete w/ white/white-looking woman, or divorced older man with much younger woman, rich established man with pretty young woman w/ BS career made up to make it seem as if being his girlfriend isn’t the only thing keeping her bills paid, take your pick. I am SO over MJ.

The real issue is sisters still staying with these high paid brothers even when they commit adultry like Dr.J’s wife and Juanita Jordan.

Im sure if you had a crack at being with an older guy with some paper versus a broke college student you would do the same.

We’re talking sports? So you guys didn’t want me to participate? I get it, I get it.

Most married people stay together through affairs, black, white, rich or poor.

I couldn’t date a dude that was too much older. I’ve never liked older guys, I think they’re perverts. I’m the only one of my sisters who’s like that, because they both have dated dudes that were 10 yrs+ older than them.

@ Reina:

You’re welcome to participate! Would you get with an older guy with money? What’s your opinion on MJ’s engagement?

J Thought
Lets be real..paper talks and its easier to overlook infedelities if his paper is right.

You may need to advance you game beyond college cats…maybe not 10+ but an established cat. Thats why you can’t keep making these generalizations about men when your basing your expereinces about college boys.

Reina
Whats up? I need you to take a crack at my earlier questions about commitment. I thought your respone from an earlier post was on point.

@ Just

I wouldn’t get with an older man w/o money. I prefer men older than me but not too significant a gap. I’m attracted to ambition and accomplishments so my answer’s yes. Money wouldn’t be the reason I was with him, though.

As for Jordan, from what I’ve read, they’ve been dating for 5 years, and now she’s getting a ring with no pre-nup. If she’s a opportunist, I’m applauding her for success.

@ blaze:

You act like “established” cats can’t do the same dirt that younger men do. My stepfather, his friends, my older brothers’ friends, older dudes I knew and worked with, all fit into that established mode, and those jokers made me seriously consider if I EVER wanted one of those.

Those are your people not mine..lol

@ Blaze

1) It’s not a conscious thing, but I’d guage the depth by how he exhibits my importance in his life. Daily communications, random affection, recollections of things that matter to me, displays of my significance to those around him, etc.

2) Fluidity of communication, similar but not mirrored outlooks, chemistry (sexual & mental), etc. I’m a listener so I pay close attention to the questions he asks and the information about himself that he divulges. I watch how he treat others, particularly women. There are so many things.

Blaze:

I applaud your efforts to try to keep my hopes up about the possibility of that quintessential “one” that’s out there. I know a lot of good guys. Some, I wasn’t at all physically attracted to. Some were in relationships when they crossed my path. Some weren’t at all attracted to me. Some wanted a woman who did things that, at the time, I wasn’t doing on a consistent basis (I used to be kind of tomboyish).

But, right now, I’m in a college town where most of the men here over 23 are SORRY. IF they aren’t, they’re married. Trust, I am actively looking for an opportunity to move. But, this is the perfect place for me to chill, get myself together, and work on me. In the past I probably would not have known how to recognize or keep what I’m really looking for, so I’m in no rush to hurry up and find a “good” guy just because I’m marching ever closer to 30.

J Thought
Thats whats up..Just always be ready because you never know when that “one” may come around rather if you’re looking for it or not. You see what happened to Chelz…now she can’t even log on and holla at us anymore.

@Reina
Sounds like you know what you’re really looking for in committed relationship. Are these expectations discussed upfront with a potential SO?

I’m out. If I don’t post again, Have a merry Christmas, and enjoy your holidays!

I am still learning..