5 Key Traits Of A Great Girlfriend
Dec 4th, 2008 | Author: The Fly Guy | Category: The Chronicles
Comments (261)
I have a confession to make.
As a guy, playing the field can be a lot of fun. The unbalanced male-to-female ratio plays a huge role in such a mindset. But as maturity sets in, real men begin to realize that fooling around has its moments, but nothing can surpass the joys of being in a serious relationship.
Let me rephrase that…
Nothing can surpass being in a serious relationship with a great girlfriend. So I began to wonder…exactly what is it that makes someone a great girlfriend? Besides possessing the obvious attributes of being faithful and honest I’ve come up with the 5 Key Traits Of A Great Girlfriend.
#5- She’s Independent
This trait gets a tremendous amount of negative publicity from some single women. Apparently there’s a widespread misconception that most men don’t want an independent woman. That’s more off base than the time Jessica Simpson thought The Gap Band was an alternative to getting braces.
A real man appreciates when his girlfriend has her own personality and opinions, and can stand on her own both financially and emotionally. That’s a true turn-on, as the relationship begins to feel much more like an equal partnership.
(Note: Embrace your independence, but don’t use it as a badge of honor….that’s when it stops being a positive trait.)
#4- She’s Intelligent
Having someone that’s beautiful but dumb gets old pretty fast. That’s why it’s great to have a girlfriend that can meet you on an intellectual level. Her wit and intellect keep you on your toes, and deepens your attraction past the physical realm—making it another quality of a great girlfriend.
#3- She Allows You To Be A Man
This isn’t sexist at all. A great girlfriend understands that men and women are intrinsically different, and allows you to be who you are…a man. Which means she won’t force you to start using pink and lavender toilet paper, or sit through a “Desperate Housewives” marathon with her. A great girlfriend also doesn’t get bent out of shape if you try to do “guy things” like watch the game or occasionally hang out with your friends.
#2- She Loves You
On the surface, such a trait would seem like a given. But allow me to dig a little deeper beyond the surface. A great girlfriend loves her man…flaws and all. To her, it’s okay that he isn’t the best dresser; or that his jokes fall flatter than Arsenio Hall’s career. She just loves him for him, and takes the time to show him how much she appreciates him each day.
#1- She Makes You Strive To Better Yourself
This may be my favorite one of all. A great girlfriend inspires you to improve yourself without even saying anything. Just being around her makes you want to better yourself. Suddenly you begin to get your finances in order, you start treating people better, and you even clip your toenails on the regular. It’s all because of your great girlfriend. She just has that kind of effect on you.
The Fly Guy Moral: So there’s my list. If you’re current girlfriend possesses those traits, then I’d say you were in great shape. If she doesn’t…well, I’d suggest a little prayer is in order.
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Well you hit them all on the money…In Beyonce’s single “Why Don’t You Love Me?” one of the lyrics is “I keep my head in them books, I’m sharp”. Intelligence really does go a long way!
Also as with number 5…Now and even as far back as when I met my husband…his sports time is his sports time..regardless if it’s 5 days a week. He’s home, he’s comfortable and he’s happy! And as a good girlfriend (wife) that should be what’s most important. I find that because I never give him any flack about it…he’s more apt to watch Top Chef with me more often LOL
I could not agree any more. This is list is damn near perfect. It seems like a lot of the women I know really struggle with #3 tho. Too many women consider letting a man be a man as some form of indicator that the man is weak or that they need to baby him or his ego. I think the women that figure out how different those things really are, are the ones that become the best partners.
Whats up And1? You’ve been MIA lately..U good?
#5 – check!
#4 – double check! (lol)
#3 – check
#2 – i think i can do that
#1 – i have done that!
damn ace’d another test,yet i’m single..*shakes head* LOL
@ FG:
Great list! Although, I’m not going to lie, I have struggled with some of those things…
@ and1:
I do think some women have a problem with #3. I know I’ve struggled with it in the past. Not because I think men are weak, or that I want to baby them, but because I had to learn how to interact with men. My stepfather was a horrible example, so I never saw what a man was supposed to be. Learning that stuff on the fly is not a good look.
@ blaze:
Morning. I was busy at work. Plus, yesterday’s subject was a little touchy for me, so I showed some restraint instead of unleashing my man-hating alter ego. I’m trying to starve her to death, but I keep getting reasons not to.
Great article as usual! :)
Why do I feel you wrote #3 with me in mind? I feel attacked! *mumbles* I don’t even own pink & lavendar toilet paper.
Good Morning Everyone!
I agree with all the others, and I hope desperately that I inspire #1 in my guy. And if I don’t, then I wouldn’t want him to be with me.
hmmm…#’s 4 and 5 are givens…however do guys see you as being clingy when at the beginning all you wanna do is spend time with them? i’m still independent…I’m just digging you sum serious right now…idk
#3 is kinda open for interpretation. How do you make him feel like a man? Let him pay for dinner? Encourage him to grunt and eat raw meat? Im confused…
#2 is easy…I’m with you long enough then I love you.
#1…ugh. Thats all up to him and he HE feels…what can I do to make him want to be a better person besides being the best Chelsea that I can be?
@J Thought
Good morning. Personally I want to see you do you. I log on to this site because of the dynamics of each person who comments daily. If everyone agreed or shared the same experiences whats the point of discussing? Keep being truthful..
@FG
Great article…I’ve already sent this to all my homegirls. The checklist is on point.
@ blaze:
I do do me. I just avoid feeding negativity (in my own thoughts and emotions) whenever possible.
Bahama set the bar! LOL
#5- I have learned to portray myself better when it comes to this. A woman has to find that balance. Before I was the “do it ALL yourself” type even though the person I was dating would offer to do something for me. Now if he offers to wash my car, instead of saying “oh no, ill take it to the car wash. no worries”, ill say “would you really?” *blinding smile*
#4 thru #1- double check!
#3- If the person is watching a game of basketball, ill definitely watch too (if invited). Football or anything else, ill be reading a book and staying close lol
N yet, I am still single *bewildered* lol
Reinnnnnnnnnnnnnna!
Well, i dont think they even make pink or lavender toilet paper *goes to research*
@ fab
I take it that you missed me?
@Blaze
I’m good man, you? Work is turning it up a notch and demanding a little more of my attention lately.
lmao@Fabie esp. *blinding smile*…lol! girl you a trip!
@And1
Thats good to hear bruh. All is well here, can’t complain at all.
Ok this need to be rephrased REAL men would like REAL good women who would want to steer them in the direction to become better men when men are willing to submit to change.Every man can’t appreciate women who are good for them
This just confirms why I’m the BEST GIRLFRIEND EVER!
I do all things things and beyond. I think I need an award, or the 5K platinum ring I picked out.
@nean
how do you make him feel like a man?
damn girl 5K PLATINUM ring? Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllin!
Morning all!
Just wanted to say hi before I returned to lurking ;-) lol
This all confirms that I am a great girlfriend! :) It’s not sexist to let a man be a man, just like a man recognizing that independence is a good thing.
Great post!
I agree with bahama and fab.
Why is blaze pic the only one showing now?
Bahama/fab
If that is the case then why don’t these negroids get it together?
What does it take to be a great Boyfriend? things that make you go hmmm?
lmao@Nisha
hmmmm…..
@Nisha AMEN TO THAT !!!!
The ratio to good women versus good men are hardly equal. Some need to step their game up and grow up
@ Chelz
I ask him to do things around the house that are labled as “man jobs” like fix the hole in the closet (I threw my hand weight in there after a hard workout and it busted the drywall)Hang the TV on the wall, then he gets to use his handy electric screwdriver I purchased. All these things I can actually do myself cause I’m SUPERWOMAN.
Sometimes, I act like things are too heavy and ask for help lol,
hmmmm what else, Oh, and I call him the man of the house just little stuff that makes him think he wears the pants when indeed I DO! LOL
I mean you gte boneheads who don’t appreciate all the qualities listed above (do I sound upset lol?). I’m just saying…
@nean/reina
What make your bf’s great?
*grabs a notepad lmao
@Nean
oh…I do that! I instantly become lil miss ‘can you unscrew this cap off this jar….po’lil ol me can’t manage!’ when I’m in the company of males.
yes you CAN carry my luggage to the car! yes you CAN take my car for an oil change!
the other day my Mutant carried me over some the unpaved part of the parking lot cuz I didnt want my sexy ass white wedge sandals getting dirty walking to his car…hehehehe….is that manly enough?
I’m about to catch a plane, so I have to say this quickly. While there are men who don’t appreciate those positive qualities, there are many who do…and when some women actually find those men, they don’t want them.
So you can’t just turn this into a male bashing session, and not acknowledge that both sides deal with bouts of not really knowing what they want, and not being able to appreciate a good thing when they get it. We all need a reality check, we all need to open our eyes to the role that we play (even if its just being attracted to the wrong types of people), and we all need to stop acting like this is a game of war between men and women. That’s the biggest problem in my opinion.
Ok folks, couldn’t say all that I wanted to say, but just my thoughts after skimming the last few comments. My car is outside of the hotel waiting. Hope everyone is well, and I’ll catch up with you guys later.
What makes Mr. P Great?
Hmmmm, He listens to what I tell him lol.
No, but seriously he’s selfless, content with just about anything as long as he’s fed. He admits when he’s wrong, he’s a family man and he bakes cakes lol.
But, he’s not perfect and I don’t expect perfection.
@ blue:
Hey girl. You are a perpetual lurker!
@ nisha, fab, reina, janean, etc:
Apparently I am a control freak who cannot let anyone help her. I had to sound like Freud, but I blame my mother.
@nisha you do not sound upset, you just confirmed what I posted as well. It takes a good man to appreciate the work and the makings of a good woman and be content with just that
I think these reasons are why I’ve NEVER BEEN DUMPED.
Nobody has asked to take my car for an oil change…oh wait, he did it himself. Nvm LOL
Nisha
Hey BFF!! negroids? Imma have to use that
@ Chelz
Yes, all those things count. Sometimes they just need a little boost and a pat on the ass to make them feel like MUFASA!
Hi Fabie!
Hey LL,
How have you been?!
FG,
Well excuse me, mr ‘My car is outside of the hotel waiting”. Go on then! lol we’ll continue our “male bashing” as you said. Please notice that the guys arent chyming in hmmm
@ Just
Step away from your Freudian ways and let the man be a man lol. You can do it!
Hey Janean,
you’re gonna have to stop talking about how much of a baker your SO is if ure not sharing the wealth!! lol
*side eyes chelz* wedge SANDALS, u say? hmpf, not fair!
@ Nisha
Have I ever said he was great? Let’s change that to tolerable. :-D
He challenges me, but he respects me. He adores me, but he doesn’t put up with my BS. He makes me better by inspiration alone. I feel like a goddess when I’m with him, and he tells me so.
Of course, this could all be in my head.
@Fab
why do i get the side eye? yeah…they’re wedged strappy sandals and they’re WHITE and I was not about to run them just to walk that raggedy azz parking lot to his vehicle.
@Reina
awww…how cute. I feel the same way about my Mutant…
@Lyrical
*high fives*
I am in no way male bashing but I am just pointing out that men need to appreciate these qualities and women too. You can have all these qualities and be single, dumped, cheated on and etc. The shenanigans don’t stop for some (see I said some). lol
@JAT
lol.
@fab
yes girl negroids lol.
@ Fab
I am always willing to share, because this guy is out of control…
I try to give it away to people and he gets in a tizzy about it.
@JAT
I am very good at this lurking thing aren’t I? :-)
@Chelz
Really? Mutant? lol
Just,
I was the same way, chica! Believe moi, its not easy feeling like ure giving up that control but at some point, you’re gonna have to. Especially if someone lets you know how useless your over-independence makes them feel. First guy that i dated sat me down and told me how useless he felt every time i said no to his offers. So i finally let him do my oil…baby steps
@eshe
yeah…I call him Mutant cuz he’s so tall…lol…I also call him ‘Mario’ cuz he looks like the singer Mario….minus the huge ass nostrils…I have a million names for him…sad I know, but dont judge me!
@Ladies
Question: Outside of Nean…Are these guys who you are referring about someone you have attempted to date or was actually in a relationship with?
Nean,
GREAT! I like carrot cake, cheesecakes, pineapple upside down cakes..mmm yummy!
chelz,
You get the side eye cuz you can wear those sandals now! me? i can wear wedge boots but thats about it. My little toes would freeze and fall off.
@ Janean:
Yeah girl, I’m trying. I let the guy I’m dating put together some wooden shoe racks. I nearly had a panic attack watching him do it, but I kept my mouth shut and didn’t offer to help.
@ blue:
I’m not mad, because lurking keeps you out of the turf wars between the EC and XY.
@ fabie:
I taking baby steps. I finally got a clue when a platonic friend of mine said I was the most competent man he knew. And he wasn’t joking.
lol @ Fabie, I DO TOO! I’m gonna be a OOMPA LOOMPA if this continues.
Chelz,
Mario’s nostrils aren’t that bad lmao.
blaze
relationship with.
@nean
You never offered me the cake anna mae lmao.
@Fab
lmao…oh yeah…I forgot it was winter!
we have like a total of 6 ‘cold’ days here (hence the reason I bought those gorgeous Coach snow boots last week)…
so yeah, i’ve been wearing sandals and shorts and stuff
@ HEY FABIE !!!!!! still holding it down I see ; )
@ blaze:
I didn’t refer to anyone specifically. But I have had men that I’ve dated not appreciate my “good woman” qualities, and I have also been in relationships where I have not been able to let a man be a man. Did you miss my control freak commment? LOL
Nean,
You look absolutely great…a MILF, if you dont mind the term.
@ chelz
gee, thanks for the visual *crying*
@ chelz:
Snow boots? In Miami? Girl, BYE!
@ Chelsea
I wish the best of luck with your guy. As I said, everything I said was probably only in my head. #3 & #5 are difficult things to consolidate inside one’s self,and I am speaking from experience.
@ Just
Panic Attack? You’re a tough one sista!
@chelz
Shorts? Really?
going to cry with Fab
@J Thought and any lady that would like to repond
Since you all have certain preferences/standards on the type of man you would consider dating..do most of the men change once they get the title?
They had to do something right or showed positive attributes upfront to get that far right?
@blaze…….BOTH, The key word I used in my post was REAL men in my post. So I assumed if I said it that way I wouldn’t have come off as “man bashing”.I sepreated the REAL men that know what they want and can appreciate good women,from the ones who are ungrateful and who are merely out there for self gain(in a sense)and do not recognize and appreciate a good woman when they in the company of one.
@ Janean:
At first they looked they would be crooked. And he almost splintered one of the shelves.
@ blaze:
Some did, some didn’t. I think in every case I didn’t do due diligence. That confidence I thought was so sexy is really arrogance trying to cover up some insecurities. Or the “fun” guy really is fun as long as he’s a dude you hang with, but he is DEFINITELY not a SO. One dude was insecure about certain things, and I wore those things like a badge, hence the conflict. He also liked girly girls, and I was/am a late bloomer.
So, there you have it. My man picker was flawed, and it is currently back at the lab undergoing upgrades.
I think its worth mentioning that just b/c someone is a great gf, or bf, it doesnt mean that the relationship itself will be great or even good. Just b/c you’re great and your SO’s great doesnt mean that the two of you will be great for each other.
@Lyrical
I agree there are men out there like that…but ultimately didnt you make the choice to be with that man?
Based on how some of my homegirls act is when they first meet a man they are so happy and so eager to get one they dont take the proper time to really see what the dude is really about. Start posting that they have a man all up on their Facebook and Myspace page and its only been a week or two.
@ and1
Definitely worth mentioning, and I agree.
@blaze
that cracks me up. lmao they really do that.
@ blaze:
you know there are different pressures on women than are on men. Most of my male friends who are single have yet to hear ANYTHING about when they are going to settle down, get married, have kids, heck, even be in a relationship. But I know plenty of women who have been hearing that kind of crap for years. And, frankly, I also know a lot of women who were never taught how to date by their parents.
@J Thought
Exactly..that was my point….going through the proper due dilligence or vetting before jumping out there. Then months later my homegirls are back to male bashing but that was the decision they made quickly then wound up hurt….again.
@Blaze ……now you know when a man really wants something he wil chase a woman dowwwwnn and he can hide the things that he knows will turn a woamn off towards him and knows his character can be somewhat questionable.Once they fell like they have you then they slack up,change,show true colors,etc.Then its up to the woman to recognize it and leave it alone. Thats why some many women are still single I guess
“Most of my male friends who are single have yet to hear ANYTHING about when they are going to settle down, get married, have kids, heck, even be in a relationship.”
Definitely agree. Personally, I wish I lived THAT life.
“Once they fell like they have you then they slack up,change,show true colors,etc.”
That pretty much goes for everybody.
@ Fabie
Nope, don’t mind…
@ Chelz
I’ve yet to see the BOOTZ! Stop the Tomfoolery and let a girl be down…
Nisha,
I always share food with you wench! Did you not take from the candy stash I had today? lol
@ Just
That’s funny, at least you made it through. One baby step at a time… Congratulation boo!
And1
Man you are silly as hell….I guess I NEVER heard that before either from coworkers,siblings, mother, not even from ex girlfriends.
@J I agree with you as well….people should take their time and learn to weed the good from the bad, even if it takes you 6 months to a year to get to know a person before saying this is my woman or my man.In all honest relationships come with titles whats the point of having a title and a status with someone just to hear yourself say the words TO MAKE YOURSELF FEEL BETTER when you hardly know this person the good and bad and the tolerable.
@nean
Yes I am about to pop one of those bad boys now, but you never shared that cake anna mae lol.
Nean
aha, nisha! call her out, call her out lol
LOL @ And1…but you have a plan, dont you?
@fab
uh uh miss. lmao.
this is really great and I agree with all, especially letting a man feel like a man. sure it may be a bit of an ego stroke every now and then to let him kill the spider or go see that action movie instead of the sappy tear jerker but it’s all about give and take. I think I have and can possess all of those qualities.
@fab
There’s ALWAYS a plan. ;-p
@ and1
You’re an intelligent guy, would be a good SO for someone. Let me ask you this. Are the qualities listed in 2-5 what it takes to inspire #1? What kind of female must I be, what must I possess to get a man to better himself due to & for me?
@Lyric
I agree, men will straight hunt a woman down and hide all the flaws he may have in the process.
Before I give up a title or even get to the point of saying we’re exclusive I first need to see how she acts around her girls, her family, my friends, how she handles conflict or an argument and if she bases things off assumptions or actual facts. Until I see how she handles herself in these situations, no matter the time, we’re just “kickin it”.
@Reina
First, I appreciate the compliment and would extend the same to you. To your questions, thats a tough one. From what I’ve seen and felt, I’d say that #2 trumps all. I think we all know the difference b/w being IN LOVE and loving someone. If you dont love that person, what else even matters, right?
Personally, I REALLY appreciate intelligence. I think it keeps things interesting and it fosters a confidence in a person that is undeniably sexy. So I’d say that #2 & #4 would be what would inspire #1 in me.
One other thing to just throw out there, and I think I have before in another article but, dont underestimate “dumb luck.” Sometimes you just have to be lucky to find that person.
I just want to say in regard to #5: When women are independent, there are men who get turned off by that. And from what I can comprehend of the whole independence thing, you said it in a general form. You got to be more specific about being “independent”. Women can be independent in a number of ways, so I’m kind of lost on that one.
Now, in regard to #1: What does being a great girlfriend have to do with a man making himself better? That is something that should be automatic for a man (as well as a woman) to do BEFORE they enter into any relationship. In order to be the best for someone else, you got to be that for YOU. Two halves don’t make anything whole, and when you have two people who aren’t fully complete with themselves, how can the two sustain each other? So, in a sense I would have to disagree with #1. Any woman can say they are a great girlfriend or wife, but when a man who is complete within himself can find a woman whom is comparable to him, that alone makes her a great girlfriend or wife.
@Blaze (smiling) smart man. Glad we agreed.
Ladies …what made or makes you a great girlfriend in past or present relationships whether the relationship survived or failed?
@Untouched
With respect to #1, when you’re with a great person, they inspire you to be better in order to complement them. Its not that you need them to be great, its that they make you want to be better than you already are.
I’m back
@JAT
yes…snow boots! And I dont live in Miami…just very close to it! They were cute and it was like 45 degrees here sometime last week, so I got to wear them! HA!
@Reina
Thanks!
sooooooo….what are we talkin about right now?
@ Lyrical:
I’m supportive, I’m caring, I accept/love people warts and all. I help people excel and be their best.
I’ve got great rough material, it’s the execution that I’m refining.
Hey everyone, I agree with the top 5. Lately I have been focusing on keeping in my mind to let a man be a man. Not change him into something he is not.
@ and1
Gracias. #2 & #4 I can & do handle. #3 is what gives me trouble. If allowing a “man to be a man” was as simple as just allowing him to open the door or move the couch so I can vacuum, I would excel. Unfortunately, it’s more profound than that to me. It’s recognizing and respecting the differences in how we mentally process things, it’s not raising my hackles each time he suggests something as if he’s testing my independence. It’s not taking every decision he makes as a contest. It’s giving up a little of my control so that he can just be a man.
And I suck at that.
LL,
I think my best quality is that I accept the person for who he is. I have flaws and know that he does the same. I’m also very big on respect. You’re given respect until YOU mess it up. I expect the same back. Last, I am me! You’re not getting a watered down version, no games, none of that crap…take it or leave!
@Reina
Totally agree about #3. Its WAY more than handing me a jar you cant open or letting me kill a spider. Its more like what JaT said about learning how to deal with the opposite sex in a relationship capacity. Its a constant work in progress b/c how you treated someone maybe doesnt work for someone else, etc. Guess thats why relationships are such work and if the person AND the relationship are worth it, you’ll figure out a way to make it work.
This is a great list!
#4 – This one ranks ahead of #2 & #3 for me. I love intelligent women. The smarter the better. I’ve said this before..but a beautiful dummy has no place in my future.
#3 – This is a major issue. You don’t have to partake in my manly activities, just allow me the chance to do them in peace. I don’t complain when you’re watching Desperate Houswives or the latest chic flick, so don’t nag or walk around with your lips poked out because I’m watching the SEC Championship game. You’re not losing me…you’re just losing me for a few hours (but I’m all yours in between commercials). And if you inspire #1 in me…I may just pause the game long enough to send you into an orgasmic frenzy before pushing ‘play’ on my remote to resume the game.
#2 – This should be #1. If she’s not ‘in love’ with me..then there’s a very slim possibility she’s going to feel inspired enough to go through the trouble of 1, 3, & 5.
#1 – I haven’t met very many women who inspired this in me. My mistakes have been my motivator.
I sent this article to several homegirls and they admit the list is on point. The only one they are all struggling with is letting a man be man #3.
The one response I did receive stated that it wasn’t her job to mold or make a man feel like the man but just knowing when to step in, up or down. Do you all agree with that?
And1/Reina
I agree with you two. What governs #3 is mostly unspoken/unwritten “rules”. We’ve used mostly physical evidence but the most important, i think, is trust in that person. I’d describe it as let the person be who she/he is. whateva they do is in ‘our’ interest, not just thinking about self.
@ and1
I’ve spent more time single than I have in relationships so I require a bit of a transition period. I’ve been self-reliant for most of my life, and coupled with the fortitude it takes to be a successful woman in corporate America, effectively dealing with a man isn’t a excellent trait of mine.
@ reina:
I have the same issues (post #95). Get outta my head!
@ Moe:
Wassup! I don’t bother dudes during football games (cuz I’m watching them too) but the rest of the sports are reading/shopping time for me.
@ blaze:
I guess. But will a man recognize that his lady is stepping up/in to help and not trying to control him? And I’m not talking about when women SAY they are trying to help, but they are really just trying to control everything…
Reina you make a good point I think a lot of people struggle with that or we would all be married and happy.
I was told by an older woman who said that longer you wait to settle down, the harder it will be to compromise with a SO. It will be harder to get away from your “Single Ways”… Probably the most profound thing I heard about relationships.
@JAT
Once football season ends, I’m all yours. I’m pretty much down for anything at that point.
@J Thought
I would have to tie in what Fabie said about developing trust with your SO. Whether you step in or down, your man will trust you knowing that you had the right intentions and doing whats best for him.
@fab
Totally agree. One of the things I’ve learned in past relationships is that its really important to not just treat someone how you want to be treated but to treat them how THEY want to be treated.
@Reina
I think we’re all in that boat at this time in our lives. I dont think any of us are especially GREAT at that as much as we’re eventually able to find someone willing to work with us to get better at it.
@ JustA/Fab
Great minds think alike or something. Trust & respect are important on both sides. “Yes, you can do that, but understand that if you weren’t here, I could do it, too.” “I don’t need you, but I do want you.” It’s this tightrope balancing act that leaves me feeling defeated. A mere assertion earns me the statement of “trying to be a man.” I’m just being me. Compromise is meeting in the middle, not my constant deferring.
@ and1
“find someone willing to work with us to get better at it”
One, if not the, most important aspect is this. The person has to be worthy, though.
And1,
“someone willing to work with us to get better at it” I couldnt have said it better except to add ‘as I am willing to work with them’. Reciprocity is so important but seldom practiced
Reina
i2i! Compromise sure doesnt mean “I’m willing to work on it but what are YOU doing to improve/work on our situation except point out what I need to do?”. One ends us feeling more alone than if you were by oneself!
look at you losers gettin all profound up in this biotch today….makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
sorry….i have nothing to add so im just gonna lurk….
@ fab
I could’ve written your last two sentences. Talk with me, not at me, and I’ll respond better. I date intelligent, successful men, and we butt heads on almost every argument. I’m not going to back down because whenever i do, I feel like I’m losing parts of myself. I was watching the Barbara Walters Special with the Obama last week, and she asked them who had the last word. Michelle said very matter-of-factly “I do,” and Barack nodded & verbally acknowlegded that. I find that has nothing to do with his being weak or her wanting to be the man, but trust & respect on both sides. That’s the kind of relationship I would want. I don’t need the last word. I just want a guy who would trust me to have it.
Sidenote: Am I the only one that noticed on this post about great girlfriends, the lady is white? Found that hilarious. Not offensive, just hilarious.
@Reina
LOL! I didnt even notice that about the white girl. HA…you’re in trouble now FG!!
Reina that was the first thing I noticed, lol. I was like geez I fail already…
Maybe she’s mulatto? Im just sayin…
I think it is fair to say that the last thing we should be worried about when we are in a relationship is appearing weak (of course Ive been there and still struggling with that). Being in the relationship itself involves trust and taking risk…that is enough to work on!
Reina,
LOL I didnt even notice. Thought the bright sun was just shining on her face
possible blaze.
@reina
I noticed lmao. I saw that special and I am so inspired by their relationship
Vero Beach, Fla. (AP) – A Vero Beach man is facing a domestic violence charge after authorities say he assaulted his girlfriend with a cheeseburger.
An Indian River County Sheriff’s Office arrest report says 22-year-old Vincent Gonzalez and his girlfriend got into an argument as they sat in a car in front of their home.
The report says Gonzalez would not let her out of the vehicle so the woman threw his drink out of the car. In response, Gonzalez allegedly grabbed her arm and smashed the cheeseburger into her face.
The pair got out of the car, and authorities say Gonzalez again took the McDonald’s sandwich and put it on her face.
Gonzalez was released on $1,000 bond Wednesday.
Ms,
*shaking my head* they should both be arrested for such foolishness
@Miss
ROTFLMAO….this WOULD happen in Vero…
bunch of country azz ppl live there in the middle of Buttfu*k, FL so I aint even much surprised…
lmao…how did you find that anyway?
@miss
mickey d;s will do it lmao.
You know my commercial.
I woke up and found you creepin, ohhhh girl I know your secret…got that mcdonald’s loving. lmao
lmao@Nisha
I LOVE that commercial! lmao…cracks me up everytime I see it cuz he is SANGIN that song!
@chelz
with all his heart. I am in tears now laughing about it.
Chelsea a messageboard I frequent is discussing it.
And I love that commercial. I’m glad she didn’t share those nuggets. Better sing himself into the kitchen and make a sandwich.
I still say she could’ve shared. I mean…10 pieces!?!? Dont be stinjaaaaayyy.
@and 1
I was waiting for you to say that lmao
fema those are HER nuggets. he can’t have any.
**passed out**
laughing too damn hard
I guess I am the only one that dislikes that commercial…
mad@and1 for spelling ’stingy’ like that…
and that I said it in my head exactly how the dude sang it…
sad as hell…just so sad!
lmao
@eshe
its hilarious but not its ok if u dont like it…my mom HATES it!
LOL yall had to bring that commercial up.
I have to chime in on that nugget head commercial. That commercial is hilarious.
What a way to market a freakin nugget! Makes me cackle everytime.
*Back to being a lurker*
*All white meat to be exact*
@nean
I was going to ask you if you saw the comment I posted on your page of that commercial lmao.
are you ready for poulet?
I can’t look at it here, you know were restricted!
I crack up everytime at that commercial….
I’m ready, but I’m still full from lunch. Think I’ll pack it for home and make fun of our co-workers, like Clyde Mr. Shimmy!
@ Nisha
Ok, and why do these Engineers shoot snot balls on the men’s bathroom walls?
Steve just told us that…
Nasty fukkers
@nean
Shut the front door! I’m telling you I am skeptical of everyone since dude up here was blowing his nose and junk, then snagged a breakfast pizza. Folks dont wash their hands ewww.
Yeah I am full from lunch too so I may do the same.
@Reina
‘It’s recognizing and respecting the differences in how we mentally process things, it’s not raising my hackles each time he suggests something as if he’s testing my independence. It’s not taking every decision he makes as a contest. It’s giving up a little of my control so that he can just be a man.
And I suck at that.’
I agree with this. Why is it so hard for you?
@ Moe
LOL You agree that I suck at it?
@Reina
LOL Hell Yeah!!!
Nah…I agree with what you said prior to that. lol
@ Moe
It is as I stated. I’ve been self-reliant for most of my life, can do & have done most things on my own. Giving up that control is scary. Giving up that control to someone who may abuse it is horrifying. Being dependent, needing someone gives me the hives. And working in corporate America has made me hard, I’ll say. You can’t show weakness, must always stand firm, never use your sex as a excuse, or as a woman, you will be taken advantage of, dismissed or spoken for. Shifting from corporate Reina to girlfriend Reina has lots of speed bumps.
@Reina
Having witnessed your dilemma through a family member, I can understand where you’re coming from. Leaving the corporate armor at the door when you get home seems to be easier said than done.
Howdy everybody!
I’d agree with this list, mostly because it describes me! LOL!
@ Moe:
Yeah, that corporate armor is so gard to drop, especially since most women who develop it have been wearing it long before they ever got into their careers. The things that made me a good student, made me a good engineer, made me a good consultant, etc. I’ve got over 15 years of academic/corporate success with this armour, so that off switch may be slow in coming.
@JAT
Just don’t let that dependence on your armour morph into a lifetime of unhappiness.
I think these traits are applicable for great boyfriends as well. When it comes down to it, the foundation of quality, lasting relationships seem to be very similar, if not the same.
Good Morning People! I know you’re lurking. You guys must keep me entertained today. I went out last night, and now I’m falling asleep at my desk. So entertain me!
@ Moe
If my corporate armor were the only shields I had to contend with, I’d probably be married by now.
@ Reina:
COmedy = me staying up all night working on a paper, successively avoiding getting in the bed as a got ready for work after coming home at 6:30, and then, while preparing breakfast, fall asleep waiting for my oatmeal to microwave.
@ Moe:
Oh, believe me, I’m working on a nice compromise between the work me and the rest of me. I may not be in a rush to get married, but I am certainly not trying to be single for the rest of my life.
Reina,
entertain you, my dear? hmmm, you need to entertain me with details of your outing!
*waiting*
@ Reina:
I sent you a friend request on Myspace. I have a cartoon avatar, because I don’t own a digital camera (side eyes Moe) and SOMEBODY acts like it’s trickin to help a sister out LOL.
LOL @ Just
You did NOT fall asleep waiting for your oatmeal! HILARIOUS!
@ fabie:
Girl, yes I did! Sitting at the breakfast bar with my face in a pile of junk mail. It was embarrasing.
Just, at least you had cushion lol
lmao…ya’ll are entertaining ME!
@ JustA
I accepted your request and laughed after reading your survey. And yes, that is comedy. My eyes were closing as I rode the elevator to my office this morning.
@ Fab
Last night was great! I went to this T-Mobile Blackberry party here in the city at this gorgeous rooftop club. It had an open bar, and the music & view were amazing.
i’m sleepy myself. I was up late last night and slept in. I might go back to sleep, lol.
Oh yea. 6 MONTHS BABY!!!!!! WOOT!
Congrats Miss!
I had turned off my alarm last week since i was off so woke up late and rushed to get to work. I hate that! I still got to work on time but rushing in the morning always kinda mess up my day. N I’m still sleepy :(
Reina,
That sounds like you had fun. yay, reina!
@ Fab
I did. The great thing about an open bar is that men have to come with something better than “Let me buy you a drank.” It separates the smooth from the faux. My girl and I laughed ALL night.
lol thanks Reina. what were the corniest lines you got?
This one guy, who did NOT check his fur coat and proceeded to sport it around the joint, told me he kept it because he knew I’d be cold.
Another guy told me he worked for T-Mobile and that he could upgrade my phone to the Blackberry Storm. Mind you, T-Mobile does not have the phone nor is it on their list of upcoming releases.
LOL. There are 2 corny lines that I will never forget.
1) Him: “Aye girl you like that juice” Me:”What juice?” Him: “Very Fine and I’m thirsty!”.
2) “I have 75 cents, a packet of hot sauce and a bus card. Can we make a love connection”
Damn a sista ain’t even worth a full bottle of hot sauce?? LMAO!
Reina a fur coat? He knew you’d be cold? What? Fail.
WP: I don’t get either one of those but I know they are horrible and i’m sorry you had to go through that. lol
@WP
you po, po chile…I dont get the second one…bus card? Was he a high school student or something? He MUSTA been on a budget cuz all that mess he said was just plain trife!
smh…damn shame the stuff these men think is REALLY a good idea to say to Fly B**ches such as we…SHAME!
Good Morning/Afternoon Peeps!
@Reina
You mean there’s additional armor?! Wow.
@JAT
You’re an Engineer, and you don’t have a digital camera? They need to confiscate your pocket protector.
@Miss
Congrats! Your yoni is officially not speaking to you. lol
@Moe
yoni…did you get that from an Eric Jerome Dickey book? cuz thats the only place I’ve ever heard someone call the Fun Box by that name
@ Moe:
I do not have, nor have I ever had, a pocket protector. I’m just cheap? Or maybe I was just broke…
And I don’t have an iPod. I know, I’m years behind.
@ Miss:
Ignore Moe! You’re standing strong! Yippee!
(I mentally calculated the last time my yoni came out to play, and the number is both heartening and depressing).
lol Moe it’s about time my yoni stopped talking to me because I stopped listening LONG time ago. We will be on speaking terms again in 6 months, well probably longer.
JAT that is NOT depressing.
@ Miss:
It’s only depressing in the fact that I was never one to be swayed by my yoni, and she has never been particularly talkative, and I think she may have checked out without leaving a forwarding address.
lmao@JAT
lol JAT. well in the beggining she was screaming. then it turned to a whimper and shutup for a while. but at least once a month yoni is going crazy screaming and yelling and I still ignore it. lol.
@Chelz
I got it from somewhere else.
@JAT
No iPod either? What kind of engineer are you? lol
@Miss
@Miss
You know I’m kidding. If that’s what you need to do…keep doing your thing.
I know Moe. But i’ve been thinking about stage names for you and Yogi. I’ve decided that I will be your manager.
@Miss
You need to let that one go. You’ve already given me an 80% rating…you trying to make it worse?!
lol Moe I gave you the 80% because I don’t know you personally! If we were to meet once in person then that 20% would be dealt with at that time. I could have a tail for all you know!
I was thinking of calling the show ‘The Double Chocolate Dip’ hot right?
@Miss
After 6 months of celibacy…your tail probably fell off. lol
**wondering what the hell Moeski and Miss are rambling on about
opens bag of Baked Plain Lays**
LOL @ Double Chocolate Dip
@ Moe
80% is passing.
@ Moe:
80% is enough to make the honor roll at most places.
@ Chelsea:
i don’t know what they’re talking about either. Must be rating someone’s hotness on myspace or a dating site.
@Miss
Hell Naw!!
@Reina
Anything less than 100% is unacceptable!
@JAT
I need to be on the Dean’s List…a Rhodes Scholar or something.
@Moeski
boy you KNOW good and well you aint hardly no Rhodes Scholar caliber! stop playing!
@Chelz
Eat your chips please…this is a grown folks’ conversation.
@Baldy
you must have missed your nap at the old folks home today…so cranky!
@Chelz
When you’re able to go to an R rated movie by yourself…then we can talk. lol
Ok Moe, on GP I will go ahead and give you a 100%. If there was anything questionable Reina would be all over it by now. Happy?
Reina since you have pole dancing experience I will need you to train Moe Guns and Yogi. They need to be able to crack walnuts with their butt cheeks.
@Miss
‘They need to be able to crack walnuts with their butt cheeks.’
That’s just nasty.
“Reina since you have pole dancing experience”
I’m just not okay with the implications of that.
@ Moe:
Nope. Women don’t like flabby booties either. Dudes having swole upper bodies and itty bitty muscles on their buns, thighs, and calves is NOT the business. Hit the gyms and load up on your squats.
SHENANIGANS!!!!!!!
Miss – stripping? double chocolate dip? what was in your coffee this morning girl?
@Reina – I think you’ll be ok with the implications. LOL…give it time.
@JAT
I understand that…but cracking walnuts? That’s just wrong. lol
@Moeski
i would say something back, but you probably wont remember it 10 minutes from now, so it would be pointless…
@Reina
girl you KNOW you aint new to a ‘pole’…stop playing
@Preston
what’s good?
@Chelsea – eh. a little of this. a little of that. just trying to make it to christmas vacation. how are you?
@Preston
im good..im good…christmas vacation huh? i think thats the light at the end of everybody’s tunnel right about now
@ Pres/Chels
What the…? What’d I do?
@ Preston:
You know you’re too grown for Christmas vacation.
@JAT – shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. lol…the hell I am. You’re never too old for that. I’m gettin off the left coast. Visiting the fam…and doing a whole bunch of not-shit. It’s gonna be terrific!
@Reina
lmao…just kidding!
@Preston
‘and doing a whole bunch of not-shit.’
Really? ok!
@ Preston & Chels:
Reina is taking lap dancing classes. I was the one who mentioned that they offer pole dancing classes at a studio in my city.
@ Reina:
It’s the hot Latina stereotype. Sometimes it works for you, sometimes it doesn’t LOL
@ Preston:
LOL, yeah I get it. When I got my first job after college, and I realized that I don’t get that fat 3wk break, I contemplated going back to school.
@ everyone:
I waited too late to buy my plane ticket. I either have to fly out of ATL or Orlando, or drive to MI. Not fun.
@Reina – you did nothing more than catch me in a joking mood. how are you, seniorita?
@ JustA
LOL @ the Latina stereotype
And oh, I forgot to tell you. I hated the burlesque class on Tuesday so on Wednesday, I took the pole-dancing one. That’s what Miss was saying.
@ Preston
I’m good, in the mood for misbehaving. I need a dirty weekend.
@ Reina:
How was it? Should I plop down my hard earned ducats for one?
@ JustA
It was great! Nothing filthy or sleazy about it. (Ok, maybe just a little) It is a workout, though. My thighs were burning the next morning.
@Reina – You’re in NYC. I feel like they invented the dirty weekend. In conjunction with Miami and LA of course…
@Preston
I’m offended! I live in South Florida and I refuse to accept you calling the beautful city of Miami anything but…and I certainly will not tolerate the use of the word ‘dirty’ in the same sentence as said city…except, of course, if the next word after ‘dirty’ is ’south’…then and only then is such a sentence warranted…
lmao…im kidding. Miami is FILTHY! lots of trouble to get into here! wink wink…
Preston my coffee perhaps was a tad irish. Perhaps. And since you and Moe will be working in those hot clubs with those g-string things…
http://www.menessentials.com/oxid.php/sid/0f5ddfafd1425210eacc63109c2f6f51/cl/details/cnid/-/anid/ecc43a971af7060d4.62742385/Balla-Powder%3A-Scented-Scrotum-Talc-for-Men/
*looking around* What the heck? Where is everybody?
Fabie, there lost in translation. Wth is going on?
Happy Tuesday all!
Hey! Is anyone still around?
Why did my governor, Blagojevich(IL) just get arrested for trying to sell Obama Senate seat?
Poly you from the crib too?
Ha! Chi town is doing it up Kwame style! Although, Kwame was a lil more gully cuz he had a stripper killed…allegedly.
J Thought
Yeah its embarrassing, this is our second Illinois Governor thats been sent to prison in consecutive terms. Getting the Oympic bid in 2016 may be difficult.
Hi everyone. Where is FG?
whats up Ms Miss?
@ blaze:
I would so go to the olympics if they were in chi town.
But, that’s a long shot now. Why was this fool so stupid as to say all that stuff over the phone? It’s not like chicago is bereft of mafia, heck the whole union stuff is full of it. Did he learn nothing from them, cuz he’s been dealing with them a long time.
And on a final note, Repubs steal millions, get away. Those who steal small change go to jail. Martha, this dude, the previous gov, etc. The lesson? Go hard or go home?
J Thought
I agree, dude has been corrupt for years which is why they were tapping his phone. He’s been at odds with Mayor Daly for years which is the reason why the city is in so much debt. You’re originally from Southfield right? Do you think Congress is should bail out the auto makers in Detroit?
OHG, I am not from Southfield. I am from Detroit, the city proper. I went to schools of choice (the next level up of magnet schools), which is which a know a $5 word or two.
If Congress bailed out super corrupt financial institutions, then they really don’t have a reason not to bail out the automakers. I was against the first bailout, because it was poorly designed with no oversight, and this is the result of handing out money like peppermints.
I meant OMG. Got me so irritated I had typos
How did you get to Florida from 8 mile?
Sorry about the late response. I decided to go shopping…hahaha.
@Blaze
Yes, I’m from the city of ‘ghost payroll’. Are still in the Chi? Everybody came across as eastcoaster except for wa. and fl..
I still think we will be able to get Olympics just because of Obama. I’m just surprise they haven’t caught Mayor Daley.
@ blaze:
Made an extremely emotional college decision during four straight weeks of snow storms… and initially college was paid for. Been in the south ever since (but I don’t really like southern dudes, so I may have to move)
@JAT
Why don’t you like southern dudes? Most females that I meet that aren’t from the South talk like southern dudes are the best thing since sliced bread.
Ummm…FG? Are you ever going to post again?
@Poly
A good number of my folks live on the South Side…I’ll be there for a week thru xams. Let me know if you hear of any nice sets going on. Is Hotel Victor still jumpin?
@J Thought
My first choice was FAMU but my ole G strong armed me into going to ATL. Best decision she’s made for me. How much longer do you have in school?
@ blue:
Some southern dudes are really nice, but not the ones from florida, at least not the ones that i’ve met (especially the black ones, and double that if they are from daytona on south). And, I’m your standard tough on the outside, soft on the inside Midwest chick, so most southern dudes don’t comprehend that. My best interactions have always been with men from southern Cal, the midwest, and the Midatlantic region. It’s just the most similar, I guess.
@ blaze:
Two more semesters to go, hopefully I can get done in august if my program director lets me do some independent studies. I went to FAMU. While I think it was the best school socially for me, I definitely should have gone somewhere else to fit into other goals. But, that’s water under the bridge.
J Thought
Do you plan on coming back to the Midwest or it all depends on where the job you get out of school is located?
Ummm, dunno about the Midwest. The only place I’d go is Chitown, and that wind is nothing to play with. I was actually thinking of heading to Denver, Colorado Springs, or the DC area.
But, I did apply for this job in Tampa because the perks are outrageous, so I may stay south a little while longer.
I have a technical undergrad degree, so I’ll move whereever the cost of living isn’t too crazy, there’s at least a sprinkle of black people, and I can make a fairly reasonable salary.
Denver’s not too bad actually. Plenty of black folks and the cost of living is reasonable. WHat about ATL?
Lived in ATL. (like twan from In living color) HATED IT! Too many bourgeois stuck up black people. Hated that I had to wear makeup to the grocery store. Hated that chicks gave me the stink eye for no reason. Hated the dudes with no job, no car, no nothing thinking that I should be all over them because of the messed up ratio. Hated that dudes who cut their hair, ironed their clothes, and actually knew that french cuffs and cufflinks go together were always, ALWAYS gay. Hated the old sugar daddy types who thought that because I was young, that I automatically wanted their decrepit arses and that getting my hair and nails done was enough to be seen with that fool.
Whew, I’m done. Loved the housing prices, the theaters, the arts, all the stuff about the city except the people.
LOL….J you’re going to get that everywhere from some black people. The cost of living is worth dealing with those other issues. All you have to do is get into the right social circle and you’re good.
@ blaze:
You a straight black man, whom I presume has something (or many things going for himself). You’re single (no kids right), so ATL is a mecca for you. A black woman like myself needs a little more than the right social circle to not end up the old cat lady. A fly cat lady, but a cat lady nonetheless (and actually, I’d have a dog because I’m allergic to cats).
True so is DC.. I can’t complain. Too many options but the ladies are getting theirs here as well. DC might be a good look for you. Have you been up to visit this area yet? You’re coming up for the Inauguration right?
@ blaze:
nah, the only relatives I have in DC are on my stepfather’s side of the family, and I don’t like them. So, while I could find travel that way, I’m definitely out of luck for lodging for the weekend. Plus, I’m going home for Christmas, so that tapped into my party money if I were to go.
My PSA for the day: Cleavage and a smile will get a woman whatever she wants w/o saying one word.
@ Reina:
I’m chairman of the itty bitty committee. Nice legs just doesn’t have the same effect :-(
Reina
Being the lady you are, I cant see you using that approach to your advantage. Am I wrong?
J Thought
Thick thighs would suffice
@ blaze:
Thick thighs doesn’t suffice. For a guy to see that, you’ve already past him, or already placed your order at the bar, and then he tries to move in to start a conversation. By that time I’m moving on back to my spot on the dancefloor to do the same old two-step.
and women will always use their feminine wiles to their advantage. It’s one of the few priveleges we have left.
J Thought
Nah, If you’re wearing the right skirt we can see thick thighs from every angle. Just make sure you have a sexy walk to go with them…
@ Blaze
Are you implying that if I do make use of my assets to yield a favorable response, I’m not a lady? I beg to differ. It makes me a smart, capitalistic lady. And yes, I do use that approach.
@ Just
It’s too cold up to show legs right now.
@Reina
lol…I dont blame you…I get suckered into buying a drink here and there by that approach if a woman plays it right. Now if you’re looking real thirsty and broke I can’t help you.
@ Reina:
It really is too cold for that nonsense.
@ Blaze
This was at work. One of the senior associates at my firm will do whatever I need, and all I have to do is smile and maybe a little stretch.
Reina
I can’t be mad at those dudes. All I have are 50 yr old women walking around me all day looking at me up and down…skys the limit if you ever come walking in my office and needed anything between 9-5…
Or anyone else under 40 without grey hair
What’s poppin’ everybody?
@Blaze
Hotel Victor is still mad crowded. I’m a house-head(I’m telling my age) so I don’t go to those type of club alot.
Did someone say, thick thights???
@Reina
IMO, it’s never to cold to show your legs.
@ Blaze
Dang Blaze. I was about to thank you for the compliment, but you went and lumped me into this broad category.
@ Poly
Really? So you’re walking around outside in shorts now?
@Poly
In that case…Do you know about the Eve of the Eve party that Phil and Nate throw every year? Went last year and it was real decent.
@Reina
lol..I guess I miss my rare opportunity to get a compliment from you.
@Reina
Hmmmm. No but I was talking about woman should show there legs. You see alot of woman in pant suits or wear pants and a top as some type of norm.
@Blaze
Yes, I’m a fan of Phil and Nate parties. I plan our going to hear Lil Louis perform at Crobar for xmas.
@ Blaze
Why aren’t you commenting on the new post? You’ve been slamming this song since it’s debut.
@ Poly
It’s cold. Why should I show my legs?
@Poly
Bet…man let me know where the next Phil and Nate joint is once you find out or any other nice sets. Crobar? That joint is still open huh.
@Reina
Because I part of a movement that want women to start wear skirts more often. I will be the first to admitt I’m a fan of legs.
@Blaze
Will do. I’m surprised they haven’t advertised anything yet. Yeah, Crobar w/go-go dancer in cages is going on. hahahaha
@ Poly
So I should freeze because you’re a fan? The audacity of the male ego just keeps increasing.
aww then I am a good girlfriend.. Now I wonder is my man a good boyfriend.. He is a awesome man either way.
This list is true. Actually it is THEE TRUTH!
no lie, i’ve come to understand the value of each of those points, by way of dealing with someone who didnt fit the criteria.
#5 – was were her pride was. Seeing AIM away messages with the lyrics to “independent women” was the first indication that she wore it like a badge of honor.
and
#2 – well she just didnt. At one point maybe, but after a while that changed…
So im still looking….